r/breakingmom

For the record, we generally end up sitting down to eat somewhere between 7 and 8. It’s not ideal, but I work until 5:30 or 6 most days and then have to try and make dinner while the toddler is screaming for attention and snacks. Also, I’m not trying to be ungrateful because I know some husbands won’t even offer to cook dinner. But hearing that from my husband last night really pissed me off.

This is the guy that openly admits he mostly at Five Guys and Chipotle before we started dating.

This is the guy who thinks you make scrambled eggs by cracking raw eggs into a cold pan and then start beating them to death with 2 wooden spoons once the whites start solidifying. If you have fillings, you add them after the eggs are cooked by also beating them to death with your spoons. And on the topic of eggs, this is also the guy that decided to surprise me with eggs filled with cinnamon, nutmeg, and strawberry jelly one morning because he “thought they’d be fun secret ingredients.”

This is the guy who, when I try to get him to pick ONE meal for the week to help lighten the mental load, will respond with, “um… chicken?” and then make me pull his teeth to get the additional details of “a breast cooked in a skillet with salt and pepper?” No sides, no actual meal. Just salt and pepper chicken breast.

This is the guy that looks in the fridge full of fully stocked ingredients and decides we have no food so he needs to eat Cheerios for dinner.

The man thinks he’s a nutritional expert because he “only eats organic and ‘non-processed’ foods.” Meanwhile, I’m the one who has spent the last several years working with nutritionists/dietitians and learning about plate balancing and what foods support our medical needs (thyroid issues, insulin resistance, etc). He makes up his own pseudoscience about what’s healthy but won’t actually eat the healthy meals I make.

And don’t even get me started on his inability to multitask or follow a recipe even if I could get him to actually meal plan and do the shopping.

So please explain to me how this is supposed to work. I’m honestly tempted to freezer prep a week of meals for me and my daughter and then let him have his week of being the main cook just to see how terribly this goes.

My ex and I have been divorced for 2.5 years. We were amicable until his girlfriend became pregnant and started acting like mom to my kids, 7 and 9.

When we were still married, we discussed wanting to move school systems for the kids by middle school.

In June I bought a house in one of the best school systems in the state. It’s 1 hour from my ex, almost exactly. I got served on Friday. He filed for primary custody because he thinks my move and commute isn’t in the kids best interests.

And I am so beyond devastated, disgusted, and horrified… it’s all I’ve been able to think about for days. Every time I think of it I can’t stop crying.

Not sure what I’m looking for here. I could just use some support.

Edit: it seems like it’s 50/50 whether or not it’s normal and now I’m confused.

Original: I’ve been divorced for over a year now. Separated for 18+ months.

I feel like I’m going to be ripped apart for this so I’m scared to post. But I don’t know where else to turn.

My children are 7, almost 5, and 2.5. My oldest two are boys (I feel like this is relevant). Ever since my oldest was a baby, he LOVES to wrestle. I feel this is fairly normal for boys. Once his baby brother was born, it turned into one big wrestling match with my (now ex) husband and the boys. This was normal in our household.

One day I noticed that my husband had an erection while wrestling with our boys. That night, after the kids went to bed, I asked him about it. He said that sometimes, when the kids accidentally brush up against it, or step on it, it gets hard. But he said that’s normal for men when their privates are touched, and it doesn’t mean he’s aroused.

It happened almost every time they wrestled. I was an only child growing up and I never wrestled with my parents (we were not close and I was highly neglected). Also, we got married at 19, so I took his word for it.

Since being divorced, I have been keeping an eye out for this. Specifically with my father, because my boys love to wrestle with him too. It has never happened, that I’ve noticed, with my dad.

Now, for the first time since getting divorced, I have a boyfriend. I introduced him to my children and my kids LOVE him.

They love to wrestle with him too. So I’ve been keeping an eye out. For months they’ve been wrestling, and it’s never happened. So a few nights ago I asked him about it.

My boyfriend was mortified. He said absolutely not, that should never happen. He said the only time he gets an erection is when he’s aroused, which is obviously never around children of any kind.

So now I need to ask strangers on the internet.

Which is normal? Should I be concerned about my children’s father?

I should also mention that I’ve caught my ex husband watching porn around our children a few times. But every time it’s been when the kids are watching tv/not paying attention.

I finally did it. I signed a lease yesterday and am moving out next month. We have 3 kids together. Not married. Been together 15 years. I’m too overwhelmed to post all the details, but could use some fist bumps of solidarity. I just want what’s best for my kids, but this is so scary 😢 I’m like… terrified of the unknowns. Not to mention all the logistics of separating households. But…. I freaking did it. I question myself constantly and struggle so badly to make decisions these days - but I did it

I'm almost a year postpartum and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. My back and body hurt. I feel like I have the body of a 70 year old.

