Bonus Mom from Hell: my ex’s new wife cut up my daughters baby blanket.
*For context this happened about a year ago but it still fumes me every time I think about it.*
I (27f) have a daughter (4f) with my ex (29m).
Our relationship was fine in the beginning but when we got the news early on that I was pregnant (2 months into the relationship) things started to slowly snowball downhill.
At our anatomy scan, a rare disorder was found that threatened our child’s life and the decision was made that I would be the parent that stayed home after our daughter’s birth to manage things.
Our daughter was born, she made it through the NICU, and we were finally home. She still needed around the clock care and medications but she survived and it was already more than we could have ever hoped for. But unfortunately for the relationship, this was where resentment started to grow.
Over time, the mutual decision for me to stay home and manage things slowly faded from my ex’s memory which, as you can imagine, started to cause rifts and issues between the two of us. Arguments about money, perceived freedom and privilege, etc. started to completely wreck the relationship. It all came to a head when I couldn’t take it anymore and started talking/venting to someone I dated prior. (A.k.a. Emotional cheating and I won’t waste your time justifying it- I know it was stupid and impulsive) We split and had our issues with coparenting but eventually got the hang of things.
Fast forward to last year- my ex started seeing someone new and I’ll admit I was standoffish at first. I only have one child and have never had to navigate a bonus mom/bio mom dynamic before but tried my best to go into it with an open mind. By the time we were finally able to meet face to face, she had already gotten pregnant fairly early into things and they were having some relationship issues. (anyone else sensing a pattern?) We made plans to meet for coffee to talk privately about my daughter and the expectations surrounding her care and parenting. The day came, I showed up, she claimed she was “just going to change clothes real quick” and that she would let me know when she was on the way- but as you can probably already guess, I didn’t hear from her until many hours later. That interaction unfortunately sealed the deal for me and I remained uneasy.
My ex and the new woman (we haven’t named her yet so let’s just call her Lilith) eventually married a few months later and the animosity between Lilith and I remained. She began to insert herself into coparenting moments and conversations, tried to advocate for my daughter when conversing with medical staff, and even went as far as to make a false claim of abuse to CPS. (The social worker who came to my home did nothing but compliment my motherhood the entire time so that did not work in Lilith’s favor, it was a sad day for her I’m sure.)
There have been a handful of other failed attempts to try and gain custody of my daughter since then (claiming my child’s the next Gypsy Rose and that I’m making it all up- for instance) but they have all ultimately been a dead end road for Lilith and my ex.
Now to what we are all here for- the blanket. My daughter has had the same blanket that she sleeps with every single night for her entire life. (All my baby blanket girlies unite in the comments- no shame here) She snuggles it tightly and even likes to suck on the silk tag or the corner of it for comfort as if it’s a pacifier. I’ll admit, it was starting to look a little worse for wear. But, I was keeping a close eye on it and had planned on replacing it once it became too dangerous for my daughter to suck on at night. I have a baby box with things from her NICU stay and other mementos that I have hoarded throughout her life and had planned on putting the original baby blanket in there for safe keeping and to look back on as she continues to grow.
The blanket would always go with my daughter wherever she went so it would go with her on her scheduled weekends with my ex/her father. On one of those weekends, Lilith decided to cut the entire tag off of the blanket and throw it away. I found it when I was unpacking her bag that evening after picking her up and immediately texted her to try to figure out why. Her excuses and replies ranged from “she would have choked on it eventually” and “it’s just a tag it’s not that big of a deal”.
All I could think of was how my daughter must have reacted when she was tucked into bed at their place and realized it was gone. Was she upset? Confused? Restless? I know it’s a blanket, “Kim, people are dying” and all, but it was her comfort. I felt sadness, rage, and a little bit of failure/guilt that I hadn’t just packed it away sooner.
A few hours go by, I’ve now told a few friends and close family members about it including my fiance, and a new wave of emotions creep in as they start to weigh in with their own theories. Was she actually worried about my child choking or was this just yet another thing she could do to me? Was it ever really about my child at all?
Fast forward to the present and we still have issues, we still can barely coparent, and Lilith still tries to throw wild accusations at me. A new blanket is being used but no longer travels and I have continued to be very selective of the things I include in my daughter’s bag when she goes to visit. Lilith’s campaigns against me are alive and well, she even made her whole social media presence about me, but I’ve gotten better at not allowing the noise to infect my life. My days have grown more peaceful as I’ve shifted that energy to just enjoying the life I have with my child, my fiance, and our crazy animals. There will however always be an empty spot in the baby box for blankie O.G. r.i.p