Why the flying fuck are you setting off something that sounds like a mortar at 11pm. The kids are scared, the dogs are scared, the wild animals are absolutely terrified, and that’s just my house. Imagine that times a few million.
Our toddler was scared so let her sleep in our bed. About 45 minutes ago he wakes up then rips the pillow out from under her head which obviously wakes her up screaming then he runs to the living room. I pick up the toddler to get her some milk and see what the hell he was doing. He’s just standing in the corner looking at him computer so I get milk and back to our bed.
She wanted me to read her favorite book as he’s coming back to the bedroom. I asked why he did that and he explodes.
First of all he denied it. Then he decided to start screaming that I’m r€t@rded, calls me a stupid butch, throws her book across the room then says he didn’t, demands I apologize to him for him calling me a stupid bitch, says I only pretend to be a caring mother, and now he’s packing to leave.
I don’t have anyone to talk to.
Edit: If I stop replying that means I’ve fallen asleep. I’m safe, promise.
Background:
My husband had a terrible childhood. Think 3rd world style poverty in the Deep South. Neither of his parents or close family have ever had consistent employment. Ever. He moved away from that hell hole, met me, and I convinced him to go to college. For most of his career he’s worn scrubs and been on the hospital floor. He completed his masters degree a couple years ago and recently got a promotion that’s a desk job.
Now that he has a desk job he has to start dressing up for work. He keeps trying to wear shoddy old jeans and t-shirts because when he was young his parents taught him that looks “humble” and people will be impressed. I’ve managed to get him to at least wear slacks and a button down shirt but from what I’ve heard he has a habit of ditching the button down and just wearing his short sleeve undershirt. His boss’ boss has made some subtle hints that he needs to dress better if he ever wants to move up(he does!) and he just ignores her.
The worst part is that he was offered the opportunity to go on a business trip. It would have been a huge career boost and great for networking. He turned it down because he had never heard of the city it’s taking place in. It’s in a well known place think Aspen or Sedona.
Advice, commiseration, or whatever you’ve got for me.
My husband.
One of his coworkers is having a party and invited everyone plus their family. And he only wants to take our youngest because he doesn’t want anyone to be around our autistic oldest child.
Our 12 year old is level one/low support needs/high functioning. He’s super nerdy and a toe walker. He is also one of the most awesome kids to ever exist(3 year old is also awesome but extremely neurotypical and there’s not embarrassing to my husband). He’s responsible, helpful, and the most trustworthy kid I’ve ever met. Yesterday he spend over an hour making clay sharks for little sister. How many 12 year old boys willingly spend an hour with a 3 year old? But he’s not conversational with people he doesn’t know(or like, hence he’s not conversational with his dad).
But of course King Asshole is too embarrassed.
Why do people think this is some sort of ultimate own?
Oh, you got me. It’s actually all my fault!
No dumbass. He changed. Anyone that knew him before 2022(already a decade into our marriage)can tell you that he fucking changed.
As far as I know I’m not damn clairvoyant. But shame on me for not expecting my normal pleasant helpful husband to turn into an unrelenting asshole the second I got pregnant with our second child.
Seriously it feels like at least half the posts are AI generated.
Our house is older and only has one bathroom. Total. Not so much as a powder room to alleviate it.
Guess who spends an hour plus in the bathroom? Him.
And he purposely picks the worst times. When I have to get ready to go somewhere he’ll spend over an hour showering and fucking around with the last three hairs on his head.
And when I finally get a chance to go in there guess who is standing by the door or just straight up opens the door to have a conversation with me? That’s right..him.
The toddler scraped her knee on one of her toys and of course was screaming while I went to get a bandaid. Our older child(12) had a panic attack because of the screaming and small amount of blood. So what does my husband do?
Stand in the kitchen accusing our son of hitting his sister and screaming “He hit her! He hit her!”, he didn’t hit her and was across the room from her. While doing this he was standing in front of where I keep the first aid kit.
So helpful 🤗
“I don’t have to keep promises to you.”
Not even that he doesn’t have to keep them specifically he doesn’t have to keep them when they’re made to me.
He’s at least 25 years away from retirement. BUT ITS RUINED.
Why you ask?
He asked what I want to do when he’s retired and I said I don’t know since I have no clue what the world will even look like by then. Apparently that’s trapping him and controlling him and he travel without me.
I ruined it even further by not wanting to buy a boat or camper that would costs as much as he earns in a year.
He finished up by telling me I’m going to be fat and unhealthy when I’m old 😂 he literally sits on his ass eating junk all day while I do every single chore and eat actual food.
And by genius I mean it’s a miracle he can put his pants on the right way.
Money is starting to get tighter because of everything. He guess what his suggestion is to save some money…
That he stop going to damn Chipotle every other day? No.
That he sell his various things he doesn’t use(computer stuff)? No.
That he actually turns off the TV, lights, and fan when he leaves a room? No.
That he drinks water instead of sodas? No.
That he picks up a shift here and there? No.
That he defaults on his student loans? Ding ding ding! We have a winner! That’s his brilliant idea!
Nothing like a breakfast time argument.
A couple days ago our oldest went to a birthday party. He ate some foods that set him off(he autistic and certain foods just trigger him, he actually asked the server if the food had a certain ingredient and he was told no but it turns out that it did). He’s been a mopey mess since then. He’ll be ok but it’s going to be a miserable week. My husband refuses to believe it was the food and it’s because he gets an allowance.
