u/hereiam3472

I kind of feel like I regret having kids. They are 6 and 4. Not because I don't love them. I do. And they do give my life purpose. And I'm sure that I would regret it if I didn't have them. But, the one thing I couldn't predict ahead of time was my child's temperament. And as it turns out, I got the short end of the stick.

My 6 year old child is unimaginably difficult. To the point where my hubby and I have joked that if she were kidnapped, she would be returned by the kidnapper within 24 hours. She's that awful. It's not her fault. It's genetics mostly, combined with some other stuff I may or may not have been able to prevent. She's a cancer sign. Highly sensitive person. EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL. Like, off the charts. Bipolar-like. Angry all the time. Moody. Freaking out, whining and meltdowns are the norm every single day.

My mental health has completely and totally and entirely deteriorated beyond repair in these last 6 years. I'm a literal shell of a human. I used to be fun. I used to be normal, happy, ambitious, fit, healthy. Thriving. Then I had her and my life flipped upside down. If she were an average child I would be totally fine..I loved motherhood and didn't mind the chaos and sleepless nights I was thrown into.

But it's her impossible temperament that's ruined the dream for me. I really sob, grieving the experience I wanted but never got. I am seething with jealousy anytime I see someone talk about how easy going their child is. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. No idea how lucky you are. Every single part of my day with her is a struggle from morning to night. Nothing goes smoothly. If it's not her freaking out about something, it's her fighting with her little brother and making him scream. It's all just struggle after struggle, every single day. I've tried everything under the sun, except meds, to help her and that's going to be my next move...

I feel like I'm not cut out for motherhood at all. I cannot keep my cool. I spaz out on a regular. My nervous system is shot. I'm constantly in fight or flight. Constantly repairing after losing it again. I don't even recognize myself. I'm beyond burnt out. Beyond.. no amount of breaks can fix this. It's just my life. The only thing I can do is carry on. The only way is through. I have a regular therapist. It doesn't really help other than someone to vent to every 3 weeks.

*Spoiler* There's a scene in the end of the movie "if I had legs I'd kick you" where the main character just keeps charging into the ocean into the crashing waves while screaming. But the ocean keeps spitting her back out onto the shore. I feel like that's a literal analogy for my everyday life. I feel like I'm just screaming into a void.

I'm dreading the teenage years so much because of how these years are. If you throw hormones and puberty into the mix it's bound to be bad... I'm probably going to experience every single possible thing that can go badly with teens. I feel like this is some kind of karma for something I did in a past life. Idk

. Like I said, I truly do love my daughter and she has her moments that redeem her. But it's just so much bad with so little good. Hence the regret... :(

I just hope that one day it's all worth it.

*please be gentle and supportive* sorry this is long.

My daughter is 6, soon to be 7.

She's been highly sensitive, emotional and reactive since I can remember. I remember around age 3 googling things like "is this normal?" regarding her tantrums and meltdowns. They would last for hours and be incredibly severe and intense, multiple times a day. She was my first so I had absolutely nothing to compare to. I just thought it was "terrible twos" and stuff like that. But she never grew out of it. And then I had my son, and he was day and night different. He was a happy baby who barely cried and if he did, he quickly got over it. I realized then that something wasn't right and my daughter was not the norm.

She over reacts to every single little thing, every little frustration, inconvenience, challenge, it's a level 10 problem in her mind and she reacts as so. In her mind, there is no difference between a minor crumple in her sock and an earthquake. Her amygdala is hijacked.

Our entire household constantly feels like we're walking on eggshells. We've all been in fight or flight mode for years because living right a person this emotionally volatile is the single most draining thing I've ever experienced in my life. We never know when the next explosion is coming.

I tried homeschooling her and she could not focus. It was very challenging to get her to pay attention and learn. I had to take very very frequent breaks and repeat things over and over. I noticed that she hadn't learned her alphabet and everyone else around her had. I just kept hearing from well-meaning friends that every child learns at their own pace and she just isn't ready yet. They kept telling me not to worry about it, that when she was ready it would all just click.

Fast forward, because of her constant volatile moods disrupting the household, hubby and I decided to put her in school in grade 1. We needed to put some distance and see if being in a school environment would be helpful. She did ok in terms of not being emotional at school (masking I guess it's called?) but she's been incredibly behind in math and reading. She's needed every single support and extra work to catch up to her peers. She just can't seem to focus and absorb info. She shows signs of dyslexia, too, like reversing numbers and letters.

