r/Custody

Hey guys, I have a quick question or more so need suggestions.

So my BD took me to court for our son (20m) because I don’t let him physically have the child (I have a few reasons but not great ones and it’s mainly just been fear) I allow him to FaceTime the child whenever and on a rare occasion I will meet with him in public for about 2-3 hrs for him to be with him.

He’s trying to get 50/50 (which i’m totally okay with but also don’t want to disrupt my sons already set schedule) I suggested we start small with one weekday a few hours and then every other weekend. He says no and he’s contesting that. Which again I knew he would do. Im trying to see what could be some suggestions I do in the mean time while we are currently going thru court. I planned a dinner for this Sat and let him choose where and what time. I also suggested that he have him next weekend but i’m scared he will keep him. (although he said he wouldn’t and would get into trouble with the courts)

I’m also doing all of this pro se because I can’t afford a lawyer. I also heavily weigh on my moms opinion when it comes to all of this and I unfortunately have let her dictate too much for what I do and what happens with my sons father. How can I stop allowing myself to feel like i need her “approval” ??

I will take any suggestions and best case scenarios.

I am trying to leave my abusive husband. We have 3 babies so I’m trying to be smart about it. He’s been physical in the past but now is verbally and emotionally abusive. He’s an insane narcissist. Beat me and still blamed me. Said the cops and I set him up…..
i am so scared of him getting joint custody, so I’ve stayed. But it’s miserable being here but what happens to our kids if they are with him? He can’t even watch them alone even right now. I have old videos of him saying he’s going to kill all of us. But it’s old. Someone I know said to write down the things he says or does. But is that good enough for court?
When he got arrested there was a restraining order. Stupidly we still saw each other and he convinced me to write a letter to the court to drop his charges and they were dropped. That incident happened in front of our newborn and toddler.

TN - Court ordered Supervised visits thru Play Therapist for 1 hour a week - is this normal?

I was just wondering if some people out there have gone thru what I am currently going thru.

Just some backstory, I just got done with my 4th day of trail in my custody battle that has been going on for over 3 years. (Unmarried father still fighting for my rights), with possibly 2 court dates left. My ex, who is a narcissist, decided to not let me see the kids (7 & 5) for 9 months (thru no fault of my own, she just decided to out of spite). My ex had a play therapist my kids are seeing as a witness during trial, and my lawyer asked her about reunification therapy as a means to see my kids (didn't know he was going to do that). The therapist said reunification therapy can definitely be an option for a parent who hasn't seen their kids. After the day ended, the judge decided to grant me this reunification therapy thru the child's play therapist in an order, stating this therapy is at her direction. I thought perhaps I would get a couple days, 2-8 hours a week, unsupervised before my lawyer asked for that.

So, when this started, the therapist said I can get 1 hour a week with each kid, nothing more. I follow a guideline and somewhat strict rules there, she monitors my time with the kids, can't take pictures of my kids, etc. But my ex at least can't be a part of these sessions. I asked her for more time with the kids, maybe she can suggest to my ex, time outside of these therapy sessions, but she said this is as much as I can get. I just finished my 6th week of this, and it feels like this isn't going anywhere, even though I am grateful to at least see the kids until my next court date.

My ex has been manipulating the kids for years to not talk to me or tell me about what is going on with the kids' lives, telling them to not answer any of my questions, and don't say hi to me in public (even threaten me thru text that if I say hi to my kids in public events, she will call the cops). I am pretty sure she "suggests" to the kids as well they don't have to talk to me in these sessions if they don't want too, that's just her MO. I told the play therapist my ex is doing all these things this week and how's she has been in the past, hoping she could somehow address this in the future. I know my ex doing things like this would really hamper my sessions with my kids to build a relationship with them and could even hurt me in my next trial days. All she said was my play therapy sessions should hopefully trump what she is doing at home, and she can't help what happens outside of these sessions, and I was a little stunned. I don't know if she just doesn't want to ask or try to find out what I am saying is true, or just thinks she can't do anything, but I figured claiming manipulation abuse would be takin a little serious, especially with what is going on with my sessions.

Is this just something most people go thru and just have to take the licks until you get a parenting plan and rights? 1 hour a week just isn't enough time with the kids I feel to establish something while you have an external factor like my ex influencing the kids. I would love people's thoughts on this, thanks.

I’ll try to make this as short as possible to possibly get more engagement because I am lost!

My ex was arrested for DV in April 2022. He left the state and did not see the kids at all except to visit. He did not want to take them at all because he did not want me to see other guys or date (literally). When I actually started seriously dating someone in May of 2024, he absolutely lost his mind. He would text the most obscene things about details of me and this bf having sex, about c*m being on my bed and what if the kids sat in the bed….like, he really went off the deep end even more than he already was.

