u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7

I have seen a wicked and crafty grin come across his face as he listened to me telling him something sad I went through.

I have seen the "nice guy" mask almost literally slip away in an instant when it was no longer needed. I have seen scary looks on his face that he did not realize were there. His eyes went all dark with a quiet rage when I refused to have sex with him after we separated. A wicked grin at other times in other circumstances. Like someone playing a game and thinking they are winning.

If you are reading this, you have probably seen things like this too. Tell me what you have seen?

Have you ever thought about it?

Narcissists are like vampires, and we, their victims, are their food.

Lately, this thought keeps running through my mind, because my narcissistic husband (from whom I am separated) is acting like he is starving and as if I am the only food in the world to eat.

They are predators, and we are their prey.

Can anyone else out there relate to feeling like a narcissist's meal?

Have you ever thought about it?

Narcissists are like vampires, and we, their victims, are their food.

Lately, this thought keeps running through my mind, because my narcissistic husband (from whom I am separated) is acting like he is starving and as if I am the only food in the world to eat.

They are predators, and we are their prey.

Can anyone else out there relate to feeling like a narcissist's meal?

Have you ever thought about it?

Narcissists are like vampires, and we, their victims, are their food.

Lately, this thought keeps running through my mind, because my narcissistic husband (from whom I am separated) is acting like he is starving and as if I am the only food in the world to eat.

They are predators, and we are their prey.

Can anyone else out there relate to feeling like a narcissist's meal?

On the day that I told my husband that I was leaving him, he did something scary with a HUGE knife which I believe to have been intended as an unspoken threat. The next day, he claimed to be suicidal.

And this past Saturday, when I went to pick up the last of my stuff, he sexually assaulted me. There was a moment on the day of the sexual assault when he had a look full of malice in his eyes and I swear I think he wanted to kill me. Please be very careful when you leave a narcissist.

You don't need to tell them face to face like a regular person. You don't owe them a nice explanation. You should prepare and leave in secret while the narcissist is away, if you can. You don't owe them ANYTHING. They took more from you in peace of mind than they could ever repay. Leave when they are away and/or have some strong, muscular friends and family come to get you. And have a police escort or something if you can.

If the police had come, if I had not been alone with him when I got the last of my stuff, then maybe he would not have sexually assaulted me. Then maybe ... I would not have been so afraid and broken today ...

On the day that I told my husband that I was leaving him, he did something scary with a HUGE knife which I believe to have been intended as an unspoken threat. The next day, he claimed to be suicidal.

And this past Saturday, when I went to pick up the last of my stuff, he sexually assaulted me.

There was a moment on the day of the sexual assault when he had a look full of malice in his eyes and I swear I think he wanted to kill me.

Please be very careful when you leave a narcissist.

You don't need to tell them face to face like a regular person. You don't owe them a nice explanation. You should prepare and leave in secret while the narcissist is away, if you can.

You don't owe them ANYTHING. They took more from you in peace of mind than they could ever repay. Leave when they are away and/or have some strong, muscular friends and family come to get you. And have a police escort or something if you can.

If the police had come, if I had not been alone with him when I got the last of my stuff, then maybe he would not have sexually assaulted me. Then maybe ... I would not have been so afraid and broken today ...

I believe that my narcissistic soon-to-be-ex husband who I have left was jealous of my ESA cat. He said something a time or two about me loving the cat more than him.

I have heard and read stories or narcissists killing beloved pets in revenge for their significant other leaving them, or of narcissists forcing their S.O. to sell or get rid of pets. While I lived with my husband, I had to keep reminding him to close the door to our room. My cat is very smart and can push open partially closed doors. We had a tricky door for a while. Sometimes, my husband would shut the door and it would not be fully shut. Sometimes, the door would even be completely open. Thankfully, I became paranoid about how he would either never fully shut the door or even just plain leave it open. I would go check the door after he closed the door.

Looking back, I can see that he may have either consciously or unconsciously trying to get my cat to run away. Do any of you have any feedback on this or stories of your own?

