r/breakingmom

I'm wondering if anyone can share their experience. My husband who has shown no signs of violence or bad temper got drunk and choked me and assaulted me in front of our daughter. I managed to get out and save my daughter. The police came he got off with a warning but left the property. I ended up in hospital and we spent two nights in a domestic violence shelter. A social worker will help to follow up on the case. I've just returned home with his promise that he will not return. It's bizarre. The home is the same. The things are the same. Signs of him everywhere. The man I knew for 7 years randomly assaulted me. Nearly killed me. Bruises all over my body. I will divorce him for sure but it's complicated and takes time due to co owning the property. My daughter is safe with me and we have his agreement to co operate.

But I'm not ok.

Why me?

Why?

I have three kids - 11, 9, 13 months. I’ve been off work since my youngest was born and it’s killing me.

I don’t know where to start. Everything I see talks about how lucky women are to stay home with their kids, experience the special moments rather than hear about it from someone else, etc. But that isn’t my experience at all.

I don’t know what special moments I’m experiencing. I’m experiencing a lot of dishes, and laundry, and having to come up with meals and snacks 5 times a day, and having my coffee spilled everywhere everytime I put it down and having no time to write or watch tv or do literally anything. Every day is Groundhog Day. I’m sick of the library where he just tries to eat the books, I’m sick of walks where I’m bored out of my skull, I’m sick of spending two hours a day trying to get him to sleep while he screams because he won’t sleep train. I’m sick of holding him for every contact nap a year in, I’m sick of him gnawing on my boob every 45 minutes all night long or he screams and won’t sleep, I’m sick of following him around my house while he wreaks havoc or stacking the same blocks over and over for him to knock them down. Every single day. The same stuff, constantly.

We can’t afford daycare. Even if I went back to work, I’m on such a low rate in entry-level PR and I’m not qualified in anything else to get a better pay. I’d love to be a published writer but I don’t have any time to write while chasing him around constantly.

Obligatory I love him to death, but I don’t love my life. At all. I’m broke, I’m exhausted, I’ve not slept in over a year, my husband works long hours and I could write a whole other post about his faults. We have no village. My in laws are shit, they’re ten minutes up the road and MIL doesn’t even work yet they won’t see our older kids even, but will have their cousin’s daughters over for sleepovers every weekend, and then they’ll make a grand display a few times a year and buy the kids anything they want and so the kids are kept on the hook. My parents aren’t any better effort wise but they have the excuse of living further away. 13 month old won’t even go to anyone else, we tried a sitter for our anniversary so we could go and get some dinner, the sitter called us an hour in because the baby was inconsolable.

I know that working doesn’t solve every problem, and I’d have to do a lot of this still on top of the job, but my god what I wouldn’t give to hand him over to someone and put on clothes that won’t get grubby with peanut butter and milk and go and sit and actually get something done for once that doesn’t involve my husband’s socks.

He's almost 3yo. I feel like I never really liked him. I appreciate him for being very healthy, robust and intellectually developed, but he's just been a terrible baby and toddler.
He never slept through the night, screamed so much as a baby, as a toddler he whines nonstop, he's so rowdy. When he was a baby I wanted to give him away. Not because I don't want children but because I didn't want him. Even if he was a well behaved child Idk if I would like him. Is it wrong to not like your child?

BUT here I am still seething and shaking, it was a valid reason to lose my mind.. no it wasnt... was it? Is it? Now that I'm typing it out, it's going to sound so trivial.

I dont even know how or why or where or when it all started.

So, I am at that age where perimenopause is a serious consideration. But just to make the distinction difficult, I also have 3, yes 3, endocrine disorders, and epilepsy which can also present is ways of excessive perspiration, soreness, confusion, disassociation, hormone fluctuations.... so its super easy to blame it on epilepsy or a pituitary adenoma or PMOS...

I woke up this morning drenched in sweat and shakey (like when you wake up too fast, or hungover or after a nocturnal seizure or endocrine issues(lmao). So I was already on edge.

Sundays are my prep days - groceries to prep, divide and freeze, make sure everyone's stuff is ready to the week annnd I usual host a big dinner for friends and family on Sundays.

