u/ValuableMelodic5090

i got diagnosed with BPD yesterday. i'd been showing signs as a young girl but it wasn't until i turned 18 that i got diagnosed with 2 anxiety disorders, and at 19 i was diagnosed with depression. now im 20, and i found out i actually have BPD and the anxiety and depression is a result of that. but i don't know anything about BPD. i know it's a pretty serious disorder, but im not sure how to deal with it or what to do, etc.

i feel hopeless and terrible, yet relieved at the same time. i finally have an answer to my problems, but it was the worst answer i could get. this whole time, i was on antidepressants to deal with my anxiety and depression, and it wasn't until 4 hours ago i got diagnosed with BPD and realized that my depression and anxiety was being caused by that. i feel hopeless.

i feel hopeless and terrible, yet relieved at the same time. i finally have an answer to my problems, but it was the worst answer i could get. this whole time, i was on antidepressants to deal with my anxiety and depression, and it wasn't until 4 hours ago i got diagnosed with BPD and realized that my depression and anxiety was being caused by that. i feel hopeless.

everyone says "if you commit suicide, god sends you to hell." no. that's not god. that's not what god is meant to be or represent. that's demonic. that belief is so harmful and so demonic. why? why place that kind of attribute on god? isn't god meant to be "most merciful" and "most kind." then why? both things contradict themselves. why do these abrahamic religious people think this way? how do they not see how evil and terrible this is?

i'm gonna try to keep this short as i acknowledge not everyone likes or has time to read big paragraphs. i'm 20F. about two years ago, i developed depression and anxiety which made me spiral. i began using substances and doing other self-destructive things that clearly impacted my parents a lot.

my dad, 50 years old, was neglected by his mother as a child. because of that, he never felt comfortable showing love and affection. but we always knew he loved and cared for us simply through his actions. his way of saying he loves us wasn't verbal. it was shown in the way he treated us. this year, i gave him his first father's day gift from me.

he sent me a text, saying thanks kiddo with a red heart emoji. however, i was high. extremely high and i missed his reaction to the gift. the only way i know how he reacted (and barely in any detail) is because of my mom. she told me he was very excited and happy. but i still feel ashamed.

i feel like a terrible daughter. i try my best to make my parents proud of me. my grades are good and im overall doing okay-ish in life. but still, depression and anxiety, and now addiction ruined my life. i can't stop thinking that he probably hates me now or doesn't feel appreciated enough because i didn't want to go downstairs with bloodshot eyes, slurring my words, and barely being able to walk or think.

i didn't go because i didn't want to ruin things for him. i thought, well, maybe if he does get excited by the gift, i should let him have that moment. i didn't want to ruin it by showing up in a state that would only leave him feeling defeated and disappointed.

can any dads on here please give me some reassurance? i swear i try so hard. i'm a 20 year old grown woman, yet i still can't get my life together.

wow. i'm in heaven, really. my head is buzzing so much. i never would've imagined i'd get addicted or hooked. but alas, here i am

red candle
jar
lavender incense
rose oil
rose petals
honey
cinnamon
sugar
alsike clover
birdsfoot trefoil
oxeye daisy
mine and his picture

cleanse jar with lavender incense
rose oil for attraction
rose petals for romantic love
honey for sweetening
cinnamon for success and love
sugar for love
alsike clover for love and luck
birdsfoot trefoil to deepen connection
oxeye daisy for love and fidelity
draw love rune on both pictures and fold them towards yourself, then add in jar
seal with red candle

so i was talking to myself, but my dad thought i was talking to my doll and now my parents think im possessed. what do i do

PS: they know im diagnosed with depression and 2 anxiety disorders and have caught me during a (delete self) attempt.

i'm freaking out i don't know what to do. he seemed genuinely concerned and definitely knew something was wrong (his body language was very obvious). i'm so embarrassed and believe it or not sometimes i get panic attacks from being embarrassed. i know, that's even more embarrassing.

i can never face him again.

guys, i'm wondering, is a picture of a person enough as a tag lock? what if it's blurry/somewhat pixelated and is printed in black and white? and is a picture enough or do i need their full name and full DOB?

Here's an emotional healing spell that I wanted to share!

material:

coffee - overcome internal blockages
cinnamon - heal
dandelion leaves - healing
cow vetch - stamina
Hoary alyssum - calm, inner peace
lesser stitchwort - swift healing, lift heavy fog
blue candle
your tag lock

I put all the ingredients into the jar and stuck the blue candle on top of the lid to let it burn down itself

i'm at the blood lab to get some blood tests done but i'm starting to dissociate. honestly don't know what to do at this point. don't have much i can use to shock myself or bring myself back to reality at the moment. any advice? i'm genuinely scared

coffee - overcome internal blockages
cinnamon - heal
dandelion leaves - healing
cow vetch - stamina
Hoary alyssum - calm, inner peace
lesser stitchwort - swift healing, lift heavy fog

i've never liked my poems. always thought i sucked at them. so i finally decided to get some feedback and comments on how it looks:

The bottle of pills is my rainbow
It does not let my mind decay
It gives me another puzzle piece

My first love was a man
My last love was the Xanax
It was the only thing that stood up for me
The only thing that made me feel special

My mind is no maze, I promise
I am only trying to survive
God strike me down if I lie 
These pills are all I can depend on

I want it all right now
I want to feel right now
No, don’t let me feel
Take it away and leave me rotting

I stick like glue
I hurt like a needle 
I am chipped off paint from my walls
The ones that have his signature on it

i'm 5 pills down. i don't know how to think, feel, or do. i can't live my life like this anymore. i am tired. i am on my bedroom floor crying, with no idea what is wrong with me. i don't want to wake up. i don't want to think, live, feel. i am tired. exhausted. how is it fair for us to live with anxiety 24/7? when do we ever get to be in peace? i'm losing my battle

so there's a guy and i have his first name and picture. basically he thinks he's all this and that and like he thinks he's the hottest person ever. he's also manipulative and treats women like 💩. i want a spell that can take away his beauty (obviously without any major harm to him). and please no moral lessons, he's a very terrible person. he also can't take no for an answer. please help a girl out

so there's a guy who makes his looks EVERYTHING about himself. he treats girls like 💩 and even rejects them because "they don't look like models like me" and he also won't leave me alone and is obsessed with me. i want to put him in his place and the only way i want to do that is by ruining and taking away his beauty. any ideas?

i don't want to go too much into this, but this guy thinks he all this and that because he's hot and whatnot, and he plays around with girls and treats them like 💩. he also doesn't take no for an answer. i have his first name and a picture of him. what can i do?

I don't know if I gave the right correspondences to the material or not 🥲😅

pink candle
rose quartz
rose petals - add love to connection
honey - harmony
sugar - attraction
rose oil - make him drawn to me
petition with this name and what i want
lavender incense for cleansing
dandelion leaves - communication
red clover - love

hi guys! so i wanted to put a love spell on someone. but i need some ideas for herbs i can use. i dont have any "hard to find" ones like licorice root or blah blah. i have dried rose petals, cinnamon, honey, sugar, basic kitchen stuff you know.

i also have some plants like patchouli, dried dandelion leaves, red and white clovers, wild violet leaves and mugwort

please help a girl out 🥺🫶🏻