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My mum died earlier this year. There are five of us siblings.

Her will left her estate to only three people: my younger sister, one of my brothers, and my younger sister’s adult daughter. My sister received the largest share, my brother received the next largest, and my niece received the rest. The other three siblings, including me, another sister and another brother, were left absolutely nothing.

I want to make something very clear because this is where inheritance stories often get misunderstood: I did not need my mum’s money. I am financially comfortable and, to be honest, I had even wondered whether Mum might leave me out because she knew I was financially secure. Another of my sisters was actually more shocked than I was that Mum had excluded me, given the amount of support I had provided over the years. What I hadn't expected was for three of Mum's five children to be excluded completely.

I never expected an equal share. My younger sister and her daughter did an enormous amount of caring for Mum towards the end of her life, and I always believed they deserved to receive considerably more than the rest of us.

I should also explain the geography because it matters. I live in another country, whereas my younger sister and her daughter lived around ten minutes from Mum. They therefore did the vast majority of the day-to-day physical caring for her, and I have never disputed how much they did or the toll it took on them.

Because I couldn't provide the same day-to-day physical help from another country, I tried to support them in other ways. When my sister told me that caring for Mum was costing her working hours, I started paying her £100 a week to compensate for the income she was losing. I continued doing that for over a year. I also helped financially and practically in other ways over the years.

What upset me about the will was the complete exclusion of three of Mum’s five children.

But even then, I think what I was relying on was the relationship between us as siblings. Mum could make whatever decision she wanted. I believed that when the time came, we would still look out for one another. I suppose I assumed there was a basic loyalty between us that existed independently of whatever was written in a will.

Initially we were told by the beneficiaries that they hadn't known what was in the will until after Mum died and they dealt with probate.

That turned out not to be true.

My younger sister had apparently known the contents for roughly two years. My brother eventually admitted that he had known too. In fact, he admitted that he had actually written the will for Mum.

He said he wasn't happy with what she wanted, argued with her about excluding us, but she was adamant. He also admitted that he deliberately didn't tell us because he knew the three excluded siblings would be hurt.

So he knew exactly what was coming.

My brother and I had actually spoken once after the initial fallout, before I knew he'd written the will. During that conversation he agreed with me that the will was unfair, but at the time he denied knowing what was in it beforehand. He said he would get back to me after he'd had a chance to think about everything.

He never did.

I later discovered that not only had he known what was in the will, he was the person who had actually written it for Mum. That completely changed how I viewed our earlier conversation. He had sat talking to me about how unfair the will was while allowing me to believe that he had only just discovered its contents.

I can't know why he never came back to me, but part of me wonders whether, once the truth about his involvement came out, he was simply too embarrassed to have another conversation with me. Whatever his reason, he has never tried to explain it to me.

I haven't spoken to him since, and at the moment I don't want to. My reasons are different from my reasons for stepping away from my sister and niece, but the result is the same: I no longer trust him.

One of my biggest problems is that the beneficiaries therefore had a long time to think about what would happen after Mum died. Even if they quite reasonably believed it wasn't their place to tell us about Mum's private will while she was alive, once she died they could have talked amongst themselves.

I never expected them to ignore Mum's wishes or divide everything five ways. What I hoped was that the three beneficiaries might look at each other and say, “Leaving three of her children absolutely nothing is incredibly hurtful. Perhaps we should make sure they each have some small remembrance.”

Nobody did.

Instead, when the fallout started, my younger sister told me she didn't care that we had been left out. She later complained that she hadn't been given enough time after Mum's death to process the will or decide whether to “do the right thing.”

That became much harder for me to accept once I discovered she'd actually known what the will said for about two years.

To be fair to my sister, she did later offer to give me some money so I could buy something to remember Mum by. I declined.

By then, accepting money would have completely missed the point. I hadn't wanted a payout. I wanted to know that my sister saw the hurt of three siblings being completely excluded and cared enough to acknowledge it without having to be pushed into doing so.

