r/CharlotteDobreYouTube

The story is long, so I'll use bullet points where I can. Also, some details have been changed slightly or left out for privacy.

I have a friend, I'll call her Alexis. We've been friends for well over 10 years. We've helped each other through a lot and basically grew into adulthood together.

We had very different upbringings, although she doesn't really see it that way. One thing we did have in common is that neither of us grew up with much money. I'd say her family was usually a little better off than mine, but neither of us was wealthy.

Because of that, I've become very careful with money. I'm not rich by any means, but I save every month and occasionally spend on things that are important to me. Alexis is the opposite. She impulse buys a lot of things she doesn't really need. I know that comes from how she grew up, where spending money was heavily criticized, so I've never judged her for it. She also has kids, which obviously makes finances harder.

The issue is that there have been several events we've wanted to go to that cost money. Every time, Alexis says she can't afford it or will only buy the absolute cheapest tickets, even if they're so far away to the point where you can't see or have obstructed views. If we're going together, she expects me to do the same.

I've reached the point where I don't want to do that anymore. I'll still go to plenty of things with her, but if it's an event that's really important to me, I don't want to risk missing out or having a poor experience just to save money. We've talked about it before, and while she wasn't happy, I thought she understood.

Apparently not.

Recently, she went to a show with a mutual friend. I skipped it because even the discounted tickets were expensive, and I'd rather save that money for an upcoming trip.

At the show, Alexis apparently told our mutual friend that I was a bad friend. The mutual friend called me the next day because she was confused.

According to her, Alexis said:

• I don't support her
• I don't understand her financial struggles because I have money and she doesn't
• I had family help paying for school and she didn't (true, and I was very lucky)
• I'm intentionally excluding her from events because I know she can't afford them
• I don't even try to plan cheaper activities that fit her budget anymore

Our mutual friend suggested maybe we could focus on cheaper events for a while or help cover some costs occasionally.

I said no.

She asked why, since I've always seemed generous with other people too. So I explained that over the years I've already:

• Paid for groceries when she couldn't afford them
• Covered meals, event tickets, and admissions so we could spend time together
• Paid for her transportation to events, and sometimes her transportation in general
• Planned lower cost activities for years so she could be included, even when they weren't what everyone else wanted to do (we don't do this as much anymore because people are getting to the point where they want to try new things, not do the same thing all the time)
• Given clothes to both her and her kids
• Always bought birthday and holiday gifts for her and her kids
• Let her choose restaurants or activities based on what fit her budget whenever it was just the two of us (or I would find them based on her budget)

There's more, but those are the main examples.

Our mutual friend didn't know about most of that. She just said she'd rather stay out of it, which I completely understood.

A little while later, Alexis called me. She apologized for involving our mutual friend and said she'd just been venting because she was upset.

I asked what she had actually told her because I wanted to hear it from her directly.

She admitted she said she was disappointed that she couldn't come to an upcoming show because of other bills, and that she felt I wasn't being supportive because I wouldn't either skip the show myself or buy the cheapest seats at the very back.

For context, we've sat there before and you can barely see the stage. Regular tickets were about $200, while the cheapest ones were around $100. I told her I was sorry she couldn't come, but I'd been waiting two years for this show and wasn't going to spend that much money just to barely see it.

She started saying that I don't understand what she's going through financially and that they're really struggling.

That's when I finally got frustrated.

I asked why, if money was that tight, she'd recently bought expensive candles, decorative pillows, fancy blankets, and clothing items from Lululemon. I also pointed out that she'd known about this show for eight months and had plenty of time to save if it had been a priority.

She got angry. She said that ever since she had kids I've been less supportive and less willing to accommodate her. I reminded her of everything I'd done over the years, and she accused me of holding those things over her head. I told her I wasn't. I chose to do all of those things because I WANTED to. But I wasn't going to sit there and be called unsupportive after everything I'd done.

She hung up the phone.

We didn't speak for several days. Then she started texting me like nothing had happened. I didn't reply because I felt I was owed an apology. A few weeks later, she started sending messages asking if I was mad at her and saying she was sorry if she'd done something wrong, but she didn't know why I was pulling away. I still didn't respond, because I feel like she should know what the issue is.

Our mutual friend thinks I'm being a little harsh, but I don't think so. I feel like she owes me an apology. I stand by what I said. I'd hate to lose such a long friendship over this, but I'm also at a point in life where I don't want to deal with this kind of behaviour.

One last thing: another mutual friend told me Alexis made a cryptic IG post after our phone call about how people who truly love you will always go to the ends of the earth for you. I never saw it myself because it was deleted, so I can't confirm what it actually said.

So... AITA?

*For context this happened about a year ago but it still fumes me every time I think about it.*

I (27f) have a daughter (4f) with my ex (29m).

Our relationship was fine in the beginning but when we got the news early on that I was pregnant (2 months into the relationship) things started to slowly snowball downhill.

At our anatomy scan, a rare disorder was found that threatened our child’s life and the decision was made that I would be the parent that stayed home after our daughter’s birth to manage things.

Our daughter was born, she made it through the NICU, and we were finally home. She still needed around the clock care and medications but she survived and it was already more than we could have ever hoped for. But unfortunately for the relationship, this was where resentment started to grow.

Over time, the mutual decision for me to stay home and manage things slowly faded from my ex’s memory which, as you can imagine, started to cause rifts and issues between the two of us. Arguments about money, perceived freedom and privilege, etc. started to completely wreck the relationship. It all came to a head when I couldn’t take it anymore and started talking/venting to someone I dated prior. (A.k.a. Emotional cheating and I won’t waste your time justifying it- I know it was stupid and impulsive) We split and had our issues with coparenting but eventually got the hang of things.

Fast forward to last year- my ex started seeing someone new and I’ll admit I was standoffish at first. I only have one child and have never had to navigate a bonus mom/bio mom dynamic before but tried my best to go into it with an open mind. By the time we were finally able to meet face to face, she had already gotten pregnant fairly early into things and they were having some relationship issues. (anyone else sensing a pattern?) We made plans to meet for coffee to talk privately about my daughter and the expectations surrounding her care and parenting. The day came, I showed up, she claimed she was “just going to change clothes real quick” and that she would let me know when she was on the way- but as you can probably already guess, I didn’t hear from her until many hours later. That interaction unfortunately sealed the deal for me and I remained uneasy.

My ex and the new woman (we haven’t named her yet so let’s just call her Lilith) eventually married a few months later and the animosity between Lilith and I remained. She began to insert herself into coparenting moments and conversations, tried to advocate for my daughter when conversing with medical staff, and even went as far as to make a false claim of abuse to CPS. (The social worker who came to my home did nothing but compliment my motherhood the entire time so that did not work in Lilith’s favor, it was a sad day for her I’m sure.)

There have been a handful of other failed attempts to try and gain custody of my daughter since then (claiming my child’s the next Gypsy Rose and that I’m making it all up- for instance) but they have all ultimately been a dead end road for Lilith and my ex.

Now to what we are all here for- the blanket. My daughter has had the same blanket that she sleeps with every single night for her entire life. (All my baby blanket girlies unite in the comments- no shame here) She snuggles it tightly and even likes to suck on the silk tag or the corner of it for comfort as if it’s a pacifier. I’ll admit, it was starting to look a little worse for wear. But, I was keeping a close eye on it and had planned on replacing it once it became too dangerous for my daughter to suck on at night. I have a baby box with things from her NICU stay and other mementos that I have hoarded throughout her life and had planned on putting the original baby blanket in there for safe keeping and to look back on as she continues to grow.

The blanket would always go with my daughter wherever she went so it would go with her on her scheduled weekends with my ex/her father. On one of those weekends, Lilith decided to cut the entire tag off of the blanket and throw it away. I found it when I was unpacking her bag that evening after picking her up and immediately texted her to try to figure out why. Her excuses and replies ranged from “she would have choked on it eventually” and “it’s just a tag it’s not that big of a deal”.

All I could think of was how my daughter must have reacted when she was tucked into bed at their place and realized it was gone. Was she upset? Confused? Restless? I know it’s a blanket, “Kim, people are dying” and all, but it was her comfort. I felt sadness, rage, and a little bit of failure/guilt that I hadn’t just packed it away sooner.

