u/Inevitable-Gear-7712

Me and my ex broke up about a week ago over something I said that wasn’t true and now I’m worried I might have lost the best thing to ever happen to me. I feel like I need to give some context, so fair warning sorry for my rambling.

We would have been together 5 years next month. We met in high school and started dating after we graduated. We have been through a lot together. Moved in together. Watched each other struggle through school. Countless hospital visits and injuries. Got animals. Moved in to a nicer house fixed it up. New jobs. We were finally starting to see the life we had always envisioned for ourselves. We had good times and bad like anyone but one of our biggest issues was his mom. He was a Mommas boy and he used to call her everyday before we started dating, once we started dating he didn’t call her as much and as time when on he called her less and less. I used to encourage him to call her but he would say he’ll call her later or it’s fine. As time went on he didn’t go see her as much as he used to. She would invite us to things and he would tell his mom I had to work or say I didn’t feel good. Most of the time that was a lie and he didn’t want to go but he didn’t want to hurt his mom’s feelings. I didn’t love it but it was fine. As time would go on his mom began to say terrible things about the way I looked Or what I would wear. Over the years my boyfriend would lie anytime something came up a birth or holiday dinner he would tell them I was working. Well Last year I told him I would make one more final effort to repair things with me and his mom. I went on a family vacation with them, I was already having a hard time with the fact both of my parents had a condition or disease that would take their lives one way or another. I wanted me and her to get along bc she would probably be the only parent figure I would have in the future. The vacation was horrible, member of his family who had previously been nice to me started acting horrible and saying terrible things to me. I never complained or showed I cared at all. We went home and from then on any family event I didn’t go to and he just willingly stopped going to my family events. Our other big issue is my boyfriend is very active in a political party and is a head of a branch so he is very busy all the time. I love and support him 100% but I work as a firefighter and I’m trying to get a new job, I never post anything political because being a woman firefighter is difficult already. I don’t want politics to interfere with my work. I go to rallies with him and ask how the different events turn out but I’ve never been a political person, I don’t get very deep into it. I don’t understand it as much as I probably should. I feel bad I can’t connect with him on one of his favorite things.

So a month ago he asked me if I was happy, I told him idk I told him I wanted to travel and I wanted to go out and do things. I wasn’t ready to get married and have a family. That wasn’t true. Recently yes I had been going out and traveling and doing lots of fun things, but I am happy and I do want those things, I have just been thinking a lot and I’m worried what happens when we get married and have a family I don’t want his mother to hate me and tell our kids horrible things about me. Also I don’t want him to give up the work he’s doing he’s amazing at it!! He’s trying to change the world for the better and I support him, but he has all this time now, if we start a family he would have to choose and I don’t want him to have to choose between me and what he loves to do. He said he just wants me to be happy finally but now we’re both heart broken bc I was scared.

Side note we had never talked about breaking up really before it happened. A friend of his needed a place to stay for a month, she was getting kick out of her house and just need someone to stay with until another friend’s lease was up and they could get a place together. I always thought this friend has feelings for him but i tried to not think too much about it. They moved in which I encouraged and two days later he said we should break up. I love him he is so sweet and has the kindest heart. He is funny and gentle. He would do anything and everything to make me smile. I feel like I should have done so much more and I want to do more, but what should I do tell him the truth or just let it be.

I’m sorry this is so long and if you read it all thank you I just want some advice bc I can’t sleep and I’m driving by myself crazy.