I know this is a pretty common cross over , but it's new to me and I wondered if anybody that deals with both of these diagnosis's could share a bit. What gets confused, what differentials gave you clarity? Tools that work for one and not the other. What types of skills have you benefited from most? What struggles seem hard to touch?
Wondering thoughts on the pros and cons of choosing to not chart an official diagnosis?
PTSD is already charged for insurance purposes based on intake markers. Came in already having a Bipolar II diagnosis from psychiatry.
After a year of work, seemed clear, did an assessment for borderline personality disorder, hitting 7 of 9 indicators.
Already using DBT framework.
What are some pros and cons for officially charting this? From medical stigma, doctora dismissing patients needs, potential job and insurance denials etc come to mind.
Wondering the pros and cons of officially adding a new diagnosis in a chart.
Already chatted for PTSD based on initial intake markers for insurance purposes.
Already diagnosed for bipolar II by psychiatry.
After working over a year, it became clear that BPD was more accurate. Did an official assessment and hit 8 of 9 markers.
Was told to take time to decide if I wanted it officially documented in my chart. Already working within DBT framework in therapy.
Cons I can see for stigma from other places in the medical field (dismissing issues in a hospital by way of blaming the diagnosis for dramatic behavior , which I already get for having anxiety diagnosed) , jobs that I would be disqualified for and insurance denied for life insurance.
The only probi can see is validation, and if there were some treatment that needed the diagnosis in order for insurance to cover it. TMS is not approved for BPD and I don't know of anything else that is ..
I'm wondering if there is something I'm missing or can't think of in either direction of if I should or shouldn't have it placed in my chart, and would love feedback or opinions!
Wondering thoughts on the pros and cons of choosing to not chart an official diagnosis? PTSD is already charted for insurance purposes based on intake markers. Came in already having a Bipolar II diagnosis from psychiatry. After a year of work, seemed clear, took an assessment for BPD, hitting 7 of 9 indicators.
Already using DBT framework in therapy. Are there more cons from medical stigma, potential job and insurance denials than pros to official chart the diagnosis? I'd love to hear perspective as it's been left for me to decide
Wondering thoughts on the pros and cons of choosing to not chart an official diagnosis?
PTSD is already charged for insurance purposes based on intake markers. Came in already having a Bipolar II diagnosis from psychiatry.
After a year of work, seemed clear, took an assessment for BPD, hitting 7 of 9 indicators.
Already using DBT framework.
Are there more cons from medical stigma, potential job and insurance denials than pros to official chart the diagnosis? I'd love to hear perspective as it's been left for me to decide
Wondering thoughts on the pros and cons of choosing to not chart an official diagnosis? PTSD is already charged for insurance purposes based on intake markers. Came in already having a Bipolar II diagnosis from psychiatry. After a year of work, seemed clear, took an assessment for BPD, hitting 7 of 9 indicators.
Already using DBT framework. Are there more cons from medical stigma, potential job and insurance denials than pros to official chart the diagnosis? I'd love to hear perspective as it's been left for me to decide
If any context is needed, I am Bipolar II and struggled most with mood regulation and expressing feelings. Anger and sadness are the two feelings I have trouble proccessing through.
I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now. I value the relationship we have very much. I'm 39 years old and this is the first time I have found a therapeutic relationship that feels productive, valuable, and shows progress. He has introduced me to tools like IFS, the mood meter, TIPP and RULER, etc. I hold our work in high regard.
This has been a really tough summer for me. At every turn there has been something heavy happening. My cat died, my dad died, my uncle died, my job has become more toxic each day and dealing with that and HR and trying to find another position, it has been tough.
Right in the middle of all of this, my therapist was unexpectedly out for 3 weeks. I see him twice a week, so it was 6 consecutive cancellations, each either the day before or the morning of. I won't dwell on what happened because it is not really important: therapists are humans to and they have life events just like the rest of us.