A small gesture made freely to all three of us who had been excluded would probably have meant an enormous amount to me. The same gesture offered only to me after the arguments, denials and accusations meant something entirely different. What I wanted from my sister was loyalty and consideration towards all of us, not money for myself.

There was another revelation that particularly hurt me. My sister apparently told another sibling that the £100 weekly payments I'd made while she was caring for Mum had only lasted “a few weeks.”

I have the bank records. They continued for more than a year.

Her daughter then sent me some extremely angry messages saying that nobody had physically shown up for her mother, that there was “absolutely no excuse” for us, “shame on you,” and accusing me of sulking and taking a “cop out.” She knew I had financially supported her mother but dismissed it as “only money.”

That hurt because I had never once diminished what either of them had done for Mum.

Another sibling, who also lived some distance away, had actually offered to travel down and stay nearby so she could help physically. My younger sister told her not to come.

After the initial arguments, my sister said she hadn't been given enough time to process everything. She said it had only been a matter of weeks since Mum died, that she hadn't had time to think about what she wanted to do, and that it was unfair to expect her to have immediately worked everything out.

I actually accepted that. However hurt and angry I was, I thought perhaps she genuinely did need time. So I gave it to her. I stopped pushing the issue and stepped back.

The problem is that when we eventually communicated again, nothing fundamental seemed to have changed. She still appeared to believe that she had done nothing wrong. There was no real acknowledgement of the dishonesty about how long she'd known about the will, the minimising of the support I'd given her, or the wider hurt caused to the three siblings who had been excluded. The explanation still seemed to be that Mum had made the decision, my sister had cared for her, and therefore the rest of us should accept what had happened and move on.

That mattered to me because by then this wasn't about wanting an immediate reaction from someone who was grieving. She had asked me for time to think, and I had given her that time. I wasn't expecting her to suddenly hand over her inheritance. I was hoping that, once the anger had settled, there might at least be some recognition of why trust had been damaged and why the other siblings were hurt.

Instead, her daughter then accused me of bullying her mother because I still hadn't forgiven her.

That accusation particularly bothered me. Giving somebody space doesn't create an obligation to forgive them at the end of it. I hadn't been harassing my sister or demanding money from her. I had stepped away because I no longer trusted her. To have that boundary characterised as bullying made me feel that even my decision not to resume the relationship was now being treated as something I was doing to her.

And that was probably the point when I realised that time alone wasn't going to repair this. The problem wasn't simply that emotions had been running high immediately after Mum's death. We seemed to have fundamentally different views of what had happened and of whether there was anything for her to take responsibility for.

This whole thing has also made me reassess my relationship with my younger sister over many years. There have been occasions where I've backed down or let things go because dealing with her when she doesn't get her own way can be extremely unpleasant. I always excused a lot because she was my youngest sister.

I've now also learned something about her previous falling out with our brother. According to him, she once sent him a letter saying he was “scum at birth” and “scum for life,” and wrote “scum” repeatedly on the outside of the envelope where the postman could see it.

That absolutely appalled me.

The excluded brother has now been told everything. He asked for a copy of the will and, after learning what had happened, independently contacted the Probate Service and arranged to speak to a solicitor. That is entirely his decision. I haven't encouraged him to challenge anything.

The other excluded sister and I have become much closer through all this. She is much angrier about the inheritance itself than I am, and we've actually disagreed about how to handle certain things.

At one point she wanted to test our brother's guilt by asking whether he would give some money to her daughters. I told her I thought that was unfair and put him in an impossible position. She listened, agreed with me and apologised.

That distinction matters to me because this isn't about blindly taking sides.

As a result of everything that's happened, I've also changed my own estate planning. I've decided that several members of the younger generation from different branches of the family will ultimately benefit from my estate.

I've also chosen to be open about the decisions I've made rather than letting people discover major decisions after I'm dead.