He demanded the kids every other weekend. I knew a court battle would give him at least this, so I gave no issue. Fast forward to August 2025, me and this same bf have plans of potentially living together. Ex finds out, loses his mind once again. Files several OTSC and a normal hearing to take primary away from me. I spent so much money on a lawyer. I already struggle so much financially. I had the worst anxiety about it all that I was physically ill.

He decided to change his mind about primary out of nowhere and just wanted to sign an order giving him more time. I agreed. I was just so happy to not have the chance of my kids going with him. However, now he has joint legal custody. He has forfeited every single day of the extra time he has asked, including already saying he doesn’t want them for summer. It was all to prove a point to me.

There are a couple major things that need discussing, and per the order we must “amicably come together to try and resolve”….he is not amicable at all. I have tried multiple times, via parenting app that was granted due to harassment, to try and talk to him. I have expressed deep concern for the children on the matters and how I really feel we need to address the issues.

He literally will not say anything about the kids. All he says is I’m a bad mom, bad with money, all I care about is my boyfriend, I’m not smart, I’m a compulsive liar so he can’t possibly talk to me, etc. tells me “talk to my lawyer” “take me to court”.

I just don’t know what to do from here. He enjoys going to court, he enjoys tearing me down emotionally and financially. And I can’t do it. I feel like I’ve never left the abusive relationship.

I list out my concerns for the kids, ask for thoughts and opinions and he cannot say one single thing about them. It’s just me, me, me, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend.

What do I even do? Make decisions for the kids, wait for him to cry to his lawyer and then be dragged through court? I am so so lost and so so burnt out.

My fiancé has a 3 year old daughter. He has 50/50 custody of her and has for some time now. There is currently no court ordered agreement. He made a parenting plan back in March and tried to get his daughter’s mom to look at it so that they could work out exactly what they wanted to do and then file it. She would never give feedback to it and would just say she “doesn’t agree to it”. We finally decided that he would just file a motion independently this week and it would have to be worked out from there. He hasn’t mentioned this to her yet because of the drama it will cause. In strange timing she just told him that she would be moving in with her boyfriend on July 1st. The only issue we have with this is that they are moving to the next county over. The house is only about 25 minutes away, but the school in that county is about 50 minutes to an hour away depending on traffic. The child’s mom has just assumed that she will go to school in the school district that she is moving to and we are just going to have to figure out the driving or take less time with her. Obviously we don’t want this to happen especially because he has had 50/50 custody and it’s been working fine. The parenting plan he is about to file has a relocation clause that states that if either parent moves out of the county or state, the non-relocating parent will not lose parenting time and that the child must attend school in the original school district. I know this is standard but we are just afraid that it won’t be approved because obviously her mom isn’t going to agree to this. What are the chances that the judge will agree to this clause?

Coparent and I's order is a year old. He proposed 80(me)/20(him) and I agreed. After repeatingly asking me to drop his child support (its already $600+ a month lower than they ordered) he filed for 50/50. Our children are 5 & 7.

He lives with his parents about 45 minutes away. His work schedule is chaotic so his mother will be the one taking the kids to school and picking them up. She also does most of the parenting on his time. She does their morning routine as he leaves for work very early and does their bedtime routine as he goes to bed early.

He loves the children and is fun dad but otherwise has been pretty uninvolved. Now that he has filed for 50/50 he has stepped it up a little.

Does a 45 minute commute seem reasonable for young school age children?

Ive posted here quite a bit but I cant help but worry...

We had mediation. Ex is asking for full custody through the school year. She moved 6 hours away in California and now shes moved out of state 5 hours away. She isnt working and relies on her boyfriends job. They have a new child together.

Our kids are changing school next year here in California and she is requesting to move them. I work nights weekends and see them when I wake up around 1pm till about 7pm when I go to work and then for my 3 days off which is about Monday 1pm till Thursday 7pm. 95 percent of our kids family is here in California and they help out while I work. They have friends, family and attend church here. They only have some cousins near their mom. They only have a 2 bedroom aparment. Her boyfriend has 2 children from a prior relationship so that would mean 5 kids 2 adults in a 2 bedroom apartment if theyre all there at once...she keeps arguing that she can be a full time stay at home mom for them.

Ive had full custody since she moved in October and maintained the same job and home for them. We've lived in California the last 4 years. Kids are 6 and 7. Our kids also have health insurance through my job and all health care out of state would be out of network costing a ton. Ex doesnt have health insurance because she isnt working.