A few hours go by, I’ve now told a few friends and close family members about it including my fiance, and a new wave of emotions creep in as they start to weigh in with their own theories. Was she actually worried about my child choking or was this just yet another thing she could do to me? Was it ever really about my child at all?

Fast forward to the present and we still have issues, we still can barely coparent, and Lilith still tries to throw wild accusations at me. A new blanket is being used but no longer travels and I have continued to be very selective of the things I include in my daughter’s bag when she goes to visit. Lilith’s campaigns against me are alive and well, she even made her whole social media presence about me, but I’ve gotten better at not allowing the noise to infect my life. My days have grown more peaceful as I’ve shifted that energy to just enjoying the life I have with my child, my fiance, and our crazy animals. There will however always be an empty spot in the baby box for blankie O.G. r.i.p

I (23F) am married to my husband (25M), and we have a beautiful little girl who turns one next month. We’re finally in a position where we’re looking to buy our first home.
The problem is… every time I look at our savings, all I can think about is the £11,000 my parents took from me.
When I was 18, I got my first full-time job. Instead of celebrating my independence, my parents took every single paycheck. By the time I was 20, they had taken around £11,000, leaving me with almost nothing.
I was told I was “helping family.”
The money wasn’t for bills. It wasn’t because we were struggling.
It was to buy my uncle a house.
My uncle has a gambling addiction, two children, and a disabled wife. I have absolutely nothing against my aunt she’s one of the kindest people I know but I couldn’t understand why an 18 year old was expected to financially support an entire family.
It got even worse.
My parents wanted the mortgage to be in my name.
At 18 years old.
They expected me to take on the legal responsibility for a house that wasn’t even for me. If I’d agreed, it could have affected my ability to buy my own first home one day.
Thankfully, my boyfriend at the time pointed out how dangerous that would be.
That was the first crack in everything I’d been taught to believe.
Then my parents found out I had a boyfriend.
Instead of talking to me, they had another family member tell me I was adopted.
Not my parents.
Not in private.
Just… someone else.
And suddenly, my entire childhood made sense.
Growing up, I was treated like the family servant. I cooked. I cleaned. I did whatever they wanted while everyone else got to be children.
If I was at work and they wanted me home, they’d actually call my workplace. Because my manager knew my mum, she’d send me home without question.
If I ever stood up for myself, my parents would tell everyone how lazy and ungrateful I was.
What they never told anyone was that they controlled me financially, manipulated me emotionally, and physically abused me behind closed doors.
Eventually, I refused to let them put the mortgage in my name.
I had three months before I left for university.
Those three months were absolute hell.
Every single day I was reminded how selfish I was.
How ungrateful I was.
How they’d “done everything” for me.
When I finally moved to university, I went low contact.
For the first time in my life…
I felt peace.
It lasted about six months.
Then one day, my parents showed up at my university accommodation without warning.
They stood outside and yelled at me, demanding I buy my uncle the house.
When I refused, they threatened me with the same thing they’d threatened me with for years:
“If you don’t do this, you’re not getting our house or the land in India.”
Here’s the thing…
I never wanted it.
I told them over and over that it was their property and they could leave it to whoever they wanted.
I just wanted them to stop using it to control me.
After that, I told accommodation security they were never to let my parents into the building again.
I cut contact.
About a year later, I met the man who’s now my husband.
He believed people could change.
He encouraged me to give my parents one last chance.
Against my better judgment…
I did.
After university, I moved back in with them.
Within days, they announced they were moving into the house they’d bought for my uncle.
I finally asked what had happened to my £11,000.
They didn’t deny it.
They openly admitted they’d used my money to help buy the house.
Then they looked me in the eye and told me that if I wanted to keep living with them, I’d also have to help pay the mortgage because my uncle didn’t have a job.
That was it.
I packed everything I owned and left.
I had nowhere to go.
The only place I could afford at such short notice was a room in a shared house full of men. I felt uncomfortable every single day, but it was still safer than staying with my parents.
Eventually, my husband and I saved enough to rent our own home.
Two years later, we welcomed our daughter.
She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Now we’re trying to buy our first house together.
And every time I see how much deposit we still need, I think about those two years of wages that were taken from me.
If I’d been allowed to keep the money I earned, we’d probably already own our home.
I’ve stayed no contact ever since.
I’ve spoken to a lawyer.
I have years of bank statements.
I even have bank security footage showing my mum pressuring me to transfer the money because I deliberately insisted on going into the bank instead of doing it online.
Apparently, I have a very strong legal case.
But I don’t want to spend years in court.
I don’t want the stress.
Most importantly, I don’t want these people anywhere near my daughter.
I refuse to let her grow up believing that love means fear, guilt, or financial control.
So I’m thinking of sending one final message with my bank details saying:
“Transfer the £11,000 you took from me into this account. I don’t want a conversation. I just want my money back.”
My husband supports whatever decision I make.
Some people have told me to just forget the money and move on.
Others say I’m owed every penny.
So…
AITA for asking my parents to give me back the £11,000 they took from me all those years ago?

My ex (M-38) and I (F-39) were together for about three years. During that time, he spent roughly one year living in New York. Here’s the part that makes me feel guilty. About five months into the relationship, I realized I didn’t see a future with him. I had even planned to meet up with him to end things, but before I could, he lost his job. I felt terrible kicking someone while they were already down, so I stayed.

A few months later, he found another job, and I thought, “Okay, now I can finally end this.” Then he got evicted and had to move in with his dad. Again, I felt like the timing was awful, so I stayed.

Eventually, he was getting back on his feet, and I decided I really needed to end the relationship. That’s when he got a call that his brother had suffered multiple seizures and was critically ill. He moved back to New York to be with his family.

I told him I didn’t want a long-distance relationship and thought this was the right time to end things. He begged me to stay, saying he really needed me. I agreed, even though I knew in my heart I didn’t want to continue the relationship.

I’ll admit something that probably doesn’t make me look great: I actually prayed for a way out of the relationship. I’m not even a religious person, but I felt trapped and didn’t know how to leave without feeling like a terrible person.

A year into the long-distance part of our relationship, his brother passed away. The strange part is that I didn’t even know he’d died until two weeks later because my ex never told me. His sister contacted me asking why I hadn’t come to the funeral, and I had to explain that no one had told me his brother had passed.

When my ex came back to town, we talked. He said he needed me more than ever. Once again, I felt guilty leaving someone who had just lost his brother.

About a month later, I realized something that changed everything for me. His brother had died on my son’s birthday. Since I hadn’t known at the time, I’d celebrated my son’s birthday normally. But going forward, every year that date would mean grieving and supporting my ex through one of the worst days of his life while also trying to celebrate my son’s birthday. I realized I couldn’t do both. My son comes first. He deserves to have birthdays that are about celebrating him, not sharing them with a tragedy. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t be the partner my ex deserved if I wasn’t emotionally able to support him through such a painful anniversary every year.

So I ended the relationship. I apologized for his loss and told him I couldn’t continue the relationship. I explained that his brother’s death occurred on my son’s birthday, and I couldn’t spend every future birthday dividing my emotional energy between celebrating my son and reliving his grief. My son deserved to have his birthday remain a happy occasion, and I knew I couldn’t be the partner he needed.

I know people are probably wondering why I didn’t just leave sooner. Honestly, I ask myself that too. The truth is I tried several times. Every time I was ready, another major crisis happened—he lost his job, then got evicted, then his brother became critically ill, and then his brother passed away. I stayed because I felt guilty, not because I wanted to continue the relationship. Looking back, I realize staying out of guilt only made things worse for both of us.

So, AITAH?

AITAH for refusing to meet my friend's boyfriend?

I (39M) have been best friends with my 38F friend for about 24 years. Her parents are basically my second set of parents. A few months ago, she met her boyfriend (29M) on TikTok. They started a long‑distance relationship with back‑and‑forth visits; she flew up to him some weekends, he flew down to her others. After a few months, he arranged a job transfer and moved; not just to her town, but straight into her house.