Got home with groceries. My plan was to separate and freeze the meats, cut up a pineapple, prep apples for homemade tartlettes, make breakfast for us. Thennnn going do a hobby project i was so stoked to start. Plus we were smoking some candied salmon i had to prep the glaze! I felt weird and shakey the whole time, I was dropping things and had I not know my epilepsy so well I would have totally blamed it on postictal state.

ANYWAYS - I skipped merely down to our garage freezer, looked to the backyard and my husband had already started MY project, MINE! MINE! For once in my fucking life, something for me.

Not only did he start it without telling me or consulting with a plan, he did half! I expressed my anger(pretty angrily) and he didn't say sorry. He said "well, i just thought id get it done" , no apologies, no real explanation... i put the frozen shit away, stomped upstairs and started on the rest or my grocery haul prep. You know what he does, sneaks upstairs grabs a coffee, says "you have your hands full eh?" And walks away, no " jeez you look like you're about to faint", no "I'm sorry for taking that away from you", no "let me help with the groceries". Instead he snuck around to the garage, grabbed the unfinished half of the project, and went outside through the garage door. AND DID THE OTHER HALF OF THE PROJECT! my project... mine... for me... a challenge, a hobby... something to take my mind off of years of this medical Rollercoaster.. he took it from me. Then showed his brother how nice a job he did.

I kind lost it... okay I really lost it. I was crying and hyperventilating and begging for him to understand why this hurt my feelings. I've never seen him so stone hearted or dismissive. I lost my shit. I'm ready to smash the stupid project on the pavement.

And now im sitting in our room trying not to go back to hyperventilating and trying to stay calm so I dont have a seizure

All i wanted... like realllly wanted, was an apology and a fucking hug.

Okay, im gonna go lay down in a pool of my own menopause sweat before I have a medical emergency.

If you made it this far...Thanks for listening to my rant.

Edit Update: I'm gonna use the leftover paint to redo our cupboards tomorrow while he's at work and not tell him. mouahahahahah spins invisible villain mustache

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/1tk7mlc/all_of_my_sons_are_in_prison/

Hello everyone!

My daughters have a three-day weekend because of a teacher's workshop and are at friends' until tomorrow afternoon. So I found myself with some time for the first time since god knows when!

Anyway, I was messing around online when I remembered about this account, and so much has happened since my post that I felt you all might like an update.

Gosh, where to begin? Well, my daughter Molly turned 8 with none of her brothers around to celebrate, but Sarah, my parents, and I did our best, and it ended up being a pretty good time, although before bed, she cried about her brothers (the younger two, my oldest has hardly been around her at all) as she did not understand why they could not be there. So that was tough. Other than that, I have made a very big effort to focus more on my daughters and spend time with them as often as possible. My daughter had an amazing time and did a wonderful job in her end-of-year play that I finally got to see in June!

As for my sons, it is all over the place. I ended up telling the older two that unless they were making demonstrated progress, that I was done with them, they could write me and I would respond, but no more comissary, and no more visits that take all weekend until they figured it out.

Todd and Jacob have responded in totally opposite ways. Joseph decided to threaten to kill me when he gets out and try to guilt me into giving him more money, making me think that he has dug himself into a hole while in adult prison. I wish I could be surprised, but he has done nothing but self-destruct for a decade now, and I find it harder and harder to keep up hope every day.

By some damn miracle, it had the opposite effect on Todd. While he was sad about it, he told me he understood, and guess what? Actually started TRYING to get better! he started talking to his PO about what was bothering him and talking to me over the phone about what he was feeling. And on August 7th, he completed his Juvenile program and was released from Juvie! I was, and am so, so proud of him. But nothing can be easy in my life.

He has actually been able to stay on the straight and narrow pretty well so far; he has stayed clean and passed all of his drug tests. He has been attending his classes at his high school and actually seems like he is gonna graduate if he stays on this pace. I even decided that he could come home last month and live here because I got nothing but good things from his group home. It seemed like I actually lit a fire under his ass, and he is thriving!

Yeah, turns out he was hiding A LOT from everyone. A couple of weeks ago, he suffered some kind of panic attack/mental breakdown from all the stress he felt like he was under, and was in the ER. He has been really having a rough go and feels super guilty. We have spent a lot of time just hugging after the girls go to bed, and he has been doing a lot of crying. I am proud to say that he is still passing drug tests and doing his best at school, and actually getting support because he is advocating for himself there!