Is there a chance she gets them? I just dont know what I would do if she did. I love them so much and fear they will not have stability with her concidering the 2 moves within a 3 month time span and her not working.

This is our second go around for a move away request. First time it was declined because she moved out of state and no longer lived in the city in California she was requesting to move them to.

Thoughts?

My ex filed a restraining order against me and dis not ask for our child to be involved. The order was not granted. Over the weekend, a 2nd judge signed the order and modified it to include our daughter. My lawyer and I can not see a reason why this happened. How can I obtain that information and what can I do now to get her back before the hearing in a few weeks?

This is quite possibly the silliest thing I am asking so I apologize in advance -

Dad lives out of state and is flying in and traveling to a different state for a visitation for Friday - Monday due to the upcoming holiday.

Dad is demanding I send 5 year old with clothes, toys, car seat, and all hygiene products for his weekend visitation.

I do not want my child to go without, but he never provides anything for her, pays no child support, demands I pack her with things every time he comes to visit, and does not return things. It is getting exhausting to keep having to replace things.

This is what our court order states -

“Neither parent will interfere with the right of the child to transport their clothing and personal belongings freely between the parents’ homes. The child’s property is their property, and their respective disposition of theirs to designate. The child will designate where their property be kept. the party concluding their parenting time shall not refuse to surrender any item belonging to the child. All items sent with the child, for their benefit or use, shall be promptly made available to the child for their parenting time with the other party.”

Do I have to always supply him with everything our child needs or should he be responsible for some things at least??

Thanks in advance - and I am so sorry again, this is so minor and silly sounding but it’s just one of those things he continuously does to make life harder / start arguments / control the situation.

I appreciate any insight!!!

We’ve done the court thing, we’re going back, my question is those of you coparenting young children, infants and toddlers, are you wanting to be more involved with the care of your child when they’re with the other parent? One accusation I get is that I’m controlling. I’ve been coparenting since the day my son was born. My newborn went with his dad and I had to trust that my son was cared for. Fast forward to now my son is 17 months and it has gotten easier but as he’s gotten older his schedule has changed and we communicate about naps and bedtime. He accuses me of being controlling but I just want us to be on the same page and try and have consistency between the homes. We don’t talk as much because less conversation means less time to argue but of course we still talk sometimes and it’s extremely difficult because we will never see eye to eye. Can this be looked at as “control”? Do you want or get updates on your babies or toddlers when they’re with the other parent?

Primary custodial parent here. Our custody order from a 2 years ago specifically names the Lexington Police Department in SC as the exchange location. At the time, it was roughly halfway between us.

Now I live near Lexington, SC and dad lives in Fuquay-Varina, NC, so he does almost all of the driving to exchanges. He’s not against relocation itself and we’ve been discussing longer summer visitation and possibly flights in the future if distance increases more.

His position is basically that the original intent of Lexington was “fairness”, even though the order itself doesn’t say “meet halfway” — it specifically names Lexington PD. Usually it is 3 hours for me three back and him the same. If we moved to the meet location we would be right in Lexington. He usually has other people do the drives for home including my other daughter’s grandparents.

I am married with 3 other children in home so moving CLOSER TO the meeting spot makes it easier. He is now asking me to meet halfway to where he is once again which is 2 hours and that at this point defeats the purpose of us moving so I am having second thoughts.

Curious if anyone has dealt with something similar:

- Did courts stick strictly to the written exchange location?

- Or did judges later reinterpret it based on fairness once circumstances changed?

- Did transportation get rebalanced?

- Did anyone move to airport exchanges or alternating pickup/dropoff instead?

Not looking for attacks on either parent, just real experiences with how transportation fairness was handled over time.

I’ve been separated from my ex for 6 years now and am planning on filing divorce again next week (after 2 failed attempts.) The problem is my kids [8M] [6F]came home from their week with dad and telling me they were left home alone at their dads girlfriends house with her toddler over night. This is clearly a huge issue but seeing as we have no current custody order in place I’m not sure what I should do before I can file next week. We have a one week on one week off agreement currently. I’ve tried to keep the children before for other concerns and their Dad doesn’t care. He will ignore my request, threaten to unenroll them from school, and pick them up from school anyway. What can I do?

Requesting some reassurance or some tricks and tips on my upcoming trial in July. We had a previous trial that was set for 3 hours but I never got to testify so they cut it short and scheduled us for another day. We both have lawyers. We previously signed and submitted a Marriage Settlement Agreement (MSA) and a Custody Agreement. The MSA was enforced and she received 40k in cash but then went back on the Custody agreement and put in a relocation request.

