u/blob4life_4ever

Do they care?

I have proof now that my STBXH made false allegations against me, which led to a 2 month (later unfounded) CPS investigation of ME while HE was in rehab. He has been slandering me to others since I’ve been postpartum (can prove all of his allegations untrue) and taking screenshots trying to “frame” me (such as me texting that I was picking up my oxycodone prescription for my c-section recovery, or that I said I wished I had an abortipn DURING PREGNANCY). When I found out that he was using substances, I told him to leave and he went to rehab. Then he told his rehab that I threatened to “unalive” our infant (such a lie I’ve never yelled at her) and that I abuse opiates (also a lie). And I guess he admitted to his own opiate use which I didn’t know about (he later denies this).

Anyway, my postpartum experience has been hell because of him. The state report confirms that it was his lies that triggered my investigation. Yet he and his family are trying to blame me or my family, even in court.

… Would a judge even care about this? I plan to pursue civil litigation for this and other abuse.

I have a baby who is about 8 months old now. I’m going through a high-conflict divorce with a compulsive lying emotional/sexual cyber crime abuser who currently doesn’t have visitation due to substance abuse that I discovered and promptly told him to leave. He will start having visitation next month. My family have been her secondary caregiver (babysitters) Monday through Thursday when I work. I’m with her every single night and then alone with her for 4 days. She does not really nap as she’s been going through a sleep regression (or if she does, it is a cat nap and must be a contact nap). So I am just exhausted having no break except for when I’m working. I love her and she’s such a sweet baby but I’m so so so so tired and stressed. Her father is making my life hell with his lies, legal abuse, and attempts at control. I’m really finally at a breaking point after 4+ months of this.

Would it be wrong to get an Airbnb for a night while my family watches her so that I can unwind and get some sleep? I have only ever been away from her for 2 nights since she was born (she was with babysitters) due to medical issues. I feel selfish because she’s used to being with me and I fear that my ex will find out and will hold it against me or bring it up in court. I’m terrified of what tricks he has up his sleeve.

It was an (unfounded) NYC case where I was a subject due to lies. I’ve requested records from the city and state (requested the state record on the online NYS government website) and ACS through their process. I’m more interested in the state report but it’s been almost 2 months and I haven’t gotten it yet.

City in New Jersey.

My ex took a lot of secret non-consensual photos of me mostly from behind while changing, sleeping (pulling down my pants to take a photo of my behind in a thong), or walking away in a thong and otherwise nude—some photos exposed my upper body without a bra too. He was also my former graduate school professor and I was still a student in the program at the time that some were taken.

When someone mentioned it to him, he claimed that they were consensual and “part of our sex life”. LIE. I have always expressed discomfort with photos and refused to send them, and even have proof of me stating that and other related statements over texts. He had them stored on his computer and phone which I found when I was looking for evidence of something else. We are already in litigation over a separate issue related to other illegal actions of his.

If I went to the police to report it (with evidence of them, evidence it came from his computer, Reddit posts and texts expressing disgust right after finding them, texts that I am uncomfortable with photos, could even have other ex’s testify if needed that I’ve always said that, etc.), would they take me seriously? Would it go to the DA and if so would they do anything? What could happen to him?

I had an unfounded CPS case related to my soon-to-be-ex making up lies and admitting his own illegal activities (which when I found out about them, I got our baby away from him). The caseworker was incredibly kind and helped us feel at ease. The case has been closed for a month. Is it okay to send her something at the office to thank her? Our custody case may be going to trial which is why I’m hesitant because I’m unsure if they’d ever call her as a witness to testify.

New to the high-conflict divorce process and sorting out custody, which will likely go to trial. My STBXH makes $70,000 more than me and has a wealthy family, is forcing me to stay in an area that I cannot afford that he doesn’t like but he CAN afford (relevant because he can afford a lawyer easily but I’m struggling). My finances are drained. We are court-ordered to communicate on the OurFamilyWizard app. But every time I message him, whether it is about childcare costs (which he’s required to contribute to per the court order and he did not) or parenting schedules, he reroutes me to have my lawyer contact his lawyer or his contact mine instead of answering a simple question or using FEATURES on the app that don’t require communication (such as inputting a parenting schedule into OFW). He’s draining me financially and is refusing to pay my legal fees. I told him that I cannot afford to go through lawyers weekly and to please put it in OFW.

