u/True_Pangolin_2509

My kids were with my mom this weekend. I badly needed the time to rest and unfuck the house because I've been in a bad bad bad bout of depression and burnout and no one gives a shit. But as always son watched tons of YouTube at Grandma's and got his heart set on a game mode I can't install and is losing his shit with disappointment.

And then before leaving she was smugly telling about how son "just isn't excited for camp this week" as though I don't have fucking eyes or ears or a brain. Yeah he's not excited because he wants to stay home and watch YouTube all day. This ain't news to me. But it irritates me because my mom has never had anything positive to say about any camp I've ever put my kids in and I think it affects the kids view of the camps (like my teen used to go to a good camp and seemed to love it at the time but my mom always had negative shit to say about it and now as a teen my daughter has nothing good to say about it either).

And then as she heads out the door she dumps her suspicion that my son has a tic on me. He has AuDHD and a tic probably means a whole revamping of his medication which will be a whole thing I don't have the spoons to deal with. I've already been in horrible burnout dealing with my teens endless medical issues and sons difficult to treat neurodivergence and no one notices or cares and all they have to offer me is more fucking appointments and more things to treat . And yeah its irrational to be irritated over this but this is another thing I would notice because I have eyes and ears and brain and it would just be nice to talk to another adult without them dumping bad news on me constantly while my son insistently talks at me me demanding my 100% to talk about a YouTube video for the entire 10 minutes I have to talk to said adult.

Just pisses me off because the little bit of time I got with the kids gone helped some but now it feels 10 times worse because God forbid someone keep them for a day without dumping a bunch of bad news on me.

God I need to be fucking alone for at least a week without cooking or cleaning or hauling everyone to constant appointments or runs to the pharmacy but if I say that people will just roll their eyes. No one understands how close I am to crashing out and everyone will be all shocked Pikachu when it happens.

Came back from vacation utterly exhausted and mildly sick almost a week ago. My son ran roughshed on the house this week covering every surface in toys and art supplies and then moving on to the next thing. I was just happy he wasn't glued to a screen so I let him and didn't have the spoons to make him clean up after himself .

Today I'm still exhausted but my son is with my mom and the entire house is fucking grody because I haven't had energy to clean. So I decided to get started on that with the kids out of the house.

And my husband does that thing men do when they see their wife trying to get the house in order and they decide to help by picking a project of minimal priority and hyper focus on that. In my husband's case it's cleaning the shower. And I love that he cleans the shower. It's something he's taken ownership of since we got the house and I'm grateful that I don't ever have to do it. But the house is filled with clutter and the surfaces are gross and I have friends coming over next weekend. And now I can't even put things away in our closet because the bathroom is the only way into our closet and I have to step over him to get through.

So my motivation is immediately killed outright before I barely began to work on unfucking the house.

Husband has been annoyed with me because I've been depressed again. Why? Because I've been quiet and tired. Fucking sorry that I can't perform 100% happiness all the time.

It's been a very long exhausting week and I'm completely ground down to nothing. It stormed loudly all night and I got very little sleep. I was lying in bed unable to stay awake this morning. That's when son came in and started getting into a big Lego set and husband noped out to the basement leaving a very sleepy me and a son with anger issues on his own with legos.

So yeah I was constantly drifting between sleep and being jostled awake by son getting angry over something or another. Finally he was begging me to help him find a piece so I dragged my ass out of bed just for him to move on.

I'm just so angry that husband left son in my room with a toy that historically causes him frustration while I was having trouble staying awake. A good nap would have fixed me today. Instead 10 minutes after I give up on napping son is done with the Legos and I have to go run some errands as soon as there's a break in the weather and I'm just so fucking annoyed with everything.

It's like this family knows when I'm struggling the most and pull out all the stops to keep me from meeting my needs.

