r/Custody

If your coparent offered you more parenting time and you wanted it, but you have to wait 1 year to go back and modify the parenting time schedule, what would you do?

How do you handle repeated dishonesty about who’s around your child when you have no intention of trying to prove it yourself?

I’m looking for advice from people who have been through custody litigation.

One thing I genuinely struggle to understand is this: if there is nothing inappropriate about a third party being present, why continue denying it?
To be clear, this isn’t about controlling who my co-parent dates. If this were simply about a new relationship, I wouldn’t be asking this question.

My concern is this specific individual, given her reported ongoing domestic violence issues with her husband, the fact that she does not currently have custody of her own children, threats that have been made toward me, and months of repeated denials by my co-parent about her involvement that were later admitted to be true. Those concerns—not the relationship itself—are why transparency matters to me.
I’m not talking about trying to catch anyone or prove anything. I have no intention of driving by the house, conducting surveillance, following anyone, or trying to gather evidence myself. I don’t want to do anything that could make the situation worse or reflect poorly in court.
My difficulty is that what I’m told often doesn’t align with what I later experience or independently observe in the normal course of life. That disconnect makes it difficult to know when I can reasonably rely on what I’m being told, especially when it involves the home where my child also lives during the other parent’s parenting time.

What I’m trying to understand is:
If someone is repeatedly dishonest about a third party being present, how does that ever come to light if you’re not trying to catch them?
Has anyone had the truth come out through discovery, witnesses, admissions, or the legal process rather than personal investigation?
How do courts generally view a demonstrated pattern of dishonesty if it becomes relevant?
I’m interested in hearing from people who have navigated similar situations and chose to let the legal process—not personal investigation—handle it.

My custody order has rotating holidays, marked by even years and odd years. My ex has always had difficulty keeping a calendar, being on time, remembering conversations. All of our communication now is through text or email now.

I keep a joint calendar with all confirmed visitations and all of the kids' appointments, my ex has said they have it set up to get notifications for these events.

It's an event year, 2026, and my ex was supposed to have the kids for Memorial Day and Fourth of July. Odd years they would get Labor Day. They never confirmed those visits with me, I never put them on the calendar. Now they are asking me about Labor Day.

Is it better to just let them have Labor Day and avoid the argument? Should I just send a screenshot of the custody agreement?

This is a very contentious relationship for a lot of reasons and I am terrified of making my ex angry. But I don't think I am responsible for reminding them or sending calendar invites for their parenting time. How can I navigate this conversation without escalating anger?

My stepmom is currently trying to get custody of my minor stepbrother in Florida. His dad is a POS...neglectful, abusive, alcoholic, etc. Leaves my stepbrother home alone for hours at a time without food or supervision. He is emotionally and physically abusive to my stepbrother. He has multiple DUIs (unsure of timeline on those), currently being sued for business fraud...just a scummy individual. The courts sided with him and my stepmom did not get custody of my stepbrother. She went through a guardian ad litem last time as well, and the GAL sided with my stepbrother's dad, saying "oh he's just a guy who's trying his best" because he's a narcissist who's good at charming people. Is there anything my stepmom can do to bolster her case? My stepbrother's dad is already trying to "pretty" his image by posting pictures on social media of "family moments." Buttering up and lovebombing my stepbrother so that if/when they DO go to court he can play the good guy act. Once court is done, he'll go right back to being abusive.

Also - DCS has been called previously and they interviewed my stepbrother with his dad in the room. Real professional. My stepbrother's dad also has cameras all throughout the house so that if my stepbrother told on him he would enact more abuse. I hate that I don't live in the state and I'm not familiar with their custody laws. Not sure how DCS works in Florida but they don't seem good at their jobs.

My kids do not see mom often but when they do it is high conflict. Over the past year they began opening up about her verbal and physical abuse.

My kids have told me how she would make them strip naked to get whooped with a belt, that they got belted in the shower with their skin wet.

These are all things slowly revealed to me and that I have no hard proof of. They said she hasn’t pulled a belt out since they’ve been living with me because they told her they would never go back if she did. But these last two visits are hard for me to just listen to.

My previous lawyer was ready to file for modification of custody but he left the firm on a FMLA and have a new lawyer.

The new lawyer keeps telling me to wait and see how visitations goes this summer but I don’t know when enough is enough.

