u/AxeYoungblood

I am a 36-year-old man with ADHD and ASPD. My ADHD is being treated with Ritalin. This is specifically about my ASPD and about how extreme some aspects of my behavior and emotional experience can be.

My problems did not begin in adulthood. They were already severe during my early childhood.

When I was around six years old, I chased my own sister with a knife. I threatened my grandmother. I was also cruel toward animals: I drowned a guinea pig, set a lizard on fire, cut worms apart, and cut up snails. At the time, I did not experience the kind of emotional reaction that would normally be expected.

Even as a child, rules were essentially something I felt applied to other people. Before I was 15, I had smashed windows, kicked the mirrors off cars, and set things on fire. I stole from my parents, stole from stores and at school, stole school supplies, and even stole street signs. Several times, I broke into my own school at night.

Violence did not simply disappear when I became an adult. I was repeatedly involved in fights. At times, I did not stop even when the actual confrontation should already have been over. Violent fantasies are still part of my everyday life. I have violent fantasies every day, including sexually violent fantasies.

I am hypersexual and have a strong tendency to view women as objects. I am aware of how problematic this is. At the same time, I cannot simply dismiss this side of myself as a “dark fantasy.” It is an actual part of my thought patterns.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about me, however, is not the aggression itself, but the absence of certain emotions.

I experience very little guilt or remorse. I do not experience pity in the way I observe other people experiencing it. When someone cries, I often do not feel compassion; instead, I find it annoying. I do not really know what love is. I also do not know what loneliness is supposed to feel like.

Almost my entire family is now dead, as are several of my friends. At funerals and afterward, I feel practically nothing emotionally. For me, the death of someone can emotionally feel almost like ordering a burger. I understand rationally that something significant has happened. I understand its social and cultural meaning. But emotionally, very little happens inside me.

The crucial difference compared with my childhood is that today I know what is right and what is wrong. I know the rules and understand the consequences of my actions. That does not automatically mean that I have the same emotional inhibitions as other people.

I have Abitur (13classes in germany), a university education, and I am capable of functioning professionally. From the outside, I can live a completely normal life. I practice kickboxing four times a week, play guitar, and am in a band. Work, exercise, and music give my life structure.

Because I am capable of considerable self-reflection, I am currently looking for cognitive behavioral therapy. I want to understand my behavior and thought patterns as honestly as possible and learn how to maintain control over them long-term.

I feel that if my structure falls apart (work, exercise, music), I could pose a real danger to society.

I am a 36-year-old man with ADHD and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). My ADHD is already being treated with Ritalin. I am mainly interested in finding out what type of therapy would be most appropriate and potentially most effective for my ASPD.

To briefly explain my background: I was already aggressive and violent toward people and animals as a child, and I frequently disregarded rules. This included things such as vandalism and theft. Even as an adult, I continue to get myself into trouble despite having "Abitur" (13classes in germany) diploma and a university education.

I do not experience much guilt or remorse, and I cannot really feel pity or compassion in the way I observe other people experiencing it. When someone cries or becomes very emotional, I often find it annoying rather than feeling sympathy for them. I also have difficulty understanding what love actually is or what it is supposed to feel like.

I am also highly hypersexual and tend to view women more as objects. I have violent fantasies on a daily basis. I am aware that these aspects of my personality and behavior can be problematic, and I would like to learn how to manage them better and ultimately change my behavior.

At the same time, I have several stable and positive areas in my life. I exercise regularly and practice kickboxing around four times a week. I am also involved in music: I play guitar and am a member of a band.

Given this combination of ASPD, ADHD, impulsivity, lack of guilt and remorse, difficulty experiencing pity or compassion, difficulty understanding love and emotional closeness, violent fantasies, hypersexuality, and problematic social behavior, what type of therapy would be most appropriate for me? Are there specific cognitive-behavioral approaches or treatment programs for adults with ASPD that you would recommend? And what else could I do alongside psychotherapy to improve my impulse control, manage aggression and violent thoughts, and develop healthier interpersonal relationships?

Moin!

Mich würde mal interessieren, wie sich die Polizei auf eine Hausdurchsuchung vorbereitet.

Mir ist klar, dass die eingesetzten Beamten wissen, wonach sie suchen und was gegebenenfalls beschlagnahmt werden soll. Aber wie läuft die Vorbereitung darüber hinaus ab?

Werden die Polizistinnen und Polizisten vorab über die betreffende Person oder den Hintergrund des Einsatzes informiert? Wissen sie im Vorfeld, wie viele Personen sich wahrscheinlich in der Wohnung oder im Haus befinden? Gibt es eine Art Einsatzbesprechung, in der solche Informationen weitergegeben werden?

Mich würde außerdem interessieren, ob auch eine Einschätzung zur möglichen Gefährlichkeit der Person erfolgt. Hat diese Einschätzung Einfluss darauf, ob die eingesetzten Beamtinnen und Beamten besonders ausgerüstet oder bewaffnet sind oder ob mehr Einsatzkräfte eingeplant werden?

Mich interessiert einfach der allgemeine Ablauf und die Organisation im Vorfeld einer Hausdurchsuchung. Vielen Dank schon einmal für eure Antworten!

Hallo,

Ich bin gerade in der Medikationsphase wo ermittelt und probiert wird was am besten hilft und wirkt.

Derzeit nehme ich 40mg morgens und habe ab 15 Uhr einen totalen Rebound. Die Medikation an sich beruhigt und sortiert mich sehr. Ich war davor sehr impulsiv und habe dann auch oft Regeln verletzt und noch anderen Mist.

Jetzt durch den Rebound , habe ich 2 Stunden , wo ich das Gefühl habe total die Kontrolle zu verlieren und meinen Impulsen gar nicht mehr so gut entgegenwirken kann.