So one of my 16 y/o's doctors is convinced she has exercise induced asthma. My daughter is convinced she does not. She's done some testing and a consult with a pulmonologist who said she doesn't have asthma but might have vocal cord dysfunction. So she has an appointment that involves a camera up the nose and down the throat while doing a stress test. The referring doctor disagrees with the pulmonologist and believes this procedure will reveal asthma. My daughter is absolutely dreading this procedure because it sounds awful and will take hours and the pulmonologist has shitty bedside manner.

I've talked to daughter about it and she absolutely does not want to do this. I worry I am being neglectful by not pursuing this further. My husband thinks it's harmful to force her to do a procedure she does not consent to. I already feel responsible for her possibly developing this in the first place because she was on allergy drops but she stopped taking them without telling me and refused to go back to it.

Another part of me is so fucking burnt out. My daughter has a ton of medical issues and my son is AuDHD with profound behavior issues and mental health effects. I can't with all the appointments and runs to the pharmacy and managing conditions and medications I have to do for these kids. Easily 4-5 appointments a week on a regular week. Medications are staggered and at different pharmacies and I feel like I'm always dealing with that too.

I am breaking down every day. No one in my life understands that my mental well being has had a sledge hammer smashed into it every day for the last 6,7 years and I can't seem to make anyone understand because you just have to keep doing what you're doing or you're a shit mom. I can barely squeak by as long as my kids are on board and cooperative. My daughter not wanting to go through with this makes it unbearable. So a selfish part of me just wants to say fuck it let's just cancel the fucking appointment since daughter doesn't want to go anyway.

I am in such a shitty position with what to do here. I really don't want to force my daughter into a very uncomfortable appointment with a dickhead pulmonologist but her other doctor is very insistent she should do this.

Just got back from my son's well child. All was well except the doctor noticed a bite mark on my son's arm. He has ADHD and we're in the process of getting him evaluated for autism (stupid long wait-lists). When he gets very dysregulated he sometimes bites himself. He gets ashamed of it and acts shifty and evasive when you notice bite marks and ask him about it but I've seen him do it many times so I know where they come from. I used to bite myself when I was a kid and I know how impulsive it can be and the shame that comes after.

He's been extremely dysregulated since we got back from vacation this week and I saw him bite himself yesterday but I didn't think much of it until the doctor noticed. Son of course was evasive when asked about it and I explained that he bites himself sometimes when frustrated and the doctor seemed to understand.

But a mandatory reporter has to do what a mandatory reporter has to do. I'm so scared CPS is going to show up and take him away to stay with strangers who don't understand him. Anyone deal with a self harming kid and mandatory reporting?

Anyone else experience this? We recently got back from a family vacation and my AuDHD son, who did pretty well on the vacation itself, is extremely dysregulated and explosive since we got back. He yells over everything and gets mad at the slightest demand like me wordlessly giving him his tooth brush or meds. He can usually do a Lego set independently but he got a new one out today and it's been a disaster with him messing up in ways he doesn't normally and getting mad over any mistakes. I try to correct him as gently as possible but he still gets upset and claims I'm being mean.

It has really ruined any peace we have in our home. Someone please tell me this is temporary and caused by the change to vacation mode and the change back to home mode?

EDIT: Not asking for medical advice

My 9 year old has his well child tomorrow. Last year I got a lecture about his weight. It's even worse this year. I know he's overweight. I don't really know how. He's AuDHD and is a very picky eater and his ADHD meds reduce his appetite during the day. He eats one slice of toast for breakfast (which itself is a struggle because he never wants to eat breakfast but needs to so he can take his meds), can rarely get him to eat lunch. He might pick at supper. Mostly drinks water. Sometimes he'll go over board snacking but we've been cutting down on that. He goes on a walk with his dad every morning and during the summer we basically live at the water park.

I am dreading the judgement and the lecture about his weight. I think I would cancel the appointment if his summer camp didn't require an updated physical.

My teen is medically complicated and my youngest is AuDHD who is in therapy, OT and speech therapy. We added a couple of specialists on top of the many we already had for my teen. I feel like I'm always drowning in appointments and procedures and the thought of going to any more appointments makes me want to cry. We just got back from vacation where I had a break from all that for almost 2 weeks and now we're back and there are so many appointments this week. On top of the younger one being dysregulated as fuck from all the change in routine and now being back home and trying to get back into the swing the of things.

