Stopping the circle cycle
I have a 13 year old; I don’t know how to get out of these loops of arguing without melting down (myself). We’re in these back and forth situations and I just don’t have the tools to diffuse. And therapy hasn’t helped so far. All the language that our numerous therapists have given me to use just doesn’t help… yet. I feel like I’ve been given parts of a bridge that I don’t know how to build yet.
If things get heated and I walk away, she taunts and tells me how I’m suppose to be the adult and deal. When I calmly say “you don’t have to like or understand my decisions, but you need to respect it”, she attacks my parenting and tells me I’m teaching her to fail. She refuses to do anything around the house, no chores, no cleaning up after herself and blames it all on me because I’m not teaching her anything. She knows exactly what to say to hurt. And she doesn’t care.
So yeah I know, don’t take it personally (I’m trying so hard) but nothing is helping. I can’t steer these discussions to results. We are spinning our wheels in the mud.