Because my anxiety is what it is, I did not handle it very well. When he returned, I told him how it affected me, how his communication ended up being misleading and worsened the anxiety ( like saying on Friday he will be in the office Monday, and then canceling Monday morning). He acknowledged what I said, and we moved on.
The problem is, I had this internal reaction to it all. I began having uncontrollable ruminations of anxiety about him hating me and wanting to transfer me out, me being the worst client, a lot of self-blame, and fear of abandonment. IT is constant and completely took over my time and space every day.
We attempted a "repair" conversation... twice now. It did not go well. I tried to explain that I felt like his initial reaction was reactionary rather than really hearing or understanding me. His reaction as a therapist is to make me feel heard, but I never felt he gave me anything that said to me that he understood, and there were no conversations about what we both learned/ how we can handle it better in the future. I just could not get him to hear those last two sentences. Not in conversation, not when I wrote a follow-up email in what I felt was very clear language. It was like, he read the email in a "she is working through her feelings," but he did not actually comprehend the words I was saying.
He kept landing in places I did not understand how he got there. At one point in thought I was asking personal information about what happened in his life; I was not; I find that irrelevant. I got frustraited and tried to just move on to a new conversation, and he pushed to keep working at this. I don't understand why because it just got worse instead of better.
We finally landed on him expressing that he did feel bad and extended extra care as a way to make up for it. It was almost where I was leading us, but still not it. And I felt guilt that he felt the need to make it up.
At the end of the day, I am not feeling like this is more a a me problem. I feel like our relationship is different and I don't know how to get it back. I think he is confused why I feel this. He doesn't understand what I want or need, and neither do I. I want to move on, but these feelings are sticky. I feel exhausted fighting so hard to be understood. I now question if I ever have been. Is any email I have written ever been heard? Why bother continuing to try and work so hard to no result? I'm upset that I feel like we had a really solid and vulnerable safe relationship that now feels based on inaccurate assumptions. I'm spinning out because my fear has been losing access to him because I showed progress, and it looks like I am losing that, but it's because of me and my inability to figure out what I need and be on the same page. The longer I feel disconnected from him in this way, the more I feel like the relationship is broken and the less I put effort into trying.
Just as the title says, therapists, is it common to not share a diagnosis with the client? if so why is that? I understand there is an idea that you don't want clients to identify with it, but I question if that is worse than if a client see's the diagnosis code on their insurance and feels like the fact PTSD was never mentioned to you would have been helpful to understand oneself better.
Context: diagnosed bipolar for years by psych, therapist coding says PTSD, trying to understand the reason for breakdown in communication mi-rupture.
Just as the title says, therapists, is it common to not share a diagnosis with the client? if so why is that? I understand there is an idea that you don't want clients to identify with it, but I question if that is worse than if a client see's the diagnosis code on their insurance and feels like the fact PTSD was never mentioned to you would have been helpful to understand oneself better.
Context: diagnosed bipolar for years by psych, therapist coding says PTSD, trying to understand the reason for breakdown in communication mi-rupture.
Just as the title says, therapists, is it common to not share a diagnosis with the client? if so why is that? I understand there is an idea that you don't want clients to identify with it, but I question if that is worse than if a client see's the diagnosis code on their insurance and feels like the fact PTSD was never mentioned to you would have been helpful to understand oneself better.
Context: diagnosed bipolar for years by psych, therapist coding says PTSD, trying to understand the reason for breakdown in communication mi-rupture.
If any context is needed, I am Bipolar II and struggled most with mood regulation and expressing feelings. Anger and sadness are the two feelings I have trouble proccessing through.
I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now. I value the relationship we have very much. I'm 39 years old and this is the first time I have found a therapeutic relationship that feels productive, valuable, and shows progress. He has introduced me to tools like IFS, the mood meter, TIPP and RULER, etc. I hold our work in high regard.