On top of it my teen asked if I could take her shopping because she's sending a box of things to her boyfriend for their anniversary. She wants to get a hoodie and jeans. The boy lives in Hawaii I don't know what he's supposed to do with a hoodie and jeans. I'm an online shopper but she prefers to shop in person and honestly the thought of doing anything but sitting at home and veGging makes me so upset. IMy mom was supposed to take her but she bailed. My husband had offered to take the teen to an appointment on Thursday but I'm just waiting for him to bail on that too because I'm just so used to help being withdrawn when I need it most. I'm just so exhausted and I feel like that is never going to change.

Update: been dead on my feet today. Husband took the day off and is spending it by being cranky over the messes son is making while he plays. Dude I'm just happy he's occupying himself without a screen. Meanwhile husband isn't doing anything to help clean up the kitchen, just leaving his garbage and dishes on the counter for me to deal with. Gtfo with the grumping.

I mean we are "old" but that's not why. I am just fucking worn out and defeated by the time I finally get my AuDHD son in bed. During the day its random meltdowns that drain me one by one. And then the long ass process it takes to actually get him in bed and it seems to take longer with more arguments as time goes on . And even then I can't do anything more involved than mindlessly doom scroll because he'll be out of bed every ten minutes with one complaint or other. And then he'll be up no later than 6 or 7 the next morning to do it all again. So it drives me nuts when husband says "oh we're old because we go to bed so early". Speak for yourself. I'm just so fucking burned out and depressed that I crash after getting son into bed but stay up on my phone until midnight most of the time. Especially since he wants to launch right into watching shows together as soon as I lay down after getting son into bed when I just want to have a damn minute.

Back to cooking and cleaning and laundry. Looking at my schedule and I have at least one appointment to take a kid to each day, some days 2 appointments. Just dreading going back to constant appointments for my kids (therapy,.speech therapy, OT, doctor and specialist appointments) and crying at the thought of it. The one thing that made it better was knowing that husband was taking a day off and I was going to have him take son to speech therapy to take one tiny thing off my plate but turns out that he has his one fucking doctor a year at the same time. Because of fucking course he does. Back to doing it all with no help.

Getting off a cruise tomorrow with my AuDHD son. Trip went well enough but been experiencing dysregulation daily that could usually be helped by hanging out in the pool or watching his movies on his tablet in the room. But tomorrow we get off the boat around 9 am and our one stop flight isn't until 5 and we won't get home until 11pm. His medication will have worn off before our first flight. And there is no chance of him falling asleep on the plane, it's hard enough to get him to sleep at home. Absolutely dreading this.

We are on vacation to the Caribbean. It's hot, because it's summer in the Caribbean. I wanted to go to Canada but my family griped because I always take them to colder places (because I have a heat intolerance). So now we're in the Caribbean in the summer. And family won't stop complaining about it being so hot. I warned my gothy teen many many times that it was going to be hot and to pack accordingly. What does she bring? Mostly long black pants and black tops. If any of you have seen Saturday night live's "Goth kid on vacation" that's basically what I'm dealing with here. And she won't stop complaining about the heat.

My husband keeps complaining about little things and then loses his patience when I get annoyed with something. It's just draining as hell to listen to everyone's complaints when I spent a very very long time and lots of effort to plan this vacation just to listen to everyone's whining.

Today someone at breakfast was talking very loudly and dropping f-bombs and n-slurs like it was punctuation. Which sucked because my AuDHD kid was there and he always absorbs more than he's letting on. He loves to pick up on bad words and say them compulsively and no amount of consequences and telling him why it's wrong helps. If he learns the n-slur my life is ruined for the next two years. Which is super dramatic but seriously if he picks up that people don't like that word he will keep saying it and no amount of explaining how it's wrong will stop him for a long time until the novelty wears off forever from now. Like I know he will be exposed to the word eventually (like in middle school) but his brain needs to cook longer because that is like the one word no one will have tolerance for understandably.

