r/intj

I don’t know who put xSFJs there, but he clearly hates us and want us to suffer. I genuinely can’t think of anything worse than being with a sensor. xSFJ’s in particular literally can’t handle deep conversations and this is probably my most important requirement in a relationship after loyalty.

I’ve met enough xSFJs to know that even slightly deep, abstract, or genuinely introspective conversations are not their strong suit. You can start talking about psychology, philosophy, existential questions, human nature, or some complicated idea, and they’ll give you that weird look like you’re speaking another language and steer the conversation back toward social drama, what someone wore, gossip, who said what, or some completely irrelevant everyday topic. They are also very shallow.

I’d genuinely rather die alone than spend my life with a sensor.

No offense to any sensors lurking here.

As an "entp" (24m), and I'm currently dealing with the whole INTJ disappearing into isolation/retreat mode thing. Primarily asking other "entp's", because I'm curious how you deal with it emotionally and practically, but obviously INTJs and everyone else are welcome to share their side too.

Yesterday I was reading through some posts about this, and I even came across someone saying they got a police report filed against them because they couldn't handle/respect an INTJ's retreat? and kept trying to contact them.

Well I don't think that would happen to me but I never expected the need for knowing that after a few months of dating I'd love someone so much. I'd rather not have that bite me in the ass in the future, so ofcourse I'll try to poke on the situation by using a Whatsapp spam bot to get her attention ( I'm still alive, and she made contact. Hurray! ). Now I am not the most normal individual on earth but you guys can be complete enigmas.

The fun thing is, my mom tested as one too. A few years ago, and I wasn't really into "MBTI" much back then, just curious. But I ask her things, and she'd rather be alone than in a relationship, but to be fair she had difficult moments in the past. That definitely made me realize how important it is not to cross boundaries, even when the silence is difficult.

My girlfriend is not really into "MBTI" herself, but I made her take the test.

And "INTJs": feel free to explain what those moments feel like from your side too.

Genuinely curious how each type defines loyalty and how important (or not) it is to you. Will be going around the subs, hope to observe some patterns :)

Talkin bout big, life changing, midlife crisis type of existential crisis, if you know what I mean.

I always get bouts of emptiness /"what's the point anyway" kind of feeling from time to time, but this time I really feel like my wheels have come off, I can't feel the ground beneath my feet, and pretty much nothing feels satisfying anymore. Everything is so... transient. I can't shake off the feeling of wanting more from life, though what that means exactly is unclear.

Done the whole travelling, partying, career change, thrill seeking /other random things in the past. Had lots of hobbies, interests, a satisfying career, multiple curiosities. Now, those impulses are gone. Maybe it's the single life, I dunno. Relationships have been a hit and miss. Doubt I'd be happy in a stable relationship though, it sounds so stifling.

So tell me, how did you get through your midlife crisis? What did you do /not do? What changed? What did you learn? Kinda know how to deal with it but am curious to hear actual stories from other people.

Feel free to keep it vague if you don't want to get too personal.

I’m looking for any advice on how to ask an INTJ out she is 19 and I’m 20 I’m a very shy person and I want to ask her out and I actually met her on Facebook dating back in the late June and we’ve been talking basically every day and I even asked her a few times about playing Minecraft with me on Xbox and she did explain to me a few times that she was trying to play but has just been either really busy or trying to kick her sister off the game, but unfortunately, we never ended up playing yet and I was just kind of wanted to be blunt with her saying that I really like her and would like to get to know her more and we basically talk every day about what’s going on in our lives and just joking around, but I just don’t know how to ask her that question because we never officially talked over the phone or in a voice call before and I have no problem waiting, but I just want to know at least if she likes me like that or not and I’m just looking for any advice from anyone who can hopefully help me

Si is the process related to fine detail, memorization, and topic mastery. I've read it was dead last in the cognitive stack for INTJs....

I've never been good at rote memorization. As a kid I remember being frustrated that other's could memorize book quotes and get candy. I could memorize the short ones, but the longer ones were too difficult for me to recite completely. In high school I could only recite half the Shakespeare sonnet and therefore didn't get the full extra credit points. Even as an adult, I still cannot commit random facts or numbers to long term memory without underlying context or an elaborate memory game. It's not for lack of effort! But precision has always been difficult.

I don't have a problem memorizing facts and numbers when there's context. I map it into the spiderweb connections in my brain and it's there for life. It's so much easier to remember historic dates if I know more about the event or why it was important. And if I understand a concept, there's nothing to memorize. It's already downloaded.

Obviously there's techniques to help you recall information (chunking, elaborative interrogation, spaced repetition, etc...), but with Si being the INTJs least developed cognitive function, I was wondering if rote memorization really is the least developed for all of us? Do you have to jump through mental hoops to memorize a phone number or a long quote? Do you watch a TED talk and try to explain it to someone but, even though you understand the whole thing, you can't recall the words they actually used? Or you watched a movie and gawk at your friends who can recite a billion quotes from it without effort? Do you explain a concept to someone using an approximate word because the best word to use just isn't coming to you even though you know it exists? And if so, how do you work to get better at this?? What's been your best technique? For me, the only way to remember exactly what someone said is to write it down immediately and reference it a few times after. I still don't have a good method to remember important numbers (such the equipment dimensions, trigger levels, form numbers, etc...). I have to reference them every single time.

