r/ParentingADHD

I’m starting to have a lot of concerns about my 3 year old son:

- He doesn’t show an interest in ANYTHING. Doesn’t play with any toys, doesn’t show an interest in ball sports, riding a scooter, bike, or anything else we’ve tried.
What does he do all day, you ask? Runs around, yells, crashes into walls, stands on cabinets, rearranges furniture etc.

\- He requires SO much attention. He rarely does anything on his own for more than 5 minutes (related to not showing an interest in anything), but if he does, it’s often talking to one of us the whole time. Even at playgrounds, he will play but it’s often “mom, look at me, look what I’m doing” etc the whole time.

\- He has a very difficult time transitioning to new things. It’s been 2 months in his 3-5 daycare class and he still cries every day at drop off (despite the fact that he loves it once he’s there and has a great time). We recently started swimming lessons on his own and he refused to get in the water despite loving the pool and doing great in parent/ tot lessons where we’d go in with him.

\- He is extremely high energy. Never stops running, climbing, yelling etc. Also never stops talking.

\- He will sit for a show for MAX 10 minutes before losing interest, so we can’t even use that as a break.

We are BEYOND exhausted. He recently stopped napping so it’s just non stop trying to find ways to keep him occupied for the 13 hours he’s awake. We’ve tried to “let him be bored” and it results in non-stop whining or doing dangerous/ chaotic things to get our attention.

Some other things that may be relevant:
\- He’s very verbal and smiley. Social skills seem mostly on par with other kids his age, despite a few weird ‘isms (which I’m sure most toddlers have).
\- He does pretty well out of the house or in new places. New playgrounds, play places, outside in general. Just at home indoors is horrible.
\- Daycare has never shared any concerns. They tell us he plays nicely with his friends and he participates in art projects, circle time etc. fine.
\- He was pretty good at independent play and seemed to have some actual interests until about 2.5y.

Any tips? Advice? Validation? Does this all sound normal or do I seem a professional opinion?

My 6 year year old son was started on Ritalin IR 5 mg 7 days ago. Really haven’t noticed much of a change and no side effects either. Follow up isn’t until July 22. Should I wait it out until the next visit? Has anyone had positive results from this medication? For background son struggles with impulse control, emotional regulation, frustration tolerance. Has been in therapy x 2 years (play therapy in group setting and now 1:1). I wanted to hold off on medication until I started seeing the effects ADHD was having on his social emotional well being. Very bright, not effecting him academically at all *yet* but I’m afraid he has already developed a negative reputation after completing kindergarten.

Reported to children's aid

A little bit of background, my 5 year old son is very high energy and we've discussed possibly having him assessed for ADHD, and possibly ODD I personally suspect him off. But his often doesn't listen and we do raise our voices. We've never been physical and he's not scared of us. Usually when he misbehaves we take away electronic devices or send to his room.

A family friend who is a social worker has decided we are emotionally abusing him and reported us to CAS. I know yelling isn't a good option, and we are looking for better ways to handle things. I'm just really shocked at this. Anyone dealt with CAS? What can we expect?

I'm curious what rules and boundaries you have with your kids to help your relationship with them. My daughter is 10 and I know she thinks I think she's annoying sometimes. She will leave things all over the house, talk to me from other rooms and expect an immediate response even though I can barely hear her, leave the TV on, can't remember to throw her trash away, etc. I end up feeling kind of resentful and I sigh a lot and get grumpy. I have given her expectations and explained things to her and she simply can't remember to do the things I ask. She does have ADHD, it makes it feel like I have to do all the executive functioning for her. Any advice?

To start, I just told his psychiatrist this and she said try 2 more weeks.

My 8 year old son with ADHD + OCD and tics (related to his ocd) has been doing amazing on Zoloft (happier, calmer, back to what I would consider baseline for him -- a happy, easygoing kid), but at school was still super impulsive, calling out, talking SUPER LOUD and being disruptive. Not bad, but annoying the classmates because he can't control himself in social situations. Vyvanse worked great but he wouldn't eat a damn thing... nothing, nada... and he's petite for his age.

We've switched to Guanfacine, and it's been 6 weeks and NOTHING. Even a dose increase, nothing. He didn't even appear to have the sleepiness side effect that the psychiatrist was sure he would experience. The only thing I've noticed is his tics have increased a LOT, which I thought wasn't supposed to happen on guanfacine?

Not sure why I'm even posting, but it's bugging me. Has anyone had Guanfacine do nothing? Should I really just wait longer? I was thinking of asking the psych if we could try Vyvanse again but with an appetite stimulant... but I dunno. I don't want him to be on so many meds.

