Is it possible that I’m playing with my children too much?
So I know it’s a weird question, my children are 1 & 4. My 4 year old daughter is an absolute force, she’s so extroverted, extremely clever, & also incredibly sensitive. She’s at a stage now where she wants to know absolutely everything about anything, and if I can’t answer in a way that is comprehensible to her 4 year old brain, she does get very upset.
My 1 year old is completely different (so far…) he’s very reserved, contented & quite happy just playing independently & with his sister. He of course loves to cuddle and play with me too, but he’s probably not very likely to come & find me unless he wants something or is feeling like he needs a bit of comfort because he’s tired etc.
Anyway, I recently went back to work after having my baby & mentioned that I love playing with them. When I’m home, I LOVE playing games with them both, colouring, painting, days out, swimming, I’ll join in at the park etc. Obviously 1yo can’t independently do these things anyway so there has to be some level of involvement I guess, but even before I had him, I would be constantly engaging with my daughter.
Some of the mums gasped and said that they would never constantly be interacting like that, and that they need to be more independent. One said it was selfish to have children for yourself. I just felt a bit attacked but I came home & thought about it, do I need to leave them alone? I really didn’t see the harm. My daughter is incredibly independent, I’m extremely proud of her, you couldn’t meet a kinder & more polite child. She thinks for herself, I’ve never noticed a problem. One thing as well, if the children wake up in the night unsettled, of course they can come to my bed for a cuddle. But apparently this is bad too? I had my daughter at 20 & they started using this to explain I suppose my bad way of parenting.
Am I damaging my children by being too involved & not having enough boundaries? I always just thought, they’re so little for such a short amount of time, I’m going to cuddle them & play for every second possible. I’m quickly learning this is not the general consensus & maybe I’m doing more harm than good?