Rewinding a bit to before his move: there were already red flags. On his first visit, he had her install a tracking app “to follow his flight.” Later, he used it to monitor her every move. She told me how he scolded her for staying out late with friends on a Friday night. Then, the following evening (Saturday), he suddenly announced it was “his turn” to go out, despite never mentioning any weekend plans before. That night, he ignored her calls and texts completely. It was only when she messaged something like “enjoy your evening out” (i.e., showing she wasn’t bothered by his punishment) that he suddenly started talking again. Turns out, he hadn’t even gone out, he just wanted to punish her.That was just one example among several red flags. I could have sucked it up and ignored those for her sake if she wanted me to, had it not been for the one red flag that directly affected me.

For context: I’m gay. Not bi, not “on a spectrum”, just gay. A few months before he moved in, my friend casually mentioned his homophobic views. He was involved with the Freemasons (his version was supposedly just prayer gatherings). Another friend told her they were “devil worshippers,” so she asked him to quit. His response? If he left, then they should live according to the Bible; which meant she could no longer be friends with me, because “the Bible says....” (I am not able to refer to violence in this thread, but I trust you can imagine what he was referring to with reference to gay people). I immediately told her: don’t ever expect me to be friends with someone who openly wishes bad things to happen to me. She basically ignored that.

Later, once his job transfer and move were already arranged (just days before he moved in), she excitedly said she couldn’t wait for me to meet him and join them for weekends at her parents’ beach house (something we used to do often). I reminded her of his homophobia and said there would be no weekends away with all of us together. That’s when she started making excuses: That I misunderstood him; That he didn’t mean it like that; That he hadn’t specifically said I should be ****** but “gays in general” (even though he knew full well I’m gay); That “he just said how Father sees it”, which struck me, because she’s never used the word “Father” in a religious sense before. None of those excuses change the fact that he openly wished for bad things to happen to me (perhaps he would not personally take such actions whilst it is against the law, but how can I know for sure that he will never take lesser actions against me).

I’m generally thick‑skinned, but I don’t waste my energy on homophobic idiots. Spending time with him would be deeply uncomfortable and awkward. I don’t want to sit across from someone who thinks I deserve bad things to happen to me, pretending everything is fine. That’s not just unpleasant, it’s potentially unsafe. So why should I spend my time with someone like that?

My friend thinks I’m wrong for refusing to meet him and that am I effectively throwing away our friendship. AITAH for refusing to meet him?

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 15 years now. He has an older brother and younger sister. The family is close and family gatherings happen every month to celebrate birthdays/anniversary. I honestly love it as I didn’t come from a very close family. In the beginning sister inlaw would make small once in awhile statements of her being the family favorite as a joke/punchline. However almost 15 years later it’s evolved into something more and it’s worn out it’s funny and dipping into cringe/annoying as she brings it up at every gathering more than once now. She even bought her parents “my daughter is the best” and “awesome like my daughter” shirts. Her brothers just eye-roll and don’t give it attention. I do the same…until the 4th of July gathering this year. My father in law wore “awesome like my daughter” shirt after getting out of the lake and as I was talking and joking with him about all the inflatables he had to blow up, then my sister-in-law comes up, points to his shirt and says “this says daughter. Not daughter in law.” I was very confused and my father inlaw just chuckled and I just looked at both of them with a smirk and let the awkwardness hang in the air then I walked away. Told my husband what happened and he wasn’t shocked. We, along with his brother don’t know how to handle the situation so we just let in hang there and let her have her moment she craves. But it’s at the point we don’t want to be around my husband’s parents or his sister and family because it feels like a competition with everything including our kids now.

I will give her credit, she is involved with helping or hanging out with many of the individual family members. She has even helped me out on a few occasions. Love her to pieces but maybe this is normal sibling dynamics? I only have an older brother and we are estranged since my teen years. So maybe this is normal but how can I possibly gently but firmly tell her to calm down with the remarks and competition vibe she is giving off now? The older family members just chuckle when she says this stuff but I’m almost 40 and it’s just not funny to a handful of us anymore. I feel like one little clever comeback in front of a few people will knock off this complex she seems to have.

Will mention I am the only daughter in law. Husbands older brother is divorced, no kids and sister in law has a husband and two kids under 8. While my kids are 19 and 12. Not sure if that paints the full picture. At times I feel like maybe I’m just being annoyed because pre menopause but I can’t even have a conversation with my father/mother inlaw without being reminded sister inlaw is the favorite? Am I being crazy for feeling this way and just shrug it off? Is this just normal to go on for years? Or am I justified to believe this is a bit nutty?

Would also like to add that Everytime I post anything positive about my kids in the family chat, sister inlaw has to follow up with something of her kids right after or sarcastically make a comment about whatever I’m sharing. I don’t usually talk or add anything to the chat other than a positive update maybe 2-3 times a month and on everyone else’s updates or comments I usually do a thumbs up or heart emoji because there are 27 family members in this chat. It’s what most of the family does to acknowledge 95% of the updates unless someone is asking a question. The last thing I posted was my youngest getting 3 school achievement awards and her comment was “It’s just middle school.” But again, I feel like this whole complex is weird and I don’t understand. Is it me? Or am I normal to feel this way. The family makes it seem normal behavior. I don’t know how to process this right now.

Two weeks later, I married my best friend.
Despite everything that had happened, I was determined not to let the wedding be overshadowed.
ABC kept her word.
Even though she was A’s best friend and had been caught directly in the middle of all of this, she still stood beside me as one of my personal attendants. I know that couldn’t have been an easy position for her, and I’ll always appreciate that she followed through.
The wedding itself was everything I had dreamed of.
I married the love of my life.
I smiled.
I laughed.
I danced.
And I truly had one of the best days of my life.
But I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments where I noticed someone missing.
For almost ten years, I’d imagined A standing beside me.
She’d been part of almost every chapter of my adult life.
We met in high school.
We became college roommates.
When I moved to another town, she moved there too.
When I moved to my current town, she and AB actually lived with my husband and me for about a year.
She wasn’t just another bridesmaid.
She had become family.
So even though I refused to let it ruin my wedding, there was still a quiet sadness knowing she wasn’t there.
About a week after our wedding, my husband and I got the happiest surprise.
I was pregnant.
After everything we’d gone through over the previous few weeks, it felt like life was finally giving us something joyful.
We were so excited.
Unfortunately, that excitement didn’t last long.
The following week, I miscarried.
I don’t think I realized until afterward just how emotionally exhausted I already was.
Within the span of only a few weeks, I’d lost one of my closest friendships, gotten married, found out I was pregnant, and then lost that pregnancy.
It honestly felt like my emotions had nowhere left to go.
Around that same time, I found out something that completely changed how I looked back on my friendship with A.
I learned that conversations I’d believed were private between the two of us had apparently been shared with AB’s mom.
Not just once.
Not because of the wedding.
Apparently for about a year and a half.
On top of that, I learned that AB’s mom had been repeating some of those conversations to other people.
That honestly hurt almost more than anything else.
It wasn’t that A had another person she talked to.
Everyone deserves someone they can confide in.
It was that I had absolutely no idea deeply personal conversations I’d shared with someone I considered my best friend weren’t staying between us.
Looking back, it suddenly explained why certain people seemed to know things about my life that I’d never told them.
It also made me rethink that very first fight at ABC’s bridal shower.
At the time, I’d thought we simply disagreed about whether it was okay to tell ABC about my wedding stress.
Now I was realizing that maybe our definitions of “private” had been completely different for a long time.
A few days after my miscarriage, I also heard something that confused me.
Two of our mutual friends told me that after A found out I’d miscarried, she had called both of them.
One of them later told me they felt like A was almost upset that they hadn’t told her when it happened.
I wasn’t part of those conversations.
I don’t know exactly what A said or what she meant.
I only know what I was told afterward.
But I remember thinking…
You chose not to be at my wedding.
You never responded after everything that happened.
You walked away from our friendship.
Why would you expect to immediately know about one of the hardest moments of my life?
A couple of weeks after my miscarriage, after I’d had time to process everything, I finally sent A one last message.
Not because I expected us to become friends again.
Not because I wanted another argument.
Honestly…
I just didn’t want a friendship that had lasted almost ten years to end without saying everything I needed to say.
I told her how deeply she’d hurt me.
I told her how betrayed I felt after learning that conversations I’d believed were private had apparently been shared for so long.
I told her I couldn’t understand how someone who had lived with my husband and me, who had seen our relationship every single day, could genuinely believe I’d forced him into marrying me.
I told her how much it hurt hearing accusations that I was after his money or his family’s land.
I told her that none of those things sounded like the person I thought she knew.
I also told her something else.
The first fight wasn’t what ended our friendship for me.
People fight.
Friends say things they regret.
I had absolutely lost my temper that night.
I’d called her a bitch.
I’d said something hurtful.
I’d apologized for all of it.
I’d taken responsibility for my part.
I’d tried to understand hers.
What ended our friendship wasn’t one drunken fight.
It was everything that came afterward.
It was being told she didn’t support my marriage.
It was hearing she’d apparently been sharing private conversations for over a year.
It was watching her quietly change an RSVP instead of having one final conversation with me.
It was feeling like I’d lost someone who had been part of nearly every major chapter of my life without ever really understanding why.
I ended the message by telling her I wasn’t asking for an apology.
I wasn’t asking for a response.
I simply needed to say goodbye to someone I’d once believed would always be part of my life.
She never answered.
Not a word.
To this day, we’re still in the same group chat.
She talks in it regularly.
Life goes on.
And every now and then I’ll see her name pop up, and for just a second my brain forgets everything that happened.
Then I remember.
Sometimes I still wonder if I completely missed years of resentment.
Sometimes I wonder if wedding stress simply brought out things we’d both been ignoring.
Sometimes I wonder if there was something else happening that I’ll never know about.
I don’t think either of us handled every moment perfectly.
I know I didn’t.
But after almost ten years of friendship, I never imagined we’d end this way.
Sometimes I don’t even know if I miss A anymore.
I think what I really miss is the friendship I thought we had.
And maybe that’s the hardest part of all.
So if you’ve read this far…
What do you think happened?
Because after all this time…
I’m still trying to figure it out too.

