r/askapsychologist

Reason i'm writimg here is no one will ever give fuck and it's paritally anonymous

How to trust a psychiatrist? i 'm ignoring my psychology for almost a 2 year cus every time i decided to see someone something happens and i feel good for a while and delay finding a doctor

i cant trust people and tell how i really feel or my problems. And I'm afraid of getting a borderline diagnosis. Last time i went to a psychiatrist was 4 years ago and the drugs he gave me feel empty.

Im literally shaking while im typing this, i have recently moved to delhi and i was already on psychiatric medication while i came here. I got introduced to a psychologist by my landlord who happened to be his bhanja. I trusted them and i took the session quite sessions and revealed a lot of my trauma. I just got to know today that the psychologist told everything that i told him during the session to his mama and that man called my mother and twisted my words and questioned me and my thoughts, my mother just told me about it over a call and im at loss for words coz how an i supposed to trust a professional person who is supposed to be helping me and keeping my secrets. What action do i take anonymously coz i feel extremely betrayed, insecure and humiliated. I dont think i can ever trust a psychologist ever again. I really need therapy but the first step i took towards therapy resulted in this.
Please help me and suggest me somethings i can do anonymously to expose this psychologist so nobody has to go through this ever again

I've been with my husband since 2020, married for almost 2 years now. I never wanted children because my father was abusive (physically and mentally). I was married before and divorced because the ex was a liar and a serial cheater. My husband is the complete opposite. I fell in love with him for his character. He's honest, loyal and has integrity. He comes from a close-knitted family. His parents are lovely and his father is a great father. He's also a great father to our son.

However, since the stupid Epstein thing came out, I started getting paranoid about pedophiles. I cannot get it out of my head that there are people who would hurt children. Then the french case of husband drugging, raping and letting other men rape his wife also got to my head. How do you trust anyone? She was married to him for years! And from what I know, many rapists and molesters are family members too. Cases of grandfathers and fathers raping their granddaughters or daughters. All that doesn't exactly inspire trust in me.

My baby had rashes on his bum recently and it was red. I panicked and I explained to my husband my fear. He's hurt but understands where it came from. He says he'll try to not take it personally. We're going to see a psychologist for this. Edit: this fear is almost ocd-like. When the intrusive thought comes into my head, I start to spiral. My mind is bombarded with fearful thoughts and won't calm down immediately until I distract myself, with my phone usually. This is also the reason I came here and wrote this post.

Anyway, I'll share 2 big incidences for background. I think they're related and I wanted to know if you think they link to this:

(1) I don't have actual memories of being SA'd by my father but I have a memory of feeling afraid I was molested by him in the middle of the night. I remember I would be so fearful if I woke up accidentally at night. One specific memory was from when I was about 11 yo. I woke up in the the middle of the night, afraid, and I looked through my bedroom door into my parents' bedroom (both doors opened) and thought that I saw or imagined the dark outline of my father sitting on the couch in their room. I couldn't make whether it was a person or a stack of folded clothes. I wondered if it was him and was so scared that he'd molested me, specifically touched my breasts. I mean why would I even have such fear of my father at that age?

(2) When I was about 10 yo, I once missed my school bus intentionally and walked back home from school so that I could skip the evening tuition. I thought that was the only way I could skip it because that way I'd miss the evening bus. I really wanted to play with my neighbour after school instead. My parents were really strict. When they found out I skipped school that day, they asked me what happened. I told them I missed the bus and walked home. The school was really far from our house and they asked me where I walked. There was a shortcut that sometimes my parents take (with a car) which goes through a forest. The forest was being cleared for a development project so there were workers there with their tractors and machineries. I remember feeling scared passing through there and some workers were staring at me. My parents were furious that I walked through that area. They started scaring me saying that I could have been raped. They showed me news clippings of rape cases. I remember feeling horrified. I could not be alone since then. I was scared when my parents were not around, even when my younger siblings were with me. I would ask them to make noise so that I don't feel as scared.

