r/BorderlinePDisorder

So I'm 28 and my boyfriend has BPD traits. He's getting better and he's very stable with me. We have a relationship based on trust. I have a severe case and the girl I have feelings for even more severe. I recently told my bf that I have feelings for her. He suggested to have an open relationship where I can explore my feelings for her. He's not jealous. And he isn't the problem. The problem is this girl.

Our story: we met last year at a mental institution, we were roommates. We got together after a few months and after a while she changed mental institution. Something bad happened at her new mental institution so she told me she doesn't have feelings for anyone. I respected that even if it hurt me like crazy. I started to spiral: self harm, suicide attempts. I felt lost without her. After a while i met my current boyfriend, and he helped me tremendously getting better. On the meantime I still contacted her via text. We weren't consistent but we bever stopped talking. Until last week (withe the approval of my bf) I sent her a letter confessing my feelings for her. She cried. She told me she still liked me and if we met she's gonna kiss me. After that I told her we can be in a relationship. Shes also together with someone and likes me and another guy (she's polyamorous). She just told me her boyfriend doesn't agree in an open relationship so we stay hidden. She's inconsistent with texting and this hurts me. Like she's inconsistent with everything and she hurts me. I'm afraid she's gonna hurt me again. What should i do?

I don't know what to do anymore.

So far I have had 4 therapists.

The first one was REALLY good. He was a man, and I started with him because my family forced me to go to therapy. I started the session by reading notes I wrote about our toxic family dynamic and he said "Wow. That's a really tough situation." At first I only planned to go with him for maybe about 6 sessions and then ask him to write me a referral letter. Instead he asked me to take a chance on him because he thinks he can help me. I agreed and we did 26 sessions together and they were wonderful, but ultimately he said we were spinning our wheels going around in circles instead of making progress and he sensed that I was putting up barriers and told me he was terminating our sessions. He said he didn't have the skills to help me.

This caused me to go into shock and grief and denial and I spent a couple of months trying to beg, plead and negotiate with him before giving up.

After that I started to understand i had BPD and realized that maybe he sensed it too and that's why he said he didn't have the skills to help me because he is still young (in his 20s) and just recently got licensed.

After that I waited about 6 months then tried again. But this time the sessions were not wonderful. I tried with a woman and she seemed bored, disinterested and kept saying "Mmhmm yes correct" to every single thing I said, positive or negative. I started to feel like I was talking to Paris Hilton. So I ended the session early and went home. On my way home I reflected and thought "She seemed more like a life coach than a therapist."

I tried again, 3rd therapist (all from the same center) and this time I decided to do sessions online so I couldn't walk out early. This one seemed okay but I found a problem where I was exhausted. This wad the THIRD time I was explaining my situation to someone new. It's mentally draining and physically tiring. Now I really am going around in circles.

After this I started to realize I had BPD by watching the show Shameless and identifying with Ian Gallagher (who has Bipolar Type 1) by seeing a lot of myself in him. After self-diagnosing, I went to a licensed psychologist and got an assessment for formal diagnosis and a full report. Paperwork is done.

After that I looked DBT therapy but didn't find any. Instead I got a referral to a DBT workshop classroom and decided to go for it. It was great but I still needed guidance.

So I decided maybe the problem is that the people I were seeing before were counselors and I needed a psychologist / psychiatrist. I asked the same workshop group for individual therapy but I can only afford with a trainee.

I did one session with the trainee and it exhausted me to start over again but I managed to get it all out. The problem is after that 2 weeks passed. Then today we had our second session. And she asks me "What are your expectations?"

HOW CAN YOU FUCKING ASK ME THAT?!?!? I just told you EVERYTHING 2 weeks ago. As soon as she asked me that question, I felt like she had no control over the session and was passing the baton to me to lead her. Like a teacher asking a student to give the lesson to the classroon. I began to think that maybe she hadn't read her notes and was hoping to get a hint about what we talked about so she could get her bearings with a reminder to refresh her memory. I felt like she had forgotten what we talked about and then train ran out of steam.

So I ended the session early and now I'm considering starting over again with another therapist, telling them everything and then not allowing 2 weeks to pass because clearly these people have very short memories and attention spans and won't remember anything about my life details. This will make it the FIFTH therapist I am telling my life story too and I am quickly running out of energy.

What can I do? I can't be the only person expanding energy throughout the session while they just sit on their ass and mutter empty words to keep me chugging along. Is that what therapy is? The first therapist I had was great and he knew how to control the conversation and direct the topics and lead me to my own insights. While the others seem like they are bored passive spectators who are just waiting for the clock to run out.