Me (24F) and my BFF (23F) have been friends since 2021. We first met at work; at first, I didn't like her, but later we started to grow closer as friends. I would give her gifts, and she would do the same. I was very supportive too. We both liked K-pop, so our first outing outside of work was going to see Ateez in Nashville. After that we started going to visit each others home (I was at hers more then she was at mine) It was solid, but during our friendship it seemed like I was paying for everything, although I didn't notice it, when she'd ask for money because she gave one of her family member's money and she was broke since that member didn't pay her back and it was the same family member. I'd send her money so she could support herself. Once I quit my job and changed to a better-paying one, she'd show me concerts that we would love to go to, but she'd never pay it was always me. She'd bring cash knowing the merch tables don't accept cash, and she'd ask me to pay for her and promised to pay me back. (Which she never did) This continued for a while; I'd go to her home and sleep over. Until her birthday came along and she ghosted me, saying we needed a break because our friendship was going in a different direction. I didn't know how; I always called and texted, but as my work got busier and busier, I could only text her a few times or call once a day. I never even noticed I was the one starting the texts or the calls. So we stopped talking for 4 months, and then I decided to fix our friendship. As it was being rekindled, it was going great; we'd talk like we used to, but right after I paid for her school, she started saying, "I don't think our friendship is going anywhere." I also forgot to mention that whenever I said no to giving her money, she'd ghost me for a whole week. I asked her question after question on how to fix our friendship, and she said, "I hate repeating myself; you know what you should do to grow our friendship." I just gave up; if she easily gets mad at me for not calling her 24/7, what's the point of having her as a friend? Also, to add, I have other friends, and she gets mad that I hang out with them and am wilder with them than her (because she hates being in crowded places or even talking to people). So am I overreacting for ignoring my best friend?

For almost a month after our first fight, I genuinely believed everything was okay again.
Not perfect, but okay.
If anything, I thought our friendship had become stronger because we’d finally had the difficult conversation we’d probably needed for a long time.
We joked over text again.
She was still helping with wedding planning.
She designed my table numbers.
She helped me figure out room assignments.
She still brought up wedding things all the time.
Nothing about our conversations made me think she was planning to leave my wedding.
Then, about two weeks before my wedding, everything changed.
A group of us were out one night at the bar where A bartended.
At one point during the evening, I was talking with the owner of the bar. I’d bartended before, and I told him that I honestly missed it sometimes and would love to help bartend again if he ever needed someone.
That was the conversation.
I wasn’t talking about A.
I wasn’t complaining about A.
I wasn’t criticizing how she bartended.
I was simply talking about how I’d enjoyed bartending in the past and thought it would be fun to do again.
Somehow, that conversation turned into something completely different.
Someone told AB that I’d been talking badly about A to the owner of the bar.
I was completely blindsided because it wasn’t even remotely close to what had happened.
Thankfully, the owner himself corrected everyone. He explained exactly what had actually been said and confirmed that I’d only been talking about how I’d like to bartend again someday.
I honestly thought that would put an end to it.
Instead, everything escalated.
Later that night, I found out AB had been telling people that A had only stayed in my wedding because she was afraid of my “wrath.”
He also said he was only in the wedding because my husband was his friend and that he didn’t actually like me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said.
I didn’t want to hear it secondhand.
I wanted to hear it directly from A.
So later that night, I asked if we could talk privately.
We ended up in the bathroom together.
I asked her if what AB had been saying was true.
She told me she didn’t feel like she should be in my wedding anymore.
I honestly thought she meant because of everything that had happened a month earlier.
Instead, she looked at me and said she didn’t support my marriage.
I remember just staring at her.
I asked what she meant because I genuinely couldn’t understand where this was coming from.
That’s when she told me she didn’t think I should marry my husband because she believed I’d forced him into getting married.
I was speechless.
My husband and I had been together for years.
We’d been engaged for over a year and a half.
We’d lived together.
We’d built a home together.
On top of that, A and AB had actually lived with us for about a year.
If anyone had seen what our relationship looked like behind closed doors, it was them.
So I asked her why she believed that.
Her examples completely shocked me.
She said I’d picked out my own engagement ring.
She said I’d picked it up from the jeweler myself.
From her perspective, those things showed that I was controlling the relationship.
From my perspective, they were just practical decisions.
My husband wanted me to pick out my own ring because I was the one who would wear it for the rest of my life.
He also asked me to pick it up because the jeweler was over an hour and a half away and I was already going to be in that town.
Looking back, I honestly don’t think I’d ever explained those details to A. I probably just joked that I had picked it up myself.
But hearing someone use those things as evidence that I’d forced my husband into marriage absolutely crushed me.
I left that bathroom feeling numb.
Later that same night, while I wasn’t around, AB was talking privately with my husband.
According to my husband, AB told him that people thought I was a gold digger.
He brought up prenups.
He brought up my husband’s family farmland.
My husband immediately defended me.
He pointed out that I’d come into our relationship with virtually no debt besides my car, which I’d paid off within the first few months of us living together years earlier.
He also pointed out that my own family owns farmland, so the idea that I was marrying him for land or money didn’t even make sense to him.
Whether that changed AB’s opinion, I don’t know.
But my husband made it very clear he didn’t agree with anything that was being said.
I went home that night hoping maybe everyone just needed time to cool off.
The next morning, I opened our wedding website.
That’s when I saw it.
A hadn’t called me.
She hadn’t texted me.
She hadn’t come to talk to me.
She had simply changed her RSVP from Accept to Decline.
That was how I found out my best friend of almost ten years had dropped out of my wedding.
Not through a conversation.
Not through a phone call.
Not even through a text message.
Just… a changed RSVP.
Shortly afterward, AB also withdrew from the wedding.
I remember sitting there staring at my phone trying to process what had just happened.
The woman who had lived with me.
Who had stood beside me through almost every major milestone of my adult life.
Who had told me a month earlier that she still wanted to be my bridesmaid.
Was suddenly gone.
After A dropped out, the next person I thought about was ABC.
She was one of my personal attendants, but she was also A’s best friend.
I knew she had been placed in an incredibly uncomfortable position.
I reached out to her and told her that after everything that had happened, I would completely understand if she no longer felt comfortable being part of my wedding.
She didn’t hesitate.
She told me she was still standing beside me.
That meant more to me than she’ll probably ever know.
Not long after that, I texted A.
Just four words.
“You broke my heart.”
She replied,
“You have broken mine too.”
A still came over one last time to drop off the table numbers she’d made for my wedding.
We didn’t really talk.
She handed them to me, and that was the last time I ever saw someone I’d once considered one of my closest friends.
Two weeks later…
I got married without her standing beside me.