Habe das dem Psychiater erklärt und nun soll ich morgens 20mg und zum Mittag nochmal 20mg.

Hat jemand Erfahrung wie man diesen Rebound umgehen kann so gut wie es geht ?

Ich probiere echt alles Sport, Musik etc.

Das Problem ist das die antis. PS und das ADHS sich gegenseitig multiplizieren .

Wirken andere Präparate eventuell besser ?

Hallo, ich bin diagnostiziert mit ADHS und ASPD (antisoziale Persönlichkeitsstörung), umgangssprachlich auch Psychopathie genannt. Ich beichte, dass alle Menschen, mit denen ich zu tun habe, denken, ich würde mich um ihre Probleme scheren und mitfühlen, dabei frage ich nur aus Neugier, und es ist mir egal, was sie fühlen, denn ich kann es nicht nachempfinden. Ich sage oft: „Oh, das ist ja schlimm“, aber es ist mir vollkommen egal. Ich sehe Frauen nur als Objekte meiner Befriedigung und habe noch nie so etwas wie tiefe Verbundenheit verspürt (wie zum Beispiel Liebe). Mein Freundeskreis weiß nichts von meiner Diagnose, meiner Kindheit und meiner Akte oder davon, was ich alles für Sachen gemacht habe . Ich habe eine ganz gute kognitive Empathie, das heißt, ich verstehe, warum sich andere Menschen schlecht fühlen oder wie sie fühlen, aber ich kann es emotional nicht nachvollziehen.

Hello,

I have been diagnosed with ADHD and ASPD (antisocial personality disorder), commonly referred to as psychopathy.

I confess that all the people I interact with think I care about their problems and that I feel empathy for them, but in reality I only ask out of curiosity and I do not care what they feel, because I cannot emotionally relate to it. I often say things like “oh, that’s really bad,” but it is completely meaningless to me.

I see women only as objects for my sexual gratification and have never experienced anything like deep emotional attachment (such as love). My circle of friends does not know anything about my diagnosis, my childhood, or my criminal record and everything I have done (violence against others, arson, theft).

I have fairly strong cognitive empathy, meaning I understand why other people feel the way they do or what they are feeling, but I cannot emotionally relate to it.

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and ASPD. The only emotions I feel intensely are anger, restlessness, and desire. Because of the ADHD, I’m impulsive, have poor impulse control, and way too much energy. All other emotions are muted. Because of ADHD and ASPD, I’ve already done a lot of messed-up things, but in stressful situations I’m the calmest person there is.

What’s interesting is that I’ve always been aware that I think differently and don’t feel directly in a typical way. However, I can read and understand emotions well and can also solve other people’s problems, but I can hardly empathize with them. I mostly see women as objects for my sexual gratification. How are others? Have you noticed that you might colloquially be called a “psychopath”?

I also have the view that I can quickly recognize who thinks similarly to me. These are also people who have a good, almost too good charm and a superficial appearance of good intentions, which in reality only serve themselves.

In any case, I try—knowing what I know about myself—to use it in a positive way by trying to help people with my rationality.

Have you ever encountered “psychopaths” or had experiences with them?

Hey,

I’m 35, male, diagnosed with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) and ADHD. Looking back, I was already problematic as a kid: theft, break-ins, fights, getting expelled from two schools. Despite that, I still managed to finish high school (Abitur 13classes) and get a degree (university). I’ve been in police custody multiple times, and violence was never really something unusual to me.

What separates me from a lot of people is that I often just don’t feel anything emotionally. When people cry, I don’t feel anything inside. I understand rationally how you’re supposed to react, and I can comfort people or act “appropriately,” but internally it feels empty. Same with death .most of my family is gone, and I barely felt grief. In general, my emotions feel muted or dulled.

With martial arts, I’ve noticed that I genuinely enjoy the physical aspect and even the act of hurting people in a controlled setting. I keep it within rules and competition, but it still makes me think, because a part of me doesn’t emotionally reject violence. it feels more neutral or even stimulating.

The only thing that genuinely worries me is the possibility of losing the structures that currently keep me stable. Routine, rules, training, responsibilities . those things probably control me more than any moral feeling does.

And to be honest: none of these aspects really bother me personally. The main reason I’m in therapy is because I don’t want to spiral far enough that I end up in forensic psychiatry or seriously ruin my life.

If you have questions about any of this, feel free to ask. Gives me a bit of dopamine, I guess. I´m german and so is my englisch :)

Moin

Ich bin seit einigen Wochen in der Dosierung der Medikation von Ritalin Adult 40mg.

Ich habe schon das Gefühl das es mich entspannt und definitiv sozialer macht , aber ich habe das Gefühl das ich viel mehr rede. ist es dann nicht eher überdosiert ? Ich rede sonst nicht gerne und soviel mit irgendwelchen Menschen und ich habe das Gefühl das mir manche Sachen einfach egaler geworden sind.

Woher weiß man was die richtige Dosierung ist ?

Moin

Ich bin mit der Tagesklinik fast durch und habe Hilfe erfahren, aber auch unbequeme Wahrheiten mit der dissozialen bzw. Antisozialen Persönlichkeitsstörung. Ich habe das Gefühl das jede Erhöhung in der Medikation so 3 Tage gut wirkt und dann nicht mehr. Und wenn dann nur so 2 Stunden.

Die Psychologin meinte, das ich noch Glück habe das ich einen guten Gerechtigkeitssinn habe und Werte. Sie meinte diese Kombination adhs +Antisoziale persönlichkeitsstörung macht 1% der Bevölkerung aus, aber 80 % der Forensik. Hat mich gestern schon beschäftigt.

Brauch ich mehr mg an Medikation oder anderen Wirkstoff?

Wenn ihr Fragen habt, antworte ich gerne.