All that to say it has still been emotionally exhausting on all of us, and the other day I finally got him to agree to talk to a therapist and psychologist to see if anything can be done to help him out. Dispite all of it, though, I am really proud of his turnaround.

As for my youngest son, Carter, it has unfortunately been an uphill battle, as dispite me, AND his brother telling him that he needs to nip this in the bud and complete his program ASAP, he is instead dragging his feet, pushing back, and seemingly intentionally messing up to get at me, now he is thinking that he is going to be released to his dad ( he is not, his dad has no custody and his PO says that it won't happen if I don't want it too.) So that has been just wonderful.

Well, that's all for now! very up and down, but that's life I guess.

Honestly. At this point I feel like the only reason why I'm still here is because I'm a mother and I have to take care of my 2 kids and apparently their fucking father

I have been sick all week last week and did not get a single break from anything. He gets sick and he's slept all day today. I of course asked him this morning if he had an appetite and made sure he ate. Made sure the kids were quiet. Let him sleep.

I then have a break down today ( I have PTSD from severe birth trauma and severe medical trauma along with peripartum depression ) saying that I've been sick my mental health is getting really bad again and I need help more.

The bastard can't even be bothered to wake up in the morning with me and the kids. I have a 1 year old ( whose a big old fucking trigger ) and a 7 year old. And every single morning he sleeps through 7 alarms and then jumps in the shower at the last minute and leaves.

ANYWAYS!

I finally got a chance to have some alone time - I assumed he was making the family dinner. NOPE! silly me - he made nuggets and fries for the kids. Didn't even bother to ask what was planned for dinner tonight. If I was hungry. Fucking nothing.

Oh! And he has to go to PEI for work. Which would normally be fine before all of this but it seems like every time I start breaking and asking for help there's a work trip, or he has to work late.

What the fuck am I? A babysitter? Chef? Maid? Personal assistant to 2 children's schedules?

He does the bare minimum and then has the audacity to get angry at me for my recent moods and being crazy?!

I didn't choose to be this way - pregnancy made me this way!!!

3 minutes of sex and now I'm stuck as what? Just an NPC for the next 18 years?!

Uuugghhhh!!!!! That's my ramblings of a mad woman for today. Thank you for your time tips hat

We spent 10k on a septic repair four months ago. That “fix” did fuck all. Woke up with every water source in the house causing septic water to back up into our basement.

$8,800 gone today to reroute the septic line.

Did I mention husband and I are flying out in 72 hours? First vacation in over a year since our son was born.

I’m fucking exhausted.

…my husband when he drinks. He gets loud and obnoxious. He doesn’t listen to anyone else and acts like he is in an argument, even when others agree with him. He talks about nonsense, or his views on the world, and how shitty everyone else is, and how he hates the world and regrets his life choices.

And I asked him today if what he rants about when he is drunk is what is constantly going on in his sober head. He basically said yes in a very convoluted way. I am learning to just nod and grunt in response, but tonight I had the audacity to ask him if he was planning to play with the dogs before or after dinner, so I would know when to put dinner in the oven.

Well, apparently that is me micromanaging everything in his life because I have to have a regimented schedule and be in control.

I admit I want my kids to go to bed at their normal time because if they don’t, I am the one that suffers. I am the one that bfs the baby, and deals with the tantrums and meltdowns. And the one that plans meals and does shopping and all the mental load, etc.

But seriously, I asked because I personally enjoy eating dinner the right temperature and I am basing tonight on HIS preference… but fuck me for asking a simple question.

Just to say, he rarely drinks. We were out all day for a fun family outing and he was downing beers all day with my family. That doesn’t mean he isn’t an asshole when sober, but it sure comes easier when he drinks.

Also, when the fuck do I get to lower my inhibitions and enjoy myself? I am the one that packed and prepped and planned, and the one who will be doing laundry and dishes and cleaning up. Apparently I will also be the one on duty for all the night chores because he will pass out in his man shed after the dogs play.

Oh, the joys of motherhood.

Also, please don’t just tell me to divorce or leave. It isn’t helpful. I just need to vent and have no one to vent to.