So today I came out of a shop and started walking towards my car when I could see the car parked next to mine had the passenger door open and leaning onto my car. Now she wasn’t getting in she was sat there eating with the door open pressed against my car. When I pressed the key to open and the ring mirrors sprung out, the girl quickly shut the door.

I then walk round the front of my car (I had been parked said car had pulled in front ways) and the Mum was putting shopping into the boot of the car. The car was quite an angle and the wheel was on the white line. My car was right in the middle of the parking space bay.
I said to her the car door has been open leaning into my car. I then went and inspected the door to see if I had any marks. She came up to me and said are there any marks? And I said ‘I’m doing a quick inspection’. She then said ‘my daughter is only 17 and she’s just learning to drive’ (there were Learner plates) I then looked at the girl who was sat eating McDonald’s in the passenger seat and said ‘well she’s not driving she’s in the passenger seat’. The Mum then replied ‘yes, but she drove in’. I replied that their parking is really bad, that it’s not my fault if she didn’t have room. The Mum then continued in her boot and said ‘well if you want, I can give you my insurance details’. I said ‘no, I don’t think we need to do that’.

As I got to my door, she then doubled down and said ‘look she’s just learning to drive. She’s only 17. You should be a nice person’. To which I replied, ‘I am a nice person but I don’t think it’s very nice to have your car door open and pressing into somebody else’s car, potentially damaging it’. She replied to tell me that I was not a nice person and that she is only 17… I’m sorry I remember being 17 and having respect for other peoples things. To which I said ‘I don’t care that your daughter is 17, she’s old enough to know that that’s wrong. I have a two-year-old and I wouldn’t let her hit our car door into somebody else’s car’. She then carried on saying stuff to me to which I then replied ‘Maybe you’re just a bad Mum’. I mean I probably shouldn’t have said that at the end but she would not let this go and at no point did she apologise or ask her near enough adult daughter (old enough to drive) to apologise to me. She just went into defence mode.

I should say that the mum wasn’t a nasty person. She came across as a nice soft spoken person, but possibly the kind of mum that her daughter could do no wrong. There was no acknowledging that it was the wrong thing to do. To me it came across as a spoiled child who seemed to think that it was okay to do so.

Edit FYI there was a small mention of ketchup on the car, taken this out as it seems to have been a pin point for some comments and it was such a tiny part. At no point did either of us just stop talking and the other started any ‘big speeches’ speech was continuous and to be fair neither of us were backing down.
Lastly I am on a heck load of IVF meds and so I was possibly over sensitive, but most worried about calling her a bad mum as I do feel bad for that as that’s not something I should have said.

So am I the A-hole?

This last holiday season my family did things different than we have done in 36 years. We all kind of did our own things because my grandmother was sick and my grandparents were not up to hosting the holidays like they have my whole life. This was totally fine with my husband and I so we could focus on our own little family without feeling rushed around to be elsewhere. The weekend after Christmas my husband and I took our two boys to my parents house to open their christmas presents and hang out for the day.

Within 20-30 minutes of being there my dad started talking to my husband and I about a family vacation he wants to plan for the family (my little fam, my youngest brothers fam, my parents, & my middle brother w/ his son) October 2026. He wanted all of us to go to Florida for a week to hang out with extended fam (my dad’s oldest sister & all her kids and grandkids). My husband and I were on board until he started talking about accommodations.

My dad started talking about getting an AirBNB and the cost being split 5 ways (each family unit pays a portion). [A little back story, my middle brother and his son live with my parents 100% free. My middle brother has no job, not sure how he could pay his way but not my monkey not my circus.]

I simply said No & my dad lost his s**t. Immediately started yelling to get out of his f***ing house, that I am no longer part of the fam, the works! So with my children in tears because they didn’t even get to open their Christmas presents, I said “say less”, packed my family back up in the car and left.

My mom didn’t do anything to stop it, just let it happen. So I went to my safe place, my grandparents house (my moms parents) to let my kids open their gifts.

Had my dad given me the time of day to speak he would have learned that I wasn’t saying no to going all together, I was saying no to sharing an AirBNB with everyone due to issues that have occurred when we shared AirBNB’s previously. My dad immediately assumed it was because my middle brother and his fling at the time would be going. This was also the second time my dad had kicked me and my family out of the house because of issues with my middle brother (him & I do not get along).

So AIO for choosing to go no contact with my dad over him kicking us out? PS we do still see each other at family functions because other family members invite my parents & im not going to force my choices on others. I just ignore the fact my dad is there. my children on the other hand do not ever let him forget he kicked us out on Christmas EVERY time they see him.

So this is a long story, but I’ve been waiting patiently to finally be able to tell it. So please bare with me..First off, my Mom was the most fiercely loving, supportive, strong and caring human being I’ve ever known. Unfortunately, because she was so loving and caring she got into a relationship with a Narcissist, he was so good at pretending he was a good guy, we all loved him. A year into their relationship he got cancer and she drove to his house every day after work to take care of him, this was an hour ride. They even got married because he needed health insurance, but also because she did infact love him. My mom sold our child hood home and bought a home for them on a beautiful lake, they became so involved in their neighborhood.. shortly after, Covid hit. Now this is when it all began to unravel. We would see him lash out on my mom, when all she truly did was work and take care of him, AND be an amazing mother to us & Mimi to her grandkids. I won’t go fully into the abuse but for example, I walked into my mom’s house to pick my son up.. my moms ex was holding a rag over his hand, a plate was shattered by his feet and my son was visibly shaken as my mother was crying trying to pretend that she wasn’t. He had smashed the plate on the table after yelling at her because she didn’t wait for him while she needed to take my son (5 at the time) to the bathroom. I had seen him behave in this way a few times but I made it clear my son wouldn’t be going there if he behaves like that again and he apologized. Obviously, he got worse.

My mom ended up having to get two separate restraining orders on this “man” and was desperately trying to divorce him.. he made it extremely hard for her to do so. Consistently missing court dates and pushing things off just to carry his abuse out through out the court system.

Now to the horrific night that has changed our family’s lives forever.

This is still incredibly hard to even type out, but my Moms story should be told.

The morning of Jan 11th 2025.. I talked to my mom on the phone, I was supposed to go celebrate my 600 days of sobriety with her after work (she had saved my life and got me into treatment for alcoholism right after the ex left her) I had also lived on a lake about an hour away from hers.. it was half frozen. She was talking to me telling me how she planed on going out for a walk with her dogs later on and I had told her that she should absolutely not go on to the lake, that there’s no way it’s safe.

But she wanted to go do something that she loved, and there was no stopping her from a good walk. She even snap chatted us to tell us it was beautiful and safe. I still have it on my phone.

Later on I was too tired from work and had tried to call my mom and tell her that I would drive up tomorrow morning and celebrate with her then. No answer, I checked her location.. she was out on the lake. I thought maybe she just can’t hear the phone ring or dropped it on her walk.

I was mid conversation with my boyfriend when I received a text that had flipped my world upside down.. “Devin; I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, please let me know if you need anything”
I dropped everything and was calling them to ask where she was, did she fall? Is she hurt? Where do I need to go to get to her? … they where quiet for a moment and told me she was gone. At the same time, my brother called me.. he was there. On the scene. As I screamed into my phone asking if it was true and it can’t be.. my brother fought through the tears and told me we lost her. She had fallen through the ice, they couldn’t find her. My Mom, My sons Mimi, My hero an the woman that saved my life was gone. Our world had completely shattered. My brother is a First responder down in our childhood town and they were able to get ahold of him so he could get up there… he was there all night while they searched.. he never left her. For him, and his best friend, I’m forever grateful and the entire community coming together and taking care of us during the worst time in our lives. My brothers co worker came to get me at my house, and broke the news to my son and his father because I couldn’t.. he took us to my brothers home, and we were surrounded by his friends making sure we were okay… even though we very much were not. Another had gone to get my sister from the airport after she flew over night with her now husband to get here. I wanted to go when they recovered her but my brother told me I could but he didn’t want me to see that.. I stayed at his house waiting for my sister… they recovered our mother early the next morning.. my brother was there with my aunt and his best friend. It was real, she was gone.