My younger sister and I now have virtually no relationship. There have been further text exchanges since all this happened, but nothing that has restored my trust in her or resolved the underlying issues. More recently, she and her daughter have effectively withdrawn from me on social media as well, so the estrangement now seems to be going both ways.

What has changed everything for me is what I've learned about trust and loyalty within my own family.

I believed that, whatever disagreements we might have and whatever Mum chose to put in her will, there was a fundamental loyalty between us as a family. I believed we would look out for one another and care when one of us was hurt.

This isn't only about how my younger sister treated me. In some ways, the apparent lack of concern for the other two excluded siblings has troubled me even more. I am financially secure. They are not in the same position I am, and the beneficiaries knew that. They also knew, long before I did, that three of Mum's five children were going to receive absolutely nothing.

I never expected anyone to overturn Mum's wishes or divide the inheritance equally. But I did expect the people involved to care about what this would do to the rest of the family. I expected some instinct to say, these are our family, our brothers and sisters, our aunts and uncle, this is going to hurt them, and we don't want them to feel that they meant nothing.

Instead, once everything came out, I saw very little of that concern. Things I'd done to support my sister while she cared for Mum were minimised, my niece attacked me for supposedly not being there and later accused me of bullying because I hadn't forgiven her mother, and my brother never came back to me after promising that he would. I later discovered that what he'd told me about not knowing the contents of the will wasn't true.

That's why my sister's later offer to give me some money to buy something to remember Mum by couldn't repair things. I declined it because my own financial position was never the issue. If this had simply been about getting something for myself, I could have accepted her offer and walked away with a keepsake.

I haven't lost trust in them because they inherited Mum's money. I've lost trust because of what happened afterwards: what I was told, what I later discovered wasn't true, how the hurt of the excluded siblings was treated, and how little responsibility anyone seemed willing to take for their own choices. What I thought was a basic loyalty between us as a family suddenly didn't seem to be there.

And that has made me question something much bigger than a will. I thought that if one of us was vulnerable or hurting, the others would care, regardless of who had what in the bank. I'm no longer sure we share that understanding of what being family means.

At the same time, I know grief can bring out the worst in families. My sister and her daughter carried an enormous burden caring for Mum while I lived in another country and wasn't there providing the day-to-day physical care. I don't want to erase what they did simply because of what has happened since.

But I also don't believe being grateful for the care they gave Mum means I have to overlook everything that happened afterwards or continue relationships with people I no longer trust.

So, AITA for accepting that my relationships with my sister, her daughter and my brother may be over because I no longer trust them or feel the loyalty between us that I thought was there, rather than trying to repair things simply because we're family?

I (46F) haven’t had a real relationship with my brother (44M) for almost three years because I brought my husband to Christmas lunch at his house while my husband was struggling with drugs.

The thing is… I didn’t even organise Christmas at his house.

And now my parents, who are in their 70s, are apparently being cut off from their grandchildren too.

So I’m starting to wonder: When does a boundary stop being a boundary and become punishment?

Some background.

My brother and I were extremely close growing up. We had wonderful parents, a happy childhood and did everything together. That continued into adulthood. When I got married in 2002, he was an integral part of my wedding and even sang a song.

I genuinely thought we’d always be close.

Then 2023 blew my life apart.

My husband was going through an awful period and became involved with drugs. I’m not going to sugarcoat that or defend his choices. It was serious, messy and incredibly difficult for our family.

I turned to my family for support.

My parents were amazing.

My brother? Not so much.

He spoke to me, but there was definitely a distance there. Still, I accepted that. Nobody is obligated to respond to someone else’s crisis exactly the way you want them to.

Then came Christmas.

The original plan was simple: my husband, our 17-year-old son and I were having Christmas lunch at my parents’ house.

My brother and SIL (41F) were away on holidays.

Then my brother asked my parents to stay at his house for a few days to look after their dog.

