u/Key-Desk-8298

I need advice on navigating disclosure about problematic behavior from my childhood, particularly regarding relationships and sexual intimacy.

Background: Between ages 8-13, I engaged in several instances of harmful non-consensual sexual behavior toward others. I won't minimize or excuse these actions. Specific incidents include:
Age 10: Touching someone without consent while they were asleep, including an attempt to remove their pants (did not succeed)
Ages 12-13: Non-consensual dry humping of classmates without their knowledge
Early adolescence: Additional repeated incidents of unwanted physical contact similar to above
Various times: Voyeuristic behavior and invasive touching (brushing hands against breasts/chest area, looking through clothing)
These were not peer-to-peer explorations — they involved clear lack of consent and power imbalances.
Since then:
I've made amends with some affected parties who have forgiven me
The behavior stopped completely years ago
I have no current harmful urges or risk factors
I understand healthy boundaries now and have no intention of repeating this

However, in working to understand myself, I recognize possible contributing factors from my childhood:
Early exposure to pornography (before age 10) before I had the maturity or context to process what I was seeing
Possible lack of impulse control at that developmental stage
Other childhood experiences that may have shaped my understanding of boundaries

My Situation: I'm a university student with no prior dating or intimate experience. As I consider moving forward with relationships, I'm struggling with several interconnected concerns:
My Main Concern (Sex & Disclosure): Every time I think about dating and intimacy, I freeze up wondering whether I should disclose this past before becoming physically intimate. If I don't disclose before sex, I worry it feels like deception—like my partner couldn't give fully informed consent about physical intimacy. But if I do disclose, I'm afraid of rejection before giving us a chance, especially since this behavior is resolved and years old.
My Other Concerns:
Therapy Access: I've been advised to see a therapist but am not in a position to do so right now. Does the absence of professional support mean I should pause dating entirely, or can I pursue relationships responsibly while planning future help?

Disclosure Timing: If disclosure is advisable, when is the appropriate threshold—before kissing, before any physical contact, or only before sexual intercourse? What constitutes "intimacy" in this context?

Privacy vs. Transparency: I've heard conflicting advice. Some say full transparency respects partner autonomy; others say past behavior doesn't obligate permanent disclosure if resolution is complete. Where's the ethical line?

What I Want:
To be honest without oversharing graphic details
Not to build intimacy on incomplete information that could feel deceptive later
To move forward with my life without indefinite pausing
To ensure I'm not making new mistakes through poor decisions about disclosure

My Questions for Guidance:
Is withholding resolved childhood harmful behavior before sexual intimacy ethically deceptive, or is privacy acceptable given the passage of time and completed amends?
If disclosure is expected, what's the appropriate timing threshold in a developing relationship?
Can I responsibly pursue dating without immediate therapy access, or does the absence of professional support mean I should wait?
How do I balance being truthful with protecting myself from unfair permanent judgment?

I'm genuinely lost and want to do the right thing—for my partners and for my own growth. Any guidance on navigating this ethically while still allowing myself to move forward would be deeply appreciated.

I need advice on navigating disclosure about problematic behavior from my childhood, particularly regarding relationships and sexual intimacy.

Background: Between ages 8-13, I engaged in several instances of harmful non-consensual sexual behavior toward others. I won't minimize or excuse these actions. Specific incidents include:
Age 10: Touching someone without consent while they were asleep, including an attempt to remove their pants (did not succeed)
Ages 12-13: Non-consensual dry humping of classmates without their knowledge
Early adolescence: Additional repeated incidents of unwanted physical contact similar to above
Various times: Voyeuristic behavior and invasive touching (brushing hands against breasts/chest area, looking through clothing)
These were not peer-to-peer explorations — they involved clear lack of consent and power imbalances.
Since then:
I've made amends with some affected parties who have forgiven me
The behavior stopped completely years ago
I have no current harmful urges or risk factors
I understand healthy boundaries now and have no intention of repeating this

However, in working to understand myself, I recognize possible contributing factors from my childhood:
Early exposure to pornography (before age 10) before I had the maturity or context to process what I was seeing
Possible lack of impulse control at that developmental stage
Other childhood experiences that may have shaped my understanding of boundaries

My Situation: I'm a university student with no prior dating or intimate experience. As I consider moving forward with relationships, I'm struggling with several interconnected concerns:
My Main Concern (Sex & Disclosure): Every time I think about dating and intimacy, I freeze up wondering whether I should disclose this past before becoming physically intimate. If I don't disclose before sex, I worry it feels like deception—like my partner couldn't give fully informed consent about physical intimacy. But if I do disclose, I'm afraid of rejection before giving us a chance, especially since this behavior is resolved and years old.
My Other Concerns:
Therapy Access: I've been advised to see a therapist but am not in a position to do so right now. Does the absence of professional support mean I should pause dating entirely, or can I pursue relationships responsibly while planning future help?