I've struggled with PMOS since I was 16 but wasn't diagnosed until I was 29. My weight has fluctuated my whole life and I've never been a small person. Since giving birth, I'm heavier than ever for a few reasons.

I developed PPA and PPD badly. I've been too anxious to go outside alone but I do try and go out for walks. I'm a depressive eater. My life lacks enrichment and my only source of happy feelings is food. But I already struggled with craving carbs from my condition and not sleeping.

The only time I started seeing progress in losing weight and feeling healthy was when I was weightlifting before baby. I did it to have a baby and now I feel back to square one but without the time I need to hone a routine.

I don't drive and I have one friend who is busy and a husband. By the time I have any time for myself I'm exhausted.

I just need encouragement or tips/advice if you've ever pulled yourself out of this pit?

I saw this on another post. A guy said that for women in OPs age group (30s) it’s common for them to date for dinners. I’m in my 40s.

I legitimately don’t know any women who are doing this. I certainly don’t think it’s worth it and wouldn’t. Granted, that’s not to say that it never happens or that some women aren’t doing this. But this seems SO VERY unlikely and uncommon with how much women are complaining that dating sucks. Most dates I’ve been on are not great. I would never go through all that effort for “free” food.

But also, let’s not forget that some men are using dinner dates to solicit sex, so there’s that hypocrisy. It’s cool if they use dinner dates to get sex, but not cool if we use dating to get dinner (again, if this is even real), but I digress.

My theory is that men take women on dinner dates, the conversation sucks, the woman doesn’t want a second date, and he concludes that it was because she was looking for a free meal. Thinking he is a bad or boring date isn’t a possibility he can conceive of. Even if he has multiple first dates without a second. There’s no way he’s the problem.

Idk. Are any of you doing this? Would you? Do you know anyone who has?

I feel like men made this up.

ETA: sorry I post this stuff here and not dating sub. I always regret my decision if I post in other subs. Esp genderless.

Hi bromos, it's been a long day

I just got off work and I'm exhausted. I make my own hours but I also school my son and take care of the house. My partner works full time so I don't have much help. I really can't wait to move and get my son in public school. I love my son with all of my heart, but I wish he would stop talking sometimes. I can't keep teaching him myself

Currently, I have to make nice with my alcoholic mother. For my son's safety and mine. And generally to keep the peace to avoid any meltdowns. I have no time to myself. I haven't had a day off since God knows when.

I had a falling out with my best friend last year but it still hurts. I mainly just blocked it out so I never processed it fully. Too much to do, not enough time to grieve. I tried to reconnect with my brother and he called me a bitch. I have anxiety and heart issues that I'm trying to manage, but the stress isn't helping. I have so few people in my life to talk to, and the ones I can I don't want to burden.

I hate this house, I hate this place (where I live, not earth). But I can't leave yet due to personal reasons. I'm trying to stay strong. I feel so overwhelmed all the time, and like a failure of a mother. I'm so scared of becoming my mother, but also terrified of overcompensating and doing just as bad or worse than her.

Everyone expects me to be like her, I'm so tired of being a shadow of my mother. Nobody in my family outside of those close to me sees me as a person, just an extension of her.

My mom will make plans with her side of the family involving my son without telling me, and then get mad when I set boundaries about it. She'll also go out of her way to spread nasty rumors about me in the family. She straight up told my grandparents that I'm a slut. Which just isn't true. Worst of all, they believed her.

I don't know what the point of this is, I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading

My husband just took a three week vacation in July and now he wants to take another in October. I can’t deal with it. I swear he has the world best(or worst for me) vacation time.

I can’t take three more weeks of him day-drinking, ordering fast food, and being annoying.

My husband doesn’t allow me to have opinions.

For example, I just went back to work after maternity leave. I told him I don’t like my job anymore (teacher) because I have to give my all to it and I’m over it. Teaching is not like a desk job that he has. There’s a reason why we get a lot of breaks and until you actively do it you don’t understand why.

And then he began to list all the reasons I should be grateful. I should be grateful that I get to walk the dog in the morning because other people can’t. I should be grateful that I have a job. I should be grateful that this is just an option (me working) because he’s so wealthy. But he still asks me to pay 50% of the mortgage but I don’t *have* to work.

I assured him that I technically have to work because he hated me staying at home and made my life miserable. So I had to work.

