r/selfhelp

Is there groups where you have a community of people that wanna change their lives & lifestyle?

I am from Switzerland, 22 years old and moving into my first appartment soon and I want to change my lifestyle. I am no man of many friends and I thought, maybe there is people feeling the exactly same?

Imagine a group where you share your progress and motivate each other. If you know something like this, feel free to comment. :)

Also wanna turn hiking into my new hobby.

I’m 18 and I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, so I never really experienced normal crushes or relationships growing up. For the past 1–2 years I’ve been deeply attached to a guy online and honestly it feels like I’m already emotionally dating him even though we’ve never met.

I think about him constantly, fantasize about him emotionally and sexually sometimes, cry over him sometimes, and even get scared imagining him leaving me. I even imagine being physically intimate with him sometimes, which honestly makes the attachment feel even more real and intense to me.

Part of me feels safer loving someone from a distance because I’m terrified of rejection in real life.

I’m starting university soon and I keep wondering if this is something people eventually grow out of, or if I’m going to stay stuck on this person forever and never want a real relationship.😭🥺💔

Basically title. To some degree I know it’s biologically normal, but in my culture purity and being chaste s really promoted. is anyone in the same situation and I guess would u guys advise trying to stop more or trying to change my perspective and feel less self hatred.

I read this book years ago, maybe around 10 years back, and it stayed with me long after I finished it.

Lately I've felt lost, probably this feeling has been incremented by how many deep changes I've made in the past year: ending a 15-year relationship, moving from Europe to Asia, changing my work environment and rebuilding myself almost from scratch. I did all these things to escape my previous self, and yet I brought it with me, keeping it as "my current self".

Somehow, while casually talking one evening, I ended up telling my current girlfriend that I wanted to read The Courage to Be Disliked again, and she gifted me a copy.

The first thing I noticed wasn't the gift itself, but the absence of a written dedication inside it. That reaction alone made me realize how defensive and emotionally tangled I’ve become lately. I'm a prick.

I also had a therapy session with the same therapist I used to see 10 years ago, in videochat.

It didn't help much this time. Maybe because I already know the patterns, and because understanding yourself intellectually and actually changing are two different things.

The first time I read this book, I finished it in two or three days. This time I want to take it slowly: one chapter per day, reflecting on it properly.

I'll write down thoughts and summaries for each chapter on my substack. It will take months, as changing requires.

Take care everyone.

I’ve been pursuing a career in history, but I keep feeling like my creativity is dying in this major and I hate it. While I love it, I’m scared of ever doing a job because of the fact I’ve been going through something that has prevented me from doing well in this field, which I will not share, but it’s greatly impacted my ability to do schoolwork because of how traumatized and depressed I am. I’ve had to get so many extensions from teachers and such to the point that its finals week and I still have 3 missing essays. I’m trying so hard to keep up but I feel so slow compared to the rest of my peers.
I want to change majors and run from my problems because then I don’t have to see the teachers try to avoid me or see me as a lazy person. I don’t understand why they keep giving me extensions, I know I try my best, but I’m scared my best isn’t enough and that I’m going to never be good enough at history. I don’t feel like I can really be good at anything.
I’m scared I’m ruining everything and I’ll never achieve anything and I’ll have to go back home after I’ve already worked so hard to get here.
To add to this, I have ADHD, and I’ve always had to practically push myself to the brink of death to even achieve the same level as my classmates.
Is this just because I’m ashamed and I feel like I’m taking advantage of people’s kindness?
How do I bounce back and actually lock into school?
How do I balance schoolwork and friends without immediately self-destructing?
Please, I need advice.

I tried to search for all the possible things that can replace the self esteem that comes from having a license, but none of them can.

I’m a 20M Omani I have a scholarship but I really don’t give a fuck about it anymore

and I can’t get a driving license due to a health condition

I’m here to ask if anyone knows someone who tried to overdose and succeeded, because I’m planning to overdose on Xanax with alcohol tonight and end this

And please shut up with the "obsession" argument. Oman isn’t like the US. If you can’t drive here, it’s literally over for your social life. You’re basically crippled and need help. Yeah, no motorcycles or walking because of the extremely deadly heat, and there’s no public transport.

Don’t Fuck with me; there’s nothing better than a driving license,Part of being an adult is having independence, and if I can’t have that, I’m ending it today. Please, like I said, no stupid advice; it’s all bad and doesn’t work. I’m just here to ask for personal stories, about benzos and I’ve stated my reasons so you guys don’t have to ask me why I want to do it there’s a reason why everyone here gets a license after finishing school and my self esteem can’t handle this anymore

Anyways, enough about this. Does anyone know someone who succeeded with odosing?

NSFW because it can maybe trigger someone to read this so... English isn't my first language so there's maybe some mistakes.