So I thought incident (2) was the reason I experience (1). I have a strange relationship with my father. My parents are divorced now but I keep a civilised relationship with him. I know I probably shouldn't have any contact with him but I feel sorry for him. He's old now and he's changed a lot. I did a lot of work on my mental health and wrote a letter to him about how he's affected me. Since then he became a better father to my youngest sister. My siblings have a relationship with him. I live abroad and he came to visit me last year for 2 weeks. I noticed I was always tense around him. One night I was sleeping and my husband came into the room. I screamed telling him to get out. It was reflex, I thought it was my dad who came into the room. I also have 2 nieces and once at lunch my dad brought bananas for the 2 yo niece. He watched her eat it. I saw joy on his face and I freaked out. On one hand, it could be an innocent joy of watching your granddaughter, on the other he could be a pedo! Why bananas? He said she likes bananas. Idk, I find it strange. But it could be my paranoia.

Am I going insane? A therapist said that maybe to protect myself my brain could have erased the memory that my father did Indeed molest me. I'm not sure if she was a good therapist because that planted the idea in my head that he did and that could be the reason I'm all paranoid now. I asked my sister if she had any memories like that but she said no. She only remembers that she'd wake up naked in our parents shower because she used to sleepwalk as a child. To me, that's also a really strange memory. Why naked? She doesn't have an answer to it. What if it was my dad?

Please share your thoughts. Thank you.

For people with severe depression who have tried and failed dozens of meds, most therapy modalities, TMS, ketamine, ECT, etc, what do you suggest they do?

TW: R\*PE/SEXUAL ASSAULT

When i get in trouble i want to cry and frown but i cant, even right now the thought of it makes me smile, not like in a corny way its like i cant help it. My mom was talking to me about something a while ago after i got my surgery (this smile and laughing thing has happened forever) amd she said “you cant go through pain medication like that, is something wring with you?? Im serious.. youre like a drug addict” i was so mad at her but i could only laugh and smile i cant defend myself. I started crying because it makes me mad i cant stop. Thinking about horrible things that happened to me recently, >!rape, sexual assault,!< thinking about telling my mom makes my mouth smile and i cant stop it. Is there a reason why this happens when i feel negative emotions, and sometimes randomly ill smile and laugh???? Can this be cured???

Hey everyone. I'm a 20 year old girl. I'm an overthinker but my actual problem is that my mind is hyper vigilant. My body stays alert even while at home especially at night, sometimes I even feel like someone's watching me, my eyes dart around the room and specifically towards a window in my room as if I've been bracing myself to see someone looking at me from there which isn't actually possible. I hate this feeling of being so alert all the time. I can't sleep properly at night because of this. And as a girl from a typical Indian household I can't even ask for help..they never understand these mental health related issues. Can anyone help me? Tell me what I should do?

The way most women treat other women is in a very kind manner, putting other women on a pedestal. Most women love and adore other women just like how they love and adore themselves. Most women are a "girls girl."

I have been doing a lot of research about this topic lately and have come to the conclusion that women view other women as themselves, like mirrors.

When a woman views another woman they see themselves as that woman. That is why most women treat other women like "goddesses" because the woman views herself as a "goddess."

Women naturally adore themselves and since they view other women as mirrors, they see themselves as that woman that is why they treat other women so well.

Men on the other hand view other men as their own autonomous beings. They view them as their own separate human.

I would like to ask if any of you have noticed this or come to the same conclusion.

II ahve a question for anyone who can help me i was bugged by uci for a specific reason can my mom who works in a differeent hospital notice that ive been bugged and is she cabable of removing by asking to remove it if that makes any sense, can i remove the bug at the same hospital that my family works at if they notice it

So my hyperawareness was given to me by a friend i swear to you i think this could be something very strange or magical becuase beore i got this hyperawareness i saw a sign from god and i thought it was very strange but its strange to say this but god showed me this movie called "jeff who lives at home" something like that please let me know what you think it has one of the same actors from the hangover and how i met your mother please let me know what you think

I have a dx of Pmdd and combined adhd but I don’t feel like it encompasses all of my issues.
I’ll list here what I struggle with most:

Poor emotional regulation and intermittent rage
Overall I’m “high masking” and blend into society well. I’m a healthcare provider and don’t have these issues at work bc of the masking.
Inability to “bounce back” after getting angry or upset. Sometimes it takes days to feel better
Need to isolate when feeling overwhelmed
Distrust of others and their intentions.
Paranoid I’m always doing something wrong and am going to “get caught” even though I’ve never been charged with a crime lol
Easily irritated and overstimulated and wear ear plugs a lot
Easily threatened around figures of authority or with interpersonal conflict leads to breakdown and need several days to recover
I don’t have conflict with people other than my husband
Avoidant in relationships and Extreme rejection sensitivity
Waves of passive SI
Many Sensory issues. Constantly needing to adjust my clothing or hair, reposition, can only wear cotton clothing, the feeling and sound of cardboard or microfiber makes me nauseous. Being outside is usually a bad experience bc of bugs and wind
I do not have routines. Every day needs to be different.
I feel bored and empty a lot and wish I could stick with a hobby or interest. My interests are typically very intense but only last a short period of time and then I go back to feeling empty again.
Spending money to feel better. Not reckless though