So Christmas lunch moved from Mum and Dad’s house to my brother’s.

We went.

We were there for around three hours. My husband was still in a terrible place mentally and basically slept through most of it. My son and I hung out with my parents, swam in the pool and had Christmas lunch.

That’s it.

No drugs.

No drama.

No damage.

No confrontation.

Nothing was stolen. Nothing happened to their house. There wasn’t some huge Christmas Day disaster.

Then January came.

My brother called me absolutely furious.

“How dare you bring a drug dealer into my home?”

That sentence has basically echoed through our family ever since.

I told him I understood why he was uncomfortable. It’s his house. He’s entitled to decide who he wants there.

But I also reminded him that I hadn’t asked to have Christmas at his house.

We were supposed to be at our parents’ place.

Christmas was only moved there because he asked our parents to house-sit and look after his dog while he and his wife were away.

Still, that was apparently the line in the sand.

Our relationship basically died.

For the next couple of years, we’ve existed on birthday texts, Father’s Day messages and occasional polite contact.

Meanwhile, something pretty significant happened:

My husband got his life back together.

He’s no longer living the life he was living in 2023. He’s working again in the profession he loves, he’s doing well and our lives have moved forward.

I’m not asking anyone to pretend 2023 didn’t happen.

I’m not asking my brother to forget everything.

I’m not even demanding that he trust my husband again.

But recently I finally called him because I thought enough time had passed and I desperately wanted to start repairing our family.

I suggested we start having family gatherings again.

His response?

“We’re not ready.”

Nearly three years later.

And I genuinely don’t know what we’re waiting for.

What exactly needs to happen?

Is my husband supposed to serve some undefined family sentence before he’s considered acceptable again?

Is there a five-year mark?

Ten?

Are we just never spending Christmas together again?

But here’s where everything has become much uglier.

My SIL has now had a falling out with my parents and has told them not to have contact with their grandchildren.

These aren’t grandparents who barely saw the kids.

My mum and dad helped raise their three boys.

They babysat.

They took them to soccer.

They helped around their house.

My mum even cleaned for them.

They have poured years of love, time and energy into those grandchildren.

Now they’re in their 70s and they’re being told they can’t have contact with them.

I can’t prove that this is because my parents refused to cut off me and my husband, so I want to be fair about that.

But the timing and the history make it very hard not to wonder.

I’ve also struggled for years with the feeling that my SIL is extremely controlling when it comes to my brother and his relationships with our family. I’ve deliberately tried to stay out of their marriage because he’s a grown man and ultimately his relationships are his responsibility.

But watching this spread from me, to my husband, and now potentially to my elderly parents has changed how I see the whole situation.

And despite everything, here’s the stupidly sad part:

I still miss my brother.

I’m angry with him, but I love him.

I remember the brother who stood beside me at my wedding and sang.

I remember our childhood.

I remember when being a family wasn’t this complicated.

Our parents are getting older. Our children are growing up. None of us knows how much time we have left together.

I don’t want to wake up ten years from now and realise we wasted a decade being angry about the worst period of one person’s life — particularly when that person actually turned things around.

I can accept boundaries.

I can accept that my brother may never completely trust my husband again.

What I’m struggling to accept is indefinite punishment with no explanation of what reconciliation would even look like.

So Reddit, I genuinely need outside perspectives.

AITA for thinking my brother and SIL have taken this too far?

Was I completely wrong for bringing my husband to Christmas lunch at my brother’s house in 2023, even though the lunch was only there because my parents were house-sitting for him?

Does my brother have every right to still say “we’re not ready” almost three years later?

And most importantly — do I keep fighting for the brother I used to have, or accept that he has chosen a life that no longer includes me?

I am a 36-year-old female, and my husband is a 37-year-old male, let us call him John. We have been together for 10 years and married for two.

After the wedding, I became pregnant and moved from the country I had been living in to the country where John works, which is on the opposite side of the continent.