Perhaps, this is an extension of the way they try to isolate us from other loved ones?​

I separated from my narcissistic husband about 5+ weeks ago, but I was hospitalized and did not have a chance to go back for the last of my stuff until this past Saturday. He arranged things so that I would be alone with him for about 10 to 20 minutes. During that time, he sexually assaulted me ... it was not rape, but it was unwanted sexual touch, and it messed me up. Then today, I texted him about it. He pulled the DARVO (Deny, Attack Reverse Victim Offender) on me and acted all sad. It messed me up. Now, I feel like I love him again ... but I am terrified of him and he is unsafe!

Narcissists mess with your head.

Don't play their games.

But wow, do their games ever create a strong addictive bond in the brain! I felt physically sick for days after I left him about 5 weeks ago. It was like I was detoxing from drugs. Just hold on. You will get through the withdrawal symptoms. Get away. Maybe take a trip with a safe friend or family member. Cut off all contact with him. Break the bonds. Your freedom, safety, and peace of mind are worth it.

And when you leave, make sure to either call the cops and have them be there for your safety and / or have some family and friends there, especially if you have some strong, muscular male friends or relatives who could come to help move your stuff. Be safe.

Can anyone tell me why I suddenly feel as if I love him again? I am so scared of him now, but I think the DARVO maybe strengthened or renewed the trauma bond? I saw him as the sweet, caring man he wants everyone to think he is when he was painting himself that way during the DARVO. Does this make sense to anyone?

Trigger warning for victims of sexual assault.

Today, I went to my narcissistic husband's apartment to pick up the last of my stuff. I separated from him about 5 or 6 weeks ago, but I have been hospitalized twice for suicidal ideation since leaving him, so I only just now had an opportunity to go and get the rest of my stuff.

He had told me that he brought the last of my stuff with him to his new apartment when he moved out of his sister's apartment about a month ago. He lied.

I went to his apartment with my mother to pick up what I thought was the last of my stuff, as well as my car and some important papers. While I was there, he said a bunch of messed up stuff, but I expected that and just tried to gray rock my way through it. Part of the way through the process, he told me that oh, by the way, he left some things behind at his sister's house. It was a 17 minute drive away.

At this point, my Mom and I had been packing and sorting for a few hours. Mom was tired. She drove home. I drove to my husband's sister's place, and my husband drove separately with the key to let me in to his sister's place. He came inside with me. I should have known that would be dangerous. Why didn't I know? 🥺 No one else was home. It was just us. God help me ...

I get to the room where my stuff was, I start trying to quickly sort it. He starts asking me over and over again if I will have sex with him. I keep saying no. Next, he starts touching intimate places as I am bending down to pick up my stuff off the floor. I was already scared, but when he took it from just pressuring me for sex over and over to actually touching intimate places against my will, I knew I had to get out of there fast and that I never should have let myself be alone with him.

At one point, he had the most frightening look on his face. Such malice ... maybe I had said no to sex one too many times - and now - he's thinking about taking it all the way to rape, hitting me, or murder. I could see it in his eyes. It was the most terrifying facial expression I have ever seen on a face. I somehow got out of there before he could do what he was thinking of. I got out. I got out ...

I am alive. I am typing this now. It was a 2 and a half hour drive home to where I live now. I feel sick. I feel so sick that these terrible things happened today. And I needed to tell someone.​​

First off, I want to say how very sorry I am for all of you who have experienced narcissistic abuse. My husband is a communal narcissist, so he is one of the subtler types. But he abused me all day long. I am not here to say that what happened to me was in any way worse than what happened to anyone else. I am here to shine a light on some disturbing trends I am seeing in this forum.

I feel sad for both the victims of the more direct, harsh narcissists and those of the subtler, head games types. You both have the equal right to say you were abused.

I have noticed a disturbing trend in this forum that occurs sometimes. I have noticed that ocassionaly in this forum the victims of loud, obvious narcissists become very angry at the victims of subtler narcissists. Some (but not many) victims of loud narcissists rush in here and gaslight the victims of the subtler types of narcissists such as covert narcissists and communal narcissists. It is very hurtful. Why should we fight each other? Why should we be here saying, "What happened to you is not abuse?" I just saw and responded to a post wherein someone angry was posting about this. Their opinion struck me as gaslighting and potentially divisive and harmful. We should unite and help each other, not point fingers at other victims and say that what happened to them was not traumatic.

