r/personalitydisorders

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edit: bpd as in borderline not bipolar

So I’m diagnosed with OCD, and my psychiatrist agrees trauma is very much part of my picture (SA history and parental neglect and abandonment) What she hasn’t been able to confirm yet is whether what I’m also dealing with is BPD, CPTSD, or some overlap, and we’re working on.

I have also an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I notice a strong push-pull pattern with the few people I let close, including, honestly, my own psychiatrist and therapist. I’m socially isolated outside of them, and I’ve become intensely attached to my long-term therapist in particular. At times this all gets heavy enough that I have suicidal ideation, which comes and goes in severity.

I’m trying to understand myself better while my specialists work out the fuller picture, so I’d really appreciate hearing from:

**Clinicians/specialists**: what are the actual differentiating features between BPD and CPTSD, especially when OCD and trauma are already confirmed and the attachment/relational patterns look similar on the surface?

**People with BPD or CPTSD**: how did you or your specialist start telling the two apart in your own experience? What did the push-pull with attachment figures feel like from the inside for you?

Not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit, just trying to learn the nuances so I can have a better-informed conversation with my psychiatrist next session. Thanks for reading.

I am a 36-year-old man with ADHD and ASPD. My ADHD is being treated with Ritalin. This is specifically about my ASPD and about how extreme some aspects of my behavior and emotional experience can be.

My problems did not begin in adulthood. They were already severe during my early childhood.

When I was around six years old, I chased my own sister with a knife. I threatened my grandmother. I was also cruel toward animals: I drowned a guinea pig, set a lizard on fire, cut worms apart, and cut up snails. At the time, I did not experience the kind of emotional reaction that would normally be expected.

Even as a child, rules were essentially something I felt applied to other people. Before I was 15, I had smashed windows, kicked the mirrors off cars, and set things on fire. I stole from my parents, stole from stores and at school, stole school supplies, and even stole street signs. Several times, I broke into my own school at night.

Violence did not simply disappear when I became an adult. I was repeatedly involved in fights. At times, I did not stop even when the actual confrontation should already have been over. Violent fantasies are still part of my everyday life. I have violent fantasies every day, including sexually violent fantasies.

I am hypersexual and have a strong tendency to view women as objects. I am aware of how problematic this is. At the same time, I cannot simply dismiss this side of myself as a “dark fantasy.” It is an actual part of my thought patterns.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about me, however, is not the aggression itself, but the absence of certain emotions.

I experience very little guilt or remorse. I do not experience pity in the way I observe other people experiencing it. When someone cries, I often do not feel compassion; instead, I find it annoying. I do not really know what love is. I also do not know what loneliness is supposed to feel like.

Almost my entire family is now dead, as are several of my friends. At funerals and afterward, I feel practically nothing emotionally. For me, the death of someone can emotionally feel almost like ordering a burger. I understand rationally that something significant has happened. I understand its social and cultural meaning. But emotionally, very little happens inside me.

The crucial difference compared with my childhood is that today I know what is right and what is wrong. I know the rules and understand the consequences of my actions. That does not automatically mean that I have the same emotional inhibitions as other people.

I have Abitur (13classes in germany), a university education, and I am capable of functioning professionally. From the outside, I can live a completely normal life. I practice kickboxing four times a week, play guitar, and am in a band. Work, exercise, and music give my life structure.

Because I am capable of considerable self-reflection, I am currently looking for cognitive behavioral therapy. I want to understand my behavior and thought patterns as honestly as possible and learn how to maintain control over them long-term.

I feel that if my structure falls apart (work, exercise, music), I could pose a real danger to society.