This has been a really tough summer for me. At every turn there has been something heavy happening. My cat died, my dad died, my uncle died, my job has become more toxic each day and dealing with that and HR and trying to find another position, it has been tough.
Right in the middle of all of this, my therapist was unexpectedly out for 3 weeks. I see him twice a week, so it was 6 consecutive cancellations, each either the day before or the morning of. I won't dwell on what happened because it is not really important: therapists are humans to and they have life events just like the rest of us.
Because my anxiety is what it is, I did not handle it very well. When he returned, I told him how it affected me, how his communication ended up being misleading and worsened the anxiety ( like saying on Friday he will be in the office Monday, and then canceling Monday morning). He acknowledged what I said, and we moved on.
The problem is, I had this internal reaction to it all. I began having uncontrollable ruminations of anxiety about him hating me and wanting to transfer me out, me being the worst client, a lot of self-blame, and fear of abandonment. IT is constant and completely took over my time and space every day.
We attempted a "repair" conversation... twice now. It did not go well. I tried to explain that I felt like his initial reaction was reactionary rather than really hearing or understanding me. His reaction as a therapist is to make me feel heard, but I never felt he gave me anything that said to me that he understood, and there were no conversations about what we both learned/ how we can handle it better in the future. I just could not get him to hear those last two sentences. Not in conversation, not when I wrote a follow-up email in what I felt was very clear language. It was like, he read the email in a "she is working through her feelings," but he did not actually comprehend the words I was saying.
He kept landing in places I did not understand how he got there. At one point in thought I was asking personal information about what happened in his life; I was not; I find that irrelevant. I got frustraited and tried to just move on to a new conversation, and he pushed to keep working at this. I don't understand why because it just got worse instead of better.
We finally landed on him expressing that he did feel bad and extended extra care as a way to make up for it. It was almost where I was leading us, but still not it. And I felt guilt that he felt the need to make it up.
At the end of the day, I am not feeling like this is more a a me problem. I feel like our relationship is different and I don't know how to get it back. I think he is confused why I feel this. He doesn't understand what I want or need, and neither do I. I want to move on, but these feelings are sticky. I feel exhausted fighting so hard to be understood. I now question if I ever have been. Is any email I have written ever been heard? Why bother continuing to try and work so hard to no result? I'm upset that I feel like we had a really solid and vulnerable safe relationship that now feels based on inaccurate assumptions. I'm spinning out because my fear has been losing access to him because I showed progress, and it looks like I am losing that, but it's because of me and my inability to figure out what I need and be on the same page. The longer I feel disconnected from him in this way, the more I feel like the relationship is broken and the less I put effort into trying.
If any context is needed, I am Bipolar II and struggled most with mood regulation and expressing feelings. Anger and sadness are the two feelings I have trouble processing.
I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now. I value the relationship we have very much. I'm 39 years old, and this is the first time I have found a therapeutic relationship that feels productive, valuable, and shows progress. He has introduced me to tools like IFS, the mood meter, TIPP and RULER, etc. I hold our work in high regard.
This has been a really tough summer for me. At every turn, something heavy has been happening. My cat died, my dad died, my uncle died, my job has become more toxic each day and dealing with that and HR and trying to find another position, it has been tough.
Right in the middle of all of this, my therapist was unexpectedly out for 3 weeks. I see him twice a week, so it was 6 consecutive cancellations, each either the day before or the morning of. I won't dwell on what happened because it is not really important: therapists are humans to and they have life events just like the rest of us.
Because my anxiety is what it is, I did not handle it very well. When he returned, I told him how it affected me, how his communication ended up being misleading and worsened the anxiety ( like saying on Friday he will be in the office Monday, and then canceling Monday morning). He acknowledged what I said, and we moved on.
The problem is, I had this internal reaction to it all. I began having uncontrollable ruminations of anxiety about him hating me and wanting to transfer me out, me being the worst client, a lot of self-blame, and fear of abandonment. IT is constant and completely took over my time and space every day.