So why isn't she medicated? Hear me out. Its a combination of beliefs based on how I was raised and what I've studied, and my own negative experience with medication (in my case, SSRIs). I was raised to believe to try everything natural first and have medication be a last resort. I've been told, and studied myself, that many ADHD symptoms can be caused by other factors that can be corrected. I had horrible side effects on SSRIs and I know many people report negative side effects with ADHD meds, often times saying it made their kids mood even WORSE... more anxiety, more depression, more emotional volatility. You can't blame me for being extremely scared.

So what have we tried? Play therapy, primitive reflex training work, nervous system work, changing diet (no gluten, food dye, fresh whole foods etc.), natural supplements, been to an allergist, tested iron, been to an ENT and airway dentist, we've had her 'Assessed' for ADHD - not an official test but he had me fill out a questionnaire and then do it again a year later and said basically based on your answers, she has it.. We have literally turned over every stone possible.

And she's getting WORSE. Shes more emotionally unstable than ever. She's constantly melting down and crying and whining and fighting with her brother about literally nothing and everything.

I'm at my wits end. We can't live like this anymore. I'm just completely frazzled 24/7 and summer is coming and I'm extremely worried about how that's going to go, having her home all day again. I worry for my younger son who takes the brunt of it.

I'm ready and willing to explore medication as an option now but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified... Terrified of side effects, of it getting worse, of having to do the trial and error period. I'm really, really anxious.

That's why I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations of specific medications that are good for mood stabilizing specifically. And how low of a dose to start with. Just any words of comfort, advice and encouragement.

Thank you so much for your kindness and not judging. I love my child more than anything and just want to help her thrive.

TL;DR: after trying many things I'm ready to explore medication for my emotionally volatile adhd 6 year old but I'm nervous and need help on where to start.

I'm a female INFP and Capricorn born on Jan 3 and for what it's worth, my hubby is an INTJ Cancer born on July 3 so we're literally polar opposites astrologically (even though I'm aware most injt types think astrology is just silly nonsense. Just thought i'd mention it anyway.)

Anyway, we've been together for 14 years and have 2 children together (ironically again, a Cancer and Capricorn child... Makes for a very fun family dynamic). I honestly don't know how we've lasted together this long. Maybe it's a case of opposites attract and somehow we balance each other out? But in reality, we are bickering constantly. We can't see eye to eye on most things. I see the world through emotion-colored lenses and he sees the world through logic-colored lenses. I'm warm, he's cold. Whenever we talk about any topic, he's just so blunt and direct and cold. I am fully aware this is the modus operandi of all INTJs... But it's just so hard for someone who is very emotional and all about feelings to deal with such bluntness 24/7. On the flip side, my emotional and empathetic ways annoy him and he sees it as weakness.

I feel like this partnership is doomed to fail, because we are just too different to be compatible. Somehow, we've managed to stay together this long and I don't know how. I feel like I'd be better suited with someone with a touch more warmth, I guess.

I can't really just leave him though, that's the thing. It's complicated. Life is messy.

Is anyone else in this kind of a partnership and how is it working for you?

I get these awful tension type headaches where my neck gets all tight with knots and feels stiff and lumpy with the knots. My shoulders and back feel tight and tense too and the headache just comes back everyday for days and days. I rely on Advil to help it and self massage (I get a real massage when I can afford it). Sometimes the headaches last over a week so it's a week of taking Advil every single day which I know isn't good for my gut. I am wondering if getting Botox in my trapezius area would help relax the muscles that keep getting knotted up as a longer lasting solution... Or if anyone has any better ideas as I can't live like this indefinitely it's really causing me a lot of suffering.

I'm in a health rut right now, like been eating like crap and unmotivated to work out, I've been basically "letting myself go" the last couple of months and I need something to really inspire me to get back on track and get motivated to get healthy habits back.

Thanks in advance

I'm having pure luteal phase symptoms during my follicular phase... Feeling depressed, anxious, down, listless, I have insomnia, I feel bloated, no motivation, feel like my life is going nowhere I'm just existing to take care of my 2 ungrateful kids who cause me so much stress daily. I haven't worked out in a month because I literally don't have time anymore. Every single minute of my day seems to be spoken for and I don't even know what I'm doing... The day just goes by and somehow I had no room to fit in a workout. I've gained weight over the past year and everything fits tighter and I hate the muffin top and back fat I have accumulated. I have no energy or motivation anymore. I have no libido. I just feel like a shell of a human. I'm 39. I went to a hormone specialist who recommended trying to raise my iron levels first and try vitex before trying HRT. But raising iron levels can be slow going. Anyway I just needed to vent. It's been a hard day.