For the past year, I (19M, ADHD) have been tormented and extremely worried about the fact that I could secretly be a bad person or a narcissist, and the more I look at some of my actions and habits, the more worried I become.
1.) I lie often - like, extremely often. It feels like it’s become second nature to me, and as much as I hate it, I can’t stop. I do it mostly to avoid confrontation or my parents lashing out. I’ve done it from childhood to avoid their warpath. Or to make myself sound cooler than I am, but it even just happens automatically when I’m talking and don’t want to admit something or didn’t do something I’m being asked about; I just lie, and I hate it.
2.) I’m extremely insecure and maybe overly prideful sometimes. I have swings of feeling overly bad about myself, scrutinizing every detail about what I do. I feel sometimes I’m even motivated by competition or trying to be good instead of passion. I constantly feel I am the worst person in the room and want to die for it. I hate myself sometimes, from how I look to my intelligence to a lack of accomplishment. Even when I do accomplish things, it feels like I move the goalpost and just make myself feel worthless and like what I do is not worthy of pride.
I go from this to extreme pride sometimes and feeling like I’m better than certain people, and this confuses me sometimes. I interrupt others in conversation to get my point across, and I realize later. I can also project the overcritical side of myself that I try not to apply to others onto others, and sometimes absolutely insult people in my head. I feel guilty for it and don’t even know if that’s actually what I think or not.
3.) I feel like, in a verbal situation, I lack empathy. Like when I see people suffering, it’s a coin flip whether I feel anything resonate at all. Sometimes I feel bad; sometimes I don’t, and it often feels like if I don’t feel sadness for my own sake, I don’t feel it at all. While I do feel empathy and try earnestly to help people like family, the homeless, friends, etc., sometimes it feels like my empathy and some emotions just disappear.
I also find it hard to really connect with or maintain firm interest in most of my friends beyond just checking in with them. Oftentimes, even texting feels like a game of listen and respond rather than actually feeling deeply engaged or connected to the conversation. I care about my friends, but I sometimes struggle to feel that deeper connection or sustained interest, and that makes me question myself even more.
I feel, though, as if I’m a bad person and a narcissist or stupid, and I have frequently thought about suicide because of these possibilities. What should I do, and what are the telltale signs that I am one of the two?
(I also have maladaptive daydreaming, if that’s a sign.)

I don’t want to be a narcissist the thought of it makes me scared but I need to know

I was jumped by a group of three men who shouted homophobic slurs at me near their pickup truck outside of The Seal pub in Harwich. Message me if you witnessed the incident or if you have any information.

Hey reddit,

This is my first post here. I'm 53 days in recovery now from substances. I'm struggling with feeling lonely and empty inside. I have a deep rooted need for being around people and being loved by people. I change myself to be accepted by others, to not feel the feeling of rejection. I sometimes don't even know who I really am anymore. The last couple of days I've been trying to be my authentic self again. But I just don't know who that is, I constantly feel fear that people don't like me and because of that I'll end up alone. I have a couple of friends and when I'm with them I don't feel lonely. But when they are away and I'm alone again the emptyness fills me up again. My self-esteem and self-love is almost non existing because of my core belief that I'm not allowed to be myself else people with hate me and because of that I'm alone and lonely again.

Sorry for my bad wording but it's a big struggle for me.

So I need some advice from people in recovery who did feel the same as I do most of the time. I want to know how I can grow in my self-esteem and self-love.

my whole life, i have noticed that girls around me never cared about their looks as much as i did. they would come to school or hangouts just dressed normally (or basic if that makes sense) meanwhile i was always the one who was "standing out" because i dressed way more fashionably, and i had to plan hangouts around a date where i had enough time to shave around my body, pick a dress, make it look good, etc.

but, my friends or peers never ever put that much effort into their looks. it made me feel like i was looking for attention or a pick me and i would be scared that's how everyone saw me. even to this day, it's like this.

i don't know why i do this. i've tried copying them before but i GENUINELY get so uncomfortable going out if im not looking beautiful or pretty. it's so bad that i will cancel a hangout if i don't look pretty enough. it's so exhausting and draining and i don't want to be this way anymore. i wanna be chill and carefree like everyone else around me.

at some points in life, i've wondered if i had this other personality disorder called histrionic personality. and that maybe my BPD is misdiagnosed. or maybe we can have both? i genuinely don't know. but i wouldn't be surprised if i had both because most people in my family have some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder (and i say undiagnosed because it is SO obvious yet they won't get help because they don't believe in mental illness). please someone tell me if im tripping, genuinely a pick me, if its something with my bpd, or if it could actually be histrionic personality.

