u/suggestions-hunter

Hi fathers! I'm 35M, she's 32F. Together 5 years. I've never wanted to become a father; she wants a kid and a family. We started seriously talking about it last year and we're now at the point where we might break up over it.

My reasons for not wanting them:

• I need time for myself: my hobbies, and quiet time to recharge.
• Fear that a kid becomes the center of everything and us slowly disappears - that every conversation turns into logistics, and that her character changes in way that I might not like and then I would face the choice to stay in an unhappy relationship or break up while having a kid.
• Fear of losing my identity and be involved in social situations that I wouldn't like to attend (like birthday parties of class mates, driving around)
• The state of the world right now, politically and environmentally.

I think she's genuinely unique and I'm happy with her almost every day. That's what makes this so bad.

So... did anyone here choose to have a child mainly to stay with their partner? How did it go? Did you end up regretting it, or resenting for it or actually you enjoy your new life?

And for anyone who chose the breakup instead - do you feel you made the right call?

Thanks for sharing your experience and for any recommendation.