Below, I have copied and pasted my response to their post:

There are subtler forms of narcissism.
My husband is a communal narcissist.
That is a less flashy form of the grandiose narcissist.

Narcissists can be very subtle. I know some are loud, shouting, obvious. But the subtle ones are very damaging too. They tear people down before their victims realize it, because they utilize small put downs, little bits of gaslighting, etc. All day long.

Just because the narcissist in someone's life doesn't run in screaming and waving bright flags covered in swear words does not mean that abusive partner is not a narcissist.

Not all narcissists are the same. There are a lot of similarities, but there are several types. If someone insists that only the kind who scream, kick, and yell are narcissists, they are potentially spreading misinformation.

That does a lot of damage to the victims who are constantly enduring subtle abuse all the time. I had no idea why I felt like crap all the time until I started googling some of the stuff he was saying and doing all day long. Little bits of this and that all day long. Not screaming. Not yelling or swearing, but hurting me all day long in a thousand very intentional ways. Please have a care before insisting that the type of narcissist you have experienced is the only kind. Remember that not everyone's type of narcissist is the same as yours.

Also, the toilet thing is real. Yes, some regular folks forget the toilet seat, etc. But some narcissists seem to be deliberately and systematically using poor hygiene (along with a thousand other things like gaslighting, put downs, etc.) as a way of making home an unpleasant place for their families. There are many posts about that. Some narcissists insist on sex after not having showered or brushed their teeth and eating onions, not wearing deodorant. They know very well what they are doing. That is only the tip of the iceberg, though it can be a big deal. My husband was abusing me in about a thousand different ways. But if you met him, you would never know, because he did it to me all behind closed doors when other people were around. My Mom still does not believe that he is a narcissist.

I have a sort of vague mental picture of the person I was before I married my narcissistic husband.

I remember that person, but I am not her anymore. I do not think it is likely that I ever can or will be that person again. Somehow, realizing this is causing me a deep, quiet grief.

Too late, I realize that I really like the person I was. She was cool, funny, confident, smart, and kind.

Now, I am just very quiet a lot of the time. It is quiet in my head and my heart. I feel like a big part of me died. My body is still alive, but he destroyed so much. He undid 40 years' worth of counseling in a marriage that has lasted less than 8 months so far. (I am clinically depressed and was sexually abused several times as a child, and I experienced a lot of trauma as well, so yes, I actually did need 40 years of counseling.)

Now, I don't know who I am. I am not her anymore. I think I have to accept that I might never be her again. That makes me feel sick. Part of me died. All that is left is this meek, compliant shell.

I left him, but I am not sure who I am now, who I will be, or if I can ever again be the person I was.​

I feel like I ought to have a funeral for the person I was before him. I miss her.

Maybe ... I can be a bit like her in the future ... but I do not think I can ever quite be her again.

Today, I woke up to a text message from my husband asking me for sex. We have been separated about a month.

Now, he is texting me and asking me again and again for sex. He thinks that if he just keeps asking, I will have sex with him. He thinks that he is entitled to it.

I have not yet blocked him, because he still has some of my stuff and my car until this Saturday. Just a few more days to go.

In the meantime ... I ... feel sickened, used, and abused by his texts in which he keeps asking again and again for texts, even though I keep saying no. I need to just stop responding. But then, when I do not respond to his text messages, he starts calling and calling until I pick up the phone.​

I have left him, don't worry. But somehow, I think I want to know what other people might think the answer to this is.

On the day that I told my narcissistic husband that I was going to leave him, maybe an hour later, I made us both 2 small pulled chicken sandwiches on hamburger buns. The buns were so small as to be almost 'slider' size. All we had at the time and all we could afford.

He says he will only eat half of one of these small sandwiches and save the remaining 1.5 sandwiches for dinner at work.