I'm posting twice here in one day and it's not even 1030 am. I'm on a walk in the forest solo right now to calm the f down after losing it. It's also mother's Day. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and bang on something to let out this anguish and grief of getting the short end of the stick when it came to children.. having an extremely difficult child from the get go and now she's almost 7 and it feels like nothing has changed and everyday is ground hog day just difficulty after difficulty, dealing with so much BS that parents of average kids don't have to deal with because their children are normal and pleasant most of the time. Of course children get upset and have emotions. But mine never ever stops being upset and having huge emotions. Every little thing is the end of the world. Every little thing warrants screaming and whining about. No ability to problem solve or just deal with anything. My nervous system is destroyed. Shot. Years and years of being subjected to constant stress has done me in. I'm a shell of who I used to be. Relentless suffering. And yet everyday I get up and try my best to be a good mom despite it. I've gone above and beyond trying to make their childhood magical. Made so many amazing core memories. Because I know how fleeting it is and all I want is for them to look back and remember how much fun they had and all the magical experiences. But instead every single thing I do is met with snark and complaints and meltdowns and attitude and more demands because nothing is ever good enough and I'm "mean" because I hold a boundary or enforce a simple rule.

There is no point to this except just needing to scream into the void.

ETA: I recently watched the Oscar movie "if I had legs I'd kick you" and ppl commented that the child in it seemed so whiny and annoying.. Truthfully when I watched it I thought "this kids got NOTHING on my kid. " She seemed tame to me in comparison to how whiny mine is....

Some background info:

My first born (daughter, currently 6) was an extreme challenge for us. Highly sensitive, highly emotional, likely ADHD. Intense meltdowns about everything and anything, all the time, which she still hasn't grown out of but it has gotten better. She's of course lovely in many other ways.

Then my second came along and he was pure sunshine. Easy going, happy go lucky. It was a day and night experience compared to my first born. I know I don't need to say this, but of course I love both my children equally, despite their dispositions.. I'm just comparing their temperaments, and I know it's very common for kids to be completely different from each other. Of course we've had different challenges with our second but in terms of emotional outbursts, he was just so even-keel.

Anyway, now my second born is 4 and a half and this has been the most challenging year with him by far. He's no longer the easy going child he was. Especially the last few weeks in particular. It's almost like his brain has gone through a huge transition recently and he's gone into a big regression. Here are some of the behaviors we've been dealing with:

-wants to be carried everywhere

-wants to be fed

-says his legs don't work and he doesn't know how to eat

-needs to be carried from upstairs to downstairs. Yesterday he went up to look for a toy and screamed "help" at the top of his lungs over and over at the top of the stairs to be carried down... We tried to just ignore him and told him he could walk down the stairs just fine by himself but he wouldn't stop screaming until my husband finally gave in and carried him down (which i know reinforces this bad behavior but after 10 minutes straight of your child screaming 'help' in a terrified voice, it's hard to continue ignoring that.. It was also dysregulating my daughter).

-when he's upset or angry about something, he starts trying to hit me and calls me names or says vile things like "I hope you die. I hate you. I hope you get hit by a car." A lot of times I'm not even sure what he's upset about and he won't tell me.

This morning was one of the worst. I woke up early and went downstairs and my daughter joined me. My son woke up later on and went halfway down the stairs. I heard him so went to get him. But he was so angry that I "left him" in bed that he proceeded to try to hit me and scream at me that he hates me, tears rolling down his face (it's mother's Day too by the way). I held him on the couch and tried to soothe him but he was just so angry, lashing out at everyone, including his sister who was just trying to cheer him up.

He kept screaming and crying. He had to pee and made me carry him to the bathroom and put him on the toilet and then carry back to the couch. Screaming his legs don't work. He just wouldn't stop being angry.

It's like my sweet, easy going boy has been replaced by this angry, rude, emotional boy out of nowhere.