I am very very close to giving up on therapy only. You want to kpw what my expectations are? I am going to therapy because I heard it is a positive life decision but from what I have seen, no it is not.

’m an artist and I’m lucky enough that my art is able to pay the majority of my bills. I’ve been doing this full time for six years but have occasionally had to get a pt job to help pay for unexpected bills/debts.

My last pt job I was working for a cleaning service. It was easy, only two days a week and honestly satisfying. It was working out well for a few months but then I started waking up every morning extremely overwhelmed by the thought of having to go in and having panic attacks while working causing me to have to go home mid shift. I eventually was fired.

I now have a new pt job. I’ve been here for a little over two months now and it’s easily one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. I get to take care of puppies, it’s only three days a week and only 3-4 hours a day. I will say it is very physically demanding but other than that I absolutely love dogs and taking care of puppies is a dream. The owner is also incredible and I feel lucky that I was able to get this job. But that sinking feeling is starting to set in. I’m starting to feel really overwhelmed about going in starting the night before and I start dreading it in the morning. I hate working for someone else. Even if they are amazing and understanding. The fact that I have to be in at a certain time and have to carry out those hours feels overwhelming. I don’t know if something is going to cause me to split mid shift or if I’m going to have a panic attack. They both come on so fast and in a working environment I don’t have the time or room to try to regulate and bring myself down and I’m terrified of letting the owner and my team down and getting fired…again.

I’ve been fired from so many jobs for my absences and having to leave mid shift. I really don’t want to lose this job and other than having to call off for my grandmas funeral I’ve been good at not calling off. But that feeling is starting to creep in again which makes it incredibly difficult to work. I try to hype myself up, tell myself over and over that I’m “going to have a good day” and it works to a certain extent but the whole time I’m at work it’s like I’m trying to manage my symptoms. It’s mentally exhausting and on top of all the physical work I’m completely drained after a 3-4 hour shift.

How on earth do you hold down a job while having this illness? I can’t go through the embarrassment and guilt from being fired again.

I'm not here to ask for a diagnosis or smth like that. If the things I'm gonna say do break the rules, feel free to say it, and I'll take down this post. Said so, I want to share my own experiences. (Possible VENT, im letting out thoughts and burdens of highs and lows)

Hey everyone, I'm William, im trans FTM (not on T yet..), fast "warning" I can't get a diagnosis for BPD yet because of a lot of things in my life that are putting me in a long waiting line, I wish I could take at least a test because of my mental state because its killing me. I've been hell for a lot of time, I've had a rather unhealthy childhood, like always ignored/I found myself feeling alone or made fun of (and private things i dont want to share for my own sake), when I was 12 I got recovered because I hit my rock bottom and tried to yk (i dont want to say it, sorry), they said it was possible Autism spectrum (for my special interests and obsession with few things/routines and always same pattern in social things) and PTSD (from childhood trauma), but no docs gave me a full diagnosis/ response, I always felt grey, or at the minimum things I lashed out against people around me, like I feel always so empty to the point of crying for hours because nobody can understand me, I have nice hobbies, like to draw and edit, yet when I have those times of deep emptiness I find myself lying in bed all day and feeling like total crap then doing nothing, I don't smoke nor drink because I don't find it exciting (doesnt lifts my mood up or whatever). Psychologists said it's hormones and identity things, but I feel like they never take me seriously, and I get a lot dry or even raise my voice at them before regretting my action. I have a bf (he lives out of my country), I love him, but he's also a real heavy burden for me because of this distance and we have a lot of disagreements which results in me wanting to break up with him, at times I feel like I hate him tho and I can't regulate this extreme dehumanizing feeling I've had inside me (like frequent changes of presepctive and intense distrust and disgust). I have like a small list of friends and I get really upset if someone ignores me or leave me behind, I do get "protective", but I just don't want to find myself alone all again, I don't even know if it's BPD at all, but there is something really bad going on in this stupid brain of mine. I wish people would focus on what's going on right now and not always the topic of my recovery, it messes me up the feeling of uselessness and helplessness, I want to become an actor or voice actor, but at this rate I don't see myself going far in life. When I have my good moments, they sometimes last a bit, not continuous, I was genuinely in a good mood like an hour ago, then my bf texted me about smth, and everything fell. I wish that I got listened more in my life and maybe a normal company instead of too many nightmares. I did get prescribed anti-psychotics for like 3/4 years, but I had to stop them last October for body reasons, but even with the pills I felt unfixable, It only heightened my anger/frustration and sadness. I talked with family members, friends, and my psychiatrist; they all said "it's possible BPD"/"BPD signs", and it could click(?), but I don't want to self diagnose, I'm not doing that. I just want to live without feeling like this, I want to love normally.