He pulls out a HUGE knife to cut that small sandwich. The blade itself is maybe 12 inches or more long.

Then, he just ... puts that knife on the edge of his plate and it just sits there while we eat. Was it on his plate or beside it? My confused brain cannot quite remember the answer to that question now. All I know is that it was on the side closest to me, and I was within arm's reach or stabbing reach.

As we ate, it felt as if he was thinking about something to do with the knife.

I remember thinking, "This is how I am going to die, because he is going to kill me today with that knife," and I just sat very quietly and prayed and prayed that he would not kill me. We were alone in the house that day. ​I prayed, "Dear God, I do not want to die this way. It sounds so painful. Please save my life."

Fast forward to the next day, as we sat alone together in the car, he threatens to kill himself. Later, he said that he only said he would kill himself to see what I would do.

So tell me ... what do you think that huge knife on or beside his plate meant? Maybe he just forgot it there after cutting his sandwich? Maybe he just got lazy and did not want to walk to the sink to put it away? It did not feel that way, somehow. Maybe he wanted me to think he was planning to harm himself, to harm me, or to harm both of us?

For weeks after the knife incident, I was terribly afraid and sometimes, I would see that knife on the inside of my eyelids when I closed my eyes.

I have left him, and I am not quite so afraid now. But sometimes, I still wonder about that knife and what it meant.​

Please talk to me about your 'sweet' narcissists. I read a lot of stuff about the ones who are just total jerks with little to nothing in the way of appeal, but my narcissistic husband can be very sweet most of the time. It is all a deception, though. In the same very 'sweet' tone of voice, he has emotionally abused me, manipulated me, spiritually abused me, financially abused me, etc.

Also, he has a very sweet persona that he has carefully crafted. Everyone else thinks he is the sweetest guy. They don't know how he speaks to me behind closed doors and when we are alone. He has a special smile that is extra charismatic that he saved just for other people and never gave to me. So practiced and handsome and appealing. People almost instantly like him when he smiles at them that way. He makes shallow / surface level friendships easily.​

He hides his sins behind the veil of religious piety. He puts on the appearance of being so holy, but I have seen his heart and his actions. He even used Bible verses to be abusive to me! He used our religion against me, but I still love and believe in God. He behaves like someone who is not a true follower of our faith.

He is very good with flattery, sweet words, and over the top compliments. When he is being 'nice' (love bombing before and after saying mean and abusive things​), he speaks like a hero from a romance novel saying things like, "my Cinderella" and "my queen."

The soft, sweet tone of voice and the "aw shucks aren't I so cute and wholesome?" persona that instantly attracts people to him now drive me crazy because they are such a lie. Also, it makes it hard for some people who have met him to believe that he is as abusive as I say he is. He has such a carefully crafted mask of 'sweetness', and he hides behind it so well.

I left my narcissistic husband a few weeks ago, and I still have contact with him for a bit longer for several reasons. (For about 10 more days, he has my car, some of my stuff, and some important papers.)

He insists on daily contact in the meantime.

He is pulling out all of the stops and using flowery and sweet words, saying things like, "my Cinderella, my queen," etc.

Somehow, this hurts me very much, because Words Of Affirmation is my primary love language. I love words, and I love to give kind words to people as an act of love. It is very painful to me to have to accept that some people use pretty words that ought to be kind words as a way to manipulate, not to express love. I am having to harden my heart against these words. It is very difficult and painful. Also, it makes me feel like the bad guy. I have to keep reminding myself that I left him because he was abusing me emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. He is putting on the wounded lover act, and he sounds so sweet. It is very hard to stand firm against it. I feel terrible and guilty. It is very painful and goes against my nature, which was intended to be gentle and giving. I grieve this. It feels like a loss. Will I lose the tender part of myself? Will I lose faith and trust in loving words?

I know that his words are a lie. I know because of the things he said and did all the time in the past.

Also, today, I had to ask something that was very hard to ask, and he responded to it selfishly.