I'm trying to approach it like he just needs more love, and being gentle and understanding, validating his emotions, not judging him for his emotions or shutting them down but at the same time making it clear he can't hit me or call me vile names, telling him that hurts feelings. But I just needed to vent because this has been going on for weeks and getting worse by the day.

Anytime we try to just refuse helping him eat or refuse to carry him somewhere because he's perfectly capable, it just escalates and escalates with him getting angrier and more upset and screaming and causing a huge scene, refusing to eat his meals or refusing to move on the ground, making us late or whatever it is. As you can imagine, it ends up being way easier to just carry him or feed him, even though we know we're enabling the behavior. But we feel stuck and don't know what to do. We need to make sure he eats and gets to where he needs to go.. Like daycare in the morning, so we feel stuck.

Needless to say it's a very frustrating situation. I know it won't last forever and it's probably just a regression and a phase of some sort. But I really miss my sweet child.

Has anyone else found this phase (age 4) particularly hard?

My kids are 6 and 4. I'm an angry mom. I yell a lot. I don't want to be an angry, yelling mom. I try really hard to be a gentle, calm , patient mom. But it feels literally impossible. I truly and honestly do love my children, deep down. They are adorable, loveable little people.

But they seem to know exactly what buttons to push and boy do they push them. And I get so triggered to the point of blind, white rage. It's like an out of body experience, seriously. I can observe myself raging , know I'm raging and need to stop but I can't stop. It just takes off. It's like unleashing a monster. I never physically harm my children in these moments but I am loud, scary, intimidating, out of control, screaming/yelling. It scares even me.

I don't know WTF is the matter with me/with my nervous system. I think I'm just fundamentally flawed. I have read so much research on this and countless podcasts and posts on Instagram and Facebook and other forums (reddit too) that explains the rage but knowledge isn't power in this case .. Cuz nothing changes no matter how much I know about it. I am in therapy. I've discussed it at length with the therapist and she usually just validates it and says that anyone would be angry in the situation and I need more support and blah blah blah. It's burnout, blah blah blah. But the thing is..I actually do have support AND get regular breaks. Can't really use that excuse.

I spent the entire day yesterday at a spa while my hubby watched the kids. From like 830 to 930 pm I was doing nothing but relaxing, going in saunas, hot tubs, meditation rooms etc. left feeling so blissed out and relaxed. But today? I lost it on my kids countless times. Just way too many times to count. They just pushed so many buttons all day and just got me so angry and upset from the get go. The entire day. Hubby had to help his dad with something so I was home alone all day. I am at the end of said day now and I feel entirely horrible about it. I apologized to them (yet AGAIN.) I repaired but I feel like I'm just constantly apologizing and repairing. I am in this constant, never-ending cycle (yell/rage/shame/guilt/apologize/repair) and I don't know what is wrong with me. Everyday I pray I'll be better this time, calmer and more patient and I remind myself....This isn't an emergency, they are just little kids, my body is safe, etc. But I still lose it. Over and over. I don't know what to do anymore.

The only thing I haven't tried is taking meds but I don't know even know what would help with this and I'm honestly terrified of meds because I've tried some years ago and had really bad side effects/reactions, hated how they made me feel and now anytime I feel even the slightest bit off or side effects or not like myself, I go into a full blown anxiety/panic attack. So I'm pretty terrified of taking any kind of medication.

I feel so stuck, so lost. I hate this shadow side of me. It's truly ruining my life and my relationship with my children. I need to be better.

I just recently watched If I Had Legs I'd Kick You and I could kind of relate to the main character in some ways. She doesn't have rage issues against her child but she is clearly suffering from burnout and mental breakdown and I just feel like I understand how mom's go crazy sometimes.

Just wish I had a support group like Mom rage anonymous or something. Seriously, I'm not even lying..is that a thing??

I feel like every day my kids (ages 6 and 4) start complaining that they are absolutely "starving" by 430. And heaven forbid I wait another hour until dinner time to feed them, then that entire hour they are just whining and complaining. If I give them any sort of snack then, they don't eat dinner. So it's this really awful time between lunch and dinner where they just get super whiny and annoying and I can't win no matter what .. unless I start serving them dinner at 430 but then they will get hungry again before bed and my hubby won't be able to eat with us bc he gets off work at 530. I know it seems like a dumb problem but just wondering if anyone else feels this way. And yes I do give them snacks, around 330 ish usually. So idk why by 430 they are ravenous.