r/AutismInWomen

So people describe me as very bubbly and energetic and able to make eye contact when im masking and making people feel good , asking questions and scripting. Sharing personal life. Etc etc. I always wondered tho why some popular kids in HS were targeting me specifically when there were other autistic people there too and weirder than me. It wasn't until I found out that I was doing something so freaking stupid now that I realize it. Once I have a tired face I look so bitter and bitchy but I was the only one scanning the room constantly cause im always curious whats going on qnd I noticed other autistic people don't do that. Several times (like 4x) I've scanned the room with my fugly looking face and my eyes landed on a few of them and recently I've heard them saying "oh that one sat right there is so bitter and yadah yadah". And I was upset at first but like now I totally understand like my face looks like I hate and envy you. So thats a crazy realization to me that may have not been obvious. And ice scanned the room SO many times bruh its a rare instance where im actually with neurotypicals this time

Im so curious what some of the women with autism can do cause personally I haven't been a fan of the infantilazation of autistic women. Like media portrays us as people who are slow, dumb, behind mentally and hides it behind a sign that says "Autism is a superpower, harness it!". Its like they're trying to make it seem as if we were a whole different breed but ik many of us can fit into society, blend in, make friends with over neurotypicals and neurodivergents. We just get extremely exahusted but its not like we were some kind of alien who isn't capable of being charismatic and successful. So tell me what's your greatest achievements I wanna know! For me I think definitely being able to make others like me in interactions by bringing positive energy but also competent at what I do like getting things done while studying by the beach, nature, the library. And my lifelong dream is to live in a pretty house by the beach or in the woods and work enough to retire early by 7 years. Oh and im applying to nursing cause yk I wanna work 3 days a week and the rest of the days have it for myself. Is it possible to do all this? It all seems scary. But I really wanna get motivated by you all so let me know! I love reading reddit stories (special intrest hahaha)

I hate about 90% of movie/TV adaptations of books. It is so hard for me to watch anything adapted from a book I've read because all I can focus on is all the details they've changed and how different everything is from how I've imagined it. It almost hurts when it's a book I particularly love. Does anyone else experience this?

It also feels like now people who have only seen the movie have a fundamental misunderstanding of what the story is supposed to be, which really annoys me.

Because I'm feeling especially grumpy about this (luteal phase, anyone?), here are some books I love with movie adaptations I hate: To Kill a Mockingbird, Howl's Moving Castle, Practical Magic, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, 'Salem's Lot, Breakfast at Tiffany's.

There are definitely exceptions where I love both book and movie, but more often than not I feel mildly infuriated.

In addition to hearing if there's a movie or show you feel this way about, I think it would be fun to recommend good adaptations. I really liked the HBO series of His Dark Materials, although I haven't seen the last season.

the topic is in the title, everything else is just extra context. feel free to share anything else that has helped u, provide specifics into ur preferences, or what works well for u from what i listed.
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recently tried energy drinks again. celsius, specifically, works especially well and helps me move at a normal human speed. also ofc gives me the much needed energy. i want to incorporate this into my daily routine—or at least on work and school days—and no, i don’t want to cut out weed. life is stressful enough as it is, and knowing that i get to smoke before bed is like a little reward that pushes me to get through my day.

adhd meds help a lot but i was always tired regardless if i slept 8, or even 12 fucking hrs. drank not even half a celcius during a shift at my new job and i knew i found what i was missing.

I’ve been diagnosed for a year and a half now. Diagnosed at 18, 20 now.
I don’t know why but I have more shutdowns, I’m more quiet/shy, visibly checked out and in my own world. Are you okay? What’s wrong? Brushing teeth is hard, getting out of bed is hell. Eating enough is difficult. Everything is too loud. Emotions are up and down, my mind is my worst enemy. My rejection sensitivity is so bad. Whyy??

I just hate this twice daily chore. With a passion.

I've figured out that for every ten years I've been alive I've done this so many thousands of times.

So I'm now thinking of setting aside a whole day where I just brush my teeth a thousand times and that can do me for another year all in one go.

Hah.