My STBX is currently residing with me and the children but is planning to relocate our two kids (3 & 7) to a different state which is a minimum 4 hour drive and give me every other weekend. She does not plan to move unless she gets the children. We are currently abiding by a court ordered 2-2-5 schedule that was created by us jointly at the Pendite Lite Hearing. I am paying all the household bills, groceries, insurance etc since she has been a SAHM for the past two years.

Some background, the place she plans to move to is a place my children resided at in 2023 for approximately 12 months while I figured out housing, career, etc in Maryland. So I feel like this will count against me, they stayed with her family in the basement with my MIL. I was never okay with them staying in the basement since we were promised separate rooms, but it never happened. They're currently arguing I never had a problem with it before so why now.

Since living together we've obviously had some arguments, police or CPS have never been involved, and for the most part we get along minus some tense arguments with name-calling from both parties. We were able to come up with a Thanksgiving schedule, Christmas schedule, Spring Break schedule, and Summer Schedule. Additionally, we were able to plan and celebrate a birthday party with classmates together. We both got each other Birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and Mother's Day gifts (from the kids).

The thing I'm most worried about is we started this process in May 2025 and she still isn't working, she's claiming she's unable to find a job in Maryland and it's too expensive to live here. She's burned through the 40k she received on her lawyer which was intended to help her have a fresh start and be able to afford rent. I renewed the lease for where we've been living for another year with just me on it of course.

I plan to stay in her school district (and have renewed my 3 bedroom apt for another year) and I have a well paying job and understand I'll have an obligation to child support even with 50/50. I'm also curious if I should let my lawyer know I can take full custody of the children until she is able to find a job. Let me know if I missed any details thanks!

tl;dr: STBX is trying to relocate the children to another state 4+ hour drive away. Tips, tricks, worst case scenario options, and reassurance requested.

**Additional information, she claims to have job prospects on the place she is moving including family support. I have a six figure salary and career is pretty strict to the DMV area. Additionally, I have my Masters Degree and she has her Bachelor's Degree.

I work really early, so a babysitter will have to get them ready and take them to school/daycare Monday-Thursday**

** Will the judge make a decision at the end of trial or do I have to wait for them to come to a conclusion?**

No one showed them the lawyer fees.
The blocked messages.

The nights he sat alone wondering if they’d ever know the truth.
They just see a dad who isn’t there. In a story written without him.

That injustice doesn’t get fixed by reacting. It doesn’t get fixed by long emotional messages. It doesn’t get fixed by fighting fire with fire.

It gets fixed by being so strategic, so consistent, so impossible to write out that the truth has nowhere left to hide.

I have a 16YO son. His dad moved 1.5 hours away when our son was 5 and just about to start kindergarten. Our custody agreement is structured during the school year so our son goes to his dad’s every other weekend and we share most school breaks. For summer, our agreement states time should be shared “as close to even as possible. Mom may have more time due to child’s work/sports obligations.”

Our son has been expressing a desire to spend more time at my house this summer so he can work, do the school workout program (to get ready for football that starts in Aug) and spend time with friends. His dad wants the time to still be split evenly.

I do believe it is important for our son to spend time with his dad and the schedule I proposed would allow for 8-10 days of time at his dad’s each summer month. Our son does not want to be there any more than this. He enjoys spending time with his dad but wants to prioritize working and wants to be a normal teenager!

Has anyone else been in this situation? Is it unfair to expect a 16 year old to spend half of the summer 1.5 hours away from his friends?

recently separated from my child’s mother and am currently seeking primary physical and legal custody of our son. Both my family and the child’s maternal family are supportive of this effort, primarily due to concerns regarding the mother’s ability to provide consistent and adequate care.

The mother has historically provided minimal caregiving, typically no more than approximately one hour per day. I possess text messages in which she explicitly states that she no longer wishes to be a mother and does not want our son in her care because she is unable to meet his needs. Additionally, I have documentation, including screenshots and messages, showing her repeated negative comments about me on social media.

The mother has two upcoming court dates related to violations of an emergency protective order (EPO). She faces potential jail time for these violations. She also has a chronic medical condition requiring regular infusions; failure to manage her own health appropriately further impairs her ability to care for our child, which has been a consistent issue.

Her relevant legal and personal history includes:

• An arrest for domestic violence (charges were later dropped at my request due to concerns about custody implications).
• An arrest following a suicide attempt, which resulted in a psychiatric hold.
• Two arrests for violating the emergency protective order.

She is currently unemployed, has no stable housing, and has no verifiable income.

