r/AskParents

I saw the video on TikTok, where a stepmom was demanding literally demanding that her stepchildren call her mom. And I was thinking, I would never tell anybody to call me a certain name.

She asked the other kid who is two years old the same Mom, and he did and she’s like… See, your brother called me, Mom. She’s like yeah, he’s too, he doesn’t know any better. So again she’s like, you’re not gonna call me, Mom? And he’s like yeah, stepmom.

She goes well. Why can’t you call me mom? The kid literally went… You stepped in after Mom so you’re stepmom.

I've spoke to many people who have very strong opinions on this question.

So I know it’s a weird question, my children are 1 & 4. My 4 year old daughter is an absolute force, she’s so extroverted, extremely clever, & also incredibly sensitive. She’s at a stage now where she wants to know absolutely everything about anything, and if I can’t answer in a way that is comprehensible to her 4 year old brain, she does get very upset.

My 1 year old is completely different (so far…) he’s very reserved, contented & quite happy just playing independently & with his sister. He of course loves to cuddle and play with me too, but he’s probably not very likely to come & find me unless he wants something or is feeling like he needs a bit of comfort because he’s tired etc.

Anyway, I recently went back to work after having my baby & mentioned that I love playing with them. When I’m home, I LOVE playing games with them both, colouring, painting, days out, swimming, I’ll join in at the park etc. Obviously 1yo can’t independently do these things anyway so there has to be some level of involvement I guess, but even before I had him, I would be constantly engaging with my daughter.

Some of the mums gasped and said that they would never constantly be interacting like that, and that they need to be more independent. One said it was selfish to have children for yourself. I just felt a bit attacked but I came home & thought about it, do I need to leave them alone? I really didn’t see the harm. My daughter is incredibly independent, I’m extremely proud of her, you couldn’t meet a kinder & more polite child. She thinks for herself, I’ve never noticed a problem. One thing as well, if the children wake up in the night unsettled, of course they can come to my bed for a cuddle. But apparently this is bad too? I had my daughter at 20 & they started using this to explain I suppose my bad way of parenting.

Am I damaging my children by being too involved & not having enough boundaries? I always just thought, they’re so little for such a short amount of time, I’m going to cuddle them & play for every second possible. I’m quickly learning this is not the general consensus & maybe I’m doing more harm than good?

Not a parent but adult sibling who takes care of them.

My siblings (10 and 11) don’t have designated chores and they don’t do chores everyday. Sometimes my mom and I are busy so we ask them to take out the trash or wash the dishes.

One of them gets visibly upset (stomps her feet, slams doors etc) and still does the chores but mutters under her breath. When we ask her to wash the dishes, she half asses it and still leaves food stains on them.

She routinely leaves her drawings, food wrappers, general trash on the sofa and never cleans after herself. She hides food wrappers behind the couch/all over the house and this has attracted roaches and we now have a roach problem.

Our mom doesn’t discipline her in any way and it’s really stressing me out because roaches are all over the house.

I’m a young mum (23) to a 2.5 year old. Since I’ve had him and even before I was a mum, I noticed that there was a general negativity around having kids. For example, “you’ll ruin your life by having kids young…”, “you’ve not had time to be young etc…”. Whilst I do understand what they’re saying, I also don’t think that’s necessarily true. I don’t think it’s ruined my life, if anything it’s better. I know there are new stresses in my life, especially financially, but I really don’t understand why people make comments regarding people ruining their lives by choosing to have kids. Are lots of parents genuinely unhappy with their lives as parents?

My second point is how unfriendly society feels towards babies and kids. It feels like people respect dogs more than kids? I do love dogs, but it seems they’re more accepting of dogs than little humans. I’ve also found people to be very unempathetic towards children in public, also as if they forget they were once children too. Why do people hate kids these days? I’m curious to how others have experienced behaviour towards having kids and behaviour towards kids in general.

Tl;dr why is there so much negativity around babies and kids?

It's not like I'm even asking for shoulder-length hair. I literally just want my fringe to cover my eyebrows a little and for the back to be a little longer than it used to be. Was there some kind of negative stigma around boys' hair going past the top of their face in the 60s onwards?

I am curious because right now everything revolves around routines, meals, bedtime, and keeping my child entertained.

I love being a parent, but some days I am exhausted and wonder what the next stage will be like.

For those with older kids, does it actually get easier, or do the problems just change?