We attempted a "repair" conversation... twice now. It did not go well. I tried to explain that I felt like his initial reaction was reactionary rather than really hearing or understanding me. His reaction as a therapist is to make me feel heard, but I never felt he gave me anything that said to me that he understood, and there were no conversations about what we both learned/ how we can handle it better in the future. I just could not get him to hear those last two sentences. Not in conversation, not when I wrote a follow-up email in what I felt was very clear language. It was like, he read the email in a "she is working through her feelings," but he did not actually comprehend the words I was saying.
He kept landing in places I did not understand how he got there. At one point in thought I was asking personal information about what happened in his life; I was not; I find that irrelevant. I got frustraited and tried to just move on to a new conversation, and he pushed to keep working at this. I don't understand why because it just got worse instead of better.
We finally landed on him expressing that he did feel bad and extended extra care as a way to make up for it. It was almost where I was leading us, but still not it. And I felt guilt that he felt the need to make it up.
At the end of the day, I am not feeling like this is more a a me problem. I feel like our relationship is different and I don't know how to get it back. I think he is confused why I feel this. He doesn't understand what I want or need, and neither do I. I want to move on, but these feelings are sticky. I feel exhausted fighting so hard to be understood. I now question if I ever have been. Is any email I have written ever been heard? Why bother continuing to try and work so hard to no result? I'm upset that I feel like we had a really solid and vulnerable safe relationship that now feels based on inaccurate assumptions. I'm spinning out because my fear has been losing access to him because I showed progress, and it looks like I am losing that, but it's because of me and my inability to figure out what I need and be on the same page. The longer I feel disconnected from him in this way, the more I feel like the relationship is broken and the less I put effort into trying.
If any context is needed, I am Bipolar II and struggled most with mood regulation and expressing feelings. Anger and sadness are the two feelings I have trouble proccessing through.
I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now. I value the relationship we have very much. I'm 39 years old and this is the first time I have found a therapeutic relationship that feels productive, valuable, and shows progress. He has introduced me to tools like IFS, the mood meter, TIPP and RULER, etc. I hold our work in high regard.
This has been a really tough summer for me. At every turn there has been something heavy happening. My cat died, my dad died, my uncle died, my job has become more toxic each day and dealing with that and HR and trying to find another position, it has been tough.
Right in the middle of all of this, my therapist was unexpectedly out for 3 weeks. I see him twice a week, so it was 6 consecutive cancellations, each either the day before or the morning of. I won't dwell on what happened because it is not really important: therapists are humans to and they have life events just like the rest of us.
Because my anxiety is what it is, I did not handle it very well. When he returned, I told him how it affected me, how his communication ended up being misleading and worsened the anxiety ( like saying on Friday he will be in the office Monday, and then canceling Monday morning). He acknowledged what I said, and we moved on.
The problem is, I had this internal reaction to it all. I began having uncontrollable ruminations of anxiety about him hating me and wanting to transfer me out, me being the worst client, a lot of self-blame, and fear of abandonment. IT is constant and completely took over my time and space every day.
We attempted a "repair" conversation... twice now. It did not go well. I tried to explain that I felt like his initial reaction was reactionary rather than really hearing or understanding me. His reaction as a therapist is to make me feel heard, but I never felt he gave me anything that said to me that he understood, and there were no conversations about what we both learned/ how we can handle it better in the future. I just could not get him to hear those last two sentences. Not in conversation, not when I wrote a follow-up email in what I felt was very clear language. It was like, he read the email in a "she is working through her feelings," but he did not actually comprehend the words I was saying.
He kept landing in places I did not understand how he got there. At one point in thought I was asking personal information about what happened in his life; I was not; I find that irrelevant. I got frustraited and tried to just move on to a new conversation, and he pushed to keep working at this. I don't understand why because it just got worse instead of better.
We finally landed on him expressing that he did feel bad and extended extra care as a way to make up for it. It was almost where I was leading us, but still not it. And I felt guilt that he felt the need to make it up.