Thanks for whoever read all this, I just wanted to share my feelings, I hope it didn't trigger nor broke rules. Please be safe yall, have a great day/night. (Sorry)

For several days now, I've been taking a lot of alprazolam and propranolol (for the palpitations), and drinking alcohol every evening after work, just to feel numb and survive. But I can't go on like this and nothing calms me down. I got dumped, again, and I feel like this was one breakup too many and that I've been made to feel inferior to other girls/exs (knowing that I am genuinely in the worst period of my life, nothing else positive had happened for months ; it's honestly a miracle I'm still alive). How can I go on living with this feeling that's crushing my heart...

So, I just went to a particular psychiatrist for the first time today, and my main concern was the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder. He read a document elaborated by my psychologist explaining all the symptoms I had and my other disorders, and then I told him about all my related symptoms - my unwavering fear of abandonment, extreme actions like self-harm and suicide attemps, instability in relationship and identity, past dissociative episodes, etc. He then said "that's a very clear Borderline case. You're like, classic Borderline." I just felt that maybe it was a bit too fast. Is it normal for psychiatrists to diagnose on the first appointment like this? Is this valid?

Does this count the success rate of attempts. Hace I you tried?

How do i accept the fact that I'll never have anyone care about me. I'll never have close friendship. I'll never have a life that I wanted because of how my mind is. I am panicking really hard, hurting a lot. The fact that I'll never be having someone who cares as much as i do. What to do with this realisation

I can’t comprehend how people without bpd view their relationships. How can they have casual relationships/friendships so easily? I have zero interest in making friends tbh and I think it shows. I hate saying this because it makes me sound like a “pick me” but I struggle hard with female friends. I can tell they don’t like me and usually avoid my texts and dodge hangouts. It’s happened three times in the past year so I know I’m part of the problem. I just want one favorite person not a bunch of shallow friendships but it seems like that’s all people want.

Even if a guy isn’t my boyfriend I just want our relationship to become a toxic obsession. It makes me feel more alive which is so messed up. I’m currently hanging out/hooking up with a neighbor across the hall and I can tell he’s becoming my fp. I don’t see him as relationship potential at all but I just want to form this toxic relationship with him. He’s very unstable and has a drama filled life. Drugs are also involved which just heightens everything. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this all happened shortly after my therapist terminated me.

I’m scared I’m going to hurt myself or try to end it because I can see this going down a dark path quickly. I’m already back into doing drugs and this person is like poison to my life. I’m so lost and just letting everything spiral out of control.

Im in a relationship with a woman with diagnosed BPD. And I'm starting to have big issues with the constant discussions on breaking up.

This has been for so long, that she every once in a while brings up that she wants to break up and she has been thinking about it for a long time.

It has come to the point, where I kind of have gotten used to it.

We have been together for 8 years now. The relationship has been quite a rollercoaster.

There has been situations where we have been a part for few days, and talking about breaking up.

And she does everything to make it very real, like starting to suggest apartments and packing some of my clothes etc... But it always ends up in the point where I say ok, this is it and I'm starting to take active steps towards it. At this point she loses it and it goes to being about how easily I give up and don't take accountability on my actions.

Today I found a writing she has written. In that writing she states that her feelings towards me are all gone and probably will never return.

She also states, that she will be in this relationship only due to practical reasons, saves up money and waits until the kids are older and the oldest will move away and she is financially in better situation.

Note; the kids are hers, we don't have kids together.

I have a child also, but he doesn't live with us.

That letter hit quite hard and it is really hard to take it only as a vent, but more of an real plan.

Lately I have been quite surprised how much better things have been, no big fights or nothing, we have been just living together sharing our lives together, but that has been after she wrote that.