I am just trying to survive my day to day life. I’m just trying to cook, clean, take care of our toddler, laundry, pack lunches, etc. My husband has time to make apps and work on redesigning our backyard because “you might as well enjoy the space you live in.” He wants to plan more trips on the weekend so we can show our child how to be adaptable and resilient while we travel. Meanwhile, last time we traveled, my husband vowed to never do it again. He says this every time we travel.

We live different realities. He also works from home and takes meetings from his desk so he has no idea what it’s like to teach all day.

Anyways, here’s me complaining. He wants to make sure I find the moments of loveliness from working. He also wants to stop being transparent about his monetary earnings so I don’t feel like I have a choice in working.

It’s a real great partner I have in life. I didn’t realize he was this dense until after we had our child. He has no clue how to collaborate and be a team player. He has no idea what the trenches are like because he left me to do everything while he gets to focus on leisure. I hired a cleaner but now, since I’m being pressured to pay half of mortgage, I cannot afford it anymore. We don’t have a shared checking account. He’s so weird about splitting our finances but we don’t have a prenuptial agreement. I wish he could just be gracious and support our family as supporting each other pours into our child.

This marriage is beyond the point of repair and I’m holding on for our kids sake because I know my husband could not parent him alone 50% of the time. He’s never been able to put him down for a nap.

I took a decision to leave my abuser husband. But I've taken that decision many times and failed.

Can someone tell me how they kept this promise?

I told my family members to block me if I ever come back to that man. That will be it. Im jumping out and snatching this chance.

My main issue now is my son. That evil man knows well how to trauma bond his victims.

How to protect my beautiful baby? He has a similar character like me. He even lets other toddlers hit him, he doesn't reply. He doesn't deserve it and he will make him suffer that evil man. How to stop it? Scared to death after getting more information on how trauma bonding works.

I feel like everything was a lie for me.

Pregnancy-glow is a big fucking lie
2nd “honeymoon” trimester - Fucking LIE
Birth- miracle is one fat LIE
Insta-love of baby is a lie
Newborn phase is the cuddle phase - Jesus what a lie
Breastfeeding comes natural - such a crazy lie
Being able to eat anything during bf and losing weight- lie
It’s less lonely when you make mom friends - not true for me either
It gets better - at this point I’m sure that’s a lie too
Gras is greener on the other side when you’re a SAHM - pretty sure that’s a big LIE (god I would so love to go to work for a few hours)
List goes on. My partner is so envious of me staying home but earnes much more than I did (yet to working in healthcare even after 10 years of education).

I feel so hateful sometimes, I feel like I was promised that if you prepare well enough, if you wait long enough, if you are healthy enough, if you have the right partner, if you are financially stable enough, if you do it voluntarily - then parenthood will be the epidome of your life.

It’s just not. I so wish it was. I so wish it was different.
If one more person tells me: Hang in there “mama” … I swear to god

I really really really miss my old life and my self…

He's 9. AuDHD. Medicated, in therapy and OT.

He has the worst rejection sensitivity that's on a hair trigger. It makes even the tiniest correction into a huge deal and makes having productive conversations about his behavior nearly impossible.

Earlier he wanted me to play a video game that I really hate. I already played an hour of it with him earlier today. My daughter was coming home from the mall soon and I wanted to be upstairs to tell fill her in on plans for tomorrow morning, not stuck in the basement playing a game I don't even enjoy.

As always, he keeps asking and asking and asking. I am really troubled by his refusal to take no for an answer and his tendency to try to wear me down by asking over and over. I never reward that behavior by saying yes, and he will get in trouble by continuing to do it but still he keeps doing it. Today he blew up at me and threatened to not play with me anymore .

My daughter bought some awful brain rot squishie thing at the mall today that she was pretty thrilled with. Showed it to her brother because she knew he'd get a kick out of it too. He wouldn't give it back so she chased him around and wrestled him for it. Unsurprisingly the thing got ripped up in the process and she was upset about it. Son's takeaway from the ordeal? "It's her fault for buying it!"

Tried to tell him calmly that no, the squishy ripped because he wouldn't give it back and how that must feel for sister. Nope, yelled over me, ran away and slammed the door, again telling me that he was never going to play with me again.

5 minutes he comes back, telling me that he's calmed down. I was hoping to have a better conversation about his behavior but he launched right into asking me to play that damned game again. I told him what the time was (time to get ready for bed) and he exploded again.

I don't know how to instill any sense of empathy or responsibility for his own actions when his immediate reaction is always to yell, run away, and blame everything on anyone but himself.

Update: Son broke his favorite water bottle doing something I've told him not to do so now it's after his bedtime and we're on the 4th fucking meltdown in 2 hours. Fml

Im so happy I'll get the legal support I need this week and the next one.