My 14 month old still takes two 2 hour naps most days, so she usually sleeps quite a bit, but lately she’s been extra fussy, clingy, and not as smiley as usual. She’s still drinking well and having normal wet diapers, but she’s a little pickier with food and keeps putting her fingers in her mouth, so I’m wondering if molars are coming in. For those with toddlers around this age, is 4+ hours of daytime sleep still normal, or does that seem like too much? Did your toddlers get extra sleepy when teething?

Im 19, my mom and I have always been strained, but she's very strict about boys (Latin household, oldest daughter of 3.) When I asked for permission to go on one date my summer before uni freshman year, i got grounded and punishment def exceeded the crime. The crime being : asking for permission to go on a date. I lost my entire summer, couldnt see my friends, totally grounded.

I learned that obeying her rules got me grounded, and I am a very well established adult. I will be graduating with my BS in psych in 2027 (if I choose to, this is 2 years early to my expected graduation because I took insane amounts of AP/DC classes) but I chose to add on a second paralegal license and am graduating in Fall 2027. 1.5 years early. I've won competitions in theatre (in HS since I just started uni) I graduated magna cum laude with multiple chords. My point is, I'm not some irresponsible bummy kid. I've worked multiple jobs, I've had leadership roles.

I'm going to law school around 21-23 depending on finances. I'm aiming for T14's, Yale, Harvard. I'm establishing good ties with professors and directors of legal programs. I do well for myself man.

I met a guy my first day of uni and fell hard. He was everything I wanted, my physical type, european (I'm in America so that was a wtf) smart, kind. I decided that day that my mom was not going to ground me for asking permission because I was not going to do so. We got together for a year (coming up soon) she found out a few days ago.

I understand I lied. I understand that is wrong, however I am 19 and am moving along life very fast with my degree, license, career etc. I am entitled to date if i want no? I respect my parents, they fund my life, and I love them so much but I couldn't let the connection I felt fall between my fingers.

She's now ignoring me. She hasn't spoken to me in 36 ish hours. She told me sister she felt 'detatched emotionally' from me. She doesn't want me to date, she switches the rules on dating all the time. First she said 18+ I can date freely (I asked, got grounded) then 21+ then 24+. Is this not unrealistic? I always thought me and her would end up estranged or speak rarely. I never imagined it being so soon and so young. I love her dearly, but she has lacked kindness towards me in many ways. She says raising me was traumatic but never stopped to consider how her words hurt me or why I acted out as a child (depressive disorder and childhood schooling abuse.)

I woke up and saw she blocked me on instagram. She hasn't directed a single sentence my way. I never thought she'd react by cutting me off like this. In my opinion, I'd be hurt but also question why my daughter doesn't feel safe to speak to me. I've never been emotionally intimate with her, those things got used against me. I understand I shouldn't have lied but for fucks sake I'm not 12 right?

Parents, how would you react to this? And how would you like yoir daughter to fix it? Breaking up isn't an option, he's very good to me and I refuse :p

My son is in his 20s and lives in the same metropolitan area that we do. He is very much a hard worker, usually working both a full time and a part-time job, although in school he didn’t really apply himself as much as could.

Personality wise, he has become really quite dour in person, whenever we meet up he is quit quiet and really only give very short, vague answers. He gives sort of one word texts, although about once a month he will randomly call extremely upset, crying about how he’s lost, has no friends, doesn’t do anything, is lonely etc. then it’s back to one word answers.

Career wise his full time was being a teacher, he was at one district for 3 years, won some awards, was in the paper (for good reasons!), then he quit and flirted between two other districts but he’s talked about how he really wants his old position back.

He’s had an idea about going overseas for an MBA for awhile, then he told us he quit his job and is now going. Three weeks out now he says he wants get his mba at a school in state but he also says if all else fails he’ll just move to New York City and hope for the best.

Basically he’s going through a quarter life crisis but i also think hes really alone but doesnt want to talk to
us. Any advice? We just want to talk our son an offer advice

Parents, genuine question:

Husband and I are right on the fence about kids. He’s all in and loves kids, would be a great dad. His only hesitation is my concern about noise and frankly, I have the same concern.

I’m autistic and HATE the shrill, high pitched shrieks of toddlers and screaming babies. Which is unfortunate, because when they’re not screaming I think they’re the cutest, most adorable beings and have a blast hanging out with my nieces and nephews and friends kids. But when the shrieking starts oh my god it’s physically painful. Or when I see a kid in a restaurant I’ll actually leave (why are they always so badly behaved at restaurants? I’ve never seen children throwing tantrums in homes as I have when out)

What do we think? This is a genuine question. Is it possible to ride out and the love of your kids makes it tolerable? Do you get desensitized after a while? Thoughts from anyone neurodivergent would also be helpful.