my name is aaaa and i am 21 years old man

i were suffering from the mental illlness(multi personality disorder)

i have three personlity within myself

but i can handle them manually

now i am going to introduce them

1.ben

2.max

3.normally me

for each of them have each tasks example ben is used for my acedemic and max is used for my happiness and last me who is used to take decisions

how its all began

i was normal child until 3th standard

i was studing at private school

i were dull student and my marks were low and even i couldn't read long words in tamil and english

i passed my quarterly and half yearly exam at boarder pass mark.

but everything changed when my maths mam started to encourage me by comptete with students who were toppers at our class (our standard has four classes from A TO D,students are filled in the classes according to their previous acedemic mark 2nd standard annual exam mark ascending order

so our class is last class for dull students )

with my ego and competative behaviour i scored high marks in maths and first mark in my class d but i scored low marks in tamil,english,science,social

but the taste of being first and taking high marks satisfy my ego so i started to work hard to be first rank

at my 4th,5th,6th,7th,8th standard

i were so competative and egoistic to score marks at these standard

i scored mark by 85 to 90 percentage of hard work and 15 to 10 percentage of cheating in exam

but at my 9th standard,i faced rejection and betrayal of friends for scoring marks by cheating

so i started to stop my cheating activities in the exam completely at end of 9th standard

WHERE MY PERSONALITY DISORDER TOOK ME:

during my 10th,11th and 12th i were sub consciously using my personalities without recognising which leads me to be alone and ignored by other

supernatural vision which were seen by me while i were unconscious

i could see two persons infront of me including them and me the total was 3

we all talked together every time even while sleeping and in my dreams

i felt something which can't be described in the words which give me a path to connect them visually

now i would my powers of my personality

1.ben who was very intelligent version of me and he could read and learn anything within short period example if i want to learn new things ,i would swap my position with him so i could read everything fast and without wasting the time

calculate everything,predict future accurately without flaws,withstand enormous pain ,

but he will come only at critical situation

last time i experienced him at my 12th board exam and state level sports competation

2.max-created for my happiness

because of him i can't cry anymore

i smile at critical and emotional situation because of him ,my family hated me

i can't express other emotions except smile

my classmates and teachers made fun of me infront of stage and auditorium

3. normally me

i am the one who controls these two persons

i acted as switch who come to take my body as per the need i faced

example: if i felt bored,sad,happy,tension,alone,etc.. ,i switch to max and started to be happy without a reason and do anything which makes me happy and fun

if i faced acedemic struggle like exam ,i would switch to ben who took care of me and read everything in a short period example in my 12th standard board exam

i wasted my study leave days unconsciously switch with max who wasted my time by watching,playing games and movies

after the mess ,we have 17 hours only to board exams .so i switch to ben who took care of me and give knowlegde to face the exam with his help my cleared my 12th board by 96 percentage

this things happened to me for every exams

after my 12th standard board exam , i started to realise that intense presence of them increasing every day and today they told me to share this to everybody i really don't the reason why they said me to share this information with you

my goal in my life to be Ben forever and invent new things and machines

my aim is to be a scitentist like sir Abdul kalam

now i am studing final year in b.e. at top tier college

my friends and my family don't know about this

(english isnt my first language so sorry if theres any mistakes) f17, Ive done a good amount of research to understand why iam the way iam, the only answer ive come up with is psychopathy. I know this is not a place to diagnose and stuff but im not able to speak about this kind of thing with a psychiatrist or anyone at all because of my family and culture, so im kind of looking for a basic explanation(ig??)

So From what Ive noticed and alot of people have noticed about me is that I react very “weirdly”. When my mom told me that her best friend (my best friends mom) died, I didn’t really feel much, I was like oh thats tragic, but emotionally, practically nothing. And she was very close to me, almost like an aunt. Similar thing when my mom thought my grandmother was going to pass, and she let me know, I didnt really react outside of “oh?” and went back to what i was doing. My mom got very mad and was saying how she felt really upset that i was so careless and robotic almost. But i just told her that i didnt really see a big deal out of this and i dont understand why people take this kind of thing so seriously, “did u think she was going to live forever?” I understand now that i was disrespectful (ig??) when she told me that it was super rude to say that kind of thing.

