r/BorderlinePDisorder

In all my years of therapy, I still don't know how to discern the difference. I feel alone when he's right there. I can talk to him but there are no actual conversations. He tells me he loves me but I don't feel it, and I don't know if it's me or him. He feels miles away from me at all times even when I'm trying to bridge the distance.

The flair doesn't describe well enough. Kinda venting, kinda hoping for some advice that doesn't berate me or tell me it's all my fault.

I (25f) am diagnosed bpd. Dating this guy (39m). He got good intentions but some of his behaviours trigger my bpd and makes me miserable. These includes

- rarely planning anything. apparently he wants to do xyz but never happens in reality. we work together so he thinks enough if we meet there. it requires I go there on my day off while he's working. i've done this for 10 months but I'm tired of it and feeling like I'm being taken advantage of.

- women friends that I don't know anything about. if I ask what kind of friendship they have he'd call me controlling and jealous. happened before when I tried to ask for reassurance about why he comments in a certain way online to these women friends videos

- lied about who he's hanging out with. said he will hang out with mom on midsummer day in june and latter said he hasn't seen his mom since may. then I go back and look at the video he sent on midsummer and there's a woman and her kid. could be completely innocent but this lie affected my trust even more

- late replies. he got better at it after I communicated how it affects me. whenever he doesn't work he takes around 1-2 hours to reply on normal hours and when working he reply within minutes. my trust or feelings already turned into distress and suspicion from the time when he used to take 8+ hours to reply so what he does now really doesn't help fully

- his past and his ideas on boundries. iam possesive, somewhat jealous and territorial. i believe that you shouldn't do some things in a relationship out of respect for your partner or atleast be transparent about it. he thinks it's ok hangout one-on-one with a friend of opposite gender that partner know nothing about and never met and he says he's not a jealous person at all and let his previous partner have a MFM threesome because she wanted to. i would never be ok with letting my partner do that and his boundries seem almost non existent.

On the bright side

- he does care about me and gives me emotional support and to share day to day things I need as a borderline and he has a very realistic mindset about things which I like.

I think my borderline is making me exaggerate some things and self sabotage so I'm thinking what I can do to detach from him and focus on myself because this relationship is CONSUMING me as I feel the need to monitor him/social media because of his women friends and whenever he says I'll hang out with mom I straight off think he's lying and hanging out with one of women friends.

Despite if I continue this relationship or end it, I can not break up or take some one breaking up with me. So I want to detach first so it will be less painful. I'm trying but whenever he writes to me i forget all these problems and go back and later it all comes flooding back. how do I end the cycle?

I already posted this on another subreddit, but it doesn't hurt to post it here too.

Some time ago, in another post, I described my relationship at the time with my ex-girlfriend (24F), who had BPD. I never really stopped supporting her, nor did I want to let her go; however, a mistake on both our parts led to her getting fired from her job. That event made a he furious, and he impulsively decided to end things (this happened almost two years ago). Although, come to think of it, it wasn't entirely impulsive; she had said she wasn't good for me and that I deserved someone better. Afterward, we went "no contact"—neither of us reached out to the other, and we effectively shelved our connection. I moved on with my life and had other partners; I’d check her WhatsApp status updates now and then, but I never truly "got over" her—to this day, I find it impossible. After the breakup, she spiraled back into substance abuse, a chaotic lifestyle, partying, promiscuity, and so on (according to what her close friends told me); in other words, she suffered one of her worst relapses after we split up. It makes sense, really, since she once told me that I kept certain impulses and behaviors of hers in check—that, in a way, I gave her a reason to keep fighting—so I suppose that once I left, that reason was gone. She even told her friends that she couldn't look me in the eye after everything that had happened, and that I deserved someone better. They also told me that she would ask about me and how I was doing from time to time—that sometimes tugs at my heartstrings. Anyway, at one point she started reacting to my status updates, viewing my stories, and so on, but I didn't pay it much mind (even though I sometimes interpret it as a way of trying to get my attention), as I was with someone else and starting a new relationship. Time passed, and she stopped being active on all her social media; her close friends started messaging me to ask about her, and people at university would approach me to ask about her as well. But I didn't know anything. After some time—and after another relationship didn't work out because I realized I had never truly gotten over her and kept missing her—I decided to try reaching out to her everywhere, but I got no response. I contacted her mother, who tearfully told me that she had left home and no one knew anything about her whereabouts. Since she "disappeared" a year ago, no one has heard a thing—absolutely nothing. I would message her on Instagram now and then, thinking that maybe one day she’d read them, but obviously, there was never a reply (she had unfollowed me when we broke up); so, after more than a year had passed, I feared the worst. Then, a couple of weeks ago, she followed me back and made a post that said, "Someday you will never see me again." (a scene from the movie Pearl) That was all she did—she didn't answer my messages or anything; she just followed me and disappeared again. I haven't given up on trying to contact her, and I think that. If she had followed me back, it would have been her way of saying, "Hey! I'm alive—don't worry." I hope she’s doing well, that she thinks of me sometimes—even just a little—and that she’s overcoming her problems and finding a beautiful way to face life. As for me, I truly love her and am truly waiting for her; I want to get to know the person she’s become, even though that will likely never happen. I haven't lost hope yet, nor the urge to seek her out; I still miss her, though it’s complicated after all these years. For now, I’ve gone on with my normal life, continued with my projects, moved forward, and met other people—but she is the only one I truly love. And no matter how much I might want to be with someone else, I always, *always* end up thinking of her. I pull away from others realtionships romantic because they haven't—and won't—evoke the same feelings she did; I really miss her. It’s not that I hate myself—I’ve made progress and I love myself—but it really comes down to that feeling of wanting to be with this person. She wasn't my first or last relationship, but she was the person I loved the most and fought the hardest for.

What do you think? Should I just stop trying? Tomorrow would mark two years with her, and it’s been a year since she disappeared. I sent her a message (which obviously she didn't see) suggesting we meet tomorrow at a place that’s special to both of us. I don't think she'll show up, but it's one of my last attempts.

everyoneaskedaboutyou

I feel unwell anyway but my manager said i need to find my own cover before I can leave

My boyfriend makes my lunches for work but he's been really lazy recently. He owes me a lot of money and knows I'm mad about it but is still putting in 0 effort

Today for my lunch he gave me a raw cut up potato, pasta and mayo in a bowl. I'm at work, out of the house 8:30 am until 5:30 pm. I'm exhaused and he knows I have a class 6:30-8:30 tonight so won't have much time to eat and rest and thats all he gave me for dinner? He works from home for context, which is why he has more time to make food for me

Now I'm stuck at work and unable to leave even though I've been exposed to covid and feel sick. If he's still there when I get home I know it'll be a huge fight. I blocked his whatsapp and he hasnt tried to contact me any other way

Wish we didn't live togther so I could just break up with him at this point