r/Fatherhood

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Dear fellow parents, my two-year-old son occasionally experiences episodes of sudden crying during the night, which typically last for two to three minutes before ceasing abruptly. I have already ruled out teething discomfort and hunger as potential causes. I am reaching out to inquire if any of you have encountered a similar situation?

I’m a first-time dad (32M), and my wife (32F) and I have a 4-month-old daughter. We’ll call her Melanie.

She’s an amazing baby. Happy, healthy, smiling, laughing, and hitting all of her milestones.
The problem is that she seems to only have an issue with me.

I’ve been involved since day one. We were both lucky enough to get three months off after she was born, so I got a ton of time with her early on. We took newborn classes together before she arrived, and since my wife never exclusively breastfed, I’ve been able to feed Melanie bottles from the beginning.

I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I can usually get about five good minutes with her before she starts crying. Not just fussing, but full-on screaming. The confusing part is she’s completely fine with everyone else. My best friend can hold her. My wife’s best friend can hold her. Her babysitter, who has watched her since she was born, has no issues. It’s just me.

My wife has been amazing about trying to help. She gives me Melanie when she’s in a good mood, handles things like saline drops and the nose sucker so I’m not associated with the unpleasant stuff, and every night I read to Melanie while she has her bedtime bottle so she hears my voice during a calm part of her routine.
Nothing seems to be making a difference.

It’s honestly crushing me. I want that bond with my daughter so badly, and instead I feel like I stress her out just by holding her.

It’s also putting more on my wife because it’s just easier if she takes care of Melanie, and neither of us wants that to become our normal.

Has anyone else gone through this? If you did, when did things get better? Was there anything you did that actually helped, or did your baby eventually grow out of it?

I could really use some hope right now.

I have much too short of a fuse to anger, and lack the patience to reliably be there for my daughter.

She is currently in the transition from pre-k to kindergarten, and struggling with it because she knows that her pre-k friends will all be going to different schools than her. And she is acting out about it. A lot.

Tonight we had an issue at bedtime about a specific toy that had been taken away for the night due to her actions. Turned into a full meltdown that went on long enough that I lost my temper. And it happened. I yelled at her, in her face, and loud. I, a grown ass man, was yelling at a child. Like a fucking asshole.

I am not cut out for this. She deserves better. She shouldn’t be stuck with such a shit dad like me. And I don’t know what to do to fix this.

Your co-parent can’t unsend it. Neither can you.
Been seeing a lot of posts here about screenshots being disputed in court, messages being deleted, “that’s not what I said” becoming a whole argument.

I was going through this exact scenario. Painful back and forth with the he said she said. I said no more. I Built something in DadSpace specifically for this. Co-parent messaging that’s locked the moment it’s sent. No editing, no deleting, legal names attached, full timestamps. Your co-parent doesn’t need an account, just a secure link. Export the whole thread as a court-ready PDF in one click. I am now on the way to a better more functional version of coparenting and I wanna help dads like me get through a tough situation in the easiest way possible!

Live now, free to use.

I have two kids. One is in Grade 5, and the other has just started school. I've never attended a parent-teacher meeting. My spouse always goes instead. She often encourages me to attend, but I've never really felt like going. Do you attend your children's parent-teacher meetings? If so, do you find them helpful or worthwhile?

Howdy folks, I’m new to this Reddit post thing, so I’m sorry if it’s not completely up to par, just in advance.

I’m a 25 year old man. My wife and I are expecting a son in September and it’ll be my first child. I’m so absolutely horrified of being a bad father and just would like to get any semblance of advice that y’all have learned that can help me be better. I don’t know how else to put it, but I don’t want to be horrible to my child or to my wife and would love anything I can get to work with.

I’ve always wanted to be a father, so this is the greatest blessing I could’ve ever been given in my life. I just don’t want to mess anything up here.

I recently found this community and thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm a 42 year old divorced dad with two sons. My youngest is 18 and lives with me, and my oldest is 19 and is home for the summer.