Disclosure Timing: If disclosure is advisable, when is the appropriate threshold—before kissing, before any physical contact, or only before sexual intercourse? What constitutes "intimacy" in this context?

Privacy vs. Transparency: I've heard conflicting advice. Some say full transparency respects partner autonomy; others say past behavior doesn't obligate permanent disclosure if resolution is complete. Where's the ethical line?

What I Want:
To be honest without oversharing graphic details
Not to build intimacy on incomplete information that could feel deceptive later
To move forward with my life without indefinite pausing
To ensure I'm not making new mistakes through poor decisions about disclosure

My Questions for Guidance:
Is withholding resolved childhood harmful behavior before sexual intimacy ethically deceptive, or is privacy acceptable given the passage of time and completed amends?
If disclosure is expected, what's the appropriate timing threshold in a developing relationship?
Can I responsibly pursue dating without immediate therapy access, or does the absence of professional support mean I should wait?
How do I balance being truthful with protecting myself from unfair permanent judgment?

I'm genuinely lost and want to do the right thing—for my partners and for my own growth. Any guidance on navigating this ethically while still allowing myself to move forward would be deeply appreciated.

I need advice on navigating disclosure about problematic behavior from my childhood, particularly regarding relationships and sexual intimacy.

Background: Between ages 8-13, I engaged in several instances of harmful non-consensual sexual behavior toward others. I won't minimize or excuse these actions. Specific incidents include:
Age 10: Touching someone without consent while they were asleep, including an attempt to remove their pants (did not succeed)
Ages 12-13: Non-consensual dry humping of classmates without their knowledge
Early adolescence: Additional repeated incidents of unwanted physical contact similar to above
Various times: Voyeuristic behavior and invasive touching (brushing hands against breasts/chest area, looking through clothing)
These were not peer-to-peer explorations — they involved clear lack of consent and power imbalances.
Since then:
I've made amends with some affected parties who have forgiven me
The behavior stopped completely years ago
I have no current harmful urges or risk factors
I understand healthy boundaries now and have no intention of repeating this

However, in working to understand myself, I recognize possible contributing factors from my childhood:
Early exposure to pornography (before age 10) before I had the maturity or context to process what I was seeing
Possible lack of impulse control at that developmental stage
Other childhood experiences that may have shaped my understanding of boundaries

My Situation: I'm a university student with no prior dating or intimate experience. As I consider moving forward with relationships, I'm struggling with several interconnected concerns:
My Main Concern (Sex & Disclosure): Every time I think about dating and intimacy, I freeze up wondering whether I should disclose this past before becoming physically intimate. If I don't disclose before sex, I worry it feels like deception—like my partner couldn't give fully informed consent about physical intimacy. But if I do disclose, I'm afraid of rejection before giving us a chance, especially since this behavior is resolved and years old.
My Other Concerns:
Therapy Access: I've been advised to see a therapist but am not in a position to do so right now. Does the absence of professional support mean I should pause dating entirely, or can I pursue relationships responsibly while planning future help?

Disclosure Timing: If disclosure is advisable, when is the appropriate threshold—before kissing, before any physical contact, or only before sexual intercourse? What constitutes "intimacy" in this context?

Privacy vs. Transparency: I've heard conflicting advice. Some say full transparency respects partner autonomy; others say past behavior doesn't obligate permanent disclosure if resolution is complete. Where's the ethical line?

What I Want:
To be honest without oversharing graphic details
Not to build intimacy on incomplete information that could feel deceptive later
To move forward with my life without indefinite pausing
To ensure I'm not making new mistakes through poor decisions about disclosure

My Questions for Guidance:
Is withholding resolved childhood harmful behavior before sexual intimacy ethically deceptive, or is privacy acceptable given the passage of time and completed amends?
If disclosure is expected, what's the appropriate timing threshold in a developing relationship?
Can I responsibly pursue dating without immediate therapy access, or does the absence of professional support mean I should wait?
How do I balance being truthful with protecting myself from unfair permanent judgment?

I'm genuinely lost and want to do the right thing—for my partners and for my own growth. Any guidance on navigating this ethically while still allowing myself to move forward would be deeply appreciated.

just need some advice on whether or not i should disclose very bad mistakes i did in the past from the age of 8-13 , so around between these ages I had committed a few instances of sexual assaults like inappropriately touching someone for example in their sleep and even trying to take off their pants but luckily wasn’t able to when i was 10 or dry humping someone without them knowing in school when i was around 12 or 13? and some other things related between this time frame from ages 8-13 that i won’t get into details , as i got older i started to realise the wrongdoings and severity of my actions and behaviour and tried making amends and reaching out to some people who have forgiven me , I have no excuses on why i did what i did and i don’t know why , maybe it was a lack of impulse control , or early exposure to pornography ( i think i got exposed under the age of 10 ) or other experiences as a
kid .