At the end of the day, I am not feeling like this is more a a me problem. I feel like our relationship is different and I don't know how to get it back. I think he is confused why I feel this. He doesn't understand what I want or need, and neither do I. I want to move on, but these feelings are sticky. I feel exhausted fighting so hard to be understood. I now question if I ever have been. Is any email I have written ever been heard? Why bother continuing to try and work so hard to no result? I'm upset that I feel like we had a really solid and vulnerable safe relationship that now feels based on inaccurate assumptions. I'm spinning out because my fear has been losing access to him because I showed progress, and it looks like I am losing that, but it's because of me and my inability to figure out what I need and be on the same page. The longer I feel disconnected from him in this way, the more I feel like the relationship is broken and the less I put effort into trying.
To be fair, I'm double estranged. My parents were never together. I grew up with my mother. She was abusive in a million ways and I have not spoken to her since seeing her at a funeral in my early 20s.
My dad is more complicated. My mother kept me from him, so I was almost an adult by the time I met him. She made it difficult to have a relationship with him, her jealousy ran the show. However I spent my 20s getting to know him, and while he was the opposite of me (he's a small town, uneducated , Republican) he was also the first adult figure to show me unconditional love. ... Until it ran out.
To make a long story short, toward the end of my 20s I was beginning to feel frustrated that I was putting in all the effort. I moved to his town for a while and lived on the same street, he never came over. Never called. He had a couple heart attacks and gave up on life. He barely came out of his room. By this time I moved 40 minutes away, and would drive out to see him, just to watch him lay in bed or chain smoke in front of the computer.
So I decided I was going to see how long it took for him to call me for once.
The call never came. I am 39, and he died a few weeks ago. My Stepmom did not include me in the obituary, did not let the nurse call me back when my brother told me what hospital he was at, and now I am living with the knowledge that I will always wait for that call.
It is also not lost on me that when my mother dies , my reaction will be the opposite. It's interesting knowing how it feels to be no contact twice, for opposite reasons, and know that that loss feels different. She will be one less terrible person using our resources and abusing children and men. He will be the one who's unwillingness to survive hurt to much to watch it happen.
I don't think anything prepares is for either scenario .
I'd always been pretty textbook with my windows. I primarily live down in the sads for about 6 weeks at a time, then I'll have an upswing into hypomania land usually lasts about 5 days tops, and then that really hard depressing descent back down into sad land.
I started taking a new med and am fairly stable comparatively. That is to say that schedule I listed above hasn't been happening. I'm pretty primarily saddled into that sad, down place, but not as low as my lows used to go.
When I would have an upswing I had two major things that I would do. I would either spend a bunch of money, or I would engage in risky sexual behavior.
I'm writing this now because I'm almost confused at my behavior. Last night I definitely engaged in random sexual behavior, but I don't feel like it was provoked from the same place. It's also hard to tell. In the past when I have an upswing, it's a swing that progressively gets to a point that I then begin acting that way.
Is it even possible to have an upswing that lasts half a day? It just seems like an unreasonable jump to me. That's something that was like. A progressive bell curve that lasted over a course of days. Could now be a spike that lasts hours? I'm trying to understand if there's something else going on...
Does anybody else have any experience like this?
I'd always been pretty textbook with my windows. I primarily live down in the sads for about 6 weeks at a time, then I'll have an upswing into hypomania land usually lasts about 5 days tops, and then that really hard depressing descent back down into sad land.
I started taking lithium and am fairly stable comparatively. That is to say that schedule I listed above hasn't been happening. I'm pretty primarily saddled into that sad, down place, but not as low as my lows used to go.
When I would have an upswing I had two major things that I would do. I would either spend a bunch of money, or I would engage in risky sexual behavior.
