r/intj

Hi,

I’m kinda curious if other INTJ males experience women that they never met keep staring at them whenever they walk past them?

- for context, I’m in my own world, dress very smart and sharply due to the nature of my work, senior in what I do and a private individual. Women in public feel the need to look me straight in the face with a serious/ poker like face whenever I try to avoid eye contact as I’m in my head and trying to keep on the mission of whatever I got my mind set too. All the women in my close circle love me, including my own mother that I have a phenomenal relationship with. My father has always been jealous of me, but that’s his daddy issues he never got over with, so I don’t really care.

Context: My friend said she wants to be understood so I wanna collect info.

I’m discovering one of my “abilities” that I’ve been practicing for the past 6 months.

I ask questions and “receive” answers.

Only operational questions. I use this ability on financial markets while trading.

When I have a problem, I try to formulate my question as clearly as possible, and then I “receive” the answer.

All my life, I’ve had TOO many ideas, and I realized that I needed to WRITE THEM DOWN because they are very important.

Over the past 6 months, I realized that I could influence the subject of my ideas, and I started directing them partly toward trading (and it works!).

As a result, I now have a kind of protocol that allows me to ask a question and receive the answer, which appears in my mind while walking or doing completely unrelated things.

Of course, I also receive answers to questions that I hadn’t yet properly formulated.

The problem is this: I’m trying to understand the origin of these thoughts.

Is it possible that this is spiritual (as the Vedanta says that we receive our thoughts and that they exist independently from our own will) ?

Or is the explanation more simply material or cognitive ?

Do other people have a similar skill or way of functioning ?

Hey INTJs,

My girlfriend gave me a personality test 6 months ago. I took it expecting nonsense, got INTJ, and laughed at how accurate it seemed.

Out of curiosity I started reading about the functions, stress-testing my type, trying to see if something else fit, but if INTJ is a box, I fall right in the middle of it.

I don’t fully believe in it. Some of it is hard to dismiss the constant future fixation, suddenly “knowing” something without knowing how, the Se grip(don't ask me), the planning, the obsessions, even the death stare.

At the same time, I can’t shake the skeptic in me. Am I actually recognizing myself in this, or just seeing the patterns I want to see? Hard to tell.

So I’m stuck between “this is weirdly accurate” and “this is kind of pseudoscience.”

So my question is do you guys actually believe in MBTI? As a real framework, a useful shortcut, or something in between?

Would you date one or are they "too much" for you?

View Poll

have a dilemma right now with student. He asked to stay in touch verbally and in writing. It was brave and proactive. 3 weeks into summer I sent him an email to match his bravery. He is a returning mature student and we have had good math conversations. I admit I felt vulnerable sending the email as I have never had a student ask such a thing. I value our connection and want to transition it to more of a colleagues type interaction. Dilemma: if he doesn’t check university email during summer I will have no data to know the difference between that and him hoping I get the message to move on. This leaves a painful open loop in my mind that I am not sure I can tolerate for the length of summer. I don’t need frequent interaction but I need clear data. I have his gmail due to share overleaf files but have never used it and don’t feel comfortable crossing that boundary. I’m so stumped. I haven’t been able to logic my way to a solution.

View Poll

I really want to because I've been thinking about this a lot while building something around personality patterns. do people actually change or just adapt?

I’ve been analyzing a recurring pattern in social dynamics. People frequently project arrogance or intimidation onto us when we are simply in our baseline, observational state. Breaking it down, it seems to stem from a few specific mechanical differences in how we operate: 1. Comfort with silence: Most people use continuous noise to regulate social tension. When we allow a pause to exist without rushing to fill it, they interpret that void as silent judgment. 2. Refusal to perform: We don't use "softeners" (fake laughs, over-explaining boundaries). A simple, calm "no" or a neutral face unsettles people who rely on performative social cues. 3. The gaze: When we listen, we are actually processing data, which leads to intense eye contact. We aren't waiting for our turn to speak; we are analyzing. It’s not that we are trying to dominate the room, but rather our lack of need for external validation makes highly performative people uncomfortable. What other specific triggers have you guys mapped out that cause this reaction? I'm curious to hear your logical breakdowns of this dynamic.