I am disabled. I applied for my Aged, Blind, and Disabled benefits about 20 days ago, and the benefits still have not started yet. Not looking like I will have money to live on before next month, maybe not even by then. So, I had to ask him if he could pay for our joint car insurance and phone bill one more time for us before we split our accounts. He paid for this month without complaining, but when I said I might not have money by next month, he whined about having to pay as if we were still married (we ARE still married!) If I were the healthy spouse, and my disabled spouse asked me for money or help, even if they were an ex, I would help them if I could. It is the decent thing to do. ​I cannot understand the mindset of thinking that paying for 2 months (this month and next month) of our joint car insurance and phone bill is an imposition given that I am disabled and unemployed and that I did not ask for spousal support. I told him that I could have taken him to court and taken half his money. I told him that I could have asked for ongoing spousal support, but that I did not want to do that to him. That put things in perspective for him. Suddenly, he was eager to accept that all I am asking for is for him to pay for our joint bills for one more month!

Tonight, I am too angry and sad to sleep, and I want to talk to someone about what it is like to leave a narcissist. Talk to me about your experiences? Got some advice to offer?

I left my narcissistic husband a few weeks ago, and I still have contact with him for a bit longer for several reasons. (For about 10 more days, he has my car, some of my stuff, and some important papers.)

He insists on daily contact in the meantime.

He is pulling out all of the stops and using flowery and sweet words, saying things like, "my Cinderella, my queen," etc.

Somehow, this hurts me very much, because Words Of Affirmation is my primary love language. I love words, and I love to give kind words to people as an act of love. It is very painful to me to have to accept that some people use pretty words that ought to be kind words as a way to manipulate, not to express love. I am having to harden my heart against these words. It is very difficult and painful. Also, it makes me feel like the bad guy. I have to keep reminding myself that I left him because he was abusing me emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. He is putting on the wounded lover act, and he sounds so sweet. It is very hard to stand firm against it. I feel terrible and guilty. It is very painful and goes against my nature, which was intended to be gentle and giving. I grieve this. It feels like a loss. Will I lose the tender part of myself? Will I lose faith and trust in loving words?

I know that his words are a lie. I know because of the things he said and did all the time in the past.

Also, today, I had to ask something that was very hard to ask, and he responded to it selfishly.

I am disabled. I applied for my Aged, Blind, and Disabled benefits about 20 days ago, and the benefits still have not started yet. Not looking like I will have money to live on before next month, maybe not even by then. So, I had to ask him if he could pay for our joint car insurance and phone bill one more time for us before we split our accounts. He paid for this month without complaining, but when I said I might not have money by next month, he whined about having to pay as if we were still married (we ARE still married!) If I were the healthy spouse, and my disabled spouse asked me for money or help, even if they were an ex, I would help them if I could. It is the decent thing to do. ​I cannot understand the mindset of thinking that paying for 2 months (this month and next month) of our joint car insurance and phone bill is an imposition given that I am disabled and unemployed and that I did not ask for spousal support. I told him that I could have taken him to court and taken half his money. I told him that I could have asked for ongoing spousal support, but that I did not want to do that to him. That put things in perspective for him. Suddenly, he was eager to accept that all I am asking for is for him to pay for our joint bills for one more month!

Tonight, I am too angry and sad to sleep, and I want to talk to someone about what it is like to leave a narcissist. Talk to me about your experiences? Got some advice to offer?

I left my narcissistic husband a few weeks ago, and I still have contact with him for a bit longer for several reasons. (For about 10 more days, he has my car, some of my stuff, and some important papers.)

He insists on daily contact in the meantime.

He is pulling out all of the stops and using flowery and sweet words, saying things like, "my Cinderella, my queen," etc.

Somehow, this hurts me very much, because Words Of Affirmation is my primary love language. I love words, and I love to give kind words to people as an act of love. It is very painful to me to have to accept that some people use pretty words that ought to be kind words as a way to manipulate, not to express love. I am having to harden my heart against these words. It is very difficult and painful. Also, it makes me feel like the bad guy. I have to keep reminding myself that I left him because he was abusing me emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. He is putting on the wounded lover act, and he sounds so sweet. It is very hard to stand firm against it. I feel terrible and guilty. It is very painful and goes against my nature, which was intended to be gentle and giving. I grieve this. It feels like a loss. Will I lose the tender part of myself? Will I lose faith and trust in loving words?