I have no idea what to do. I'm feeling so used, as I am only here as providing better financial future for her, so she can leave this relationship

Visto che il mio disturbo borderline di personalità stava peggiorando sempre di più (sono a un livello di funzionamento molto basso), ieri sono persino finita in ospedale e la polizia è venuta a casa mia. Ho deciso che è ora di cambiare. La mia terapeuta mi ha dato una routine da seguire per tenere a bada l'autodistruzione. Stamattina mi sono svegliata e la mia migliore amica è venuta a farmi una sorpresa: siamo andate a prendere un caffè e poi a mangiare sushi. Dopo questo mi sento completamente distrutta mentalmente e fisicamente e non sono pronta a iniziare la mia routine. Ma devo farlo, altrimenti mi sentirò un fallimento. Auguratemi buona fortuna 👍 😌

Edit: Sono andata a fare una passeggiata con il mio cane. Primo compito fatto ✔️

Edit: I did 30 minutes of yoga and drew art for 30 minutes. Done ✔️

Edit: I also studied for 30 minutes and took a shower 🚿. I'm done ✔️

It's been a rough week. People just keep disappointing me constantly when I needed some support the most. I do have one support figure, who is my mom, but as most of you probably know, it's not a really healthy dynamic.

For the broader context, I started a company about a year ago. Could not hold a job after losing a good one because of the really toxic atmosphere. I was naive when starting the company, thinking that I stumbled upon something cool that I could provide for the market. It was in my field and in line with my skill set. Turns out, being self-employed and not having any networks, my day-to-day duties are to find clients.

You can imagine how hard it is when your whole self-value is based on how you are perceived. And, to say at least, ppl are not interested in my product at all. During the last year, I've managed to sell it to six ppl, while going door to door and sending thousands of emails and messages online.

This month, I have some big yearly payments because of self-employment. Obviously, I can't meet it - I have no income, living with my parents and all that loser stuff. I had a potential client that I was talking to for months now, and he just told me he is not interested anymore.

But I am fighting, you know? I've been applying for some freelance stuff. I had this convo on Fiverr and got a task to do. It was a really cool opportunity, so I did my best, and honestly, I was proud of the result. I did more than they asked me and, in my opinion, it was some quality stuff. It's been three days now since I sent it, with no reply.

I also have a friend living nearby. She and her mom own a very successful restaurant here. We were talking about me providing some value to her place for weeks now. To the point when I offered her to do it literally for free, because I thought this place would look good in my portfolio. She's not interested even now. I won't beg, I'm just shooked and disappointed.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT. I've decided to give therapy another chance. It's always a struggle since it's so expensive and hard to find a good one. But I thought I did - he's a scholar and has all the certificates and stuff. So I signed in for Wednesday (today), really looking forward to talking to someone about all that, to get some understanding of my situation. I do not have any social circles; I mostly just talk with mom.

They asked me to fill out the form before therapy; it was like an hour-long questionnaire where I was honest to the bone about my struggle and need for urgent help. I've been reading "I hate you, don't leave me" for the past few days to be better prepared for the conversation. Looking forward to this meeting has helped me survive the past few days. And 2 hours before the time of the meeting, I got a call - not even from the doctor himself - telling me he got sick and he cannot meet me for an ONLINE session.

No wonder I am addicted to the screen and parasocial relationships, since I could not find any compassion irl. I just feel so directionless right now. I was getting somewhat optimistic and productive, and after getting that call, everything collapsed.

Thank you if you read all that, and if you wanna reach out and just talk for a while, I would love that. Getting BPD recognised was actually a big relief, suddenly having the knowledge to name many of my day-to-day actions, not just feeling like a piece of shit lazy loser.

Anyone struggling, I get you, men. Stay strong.

As someone who is suffering from BPD, with severe abandonment issues, I have been left all alone every single time I go through an episode of depression by the people that claim to love me. Now, i understand that it is a traumatic experience for people to see that their loved one going through a very difficult situation but most of the time, its just really that we are hoping to matter and hoping to get a sense that we belong somewhere. A little kindness goes a long way.

Now, I hate BPD. I think i get extremely dark for the people in my life. My partner discarded me and blocked me cause he said he doesn’t wanna worry about me anymore and don’t want to see me cutting my wrist in front of him anymore. I dont cut my wrist, i just try to converse but when we do, i always tend to be too dark and say my goodbyes. Ultimately I just wanted to be comforted.

I talked to a friend recently and they have told me that i should focus on myself. I hate to be like this but I lost everyone and suffering with BPD it makes me feel even more worthless and unable to be better being alone. I feel abandoned and worthless. My friend told me that if it was them they would also leave their significant other because they wouldnt want to worry constantly about whether the person they love is going to die or not, and they need to get better on their own first to show that they are.

