r/Fatherhood

I got home 4 nights ago, and my 17year daughter was suddenly talkative. 20 min in she was confessing all the things that was causing her severe anxiety from body image issues to relationships. I have never ever seen her so distressed. On the outside the kids sometimes "look" okay but we never know. I am so glad I didn't pick that overtime shift. We talked for hours and I can sense the relief in her. That said it's not over for her. I never liked saying kids are "okay" and this is why for me. I just hope so. Dad's don't let good grades and "not typical troublemaker" stop you from doing pulse checks.

When my wife and I were getting ready for the birth of our daughter we either bought or were gifted lots of disposable diapers, but we also bought several packs of pocket diapers (I won't name the brand, I'm worried this is going to sound like an advertisement). I was honestly scared we were going to just get frustrated with them quickly, and that investment would go to waste, but...well...no.

I don't think we even used a quarter of the disposable newborn diapers we had (my mother keeps books for a church that runs a daycare, our daughter is already too big for the newborn size, so we just donated them for any families that needed them). Within a week or two the pocket diapers were just our standard, unless we were going out (the only reason we don't use them going out is that we have a limited supply of wet-dry bags, and more are currently on order).

I've always heard that cloth diapers are gross, but...I've now changed both. You have to deal with pee and poo either way, and I'd rather wash them than have a stinky trashcan overflowing with used butt garments.

I've also always heard that you need disposables for daycare. While my wife ended up staying home with our daughter (we're making it work), we did talk to two daycares (including the one mentioned above). Both said that if we wanted to use pocket diapers we just had to provide wet-dry bags and they'd stuff the used ones in the bag for us to take home at the end of the day.

On top of that, the pocket diapers are just more secure. I can struggle trying to get that adhesive strap to stick on a disposable, or I can just use the snaps on a pocket diaper. Early on we were having blow-outs every day with poop all over her clothes. We have never had a single blow-out when she was wearing a pocket diaper.

And on top of that, looking at used ones for sale on eBay, they don't even seem to lose that much value when you resell them! When we're done we can recoup a decent chunk of our initial investment (assuming they're still in usable condition, which they might not be if we have multiple kids, I admit).

Since we started, I've shown these things to parents, parents-to-be, and on a few occasions someone with a relative about to have a baby. Every single one of them was shocked at how good these things are. Apparently "cloth diapering" still evokes images of wrapping a handkerchief around the baby and securing it with a safety pin.

The only possible reason I can think of why pocket diapers aren't the standard is they aren't advertised. I just can't shake the feeling that disposable diapers are basically a scam on new parents to take as much of our money as possible.

My [27M] wife [26F] gave birth to our first child back in early June; a son. I've been on paternity leave since then and it's been the best ~2.5 months of my life bar none.

I grew up one of the older kids in a big family helping out with little siblings so I never doubted I'd have the technical ability to take care of a kid, but the entire pregnancy I got more and more anxious about if it was what I actually wanted or if I was just following in my parents' footsteps. Turns out it is exactly what I wanted.

I love taking care of my son. I love feeding him bottles and changing his diapers and giving him baths and staying up all night with him so my wife can get good sleep. I love the new dimension it's added to the relationship my wife and I have. We were already in a rock solid marriage, but I think it's just opened up new ways to support each other and show our love, as well as reveal new aspects of each other to appreciate.

I love that there's this little guy who lights up when I walk in the room and giggles when I kiss his hand. I love seeing how curious he is and how hungry he is to understand and participate in the world around him. I cannot wait to introduce him to all the aspects of life my wife and I love and help him understand who he is, where he comes from and where he's going.

I don't want to act like it's easy (not that you guys would believe me if I did), because it's definitely not. It's been a ton of hard work, especially since he was born almost 2 months premature and the early going was extremely stressful. But the upsides of fatherhood have totally surpassed my expectations; it feels like what I'm supposed to be doing, which is a huge relief for a guy who's never felt a ton of professional satisfaction from any of the jobs I've worked for money.

I've only got a week left on paternity leave and it makes me want to cry. I'm going to cherish these months for the rest of my life but it sucks that I have to do anything besides taking care of him and being there for my wife. If any generous millionaires or universities studying the family want to bankroll my wife and I being stay at home parents please DM.

