u/Narrow-Relief7976

I’ve been diagnosed for a year and a half now. Diagnosed at 18, 20 now.
I don’t know why but I have more shutdowns, I’m more quiet/shy, visibly checked out and in my own world. Are you okay? What’s wrong? Brushing teeth is hard, getting out of bed is hell. Eating enough is difficult. Everything is too loud. Emotions are up and down, my mind is my worst enemy. My rejection sensitivity is so bad. Whyy??

19. I feel so deeply it affects me physically. I have not been able to stop crying this week, mental breakdown after mental breakdown. And it’s not my period making me emotional because just had it. The main reason being last Sunday me and the guy I was talking to both decided to end things after we hangout on Friday. We both got high and I got too high and he threw up and I started panicking and was paranoid something bad happened. So it was an eventful hangout to say the least.

On Sunday, he said he was scared of commitment, fear with inexperience, being too close, and anxiety. He also had really really bad anxiety. I had my own fears and have bad anxiety and overthinking. I feel like our fears triggered each other’s sometimes. I feel too much, overthink too much, have bad RSD that showed up and needed a lot of reassurance. I also said some self sabotaging things when I was feeling bad about being inexperienced.

So yeah I’m a bit damaged and have issues.

We talked for a month and a half and after all this ending I realized how attached I got. I put myself out there and so did he. I felt safe with him like I could be myself and unmask. We hung out like twice a week. We both had our first kiss with each other. FaceTimed mostly every night for 1-2 hours. Met his family and pets. I felt like a gf without the label.

I’ve felt like I’ve went insane, long crying spells, mental breakdowns, and a tight feeling in my chest to where it hurts. I can’t stop ruminating and looking for certainty. Is this limerence? Or am I suffering the loss?

I’ve had 8 recovery cycles. My periods being 4-5 days. I had HA for a year and a half. I’m really thankful I have my period back though it’s hard with body image still. I have alot of cellulite on my thighs and more overall body fat. I still have muscle it’s just more covered. Does anyone have any advice, or a similar experience?

I am self centered and way too vain. I focus on myself a lot, my thoughts, my feelings. My appearance like beauty standards for myself. I feel like I’ve fooled other people into liking me. It’s funny there’s a lot of I’s in this post. I’ve been talking to a guy for a month now and my sister mentioned this past month I haven’t been listening to her that well, instead I’ve been on my phone. It’s like I’m checked out and only focusing on that. But also I am just self centered.

I will never be perfect and that’s hard for me to accept. Perfect skin, perfect body, perfect life, perfect aesthetic, etc. If I don’t look good that day I don’t wanna go out, I’m always in public thinking about my flaws and how I can look better. Or I am worrying if I look bad. I love makeup it’s my thing, but mistake after mistake I’ll have a meltdown, and want to die.

I’ve always been an extreme perfectionist. I’ll do my makeup 3 times and then cry it off, just to put it back on.

Then after writing this out 5 minutes later I’m fine. I don’t understand.

I have a lot of diagnosis like ASD, anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and suspected BPD. I have traits of it, I complain a lot, seem to be frustrated, make things about myself. I go down a spiral of thinking I am once in a while and it’s hard for me to stop. For example today I was really upset my sister posed a bad photo with me in it for her graduation post. I can’t regulate my emotions much, I’m negative, paranoid, etc, and I’m a raging perfectionist. There’s a lot more.

I freak out once a week about my future. I feel so incompetent to plan my future and take a leap of faith. I work then come home every day. I'm 19 and life is scary not knowing, feeling stuck and feeling behind. Why am I like this? I didn’t take risks as a teenager or kid and followed rules by the book and I honestly believe that’s why I feel childish or like I can’ take a next step.

I’ve recovered from HA and have had 4 cycles. But my skin is still breaking out and it keeps flaring up, there’s no glow to it, it still looks dull. Plus my skin issues have flared up, and my bloating. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not eating exactly enough, but does anyone have any insight or suggestions?

I’m so tired of everything. I don’t want to talk, get ready, everything overstimulates me, everything thing bothers me, and I have such a low frustration tolerance. All of clothes fit me weird since gaining weight, my skin looks bad, everything. It’s so hard to keep up with hygiene too.

I know rest helps but when I rest and don’t work as much I feel lazy and like a complete failure.

I forget l the time, I have to think about it to do it. It’s so hard sometimes to actually do and remember to do.

I was asking if my sister thought my mom had autism, and she was like no I don’t. I asked why and she explained, then I explained why I think she does. Asking why gets me in trouble because it comes off the wrong way every time. People are allowed to have their own opinions and I know that, I was explaining why I thought she did, why do I always want more information or want to know why?

I’ve always been very expressive in my feelings since I was a kid. Emotionally sensitive lol. Severe anxiety, OCD, depression in teen years. I have a lot of diagnoses and issues. Diagnosed autism.

My sister has said she’s the forgotten child and she’s right. My parents didn’t have to “worry” about her. But she showed signs of ADHD as a kid a now, with excessive piles under her bed, etc. Plus she was bullied a lot. She is now 18 on anxiety and depression meds, and adhd meds. When my sister’s psychiatrist asked my mom if she had seen signs in my sister, she went blank.

I don’t understand. My mom works in Behavioral Health. My mom also made a comment about why I was upset and said “well she didn’t go to a prom”, and my sister felt bad after.

I could have gone I just didn’t it was my choice, and it’s not about me.

Yeah parents have trauma and I find out sometimes about my mom’s home life as a kid, and my dad’s.

Parents are getting divorced and family is very dysfunctional. My mom shows many signs of neurodivergence but she has been neglectful to my sister, why didn’t she notice she was struggling? My half sister helped her clean under her bed and get all the stuff out.

My dad isn’t there emotionally really and I think has some personality stuff going on.

Does anyone have a similar story or insight? I know this is a long read, I tried to space it out.