Says the guy who was sat three rows ahead of us and had the whole row to himself on the first flight while I was stuck with a teen crashing out because she didn't sleep the night before and my scared of flying AuDHD son who I constantly had to correct because he was being annoying with everything he could touch and annoying other passengers. And niether of them would move into the empty row with dad. The headphones we brought for sons tablet didn't work and they didn't have any out on this flight. I bought some during the lay over which was really annoying and hard because the headphones were hung up by a self checkout and everyone using it was slow as fuck. Overpaid for headphones just for son to say he didn't want those AND apparently they need to be charged even though they have a cord.

Meanwhile husband is just as short with the kids as I am and he hasn't even had to deal with them yet. And then proceeds to lecture me about not getting so upset about things.

Yes I'm fucking cranky. Still several hours to go. Send help.

I'm a nervous traveler. I also have two wolves inside me: one that wants to pack for every possibility and the other wants to avoid checking bags at all costs. This is challenge level impossible.

I've been packing for two days. The first for my AuDHD kiddo and trying to figure out what I can bring to keep him regulated and packing meds for my medical teen.

Then today I packed for me. Except my husband was wfh today and wouldn't get out of my way. And then he lamented over how long I've been packing for. And every fucking time I remembered something I wanted to bring (untreated ADHD challenge level) he would appear out of nowhere to comment over me still packing but the main reason I'm taking so long is because I've been constantly interrupted between husband and my son. So yeah it takes a whole damn day for me when they are both home. And even more because I want to try a different suitcase and reorganize tomorrow but I don't know when I'll even get time because son has an appointment out of town tomorrow and I'm sure husband will put off packing until I'm home.

Meanwhile husband has no idea why I take so long to pack and why I'm extremely stressed over it. Must be nice to only have to pack for yourself.

Update: Husband still making annoying comments this morning as I was repacking into a better suitcase. Once again, he only has to think of himself when packing. I have to consider the needs of two ND kids an myself who are knocked out of our routines in an unfamiliar place.

We're going on a big trip later this week that I spent a lot of time planning and now I'm trying to make sure everything that's in my control goes smoothly but husband is getting on my case about the Amazon orders.

My anxiety has been bad for a few days now, affecting my sleep and my ability to be patient with the kids. Today it's exponentially worse. I'm trying to pack for a pool day today. Meanwhile my son, who has only tried to draw a handful of times in his life but always quit in a temper tantrum because learning to draw takes time and practice, has decided he has a draw a story like in that one episode of Bluey, and the tantrums keep coming. I don't have the patience to deal with the fits and the anxiety is so much worse now that he is randomly yelling and throwing fits.

He was finally able to draw something he was happy with. And then he wanted me to draw because in Bluey the whole family draws. Because he always has to recreate bluey exactly and it's always a whole thing he wants to do either right before bed or when I'm trying to get us ready to go somewhere. I do not have the focus or the state of mind to draw right now. So he threw a for over *that* but I stood my ground. Now my husband is taking time out of his work day to draw with him. Now I feel guilty for *checks notes* not drawing on demand apparently.

I've never experienced travel anxiety this bad before and I'm sure that it's rubbing off on my son. He has AuDHD and has had horrible behavior since school let out because his routine is out of whack. We've had a million things going on since school let out and life has been overwhelming. If I knew this was going to happen (I didn't) I would have scheduled this trip for later in the summer after we've had a chance to chill and be bored.

