How do I just be better
Im a chronic fuckup, always have been. While part of it could be because of my intense cptsd its not an excuse. I've been unemployed for 2-3 years now leeching off of my husband who works day in and day out to support me and our animals and while I do make some money off my art its not close to being a job substitute. I lie about things to self preserve (cptsd thing) which isn't great in a relationship. Im probably the worst cook ever, im horrible at cleaning, I half ass taking care of our animals which I am the only one taking care of since my spouse works all day.i fall asleep mid day, I dont notice things,im clumsy, im not the smartest, im extremely forgetful. When I do work I get intense anxiety after every single mistake I make in a job that I start spiraling into thoughts of all my coworkers hating me and that they're going to fire me that I end up quitting. My spouse has been so patient with me and trying to help me the best they can for the 6 years we've been together but it just gets to a point. I provide nothing but stress to the relationship and my spouse has said if I dont become better we'll divorce. Without them I really have nothing I have no family whatsoever so id be left on my own. I want to be better so bad but I dont know how