r/NarcissisticSpouses

My husband comes out of the grocery store all excited to give me something he found in the store. Said the found something he thought I would like and it was a surprise for when we get home. It was buffalo wings. He got me Buffalo wings. I don’t like buffalo sauce… and I don’t care for wings. So he’s now upset that I’m not excited about them.

Starts ranting about how he never does anything right and always says the wrong thing. Turns it into a moment of “I have to get this for my chest” and proceeds to say I am very critical of him and am too sensitive and take things personally when I shouldn’t. Which is really hurtful. And I KNOW it’s his narc tendencies reading his head… because nobody else in my life has ever said those things to or about me.

But why does it hurt to hear him say that? It’s 2PM and I’ve felt the sting of his words hit my nose 2x already. I’m exhausted and need to figure out how to leave.

My narc husband (32 M) gave me (30 F) the big discard in November 2024 and blocked me everywhere. Spent the whole time abroad and came back a couple of months ago. I had the whole schebang, the love bombing, the devaluation and the discard, the smear campaign, getting all our friends against me etc etc.

I worked on getting back to school and spirituality and healed well. I didn't file for divorce and neither did he. We don't have kids.

Today, he texted me that he wants to meet me alone.

A couple of days before that, I had an extended family member telling me indirectly that he's back in the country, another telling me to work on the marriage, another to give this another shot, someone telling me that he wants a divorce and someone telling me he wants to reconcile.

After keeping me blocked for 2 whole years, why would he suddenly want to see me?

Your experience and your suggestions are welcome.

And no, I'm not stupid enough to go back, i just want to know what to expect from that meeting.

Well, after 6 years, and almost a year after the breakup , I was told what a covert narcissist was yesterday, and it was my ex to a T

He started off so nice, enamored with me, open to doing things but over the years he started to become miserable, unhappy, always pointing out the bad things instead of ever being happy with what was in front of him. He literally loathed in his darkness and towards the end, it took me down with him.

I wanted to show him the world, make him happy, have him see himself as beautiful as I see him, make his hurt disappear, and I definitely was in for a long run

He did the absolute bare minimum and always said how much he did for me, how good he was to me, but I would ask “how”, and it was always left unanswered or the answer was “I don’t cheat on you”, or some shit that was just what people in relationships don’t do 🙄

My birthdays were never celebrated or planned unless it was with my effort. Days off together were also all on my effort, but him mostly just telling me how im too much and I just always wanna do the most

I carried the whole relationship , emotionally , i did ALL the work, and i became so tired. I thought the other day, he never actually engaged in conversations with me, i had to do all the talking, the inquisitions.

He wanted to “talk” the other week because he felt lonely, I called him, he didn’t say shit, I had to ask the questions and then I just gave up and went silent. It reminded me of our whole relationship, me showing up for him, but his emotional availability being absolutely void

When together before the break up, he would be mean to me, by saying just horrible shit, at first I would cry and try to explain why his actions towards me were cruel, but then it became a gaslighting situation , or just not taking accountability for his actions …. I began to silent myself and shrink myself because if I spoke up, it became an attack on him, not me trying to point out “hey that’s not very nice and I don’t deserve that”.
It wasn’t worth it anymore, I shut down. I was a shell of my happy self.

He never had any friends when we were together and talking to him after our breakup , he’s in the same exact spot, which should have also been a huge red flag.

Nothing is ever good enough for him, and he’s never happy , and nothing can ever make him happy . He doesn’t like people , he doesn’t want to waste his time getting to know anyone, and everyone just sucks like everything else in life, for him.

He has zero empathy and has actually admitted to this, which should have been the biggest red flag to me, due to myself being a global empath and my pattern of being sucked in by people like this, because maybe, just maybe, I can show them enough love for them to change 🤦🏻‍♀️

For a while I thought it was avoidant or dismissive attachment , but it’s worse, narcissism , or hell maybe both

It’s been the hardest break up because I would fantasize about him being a smiling , happy and positive person. Maybe one day it would be different, he would tell me how amazing of a human I am, plan a date / vacation, put effort into a conversation or be inquisitive about me , but it will never be that 💔 it never was that

Towards the end all we did was fight, it was so horrible, and I just held on to my fantasy of him…

Since he left, my whole life has turned around, but I still think of him, his smile, his touch, the moments that were too rare, like feeling safe with my head on his chest, or embraced in a hug… that is just a drop in the ocean of verbal abuse, manipulation and gaslighting that started taking place too often

I have to let go

Can that be anything other than a red flag?

Okay so here we go. Bear with me. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We arguably have an age difference (not significant but noticeable.) we have always had an amazing relationship and really this is my first relationship I’ve been in. I struggle with bpd and sometime around 1.5 years into the relationship i noticed it becoming an issue in the relationship. If that’s all that it was/is. We often bicker and fight over stupid shit, with just a few bigger arguments in the time we’ve been together.

Recently a couple days ago, we were sitting on the couch. I started moving my arms like he was and saying what he was saying. Not really sure why. I was smiling and joking around (I think?) I’m not really sure why I was mocking him. He was laughing and smiling so to whta I thought I didn’t think I was upsetting him. A couple seconds later I stop and we go back to watching our show. I go to ask for the remote to pause it because I was going to tell him something, and he started mocking me back. I kept asking for the remote and as he mocking me and I’m asking for the remote he refuses to give it to me and mocks me . I know I shouldn’t be upset considering I’ve been mocking him for 2 minutes. Anyways. I get off the couch to grab the remote from him, when he clenches it and waves it away from me. I try to pry it from his hands and he still has the remote and with all his strength pulls it away. In frustration I walk into the bedroom to get away because I was severely pissed. I walk back into the living room to talk to him about what has just occurred, when I start hearing football on the tv that was changed from our show. That makes me very upset and I start raising my voice asking why he wouldn’t give me the remote and kept withholding it from me. We start arguing for a bit. And he says that I do things to upset him and get a reaction from him, which now that I see it, isn’t far off base…. We start arguing. He brings up the fact my friend is a swinger and she invited me to a club (I denied) and he starts demanding my phone. When I refuse, he is screaming GIVE ME YOUR PHONE OR GET THE F OUT OF HERE . when I refuse to either give him my phone or leave, he opens the window (we live on the 3rd floor of our building) and starts hanging my items out of the window to throw out. I walk into his bedroom to grab his most prized possession, his Kanye poster. When I walk into the living room the act as though I’m going to break it. He drops my things and runs over to me and manhandled me and wrapped around me and ripped it from my hands, he was wrapped around me and refuses to let go. I pull his hair and he’s hurting me and so I push him away. We argue for a while, and out of anger and frustration I say something along the lines of like maybe this is one of the reasons you failed college (I’m not sure how we got there but we did and I said that) and he’s saying things like there’s no wonder you’re a crazy bpd ridden trailer trash, product of meth, nobody can love you that’s why your mom left you. I get very angry and say “when your cousin offed himself did you feel bad? Like you could’ve done more?) I know how fucked up that was. Like so incredibly. I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth… and then he says maybe that’s why you were assaulted as a young girl. Go be a sl\\\*\\\* and use your body. It’s all you’re good for. And idk….. he posted something on Reddit and all the comments say that I’m a narcissist. And I’m starting to believe them. I need help. Seriously. Like idk what you guys think if anybody will even see this. I don’t want to ruin the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him so much and I don’t know why I do or say these things especially in arguments.

tl;dr I think I’m a narcissist I say the most hurtful things and poke at my partner
tl;dr i intentionally hurt my partner and got the same O.D. my own medicine and couldn’t take it