I know we’re supposed to be body positive especially in a world where unrealistic and unhealthy bodies are pushed as the ideal standard and EDs are practically flaunted and encouraged in the media to the detriment of women, but Jesus Christ I hate being fat and I just want to complain about it for 30 seconds.

The sensory experience alone is hell nothing is ever comfortable nothing fits right you could have clothes tailored to fit your body and they still feel weird because they’re digging into and fitting around soft fat instead of sitting snug and nice. I hate that my body moves and jiggles when I move I hate that there’s so much of it I hate the feeling or rolls or how big my boobs are. I hate how hot and sweaty I feel all the time I hate how I don’t feel limber or move easily. I hate that it draws even more negative attention from society on top of being autistic.

If I could wave a magic wand and be a size 4 in the blink of an eye I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight in the past 3 years, but still have a ways to go and every time I kind of slack off and maybe gain 5 lbs around the holidays I swear I can just physically feel that difference and the sensory experience is pure hell.

This heat has been hard on me to say the least. Even when it’s not horribly hot out, my body is still overheating. I have bad heat intolerance and am also on medications that exacerbate that. I get very overstimulated.

My boyfriend does not understand. He thinks I should go outside in the heat more so my body can get used to it. He used to work long hours outside, and said that he was fine.

I tried explaining to him a while back why and how this is different, that humans are complex and that is not something that will work for me. He just doesn’t get it, so I dropped it and kept on feeling misunderstood.

Now every time it’s hot and I get the need to self regulate, I end up feeling pangs of anger at being dismissed. To him, my heat induced misery is self inflicted and fixable by melting myself even more in the direct sunlight.

No. I’ll stay here and survive dripping sweat in front my Godsend AC, carrying ice packs, and staying hydrated.

I’m tired of being dismissed and misunderstood. Why can’t I be given benefit of the doubt that this is actually happening to me and I’m not overreacting? There seems to be a pattern of these kinds of things happening, and it makes me very frustrated and sad

I had one before because I worked my way into it then got laid off when 40% of the company shut down.

I am so, so depressed. I do not know how to get another high paying job. I have the education, certs, and qualifications but do not understand the interviews. I have been on 36 interviews this year so far before filing bankruptcy not exaggerating it is the exact number, plus 3 after bankruptcy, and did not pass any of them.

I am becoming so overwhelmed and depressed. They want my skills clearly but do not want me as a person.

I know the stereotype is that autistic people are so passionate about their interests that they info-dump to everyone around them. I have neurodivergent friends who definitely fit this stereotype. But I'm kinda the opposite in that aspect.

I have special interests that I'm completely obsessed about and that own my entire heart, but I feel like I only enjoy these things in solitude. If I talk about them out loud to another person, I instantly feel socially awkward and get embarrassed, so then I water it down to like 5 seconds because I feel like they're probably disinterested, and I stop talking quickly. I don't like taking up time or space. I think I maybe used to yap more as a kid and maybe over time people weren't nice to me about it so I subconsciously stopped? But I can't even pinpoint a specific time this happened.

I just feel like I don't show myself enough. For example, one of my special interests is the Beatles and I don't think my two best friends (of almost 10 years) know a single thing about them. Likewise, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I've barely shown him anything (except one Beatles movie we watched in the very beginning of our relationship, and maybe a song comes on in the car and I say "this is the Beatles") but that doesn't match the extreme enthusiasm and deep knowledge I have.

The sad part is that I engage in all of my friends' special interests. I'm not complaining about that at all!!! Because I truly enjoy them!!! But I feel unbalanced and I want to do the same and I can't.

- I've listened to entire albums of KPop artists & watched hour-long Twitch streams of Genshin Impact for my one friend because they're her special interests, but I know she couldn't name any of mine.

- I joined a virtual pet site for my other friend and earnestly tried to learn it for years, but my favorite site that I adore is Neopets and I never even showed my friend that. Similarly, I play Pokemon Go with my boyfriend which I do enjoy, but we play every day and go to events and stuff and he teaches me so many extensive nuances of it, but I barely share my Neopets and when I do, I only talk for like a minute.

- My ex was Hispanic and I downloaded Duolingo and let him help teach me Spanish every single freaking day, yet I'm Greek and I only taught him one word of it in 5 years.