My wife is pregnant with our third and final child, and we recently found out we’re having another girl.

I love my daughters more than anything, and I’m genuinely excited to meet this baby. At the same time, I’m having a harder time than I expected with the realization that I probably won’t have a son. I grew up in a very male-heavy family—brothers, no girl cousins, and a fairly stereotypical “macho” environment. I had always pictured experiencing father-son things myself someday.

I know interests like football, outdoorsy activities, learning confidence, responsibility, and “manhood” are not exclusive to boys. My daughters can absolutely share those things with me, and I want to be the kind of dad who supports them in whatever they enjoy. This is not disappointment in having daughters or a belief that girls are somehow less meaningful.

I think I’m grieving an imagined version of fatherhood that I had carried around without fully realizing it. I don’t want that feeling to affect my daughters or my wife, so I’m looking for advice from dads who have experienced something similar: How did you work through gender disappointment and shift your perspective in a healthy way?

My 3 yo catches a new virus every other month from the daycare. And I catch that same virus every other month from hey. And it gets very difficult for me to take care of her.

Any advice on improving immunity? Magnesium, Zinc tablets etc?

Me and my partner not long had our daughter shes just over 3months old and I know im gonna get shit for this probably but I feel like I dont wanna be a dad or a father to our daughter I say that because I dont wanna feed her change her or do anything with her. I was never sure I ever wanted kids and had already told my partner this when we got together so she knew from the start but I respected her wishes of not being able to get rid of something made from our love and we do love each other very much its the reason im still with her but I just feel like the way I am atm is gonna cause massive problems later down the line and i dont know what to do. Ive tried doing more and helping out but I find myself most of the time just wishing to be alone

Hey all,

So I’ve recently gotten together with a girl I’ve known on and off for 6 years and we had a 4 year gap inbetween because I was blocked from all her socials (she had an abusive and manipulative Ex and 16 yr old me did not know what was going on)

We recently just got back in touch as of like.. 2 Months ago and I swear it’s like we never stopped talking, she really is the one for me and I can’t wait to put a ring on her.

When we met two weeks ago, I’ll spare the details, we had unprotected sex and it’s pretty much 99% certain I’m going to be a father.

At first I was nervous when it happened, then excited, then scared like I didn’t know what to think, but now I feel like I’m trying to play it “too cool” mainly so I can just be there for my lady, but also so she doesn’t see me freaking out as much as I am on the inside.

We want the baby. Abortion was something that came up once and never again. I’m just scared absolutely shitless I have to admit.

Any advise would be so greatly appreciated on how you all handled it your first times.

Thank you all

I've realized I should have done it a while ago, and now I don't know how to start.

I am just here for a quick vent. Financially we are in a terrible situation. My kids are teens 16/17 heading to college soon. Right now, just working 40 hours a week, i just can't pay the bills. That said i used to work 60 hours so 40 hours feels very easy. Last 5 years, i have been parenting very well. I have an incredible relationship with them..Help them with homework, summer activities, take them to parties and get the gist, taught them gym exercises etc... They come to me for advice and greet me at the door even as teens. I can work more back to 70 hours or file bankruptcy and ruin my credit for 10 years. I have sacrificed a little my financial future for time with them. I always felt we can't have it all especially in lower middle class families. I hope i made the right choice.

My kid is almost 10 and I still sometimes get just this weird fear about something happening to her. She’s fine and healthy, but I still get these irrational fears and worries before I leave the house for work and check on her sleeping before I leave. Most days I’m good but they never really went away since she was a newborn. Anyone else have these irrational fears?

I just saw that article about that dad who dressed up as spider man for his terminally sick son who passed away in 2014 and it just reminded me how lucky we are that she was born healthy and still is healthy. Like I wouldn’t know what the fuck I would do if she was that sick and I would be so angry all the time.

Just thinking.