It's my husband's nephews birthday party today. It's a pool party at the grandma's house. I thought it would be fun and not too stressful. The second we get there son gets stung by a bee and he majorly freaks out. I've been watching him for an allergic reaction. I get bit (a warning bite, nothing that breaks the skin) by someone's dog. I forgot to bring lawn chairs so we have no one to sit. Which is fine because no one is watching the kids in the pool so I'm assuming the role but looking like a lone weirdo. Everyone else is related to each other or are close friends and are visiting and I'm the odd one out. Husband and has ditched me. I'm on my period and it's heavier than I expected and I forgot to bring extra pads. I'm watching my AuDHD son slowly getting ostracized by the other kids (he only knows his two cousins, everyone else is pretty new to him). Watching the dirty looks the other kids cast because he's the weird one. Son is still having fun but we're an hour in and I'm already been trying to think of a way to get son and husband on board to nope out early for quite a while and coming up empty on ideas. Not the way I wanted to spend the afternoon.

It'll be the second big family vacation we've taken (we did the first two years ago). I was pretty nervous for that but it actually went really well. My youngest (9) has AuDHD and in some ways things are easier and in others things are harder. My biggest concerns are the flights because he was terrified on the plane last time. Unfortunately we live a 12 hours drive from anywhere worth going and at least a flight and a layover from anywhere really cool. I'm always terrified of delays or whatever and being stuck in an airport for hours with a kid who craves certainty and gets quite upset over any lack of it.

I did *all* the planning and spent more than I thought I would (isn't that always the case?) so I already feel guilty over the cost. The thought of no one enjoying it or there being big upsets (there is already one thing I was counting on that isn't going to work out as I hope which will affect the whole trip) is really getting to me. I've already been losing sleep over it the last two nights. There's just so many things that can go wrong and I don't know what I was thinking planning this out.

Wish me luck I guess?

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I have a horrible migraine today. And it's so fucking bright out there.

But I've been struggling to get my son ready for camp all morning. Husband let out a big sigh when I asked him to close a shade because it's too high for me to reach.

I'm not as nice as I could be but I'm in sensory overload between my migraine, my son being load and it being so fucking bright outside. And husband is watching me do all this shit while I'm literally in tears from pain. I accept that my meds aren't going to kick in as fast as I'd like and I tell my husband that he needs to drive son to camp. I don't remember what he said but I know I wasn't happy with his reaction (only reaction I would be happy with would be "of course dear) and I get a big lecture about how I'm not being nice enough and my migraine isn't an excuse to be mean. Maybe. But he needs to be less of a pain in the ass about being asked to do stuff if he's going to insist on being asked instead of noticing that I need help and fucking offer it.

My list of grievances today:

-Someone has been ringing my doorbell multiple times a day the last few days. No, I don't have a doorbell camera nor do I plan on getting one. But they always ring *just* as I get a moment to relax and get comfy. Go the fuck away. I'm not gonna answer. Leave a note if it's that important. But I'm sure it's probably a fucking pest control company and they are the reason I don't open the door because they are pushy and rude as fuck

-Assholes on the internet who have to be snarky over a simple question. Like they could just scroll on and go about their day but they have to go be horrible to strangers

-My parents found out my sister asked my teen to come visit her via direct flight this summer and are now pressuring ME to go with her (sister didn't even ask me to come nor did she even consult me before asking my daughter directly). Even though you could never get my parents to go visit her. What I NEED is REST, not to further exacerbate my stress and blood pressure trouble by visiting the most stressful person in my life. Maybe THEY should go with her and visit their child instead.

-Last and certainly not least, my air conditioner seems to not be keeping up which is horrible because a heatwave is just getting started

I am cranky as fuck and have nowhere to go with it

My audhd son is in a week long day camp right now and I was really looking forward to having time to decompress after a nightmare week last week. But my teen wants to do all the things. I've been running all around so far this week and tomorrow she has a procedure downtown at the hospital which will be draining as hell to do. There's all these fun little things she wants to do with me which are things I want to do too and when you have teens you really appreciate it when they do actually want to hang with you. My AuDHD kid takes a lot of time and energy out of me so she wants to do all the things plus her boyfriend just moved thousands of miles away yesterday so understandably she's bored and lonely. But I'm running on empty and I'm seriously concerned I'm going to crash out if I can't get a good, reliable chunk of fuck around time soon.