First off, I know it's irrational, but I was so hopeful when we started meds that we would have improvements. However, both of the ones we've tried have made things worse. I feel frustrated for my child. She is so sweet and doesn't understand why she feels so bad. For reference, she's barely 5.

Strattera - no changes in emotional reactions or impulsivity. She became MORE emotional and prone to meltdowns and her sleep was restless so she was exhausted. That didn't help her regulate.

Vyvanse - only tried it one time so far but yesterday was a complete disaster. She was tearful over the tiniest little thing and difficult to console (which is very unusual). She would cry for at least 15 minutes over the smallest thing). Once she would calm down, she would start crying again and say, "I don’t mean to be fussy," over and over. Mind you, we knew that and were not frustrated with her but she was so worried we were. Then, last night, she fell asleep okay, but woke up at 11 and was awake until 430 this morning. I did give it to her again today on the hopes that it was a day 1 issue and will get better.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us. One month before school and we are hoping to get a handle on things before then!

This is super long. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

7M. Adopted from foster care at birth, born at appx 36 weeks. Amphetamines, narcotics, and thc in umbilical cord; bio mom admitted to nicotine and alcohol as well. Bio mom was physically abused causing her to go into early labor. No withdrawal symptoms, some breathing issues at birth. No current medical (non psychological) diagnosis. Current diagnosis of ADHD (inattentive), ODD, and NAS. Adoptive mom (OP) context: BS in psychology,
masters in school counseling (most hours at the time were spent in LPC classes), masters in special education and 14 years working with kiddos with learning and behavioral disabilities.

Current situation (trying to keep this concise): Kiddo is currently on focalin (10mg extended), guanfacine (2mg extended AND 1 mg instant) every morning, focailin 5 mg instant around noon. Tried clonidine but it made him super angry. Wakes up early no matter the bed time (3 to 5 am most days) and is wired- jumping off the bed, trying to go outside, waking up his siblings, borderline inappropriate to adults, defiant… 30-45 minutes after meds, he’s great. Calm, kind, compliant, a little goofy but a typical 7 year old. We typically do meds around 6 because of his early wake up time. By 10-11 during the summer, he’s crashing out. Sometimes it’s a nap, other times it’s increasingly deregulated behavior. Flipping himself upside down on furniture, having an unsafe body with siblings and pets (never intentionally harmful, just wild), at school- screaming out, opposition, etc. During the school year, he frequently has meltdowns (screaming, asking for competing needs- I’m hungry, I want x, I want this other thing) until he crashes and falls asleep, often on the 10 minute drive home. Currently 1 week into his 2 week summer day camp, he hasn’t been taking his afternoon dose (they won’t give it to him and we decided to try without it) and he’s only been in trouble once for an unsafe body.

Teacher was contacting 3-4x weekly about behavior and I had an interventionist do observations. We have him on a behavior and academic plan for reading due to assumed dyslexia. Teachers cite unsafe body with peers and frequent blurting out to the point of disrupting both his and classmates learning, but it got much worse after the Vanderbilt was done in October. Again, seeing this at home and at school. We’re starting OT again after being dismissed for running across a parking lot in a nature based program 2 years ago.

It’s all continuing/getting worse, except we’re no longer napping within the last month. He’s a wonderful kid and we love him. We want to figure out what helps, but meds wear off so quickly. I’ve always had some idea of what to ask for at psych appts, but I’m at a loss. We keep upping meds and it feels terrible as a parent. I believe meds are a huge piece of this but I have no idea what could help now.

We’ve been seeing a psych for 3 years now. It started with elopement and screaming until he passed out, neither of which happen but he’s still unable to learn at school or participate typically in daily life- which I’m ok with if there aren’t other options, but I believe he’s capable of so much more than his nervous system lets him do right now. We didn’t get the ADHD diagnosis until 9 months ago because of his age and haven’t had a ton of new ideas from the best known doc in our area. Literally the only other thing I can think of is a second extended release in the afternoon but that doesn’t seem right.

Thanks for getting this far and for any non judgemental suggestions. We’re doing the best we can as caring, educated parents who are implementing behavioral strategies, etc. His nervous system is just wild.

My 9y son is on SA Ritalin 10mg x 2 a day. I dont like who he is on it. It helps him to focus at school and be apart of the class, however his anxiety peaks and he gets super over stimulated and freaks out. Id prefer him not on it on the weekends because he becomes really mean. However not medicating him also comes with its challenges.

I dont know what to do next. Ive tried Vyvanse and while he was settled at school, it made him really angry at home.

He is on Intuniv at night and we can tell the next day if he we forgot to give him his tablet!

I am wondering if there is any other medication I can ask the Peditirican about that might be able to help.