I was taking only Zoloft for about 5 years for depression/anxiety and didn’t feel like it helped that much.
Wellbutrin was added and made me very anxious
Lamotrigine was then added and made me feel much better for a few months
Adderall IR 5 mg was added and it helped my emotional regulation a lot and gave me more energy and thus less irritability.
Then we decided to switch Zoloft to Prozac. I had a very activating response and was in a state of panic after increasing to 20 mg.
Now I’m taking Lexapro 10 mg with the lamotrigine and still don’t feel good. Feeling very sensitive and drained and also don’t give a shit about anything I usually care about.
I feel so confused. Idk what is normal anymore and what to think. 2 therapists have mentioned quiet BPD but no diagnosis. I’ve also thought maybe autism but I’m not sold on either. Any thoughts?

not asking for full psychoanalysis or anything, just wondering if there's a common reason for it. i always want to go home. it would be just a normal "i hate people and the outside" thing if i felt that way when i'm outside doing an activity. but the kicker is that the feeling is at its worst when i am already at home, and it both happens when i'm at my own apartment and when i'm staying at my parents house, even when i used to stay at the first house i knew. when i get the feeling of "i wanna go home" i don't even know what my brain wants, i tell myself i'm already at home, but the feeling keeps getting worse every time i say that. i don't know what it wants or where it wants me to go, it never gives me even a clue of where it wants other than "home", so is there a common reason for why someone would want to go home when they're already at home? are there any solutions?

just need some advice on whether or not i should disclose very bad mistakes i did in the past from the age of 8-13 , so around between these ages I had committed a few instances of sexual assaults like inappropriately touching someone for example in their sleep and even trying to take off their pants but luckily wasn’t able to when i was 10 or dry humping someone without them knowing in school when i was around 12 or 13? and some other bad things between this time frame from ages 8-13 that i won’t get into details , as i got older i started to realise the wrongdoings and severity of my actions and behaviour and tried making amends and reaching out to some people who have forgiven me , I have no excuses on why i did what i did and i don’t know why , maybe it was a lack of impulse control , or early exposure to pornography ( i think i got exposed under the age of 10 ) or other experiences as a
kid .

Not a day goes by i don’t think about it and i really don’t know what to do , im a uni student rn and has never dated anyone or have had intimacy with anyone , and i really want to try to become better and try to accept the past and move on but every time i think of things like dating , i just get scared and overthink whether i should disclose something like this or not especially when i have intimacy or have sex with someone because it’ll feel like lying to them as they might not accept when finding out . I’m not sure whether this is something that should be disclosed even though it’s been years and i think i have changed because im now very aware of even basic boundaries and will not repeat my behaviour again back then .

I honestly don’t know what to do right now and i feel lost . I’ve gotten advice to go see a therapist but i really am not in the right situation to go see one right now but that doesn’t mean i wont in the near future , im just wondering whether me not seeing a therapist or “solving” these issues is gonna pause my life for now and i cant do anything like date or have intimacy with someone . When talking about disclosure , if i were to do so , when would be the right time or right person , because if i just dated someone and disclose too early about deep personal things , it might not be a good idea , if there’s a rule to say to disclose before intimacy , what is even considered intimacy? a kiss? sex? or physical contact? I just wanna make sure i’m doing the right thing and on the right path and not making mistakes again.

So I’m 20 year old male and I’ve had this issue as long as I can remember. if there’s any kind of lecture or stressful discussion with my parents I will just burst into to tears, it pisses them off to no end km not really sure why it happens. usually I’m not even particularly sad when it happens (usually it turns into me being sad for feeling like a crybaby or pissing off my parents more than they were already). I just don’t really know why it happens or what to do cause my parents view it as me being over sensitive or faking it for attention or trying to get out of the conversation. and even if I manage to hold it together for the conversation I usually break down as soon as I’m alone, which unfortunately isn’t too often cause these lectures usually turn into several hours of whatever they can think of and then I’ll forget most of everything they said because of the sheer amount of information, the length, and the fact that I’m usually bawling my eyes out. is there a reason for this? Or is there a fix?