My kids have called me daily since Thursday to tell me how she is cussing them out and calling them names. She snatched my sons (11) device when I was talking to him and told him he can never call me again because he was telling me how she had gotten physical with him (she put her hands around his neck) and he sent pictures of a scratch on his arm (last time at Christmas she scratched his face forcing him to face a corner).

I have this conversation recorded along with her snatching the iPad and telling him he would get beat with a belt if he stepped in her room to get it while calling me a b*tch. My eldest (13) is the only one left with a phone and she has been updating me, deleting her messages so mom won’t see.

I’m just ready to drive out of state and pick them up at this point and take any consequence that comes.

They are supposed to be back on the 8th and we have court on the 27th of this month to deal with contempt charges from the last trip in December when she did the same thing and ignored my messages on OFW the entire week only to message me half an hour before the kids were supposed to be back to tell me she was just leaving TN.

Looking for advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Do I call for wellness check, drive up? I don’t want my kids exposed to anymore abuse.

When does the court say enough is enough? And what modifications can I ask for moving forward? Mandatory counseling?

Been dealing with this for 3 years now.
When I was 4 months postpartum with a fresh tiny little baby, I was involved in a child custody dispute. I was in court for a year over my daughter who wasn’t even 1 year old yet. A year of disagreements until finally we got in front of a judge who didn’t know us from Adam and had to make the final decision for us. The man I was with (her dad) was an alcoholic. He lied to me and he lied ON ME. I brought him to court because I knew there was never going to be peace involved with him. I needed something in writing and a schedule that couldn’t be broken. I needed it to say he cannot threaten to hold my baby from me and that when she was in his care I would be able to get her back. I needed it on paper that he was to not ride around drinking and driving with my child in the car. My biggest fear was that he may get drunk, get behind the wheel, and have a wreck. Then I’d no longer have her. But the system? The world we live in today? That didn’t matter. Pretty sure he paid more in lawyer fees than I did. They gave him joint legal custody and to pay “xxx” amount of child support. We still follow the 50/50 custody today due to the fact he doesn’t go out of town to work anymore since we split. He owes me over 19 grand pushing 20 next month. There is nothing in writing stating that this man cannot drive my child around and doesn’t have a driver license because he failed to attend court dates from previous DUI’s in the state he previously lived. Fast forward today, he is serving a felony DUI sentence in the state we both currently reside in (house arrest not prison). With that being said he is on probation (I have the circuit clerk filed papers in my email) Now, we (me and my family) are in the process of moving to the state where we (me and Childs father) are from and also where he was before he was mandated to come live in this state for a year and with him having joint legal custody he has a say in where she will attend school. He doesn’t agree and says he wants her to attend school in the state where he’s serving his felony dui sentence. So with no agreement that means we have to go back to court right? I don’t have the money to get another lawyer. And by no means am I trying to take his time away from our daughter, but the schedule we have now isn’t going to work due to the fact my oldest starts kindergarten and I also have a 7 month old. Also, with him being on probation from my understanding he cannot cross state lines so when we do swap her I will have to bring her to the state he’s serving sentence or meet halfway. I have requested arrest records and charges from the local county jail where he was arrested back in February and was told that I have to have a lawyer to access that. Again, I can’t afford a lawyer. I need the records to show that I can give better stability, and her dad’s actions are an ongoing pattern. It took getting him in drug court, attending AA meetings, and getting on house arrest to force him to stop his reckless behavior. Needless to say a little bird informed me that he violated his probation one month into living in the state he’s serving his dui sentence where he is currently on house arrest so maybe he thought he would get away with it, but they showed him that they were serious this time. I don’t put it past him to go back to his ways when his one year is up because he truly thinks he is above the law. I also think this punishment was a slap on the wrist and the system doesn’t take things seriously until a drunk driver kills themselves or an innocent person in the car or someone driving on the road themselves. I also went to the chancery court to request a modification in the custody order and was told I need a lawyer again.. Even though that is not true. Arrest records and charges are public record. And you can represent yourself in court (pro se) but they keep saying I have to have a lawyer.

We will move in less than a month to our home where my oldest daughter is starting kindergarten and my youngest babies will attend daycare. We will be on a structured routine. We will have a schedule. I’ve read that it can take “weeks” or “months” to get free legal help. How will I continue this schedule in the midst of bringing my children to school, going to work, and swapping her out in the middle of the week causing her to be absent from school?