I am a stay-at-home mom for the time being, but I am going to start working soon. I do have my own salary. My husband works between ten and twelve hours daily.

Since I moved here, my mom has visited once to help when I delivered my baby; she stayed for one month, and my FIL was here as well. John owns a restaurant where his cousin and my FIL work, both live in a neighboring country twelve hours car ride away.

Since I moved here, we have had someone living with us constantly. If my FIL leaves, the cousin comes; when the cousin leaves, my FIL comes, and occasionally my husband's uncle does too.

I forgot to mention that we live in a two-bedroom apartment. My husband, my son, and I share one room, and the other one is for whoever is visiting at the time. In the best month, I get ten days, non-consecutive, with no visitors.

I have been doing all the cleaning, changing all the bed sheets, doing the laundry, cooking, and buying the groceries, sometimes I pay and sometimes my husband does, but never our guests. They use everything I buy, including toiletries, shampoo (we need a new one every 3 days) , shower gel is enough for 4 days top), and deodorant, you get the picture. I lost count on how manytimes i went in to shower, only to find out that all the bottles are empty. It has been a little over a year now.

The last time the cousin was here, I had bought four bottles of deodorant that John and the cousin shared, and they used them all in one week. So, i decided enough is enough and stopped buying anything. A few days later, the cousin came out of his room while I was minding my own business in the living room, holding a deodorant of a different brand than the ones I buy, and asked me to buy more because he had run out.

This man had been keeping his own things untouched while using my husband's supplies all this time, and he had the audacity to ask me for more. After this incident, I asked my husband to tell them to stop coming, as I want the room for our son and I am uncomfortable having someone here 24/7.

Since then, my FIL came twice and stayed 10-15 days each time, and now the cousin is here. I have had enough.

I spoke to John and told him to speak to his cousin to find other accommodation because if we are living like this, I am leaving him. He said he understands and he will fix it. The day after, nothing happened.

I woke up to find the whole milk carton I bought for my son empty. Guess who drank it all. If you say the cousin, you win. I woke John and told him to go get milk before I lose my temper. I gave the ultimatum again and told him to give me a date when the cousin will move. "Soon" is not cutting it for me anymore. He said before Friday today is Sunday.

If any visitors are here on Friday, I am leaving and not coming back! So, my lovely potatoes, am I the a-hole for giving my husband an ultimatum that it is me or his family?

(Resubmitting because I'm afraid I left a formatting error in that original submission; sorry mods! This is my first time posting something like this)

AITA for adopting my step-niece and cutting part of her family off?

Potato queen, I humbly offer my story. It’s long and a little convoluted, but anything I state as fact is backed by text/email or pictures/videos. I am a Human Resources professional, so I’m well aware of the importance of getting things in writing. And maybe I get petty with my powers.

I (F30s) adopted my step-sister's (F20s) child, “Sara” (F, under 5). Some details are left ambiguous and names are obviously changed.

As you demand, there will be context. Let’s set the scene.

How the Adoption Happened

“Sara” was born to my step-sister, “Anna.” Unfortunately, after some medical issues, Anna and I agreed that she couldn’t parent, and she wanted me to take over with Sara. Part of those medical issues included Sara
being legally placed in my house with my parents - and from then we technically shared a household (important for the adoption process). I share their house because when I got out of the military, I took a break by living in my parents’ basement for a little while. But, after some time, I shifted into Sara's primary caregiver and eventually decided to legally adopt her. I became her mommy and I can’t imagine any other life. But, as a full-grown person already retired from one career, I found myself stuck in the basement for this whole
ordeal. I am a millennial basement potato.