To be honest, I'm still figuring out what life looks. While the divorce is over, parenting never ends—it just changes. I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to stay close to my boys as they become adults.

For those with older kids, I'd love to hear about your experiences: What surprised you the most after your divorce? How did your relationship with your adult children evolve? Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I know every family is different, but it helps to learn from people who've already walked this road. Thanks for any advice or experiences you're willing to share.

Tldr; we have had different parenting and I don't know if we can work it out.

My boyfriend 21/M and I 19/F have been together for a little over 6 months now.

We don't fight often because we communicate. He values my opinions, helps me with anything and always tries to be a good boyfriend. Other way around the same. We both feel secure and loved. So our relationship is pretty good so far and I think and hope it will last with our effort.

But there is something that worries me, and I am scared it will have an impact on our relationship: We had different parenting.

I come from a wealthy family and I grew up with a different attitude towards life than he did. My family wasn't always wealthy, but most of my life. I do value a lot of things in life and at most more than others do, but it's hard not taking specific things for granted if you grew up with them your whole life, and I don't mean always getting the newest phone or a car, I can't even name these things because as I am told, it just "lies in the attitude of rich people". I am also not as disciplined as he or his whole family is and my attitude towards life is more easy-going or slack in comparison to what his parents have taught him, because I could always do whatever I want whenever I want and did not suffer any consequences. So I naturally grew up thinking "I can do anything I want" even when I know now that I can't. And that is a big issue I think.

His family didn't have a lot of money with him growing up I think, but now they have enough money to buy a nice house and always have lots of food at home. His parents are very disciplined and for them, there is no room for mistakes whatsoever. They made sure their kids get that pov too. His dad recently started to get annoyed at me, at things I do and told my bf something like "she's lazy, undisciplined and her attitude towards life is ignorant. Why not choose someone better?" And that had me thinking. His dad thinks I will "erase his potential" in some way if we stay together and that he will become "undisciplined" like me. With the laziness he means taking painkillers when I'm in pain because one doesn't have to take them and they're bad for you (I have endometriosis and literally end up in the hospital when not taking them) or because I'm on my phone a lot. I have about 2-5 hours of screentime a day, varies a lot.

To give you a better understanding of my lifestyle: I major biomedicine, I do sports at least 3 times a week and meanwhile I work part time. I have worked hard for the life I have and I am happy, and he tells me I'm lazy for taking painkillers or asking my boyfriend to eat up the plate if I'm too full for finishing it because "it's a rich persons lifestyle". I think that's rude but I can't change his view on me.

Personally I think what your parents have taught you is a part of your identity, even if it is having "no discipline" and be "ungrateful" for me. I am happy with how I am because I know that I'm a good person. I didn't choose my parenting, so it's not my fault. I can just try to be a better person for both of us, which I already do but I could never be as disciplined as he is because I just didn't learn it that way. Childhood shapes you.

Even tho I am scared this will have a big impact on our relationship in the future, he tells me we can work it out because he does value discipline but it doesn't have to be my top-priority. I mean my personality isn't just "no discipline and lazy" but it could still affect us long term.

What do you think?

I’m eager to hear what approaches and patterns have worked for you and in transparency where you feel like things could be different/better.

On our end, we have daily chores, required reading & "touch grass" time, but otherwise allow for free play outside of these things. The older boys (10 & 11) are clocking 4-5 hours of screen time on average days when we don’t have activities going on outside the house.

I know it was similar for me growing up in the early days of the internet and mass gaming, and from what I can tell this is fairly average. We do have some restrictions on games and media. We banned Youtube and Roblox. Youtube video recommendations were scary/brainless, and most of the popular games on Roblox just seem like straight dopamine harvesters. I sat down to play Roblox games with them every once in a while and God did it feel mind-numbing.

How do y’all decide what to allow access to? Anything banned or limited in your house?

This started maybe 6 weeks ago and I don’t know what switch flipped.