Not a day goes by i don’t think about it and i really don’t know what to do , im a uni student rn and has never dated anyone or have had intimacy with anyone , and i really want to try to become better and try to accept the past and move on but every time i think of things like dating , i just get scared and overthink whether i should disclose something like this or not especially when i have intimacy or have sex with someone because it’ll feel like lying to them as they might not accept when finding out . I’m not sure whether this is something that should be disclosed even though it’s been years and i think i have changed because im now very aware of even basic boundaries and will not repeat my behaviour again back then .

I honestly don’t know what to do right now and i feel lost . I’ve gotten advice to go see a therapist but i really am not in the right situation to go see one right now but that doesn’t mean i wont in the near future , im just wondering whether me not seeing a therapist or “solving” these issues is gonna pause my life for now and i cant do anything like date or have intimacy with someone . When talking about disclosure , if i were to do so , when would be the right time or right person , because if i just dated someone and disclose too early about deep personal things , it might not be a good idea , if there’s a rule to say to disclose before intimacy , what is even considered intimacy? a kiss? sex? or physical contact? I just wanna make sure i’m doing the right thing and on the right path and not making mistakes again.

just need some advice on whether or not i should disclose very bad mistakes i did in the past from the age of 8-13 , so around between these ages I had committed a few instances of sexual assaults like inappropriately touching someone for example in their sleep and even trying to take off their pants but luckily wasn’t able to when i was 10 or dry humping someone without them knowing in school when i was around 12 or 13? and some other bad things between this time frame from ages 8-13 that i won’t get into details , as i got older i started to realise the wrongdoings and severity of my actions and behaviour and tried making amends and reaching out to some people who have forgiven me , I have no excuses on why i did what i did and i don’t know why , maybe it was a lack of impulse control , or early exposure to pornography ( i think i got exposed under the age of 10 ) or other experiences as a
kid .

Not a day goes by i don’t think about it and i really don’t know what to do , im a uni student rn and has never dated anyone or have had intimacy with anyone , and i really want to try to become better and try to accept the past and move on but every time i think of things like dating , i just get scared and overthink whether i should disclose something like this or not especially when i have intimacy or have sex with someone because it’ll feel like lying to them as they might not accept when finding out . I’m not sure whether this is something that should be disclosed even though it’s been years and i think i have changed because im now very aware of even basic boundaries and will not repeat my behaviour again back then .

I honestly don’t know what to do right now and i feel lost . I’ve gotten advice to go see a therapist but i really am not in the right situation to go see one right now but that doesn’t mean i wont in the near future , im just wondering whether me not seeing a therapist or “solving” these issues is gonna pause my life for now and i cant do anything like date or have intimacy with someone . When talking about disclosure , if i were to do so , when would be the right time or right person , because if i just dated someone and disclose too early about deep personal things , it might not be a good idea , if there’s a rule to say to disclose before intimacy , what is even considered intimacy? a kiss? sex? or physical contact? I just wanna make sure i’m doing the right thing and on the right path and not making mistakes again.

just need some advice on whether or not i should disclose very bad mistakes i did in the past from the age of 8-13 , so around between these ages I had committed a few instances of sexual assaults like inappropriately touching someone for example in their sleep when i was 10 or dry humping someone without them knowing in school when i was around 12 or 13? and some other things between this time frame from ages 8-13 that i won’t get into details , as i got older i started to realise the wrongdoings and severity of my actions and behaviour and tried making amends and reaching out to some people who have forgiven me , I have no excuses on why i did what i did and i don’t know why , maybe it was a lack of impulse control , or early exposure to pornography ( i think i got exposed under the age of 10 ) or other experiences as a kid . Not a day goes by i don’t think about it and i really don’t know what to do , im a uni student rn and has never dated anyone or have had intimacy with anyone , and i really want to try to become better and try to accept the past and move on but every time i think of things like dating , i just get scared and overthink whether i should disclose something like this or not especially when i have intimacy or have sex with someone because it’ll feel like lying to them as they might not accept when finding out . I’m not sure whether this is something that should be disclosed even though it’s been years and i think i have changed because im now very aware of even basic boundaries and will not repeat my behaviour again back then . I honestly don’t know what to do right now and i feel lost . I’ve gotten advice to go see a therapist but i really am not in the right situation to go see one right now but that doesn’t mean i wont in the near future , im just wondering whether me not seeing a therapist or “solving” these issues is gonna pause my life for now and i cant do anything like date or have intimacy with someone .