All I am requesting is that we change our schedule to one weekend out of the month, middle of the year school breaks, and summer break and that she remain in my primary care during the week because all of the children in our household need stability and to be with their siblings. She also needs her parent with a valid license to drive her to and from appointments. She also needs a mom who can work to support her since her dad doesn’t help in daycare fees (which is also contempt of our current order) and child support. We also are moving to this state to be closer to my fiances work because he is our primary source of income when she is in our care. The school system in the state we’re moving to is also rated better than the one he wants to send her to. It is beneficial for her to say the least. Willing to take advice!

important boundaries around privacy and nudity are not being respected here, and now my son has witnessed this.

I share my son 50/50 time with his dad. Dad has a girlfriend, been dating about a year. I believe they live together, or for all important purposes she spends her time there at least (my ex wont confirm or deny and it hasn't been an issue to me up until this point.)

She seems like a nice girl, we have had no issues. My ex and I are toxic as all hell and so avoid communication where at all necessary. Dad lives in a 1 bedroon apartment, and my son sleeps on a bunk above my exs bed. My son (9) came home from last visit saying that one morning he woke up and climbed down to pee, and dad's GF was completely naked, uncovered, and sprawled on the bed. He saw everything. He says he knew he wasnt supposed to, so he climbed back up and waited to go to the bathroom until after his dad and gf had woken up and got dressed. This just sat wrong with me. I dont think it was an intentional act of indecency towards my son, but my son does share a bedroom with them, and he shouldnt have to be greeted to a new day by his ex girlfriends bare parts.

They do have an air conditioner in their apartment, and they have a blanket which my son assumes fell off of her. I brought this, unceremoniously as with as much grace as a rhinoceros, to my ex, and asked if they could avoid having sex or having his girlfriend be naked and exposed 3 feet from where my son sleeps and wakes. He told me I was being stupid, and to kind my own business and stay in my own lane. I replied id be happy to show him just how far out of my lane im able to go if his girlfriend is exposed again in front of my son cause fuck that.

I again understand it was in error and not intentional however my son was uncomfortable and so am I. This girl already walks around in bras around my son and I dont love that but have rationalized she clearly is jusg a comfortable person as she has been in bras when I have dropped my son off and been casual about it. But this is just weird. What do I do? What SHOULD I do? I know this wasnt intentional but also know it isnt ok to my son to see that in his private space and be exposed to that in a room he shares with dad. I dont want to feel like im blowing it out of proportion...but Ive been known to send it a time or two as well so sometimes I gotta check myself . How do I communicate thid safely and I n a way dad will understand? My son knows safe bodies and public vs private and safe vs unsafe adults he knows all that.

Update: reached out to ex to try to address issue. Was told to stay in my own lane, that I cant control the rules there, and to mind my own business. Spoke with Child services, worker reached out to him to apparently "give him a warning". Said if my son reports it again, that they could maybe help. Ex has stated that he will be "having a serious talking to eith our son about lying" however I know wheb my son is lying and this was truthful. Ex told CAS worker GF had on undies and a bra. Son confirmed that was absolutely not true. Worker is going to come speak to my son next week herself. If this was a girl child and a man adult it would be taken seriously and im pissed that its not. Have told ex I will happily show him just how far out of my lane I am capable of going if his girlfriend ever expises herself to my son again, but im so creeped out and uncomfortable about it its not rigjt, im scared my son will not talk to me now after his "talking to" from dad. I feel like I cant protect him :(

I moved to MN to take a break from the children’s father. We lived with my father and step mother for 18 months. They were always with me besides school, and the exception of work for a few times here and there.

My Step Mother hit me twice in front of my children and I called the police on her as she is a paralegal and claimed “she would call the cops on me and say I’m drunk and hit her.” I never touched her.

After my Step Mother tried to get a protective order against me with my children and same with their father. (He wasn’t present he lived in VA)

She was granted the protective order against her but the order was not granted for the children.

They proceeded to file for 3rd party custody again.

My father opened up a cps case and it was closed.

My children were not taken from me and I was allowed to leave with them. We planned to move to VA after my daughter graduated but they kicked me out of the home.

