r/moraldilemmas

It’s really true what they say. I thought I would be ok telling my parents you know since I’m their only child. Initially they were happy for me, but now I get why everyone says to keep it to yourself. This morning I get a message from my mom asking me for $500 for some dental work she needs done and she mentions now that I got my disability upgrade she figures she could ask me for it. I would definitely hook mom up, but I already paid my rent, paid off some debt and pretty much leaving me waiting to get paid from my job this week. She’s cool with it and said she use one of her credit cards but I feel bad I wasn’t able to help. I would have never felt bad if I never said anything.

When you see people, let’s say your friend or family, make a decision to end their life, is it moral to stop them if that’s what they decide to do with their own body?

This is kinda a random thought in the middle of the night post. I'd just like to hear people's views and opinions ig? I have like a very mixed view on the death penalty and honestly don't know where I stand. I'd say I'm mostly against it, but at the same time I guess I can see how people view it as reasonable when certain people do ruin if not end other people's lives. At the same time I'd argue it's worse for them to live with that fact that they did something horrible, in jail for the rest of their life instead of just, ending their life? Idk but at the same time I do agree maybe some cases make sense?...

Idk mostly I find it inhumane, bcs I believe everyone's life is a gift, well obv it can also affect innocent people that haven't been proven innocent but idk if that's like a thing that actually happens?- at least anymore? And also I believe in actually helping criminals work through their problems n shi and idk what the word is. rehabilitation? I guess that wouldn't exactly work with a bloody murderer or something ig, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Either way I'm curious where other people stand and what y'all think about my opinion bcs I rl can't come to a decision whether I'm pro- or anti-death penalty:^... Like if someone asked me I'd go on a 30 min rant why and why not I support it or don't 🤷... Not a clear answer...

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to cut herself with a knife so I did actually hide them. That's actually quite traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when I die hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to a child especially your own?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was kind and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy. She then suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I really wish I had just walked away. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was been rude and having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and ownership she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

Do you have any advice for all of my experiences, how I can move on, become more social and make friends etc?

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself they'd think I was an evil person.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

Preface: This is coming from the perspective of a teenaged girl, not a parent.

I think that it's unfair for a parent to have to suddenly plan to accommodate for an extra mouth that they didn't plan for.

Diapers, baby clothes, doctor's visits, daycare—all of that is expensive as hell and, realistically, the average teenager will not make enough money to be able to afford all of that by themselves in a part-time role or full-time role if they decide to drop out of school. That places the bulk of the burden on the parent(s). At that point, I don't think that the parent should be obligated to provide financially support the life of their frankly unwanted grandchild.

If a teenager makes an adult, life-changing decision like this then they should handle it as such.

If they're under 18 then yes, of course, fulfill your legal obligations as a parent but after that, it should kind of be up to them to figure out how to deal with the consequences of the decision that they made.

Is this a immoral way of thinking?

I’ve recently learned that my partner is a product of inbreeding. We have been together for a few years now and have not only discussed marriage, but also having children. I consider him to be “my person.”
I’ve now learned that not only are his parents first cousins, but his grandparents also married first cousins. His brother married his first cousin, his sister married a cousin, so on and so forth.
I thought this was illegal. I googled it. It is not. It is not illegal to marry your cousin. The mere fact that I HAD TO LOOK UP WHETHER OR NOT ITS LEGAL TO MARRY YOUR FUCKING COUSIN has caused a great deal of anxiety. As you can imagine. I assume? Am I alone in thinking this is weird AF? The casual nature of the disclosure has raised questions as well. What if it hadn’t come up and I got pregnant? Doesn’t a person have a right to know if his or her partner has questionable genetic material?
I have the “ick.” I don’t know what to do. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?
It was such a nonchalant disclosure of information…like no big deal. And now I’m like WTF
This is not a joke, please don’t delete my post I’m honestly seeking some help and input.

I (27F) currently live at home, and my aunt and uncle live right next door. My cousins (their two daughters) are older, one has special needs. She’s in her early 30s, and has a form of autism as well as other conditions. She behaves and talks at the level of (roughly) a 10y/o child and needs care/staff 24/7. In the past two years, she has gotten her own house and staff support because her previous housing/staffing situations could not agree with her parents on how to handle/respond to her behavioral outbursts (which stem from a deep shopping addiction). She has moved between multiple homes and staffing agencies due to this issue. Her parents have been trying to put together a team for her, still needing to find staff for weekend overnights. My aunt and uncle are very involved in her care, often having to fill in for staff that are unavailable and on weekends. Their other daughter lives about 35-40 min away in a city but often visits on weekends for support especially when they are away.

Yesterday, they asked me to help out with weekends when they travel, specifically overnights and to be an emergency contact. They travel often, they live btwn the US and the Philippines and like to visit their friends around the world. When they proposed the role, they shared that it would be $40/hr, with partial benefits and only when they are out of town. They believe I am an ideal candidate to work with her bc she listens and responds to me well. In college, I helped out on the weekends for 2 years but decided to stop bc I simply do not want to be a caregiver. When they asked me to help out again (they have asked multiple times over the past ~3 years, I decline), my uncle spills about how hard things are (in his retirement he has become his father’s care /case manager) and how great the opportunity is. They’ve asked another cousin to take this role before me, she tried to respectfully decline, and the convo took a turn for the worse - bc of this (and another disagreement at the time) my aunt/uncle and cousin are no longer on speaking terms. She told me they said she “needed this opportunity”, and “we’re not going to stop asking you until you say yes”.