I dont feel much during the day, rarely I feel very good about myself if something i wanted to go my way, goes my way, and thats an extremely rare experience. But mostly, I just feel very like “bleh” not sad, not mad, not happy, just plainly nothing.

I dont think ive ever loved anyone (including my family and closest friend) I mean, i appreciate them(kind of?? not sure how to express the feeling) but i just dont feel anything about anyone, im always concerned about myself and the only positive thing i feel is when i think of myself (might just be a narcissist) and my mom always gets mad like “oh u only like yourself, ur so selfish, u only pick urself over everyone” but im like “well ya obviously, im going to choose myself?? why would i ever put someone else before me and not prioritise myself?” i truly dont understand how anyone could even do that.

Ive had boyfriends and such, but i never really loved them. I said i loved them but the second they did the slightest thing wrong, i blocked/ghosted/completely disrespected. i only really “liked” them when they did things for me.

Im not like a murderous or violent person at all, infact when someone tries to assault me, i never fight back physically. But when someone disrespects me, verbally abuses me, or something of that nature, my mind immediately starts racing of ways to break them down and make them feel as horrible as possible. My main method is choosing my words carefully and knowing exactly what to say to set them off little by little till they start ruining themselves. I use different words and techniques to manipulate them to feel like they need to beg for my forgiveness, love, etc. I always put them against themselves and i make sure i know exactly what can start the process of the ruin that i want to achieve.

i read social cues very well and think of myself very highly, i believe myself to be extremely intelligent and well mannered (which i think is one of the most important things in a person)
I can lie incredibly well, but when i was around 11 and i realised that my mother could tell when i would lie because i had a “tell”, i tried to see what my tell was when i was lying but i never really caught it, so instead i started analysing how i acted when i told the truth so i could copy that when i was lying.

Although psychopaths are said to be impulsive and risky, iam the complete opposite. I have never reacted impulsively to anything and i take my time to plan everything single thing i do out. Even in the heat of the moment, i control my words carefully and knowing exactly what to say to get my way.

I do not feel empathetic to anything as far as i know. (This will sound bad) if i see a video of an ill child, or someone hurt in the midst of a war, i dont feel sad. I feel more disgusted. I try to think of things that i am commonly unemotional about but its pretty much everything so i dont really know.

I understand what society deems as wrong or bad so i know what to say and how to say it. i manipulate 99.9% of things in my life. Even the smallest situations. Although i lie alot, im honest even more. i don’t usually lie unless i know that if i dont lie that my life or something in my life will change in a way i dont want it to. Mostly im honest because i dont care enough to waste energy on lying and putting on a show for people.

I might be forgetting some things but 🤷‍♀️. Please let me know if these are autistic, sociopathic, psychopathic, bpd, or narcissistic tendencies. or maybe it’s something else that i dont know about.

I'd like to know your guys' opinions on the new ICD-11's model for personality disorders. Essentially, all categorical labels for specific personality disorders, except for BPD, have been abolished, kind of. They replaced it with a dimensional continuum system, in which personality disorders are categorized as level of impairment/functioning (mild, moderate, or severe) and relevant domains (the domains are Negative Affectivity, Disinhibition, Detachment, Dissociality, and Anankastia), with specified traits of these domains. That way, we get an extremely personalized diagnosis of level of functioning + specific relevant traits, with no overall arching label or common shared symptoms. There is also, however, the specifier of "Borderline Pattern", which is characterized by basically all the 9 traditional criteria for BPD. Therefore, someone with what we know as BPD would be diagnosed as "personality disorder, level of impairment [moderate], Negative Affectivity, Disinhibition and Anankastia domains, Borderline Pattern". While someone with what we know as, say, Antisocial Personality Disorder would be diagnosed simply as "personality disorder, level of impairment [severe], Dissociality and Disinhibition domains", for example.

