u/Middle_Definition_92

Edit: it seems like it’s 50/50 whether or not it’s normal and now I’m confused.

Original: I’ve been divorced for over a year now. Separated for 18+ months.

I feel like I’m going to be ripped apart for this so I’m scared to post. But I don’t know where else to turn.

My children are 7, almost 5, and 2.5. My oldest two are boys (I feel like this is relevant). Ever since my oldest was a baby, he LOVES to wrestle. I feel this is fairly normal for boys. Once his baby brother was born, it turned into one big wrestling match with my (now ex) husband and the boys. This was normal in our household.

One day I noticed that my husband had an erection while wrestling with our boys. That night, after the kids went to bed, I asked him about it. He said that sometimes, when the kids accidentally brush up against it, or step on it, it gets hard. But he said that’s normal for men when their privates are touched, and it doesn’t mean he’s aroused.

It happened almost every time they wrestled. I was an only child growing up and I never wrestled with my parents (we were not close and I was highly neglected). Also, we got married at 19, so I took his word for it.

Since being divorced, I have been keeping an eye out for this. Specifically with my father, because my boys love to wrestle with him too. It has never happened, that I’ve noticed, with my dad.

Now, for the first time since getting divorced, I have a boyfriend. I introduced him to my children and my kids LOVE him.

They love to wrestle with him too. So I’ve been keeping an eye out. For months they’ve been wrestling, and it’s never happened. So a few nights ago I asked him about it.

My boyfriend was mortified. He said absolutely not, that should never happen. He said the only time he gets an erection is when he’s aroused, which is obviously never around children of any kind.

So now I need to ask strangers on the internet.

Which is normal? Should I be concerned about my children’s father?

I should also mention that I’ve caught my ex husband watching porn around our children a few times. But every time it’s been when the kids are watching tv/not paying attention.

Please be gentle with me. I was marred for 10 years, a stay at home mom for 7 years. My kids are 6, 4 and 2. My ex husband was the sole income provider, but financially abusive. He made it seem like we were dirt poor, when we were not. Buying diapers, wipes, formula or even food for our animals caused arguments. Every time.

Finally, after 3 years of trying to leave him, I did it. I started my own business. It’s a cleaning business. I’ve been in business since April of 2025 and it’s been going great. I moved into my first apartment in February of this year.

I have no idea how to budget or pay bills. My ex husband took care of all of it. And it doesn’t help that I have money coming in every single day vs getting a steady paycheck every week/biweekly.

My financial troubles are self inflicted purely out of ignorance. I’m currently 13 days behind on my June rent. I don’t know how.

I will admit that my business has a scaling problem. I have corrected the issue, but now it’s going to take time to correct itself. Last year, my revenue was $42,000. This year, revenue is projected to be over $100,000. I have 4 employees. As my business has grown, so have my expenses. So I’m profiting less now than I did last year. But like I said, I corrected it by raising prices and cutting costs where I could. My employees are hourly.

I also get child support. And I have various other random sources of income via side jobs where I can.

I have created a “budget” spreadsheet in excel using YouTube tutorials. But I don’t understand it at all. I don’t ever look at my bills. Most of them are on autopay, but I forget about them because I’m not in the habit of checking what’s due every week. Which causes my account to go negative. This is something I’ve tried but I just can’t get myself to.

I need help. I can afford all my bills. I don’t go out to eat. I don’t go shopping for fun. I don’t go on vacation. The most “fun” money I spend is $30 a month for a trampoline park pass for my kids. I just don’t get it. Any tips and tricks are much appreciated.

Like I said, please be gentle. I got married at 19, and I have only been on my own for 5 months ever in my life.