Before, he would push boundaries in the usual toddler way. Like he’d do something he wasn’t supposed to do and kind of hope we didn’t notice. Now he does it while looking right at me.

Last Tuesday he picked up the TV remote, which he absolutely knows he’s not supposed to touch, stared at me, and put it in his mouth. Not even because he wanted it. It felt like he was just checking what version of me was showing up that day.

Yesterday he climbed onto the coffee table, saw me looking, and just kept going. We stared at each other for a few seconds and honestly I think he had more confidence than I did.

I know this is normal toddler stuff. I know he’s testing limits and figuring out what happens. I know I’m supposed to stay calm and be consistent.

But man, it is weirdly harder when they’re making eye contact while doing the exact thing you just said not to do.

My wife thinks it’s funny. I’m trying to get there.

I know there are a lot of various resources out there, but I am still a fan of a book that I can read in comfort and absorb.

I am soon to be a father for the first time, so any books about raising a boy and fatherhood would be appreciated.

My son has a lot of great qualities. He is really funny, makes friends everywhere we go, and can hold a conversation as if he were an adult. He is crazy stubborn though and makes up excuses for everything he doesn't want to do.

Over the last year or so he started to give up on things when they get a little bit hard or if he isn't automatically good at them. Reading, sports, chores, board games. We start out with encouragement, but it usually devolves into forcing him to do something or threatening to take away things he likes if he doesn't comply (legos, TV). I have family and friends with kids his age and haven't witnessed the constant battle like this. I'm not expecting him to do more than his peers, just want to make sure he keeps up (especially reading and writing).

Any suggestions on strategies to use to motivate him?

I'm especially interested in hearing from dads who became primary caregivers after separation or who navigated major disagreements about having children.

My wife and I have a wonderful 2.5-year-old daughter. She is the light of our lives.

My wife is currently about 23–24 weeks pregnant with our second child, a boy.

The problem is that we want completely different things.

I desperately want this baby.

My wife wants to terminate the pregnancy.

She has told me she believes our marriage is fundamentally broken and that she doesn't see a way back. She says she wants to become her own person again, build her career, have financial independence, have friends, and not spend the next several years raising another child.

She recently completed a Medical Office Assistant program after working very hard for it, completed her practicum, and finally feels like she has an opportunity to build a career. She says that while my career continues to progress, hers has repeatedly been put on hold because of children, and she doesn't want to become financially dependent on me again.

She has also said she simply doesn't want to raise a second child.

From my perspective, I have been trying to solve every practical problem I can think of.

• I have a stable job.
• Our daughter is in daycare and will be starting preschool.
• My mother has offered to come and live with us for an extended period to help raise the baby.
• I have repeatedly told my wife that I am willing to do the majority of childcare outside of working hours.
• I've tried making detailed plans around finances, childcare, schedules, and support.

Unfortunately, none of those things seem to change how she feels.

She has basically told me there are three possibilities:

1. She terminates the pregnancy.
2. She continues the pregnancy, we separate, and I become the primary caregiver for the new baby while we co-parent.
3. If she continues the pregnancy because she feels pressured by me, she believes the emotional damage would permanently destroy any possibility of repairing our relationship.

She says that if she has this baby against her wishes, she will never recover emotionally from feeling that her choice was taken away.

I believe she genuinely feels that way.

At the same time, I already feel emotionally attached to this baby.

I've imagined bringing him home.

I've imagined my daughter becoming a big sister.

I've imagined our family becoming four people.

The thought of losing that future feels unbearable.

Another thing making this difficult is that I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home.

I've always believed children benefit from parents working through difficult times together.

My wife believes the opposite—that children benefit more from happy parents, even if those parents are no longer together.

I can understand why she feels that way, but it's incredibly painful because I still wanted us to try.

I'm also struggling with the possibility that if this pregnancy ends, I don't know how I would ever process that grief or what it would mean for my relationship with my wife.

I'm trying very hard not to blame her.

I know she isn't making this decision casually.