I'm writing this now because I'm almost confused at my behavior. Last night I definitely engaged in random sexual behavior, but I don't feel like it was provoked from the same place. It's also hard to tell. In the past when I have an upswing, it's a swing that progressively gets to a point that I then begin acting that way.
Is it even possible to have an upswing that lasts half a day? It just seems like an unreasonable jump to me. That's something that was like. A progressive bell curve that lasted over a course of days. Could now be a spike that lasts hours? I'm trying to understand if there's something else going on...
Does anybody else have any experience like this?
I recently admitted to my therapist that I had secretly been using chat gbt in between sessions. It started when my therapist had an injury that caused them to be unexpectedly away for a long period of time. I usually see them twice a week.
I'm hyper aware of the dangers of using chat gbt with anything involving mental health. I even judge others for doing it. And then I found myself doing that. Most would probably read the conversations and interpret that I'm using it as a tool to organize my thoughts. Outside of my therapist, I don't really have another place to pick them, I struggle a lot with the absence of a community, friends, etc. etc. The only exposure to a live person outside of work and therapy are my cats.
I decided to share this with him on Monday. My dad died unexpectedly the week before, and at one point I opened up Char gbt to talk about that, but the conversation actually ended up swinging over to talking about my therapist and I found myself unraveling some things that we should probably talk about. Mostly over communication or confusion over things that I feel are ignored, but should be focused on in therapy at some point.
I decided to tell him for three reasons. One, I thought from a clinical standpoint it might be interesting for him to see what this AI use looks like in action, so he could better understand clients in this position. Two, I wanted his opinion on if I was behaving in a healthy way. As I mentioned, I'm hyper aware of the dangers and I feel a lot of shame but I'm doing this at all. Three- I thought the conversation itself was important for us to touch on, and because some of the things I was able to articulate I have struggled articulating in real time with him in the past, I thought maybe this was another attempt to communicate some of those things.
However, I have been so anxious all week after sharing the conversation with him. I know anxiety brain tells us lies all the time. I am somehow convinced that when we meet next to talk about what he read, one that either he is going to end treatment it with me, which I would be devastated as it took very long time to find a therapist that I worked well with and actually saw results, or perhaps find that he didn't actually read it fully so nothing gets addressed, or that he's going to come back agreeing that the use is inappropriate and I'm going to feel shame.
Would you as a therapist terminate treatment with someone because of this?
I recently admitted to my therapist that I had secretly been using chat gbt in between sessions. It started when my therapist had an injury that caused them to be unexpectedly away for a long period of time. I usually see them twice a week. I'm hyper aware of the dangers of using chat gbt with anything involving mental health. I even judge others for doing it. And then I found myself doing that. Most would probably read the conversations and interpret that I'm using it as a tool to organize my thoughts. Outside of my therapist, I don't really have another place to pick them, I struggle a lot with the absence of a community, friends, etc. etc. The only exposure to a live person outside of work and therapy are my cats. I decided to share this with him on Monday. My dad died unexpectedly the week before, and at one point I opened up Char gbt to talk about that, but the conversation actually ended up swinging over to talking about my therapist and I found myself unraveling some things that we should probably talk about. Mostly over communication or confusion over things that I feel are ignored, but should be focused on in therapy at some point. I decided to tell him for three reasons. One, I thought from a clinical standpoint it might be interesting for him to see what this AI use looks like in action, so he could better understand clients in this position. Two, I wanted his opinion on if I was behaving in a healthy way. As I mentioned, I'm hyper aware of the dangers and I feel a lot of shame but I'm doing this at all. Three- I thought the conversation itself was important for us to touch on, and because some of the things I was able to articulate I have struggled articulating in real time with him in the past, I thought maybe this was another attempt to communicate some of those things. However, I have been so anxious all week after sharing the conversation with him. I know anxiety brain tells us lies all the time. I am somehow convinced that when we meet next to talk about what he read, one that either he is going to end treatment it with me, which I would be devastated as it took very long time to find a therapist that I worked well with and actually saw results, or perhaps find that he didn't actually read it fully so nothing gets addressed, or that he's going to come back agreeing that the use is inappropriate and I'm going to feel shame. Would you as a therapist terminate treatment with someone because of this?