I am 17, and I really need to see a therapist. I bottled everything inside me for years, I tried to avoid the fact that I'm not okay at all, but I just can't anymore. I feel like I'm breaking. I just can't keep up like this. I'm so exhausted, it makes me sick (without really being sick, it happens just when I'm not okay mentally so...). I tried to be optimistic, I really tried, but whatever I do, I feel like it's not working anymore. I'm afraid. I don't think I could do something I shouldn't, I'm probably too afraid to do it, but I'm not even sure about this when I realize how badly things are going downhill. I can't ask my parents for help because they are literally the biggest problem in my life, nor can I ask my family. I know there's people at school (don't remember the name of it) that could maybe help me, but if I really talk about the problem, they will probably call the child protection, which I don't want to because it would make things a lot worse, and if I talk about my feeling in afraid they might send me in an hospital. And I probably wouldn't even have the money for a therapist. I don't know what to do. I just know it can't last much longer like this.

does anyone else experience this? when I am talking with people after a while I feel as though I'm coming across as pi$$ed of/annoyed, when really I'm not even thinking anything negative and there's nothing that is bothering me....I think I have had this in the past, and then I end up doing it because it's something I don't want to do, so because I'm thinking about it, then I end up doing it, does anyone else experience this? Thanks!

about a year ago i was in a pretty bad place. not crisis bad, just the kind of slow grey feeling where nothing is wrong exactly but nothing feels right either. started doing the whole self improvement thing. read the books, downloaded the apps, watched the videos. wanted to share what i actually found after 12 months of trying things consistently

what genuinely helped:

walking every morning. not for fitness. just walking without a podcast or phone for 20-30 minutes. this did more for my mental clarity than anything else i tried. no science needed, just experience

writing one sentence at the end of each day about how i actually felt. not journaling in the full gratitude-list sense. just one honest sentence. it made me notice patterns in my own mood that i'd been ignoring for years

going to bed and waking up at the same time every day including weekends. boring, annoying, and the single highest ROI habit i found

what felt productive but probably wasn't:

elaborate morning routines. i spent six weeks doing a 90 minute morning routine. felt incredible. also meant i was rushing everything else and going to bed late to compensate. net neutral at best

the full journaling thing. writing pages about my feelings every day made me more focused on what was wrong, not less. the research actually backs this up it depends a lot on how you do it

"dopamine detoxes." tried two of them. felt smug for a weekend, changed nothing long term

what i wish someone had told me:

the self help content industry is optimized for selling you the next thing, not for getting you to a place where you don't need it anymore. the stuff that actually worked for me was free, boring, and took months to notice

curious what's actually worked for other people. not looking for a list of books, more interested in specific things people noticed made a difference in daily life

I have such a toxic mindset that’s literally all or nothing. It can range from isolate myself and solely just revise, get rid of my boyfriend so I don’t have an extra thing to worry about and laser focus on what matters. It’s toxic, I know it is and I’m relapsing the same ruthless mentality I had in GCSEs where I shattered my exes heart, cut everyone of my friends off near exams and literally disapeared from bane existence, in my toxic self improvement and ‘lock in, ghost everyone and then come back best version of yourself”.

Ironically, Fue to the flop I realised I wasn’t being who I was and my spark after the consultation with my sociokogy teacher ‘if this was (my name) from the start she would’ve wanted that A. I don’t know what happened to that spark”. My work ethic has been thrown out the window and I was questioning if it was burn out or me just being lazy. I feel my old mentality just bubbling up into the surface but at that version of me was also the one that crashed down the most.

I need this change, after today I was ghosting my boyfriend because I just didn’t want to see him whoch was for 5 days. I can’t just do that, my friend said that and he was deeply concerned (he’s an abosukte sweetheart too). Im so shit at balancing that in my mind, it’s ethier be al cuddly and settle down or get out a relationship and let that ambition consume me so I can thrive and push forward.

Hi guys I am 21 years old Male and I didn't date a single girl in my life till now.

I am very introverted guy. Upto 2022 I was overprotected by my parents and in 2023 they sent me to another city for higher studies but untill then idk how things work and all I approved but got rejected before proposal cos due to my attitude and all.

From there my day in life is just waking up, going college, some interaction with friends, back to my apartment, cook food and sleep

So upto now I never dated a girl Idk how should I act to find a new girl as new girls also finding a guy who are well experience not a nerd or a noob!

Now I am having doubt can I be loved? Can I get a girl by my own. Ngl these thoughts also pushes my studies and all.

I also compare myself with my friends. I envy them(happy for them at the same time I am Not well enough I feel)

My communication is WROST, writing is yuck, when I speak I feel like I stammer even tho I am confident inside. Accent is not even good.

My question is: am I cooked? Can I ever be loved ? ik it's never too late but dude thinking about this make me feel sad Ya.

I’ve been talking to this women for about 7 months , I’m 18 years old and recently some things have gone wrong, we are not not done but there’s a decent chance that we will be. And I’m very very sad over her. But what I’m really concerned with is the fact that. One thing I’m so sad about is her body, she was built like a model and I’m afraid I’ll never get anywhere closer to that again, I know it’s wrong but Its so on my mind.

Hey! I know this sounds loaded, but I'm asking in good faith.

I used to be almost a full blown pick me for how much I defended me... but now after 16 years of adult experience in the world, I'm massively losing faith.