They are now saying I’m unfit and an alcoholic.

What do I do?

My ex is forcing trial against the GAL and custody study recommendations. The children have done the GAL schedule over a year and said they do not want it to change. The investigators were fully aligned on a 65/35 schedule. That was solidified by ongoing issues, not just historical ones and also highlighted ongoing concern with 30-50 minute commute my ex created from the kids school, activities, and community. While I requested increase in time during studies, I am aligning with the GAL, study, kids, and status quo for trial. My ex is demanding 50/50.

I provided extensive documentation to the GAL and investigator. It resulted in a 30 page document that my lawyer said is very scathing towards my ex. However, it was sealed to attorney and judge eyes only due to the contents. I did report emotional abuse of the children, but not being able to read the single biggest piece of evidence that judge will examine is hard.

My lawyer said this judge has a very low tolerance for parents going back and forth with text. She basically checks out and won't even listen. His plan is to focus on few big things of the commute, stability with me as primary caregiver, and children's wishes.

My ex and his lawyer mostly have focused on attacking me and saying any issues raised about him don't exist. I always have evidence for the GAL, so most of his issues have just fizzled out. Yet, I feel very exposed just trying I don't need much to defend myself from whatever they try to pull at trial. Is it common when you side with the third party professionals to largely rely on their recommendations? What if my ex somehow discredits both?

I 28M and my now ex fiancé 25F stay at home mom are splitting up after approx 3 years. We have a 15 month old. I have suffered with PTSD( Covid worker/watched family members die in front of me/been physically abused) , depression,anxiety , and my ex has depression/post partum . There is NO verbal or physical abuse or cheating in this relationship . She came to me last week and stated she could not do this anymore and ZERO reconciliation can happen now. She states she only wants to talk about our child/movingon. No couples therapy, no counseling, no break a part. I developed a SEVERE gambling addiction 9 months ago and it took a huge toll ( lies, debt,etc.) and she stated that as long as I was getting help she would work on things. I have been going to GA, therapy, not gambling, and pouring more into our family but now she states that it’s too late. She states she feels drained. She doesn’t have the energy for us anymore. This destroyed me because I love her, and I love our son. Ultimately I respect her choice, even though I’d do anything to get my family back.

She still wishes to nest co- parent in the same house until she can get a job, I’ve been working INSANE 12 hour night shifts for like 8 days in a row trying to get out of debt. I bought us a house, bought her her own car and still pay for everything. She does not cook or clean or pour into working on herself. I bought her a gym membership and told her that i want us to get mentally well and that i don’t want to pressure her, but i need a plan and deadlines for when she can leave.

I am destroyed. I told her i take accountability for not being the partner/spouse and Dad i should be. I came clean about everything when this happened months ago. She’s states she doesn’t want court involvement but wants to leave and take our son and have him primarily sleep with her. And i visit whenever I can. She has mentioned “ i don’t know what God has planned” whenever I talk about working on us but she states she can’t do it now.

Question;
how do i keep my sanity, cure and rebuild myself, and also be fair towards her and helping all of us?

How can i make sure i have a good relationship with my son?

And i feel hopeless, how do you deal with this level of doom and grief ?

Is there anyway that if i can get my shit together and man up, that i can have my family back?

And if not does this ever get better?

Not necessarily just for US but it's actually for everywhere.
I was wondering if any adults here that had divorced parents and one parent moving you away from the other parent?
Briefly describe what you remember in your life during that time and how are you doing now?

Another question is if anyone here who has adult children that grew up getting moved away by you?
Did they eventually moved back to the other parent when had the chance?
Or later on, the Court Order got switched for whatever reason (state the reasons)?
If you moved the child away, did they resent you or favor you more now?

I'm not a product of a Move Away but I am a product of divorced parents, because my Dad left for work reasons, he wanted to bring us but my mom didn't want to move and at least with me, not sure what my siblings thought, but I didn't want to move.

So my situation isn't what I wanted to know about. Wanted to know stores of adults that was a product of a Move Away situation. And also wanted to know stories of their adult children that you moved away from the other parent. I have an 11 yr old son and 9 yr old daughter that's being moved away from me. I just wanted insights how kids from a move away situation especially if you as a parent moved them away. Thanks

Child Custody Revision

[CA] - My custody order goes like this. My ex gets 4 weeks of vacation with our kid;I get 1 week. In the past, I get my loss custody days backs due to her vacation interfers with my custody days. This year, I told her that I want the loss custody days back, she said no. Also, per the Stipulation and Order, I'm entitled to 4th of July with my kid on odd numbered years. She denied me of this date so far.