This feels like financial/legal abuse. Kind of a rant but what can I do? I’m so tired of it being his way, when we have an app where we can do this easily. Cool, his lawyer said (x)? Well I have a lawyer too, and she said (x) and it’s less trouble and money.

TW: non-consensual sexual photos and mention of r\*pe charges.

I am going through a bad divorce and custody battle with a compulsive liar, creep, substance abusing gaslighter who endangered our baby with secret substance abuse (and he went to rehab). I found on his laptop pics of me in a thong with my pants pulled down while sleeping, changing after sex nearly nude, walking in a thong to the bathroom. I have always said that I am uncomfortable with naked or risqué photos due to body image issues, and fear of them being saved/spread. Yet he did it anyway. For years. He told his lawyer that I had consented to the photos and that it was “part of our sex life”. LIE!

I am just so disgusted by his delusional lies and COMPLETE inability to take accountability. He’s trying to make it out to be that I’m “plotting to exclude him” from our daughter’s life which is simply untrue. Always “plotting” something against him, rather than me reacting to what he’s done wrong. He even lied to a mutual friend and said that me and my family are “plotting to file false r\\\*pe charges” against him (this is before I found out about the pics so maybe he was trying to get ahead of it to destroy my credibility).

The pics make it obvious that I did not know that they were happening and I’ve never sent him or anyone those types of pics before. But I am so terrified of him and the impact of his lies. Help? He’s very charming, phony, and polite and I am afraid that people will believe him and it completely invalidates my anguish.

TW: non-consensual sexual photos and mention of r*pe charges.

I am going through a bad divorce and custody battle with a compulsive liar, creep, substance abusing gaslighter who endangered our baby with secret substance abuse (and he went to rehab). I found on his laptop pics of me in a thong with my pants pulled down while sleeping, changing after sex nearly nude, walking in a thong to the bathroom. I have always said that I am uncomfortable with naked or risqué photos due to body image issues, and fear of them being saved/spread. Yet he did it anyway. For years. Plus, he was my professor in grad school and we started dating while I was still in the program, and some of those pictures were taken then which is definitely a violation of school policy. I got an order of protection over the photos and a substance-related issue. He told his lawyer that I had consented to the photos and that it was “part of our sex life”. LIE! He also had his lawyer tell the judge that I can’t contact his job (I hadn’t) but I feel like it is silencing me from reporting a legit violation.

I am just so disgusted by his delusional lies and COMPLETE inability to take accountability. He’s trying to make it out to be that I’m “plotting to exclude him” from our daughter’s life which is simply untrue. Always “plotting” something against him, rather than me reacting to what he’s done wrong. He even lied to a mutual friend and said that me and my family are “plotting to file false r\*pe charges” against him (this is before I found out about the pics so maybe he was trying to get ahead of it to destroy my credibility). I’ve even said he’s never raped me. I’m very honest. I just wish he could be. The judge can seen the pictures but I’m so afraid that they’ll believe him that I “consented” to this because again, I don’t.

TW: non-consensual photos and mention of r*pe charges.

am going through a bad divorce and custody battle with a compulsive liar, creep, substance abusing gaslighter who endangered our baby with secret substance abuse (and he went to rehab). I found on his laptop pics of me in a thong with my pants pulled down while sleeping, changing after sex nearly nude, walking in a thong to the bathroom. I have always said that I am uncomfortable with naked or risqué photos due to body image issues, and fear of them being saved/spread. Yet he did it anyway. For years. Plus, he was my professor in grad school and we started dating while I was still in the program, and some of those pictures were taken then which is definitely a violation of school policy. I got an order of protection over the photos and a substance-related issue. He told his lawyer that I had consented to the photos and that it was “part of our sex life”. LIE! He also had his lawyer tell the judge that I can’t contact his job (I hadn’t) but I feel like it is silencing me from reporting a legit violation.