I am actively consulting with a family law attorney. I would appreciate any additional guidance on steps I should take to strengthen my petition for full custody, including recommendations for documentation, witness preparation, or other evidence that may be beneficial

Long story short he broke up with me for his "spiritual calling" saying he can't find a balance and he doesn't think that I can keep up. Ever since I've had my son he has become more and more mean. In the relationship he would tell me that I need to loose weight because I gained 100 pounds when I was pregnant. (I was bedrest and he was making my life hell for not aborting my son so I ate my feelings)

Then it went to well I'm not attracted to you so I would like to have a side chick. Then he justified it by saying most men think it aren't you glad that I asked and was at least honest.

He started by seeing my son consistently every two weeks. Then it was 3 weeks and then an entire month. Then six weeks.

Now after I planned a date a month after we broke up (mind you he broke up with me and I only went on one date our entire relationship) he wants to build a connection with our son.

He would refuse to FaceTime him because he said it was an insult to his intelligence. He always calls me emotional but he insults me and calls it honesty.

He pays child support. Now I'm concerned he might try and take him. I was paranoid before but he watched our son today for three hours today.

I always check my windows to make sure they were locked. My baby sleeps in the room alone so I always check it. It is always locked. Today after watching him and getting into the fight I kicked him out. For the first time ever. I checked my windows and they were unlocked.

A few hours later I heard a sound like a click. I looked outside and I watched a guy walk off to his car that looked like his cousin but it was a different car. I feel so paranoid but also I dont want my son to go without his father.

How do I even go about keeping him at a safe distance. He told me if he wanted to take my son he would and there would be nothing I could do about it.

Me and ex wife’s divorce never mentioned the marital home. I’d like to get my equity out of it as I’m no longer living in it and haven’t for years. We’ve been divorced for years now. She has primary custody of our 3 kids on paper but we have been doing 50/50 and it’s been working great. She told me she won’t agree to put that in writing unless I stop all actions I have regarding the marital home. Most of the increase in the homes worth is market appreciation controlled by neither party. I have court next year to get 50/50 on paper. But I’m wondering how she’ll be viewed for what she’s said about the house and time with the kids. Also curious how the house situation has gone down for others who handled shared property years later.

Long story as short as I can. I am looking for advice based on people who have been in similar situations but also to vent a tad ... it has been a long road and for reasons I am not being open to talking about much of what is going on with those around me.

I have two sons who, last September, disclosed that they were being sexual abused by their step-father. For my older son (15) it happened sever years earlier over a summer when he was 10 years old. For my youngest (11) it has been going on for 5+ years, we have no been able to nail down a timeframe when it started. Since that date, children services have placed the children in my care. This was a voluntary arrangement and nothing has been officially put through the courts at this time. The reasoning behind having them stay with me was they deemed mother "non-protective" because they claim she did not believe the children and they were concerned about interactions with the step-father.

Since the disclosure, step-father has been arrested, and is now out on bond. Mother has divorced him in middle of December and bought her own home. Children services has left restriction in place and have ordered that parenting time with mother be supervised. She has exercised that right one time, in which the youngest participated, back in December.

I have filed for full custody and she filed paperwork in court to hold me in contempt (because there is no official court order) and also have children services removed from the case. Mother claimed that children services has been vindictive. Child services created a case plan in January that stated their recommendation going forward should be supervised visitation, mother to attend parenting classes, mother to take mental health examination, and mother to take a drug and alcohol test.

The first pre-trial the Domestic Relations court ordered all the services that Children Services recommended as well as supervised visits at a facility in town for at least one hour per week, per child. This is where things get difficult. My youngest is excited to see his mother but the oldest is flat our refusing the visit. He claims that there have been years of emotional abuse on top of the sexual abuse in that house and he wants nothing to do with mother. His therapist is also against any reunification at this time as well with the oldest.

Today he talks to the GAL for his interview, I spoke to her last week. Is there any chance that the GAL (based on conversation today) and therapist could help him with the legally getting out of the visit or am I really going to be forced to get him there against his wishes? This is a very stressful situation all around but I am walking the fine line of being on the right side legally but also doing what I think is healthy for my children.

I'm a 17 year old living with my mom (and my dad picking me up on certain weekends), my mom told me i have the option of staying here and not going to his house since i'm 17, and my mom wasn't worried about court due to my dad not paying child support and if he paid for an attorney, that wouldn't look good. I wanna know if i have that choice to stay at my mom's house or if I'm forced to go to my dad's whenever he chooses and stuff. Because I'm tired of going there and i just want the option to not go there anymore.