My Mom fell, and when she did she actually swam for twenty minutes and called her friend/neighbor for help.. her friend was there with her trying her best to help her.. she did get herself out but when rescue came she was hypothermic and the ice was weak, her and the fire fighter crashed through the ice and that’s when they lost her.. that man almost lost his life as well and has carried the weight of that night with him as well and I have so much love for him for trying to save her.

The following weeks were honestly just a blur of pure agony.. the last time I went to my moms house I laid in her bed and cried while holding on to her dogs that where also so scared with out their mom.

Not even a week after, my siblings and I were served by her “almost ex husband” stating that we can’t go to our mother’s home. He blocked us from being able to not just get her things but from being able to grieve our mother the way we should have been able too. He wanted to protect his marital assets that he actually didn’t pay a dime of his on money for. My mom had two jobs supporting them while he “retired”

He was mad that we didn’t allow him at the funeral because he had abused our mother. Well over 900 people showed up for our mother at her wake alone, the church was over flowing with people that loved her. I’m pretty sure if anyone saw him, he would have been swiftly escorted out. So I believe he was mad he wasn’t included and decided to continue the abuse he did to our mother and have us as his next victims. The children that just lost their mother in one of the most traumatic ways possible. Because that’s the kind of guy he is. He threw out most of her belongings and sold the house she loved.. we got one hour to get some of her things.. with the lights off and no running water while his lawyer rushed us out of her home.. child hood photos gone, our children’s first Christmas ornaments gone, family china passed down for generations gone.. and so so so mucb more. he made sure he could try and take as much away from us as he could. All while he posted videos on his youtube making jokes about our late mother, all lies. Even went as far to use one of the things I had done in my past while i was still drinking and said it was her.. it was w me. I’ve been sober for over 3 years now and it frustrates me to have him try and twist the story in his standup.. but alas.. it is I that loved wine and tequila… not my Mom.

We’re finally done with court now, so I’m able to write this out and share it which was very therapeutic to be honest, even though I’m crying on my couch replaying every moment in my head. I feel like it’s a story that needs to be told.

He lost, and the judge was appalled by his behavior towards us and our family took on the brunt of the court things to protect us as much as possible. Forever thankful for them and everyone that helped us along the way🫶🏻

And for anyone wondering about the dogs
We had help from her neighbors to find homes for her dogs, none of us were able to keep them but, they are in happy homes and well cared for.

I can update more later but I think this post was long enough for now

I’ve gone back and forth on whether to post this because it’s honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. I know every story has two sides, and I’m sure this one does too. I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m right. I genuinely want outside opinions because everyone in my real life either knows me or knows her.
For privacy, I’m going to call my former best friend A, her boyfriend AB, another close friend ABC, and my now husband will simply be “my husband.”
A and I met in high school while working together.
We clicked almost immediately and became really close. After graduation, we ended up becoming college roommates. Later, when I moved to another town, A decided to move there too, and I actually found us a place to live.
A few years later, when I moved to the town where I live now, A and AB actually moved in with my now husband and me. The four of us lived together for about a year.
She wasn’t just one of my bridesmaids.
She had been part of almost every major chapter of my adult life.
She knew my family.
She knew my relationship.
She had literally lived with my husband and me.
I honestly believed she’d be one of those lifelong friends who would someday know my children.
When I got engaged, there wasn’t even a question about asking her to be a bridesmaid.
For some context, my husband and I had been together for years and were engaged for over a year and a half before we got married. We’d built a life together long before the wedding.
Everything started about six weeks before my wedding.
One of my close friends, ABC, had her bridal shower. ABC was one of my personal attendants, and A happened to be ABC’s Maid of Honor.
After the shower, a group of us decided to go bar hopping.
Everything was completely normal until we got to one of the bars.
Out of nowhere, ABC and several members of her family started talking to me about how stressed I’d been over planning my wedding.
Immediately, I felt embarrassed.
Not because I hadn’t been stressed—I absolutely had been—but because I had never vented to ABC about those feelings.
The only person I’d really been confiding in was A.
So when multiple people suddenly knew details about how overwhelmed I’d been feeling, I immediately felt like private conversations had been shared.
I remember asking everyone to stop talking about it.
Not once.
Not twice.
Honestly, I remember asking at least five different times because I was overwhelmed and wanted the conversation to end.
It didn’t.
A even joined in.
Eventually everyone left for another bar.
A and I rode together, and I figured it was the perfect opportunity to clear the air.
I told her that I felt hurt because I believed she’d shared conversations I’d trusted her with.
She didn’t deny talking to ABC.
Instead, she explained that ABC had been stressing about her own wedding and that she’d been trying to calm her down by using my stress as an example of what not to do. From her perspective, she wasn’t gossiping—she was trying to help her best friend.
She also told me she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong.
I didn’t agree.
Those conversations had been private to me.
But I also didn’t want to spend someone else’s bridal shower arguing, so I dropped it.
When we got to the next bar, I noticed ABC seemed quieter than she had been earlier.
I genuinely thought something was wrong.
I wanted her to enjoy her own bridal shower, so I tried checking on her.
Later, A told me I’d completely misunderstood the situation and that ABC was simply socially exhausted after being around people all day.
Maybe I had misunderstood.
Either way, my intention really was just to make sure she was okay.
Then, completely out of nowhere, A looked at me and said I’d been acting like my sister…
“…for a while.”
I honestly don’t know how to explain why that hurt so much without diving into family history.
Being compared to my sister by someone I loved and trusted was probably one of the most painful things she could have said to me.
I completely lost my temper.
I called her a bitch.
I’m not proud of that.
I shouldn’t have said it.
I also remember saying something along the lines of,
“If you really feel that way about me, then why would you even want to be in my wedding?”
She took that as me kicking her out of the wedding.
Looking back, I understand why she interpreted it that way.
That wasn’t what I intended in the moment, but I completely understand why she heard it that way.
The next morning, I woke up feeling awful.
I reached out and apologized.
I apologized for calling her a bitch.
I apologized for how the night ended.
Over the next several days, we had some of the longest conversations we’d ever had.
She told me she’d been bottling things up for a long time.
She said she felt judged by me.
She said my personality had become overly critical.
She gave me actual examples.
She said she’d felt judged when I questioned why she wanted such a short engagement.
She brought up comments I’d made about her eyebrows.
She said she felt like whenever she shared exciting news with me, I’d immediately jump into problem-solving mode instead of just being excited with her.
Reading those messages hurt because none of those moments had ever been intended that way.
But intentions don’t erase how someone feels.
Instead of arguing with her, I thanked her for giving me examples.
I admitted that my wedding had probably taken over too much of my life.
I admitted that I’m naturally very practical and that what I see as helping can absolutely come across as criticism.
I even admitted that because we’d all been drinking that night, I might not remember every detail exactly as it happened.
I asked if we could meet in person because texting felt like the worst possible way to work through something like this.
Unfortunately, that never happened.
Eventually, because wedding deadlines don’t stop for friendship problems, I had to ask the practical question.
Did she still want to be my bridesmaid?
She told me yes.
Honestly…
I cried.
I truly believed we’d just saved our friendship.
For the next month, everything seemed normal again.
We joked over text.
She was still helping me with wedding things.
She designed my table numbers.
She helped me with room assignments.
We laughed.
We made plans.
She still talked about the wedding.
From my perspective, we’d gotten through the hardest part.
I genuinely believed our friendship was okay again.
I had absolutely no idea that two weeks before my wedding, everything was about to completely fall apart.