I personally find this model quite odd. I feel like it kind of dillutes personality disorders a bit too much by completely removing almost all specific labels, which exist because of shared baseline symptoms. It's also often regarded as way too complex for practical clinical practice. I personally prefer the alternative-hybrid model for personality disorder from the DSM-5, which combines features from both the dimensional model (such as spectrum of impairment and basis on domains and traits) and the categorical model (by keeping 6 specific personality disorders: Borderline, Antisocial, Narcissistic, Avoidant, Schizotypal, Obsessive-Compulsive). I feel like that's the best way to do it: describe well-known and established personality disorders through the domains/traits and spectrum framework, instead of replacing them altogether. But I'd like to know your opinions on this.

By the way, I have BPD (as well as other comorbidities). My official diagnosis thorough the ICD-11 would likely be personality disorder, level of impairment moderate, Negative Affectivity, Anankastia and Disinhibition domains (respectively); Borderline Pattern.

I think I have a personality disorder. I don't want to be one of *those* self-diagnosing people, so I have dismissed this concern for a long time - especially because I was a teenager when I thought this and put it down to hormones. Since being in my 20s however, my issues have not changed.

I have not had a stable long-term relationship ever, and all of them seem to explode in a big drama. Each person that has previously been close to me I now hate, and each relationship breakdown had its own reason and in each situation I didn't believe myself to be the problem, but looking at the pattern I guess there is only one common denominator. I have only developed this self-awareness recently.

I do not know who I am when I'm alone, and for the first time in a while, I have been completely alone for months after losing all of my friends, and insecurity is preventing me from putting myself out there and meeting new people. Having no one to model my personality around has resulted in a lot of self-destructive behaviour. Most days I stay in my house, isolated, engaging in eating disordered behaviour and using weed and alcohol to make the hours go by faster as I feel numb all of the time.

I have been to therapy to address my day to day issues, and in all my 5 years of therapy I don't think I have been honest. I am not lying intentionally, but perhaps by omission. I have a tendency to seek approval from each therapist and I want to maintain an identity as a good person, so I either don't tell them about my problematic behaviours (that is when I know I have acted inappropriately), or I twist the situation to make myself appear as a victim. I know I do this deep down but I also lie to myself about my behaviour. For example I lie to myself and say that I attempted suicide when I was younger because I was depressed, but in reality I did it because I was desperate for my ex's attention. Or another time I lied about being sexually assaulted, and have genuinely formed false memories of this experience. As a result I feel that therapy does not work for me because I instinctively and effortlessly lie. I also lie if I feel that my therapist would drop me as a client, for example I would never tell a therapist of my suicidal ideation in fear that they would leave. When I do CBT, it is very focused on the current issues I experience, and therapists rarely ask me for history, so I feel that a lot of these symptoms are missed in this way as well.

I have a history of lying for attention, self harm, substance abuse, eating disorders, unstable relationships and putting myself in risky sexual situations. I feel I do have something wrong with me and I want to know what it is so I can understand it all. I know I am the problem and just want to know if I am fixable. Obviously this is not much information but do you guys think I could potentially have a personality disorder? If so, do you have advice on keeping yourself accountable, dropping the act and being honest with your therapist? It feels impossible to me

Wondering thoughts on the pros and cons of choosing to not chart an official diagnosis? PTSD is already charted ​for insurance purposes based on intake markers. Came in already having a Bipolar II diagnosis from psychiatry. After a year of work, seemed clear, took an assessment for BPD, hitting 7 of 9 indicators.

Already using DBT framework i​n therapy. Are there more cons from medical stigma, potential job and insurance denials than pros to official chart the diagnosis? I'd love to hear perspective as it's been left for me to decide

I’m starting to wonder whether I might have antisocial personality disorder, because I’ve noticed a pattern of behaviour going back to childhood. I’m not trying to self-diagnose, but I’d appreciate honest advice about what I should do.

I grew up without parents and was often mocked by classmates and sometimes teachers. Around age 9, I started running away from school, shoplifting, skipping CCA and my grades began dropping.

In secondary school, I became very attached to some of my teachers and sometimes treated them almost like mother figures. I would text them excessively because I think I was looking for the parental affection I didn't have.

In poly, I became obsessed with being a “perfect student.” I cheated in exams because I was afraid of getting bad grades.

Recently, during my internship, I created an app largely by myself, but I felt that my friend was being given the credit. I became extremely angry and deleted the app . I understand now that it was wrong because it was company property. What worries me most is that I don't feel as much remorse as I think I should.