I retained a lawyer, all she did was reviwed my court order and reviewed my write up as to why I deserve for more parenting times. We haven't filed a single document with the court yet and it costed me $3,475 so far. I dont have another $10K sitting around and my ex knows it that's why she's not following court order. She knows that I can't afford a lawyer.

I want more times with my kid, but can't afford to keep my blood sucking lawyer. If this drags on, it will cost me over $10K easily.

What are my options? Ask for a discount?

Father here. Childs mom doesn’t respond to calls or texts for 2 years, I’ve only seen my child under 10 times whenever she does decide to respond. She suffers from severe mental health issues “bipolar 1 with psychotic features”. During this 2 year gap, she’s been taken to a psych ward by police and EMS because she was referring to our child as the Antichrist during an episode. Another incident was when she was believed to be sleeping in the car with our child by nursing staff another time she admitted herself to the psych ward. CPS was also notified during the 2nd incident, not sure the outcome. I also have a text where she was claiming herself and our child will meet the “Trinity” soon, I’m guessing the holy trinity. She’s also lost custody of her first child 10 years ago from another relationship if that matters.

I’ve filed for 50/50 physical custody and 100% legal custody. I just want to finally spend time with my child. What do you think the outcome will be?

My ex-husband and I went through a very drawn-out custody battle. He's a very controlling person and loves to use threats and physical intimidation to get his way. He was abusive during our marriage. We had an 80/20 parenting schedule for 2 years during the divorce process, with me having the 80%.

During the last couple years, his work schedule changed quite a few times, and when he found out he would be off every Friday, he demanded that he get every single Friday with our toddler. I felt this was unreasonable. I do all the school pick up/drop offs, all the appointments, her speech therapy, all the non-fun stuff a normal parent should do, and he just wants the fun times only. I wanted to be able to have a longer weekend, too, but he didn't care. I fought for 80% because he's not a safe, reliable, or stable person.

He threatened to take me to trial for 50/50 if I didn't give him his every single Friday. In the end, the judge gave him every Friday, and I got everything else I asked for. I now have 75% and he has 25%. On his weekends, he picks her up from school (or my house in the summer) at 10:30am. and keeps her for his weekend. On the Fridays before my weekend, he still picks her up at 10:30 am, but then I drive 30-40 minutes to pick her up that evening at 6:00pm for my weekend. Final orders were given 3 months ago.

I just received a text from him requesting a parenting time change. He now has to work every single Friday and can't pick her up at 10:30am. He's suggesting that she stay with me until he gets off work and picks her up at 4:00pm. It's so frustrating because he demanded every Friday and I knew this would happen. I replied back that I am open to changing the schedule, but instead, I think we should drop the Friday pick up that is before my weekend. Why have him pick-up at 4pm and drive her 30-40 minutes to his home, to then have me drive out there and pick up at 6:00pm and then drive our child back to my house another 30-40 minutes. The back and forth is too much. I agreed to keep her until 4pm on his Fridays, but drop the short visitation on the Fridays before my weekend.

He said, "I'm not giving up any Fridays if that's what you're suggesting. I can pick her up every Friday at 4pm."

The audacity is mind-blowing, but I can't say I'm surprised. I'm really struggling with what to do.

I’ve been in a custody battle for a year against my ex who decided after a year and a half and a new girlfriend that he wanted 50/50 custody.

Because the reason we broke up was due to heavy violence this has been a hard year filled with evidence I didn't want to have to go through.

I just came back from my final hearing. It was uneventful, some conclusions were exchanged and evidence was turned in. The whole hearing probably lasted 20 minutes.

I expected to feel relief to close this chapter (we don't get the results for another month). But instead I feel completely devastated. Depressed. Exhausted. Almost grieving.

Why do I feel like this? We don't have any results yet, so there's no reason for me to feel this sad.