The adoption went through a very drawn-out legal process. From hiring a lawyer to the final order, this took several years. There was a home study, background checks, social workers, attorneys, court proceedings,
and the required consents and evaluations. The judge required every possible check along the way and never waived a requirement. The home study was an extremely thorough evaluation of my life and ability to become a parent and confirmed with Anna that she truly consented and understood what was happening
despite her medical issues. Later, Sara's guardian ad litem (spokesperson for her in court) also verified that she spoke with Anna and that the consent was valid.

The adoption was finalized in 2025. Yay! I’m a mom, so happy and full of hope. Unfortunately, everything blew up when I announced the adoption to the extended family. Well, three people out of the (large, blended)
family were not happy for me or Sara. My two step-sisters and their mother. Everyone else was ecstatic.

More context:

I personally have been bullied/harassed, and generally treated poorly at times in my life. I also understand their mom and their family dynamic after growing up with them. I am therapized and in a great place
mentally now BTW. I record announcements and important things because of my experiences with gaslighting. We live in a one-party consent state in the US so it's legal. This way, I know exactly what I really said.

Story one:

The adoption was announced at a family birthday dinner. My recollection, supported by an audio recording, was that the sisters congratulated me, stayed for the rest of dinner (we were eating while I announced it), and later they sang happy birthday, and participated in cake and presents. Their testimony was that they argued at the table about the adoption and left soon after the announcement.

Side note: Honestly, I felt bad taking over the birthday party. I had to crash the birthday because the sisters were hard to wrangle together and I needed to share the news ASAP.

Story two: There were also conflicting accounts about what happened around another birthday later that year and who had or had not tried to maintain a relationship with Sara afterward.

This is where things get a little more complicated. The whole night was recorded in happy pictures and videos of presents, dinner, and cake/singing, showing they did not leave early. But they testified that they
had a conflict and left early.

At that point, I had already tried to offer a FaceTime with Karen, and she was incredibly inappropriate until I had to make a final boundary for no more contact – all recorded in email because I was not about to give this person my phone number.

The actual issue that night was that one of my sisters gave Sara a gift from Karen and repeatedly referred to Karen as “Gran-Gran” until Sara asked if Gran-Gran was there. I did not want Sara being put in the middle
of an adult conflict. I texted my sisters to say exactly that once I was done being mad, several days later. I said if they couldn’t respect my parental boundaries, then they will lose the privilege of Sara’s time.

The sisters apparently viewed those boundaries as me “cutting off” the family. After that, they stopped coming to family dinners and stopped asking about Sara. They also skipped Father's Day with my stepdad.

 

The Objection

Anna's mother, “Karen,” formally objected to the adoption after it was final - something allowed up to 6 months after a final order. Her objection was submitted at the end of month 5.

To be clear: Karen’s not my mom, she's Anna's mom; my step-dad is Anna's dad so that's how we’re connected.

Karen's position was basically that Sara should stay in my parents' custody so Karen could keep having visitation: “why change the status quo.” Never mind that there is a child who deserves a mom and stability, but
sure, let’s let you keep taking my parents in/out of court so you can keep your visits and control. Karen's legal argument was that she didn’t get proper notice of the adoption proceedings as a grandparent - there is a complicated legal issue there, but in the objection, it revealed a clerical error… the irony isn’t lost on me, the HR professional. Turns out, I submitted the original adoption petition two months too soon to qualify for the Circuit Court level and had to re-submit the whole adoption petition.

Importantly, the adoption requirements did not reset, just the petition submission and legal process. Sara was still living with me, the consents and home study were still valid and never revoked, and I continued caring for her. She still called me “mommy.” But we had to go back to the previous legal arrangement with my parents having custody and Karen having visitation.

The adoption case went back through court. This time, instead of the judge deciding based on the paperwork and signing the order in his office… we had a trial because Karen has the right “to be heard.” Karen continued to oppose the adoption that day in court, and two of my stepsisters, who are Sara's aunts, also testified against the adoption and supported Karen's position.