It’s the first step. I'm back to my job part time and I can increase my time more.

He left us again and went back to his job (good riddance). The only issue I'm completely alone with a toddler. The other day I had a 40.5 degrees fever and no one to help me. I still have fever but it got better.

He continued his abuse without entering the details. And this time I documented it. I have quiet some documents now for his abuse. And a police call. His abuse makes any blood boil.

I moved my money from our shared account to mine.

I'm gaining back my life and I will fight for my baby's custody tooth and nail. That's my only concern.

I'm in Germany, perhaps the law will be on my side. Just taking it day by day.

He is oblivious to the fact that I'm leaving him. I have a meeting with the women's shelter lawyer on friday and with another shelter on Monday. Ill pick what I feel the best for my case.

Happy I will get informed.

I have no one else to share with, so sharing with this group.

Once all whatever image, I had of my future family or love was shattered, I can see clearer his abuse, I blame myself, it's my fault for staying with that man for 8 years. I should have left way before. It's my fault. I should have known better. I can't shake this fact. But I won't waste more time on him. He has no more power over me. My concern and focus will be on my son.

Update from my previous post

https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/GPNS3B6nD2

Yesterday we told the kids we’re splitting up. It’s been long and slow, and under the guise (at least part of the time) of me setting up an Aspie refuge where I can focus on work and decompress.

We were at my flat, and the kids had been here the previous two nights. Both of them seemed pretty unfazed by the news, though DS said he wanted to go home (Dad’s) for a few nights instead of stay here. DD wanted to stay here with me.

No emotion, went back to their tablets to keep watching funny things.

Later in the evening I expressed surprise to DD about how she didn’t say anything, and she told me she was angry but didn’t want to say it in the moment. I asked if she was angry at either of us, and she said no. Just that life is hard.

She’s fucking nine years old, and she has this understanding of things out of her control and it just broke my heart so fucking much. I don’t want her to feel like life is so hard like that.

I don’t know what DS is thinking or feeling.

I’ve been swinging between knowing why we pulled the plug on this relationship and this immense guilt for hurting the kids, for bringing them into this situation, and I also feel like if either of them told me I didn’t have a right to be sad or sorry for myself that I would agree with them. I told some friends as well now that the kids know, and I also feel like I don’t have any close enough friends who will actually care enough to want to support me. I feel selfish for wanting someone to support me, because I chose this. I made this mess. Why should I go crying to anyone, or want comfort? I can’t even go to my therapist because she cancelled our last session last week and said it would be a longer sick leave she’s taking (a few weeks she wrote).

I know we weren’t getting any better as a couple, but I hate and regret feeling like I’ve betrayed our kids.

I have 100% physical custody of a (almost) 5 year old. Being evaluated for ADHD/autism (she actually completed the first assessment today). Her dad comes a few times a week but isn’t reliable and literally never on time. He’s a train wreck.

So it’s up to me to manage my work schedule (house manager), keeping my daughter entertained from 8am-10:30pm, deal with meltdowns over pretty much everything, whining, her dogshit dad, keep our house SOMEWHAT clean and organized, ensure she’s not watching 5 hours of tablet everyday. No camps are available in this area for kids under the age of 5, unless you want to pay out the ass for them.

Y’all. I am done. Her school is a private school until she goes to public kindergarten. Therefore, their schedule is completely different to public. She has been off for summer since May 21 and doesn’t go back to school until August 25. That is 96 days I’ve had to pretty much parent by myself, work, clean, play with her, pack bags for the pool, snacks, plan playdates, pay for passes, etc.

I feel like suing her school for emotional distress (kidding, sorta). I’ve had to start 2 new medications to deal with the stress of being with my child by myself for over 3 months.

We still have until next Wednesday. Sigh.

I know it's innocent and it's because he doesn't yet NEED a name for me, but it still sucks.

He is 14 months old, and just yesterday he brought me a framed photo of his father and said "idda Dadda?"

I was so excited! Yes! Dadda!! Then I grabbed another photo of his grandfather. "Who's this?"

"Nuh-Nuh-Nuh." Nannu. Yes!!!

A photo of his grandma. "Yaya." Yes!!!

A photo of his auntie Treva. "Ehnna?" Yes!!!

A photo of Biggie the Cat. "Eemee!" Yes!!!!!!!!

A photo of me. "........."

I ask who's that? Silence. "I'm Mamma," I explain. Still nothing.

Well, okay. I'm a SAHM and he never needs to ask for me, never goes a moment without me unless I'm in another room, but any noise he makes will bring me right there. Do I have a name? Do I need one? He guesses not.