Hi, potatoes! Real quick for context, the people in this post are me, my friend, and my boyfriend. For anonymity purposes I will be Apple (20f), my friend will be Mango (20f) and my boyfriend will be Tomato (20m)

Anyway, to start I would like to say I do not condone body shaming!!! I do not do it to other others, and I expect others, mostly my friends, Family, and other people I’m extremely close with not to do it to me. I don’t think that is too tough of an ask. For some slightly more specific context, I weigh roughly 175, and Mango, weights about 315-320. About a year ago, I was 20 pounds lighter though. I had a stereotypical “hourglass” figure. I’ve always had larger breasts and a larger behind, but I have a prominent waistline (last year it was about 24 inches, now it’s about 26.)

Last year in September I went for my yearly physical, not too long after my 20th birthday. At that physical I found out I was pregnan. I was not expecting to get pregnant and I was not prepared to be pregnant. I was scared and I knew I had some uterine issues (namely endometriosis) so I was worried from the start. I decided other than my boyfriend, Tomato, I would get some advice from my friend, Mango. Everything was going great with that, except I shouldn’t have told Mango. She started making little comments in front of people that myself and Tomato hadn’t told yet like “Oh, Apple is looking rather bloated lately,” and I’d have to brush it off like nothing, but whatever. Unfortunately that was only the beginning.

Almost 3 months into my pregnancy, I got blood tests to find out my babies gender to do a big reveal to everyone who didn‘t know. About a week after my tests, I woke up in the middle of the night bleeding profusely. I lost my baby girl. Tomato lost his baby girl and he still took care of me (Tomato is a W man, he picked me up and carried me to the shower, washed all the bedding, and washed me while I was just a blubbering mess, even though he was grieving too.) Tomato took me to the ER after I was mostly cleaned up and they confirmed the miscarriage was happening and our baby girl was gone.

Of course, I told Mango about that as well. After my miscarriage the comments got worse. “Oh is that pudge ever going away?” “Dang, you have to keep the stretch marks and the bump, but you don’t even get a baby out of it?” That sort of thing. When I told a few of our other friends what happened they all were very supportive, but then Mango started making the comments in front of them too, and not just in private to me. for the past, almost year I’ve been just putting up with it, but the rest of our friends have stopped talking to and hanging out with Mango, not just because of that, but also because Mango isn’t too big into basic hygiene. She showers maybe once every 2 to 3 months. her hair is always so oily it looks wet, and we can genuinely smell her before she enters a room. It’s kind of sad, really. Anyway, she recently asked me if I knew why none of our other friends talk to her anymore and I almost snapped and told her everything. Now I‘m wondering if maybe I should have because she’s still being awful about it.

All in all, potatoes, would I be the a-hole if I told my friend why nobody talks to or hangs out with her anymore, or should I just leave it be?

*I have edited the post. Mango is the replacement fruit for Melon. Same person, new fruit*

Ok, so, this is going to need some context. As a child, I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD which led to teachers and group leaders finding me a very difficult kid to work with, and a couple of them really didn't like me. Also, this happened when I was seven. If you think that automatically doesn't make me the AH, at least read the rest of the story.

I was part of the girl scouts (not really, it was more of an off brand girl scouts, but for clarity we'll stick with GS). I didn't really like it, but my parents made me do it. GS was led partially by this lady, let's call her Mrs. Jennifer. Mrs. Jennifer didn't like me. I don't know how I knew this, but call it a kid's intuition. My mom later confirmed that this was true from how she had seen Mrs. Jennifer interact with me later.

Anyways, this particular day we were going to do a nature walk, and all of the different age groups were all together. A bunch of these girls I had never seen before. So I'm standing near a group of older girls, when one of them mentions that Mrs. Jennifer doesn't like birds. I was baffled by this. And then another girl chimes in that she heard that Mrs. Jennifer is even scared of feathers. Now this was just plain confusing for a seven year old. I had no knowledge of phobias, and it seemed entirely impossible to me for a grown woman to be scared of a feather. Well, we go on the nature walk, look at cool plants and rocks and yes, we saw some birds. We were told to collect one thing on the nature walk that we would take with us to show to the group and write down in our notebooks.

If you guessed that I picked up a feather, you would be correct. However, I don't think I picked it up out of spite or anything, I just thought the feather was pretty and I was going to show it to everyone and document it. So we get back to the group, and Mrs. Jennifer wants to see everything we've collected. That was when I remembered what the older girls had said, and I wanted to test it, not believing for a minute that it was true. Well, I hold up my feather, and ladies and gentlemen, when I say all hell broke loose, I mean it.

Mrs. Jennifer shrieked and jumped back like I had just socked her in the face. My dad, who had been standing a bit off to the side, said afterwards that it looked like I had just hit her. Parents can rushing over, and I don't remember much of what happened after. No one got mad at me, because they all assumed I didn't know about her phobia. I was very shocked by her reaction, because apparently the older girls had been right, but I still didn't know why anyone would react like that. I still felt unbearably guilty for a couple months though.

Anyways Reddit, AITA for deliberately triggering someone I knew had a bird phobia?

I honestly never thought my life would look like this, and I just need an outside perspective on whether I handled this all wrong.

Back in 2021, I caved to heavy pressure from my family—including tears and ultimatums—and married my ex, Markus. It was a mistake from the start, built on financial deception. My niece Raluka spent enough time with us before the wedding to watch me miserable and begging for a way out.

By March 2023, my marriage was over, and I moved back into a house I shared with roommates. Raluka and my friends initially supported me leaving the marriage. Later that year, Raluka casually mentioned she had a crush on one of our roommates, Aaron, right around the time I officially decided to get a divorce.

When Aaron and I started dating in early 2024, Raluka's attitude flipped instantly. She called an Uber that same night, left, and later told me she didn't want to talk and wanted to "move on."

Meanwhile, my family fought my divorce every step of the way. They showed up unannounced with Markus for a four-week stretch of constant arguments, demanded I move out of my shared house because of outside gossip, and offered zero financial support while criticizing me. To get away from the constant friction, I rented my own place.

Even after I moved, the situation stayed messy. My parents gave Markus my new address, resulting in threats, police being called when he showed up with his cousins, and property damage. On top of that, my cousin Kevin crossed a line by speaking with Markus at a funeral and sharing information that Markus used to justify spending over 15,000 euros of my money throughout the entire time I was asking for a divorce, further complicating the legal process.

Through all of this, Raluka cut me off completely. Even when I reached out asking for a simple heads-up if my address leaked again, she ignored it. Recently, I found out through Aaron’s account that Raluka and the rest of our old friend group celebrated a bachelorette party together while I remain completely blocked out.

I am trying to figure out where the line is. Did Raluka cut me off over a crush? Or am I the bad guy and I am just not seeing it?

So, Reddit... help me understand? AITA?

Update: Thanks for all the responses—honestly, I didn't think this post would get this much traction, so I left out a lot of day-to-day context.
To clear a few things up, I was just renting a room in that shared house where Aaron lived. My niece never lived there; she was only ever a visitor. It's also worth noting the age dynamic at the time: when she first mentioned having a crush, she was 21, Aaron was 32, I was 31, and the rest of our housemates were even older. She didn’t pull me aside to confide a deep secret in me either—she loudly announced her crush to practically everyone in the house during a party.
At that exact time, she was actively dating other people and even bringing her own boyfriends over to the house. When things eventually shifted and Aaron and I decided to get to know each other, I talked straight to her about it to be completely transparent, and she told me to my face that it was just a casual crush, and that she was happy for us.

UPDATE 2:
Thank you to everyone who weighed in. Reading through the comments gave me a lot of perspective, and I want to sincerely apologize for how defensive and scattered my initial post and update were. Taking a step back, I realize I’ve been holding onto a lot of frustration from the rest of my family fallout, and I unfairly let that bleed into how I framed this part of the story.
I want to be completely honest about what happened, because I've been doing a lot of hard thinking and my heart genuinely aches for how this must have felt for her.
To clear up any confusion: there was never a mutual relationship or any sort of active dynamic between them. When she originally mentioned having a crush, it was entirely one-sided. Aaron never flirted or led her on, keeping all interactions strictly platonic and casual. Because she knew he was going through his own heavy breakup at the time, and because she was actively dating and bringing her own partners around, I genuinely believed it was just a fleeting, casual crush. I completely missed the depth of her feelings because her external actions showed she was moving forward with her life.
Later on, when Aaron and I naturally grew closer after our own difficult life transitions, I wanted to be open and went to talk to her. By this time, she was around 23. Looking back, I realize how unfair that situation was to put her in.
I used to feel so confused and frustrated by the fallout, but looking back, I realize I missed a lot of what she was going through. I'm truly sorry for my part in how things played out, and I hate that our relationship ended up fractured like this. I just wish I had handled everything with more care.