So I just won an out of state custody battle against the grandmother of my 2 year old child. The mother of my child gave her guardianship without my knowledge and said I abandoned the child. Battle went on for over a year and a half including them blocking me from contact with my child. January of this year I was able to finally make contact with my child and start daily calls. They threw away my gifts I sent my child for Christmas and her birthday, always talk bad about me, my family, and where I’m from.

Anyway I’ve had my child officially a week and the grandmother does not stop texting my phone. I respected her privacy and texted if necessary when she had my child but this woman just won’t stop. She wants daily phone calls like she gave me (even tho I’m the father), wants visitation with my child, and many more stuff. Thing is I’m all for the mother to have daily calls and visitation if she stays sober but the grandmother I’m trying to work with her but it feels like she try’s to pressure me into giving her everything. I texted her about respecting boundaries and she just completely ignores that.

So far I’ve allowed daily calls with grandma as best as I can but I’m in the middle of trying to help my daughter with the transition with living with me and getting her moved in to my house. All they do is say “grandma loves you and give me a kiss” when we’re on the call which obviously I’m okay with but the mother of my child has only called twice. When she calls it has to be with grandmother and she will not text me. She doesn’t really say anything but repeat what the grandmother says to my child then just stares. I know it’s hard for the mom and I’m trying to be there for her but all she tells me is I’m gonna rot in hell and I’m a pos for doing this to her.

Can anyone just lmk what I should do like I want to keep her family around my child and I’m being pretty nice to them after everything they have done and said to me for years but I’m just not sure what to do at all.

My sister is being told by friends that she should file for emergency orders and divorce from her husband who has been financially abusive, verbally abusive, and sexually abusive to her and is beginning to show a pattern of physical and emotional abuse to their son when she tries to set boundaries or gain any independence. She’s afraid it won’t be approved and he will lash out majorly. Anyone have experiences they can share that might help her weigh her options?

My fiancé has 2 dismissed dv charges from 15 years ago resulting from a custody battle with his child’s mother (he had full custody at the time of the allegations and has had full custody to date). Both charges were dismissed and there was overwhelming evidence in the first charge that she was lying (her own friends and family submitted letters that they were there and she was lying). The second charge were allegations of dv to my fiancé’s child, cps checked it out and returned the child to my fiancé immediately. The mother also has a history of substance abuse and mental health issues that she admitted to the court herself. A few years later he filed a restraining order against her for harassment. He tried his best to allow her in their child’s life even after the false allegations but she remains uninvolved for the most part.

I have an every other weekend and holiday schedule with my child, her father has primary custody. This is partially due to a past partner of mine abusing me in front of her. I have waited a significant amount of time to move in with my fiancé due to a number of factors, but mostly building up the trust with my child again and also making sure that my now fiancé is a healthy relationship which he has been extremely understanding of. My child and fiancé have a great relationship and they have expressed many times how happy they are we are getting married and moving in together.

Now that we will be moving in together I am expecting my child’s father to take me to court over my fiances dismissed charges. What is likely to happen?

Washington state, US
My fiancé has 2 dismissed dv charges from 15 years ago resulting from a custody battle with his child’s mother (he had full custody at the time of the allegations and has had full custody to date). Both charges were dismissed and there was overwhelming evidence in the first charge that she was lying (her own friends and family submitted letters that they were there and she was lying). The second charge were allegations of dv to my fiancé’s child, cps checked it out and returned the child to my fiancé immediately. The mother also has a history of substance abuse and mental health issues that she admitted to the court herself. A few years later he filed a restraining order against her for harassment. He tried his best to allow her in their child’s life even after the false allegations but she remains uninvolved for the most part.

I have an every other weekend and holiday schedule with my child, her father has primary custody. This is partially due to a past partner of mine abusing me in front of her. I have waited a significant amount of time to move in with my fiancé due to a number of factors, but mostly building up the trust with my child again and also making sure that my now fiancé is a healthy relationship which he has been extremely understanding of. My child and fiancé have a great relationship and they have expressed many times how happy they are we are getting married and moving in together.

Now that we will be moving in together I am expecting my child’s father to take me to court over my fiances dismissed charges. Can this affect my custody?

Has anyone hired a paraprofessional to do all the beginning work for modification,child support etc. And if needed to go to trial hired an attorney to help them in court? I am trying to financially do it the best way possible to consolidate funds?

Can someone also recommend a good paraprofessional in az?

Thanks!