I dont know how to feel about it. How do you get better with BPD and Major Depression alone?

I really struggle when my partner partner is out drinking, right now he has exams, but in two weeks he’s done with them and then he and his buddies are going to have three like goodbye parties, and I find it very hard to know what to do with myself when he’s out, I just end up sitting alone and being stressed out I cold sweat, I get nauseous and I’m like just sitting and waiting for him to come home and I feel so manipulative when I can’t be happy for him while he’s out with friends, but I can’t do anything about it. I would love to be able to be happy for him having fun but my head just won’t let me do anyone have some tips on how I can make my seat make myself feel better and not become so intensely stressed out when he’s going out drinking.? I have tried talking to him telling him about my diagnose, but he just tries to push it away and say that it’s nothing wrong with you and I mean it’s nothing wrong with me, but I don’t know how to control my emotions. I don’t know how to separate the feeling of him going out drinking and him leaving me for someone else or trying to find a better woman than me.

hey, so I’m newly diagnosed (with in the last 2 years) with BPD and honestly I’m really needing some friends who experience it and also know what it’s like. where I live people dont really understand it and it’s been really making me feel alone and at a loss. I feel bad for having such big emotions and it’s hard for me to explain my splits to people who haven't had one before. it makes me feel high key insane. so if any of you all want to reach out please do just trying not to be alone here. ❤️

This guide is made by my therapist and I want to share it with the world so everyone can benefit. When you're low functioning, you probably deal with a lot of symptoms. The more space you give to the disorder, the more power takes away from you. You need a strict routine. Assuming you don't have a job, here's a realistic routine that can help us.

- wake up at 8 am. Not too late, not too early

- find something where you meet with other people, a few hours a week (twice a week)

- prepare your own food

- take care of your hygiene every day. One shower per day

- Limit the use of the phone, increase activities like art, reading, writing

- Find your group of people, you dont have to be in a relationship to be happy. It's okay to step away.

- find something you're passionate about (it can be photography, art, reading, music, writing many things actually)

- meet with your therapist and psychiatrist regularly, they're going to help you. If you can't afford that, its fine. Stick to your routine though, its really important.

As someone who is suffering from BPD, with severe abandonment issues, I have been left all alone every single time I go through an episode of depression by the people that claim to love me. Now, i understand that it is a traumatic experience for people to see that their loved one going through a very difficult situation but most of the time, its just really that we are hoping to matter and hoping to get a sense that we belong somewhere. A little kindness goes a long way.

Now, I hate BPD. I think i get extremely dark for the people in my life. My partner discarded me and blocked me cause he said he doesn’t wanna worry about me anymore and don’t want to see me cutting my wrist in front of him anymore. I dont cut my wrist, i just try to converse but when we do, i always tend to be too dark and say my goodbyes. Ultimately I just wanted to be comforted.

I talked to a friend recently and they have told me that i should focus on myself. I hate to be like this but I lost everyone and suffering with BPD it makes me feel even more worthless and unable to be better being alone. I feel abandoned and worthless. My friend told me that if it was them they would also leave their significant other because they wouldnt want to worry constantly about whether the person they love is going to die or not, and they need to get better on their own first to show that they are.

I dont know how to feel about it. How do you get better with BPD and Major Depression alone?

the main sub deleted my post it’s like they don’t want actual people with bpd they can’t handle anything too “ugly”