I already help out with administering medication for her when they’re gone and taking her out if she’s lonely while they travel. Being around them and my cousin with special needs all the time, I know they need the help but with other things/stressors on my plate right now, I don’t want to take on the role. There’s also a history of my uncle snapping at me when he’s upset and just not being the most considerate of how he ‘asks’ for help. My aunt is generally more level-headed but has a temper as well (that side of the family is said to have a lot of pride to the point of ‘a chip on their shoulder’ in rlly tense moments). I don’t want to get wrapped up into drama or upset them by declining once again, but they tend to be sensitive about this topic so I’m not sure what to even say.

One of classes is in a large lecture hall. There is a box of lost and found with jackets, water bottles, chargers, etc. and I would like to take things. I think that if you have given enough time for the owner to get it, you should be allowed to take it if you want.

Hi again. I have a bit of a late-night dilemma. I'm aware that eventually (I pray for a very long eventually) I will inherit around 3 properties from my parents. Two of which are already being rented out, and the other one is the house I live in. I don't really plan on living in the country they are in after finishing school.

I have complicated feelings about landlords, and I know a lot of people think that it's inherently immoral to be a landlord. I know a large portion of it is because jerks buy up property, screwing over the housing market and letting regular people have trouble finding affordable housing.

Either way, I don't want to depart from these houses, especially the one I'm currently living in. The others were passed down to my parents or have been earned by them. Thus, cutting ties with them kind of hurts.

I'm sure there are other alternatives; I just don't know what.

I don't want to exploit people, and I have a slight plan on how to be fair and just. However, the general idea of Landlords can be a bit iffy.

This all probably sounds shallow and stupid. However, that's just the issue I was thinking of.

I f20 and my brother M19 are having a fundamental moral disagreement about what we should expect out of each other as siblings, and I’m having a hard time, figuring out whether I’m being reasonable.

I went through a really hard time a couple months ago and after what happened he knows that I’ve been struggling really bad mentally. I personally feel that if you love someone you would want to make the effort to do something nice for them to see if you could make them feel better especially if I see that my loved one is doing bad mentally. I would like to add this isn’t because I feel obligated or expect anything in return but rather because I would just like to do something nice for them.

My brother’s perspective is basically the opposite. My brother believes that any relationship whether that be friendship or in this case a sibling ship, he’s not obligated to do anything for me ever, or for anyone else for that matter unless he genuinely wants to, which is almost never.

With our different respective, you can see how it was really hurtful to hear that because he never makes an effort or does anything that’s inconvenient for him. He insist that it isn’t personal towards me, but that he wouldn’t do that for anybody simply because he doesn’t want to.

To me any sort of relationship isn’t about what you’re morally obligated to do, and I don’t believe just because I do nice things for someone else they’re obligated to do nice things for me. I do nice things for people because I want to. But I do believe a relationship with any human means that you do have to consider other people and their needs even when it might be inconvenient towards you.

I’m the type of person who does this naturally, and I understand my brother is someone who doesn’t. But after having a conversation with him a while ago, he repeatedly said that he would work on it and make more of an effort to Make me feel loved and appreciated. He never came through on that.

During our argument today, I understand that you shouldn’t completely neglect yourself for others or constantly sacrifice my own well-being, but I don’t understand how I relationship with anyone can work if my mindset is “I don’t know anyone anything, especially if something is inconvenient for me”. But at the same time, I understand that my brother feels pressured by my expectation and believes I’m asking too much of him my brother says that normal sibling relationship, friendships, etc. don’t require this much effort and I should leave it be.

I would like to add that during this really difficult time in my life the only thing you would do is listen to me and I think that’s about you and that I wouldn’t get a hug or really any word of comfort.

My brother argues that is not obligated to make more than a bare minimum effort of doing literally nothing but having a conversation.

My question goes out to audience, what should we expect for our siblings? Am I being unreasonable by asking him to do more than the bare minimum because I feel like we have different bare minimum?

Feel free to ask any questions down below, I’ll make sure to answer everything to the best of my ability! 😊

I'm (M17) classmates with this girl (F16), she's genuinely the nicest friend I've had, as in, she makes me actually feel needed or valuable; she remembers things I bring up a lot, actually asks questions about me. She reminds me of myself a lot for some reason, we're both very "royal" or "aristocratic" the way our friends call it. Also we genuinely find each other funny, we both laugh at each other's even not so funny jokes.

Anyways, she does (afaik) have a boyfriend, but he's long distance as they had to physically separate some time ago (we're both ukrainians so I assume they immigrated into different countries). I came to this conclusion as when one of my friends said "let me find y'all a partner", she said she's good as she's already got a boyfriend, and she also has matching bios with someone.

And now I have an ethical dilemma, should I try flirting with her, or be the way I am normally, platonic? I genuinely like her and would've already asked her out if I didn't knew she's got a boyfriend. It's an ethical issue to me, because I genuinely feel like my flirt might get her interested, as imo irl relationship is always better than a long distance one, if I were her I'd probably let go of the long distance one if I had a potential real one (real as in non long distance).

Should I try flirting with her? Or am I being delusional about a person being able to end an ldr if they prefer a real relationship? What should I do? If I keep overthinking it it's only gonna get worse, I think