I’ve seen this a lot. In real life, social media, shows, books.

As much as I love kids and wish the best for them always, they are one of the two things I will always stand by. I also think while yes it’s not very good or healthy to me, it’s not really “acceptable” but understandable? Like I guess I could get it from someone’s pov if they didn’t like kids? I just think, don’t have them. Or if you truly want them/need them, fix it. I mean truly, fix it.

I also see alot of people who do want them and then don’t want them because they get jealous of them and their affection from their partner. So obviously this would happen, why are you shocked and again YOU are your partners only romantic love, what is your issue??

I will say, I’m not sure if I’d be the best parent. I don’t want to sacrifice time and life with my partner for kids, atleast not yet and while that may sound cruel, I just won’t have them and boom no one’s hurt.

If I ever do have kids, I think I’d atleast adopt one? Id rather help kids in need than producing more and more but at the same time, I think pregnancy is truly beautiful. Probably just adopt tho

Edit: want to really get it across, again I understand it. I just think you should fix it if it does happen. Cus I don’t think it’s controllable as soon as it happens if it somehow does happen to someone. I just don’t get people who go their whole lives just accepting they hate their kids

my mom and dad and stepdad failed me and id be a better mom than all of them when i was 10

Genuine question, I’m in my late 40s and my son who is able to vote obviously, stated that he voted for Trump. He revealed it to the other day.

How would you react? So many people saying they’d go no contact with their kids etc.

🤷🏼‍♀️

I really hope this doesn’t sound creepy, but how do you guys go through pregnancy, labor, PP, without feeling violated?? Everyone is just looking at your bits all the time. Especially with breastfeeding, i’m not sure how i’d feel about an infant throwing a fit about not getting to use my boobs anymore. Your body starts deteriorating and you just have to accept it? I understand these things all become a new normal etc but it still just seems so miserable to me. To be fair i’m a 19yo girl and very “to myself” but, still.

I don’t actually think these things are weird at all of course. I’m not expecting or interested in kids (don’t worry lol) i’ve always just been curious about this. Do you guys ever feel like this or have you?

Just joined the 3 boys under 4 club. To those who have gone before--is there anything you wished you knew sooner? What do you love about it, and what is hard? Do you find your life is fundamentally different from those who only have girls?

My baby is 6 months and people keep asking me if I have taken any big trips. I went on one this past month and it was challenging.... 3 nap schedule, blowouts, diaper changes, feeding, hatred for the carseat, wanting to put everything in her mouth.... All these things are fine at home with routine and our baby stations and toys, but it can be quite hard during travel. We stayed for only 4 days but we couldn't really adventure because we needed to make sure we were back in the hotel for at least one of her 3 naps. We baby carried the other naps but it's just never as good and leaves her overtired. This trip was nice and all, but I definitely wouldn't tell someone to "travel as much as possible" before the baby is 3 years old? I don't think a 1 year old or 2 year old would be easy either. I personally want to travel a lot when the kid is elementary and middle school age. Am I the only person who finds traveling with a young baby difficult? I don't mean just the flight/travel...I mean the actual vacation too!

I’m reading a book (>!Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak!<) where the nanny gets fired because she fell asleep for 4ish hours while the 5 year old was having his regularly scheduled quiet time. He came downstairs when he was done with quiet time, found her asleep on the couch, and woke her up. I suspect there’s various other stuff going on because this author typically writes crime/mystery type books, but anyways it got me thinking. I don’t have any kids but I don’t think I would care at all? Like, parents sleep too??

ETA: people keep bringing up the fact that the babysitter is being paid. Why does that matter? Would it be okay if your sister/etc was watching your kid for free as a favor and fell asleep?

ETA2: I've enjoyed these chats, very informative and mostly kind. I wish there was a polling option so I could get a consensus, as there's clearly people on both sides. But for now I'm going back to reading my book (PS if you hate the babysitter for taking the nap, you'll LOVE chapter 26)

I'm genuinely curious to understand your real thoughts without the existing emotional attachment you have with your children. An answer where that has 0 bearing on your decision. No influence at all. Just pure selfishness for yourself and want you want. There'll be no judgement. Its purely a hypothetical and I know they are the best thing thats ever happened to you and they bring you immense joy. But for the sake of this question if you were 18 again what would you do and chasing to have kids again means you wouldnt have the kids you have now itll be new set of kids that youve never met before