My Moms almost ex husband served us with court papers after our Mother tragically drowned walking on her lake last winter, and now.. we are finally done with him.
So this is a long story, but I’ve been waiting patiently to finally be able to tell it. So please bare with me..First off, my Mom was the most fiercely loving, supportive, strong and caring human being I’ve ever known. Unfortunately, because she was so loving and caring she got into a relationship with a Narcissist, he was so good at pretending he was a good guy, we all loved him. A year into their relationship he got cancer and she drove to his house every day after work to take care of him, this was an hour ride. They even got married because he needed health insurance, but also because she did infact love him. My mom sold our child hood home and bought a home for them on a beautiful lake, they became so involved in their neighborhood.. shortly after, Covid hit. Now this is when it all began to unravel. We would see him lash out on my mom, when all she truly did was work and take care of him, AND be an amazing mother to us & Mimi to her grandkids. I won’t go fully into the abuse but for example, I walked into my mom’s house to pick my son up.. my moms ex was holding a rag over his hand, a plate was shattered by his feet and my son was visibly shaken as my mother was crying trying to pretend that she wasn’t. He had smashed the plate on the table after yelling at her because she didn’t wait for him while she needed to take my son (5 at the time) to the bathroom. I had seen him behave in this way a few times but I made it clear my son wouldn’t be going there if he behaves like that again and he apologized. Obviously, he got worse.
My mom ended up having to get two separate restraining orders on this “man” and was desperately trying to divorce him.. he made it extremely hard for her to do so. Consistently missing court dates and pushing things off just to carry his abuse out through out the court system.
Now to the horrific night that has changed our family’s lives forever.
This is still incredibly hard to even type out, but my Moms story should be told.
The morning of Jan 11th 2025.. I talked to my mom on the phone, I was supposed to go celebrate my 600 days of sobriety with her after work (she had saved my life and got me into treatment for alcoholism right after the ex left her) I had also lived on a lake about an hour away from hers.. it was half frozen. She was talking to me telling me how she planed on going out for a walk with her dogs later on and I had told her that she should absolutely not go on to the lake, that there’s no way it’s safe.
But she wanted to go do something that she loved, and there was no stopping her from a good walk. She even snap chatted us to tell us it was beautiful and safe. I still have it on my phone.
Later on I was too tired from work and had tried to call my mom and tell her that I would drive up tomorrow morning and celebrate with her then. No answer, I checked her location.. she was out on the lake. I thought maybe she just can’t hear the phone ring or dropped it on her walk.
I was mid conversation with my boyfriend when I received a text that had flipped my world upside down.. “Devin; I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, please let me know if you need anything”
I dropped everything and was calling them to ask where she was, did she fall? Is she hurt? Where do I need to go to get to her? … they where quiet for a moment and told me she was gone. At the same time, my brother called me.. he was there. On the scene. As I screamed into my phone asking if it was true and it can’t be.. my brother fought through the tears and told me we lost her. She had fallen through the ice, they couldn’t find her. My Mom, My sons Mimi, My hero an the woman that saved my life was gone. Our world had completely shattered. My brother is. First responder down in our childhood town and they were able to get ahold of him so he could get up there… he was there all night while they searched.. he never left her. For him, and his best friend, I’m forever grateful and the entire community coming together and taking care of us during the worst time in our lives.
My Mom fell, and when she did she actually swam for twenty minutes and called her friend/neighbor for help.. she did get herself out but when rescue came she was hypothermic and the ice was weak, her and the fire fighter crashed through the ice and that’s when they lost her.. that man almost lost his life as well and has carried the weight of that night with him as well and I have so much love for him for trying to save her.
The following weeks were honestly just a blur of pure agony.. the last time I went to my moms house I laid in her bed and cried while holding on to her dogs that where also so scared with out their mom.
Not even a week after, my siblings and I were served by her “almost ex husband” stating that we can’t go to our mother’s home. He blocked us from being able to not just get her things but from being able to grieve our mother the way we should have been able too. He wanted to protect his marital assets that he actually didn’t pay a dime of his on money for. My mom had two jobs supporting them while he “retired”
He was mad that we didn’t allow him at the funeral because he had abused our mother. Well over 900 people showed up for our mother at her wake alone, the church was over flowing with people that loved her. I’m pretty sure if anyone saw him, he would have been swiftly escorted out. So I believe he was mad he wasn’t included and decided to continue the abuse he did to our mother and have us as his next victims. The children that just lost their mother in one of the most traumatic ways possible. Because that’s the kind of guy he is. He threw out most of her belongings and sold the house she loved.. we got one hour to get some of her things.. with the lights off and no running water while his lawyer rushed us out of her home.. child hood photos gone, our children’s first Christmas ornaments gone, family china passed down for generations gone.. he smashed air fryers and her favorite glasses out side…and so so so much more. he made sure he could try and take as much away from us as he could. All while he posted videos on his youtube making jokes about our late mother in his standup routine, all lies. Even went as far to use one of the things I had done in my past while i was still drinking and said it was her.. it was me. I’ve been sober for over 3 years now and it frustrates me to have him try and twist the story in his standup.. but alas.. it is I that loved wine and tequila… not my Mom.
He would also go on to text her neighbors and continue to tell them she was mentally unwell, even though it was him that was unstable.. he gave away her boat, her 4x4 and took her car.. to be honest.. none of us wanted those things.. we wanted our Mom back and we didn’t want to get the house.. none of us want to be near the lake.. although I did go up to a memorial her friends had for her last summer and it was a beautiful tribute to her.. her community there was so incredible to her.. they were all best friends and all of them knew all of the hell he had put her through before she died. It kills me that my mom was just trying to go out for a walk to enjoy life again… she died doing something she loved and I try my best to remind myself of that.
We’re finally done with court now, so I’m able to write this out and share it which was very therapeutic to be honest, even though I’m crying on my couch replaying every moment in my head. I feel like it’s a story that needs to be told. I felt like people needed to know what he had done, even if I don’t name him.
He lost, and the judge was appalled by his behavior towards us and our family took on the brunt of the court proceedings to protect us as much as possible. Forever thankful for them and everyone that helped us along the way🫶🏻
And for anyone wondering about the dogs
We had help from her neighbors to find homes for her dogs, none of us were able to keep them but, they are in happy homes and well cared for.
I can update more later but I think this post was long enough for now