When I (15F) was 8 there was a time when I suddenly became obsessed with my brothers posture and movements. I developed an aversion for his habit of licking his fingers and slouching an would force him sit in a specific way, when he didn’t I would throw an extreme fit (screaming throwing things crying, feeling out of control) Then eventually my parents brought me to a therapist/ councillor whom I refused to talk to for the whole sesssion (I knew I needed help but for some reason could not communicate my feelings), after a few sessions of talking with my parents, she decided that I was jealous of my brother for the attention he gets. My parents believed it until my condition got worse (even after they diverted all their attention to me) and I also knew that it wasn’t true at all because I’ve always hated attention and had an amazing relationship with my brother for 7 years prior to that. I’ve considered OCD but it still doesn’t explain why I only targeted my brother and not anyone else. This lasted for 3 years until it eventually went away, but it irreversivably ruined our relationship. Right now I still get annoyed by his posture sometimes but the anger I felt has became way less intense compared to at that time(I still get fixated on other things though). CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN THE PSYCHOLOGICAL REASON BEHIND IT?? Thankyou:)

Recently my father (77m) revealed to me (56f) that his friend advised him to have me committed when I was 14. At the time it happened, it didn't make sense to me why my dad brought me to the hospital.

Last Easter, I invited my Dad over for Easter. Casual and informal since it was last minute. I am religous, he is not. I knew he was alone, so I thought it would be nice.

We went for a quick hike and he wanted to go eat. We went to a local diner I frequent. During dinner he mentioned the worst day of his life was putting me in an institution. I was slightly mortified because I know people there. He went into detail about how stressed he was at the time and everything was going wrong for him.

(My mother had left him w/me and my sister when I was three. After a chaotic childhood, at 13 I couldn't take my mother and sister any more. I visited him at Christmas. My mother made my sister go to make sure I came back. I told my father I wasn't leaving. He said, okay, and applied for sole custody.)

He went over my problems that had caused him problems: drinking, drugs, and the day of my institutionalization: a school suspension. I looked around and asked him to not discuss it now as I know people there in diner (Very small town I moved to with my kids where I was local government coorespondent for newspaper and some business people I'd covered were sitting at table right next to us.)

He went on to reveal to me how I was institutionalized. With all my problems his friend, a psychologist who saw me at his request, told him that the only way to make things look good for him was to immediately put me away. I was shocked and couldn't speak.

All my life I was ashamed of having mental problems, which of course I know is nothing to be ashamed of. But, he was now telling me it was a choice the adults made to remove me from causing disruptions. All my life I remember the trauma of my father telling me to get in the car when he came home from work when the school sent me home for drinking on school property, he brought me to the local psychiatric adolescent unit, I met with the intake person ( who I was sure would see I'm just a kid acting out, I don't have psychiatric issues that require hospitalization since my life was finally starting to look up.), then they brought me to the unit, my dad said bye, and they locked the doors. It was a court committment because I refused to sign myself in involuntarily.

It was humiliating at the time because I finally was making friends and now I would once again be branded an outcast. (My mother moved us every few months.) It was traumatizing to not have freedom or choice.

My father then went on to tell me about how the previous year he sent my dog to the pound to help my mom move us. Another shock since my dog was my best friend, but at the time my mom said he ran away when I was at camp.

I tried to discuss the shock with my dad. Also, tell him how it was the worst day in my life when I was sent away. But, my dad just unloads what he has to say and won't listen to any exchange. I'm left with more questions. He's not talking to me now. He had offerred to help with loan payments for my daughter's college. But when I came to his house to discuss it like he asked, he started screaming that my daughter and I don't respect him and screamed at me to get out.

Can anyone give insight into why he would tell me these things and not in the form of an apology? Is it possible, I'm not seeing my behaviour and I am in fact embarrassing him like I just don't see myself right (I'm sober since 2000 btw) and disrespectful?

I don't have specifics because I'm not sure what I did that hurt him. It's just kind of a well known thing in the family that I'm constantly f'ng things up in some way. I often feel like other people know things and I don't. Is that what delusional is? Is what my father did normal/acceptable parent behaviour? I mean I would never do that to my kids, but my kids are wonderful I've barely had to discipline. So, should I be mad? I often don't know what is something to be angry about or if I should be. When he told me he was very matter of fact and concerned about himself. Am I being self centered if I'm mad at him. (Btw, this is a throwaway account because I don't want my dad put in a bad light.) I'm sorry if this is all way too much. I'll understand if it's deleted.