But I'd like one! Ffs, even the mail man has a name. When we hear the truck approach he goes "Mahman?" And we go outside to wave.

And out of everyone my son knows, I love him the most. I think this hurts me more than it should because last night, the baby wanted Dadda, and Dadda treated this like a burden. He held his son up in the air, and while his son laughed that wonderful baby laugh, I swear to fucking God it took every ounce of this man's strength to NOT roll his eyes. (He's going through a depressive episode so I'm trying to give him grace but my empathy has its limits)

Why does HE get a name and not me? Why is my son carrying around a photo of a man who barely shows him attention? "Idda Dadda! Dadda. Dadda."

Mamma is over here! I'm Mamma. 😔

So before kids, I loved to travel. It was a big part of my life. When partner and I started dating, he definitely got defensive when I traveled with friends or for work, taking it personally that I didn't want to be with him.

Now that we have 2 kids, youngest is 6, every time I travel its a fight. Can't just be a reasonable convo between 2 adults. I am always with my kids, yes he gives me the odd few hours here and there, but im a sahm and just want to join a few girlfriend on a trip this winter for like 5 days. I dont think its asking much. I can arrange for my parents to come here, but he doesn't want that. He won't take time off work because his work is too important. Or he thinks he's too important.

I don't know what to do. I feel like such a big part of what makes me happy has been taken away. I see so many of my friends and family members going on trips with their girlfriends and I cant because he says he'll charge me with child abandonment or some shit like that. I love my kids with my whole heart but I don't think I need to sacrifice something that is so important to me.

Im in Canada. Anyone else in a similar situation? Am I being selfish here?

Man, you know what's crazy?

When your husband sends you sexy pictures, and you save them to your phone, but then you notice they're placed on a suspicious timeline in your gallery weeks ago. A time when you were in the trenches of dealing with sick children, and he was very much out of town for work.

Hm, now why would you be spending that day taking naked, suggestive pictures?

(ducks, ducks, ducks)

Anxiety runs on both sides of the family, and boy did she catch it. She's had a therapist before but just never opened up to her (and she didn't have appointments outside of school hours, so it was only for the summer last year). I think she just wasn't silly enough, too clinical, my girl doesn't like feeling analyzed or put on the spot.

This therapist is funny and personable and my daughter was just starting to open up to her after three appointments.

And then she didn't show up. Messaged at the last second about technical issues. Rescheduled. Messaged at the last second about accidentally injuring herself. Rescheduled. Messages AFTER appointment start time about vertigo. She was very apologetic and yesterday we agreed on giving it one more try today at 11:30. Even though I'm sick TO DEATH of arranging my life day after day after day around an appointment that never happens, it was important to me to stick it out because my daughter actually likes her.

This time? No show, no message, no response. Nothing. Just ghosted. And my poor girl, she says to me "Mom, maybe she doesn't like me."

YAY THERAPY THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HER TO GET OUT OF THIS.

So I scheduled with someone else for tomorrow and sent a message wishing the old therapist well with her health issues... Pray for me Bromos that my girl connects with the next one. I'm so frustrated right now. I feel like I wanna cry, this is so stupid.

Just the millionth vent post because this is overwhelming me.

The only thing i wanted was for her to have a happy childhood. I didn't have the happiest and i hoped she would do. I feel like i did most things right, i worked on my issues before having her, i have more than enough money for us to live confortable, my ex husband seemed like a good dad.

She is a mess since her sister killed herself, then i divorced and suddenly my ex husband is not the father i wanted for her. The biggest issue is her sister dying i guess, my daughter has become a shell of herself. It's been two years, we tried therapy, play therapy, grief therapy, grief camp, grief counseling, i tried therapy with her, we went to another country so she could see the places her sister used to visit, we tried everything.

She cries all the time, is not interested in anything, has lost many friends because she is "not fun to be around anymore" she doesn't want to do any activity even the ones she used to enjoy, i have tried everything and it feels like it will be forever. I got her a cat and it kinda seemed to have given her a purpose but the cat fucking died so there's that.

I'm also dealing with the grief myself as not being able to help her sister has been eating me alive the past two years. I feel like it's been enough time to where it should be better but it seems to get worse everyday and i'm so overwhelmed and lost on what to do.

I used to picture her future as something happy but now it feels like she is gonna be like this forever and i fear she is just fucked up and i obviously hate feeling like this over my own child, it makes me feel like an awful mother. I don't want her to feel like this now, i don't want her to be like this forever. I want my happy child back.

I know it could be worse but this sucks so much and it feels like no matter what i do, nothing helps.