My husband then threw a fit that our son gets an allowance that I already told him about. He thinks it’s teaching him to waste money. The kid saves his money for months at a time!
Then we got onto the subject of our finances and he’s bitching that people have things that we don’t. This person has a boat, that person has two houses. Who gives a fuck. We have a house in a good area and a freaking luxury car. Why does it matter what other people have!?
Highlight:
Him: Why are you so upset with me when I want to buy things?
Me: Because I…
Him: Stop making it about yourself!
I swear I’ve ranted about all of this before but I just had to.
Whenever I showed any reaction to pain I was mocked relentlessly. Teachers, classmates, aunts, uncles, cousins, coworkers, medical professionals all seem/seemed to find my pain absolutely hilarious.
A classmate stepped with their full body weight on my hand. The teacher laughed and told me I wasn’t in pain.
My cousin punched in the back of my head. The same reaction from my aunt and uncle.
Coworkers would laugh if a customer slammed a cart into me.
Even just the slightest wince while getting a shot was enough to bring some medical professionals into hysterics.
My parents and both my grandmothers tried to help but they couldn’t be everywhere.
I feel just as much as everyone else but I can’t react without someone making it into a comedy act.
I mean Memorial Day.
He’s been drinking since lunchtime 🙃
The highlights of the day..
Refusing to take the trash bins from the curb and put them in yard behind the fence because “it doesn’t fucking matter”. It does matter and we would have to pay a $100+ fine.
He stood with the front door open letting in multiple flies.
Sat on his glasses
Tried to convince me to put the toddler to bed at 3pm
He thought that Washington DC was in Washington state.
I’ve managed to distract him with animal crossing. He’s trying to catch a barrel eye for me, they don’t come out for like 3 and half hours but hey at least he’s busy🤷🏻♀️
On of my husband’s relatives FaceTimed him to ask for a loan(we all know that would never be paid back 😒) so he could register his car. As he’s talk he pulls out a can of chewing, takes off the plastic seal, and shoves a clump in his mouth.
First of all, ew. Second of all, if you can afford that then you can afford to register your car.
My husband has to start paying back his student loans(he was trying to delay it by getting a phD but he got overwhelmed with work and school). The payments are 😬.
He has a job where he can fill in for someone else and pick up an overtime shift. One of those would cover his loans for two months. One extra work day every other month that’s all he would need to do and what he agreed to do months ago.
Now he’s saying he shouldn’t have to and I just need to deal with having less money to spend since he earns too much to need a budget(lol, what!?). And it gets even better! /s
He also wants to buy a 15k motorcycle to save “money on gas” but then refuses to buy new shoes because he thinks they’re too expensive. He also claims I’m stopping him from buying new shoes by saying he shouldn’t get the bike since they both cost money. Wut.
I’ve always had an issue with people immediately disliking me. I get called arrogant and uppity.
Anyway, earlier I got into a fight with someone I thought cared about me and what he said cleared it all up.
“I don’t have to do anything for you. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t keep their promise to you. Get over it”
It made me realize that I’ve been making the same mistake for over 30 years. I’ve been expecting to get the same respect as attractive NT women but I’m autistic and ugly. Promises made to me literally don’t matter since I’m at the bottom, to most people it’s like making a promise to a dog. People were calling me arrogant and uppity all those years because I was assuming that I was going to get a normal amount of respect, they were expecting me to grovel and be self effacing so normal behavior from me seemed arrogance to them.
My husband job is going from occasionally being on the floor to full time desk job so he can’t get away with wearing scrubs anymore. This is a man that’s worn a formal clothing/a suit three times in his life(our wedding and two interviews) He has zero idea how to dress.
His first instinct is to wear his regular clothes to “prove he’s real”. He obviously knows that would not fly. His next was to wear a polo shirt with his pants pulled all the way up like a 90 year old playing golf. I’m going to take him shopping and get him some decent stuff.
He was called his dad just to chat, you know the usual “what’s going on, what have you been up to” etc. His dad got upset because by buying clothes for his job he’s not “being real”. Sir, you have repeatedly told us you have $20 in your bank account and spend your day reposting foot videos on TikTok. You don’t get to criticize your son like that. His mother has said similar things in the past but she calls it being humble. She thinks upper management would be impressed if you were to show up in regular clothes because it’ll look humble. *Humble*.
How could I!? /s
Don’t I know that’s for broke people!? How will people know he has a good job if he eats leftovers!?
Bonus story: my MIL once threw out an entire batch of cornbread because she didn’t feel like eating it.
Yes he has a difficult job but it’s for 12 hours a day three fucking days a week.
I’ve been up with our toddler since 3 am. It’s almost 9pm . She doesn’t nap and hasn’t for over a year. She’s up by 5:30am every day no matter how late she goes to bed. He refuses to get up with her. Our 12 year old is more helpful, seriously he offered to take her at 2am one night and rock her to sleep. How fucking useless do you have to be that a preteen boy is more helpful?
Oh but he offered to let me get coffee by myself. I can’t enjoy a cup of coffee knowing that she’s screaming until she throws up because he’s ignoring her.
And silly me, I forgot that he’s the parenting expert because he helped raise his siblings. His family shouldn’t be allowed to raise a fucking barn let alone a child.