He is severe adhd & being tested for ASD next month. (I wouldn't be suprised if he is on the spectrum)

It’s been like this since he was a baby. I Honestly feel like i am living in hell. I have tried everything I can think of, different ways to talk to him and nothing works, we still don’t make sufficient progress. Hes 6 now, he has had trouble with the toilet for years now, we have resorted to continuous diaper use or reusable underwear thats washable( we have ran through millions it feels) Im done. I absolutely feel like there is nothing I can do, I don’t know WHAT to do. I have a daughter who is 1 year younger than him, we did not encounter this problem at all, she is fully potty trained and my parenting gets through to her. Him however, It feels like hes destining me to misery. I know about parents who have rough relationships with their kids even as adults, so don’t you start looking down on me for thinking that way. It’s reality… I want it to get better though, I just don’t know how to proceed and overcome this obstacle with him. It feels like every day is a battle to get through the day

I have 2 boys, 9(severe adhd medicated) & a 5 year old.

I feel like i am at the end of my rope with them both. They do nothing but fight whenever they are in each other's company. This can be at home, in public, in the car, at grandma's. Everywhere. Constantly bickering, my oldest telling the youngest he's a baby and he cant play which results in my 5 year old bursting into tears and either screaming the house down and running to find me to tell. They are both as bad as each other.

I am in no means a pushover when it comes to parenting, and set clear boundaries and expectations. I am constantly serving time outs for fighting, but I am exhausted 😩 they both seem constantly angry & whatever we do as parents is never enough.

Any tips?

We started our 7 yo daughter on Guanfacine 1 mg to treat her ADHD and tics. She got very constipated within a few days. So we discontinued the medicine after 2 weeks. Have other people observed similar issues?

Me and my wife have a 6 year old son who we highly suspect is ADHD but has not been formally diagnosed. (NHS Scotland waiting times)

We have been trying to get him into a couple of classes and while there has been some stuff he just doesn’t like (totally fine) there’s been other stuff he does show an interest in but can’t settle long enough to take part. My wife signed him up for karate lessons to try teach him some discipline and to try and slow him down a bit as he is zooming all the time. He loved it but unfortunately after 2 lessons he was asked not to come back as he was too disruptive. Not in a bad way just from being excited and wanting to burn out his never ending energy.

Does anyone have any suggestions for some kind of sports or physical activity for him? He currently does swimming which he does enjoy but he sees it as a necessity rather than something for him and goes to a Lego club which he is amazing at and causes no bother at all but we are looking for something to help him channel his energy into.

Thanks

My 10yo daughter has been on 27mg methylphenidate plus guanfacine IR 0.5 mg at bedtime. She started stimulants at 7 after several years of intense emotion dysregulation that started to get dangerous in our home - we have two other kids. Aggression, paranoia, antagonism, provocation, etc. She’s done well for years now and things have been great. Occasionally increase in dosage to maximize benefit etc but we’ve never gone back to pre-meds level of functioning… until now. The last few weeks have been so painful. It’s the same as before but she’s a lot bigger and smarter now. We are working with our psych who we love and we just tried changing to guanfacine ER 1mg. It’s seemingly had zero effect on the dysregulation. Yesterday was a very scary day where I saw her reach and maintain for hours nearly psychotic levels of paranoia and anger. The doc is talking about increasing the dose since she’s grown a lot in the last year. Just wondering if anyone has experienced this seemingly sudden change in meds efficacy and if so what your experience was/what helped?

Hello I have a 11(f) daughter with a diagnosis of ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. She also has precocious puberty.

I bring snacks into the house and in one day she eats them all.

She isn’t over weight. She has an athletic build. I don’t restrict food. I teach moderation. There are other foods for her to eat. For example there was 1 ice cream bar. I said leave that one there, I will buy more. She eats it and when I ask her why she lies and said I thought you said I could eat it. We both know what I said and she does with other things other than food. I say one thing and she does the opposite.

It’s frustrating. What kind of therapy would help this? She knows the difference between right and wrong and only does what she wants to do no matter what I say.

Taking away electronics or TV doesn’t work.

Does anyone deal with this? What have you done with your older children to get them support?

I’m afraid when she becomes an adult she won’t know how to refrain from stealing or worse.

I have a 7 year old son. He's addicted to videogames. We only pet him play an hour on weekends and more if we wlarr on vacation but I can just see they is all he things about. I am thinking of going cold turkey (we only watch tv on weekends) with videogames.

At the same time I see ppl who say lean into their interest. Do I wish I had a kid who's interested creative writing, sure? Or drawing? I do have friends whose kids love video games and they support those interest just as a kid who has an interest in soccer but I don't know..I don't think I can get around that.