- I've watched multiple entire serieses for friends (Gravity Falls, Doctor Who, every single Marvel movie, every Star Wars movie and series, Lost, various animes), I've even COSPLAYED with my friends as characters from their special interests because they wanted to. But the only one of MY shows I've ever shown anyone was I showed my boyfriend HIMYM recently (my favorite show in the world) which was a good step in the right direction for me.

Again, I'm not complaining AT ALL about spending time with any of those people because it's not like I did any of it begrudgingly; I seriously enjoy spending the time with the people I love and being introduced to new things. But I don't know why I can't do the same thing. I give everything to learn about other people and then I'm too shy to show myself. Then I end up feeling like the only person who truly knows me is me.

Hi friends -

The title pretty much sums it up. I’m ADHD-PI, have a touch of OCD/rumination, and C-PTSD.

I take a Wellbutrin/Lamotrigine stack and find that helps enormously with my general depression and anxiety. I recently started Buspirone for rumination - and I just can’t keep up with taking it 3x a day.

Despite all this, my RSD is insanely easy to trigger. I am in therapy with a Neuro-affirming provider, go to Spravato (which helps a lot with shame and old grief) but I cannot get a handle on how insanely reactive I’ve become during my unmasking process and how extreme my RSD is. I’ve looked into schema therapy, but my provider is telling me that schema work involves some extremely intense stuff and you have to be extremely consistent with it so you don’t make your mental health worse.

Has anyone else had *medication* success in reducing reactivity/meltdowns? It’s the one thing I literally feel like I cannot get any traction on. I’ve done many modalities of therapy, but this is the persistent struggle that feels relentless.

Thank you for reading 💛

Just drop down some of your special interests, I’m curious.

I’ll start:

Greek mythology

The Nazca mummies

The 80s Hair metal scene

Trey Parker

Weirdly enough autism itself

I see this mainly at work - probably because I dont really socialize with anyone outside my family, one other asd friend, and boyfriend when not at work.

the timeline usually goes -

new hire, the girls try to be nice for a while. maybe a few months

few months in, a few start giving you the "ew" side eye when you talk or they start laughing and talking about you behind your back.

then, by probably 6+ months in when you've lost the ability to appropriately mask or you've lost your novelty you're phased-out, assigned as "not in the group" and they stop talking to you or give you very bare minimum inclusion so it keeps you guessing.

what the fuck.

I (29F) recently got burned out due to prolonged work & general life stress. My GP told me to start off I should rest for three weeks before considering looking at further steps. However, my hobbies require quite some focus (reading, gaming, knitting, crochet etc), none of which I can currently do without triggering more headaches.

My partner actually told me that he has never actually seen me rest bc I am always doing something. Now I am genuinely curious, how does one rest & relax ?!

Unfortunately I am exhausted both physically and mentally so I am trying to go for short walks (<20mins, when my anxiety allows) and do yoga daily. Besides that, I am at a loss. I've picked up painting which was fine initially but now also triggers headaches because I am once again too focused and taking it too seriously.

Help!

I can't take this. I'm from Germany and more and more people are voting for the fascist party AfD. It could become the ruling party soon in one state. I can't fucking take this knowing our history. I'm looking at the US and just know that's gonna be us in ten years, because any american trend becomes a european trend next. They're already taking away more and more social and cultural support programs and our government STILL actively supports the israeli government. I can't take it anymore, it's emotionally breaking me. I can't relax, I can't not think about it, I feel like as a human this is my responsibility and everyones responsibility, to look out for each other!!! As soon as I try to take a day to stay away from the news and calm down from these anxious thoughts, all I wanna do is not ever think about all the bad in the world again. Suddenly the slightest bad news triggers me. So I go all in again instead, because the empotional impact of a single bad event is not so awful when you're already surrounding yourself with bad news all the time. I feel like my choices are either blissful ignorance or being permanently unwell. I can't do anything in between. But I can't tolerate blissfull ignorance when I know I am like german citizens a hundred years ago, if I don't pay attention now, I will end up being one of those who "didn't know" what their government was doing, but really they did, they were just too comfortable in their privileges to resist. I think we're already at the point where being passive is enough to make you complicit so I can't be passive. And I know that a therapist (though I am not in therapy right now) would say that me being so caught up in this is because it's a special interest / hyperfixation, what I can't understand is why everyone doesn't feel this way!!! I feel like pathologizing these feelings is just another way to try and put activists in their place. Many of us are neurodivergent but WE'RE RIGHT. THE WAY THE WORLD IS GOING IS NOT RIGHT. I just wonder if I can ever find some peace of mind like this. I'm falling apart but it's preferable to the world falling apart.. :( Idk. I think I need a hug. I only like hugs from my mom and my best friend, but this is something they don't understand about me. If anyone has advice, or kind words, or anything,much appreciated.<3

