Was Court Ordered Committed at 14
Recently my father (77m) revealed to me (56f) that his friend advised him to have me committed when I was 14. At the time it happened, it didn't make sense to me why my dad brought me to the hospital.
Last Easter, I invited my Dad over for Easter. Casual and informal since it was last minute. I am religous, he is not. I knew he was alone, so I thought it would be nice.
We went for a quick hike and he wanted to go eat. We went to a local diner I frequent. During dinner he mentioned the worst day of his life was putting me in an institution. I was slightly mortified because I know people there. He went into detail about how stressed he was at the time and everything was going wrong for him.
(My mother had left him w/me and my sister when I was three. After a chaotic childhood, at 13 I couldn't take my mother and sister any more. I visited him at Christmas. My mother made my sister go to make sure I came back. I told my father I wasn't leaving. He said, okay, and applied for sole custody.)
He went over my problems that had caused him problems: drinking, drugs, and the day of my institutionalization: a school suspension. I looked around and asked him to not discuss it now as I know people there in diner (Very small town I moved to with my kids where I was local government coorespondent for newspaper and some business people I'd covered were sitting at table right next to us.)
He went on to reveal to me how I was institutionalized. With all my problems his friend, a psychologist who saw me at his request, told him that the only way to make things look good for him was to immediately put me away. I was shocked and couldn't speak.
All my life I was ashamed of having mental problems, which of course I know is nothing to be ashamed of. But, he was now telling me it was a choice the adults made to remove me from causing disruptions. All my life I remember the trauma of my father telling me to get in the car when he came home from work when the school sent me home for drinking on school property, he brought me to the local psychiatric adolescent unit, I met with the intake person ( who I was sure would see I'm just a kid acting out, I don't have psychiatric issues that require hospitalization since my life was finally starting to look up.), then they brought me to the unit, my dad said bye, and they locked the doors. It was a court committment because I refused to sign myself in involuntarily.
It was humiliating at the time because I finally was making friends and now I would once again be branded an outcast. (My mother moved us every few months.) It was traumatizing to not have freedom or choice.
My father then went on to tell me about how the previous year he sent my dog to the pound to help my mom move us. Another shock since my dog was my best friend, but at the time my mom said he ran away when I was at camp.
I tried to discuss the shock with my dad. Also, tell him how it was the worst day in my life when I was sent away. But, my dad just unloads what he has to say and won't listen to any exchange. I'm left with more questions. He's not talking to me now. He had offerred to help with loan payments for my daughter's college. But when I came to his house to discuss it like he asked, he started screaming that my daughter and I don't respect him and screamed at me to get out.
Can anyone give insight into why he would tell me these things and not in the form of an apology? Is it possible, I'm not seeing my behaviour and I am in fact embarrassing him like I just don't see myself right (I'm sober since 2000 btw) and disrespectful?
I don't have specifics because I'm not sure what I did that hurt him. It's just kind of a well known thing in the family that I'm constantly f'ng things up in some way. I often feel like other people know things and I don't. Is that what delusional is? Is what my father did normal/acceptable parent behaviour? I mean I would never do that to my kids, but my kids are wonderful I've barely had to discipline. So, should I be mad? I often don't know what is something to be angry about or if I should be. When he told me he was very matter of fact and concerned about himself. Am I being self centered if I'm mad at him. (Btw, this is a throwaway account because I don't want my dad put in a bad light.) I'm sorry if this is all way too much. I'll understand if it's deleted.