I am just so disgusted by his delusional lies and COMPLETE inability to take accountability. He’s trying to make it out to be that I’m “plotting to exclude him” from our daughter’s life which is simply untrue. Always “plotting” something against him, rather than me reacting to what he’s done wrong. He even lied to a mutual friend and said that me and my family are “plotting to file false r*pe charges” against him (this is before I found out about the pics so maybe he was trying to get ahead of it to destroy my credibility). I’ve even said he’s never raped me. I’m very honest. I just wish he could be. The judge can seen the pictures but I’m so afraid that they’ll believe him that I “consented” to this because again, I don’t.

Currently am separated and have full physical custody of our 10 month old. He will soon be getting every other weekend and visitation 1x weekly. He makes 150K and I make 75K. Yet he’s trying to force me to stay in a specific region of our HCOL city, where he chose to rent a place in again without consulting me (he could have chose a region of our city that is much closer to the suburbs and he can afford to live wherever he wants). Our plan was always to move our child to the suburbs after a few years. I can’t afford to live here and I have mobility issues that make carrying a stroller on public transit without help very difficult. Child support payments will go entirely to rent and I’m sure once he’s hit with the support payments, he will fight for more custody. My mom and dad live in the suburbs and they have been our child’s babysitters when I work since she was born. These suburbs has way better schools and is safer. I also want to move closer to my parents because they’re elderly and it’s hard for them to travel here to babysit and sometimes outright not possible and I’ve had to take off work some days.

What’s the likelihood that a court would block relocation?

I’m in the process of a divorce with a baby and have no money to move and my lease ends in a few months which is currently being paid for by someone else (which won’t continue onward). I don’t think it’s possible to move outside of the city legally. I only make 70K. I’m terrified.

How?

Sorry to vent here but I need some support and advice (from internet strangers). I’m in therapy.

My husband is diagnosed with narcissism/BPD traits. I don’t mean to be discriminatory. We have an infant. But I am so traumatized; from the smear campaigns, gaslighting, twisting whenever I express emotions about things he’s done wrong in a rational way, isolating me postpartum and having his mom stay for 5+ weeks against my will, and compulsive lying (so bad that it led to a false CPS report against me with his lies AND a report against him due to his own admissions in rehab, where but I had to deal with weekly visits while he “healing”). Oh, and guess who is being blamed for the report despite being named in it and it coming from his rehab? Yep.

Narratives are being twisted and I know that the (legit) slander isn’t stopping. I also found non-consensual photos of me changing and/or in a thong walking away or pulled down my pants to get a photo of my thong while I was sleeping (to make matters worse, he was my former grad school professor and I was still a student in the program where he began doing it). I expressed from the beginning that I am uncomfortable with such photos. And of course, he and his family are twisting it even in official reports of me “violating his privacy” for investigating on his computer which I had the password for.

Anyway, whenever my lawyer asks to call or sends an update I get such bad anxiety/fight-or-flight symptoms. It feels like a trauma response. And this custody battle is going to be a long one. Besides therapy, does anyone have advice? Or can commiserate? Thank you.

I am in the throes of a high-conflict custody/divorce case. I have an infant. New to being a single mom.

My ex and his (rich) family (who can afford to bury me in legal fees) are very cold and strategic and are making every thing go through lawyers. Using very mild, non-inflammatory text about something adjacent to divorce discussions from a relative of mine as “evidence”. I can’t speak my truth of the abuse or mistreatment I went through yet he and his family get to go around town trashing my name to every one. I am not the type of person to not speak up when injustice is happening to myself or loved ones but I can’t (for the sake of the custody case over our baby/the divorce generally) and it’s so frustrating. I feel silenced. Does anyone else feel this way and how do you deal with it other than therapy?

I am in the throes of a high-conflict custody and divorce case and have an infant.

My ex and his (rich) family (who can afford to bury me in legal fees) are very cold and strategic and are making every communication go through lawyers. They are even using a very mild, non-inflammatory text about something adjacent to divorce discussions from a relative of mine as “evidence”. I can’t speak my truth of the abuse or mistreatment I went through yet he and his family get to go around town trashing my name to every one. I am not the type of person to not speak up when injustice is happening to myself or loved ones but I can’t (for the sake of the custody case over our baby/the divorce generally) and it’s so frustrating. I feel silenced. Does anyone else feel this way and how do you deal with it other than therapy?