I am thinking of going cold turkey. I also don't want my son to think it's a punishment. Not sure how I got about it.

we have two neuro spicy children - both medicated. our youngest (5) has been the bigger challenge lately. He is on concerts but still had extreme emotional outbursts. we made the hard call to start ssris because his behavior was impeding his ability to socialize with peers and also was seriously impact the family because of hitting and yelling.

well ... he has been great. we have notlost his personality - he is still a force and sweet (and sometimes a pain just like a five year old should he) but he seems happier. hopefully this continues.

hang in there everyone

How do I go about this situation.

My son 8, often forgets how to do tasks that are basic to me. We’ve lived in the same house his entire life, he’s known for 4 years how to turn on and off the shower.
It’s one that you have to turn the water faucet and the bathtub faucet pulls down to activate the shower. 1970s house style. I’ve shown him this many times, he does it by himself 98% of the time. Then the 2%, out of the blue, he completely forgets.

It’s frustrating because he will cry and then I’ll come in and tell him, “turn the hot nob all the way on” he will then turn the nob off. “No, turn it on. All the way. Twist the nob all the way on.”
He then acts like doesn’t know how to do just that.
Which of course frustrates me more. And I know his brain seems to completely shut off when I get mad, but I don’t know how not too get frustrated.
It’s such a simple task that he’s literally done time and time again.

Any advice. I love my little guy but sometimes he forgets things he’s done a million times and I don’t understand.

I’m trying to figure out what’s reasonable for summer bedtime/screen expectations with my almost 15-year-old.

I know this is going to vary a lot by family, and I’m not really looking for “just take all screens away” advice. I understand why some families have strict screen rules, but that’s not where we are right now. I’m more trying to balance letting him have a normal teen summer with the reality that he does not reliably stop on his own.

Last night he was on the phone with friends until almost 3am. He didn’t have much he had to do today other than a lesson/practice with his private instructor, so I was able to let it go more than I would on a busier day. But he was pretty gassed throughout that, which was frustrating because it’s something he cares about and benefits from. It’s summer, so I don’t expect him to be in bed early every night, but I also don’t want the late nights to spill over into the things he actually needs and wants to do.

Tonight, he was playing video games with a friend and around 9pm I told him he needed to come upstairs by 11:30. I’ve explained many times that a hard stop means planning ahead. If the stop time is 11:30, don’t start something new at 11:20. I also text reminders so it’s not like the time comes out of nowhere.

But almost every time, he’s “in the middle of something” or “just needs to do one more thing.” Then I’m the bad guy for enforcing the limit we already agreed on.

He says his friends stay up until 2am every night during the summer and that we’re not letting him just be a teenager. I believe him. I know a lot of kids have much looser summer nights and no responsibilities during the day. He also gets embarrassed because, from what he says, their parents don’t really monitor them or enforce screen/bedtime boundaries the same way we do. So when we step in, he feels like he’s being treated like a little kid, even though from my perspective, the issue is that he hasn’t shown he can consistently stop on his own yet.

The part I’m struggling with is that this isn’t just a teenager wanting to stay up late issue. It’s the ADHD time blindness and difficulty stopping that make it so hard. He loses track of time completely, and transitions away from screens are a battle even when the expectation was made clear hours earlier.

I think the bigger issue is the executive functioning piece. He’ll agree to a stop time because he wants to be allowed to play video games or talk to friends, but when that time actually comes, he can’t seem to make himself stop. So it turns into this same pattern every time: he agrees, I remind him, he says he knows, and then he blows past it anyway because he’s “almost done” or “in the middle of something.” I’m trying to help him learn that managing your time means planning around the hard stop, not waiting until the hard stop and then trying to negotiate more time.

The reason I stay up is because if I go to bed, there’s a very good chance he’ll still be on his phone or Playstation hours later. We’ve tried the “I trust you to get off at the agreed-upon time” approach many times, and it almost never works. Sometimes he does make a better choice, but not consistently enough for me to count on it. I’m kind of a night owl, but not as late as he wants to stay up.

He also still has responsibilities this summer. He plays a team sport, has practices and games, and he’s a CIT at a day camp for several weeks. Starting Monday he has an important week-long clinic for the sport he plays at the high school he’ll be attending in August, run by the head coach and assistant coaches, so being exhausted all week isn’t really an option.

Another tricky part is that he doesn’t always feel the effects the very next day. He can run on adrenaline and seem mostly fine, so then it feels to him like we were overreacting. But then the crash seems to hit a day later, almost like a hangover effect. By that point, it’s harder for him to connect it back to staying up too late.