I’ve also lied and made other bad decisions throughout my life. When I read about ASPD symptoms such as lying, disregarding rules, irresponsibility, lack of remorse and harming others, I see some similarities.

I know some of my behaviour has been wrong, and I’m not trying to excuse it because of my childhood. I’m just genuinely confused about why I keep behaving this way and whether something is wrong with me.

For anyone who has experienced something similar: what should I do? Should I see a psychiatrist or psychologist and be assessed? Is it possible to change these behaviours?

all because i had a lot of childhood trauma i am now cursed to endure a fate full of disorders i can’t control , there’s no way out for me im trapped this is it . i am diagnosed bpd , aspd , and now i am 99.5% sure sociopathy cuz that goes along with aspd i cant believe i never realized this until now .

I was always super jealous of the attention my parents gave to my pets i am extremely possessive about my attention and where it went, when i was child
And id abuse all our animals snapping their tails biting them attempting to snap their limbs, stretching them by their arms and legs to see how long they could possibly stretch out, id lock them in heavy draws and leave it a crack open as i proceeded to put a vacuum in the crack and turn it on as they were trapped in their causing them to panic, scuffing while fully grown to see them cry and scratch me
(Wrote this while fried sorry if it’s illiterate I couldn’t be bothered to look back and change it)

Share your experience as someone diagnosed with BPD, ASPD and NPD or comorbidities between these disorders.
It can be socially or internally, generally how it impacts you or others.

I want this post to be very open, share anything you deem like experiences influenced by your personality disorder.

This is taken from a comment I made a couple of hours ago, on a post that unfortunately got almost NO engagement. So I figured that I would make it its own post, if for no other reason than the fact I spent too much energy writing it for it to go to waste.

In my opinion, in a perfect world, society as a whole would stop trying to diagnose each other and themselves as they see fit. This is the EXACT reason why there are people specifically trained for this, and innumerable pages of literature on the subject of diagnosis of mental health conditions/ personality disorders, etc.

I particularly dislike the trend to self diagnose/ diagnose others with personality disorders.. especially BPD and narcissism. (Or societys obsession with labeling people a "sociopath" / "psychopath")

Some of these disorders involve individuals who have an assortment of, I'll just say, "caustic" personality traits, and there is always a risk (however small) that someone afflicted with these things may become dangerous to you, or otherwise do something that has a long lasting negative affect on your perception/ life.

By becoming so lax with some of these diagnosises, and terms, it can help spread misinformation, and potentially hinder people's abilities to accurately notice behaviors, traits, or anything else that may be beneficial in spotting someone that you SUSPECT (bc you don't KNOW), may be afflicted with a disorder that you should be aware of, at the least.

But that doesn't mean that you diagnose them, or slander them, or spread rumors about them, or even tell them, necessarily. If you consider yourself well enough versed in the literature that you may SUSPECT something, bring your concerns to a professional, and they can decide any potential risk they may or may not pose to themselves and/or others.

We as a society, need to honor that..

Every time we as a society have experience we had with an ex (or friends , etc) that we view as "selfish", or maybe has bad active listening skills, and then telling everyone how much of a narcissist they are, or saying that since you have a lifetime full of bad experiences, and full of chaotic relationships with others, that you "diagnose" yourself with BPD, we undermine the people that dedicated a huge portion of their adult lives , to study things like this, and who (I feel) are Hugely underappreciated in today's society. (Why care about them, when we can just Google symptoms? Smh🤦)

Okay, I'm going to just end my rant there, bc I realized I'm rambling, and possibly, not making much sense lol. Just my two cents. I have a feeling I overused both some certain words, along with parentheses, but I hope I was able to convey what I intended.

*I am not licensed, professionally trained, or generally someone to even really listen to at all.

Im just passionate about learning psychology 🙂

ok so i’ve been diagnosed with bpd for a couple of months now and ive seen on the internet that there are multiple “types” of bpd but my psychiatrist never really said that to me. is that another internet thing that at the end of the day doesn’t have any medical base or do i have to ask to my therapist? and if somebody can tell me in depth the different types itd be helpful!