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Hello everyone, this thought has been stucked in my head for a long time and I’d like to share it with someone.

I’m a very curious person and generally tend to analyze and systematize everything, so I constantly ask myself different questions about the world around me. But most of the time when I ask questions, I face aggression or just a negative reaction, and I can’t understand whether it’s me or the people around me.

For example, at work when I was given a task, I asked, “Why do this?” because I’m genuinely interested, and if I understand why I’m doing something, I’ll work better. The response was always negative, like, “Just do it, why does it matter?"

Or, for example, when I was listening to music, I noticed a repeating pattern in the genre, and I asked a friend, “I wonder why all these bands use the same vocal style?” To which she replied, “If you don’t like it, don’t listen,” and her voice at that moment was so tired and irritated, as if I hadn’t asked a question but had personally insulted her. I just can’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Do neurotypical people always perceive questions as whining or aggression? Should I keep asking questions or is it better to just stay silent? Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, tell me about your experience, I’m genuinely interested.

I’ll try to explain as best I can, but sometimes when I’m doing badly, I’ll be so like, flooded with emotion and stuck/ruminating in it. I feel so drawn inward and overwhelmed by my anxieties and emotions and I feel really disconnected from the world. And it’s often for hours and it takes a while to “shake off” or pull myself out of it, so I just kind of call it a lost day. I don’t know if this is what people mean when they say they have “episodes” or something. Anyways. Our ability to feel things as strongly as we do is cool sometimes but extremely exhausting the rest of the time. 🙃

To me, it seems like men at 40 and above see ME purely for sex and easy to manipulate.

I don't see them as a gold digging opportunity, quite the opposite.

I had the idea older men would be emotionally stable and calm and zero drama, but they employ subtle manipulation tactics. I've been using dating apps in the US (West coast) and this has been my personal experience.

They know it'd be socially a faux pas to actually date a woman my age, so therefore they only talk to me if they want a hookup or someone they can control, but never a real relationship and they never have the intention of marriage.

But then men younger than 40, I have preconceived notions about too. Because they are still trying to get it all out of their system if they haven't settled down yet. And then men my age have way less maturity and life experience than me. I guess I need to stop dating

Hi everyone!

To preface this, I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but my autism wasn’t considered “severe” so I was in general education.

I recently had a baby this year and stayed home for 5 months before putting her into daycare and working a job involving children. I previously only worked corporate roles, but we moved out to the suburbs and there weren’t many of those jobs around. I liked it initially because it was flexible and I could do part time or full time weeks whenever I wanted, but working with children that weren’t my own stressed me out so badly. I dreaded work every day and was desperately applying to jobs that seemed to suit me.

I came across a nonprofit role and applied despite having no prior nonprofit experience (it asked for it). I got through the HR screening, panel interview (both virtual) and the final interview (in person, involved several people). The final interview involved touring the office building. I made many comments and asked insightful questions. At the end, they sat me down with the team and they just started shooting questions at me. Usually, I get extremely anxious at this point and freeze. I shut down, but this, I felt more like myself. I got asked a question about a topic I’m VERY passionate about and started infodumping like crazy. I couldn’t really control it, but I just kept going and going. The team seemed more interested as the minutes passed and I could see them visibly relax.

Before I knew it, the interview was over, and the director of the nonprofit escorted me to my car. I was elated and then embarrassed. I was expecting a “we regret to inform you…” email days later. This morning, I got a call they cancelled the final interviews for other candidates and offered me the job. How lucky am I? I feel so so happy to finally leave this job.