Why I Kept the Adoption Process Private, AKA “Secret”

There was a reason I didn't tell my stepsisters or anyone outside the required circle of people giving consent and statements in support. I didn't have an obligation to notify anyone else; the judge said so. And I
know how they are; I didn’t want to end up in a courtroom pitted against each other.

Also, there had already been a legal battle over Sara when my parents got custody in the first place. Karen had to go to court to even have visitation. Not because people were trying to hurt Karen or cause chaos, but because Anna was estranged from Karen before giving birth and never wanted the two to meet. My parents were respecting that parental wish.

Karen was also very contentious and litigious during her divorce and custody battle with my stepdad 20 years ago, and my sisters went through a lot during that process. I saw it.

What Happened in Court

This was probably the most painful part for me. My stepsisters, whom I’ve known since they were age 4 and 5, testified against the adoption.

I have recordings, pictures, and other documentation that show that parts of their testimony were false. I believe they lied; no way it was a misremembering or issue of perspective. But we couldn't bring that up in
the moment at court. We had to let them talk and stay stone-faced.

One sister was particularly awful. She said “she is almost 30 and lives in her parents’ basement… She has PTSD from being in the military. She has been open about that with me and having PTSD.” in response to Karen’s
lawyer asking “what concerns do you have about [me] adopting the child?” For one, I’m over 30. Another, I only live there for the adoption and keeping Sara stable. Remember, I had a military career before crawling into this basement.

And holy cow, the audacity, to sit in a circuit court (in a very military-friendly area) and make PTSD into a reason not to be a parent. I also never did tell her anything about my mental health, but imagine if I did… what a betrayal.

The judge heard Karen's objection, including my stepsisters testifying against the adoption, and ultimately granted the adoption again. He actually said their testimony would have been appropriate for a
custody/visitation battle but not in an adoption court session.

Heavy on the “not appropriate.” I agree… something about bringing up your divorce/custody issues from 20 years ago sounds like something Karen needed to work out in therapy. It was also strange to hear complaining
about a pair of sunglasses being regifted… a little out of pocket for an adoption hearing.

Side note: I was entertained by the part of trial when Karen was pretty much called out for her bad reading comprehension… an email between us was read several times and she didn’t get it, she believed I said something that I did not. My lawyer read the email out loud and asked where I did the thing she says I did, eventually the judge stopped my lawyer and said “I can read what the letter says.”

 

 

What Happened With the Family Afterward

From what I understand, my stepsisters believe they love Sara and have said that they wanted her included in their lives. But they testified against the adoption, and I believe their testimony contained statements that were provably false.

There are also several behind-the-scenes issues including one sister ghosting completely (not even a happy Father's Day message to my stepdad) and the other screaming and texting/calling my parents with terrible
things to say about me and the adoption, including saying she will “never” see me as Sara's mom.

I can't know exactly what motivates them, but their mom appears to be a major source of the conflict. The bottom line appears to be that my step-sisters are hurt that I kept the adoption from them, their “full sister” chose me (an outsider apparently) and not them to take over with Sara, and that the adoption significantly changed their mother's role in Sara's life. I never shut them out; they visited a few times the last year and I just kept distance – they were welcome to visit with Sara, just not their mom. They talk and act like my cutting their mom off automatically means they are out too.

Why I Set Boundaries Now

Once someone testifies against me in court about my parenting, and I have evidence that some of what they said wasn't true, I'm obviously not going to just go back to normal afterward.

There is also a practical issue: Sara is still very young. She isn't asking to call these relatives, asking to see them, or expressing distress about not seeing them. She is happy, loved, and surrounded by family, friends, and people who care about her.

I don't think I should force relationships on a toddler because adults want access to her.

So for now, I have some boundaries around contact while I figure out who I actually trust around Sara.

 

So, Your Majesty, fellow potatoes, Reddit:

AITA for adopting my step-niece and cutting part of her family off?

And separately, AITA for limiting some extended-family access now because their involvement in the adoption process damaged my trust in them?

What do you think?