I’m making a small group chat for people who genuinely enjoy solving problems and thinking deeply.

Topics can be:

daily life

tech/digital issues

productivity

money/career

business ideas

decision making

random real-world problems

Not trying to make a huge community.

I’d rather keep it small with people who add value.

To join:

be active sometimes

think clearly

respect others

no spam/self-promo

quality > quantity

Might add people slowly first instead of open invite links.

If you’re interested, comment what kind of problems you like solving.

Telegram will be the the group chat platform.

Drop your info about what you are good at.

And a good example that can make me add you.

Important - This group solves any and everyones problems.

View Poll

This is gonna sound stupid considering INTJs are stereotyped as “cold”, logical, detached, calculated etc, but being a 19 year old guy, I genuinely wanna know if anyone relates to this or if this is just a me problem. I've got great friendships but with regards to the way I approach a romantic relationship with someone I'm interested in, this is the recurring problem I face:

First off, for some FUCKALL reason, the people I am attracted to are either emotionally unavailable or are seeing someone else but we have great chemistry.

Whenever I meet someone I genuinely connect with, especially if they understand my humor/personality well, my brain goes into complete overanalysis mode. I start analysing every interaction, every text, every possible meaning, every future outcome. And the worst part is I’m fully self-aware while doing it.

Like I KNOW when I’m overexplaining.

I KNOW when I should stop texting.

I KNOW when I’m getting emotionally attached too quickly.

I KNOW when I’m trying to “optimize” emotional situations through communication instead of just letting things breathe.

But I still do it anyway.

And then eventually it becomes too emotionally intense, awkward or complicated and I end up walking away from people completely because I don’t know how to handle uncertainty or emotional ambiguity normally.

It’s weird because logically I understand:

- not every connection has to become something huge

- people can like you and still need space

- timing matters

- overcommunication can overwhelm people

But emotionally my brain acts like every meaningful connection has to either be fully resolved or fully lost.

I also noticed I try WAY too hard to communicate properly. Like I’ll keep clarifying intentions, explaining feelings, trying to make sure there’s no misunderstanding etc. and it just turns into emotional overkill.

And then afterwards comes the embarrassment/self-cringe phase where I reread everything and think “holy shit why did I act like that”.

So yeah:

- Is this actually an INTJ thing?

- Is this anxious attachment disguised as self-awareness?

- Is it just lack of emotional experience/maturity?

- Or am I simply using analysis as a coping mechanism for uncertainty/rejection?

Would genuinely appreciate hearing from people who’ve gone through something similar because this cycle is exhausting.

Any other INTJ’s here? I seem to always get INTJ on any test i take and have been getting more or less the same ratios for about 5 years now.

Do you tear up at random things?

We got a send-off speech today and we got told 2 things:

• Don't sleep with your boss
• Just enjoy life. Life is to be enjoyed.

The second one made me cry because... I don't think I'm going to. Instead of clapping and hooting like everyone, I left and came home. So yeah, now I'm on here instead of celebrating with everyone else.

Even the first one actually. Constant reminders that I'm missing out on a lot of life.

I know it's asked a million times on here, but how do you deal with being different from everyone. Why are random things getting to me.

I was very careful emotionally and physically. Waited to observe for three weeks and he was consistent, engaging, ideal without fault.

After thr 1 month mark, the mas started falling off and he was no longer tha same person. It's over a month now and I do miss him but I am rationalizing things which leads me and helps me in moving forward.

When will dating get better for me?

INTJ here.

Recently met an ENFP girl and the experience has honestly been strange in a good way.

Normally I spend a lot of time in my own head and keep a pretty controlled emotional distance from people. But around her, conversations somehow feel effortless. I feel more relaxed, more expressive, and weirdly more “myself” than usual.

At the same time, ENFP energy also feels a little chaotic and unpredictable to me 😅

I know people online constantly talk about the “INTJ x ENFP” dynamic, but I’m curious how it actually feels from other INTJs’ perspectives in real life.

For INTJs who’ve been close to ENFPs:
Did you ever feel unusually understood or emotionally opened up around them?

And did it actually work long term, or was it just initial chemistry?

Any books you suggest? try to grounding myself out there in reality. Thank you!