I know that his words are a lie. I know because of the things he said and did all the time in the past.

Also, today, I had to ask something that was very hard to ask, and he responded to it selfishly.

I am disabled. I applied for my Aged, Blind, and Disabled benefits about 20 days ago, and the benefits still have not started yet. Not looking like I will have money to live on before next month, maybe not even by then. So, I had to ask him if he could pay for our joint car insurance and phone bill one more time for us before we split our accounts. He paid for this month without complaining, but when I said I might not have money by next month, he whined about having to pay as if we were still married (we ARE still married!) If I were the healthy spouse, and my disabled spouse asked me for money or help, even if they were an ex, I would help them if I could. It is the decent thing to do. ​I cannot understand the mindset of thinking that paying for 2 months (this month and next month) of our joint car insurance and phone bill is an imposition given that I am disabled and unemployed and that I did not ask for spousal support. I told him that I could have taken him to court and taken half his money. I told him that I could have asked for ongoing spousal support, but that I did not want to do that to him. That put things in perspective for him. Suddenly, he was eager to accept that all I am asking for is for him to pay for our joint bills for one more month!

Tonight, I am too angry and sad to sleep, and I want to talk to someone about what it is like to leave a narcissist. Talk to me about your experiences? Got some advice to offer?

I left my narcissistic husband a few weeks ago by way of my ending up in the hospital due to suicidal ideation. That 2nd hospitalization in less than 7 months of marriage was enough for me to feel I could leave.

Next Saturday, I get my car, the last of my stuff, and important papers back from him. After that, I will file for divorce. I have to make a few phone calls about medical bills. Might need to do something about taxes next year even though I am disabled an will be on ABD (Aged, Blind, & Disabled) income soon. I hope I do not have to contact him next year. He's a contract worker from overseas who did not have taxes taken out of his income until recently. (Anyone had to deal with figuring the tax thing out with a narcissistic spouse?)

He keeps begging me to get back together with him and love bombing me, then getting mad when I do not immediately respond. Once I get my car and stuff, the beginning of the end of my contact with him can start. Cannot wait to be able to tell him not to text or call me except for stuff about bills. Cannot wait.

I feel like I need to talk to the spouses, friends, and family members of narcissists today about how things went for them with going no contact / low contact. Any advice for me?​

I left my narcissistic husband a few weeks ago by way of my ending up in the hospital due to suicidal ideation. That 2nd hospitalization in less than 7 months of marriage was enough for me to feel I could leave.

Next Saturday, I get my car, the last of my stuff, and important papers back from him. After that, I will file for divorce. I have to make a few phone calls about medical bills. Might need to do something about taxes next year even though I am disabled an will be on ABD (Aged, Blind, & Disabled) income soon. I hope I do not have to contact him next year. He's a contract worker from overseas who did not have taxes taken out of his income until recently. (Anyone had to deal with figuring the tax thing out with a narcissistic spouse?)

He keeps begging me to get back together with him and love bombing me, then getting mad when I do not immediately respond. Once I get my car and stuff, the beginning of the end of my contact with him can start. Cannot wait to be able to tell him not to text or call me except for stuff about bills. Cannot wait.

I feel like I need to talk to the spouses, friends, and family members of narcissists today about how things went for them with going no contact / low contact. Any advice for me?​

I just got out of the psych ward today. I was in the hospital for suicidal ideation. I had to leave my husband, because he was abusing me. Now, I am living with my mother and brother.

I am disabled, clicinically depressed, with clinical anxiety. I am unemployed and trying to get on SSI disability.

45, almost 46. Newly single, childless woman. Going to be divorced. The marriage is toxic with life threatening abuse, so it cannot and should not be saved. I have no career. I am so lost ... at least I have a place to live. Everything else is so wrong and messed up. I no longer feel as if God has a plan for my life. 😢