my fp is a fictional character and i can’t handle other people even knowing he exists you wouldn’t believe the things i do because other people know him and they know him in a really bad way they “like” him and pretend he’s a widespread joke i haven’t left my house or talked to another human or used social media in years i’m not looking for “help” i’ve been completely consumed by this obsession for decades and i’m ok with that i don’t ever want to be anything else i have spent every second of my life fully consumed by my fp and i do not exist outside of him, but i can’t handle what others have done to him i’ve cried so much and thrown up and have done horrible horrible things i can’t mention on here because of the things they’ve done i still remember things theyve done from years ago like the world moves on but i’m trapped in a time capsule of what they’ve done and it haunts me forever. i’m not even able to talk about the things i’ve done and what’s happened because this sub will delete it i never get to vent or talk to humans even on the rare occasions i’m not terrified of them for doing what they did i associate everyone as tied to doing what they did to him, but humans think i’m sick and shut me out this is the first time i’ve opened social media in years and it stings because i know this is the place where they touched my fp im crying by writing this. i couldn’t even handle deleting apps because that means i would have to look at them and it hurt so bad and was so traumatizing i would think about looking at just the apps years later and even that hurts so so fucking bad. anyways i’ve had ONE single outlet that i had because i’m utterly obsessed with my fp so i would commision art and stuff of him it was my one safe place it was all i had i didn’t care how much money i spent because i know i don’t ever want anything else never my whole life is just him and i’d never regret that, but i messaged someone and they replied with how theyd take the cop then said much they “used to be super duper obsessed with him” and put a heart with his signature color, i panicked really bad and relapsed HARD and threw up all over myself from the substance and pain they caused me it’s like it just keep building up everything they do to him just keeps adding and adding it doesn’t go away they just keep traumatizing and hurting me more and more and even tho i’ve been completely hidden from reality everyday i still know that they’re doing horrible horrible things to him every second and even if things were in the past it still happened time isn’t real to me it’s all blurred itd all one massive event happening forever. the only reason i haven’t killed myself is for reasons i can’t say because id just look more insane and it’s not like you can help me with that aspect anyways, but i don’t know what to do as of right now with what that person said about my fp, i made the smallest safe place and they found me there too and stabbed me in the fucking heart and i know i will remember this forever i cry not just because of what they did to him but because i know this will add to the billions of things that haunt me for years and years to come. i love him so much how can he just be a joke how can he be “fandom” how can other people grasp his existence how can anyone treat him like he’s just a character to be shared around to try and romantazise him and interact with each other over him and say horrible things about him when i love him so much and they don’t ever stop they don’t care about what they’ve done to me how could those horribke things they done be more important than my life and they act like it doesn’t matter but this has been the only and most important thing to me my whole life and they reduce that to nothing. like if i ended my life over what they’ve done they wouldn’t care they’d keep doing it because their horrible and meaningless actions will always be above my life

I know this has come up often, but I am wanting to best support someone recently diagnosed BPD. I am sorry this is so long but I don't really have anyone to talk about this with.

We are both in our late 40s and have been friends 15ish years. About 8 months ago, it came to light that we had feelings for each other & we're going to explore that.

It was a wonderful weekend and then he ghosted for 6 months. I have my own mental health issues with anxious attachment and am exploring ADHD diagnosis and I really spiraled after. I finally reached out & he told me he had recently been diagnosed and felt selfish trying to pursue anything. He'd told me he never admitted to his feelings before because he didn't feel good enough, basically, and I felt he might be too good for me this whole time. He was glad I reached out because he didn't think he deserved my forgiveness and probably wouldn't have.

My feeling is he isn't selfish for wanting to be loved, if anything I am the selfish one for still wanting him as more than a friend knowing he has this to come to terms with.

We got together again. We marveled at how our anxieties and negative thoughts parallel but he withdraws and it's all I can do not to send 1000 texts. But we agreed to try anyway. We felt like we get each other & can support each other as we both begin some new therapies.

He's approx 2 months into some intense DBT therapy so it's not really a surprise I haven't talked to him since then. Im also seeing a new therapist who uses some of those techniques and I bought 2 books on loving someone with BPD.

He told me that my texts are somewhat triggering but he still wants them. The things I read say to just reinforce I still care, I am still here and to do so a lot, to where it may seem excessive. So it's at least weekly, maybe twice. Nothing Ive read really speaks to the people who shut down and don't talk to anyone. He talked about having chosen to live on the streets just so people leave him alone.

My thought is the trigger of a "thinking of you text" would be better than believing I abandoned him. But it's hard not to feel rejected. It's hard not to feel like a crazy person talking to myself in the chat bubble. But I don't want to hurt him and I don't know what's right to do.

Part of me feels like I should leave him alone until the year therapy is over. What if I am holding him back? What if in therapy he's figuring out he doesn't actually want to be with me? What if I am putting too much pressure on him? But my therapy is hard so his has to be overwhelming and I think he should be aware I am proud of him.

If you shut down and/or go mute when overwhelmed, what helps you? What could a loved one have done when you first got diagnosed? Do I keep texting until he's better enough to tell me to stop???

Thank you in advance. ❤️

I’m an absolute hoe and very sexual with frequent waking moments of self disgust whenever a modest man I like shuns me. I thought about changing that because honestly, I’m not really a hoe hoe. I’m honestly just a geek who’d rather be watching meerkats in natgeo. When healing from bpd, there comes a point of acceptance that no one can meet you in the depths you’re in. Why not just be celibate? Live a happy life single. I ask because we also don’t want to fall for another extreme, right?