I know that prophylactic antibiotics (EDIT: long-term, not just a dose before surgery) is not the norm, but I’ve had doctors give it to me before/after surgery because I have T1 Diabetes and hypothyroidism. However, I had 2 surgeries this year that resulted in cellulitis because the doctors only gave me a large dose of antibiotics just before surgery. Dealing with an infected incision again now. I wish doctors would listen and prescribe antibiotics prophylactically (or at least to have on hand at the first signs of infection) because we know our bodies better than them.

Sorry to rant but I’m so frustrated.

After lies, substance abuse, a rehab stay (which led to a false CPS report on me due to his lies and one on him due to an admission of some sort), gaslighting, a CPS-suggested order of protection and custody petition, his family icing me out and being nasty when they saw me in person, almost $20,000 spent, him not showing up to the first hearing because I guess that’s how much he doesn’t want to see me and is a coward, switching attorneys because of my prior attorney being too overextended for a high-conflict case, him trying to stop me legally from relocating not far away to an area that I can afford, his lawyers pushing for overnights straight out of rehab and endangering our baby, my ex is refusing to meet and settle. My former attorney asked his lawyer 3 times over weeks if he’d be willing to meet and they kept deflecting, but eventually gave a weak yes, though they never scheduled a meeting. His lawyer is running up his bill and riling him up. But he’s also very passive aggressive, strategic, and paints me as the enemy rather than taking a holistic look at the situation and what he did wrong as well (which was way worse than any of my reactions to it). So I do think that he is avoiding me, probably under the guise of his sobriety “healing journey”. His infant daughter’s well-being and our living situation is involved. But instead he is being petty. If he won’t let me move to my parents’ house to save money and then get an apartment in that area (again, not even far away), I’ll be homeless and he will get custody by default. He and his family are pushing parenting time despite a judge’s orders, and are asking if they can take the changing table and baby monitor as if all will go back to normal tomorrow. He’s going for 50/50 custody which is not in her best interest at her age. And he can’t even stay up past 8-9pm and I’ve been with her almost every night since she was born.

I’m frustrated and scared for me and my daughter’s housing and financial situation. There is so much to discuss and one or two meetings could cover it. I cannot afford to go to trial, but he can. It also hurts that he sees me as so evil that he refuses to communicate and whenever I send him a message on OFW about things related to our child, he tells me to speak to his lawyer.

Any words of support are encouraged!

Fashion trends from 1910s onward have been pretty cyclical—trends from one era come back around later (such as now, early 2000s clothes and makeup are back in style). But fashion from the 1700s-1800s and before that have not, except for maybe corsets (like SJP in Hocus Pocus) and costumes/cosplay/larping.

Why hasn’t fashion from those time periods cycled back? Or have they and I have just not noticed it?

I have a strong sense of justice. I’ve done a lot of things wrong in life and I am not morally perfect. Yet, I have an extremely strong sense of justice and always take accountability for my wrongdoings (I believe, but no one’s perfect). And it makes me feel awful and angry and is so consuming. Probably another ADHD symptom.

My soon to be ex husband, his family, and his lawyer are infuriating me. His family and friends don’t see my side of the story. Instead, they enable his victim narrative, which ignores that he put our child’s well-being at risk, his compulsive lying, his reputation smearing, his disrespect of me postpartum and in pregnancy, substance abuse, non-consensual sexual photos taken of me that I found… but I know that they will never take my side. He is such a fake liar and people see him as Mr. Nice Guy. Other people not seeing it or knowing the truth is enraging. And I doubt he will face any consequences.

What’s a way to get over this obsession with justice?

It’s a mind-f*ck and I wish that they could see my side of the story instead of enabling his victim narrative, which ignores that he put our child’s well-being at risk, his lying, his disrespect, non-consensual sexual photos taken of me that I found… but I know that they will never take my side. It just hurts that there is so much hate and tension and the injustice of it all makes me feel angry.