Myself and my husband invited them over for Sunday lunch at Easter (we thought it would be good to see for ourselves if he had changed. We were sat at the dinner table and talking whilst my kids were playing upstairs and somehow we got onto the topic of engagement, marriage and babies. When Emma said about getting engaged, Jay responded with "we have only just got back together, I'm not going to propose in the next 6 months, if you want it to happen sooner you need to propose to me. This made Emma very upset, Jay then said "see this is why we don't make mistakes" "this wouldn't be happening if you hadn't made that mistake". It was disgusting to witness and she was visibly upset by this, eventually he said "awh ems, it's alright everyone makes mistakes, we're here now aren't we". I was once again horrified but didn't really know what to do. I told my husband we would not have him around us again.

Things were fine until Emma broke her promise to me, my husband was going on a stag weekend thing and he was taking my car. I had no issue with this but I didn't have a car to take my children to hospital should anything happen so when this was planned Emma said she would come and stay with me for the whole weekend so I had support and a car for emergencies. When I checked she was still happy to do that she said she had made plans but she would rearrange. Then she came down and told me she would be leaving the following day, I was confused and said "I thought you were staying the whole weekend". She said "mum said she is coming down tomorrow so you'll be fine". I was very upset and told her that I wanted to spend time with her but she said that she would be spending time with Jay instead.

Mine and my husband's best friends were getting married and we were invited to the wedding along with our 3 children. My husband was asked to be best man so I was a little apprehensive about having 2 little ones (1.5 and 3.5 years old) by myself (our other child is 8 so that's not an issue). My best friend wanted me to be comfortable and enjoy her special day so she asked if she should invite Emma (my sister) to come to the wedding to help me with the kids whilst my husband was doing his best man duties. My best friend and Emma have met a few times and get along so it's not like the bride didn't know her. I was so grateful for this and said "yes, thank you so much I'm sure she would love to come". Emma accepted the invitation in March, in May Emma asked my best friend if she could bring her fiance Jay to her wedding. My best friend and I were not happy (she messaged me about it) about this but she isn't one for confrontation so politely said "unfortunately he can't as the numbers have already been finalised" which was entirely true the date of the RSVP was end of March.

Emma then told me she had asked if Jay could be invited and I pretended I didn't know this, she said "yeah it's just I'm worried about leaving him on his own for the day". I politely reminded her that he is a grown adult and would be fine.

​

Hi, this is my first time making a reddit post. Pardon me if there's any mistake.

I'm 23F and my fiancé is 26M. We're getting married next month, and it's going to be a small, intimate wedding. Recently, I found out that he's active in an anti-feminist Facebook group. I saw him leaving several comments that really shocked me.

For example, there was a post about a man cheating on his pregnant wife because of his "physical needs," and my fiancé commented in support of the husband, basically justifying the cheating. On another post, he agreed that women shouldn't work outside the home.

The confusing part is that throughout our relationship, he's always told me he fully supports my career and would never stop me from working.

Now I'm questioning whether I really know the person I'm about to marry. I love him, but these comments have made me feel like I've seen a completely different side of him. I haven't confronted him yet. I want to talk to him about this, but I'm not sure how to start the conversation. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi everyone,im a crying mess right now so I apologize in advance if the writing is off or I miss something’s.
I just realized how long this is so I also apologize 🙏🏾🙏🏾

I female (25) met E male (29) in 2023 I was single so was he and ngl the attraction was instant. we went on a date,and after that it was butterflies and roses.but he insisted that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
I said okay but I wasn’t willing to stay because at that point we had already started hooking up. I didn’t wanna do that and all so I let it all be and shortly after, I started dating another guy who seemed serious let’s call that guy D.
Fast forward to 2024 September D broke up with me 2 months after I lost my mom and somehow E and I started speaking again. And it got serious by march 2025 we started dating by June and in hindsight,there’s alot about that back then that I ignored…like him wanting to ask me out so perfectly that he ended up not doing it because he never got to be financially stable enough to do it…anyway the relationship was going so well…till date I’m sure I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him💔😭
Anyway,December last year I left a very high paying job,because I was being pressured immensely and was harassed at work and it triggered some trauma I’ve been dealing with silently since I was a kid.
I’d never told anyone not even my sister or my bestie of 15 years.
I opened up to him on how I was SA’d as a kid repeatedly for years by my cousin and a family friend and was constantly threatened to never speak up,also how I was SA’d in 2018 but the police never believed me…and I say SA’d to try and minimize it
I was full on r**ed in both instances.
I currently suffer from seizures because one of the times I was being SA’d as a kid, in the struggle I fell and hit my head so hard,I went unconscious and long story short, my doctor believes that whatever fall I had caused it…but for the longest time no one knew what caused the fall.
The entire thing made me not want to have kids even when I wanted to have a family and i told him that I can’t stand hearing children cry,because it reminded me of how I cried back then when I was being SA’d as a child.
I broke down and acknowledged that I need therapy but I can’t afford it because I just left my job…speaking to him about it gave me the motivation to finally talk to my sister and my bestie about it and I broke down both times because of how overwhelming it was.😔

I know that was a long diversion and pardon me for it 🙏🏾 I just want everyone to understand every aspect.

Around February this year we were both financially down..it was so bad we found it hard to eat.i was still job hunting too so I was almost useless at that point.
That’s where our relationship started going downhill
He told me so many times he was unhappy with his finances
I tried so hard to help him….in anyway I could but nothing…but in as much as we were having petty fights howbeit lots of em,I thought we were solid.i truly did💔

In April we were planning a picnic and we went out one day and on our way back we got to talking about us and he said and I quote “I’ve been getting tired lately of us”

I was absolutely broken

Later that evening I called him to talk about it
I asked him do you wanna work on it?…..after a very long pause,he said no….ive never cried this much over any relationship in my life
I thought I’d found my person💔
I asked why and he couldn’t give a proper answer then, but now I have it so I’ll just drop it
He feels I won’t be able to handle kids because of “patience “(in other words I don’t have the patience needed to handle children) and he fears I’ll have a hard time with the birthing process because of seizures and pregnancy and all that. He also heavily sighted his finances and how at his age he hasn’t accomplished much and stuff…things are legit hard for him he stays with his cousin and all
He also brought up how he felt bad that I left him to date D even tho he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
He says he doesn’t wanna stay in the relationship only to leave because he’s unsure of these things
He said he has always seen me as his wife but these things have been the issues that have been giving him doubts.

I confronted him about the fact that he never encouraged me to see therapy and all that.I was willing to get help even before the relationship ended but now,it seems like it doesn’t matter.
I never use to cook even and started learning how to cook in the course of the relationship
I even started enjoying to cook again.

Anyway after the breakup he didn’t leave me alone…he kept trynna talk to me and check up on me…this followed so many attempts from me to talk to him about his real reasons for breaking up and he insisted it was all the reasons I stated above…it has now slowly turned into us hooking up again and being all lovey dovey

In the process I found out he was flirting with a colleague of his that I never liked,but he called it of and insisted they’ve never done anything and said she came close after we broke up and he was down…I might be dumb for this, but I believe him.
That being said I recently asked him if we’re working on it…because it seemed like we were and he said we will work on it if he can get his finances in check a bit, and also see changes in me in the things we spoke about
Which are my health and my so called patience with kids
It feels like we’re friends with benefits now

I believe in the kids part all I need is therapy even tho it’s was too expensive and my new job barely covers my transportation to work per month..I’m literally working to not be idle…I don’t know how I’ve been surviving…

Now I’m feeling like I’m being an ass to myself for staying

And D has been stalking me but I guess that’s a story for another day
But
I’m feeling used

I’m also scared
Very scared

Please I need advice
Real advice

What should I do

Is it okay to stay?

I’ll be in the comments