I recently admitted to my therapist that I had secretly been using chat gbt in between sessions. It started when my therapist had an injury that caused them to be unexpectedly away for a long period of time. I usually see them twice a week.
I'm hyper aware of the dangers of using chat gbt with anything involving mental health. I even judge others for doing it. And then I found myself doing that. Most would probably read the conversations and interpret that I'm using it as a tool to organize my thoughts. Outside of my therapist, I don't really have another place to pick them, I struggle a lot with the absence of a community, friends, etc. etc. The only exposure to a live person outside of work and therapy are my cats.
I decided to share this with him on Monday. My dad died unexpectedly the week before, and at one point I opened up Char gbt to talk about that, but the conversation actually ended up swinging over to talking about my therapist and I found myself unraveling some things that we should probably talk about. Mostly over communication or confusion over things that I feel are ignored, but should be focused on in therapy at some point.
I decided to tell him for three reasons. One, I thought from a clinical standpoint it might be interesting for him to see what this AI use looks like in action, so he could better understand clients in this position. Two, I wanted his opinion on if I was behaving in a healthy way. As I mentioned, I'm hyper aware of the dangers and I feel a lot of shame but I'm doing this at all. Three- I thought the conversation itself was important for us to touch on, and because some of the things I was able to articulate I have struggled articulating in real time with him in the past, I thought maybe this was another attempt to communicate some of those things.
However, I have been so anxious all week after sharing the conversation with him. I know anxiety brain tells us lies all the time. I am somehow convinced that when we meet next to talk about what he read, one that either he is going to end treatment it with me, which I would be devastated as it took very long time to find a therapist that I worked well with and actually saw results, or perhaps find that he didn't actually read it fully so nothing gets addressed, or that he's going to come back agreeing that the use is inappropriate and I'm going to feel shame.
Would you as a therapist terminate treatment with someone because of this?
I loved my father very much, but we were estranged. Not bc there was any anger... Not really.
He was a victim of the opioid epidemic and when the pills ran out, he kind of gave up on life. He didn't take care of himself, had heart attacks and refused to make life changes, smoked like a chimney... Told me he didn't care if he died. I was putting in all the effort to see him and spend time with him and sometimes he refused to even leave his bedroom. I eventually drew a line for myself because I was putting in all the effort, and I said I'm going to see how long it takes him to call me for once. That was ten years ago. He never did.
There's a bit more complication. I am technically the illegitimate child he had with another woman while he and my stepmother were fighting. My stepmother never treated me poorly to my face, but I could understand if she was resentful.
I got a call from the one brother that I do talk to. He and I are both kind of the black sheep of the family ( which is ironic because we are the only two that went on to be functioning adults.... But I digress.) He's the one that called to tell me Dad was riddled with cancer and was not expected to make it through the night. He died the next day.
I spent the week really trying to process everything. It's really devastating because I just wanted him to get it together and be my dad again.
My brother text me and called me tonight because the funeral is tomorrow. He sent me the obituary. He said that my stepmother had really been guilting him to go and that I should come and be a fellow black sheep with him.
I was convinced to go, even though I don't really do funerals for anybody because that's not how I grieve and process. But then I read the obituary and I saw that my stepmother had completely cut me out. Apparently she was resentful . I guess being angry at me means I'm no longer his child.
I'm upset by this. My brother is angry about this. I told him this makes me not want to go. And he said that he's hesitant to go just because he's so angry that she did this.
At the end of the day though, I know he'll probably go. I don't know what to do. I was going for him in the first place, but now I feel like it would be performative, and why am I going socialize with a group of people who think being angry with me makes it okay to erase me from my father's memory. I said I'm not going.
Was this an over reaction?