I start:

At 11 years old I became the main game master of an internet play-by-forum game about wrestling. I've had a set of "cards" of imaginary wrestlers and had to arrange matches and stories between them. I've done it so well, in-detail and maturely that everybody thought that I am 20+ years old and the game had peak user engagement during my time. I've always tactically avoided any mic chat with these people as I still haven't got my voice change. Whenever I think of it I think it showcased my Ni+Te usage at a very young age in practice.

He's an INTJ while I'm an ESTP,as an extrovert I like meeting new people many of them don't have morals that match mine but it's their thing and not mine so while I stay with them if our unmatched morals come then I just let them unless it's not on me and sometimes I like some reels which are just funny but not relatable but he finds these to be wrong he finds it wrong to interact with someone of no morals and liking reels even for fun. How do I handle this friendship which is in the phase of turning into a potential relationship?

I’m so tired of social media. I honestly feel like what people show there and what actually they are doesn’t align with. Non chalant people can ignore these things and can go with the flow but idk after knowing their intentions and seeing those filtered things it just says ENOUGH. I just can’t ignore and behave normally after knowing about the true values of a person. Everyone hates everyone and everyone is cheating out there on their partners. But on social media they’re like the happiest couple and person.

Fi being on the third place is simply too high. I despise having an emotional sensitive side because it’s holding me back. Also I don’t see the point of being soft deep down when you’re seen as cold and arrogant by everyone anyway like what’s the point of Fi even?

Do you ever want a girl makes the first move? Or is that a no no?

For context, I think I’m getting every hint an INTJ guy is into me? But he hasn’t made a move. Whenever I text or communicates he responds straight away, then finds a way to continue the conversation usually using wit and humour - and he generally asks another question even though there’s plenty of exit moments.
If I need anything he offers help, sends me numbers for house or car repairs. He also gives me legal advice when I needed some recently (he’s a barrister) and when I see him he kinda lingers. I’m INFJ, we have a connection, same page, same humour etc - but he hasn’t hinted or even suggested he likes me. Definitely no questions about a date!

Is he waiting for me to make a move or is this in my imagination and this normal behaviour for INTJ’s cause he’s just a decent guy?

I've been thinking lately about the best path to attaining wealth/ freedom, and how much I really need. Wondering if others here relate.

Personally, I don't need a ton. The few luxuries that I will spend on are high quality food, quality housing in nice locations, and services that save me time. Aside from that, I don't need fancy items or status symbols.

For income I think that a good-paying job would make more than enough for me to retire early and live a full life, as I'm quite frugal and invest aggressively.

However, I'm drawn to entrepreneurship primarily for the autonomy and freedom that it provides compared to working for someone else. I have never once felt fulfilled working a job long-term, but often feel fulfilled working on my own goals, even if they are harder, riskier, or more time consuming overall.

How about you?

To me, I think I would still play casino games from time to time, but in the end, it's rather a dangerous way of losing all of anybody's networth, whether they know how to use probability or have no or little knowledge about it. So does this mean I should quit playing casino games, due to higher chances of addiction?

Basically, I see life as a game where the goal is to level up my skills as high as possible. Think RuneScape or a similar RPG.

As I have gotten older and have more autonomy, I spend the majority of my time grinding away at building up my knowledge/ skills.

Money, power, fun, hedonism, etc don't motivate me past using them as a means to an end. Even things like social contact or relaxation I view through the lens of "doing this will help me recover so I can make more progress toward my goals".

Because of this, I've never cared for many things that others find important (like weddings, bars, clubs, social status, etc). My interest in things like food, entertainment, and even sex are secondary to making progress on whatever my focus is at the time.

Wondering if others feel the same. That is all.

hello, i’m infj for context :)

it’s been very fun learning about my bf. he looks up to how energetic & social i can be, exuding confidence (it’s anxiety btw)—as i look up to how smart, kind, sweet, and goal oriented he is.

he reminds me often that he isn’t good with words and isn’t as expressive, which i find ironic bc he does well with words, even if he side eyes (i do too, im not the best w/ words either.) at times, i do have to remind him about things i like & value, and i don’t really think forgetfulness means they don’t care about you, i just think they simply forget.

my bf has human decency, tho sometimes it doesn’t click to him right away if what he did or does came across inconsiderate or rude, that’s just him being authentic without a facade imo

when im upset, he knows. he holds my hand and tries to get it out of me to speak to him about my feelings. although he doesn’t always understand, i know he cares. one time, i was really upset but didn’t know how to explain myself since i tend to ramble, so i wrote a concept map with arrows explaining xyz & then we made up lol.

it’s funny tho, bc sometimes i feel like my bf is nicer than i am with people. sometimes i tend to shut down, but he still acknowledges those that are not the nicest to him..unless he has a ‘valid’ reason to dislike them .

i think when an intj cares or genuinely cares, i feel like they consider you in part of their future plans. they aren’t as expressive either.

also, he’s really introverted in terms of staying home often as i go out w my friends at times. but we’re both homebodies for the most part. i’m happy that he likes my emotions as i used to think i was too much for people. him , on the other hand, told me he was afraid that he wasn’t enough. i like this guy

What actually helped you move on after heartbreak?

It's not that we are emotionless and don't care we just don't like talking unnecessarily and also we love the person who is good with us don't mind It's my first post.

​

Always believe in yourself and use their criticism to progress