For those of you that were one and done by choice, do you regret it? Is there any ounce of you that wishes you can go back in time and try for a 2nd? I always wanted multiple kids, and still do, but the idea of being one and done doesnt sound as crazy to me as it did before. Why? I don’t have a great reason. My son is my mini me, I love every second I get to spend with him. Yes, some days are harder than others but that’s just being a parent and raising a child. How do you give your first born the attention they need when you have your 2nd? Do they get used to not being the center of attention the whole time? Idk, maybe I’m just scared.

Not just some few hours ago my daughter's born and now am someone's dad (I tried not to cry but...well I didn't)

I've only experienced this type of feeling and level of gratitude twice, and now I think it's going to last for a while. Am so happy to have such innocence and beauty and hope it lasts forever.

I feel so happy, I can't explain it in words and I want to share the good news.

Feel free to throw in celebrations, fun facts, suggestions, questions or whatsoever

i’m an 18 year old living in southern california i got my ex girlfriend pregnant before i broke up with her and before i knew about it, she is adamant on keeping it and im scared to hell. i don’t have a job im right abt to get my license but at this time i dont. at this time she is 17 but by the time the baby is born she will be 18 im am trying to convince her to have an abortion because i think its still early enough to have one in california. she also is unemployed, no license, and might not graduate highschool. I am enrolled in college for the fall and idk if i will need to drop out and start working. my parents don’t know but i know if they do they’ll kill me. idk how child support works and idk how much ill have to pay

some side notes my family is better off than hers(idk if that effects anything) and her parents also don’t want her to have it but she really does want it

please let me know if there is a better spot to share all of this and if you have any advice

My daughter (2) and I (31M) were on vacation in Türkiye for 5 weeks. Her mother, my fiancee was supposed to come to us week 3 in so we can spend 2 weeks together on vacation and explore the country. She didn't come earlier due to work. She ended up not coming and cancelling her ticket which was very upsetting.
We came back yesterday morning and not even an 10min after my fiancee picked us up and dropped us off at home she took my daughter and left the house without saying a word and did not come back. 30min later the police were at my door and served me a TRO for an argument that we have had previously, nothing physical id never do such a thing but just a verbal argument. She ripped my daughter away from me and acted like nothing was going on during the car ride back, hugging me, kissing me, rubbing my back saying she couldn't wait for us to be home, that she loved me. Everything she did was premeditated and I am beside myself spiraling. I don't know where my daughter is, I can't see her or speak to her and all I can think about is her. I don't know who will be looking after her while her mom is at work. I am not doing okay at all. Please, tell me this will get better somehow or I'm having a bad dreaming. I just want my baby girl back holding my hand.
Struggling dad

Hi fathers! I'm 35M, she's 32F. Together 5 years. I've never wanted to become a father; she wants a kid and a family. We started seriously talking about it last year and we're now at the point where we might break up over it.

My reasons for not wanting them:

• I need time for myself: my hobbies, and quiet time to recharge.
• Fear that a kid becomes the center of everything and us slowly disappears - that every conversation turns into logistics, and that her character changes in way that I might not like and then I would face the choice to stay in an unhappy relationship or break up while having a kid.
• Fear of losing my identity and be involved in social situations that I wouldn't like to attend (like birthday parties of class mates, driving around)
• The state of the world right now, politically and environmentally.

I think she's genuinely unique and I'm happy with her almost every day. That's what makes this so bad.

So... did anyone here choose to have a child mainly to stay with their partner? How did it go? Did you end up regretting it, or resenting for it or actually you enjoy your new life?

And for anyone who chose the breakup instead - do you feel you made the right call?

Thanks for sharing your experience and for any recommendation.

Hey gents, so as the title states, I got my fiance pregnant. We've been together for about 5 years and have wanted kids in the future, but her period was late and she took 2 tests yesterday and both came out positive...

We're going to a clinic later today to confirm if she is indeed pregnant. We're absolutely terrified.

I myself am in the Air Force, and she's an assistant teacher at a school for down syndrome. We make okay money, but it feels it's not enough for us even now and we just got a puppy.

We have our own place, I'm currently renting and it's taking just under half of my salary.

We're absolutely terrified to tell our parents as we're both Christians and had planned on getting married in a year or 2.

We want to wait about 3 months before we tell anyone as we know miscarriages happen so we want to be sure before we say anything.