I want to stop holding things against men that seem quite "biological" in nature. I'm not trying to vent here- I'm listing because I'm sure folks will be curious what I hate.

- I resent that they're so sex focused

- I resent that they're so unashamed of their attraction to young women (older women are equally 'physically' attracted to younger men, they are also in their prime, women are just mature and could not even consider that as an option usually.)

- I resent their obsession with being 'manly', like literally just be a good person and you're automatically a good man

- I resent the obsessive hatred of femininity and feminine things unless they can fuck it

I recognize a lot of this is the patriarchy, and with that, I know I need to try and change my view... but I'm having a really hard time respecting men now.

What are good ways to deal with all these individual resentments? How should I handle when men brings these up?

To be clear: I do love men, I have men in my life who are great, and I want to maintain some respect for them despite all the things and opinions they have that I don't respect.

I was exhausted. Not from working hard. From fighting everything. My job. My failures. My slow progress. Then I read one line that broke me open: "Be like water." Water never panics. Never forces. Never breaks. It just flows. Around rocks. Through cracks. Over time — it carves mountains. I asked myself — What if I stopped forcing and started flowing? Everything shifted. Not my situation. Not my circumstances. Just my mind. That's the whole game. This community is for people who are done fighting themselves. Tell me — what are you still fighting right now?

I'm stuck and confused But pretend everything's fine, sit idle in a daze as time passes by, hopeing that everything somehow works out alright,in the end.

Ive already grown fed up with everything,

knowing that in reality life is pointless and meaningless.

I don't really care about anything.

Why should I,when everything sucks?

At this point Im waiting for the day when I get hit by a car.

Haven't felt like I'm supposed to be my age. Still feel like a child.

I'm in a situation that seems impossible to get out of.

Living with my mother.

Sucks

Probably emotionally abusive.

Either she's "nice" or not.

It's better when she's gone.

And also the fact that I'm probably on the autism spectrum.

So,Haha guess there's a reason for why I'm so sensitive and weird.

Idk...

Well it's not like I'm actually gonna do anything about it... I don't wanna cross the barrier... Pop the Bubble... It's terrifying...

...

Haha...

I need someone's emotional support... To guide me... But I have no one... I'm on my own...

Please someone tell me what to do...

...

I don't know...

I keep hearing "just start" but that's not actually useful. What was the literal first thing you did, the smallest, lowest-effort version of the thing that got you past zero?

I hate being turkish and I can't even change it. People are so rude to me because I'm Turkish.
What's wrong with me? I don't like to live like this.
what should I do?

14, m. ive been on the wrong side of the internet and i ive been on it unrestricted since 4 im starting to see far right stuff and thinking i agree with it, i dont wanna feel like this but i feel like as the days go on my views get more and more far. FOR THE LAST TIME I DONT WANNA THINK LIKE THIS

I’m 18 and resently got into my first relationship but the problem is that when I told my mother she is against us because my partner is from a different ethnicity and isn’t rich. My mother has always been been controlling over my life and she is telling me to leave him because he will rape me and such things.I don’t know what to do,I love him.I need help also he is the kinde person I know

I am waiting for someone to rescue me.
And I feel like I am losing myself completely and there is no way back.

I am in university right now, 2. semester, business and economics. I dont know if thats the right thing. I dont know what to study or what I want to do for work. Hoenstly I dont want to do anything. Not even exist sometimes, rather than deciding what to do as a „dreamjob“. I moved out from home, two hours away and I think it was the worst thing I coulee done. I have now been living here on the weekdays for 7 months and I know I learned a lot.

But everything feels so wrong, I am having panic and stresses all day, I can't sleep calm for one night, I am always thinking about the career I need to have, about how I have to network and how I have to know where I am going to go. everyone has a goal, but fr, I don't. My goal is be happy and have money, and that is not a goal. I feel so stuck, I feel like I am studying the wrong thing and in the wrong city, at the same Time I am thinking about medicine and psychology and every day I have a new dream job and NO clue where to go or what to work for.

Everything in me screams for going home, back into my safe place and just sleeping forever. I am not ready to get older and I feel like a 9 year old trapped in the body of a 19 year old girl. I can function throughout the day but it's getting harder day by day and I have to fight panic attacks, and just breaking down in the middle of the street. I don't know if I should go home, but there I would just enjoy the safe, but I will never have a time where I am going to say, I want to move out. I don't know if I should pause for a year and travel to some places. I don't want to do that I can't, it feels like I lost. I also don't want to leave the little life I built in this city, but I don't want anything more than leaving.

I am always here, waiting for someone to rescue me, to give me the answer, to give me the perfect opportunities and guide me through life. I don't know why I have this. Also, I feel like I am not trying to get out of the hole, because the hole is all I know and it's safe. if I get better I have to take responsibility and I don't want that, I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Tl:dr: I am waiting for someone to rescue me while my whole life feels like it's falling apart and I just want to go home. How do you cope with this? What could it be that makes me feel like this and how do I get out?