I am 18m, I have had this issue all of my life.

I'm going to start this by saying It is definitely not DID. Though I do have horrid memory loss, I do not "unconsciously" do this.

For my entire life I have been struggling with not having a personality, but rather many that I would switch through every few hours. I never did it on purpose, though I used to be able to coax myself to.

I have never felt like one person or like i know who I am because of it.

The best way to explain it is scrolling through a photo album of people or switching TV channels.

I see an image of people who aren't me physically in my head and thats who I am until it happens again. I am still me and conscious but am not really one person and "me" as i don't really have a me.

Everytime I talk to others about it they assume DID or think I am being crazy.

What is this, any ideas? Please help

I had a really upsetting session with my therapist today and I’m wondering if her response was normal. I’ve been seeing her for about 6 months. I’m 23 and she’s in her 50s. Recently, she made several comments about a medication that made me feel pressured and invalidated. Today I finally tried to bring it up and told her that a couple of things she had said over the past two months had bothered me.

Before I could even fully explain myself, she immediately got defensive and her tone seemed angry. She immediately said, “I NEVER said that, I don’t know what you are talking about. I NEVER invalidated you.” She laughed at me and right after said “you are projecting right now.” She scoffed and said “that might be YOURRR interpretation of things, but you are definitely misremembering because that is not what happened and that is not what was said”. She also said “I’m sorry IF you felt that way, but I feel very disappointed, I have been trying to help you this entire time, I don’t know where this is coming from, but it seems like you are trying to blame someone”. She said all of this at once 😭

I was honestly shocked and became so uncomfortable that I went into damage-control mode. I reassured her that I wasn’t blaming her, apologized, and even denied feeling pressured even though I actually had. I just wanted the conflict to stop.

Then near the end of the SAME conversation, she brought up one of the comments again and asked what she had said. I repeated it, and she responded, “Yes, I did say that.” That really threw me off because earlier she had insisted she never said it, told me I was projecting and misremembering, and laughed/scoffed at me. I had only brought up a few of the comments that bothered me, and after seeing her reaction I can’t even imagine bringing up the rest.

She is my first outpatient therapist, so I genuinely don’t know what is considered normal in therapy. Is this an appropriate way for a therapist to respond when a client tells them something they said felt invalidating? Are you not supposed to tell a therapist if something they said bothered you?

I (28F) am having an affair with a married 45-year-old father of two. He is the lead psychologist at a psychosomatic clinic where I was a patient earlier this year. So he isn’t merely cheating on his wife, he is also potentially committing a criminal offense, risking his professional license, and putting his family’s financial livelihood at risk.

According to him, everything he is risking “for me” is a huge demonstration of trust, and when I was still his patient, I promised him I would never report him or press charges. But by now I’m starting to think that maybe he is simply fundamentally irresponsible if he was willing to entrust me with his entire life so quickly. And maybe he only kept me hanging on for so long so that I wouldn’t do anything against him. I’m scared that he might simply do this kind of thing more often.

During his very first group therapy session, I already thought he was one of those husbands who secretly resents his wife but would never actually leave because he isn’t independent enough and is too afraid of being alone because he kept making slightly spiteful jokes about his wife.
I also noticed that I found him attractive, and I tried to avoid him as much as possible because I’ve never had healthy taste in men and he was obviously unavailable.

But he would give me these smiles every time, and he became increasingly overtly flirtatious with me whenever we ended up spending more time alone together in the smoking area. I couldn’t stop myself from falling for him a little, while simultaneously being furious with him. Eventually I confronted him in his office. He apologized and said he wasn’t a person who had affairs, that he lived according to Christian values, and that he had basically gone “out of control” flirting with me because I had caught him completely off guard and I “threw him off balance.” He said that in another context he would like to get to know me, but that it would be an abuse of his power for him to do so and that I needed to focus on therapy.
Then he asked whether we could have a therapeutically appropriate hug to make up. His back-and-forth behavior made me angry all over again, but I couldn’t resist.