And I know, it takes 2 to tango and I'm not confused as to how this happened, we've had unprotected sex for majority of our relationship, after all this time I assumed one of us was infertile ..

I know I really gotta buckle down and get our lives in order for this child if it really is happening and if so, be an amazing dad. I know it'll be hard, maybe that's an understatement. But push comes to shove, be there and be proud...

I don't know what I'm really asking for, maybe just to vent because I'm shit scared haha

My daughter is getting married in a couple months and I keep bouncing between being excited, emotional, and wanting to make sure everything is okay. I’m happy for her, truly. But part of me still remembers teaching her how to ride a bike and telling her to quit picking on her brother. Now she’s grown, making her own decisions, and building a life with someone she loves.

My soon to be son-in-law in all fairness i think he is a kind and loving husband, they've been in a relationship for almost 9 years. I'm confident that my daughter has chosen a partner who mirrors the values, respect, and love she deserves. So I know I need to let go of the overprotective dad part of me and just be there for her.

Still, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t gotten a little misty-eyed about it. How did you dads handle it when your daughter got married?

Today's shower thought after a comment was made to me by a friend recently.

It's really hard to make and keep friends, especially as a dad. Connecting with someone new that you actually make the effort to keep connecting with is like, extremely hard.

I recently saw a life long friend for the first time in a year. It might as well have been the first time in 24 hours because it was like no time had passed. She commented on it as well and this morning it got me thinking.

Thinking about my current list of "friends". I honestly would say "colleagues" would be a better description, even for those I'm closer too. I thought about those over the years I've connected to, and then split apart from, and the connection for almost all of them was work related. I thought about those currently in my life, and realized that if it wasn't for work, I probably wouldn't hear from any of them unless I reached out.

I call them one way street relationships. I've had this thought before and for the last 6 months have made an actual effort to... Make a new friend. They aren't just going to knock on your door, so I've been taking the kids out more and actually talking to other parents to see if there's a connection. I've been going to local shows and events with the same goal. 0 success, like at all. Not even a hint of recognition from people I've talked to before.

Maybe it's me... I'm a dick, I know it.. It's not what I say but how I say it.

But I'm struggling with the bed I've made for myself. Especially the fear of passing it on to my kids to where they grow up without friends. I'm struggling with the feeling that I have to force myself into the lives of those I call my friends. That if I don't I would just fade into the darkness with nobody noticing, and if it wasn't for social media that fade would be a blip.

So daddit, how do you make new friends as a dad? How do you keep those friendships alive? Do you pursue one way relationships just to have people in your life? Is the struggle real?

My ex is pregnant, and she has decided not to have an abortion. I respect that it’s her decision, but I don’t want to become a parent.

I’m in Canada and I’m worried about what this could mean for me, including possible financial responsibilities.

I’m not looking for legal advice or a way to avoid the law. I’d like to know who I should contact to understand my rights and responsibilities and what questions I should ask a family lawyer.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation in Canada? If so, where did you go to get reliable legal information?

My daughter is 2 and a half and month after month bedtime is getting harder and harder. When she was younger it took around 45 minuites, then it started taking an hour now we are almost up to 3 hours for bedtime routine and its getting frustrating. Takes longer to wind her down, she cries and gets upset at more and more things, more books, more this, more that, another trip to the bathroom despite me asking before we go to bed its infuriating.

I try to set boundaries and say stuff like "this is the last book and then bedtime" repeat it 4 or 5 times and she says yes and she understands each time and then after said book massive mental breakdown and crying and wont lie back down.

How many more years of this does it take before this becomes easier? We try and do the exact same routine every night for consistency and make her as comfortable and stress free as possible and it only gets worse and worse and worse. We tried putting down harder boundaries and she cried and screamed so badly we almost had to take her to the hospital for hyperventilating and panic attacks because we told her no... like... what the fuck how did we survive as a species?

EDIT: i have read all the comments and I think the consensus is generally the same I have to A) sleep train and set firmer boundaries even if she cries B) drop the naps or C) do both... thanks for all the advice going to discuss with my wife and see what to do