Ultimately, my goal isn’t to control his bedtime forever. I know I’m not always going to have influence over what time he goes to bed, and I don’t want this to just be about me forcing him off screens. I’m trying to help him learn how to moderate himself and build better habits now, so that when he is totally in charge of himself, he has some ability to manage his time and not just run himself into the ground.

When he doesn’t get off by the hard stop, I end up having to turn it off for him. I hate that. I don’t want to be monitoring him like he’s a little kid, but I also don’t think “it’s summer” means he can ignore the time we agreed on and stay up as late as he wants every night.

For those of you with ADHD teens, how do you handle this? Do you have different rules for nights with responsibilities the next day vs. totally open days? And how do you enforce it without every night turning into a fight?

Genuine question. Do we just tolerate problematic behavior until the child someday just stops? Are we not allowed to be frustrated or upset by our children’s behavior? Do we honestly believe there is no such thing as bad behavior? I’m asking because every time I post about behavior in this sub I get ripped to shreds because apparently requiring pro social behavior on the part of my child is crazy talk. I don’t think I’m required as a parent to tolerate being screamed at, hit, cussed out, and insulted every time I set a boundary or say no. Certainly no one else in my child’s life could be asked to tolerate such behavior. And then I get reamed out for not having ENOUGH boundaries. None of this makes any sense.

So I just started my 5 yr old son who will be 6 in October on Vyvanse. He has severe adhd and I knew it since he was old enough to walk and talk. Honestly, looking back, I probably could have been able to tell from the day he was born. He was always so active since day 1. I didn’t used to really be a huge believer in adhd or medicine because I think it’s over diagnosed and I thought that medicine was the easy way out. I saw too many teens getting diagnosed with it and I thought it was just the parents/doctors way of making an excuse for them not being able to focus because of other childhood issues or issues at home. Well my son made me a huge believer in ADHD. Constantly talking nonstop, running, crashing, jumping into everything and everybody. Never ever ever getting tired. Can’t sit still long enough to eat-even if it’s a piece of cake. I had to fight with him every single time it was time to eat. I had to fight with him to get dressed, brush his teeth, etc. every single day. I tried PCIT therapy-that worked some on the behavioral side. I tried occupational therapy. That didn’t help at all. I tried some supplements that may have possibly helped somewhat but no where near enough. I also have a two year old and a 7 month old now and I hated to have to fuss at my son constantly about things that I know he honestly can’t control like the impulsive behavior. I was afraid that if it keeps up he will eventually develop ODD and I’ve tried everything. Last week he told me that he has a “stiff feeling” inside. Like it’s still and nothing is moving inside of him and that’s what makes him get in trouble. I feel like that was his way of describing what’s going on in his brain. That was enough to make me take him to the doctor. They prescribed him vyvanse 10 mg a day. I started him on it yesterday along with his regular supplements. At first- maybe the first hour he was really angry. I think this was his body adjusting to a feeling that he has never felt before. A few hours later I saw the biggest change that I have EVER seen in him no matter what I tried. He sat down and played with Legos for at least 30 minutes. Before then he had NEVER sat still long enough to play with anything. I never even knew if he had a favorite toy or hobby because it was just constant movement with him. After Legos he sat down and ate- EVERYTHING. I didn’t have to tell him to sit down more than once. I didn’t have to constantly beg him to eat his food and the crazy thing is that they say one of the side effects of the medicine is that they don’t like to eat. For the first time, I didn’t even have to fight about dinner time. He cleaned up all his toys no problem. He even told me that looking at spinning things make him dizzy now. lol. Before, I don’t think he could even get dizzy. He also told me that his “stiff feeling” was gone. He was so excited about it. Then that night when he was laying down in the bed, he told me that he didn’t feel good. He said he felt like he’s not him. That broke my heart, especially after the good day I thought we had. I thought about it and told myself maybe it’s just because he’s never felt like this before. This is a big change for a 5 year old who has a hard time expressing how he feels. He went to sleep shortly after and I decided to give it another go today. Today we had a 3-4 pm meltdown but other than that everything has been great once again. I keep asking him how he’s feeling and if he likes the medicine and he’s telling me that he does. I’m praying that he will continue to improve while still being himself at the same time. I haven’t seen any of the “zombie like behavior” although it is a big change. I feel like he’s going to finally be able to enjoy being a kid without having his friends call him crazy anymore and without me having to fuss at him for simple things that he really just couldn’t control.

I will update this post once he’s been on it a little longer. I just wanted to give people our experience, especially those who are afraid to give medicine a try like I was. Everybody is different and everyone’s situation is different but please please don’t rule out medicine if you’ve tried every other option.