I know she's scared of losing herself.

But I'm also grieving someone who, to me, already feels like my son.

So I'm asking people who have actually lived through situations like this:

• Have any of you faced a situation where one parent desperately wanted the baby and the other didn't?
• If your marriage survived, what helped?
• If it didn't survive, what do you wish you'd done differently?
• If you chose separation, how did your children adjust?
• If you experienced grief over an unborn child, how did you eventually find peace?
• Looking back years later, what advice would you give someone standing where I am today?

Please be kind to both of us.

I know people will have strong opinions.

I'm simply trying to understand this situation as honestly as I can and make the best decisions I can for my daughter, my unborn son, my wife, and myself.

Loved the first kid so much, had a second. Loved the second the same, had a third.

We dont have a village, its been hard, totally worth it, but hard. Wife and I have had a lot of rough patches, but theyve been fewer and farther between lately. Thought the rough patches would never end.

If your raising kids without a village, keep the faith, hang in there, life is awesome once you start to figure things out.

Im 26 single dad to a 7yr old boy. His mother is out of the picture for the last 3.5 years due to addiction. My problem is every now and then he asks about his mother.

Most times I change the subject. But eventually I won't be able to anymore.

Is family therapy a good way to go? I just don't know how to handle it?

I can remember there were certain girls that got ostracized (not necessarily bullied, in my experience), and I could see no benefit in being friends with them, and they made no efforts themselves. In hindsight, they were probably on the spectrum.

My interaction with them was extremely limited, but I know what my opinions of them were.

Now, I've got the best thing that's ever happened to me going to school with kids who think the way I did and it just makes me feel, as per the title, crappy. She's an oddball, and perfectly happy in her own company, which to my 8yo self would've singled her out as a 'weirdo'.

Sorry it's not much, can anyone decipher what I mean, and maybe relate?

[supprimé]

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for honest advice from people who have been through something similar, especially dads who have had children in their first serious relationship.
Myself (M/25) and my girlfriend (F/29) got pregnant accidentally after only about 3 months together. She’s my first relationship and the first person I’ve ever had sex with. Our son is now 8 months old. We decided to keep him and I decided to stay.
I love being a father. I’m heavily involved with my son (feeding, changing, bedtime, doctor visits, and I regularly care for him on my own). If we ever separated, I’d want to remain a very active father and ideally have around 3 days a week with him.
The problem is that I’m really struggling with the relationship.
Over the last few months I’ve developed a lot of resentment and, honestly, some contempt. I don’t feel very attracted to her anymore. She’s always been on the heavier side and now gained a lot of weight, and although she says she wants to get fitter, I haven’t seen much follow-through so far. I also struggle with her constant complaining, and I’ve reached the point where I sometimes tune out when she talks. Intimacy feels like a chore, and I often don’t want to have sex.
At the same time, she’s genuinely a good mother. She loves our son, takes good care of him, and despite our arguments we still sometimes laugh together or enjoy a movie. We usually reconcile after fights, although life with a baby is obviously stressful.
One thing I’m struggling with is that I never really got to experience dating or relationships. Because this was my first relationship and we became parents so quickly, I honestly don’t know what a healthy long-term relationship is supposed to feel like. I don’t know whether I’m unhappy because this relationship isn’t right for me, or because I never had the chance to choose freely and now I’m grieving the life I imagined I’d have.
I also don’t know whether my expectations are realistic. Am I expecting a perfect partner that doesn’t exist? Or are these signs that we’re simply not compatible?
I don’t want to leave just because I’m having a difficult year. Equally, I don’t want to stay for decades in a relationship where I’ve emotionally checked out.
I’m not looking for validation to leave or to stay. I’m genuinely trying to understand what I’m feeling before making any permanent decisions.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did your relationship recover after the first year with a baby, or did you eventually realize you weren’t the right partners? Looking back, what do you wish you’d understood at the time?

Didn’t know what tag to put lol but was curious what people would say