I accepted the situation as it was and continued trying to avoid him. But at one point he asked me how I was doing, and I told him that I wasn’t doing very well, but that it was actually good and important that, without the distraction of flirting with him, I now had to turn my attention back toward the more painful issues in my life. He was hurt by the idea that he had merely been a distraction for me and from that point onward, he simply wouldn’t leave me alone and I started to like him and somewhere along the way my perception of him changed as well, because he genuinely does seem capable of reflecting on how much of an asshole he is…

He said he was torn. He repeatedly emphasized that he couldn’t have sex without feelings, that he had had twenty years without doubts about his marriage, and that I had now changed everything. But he was terrified of losing his children. Things escalated to the point where I would spend practically every afternoon in his office until he had to drive home, supposedly to “figure out” this increasingly complicated situation. Or he would get into the elevator with me, press the button for his floor, and ask whether we wanted to continue talking upstairs.

Every time, we got physically closer and closer. We would stare at each other, completely captivated, for minutes at a time, until eventually we kissed. Before I was discharged, we also slept together once. He told me to contact him once I was back in my own world and still wanted him.
I did but I was often absolutely furious, and we fought because I didn’t want to be the other woman and he was afraid to leave his wife. So the back-and-forth continued.
The clinic is about 600 km from my hometown, and eventually we started talking on the phone during his 40-minute drive home from work. We had sex in hotel rooms a few more times.

We actually planned to see each other one last time and have dinner, because he said he needed some distance from me in order to “sort things out” in his life and think about whether he wanted to put the things he currently felt were missing back at the center of his life — “AND IF SO, WITH WHOM.”
Or whether he wanted to fight for his marriage, because that was what he had always done.
I impulsively ended things after he said that, shortly before our planned goodbye. It hurt too much to constantly feel that I was his second choice, and those emotionally ambiguous statements scared me.

He says he hasn’t slept with his wife in ages because she says the mental load has killed her libido and I start to get it. Once, he had to buy groceries while we were on the phone because their car had broken down, and I was absolutely floored by how helpless he seemed wandering around Aldi and asking me for help.
Apparently, she also cheated on him once more than ten years ago. He says that at the time she had also wanted more closeness from him, which he wasn’t able to give her.
I once asked him whether he still desired her, and he answered in this extremely passive-aggressive tone: “No… I gave up on that.” So I think there is a lot of unresolved history and accumulated resentment between them. And I often get the feeling that she occupies some kind of position “above” him whenever he talks about her.

There has now been no contact for three weeks.
The current situation is that he says he knows he cannot expect me to still be available if he ever comes to me as a single man someday. But he also says it would hurt him tremendously if I were with someone else, “even though he would never be entitled to exclusivity.” And I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.
He also desperately wanted us to say “see you again” rather than “goodbye,” and told me that he is in love with me, that all of this has felt like a trailer for him, and that he finally wants to see the whole movie. I don’t know whether he is a dangerous abuser who has done this before and regularly leaves vulnerable patients in deep personal crises after “treating” them, or whether he is “just” a broken, immature man. Or if it’s just the midlife crisis and he simply needed the validation because he doesn’t feel desired enough.

I had some of the worst heartbreak I’ve experienced in a long time, and I don’t want to let him go. But sometimes I get so angry that I start looking up lawyers. At the same time I don’t want his wife and children to end up in financial trouble if he loses his job. And I don’t think I could ever bear knowing that I had devastated him, hurt him, or tried to destroy his life. I think the healthiest part of me is hoping that he will finally break my heart honestly enough for me to let go but I don’t think he ever would, because he always has to leave a door open.
He says I make him insecure and that he hasn’t felt anything like this since he was young. Whenever I text him, he calls me immediately, no matter how many times we have already tried to cut contact and it is exhausting having to stop myself from reaching out again and it hurts so much. Maybe he is even afraid that I’ll get angry and report him if he doesn’t keep engaging with me.

How can I interpret all of this? Is he overwhelmed but genuinely honest with me? Will he contact me again someday? He says he has no idea how long it will take. I don’t understand why, if he is in love with me, he needs to cut contact with me.
And if he does come back, am I eventually going to end up in exactly the same position as his wife once I’m no longer young enough for him?
And sometimes he says things that make me think that he is kind of cruel or sadistic. He once told me that he told his child to touch an electrified fence so he would learn that it hurts.
And he is passionate about cooking and food and once he said that he likes (!?) to slaughter animals.
So sometimes I’m scared that he might not be able to feel empathy. But sometimes he seems to be the opposite.

I don’t know how to get out of this or whether some part of me desperately wants to get all the way in. Am I simply being naive?