Title says it all. Thanks!
Edit: Thank you all so much for responding! Y’all definitely respond more than some other types haha. I’m enjoying reading y’all’s responses!
They both require the skill of being able to read expressions, reading between the mind, understating of the brain.
As in my case i rarely listen to any songs but i listen to music or bgm's only with no lyrics.
I know it's not a personality type question, but i am curious
I am well aware of general stereotypes of an intjs. While some might match, some are do not.
For me,
I tend to isolate myself due to extreme self awareness(micro aspects specifically, people might not ever notice) and fear of making mistakes.
I tend to do everything on my own and refuse to ask for help. I believe that if I do something on my own, I can do better, but it lead to burnout in the long run.
I never give up. If I value something(based on my flawed tunnel vision), I tend to go to war for it... some of them messes me up in the long run..
What are your weaknesses, intj?
I have been misunderstood many times, but it wasn't a big deal to me because either I didn't know about it or it just didn't impact me seriously. But it is starting to disrupt my life. For example, I work as a tutor and my boss told me one day that I look like I don't even want to be there. This was not true at all. I enjoy my job and look forward to it most of the time, and it hurts that I could not display that properly. She said I didn't look happy, but it was just my resting face. This wouldn't bother me much in other contexts, but this is my boss so it affects me seriously. Another example is my driving instructor who told my mother that I didn't seem like I actually wanted to drive because I didn't seem happy, wouldn't talk much, and would be serious. But that's not at all true because I actually enjoy driving, and because of this my mother is upset with me because I told her I wanted to learn. Other times my friends have told me that I don't seem to care about them because I don't cry when they are sad or seem empathetic towards them. Which I do really care about my friends, and want to help them the best I can. This problem is negatively affecting my life to a greater extent than I am comfortable with. I genuinely don't know how to solve this. Please share any similar experiences, advice, suggestions, anything helpful is appreciated.
Tl;dr: My neutral expression and personality is causing serious distress in my life. And I don't know how I should improve this so I can properly convey what I feel and limit misunderstandings when they severely affect my life.
examples: specific software, a notepad and a pen, or favorite mental techniques so you never forget your to-do list...
iconoclastic examples: "none", "this assumes i'm productive"
Basically the title. How did you know your partner was the 'one' for you? What did they do that made that click for you?
A bit of a hopeless romantic here so would love better understand how your guys' brain works.
Being INTJ, I was always so focused on my studies. The work paid off because I was able to get into solid schools and landed decently career wise. However, I noticed that this strategy is not as effective in the workforce because of factors mostly related to politics and relationships. It took me awhile to finally accept this truth but now that I have it's making me regret all the social opportunities I had earlier in life. For example, during university I can remember two distinct opportunities that I turned down dating girls who wanted a relationship with me because I couldn't see myself marrying either one.
Looking back now, I see the situation differently because I'm sure the relationship would have matured me. It would have given me the exposure sooner rather than later in life where I'm married now and probably having my mid-life crisis 😂 in my late 40's. I would have learned intimacy sooner which is another regret I have. I have very few sexual partners because I was very picky. But I wonder now if it had more to do with my own lack of experience from intimate relationships.
So I guess my burning question to this group would be: are there any INTJs who have dated many partners? Or is it just in our nature to have a low number of partners we have been intimate with?
Basically, the way I act now feels like a weird mix of old social anxiety habits, social skills I learned over the years, and what I genuinely want to say or do.
The problem is I can’t separate any of it anymore. My personality feels kind of messed up, and honestly, the fact that I keep failing to build healthy relationships with people makes me think something is clearly off.
I don’t even know where the problem is coming from anymore. Maybe it’s something in me. Maybe it’s because of my past. Maybe I’ve just spent too much time in environments and around people that don’t fit me at all.
I genuinely have no idea.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve basically been a bird trying to live with a bunch of penguins this whole time.
Or maybe I’m actually a bird with no wings trying to force myself to learn how to fly.
Anyway, I started wondering if there are any INTJs here who actually have healthy friendships and relationships.
How do you normally deal with people?
More specifically, what do you think is different about the way you think or act compared to most people, and how does that affect your relationships, both in good and bad ways?
In my post about the reasons for being in this sub, I saw quite a few comments from people who want to connect with like-minded individuals, to feel less lonely or alienated, to feel right at home. People said we are a rare type and that they had never met anyone similar in real life.
Yet I think that for whatever reason, many of us stop at the comment. We don't do the obvious thing: DM someone and keep talking.
Maybe you saw a comment that resonated with you, or someone mentioned something interesting you want to ask about, but you hesitated, or decided to mind your own business and not disturb anyone. Maybe you have a question but are too shy or scared to make a public post. Or you tried contacting somebody once, got no reply, and gave up.
It doesn't have to be that way. Go and DM someone today. Start the conversation. If you believe in signs, let this be one. If you are shy or anxious, blame this post or me in your DM request. If you want someone to DM you, leave a comment. If someone contacts you, give them a chance.
Disclaimer
I anticipate someone might question my intentions. No, I am not farming karma or trying to show off. This post isn't about me. No, this is not a social experiment. No, I am not running a cult or a Discord channel. No, I am not luring women to DM me. I am married and not looking for a romantic relationship. Everyone is welcome though.
I believe that if even a single person becomes less lonely because of this post, it was worth it.
To set the stage a bit, there are numerous personality tests and leadership examples that can place a score on extraversion/introversion. One of these is the Big Five Personality, that I was recently introduced to. This test explicitly includes extraversion, along with conscientiousness, openness to ideas, neuroticism, and agreeableness. With that test, I was informed that throughout various studies of successful leaders, the majority have higher levels of openness, conscientiousness, and extraversion, are moderate in agreeableness, and low neuroticism.
If one takes that test and scores lower in extraversion, what does that mean? And what causes the opposite of extraversion? And it is constant?
Like many things, it’s probably not super simple. You may know of one or more introverted people that just really don’t enjoy crowds, tend to be quiet, and move to the corners of the room. However, you may have also witnessed that same person talking, laughing, joking with someone, being very open and seemingly extraverted. What’s up with that?
Or maybe you are that introvert and can verbalize exactly what’s going on. It’s also often explained that introverts can be outgoing and engaging, but it’s more the effect on their internal energy that differs from extroverts. That engaging discussion can be completely draining, even if you initially look forward to it. I think I saw this happen just yesterday, and there was an immediate trigger from being outgoing to withdrawn. The introvert, we’ll call them Dan, was smiling, saying good morning, and fist bumping several acquaintances. This was in a learning environment, and later in the morning the group was working on an exercise on laptops. Dan had already surmounted a technical obstacle and noticed someone a row in front of him struggling. Almost without thinking, Dan called the person’s name and provided some tips.
All that sounds simple enough, but what Dan didn’t take into account is that the person in front of them hadn’t even been aware Dan could see them, or knew their name. Dan knew several names because he had made it a point to look over the roster, thinking that extroverts always seem to know everyone. So he had done what was familiar to him by studying names and faces of the roster. However, over the next few minutes, Dan noticed the person in front dim their screen and in general act a bit more reserved.
Then it clicked, Dan realized how creepy that may have seemed, even out of a state of wanting to help and connect. But it was too much, too soon. Then followed the familiar sensation of rejection, which triggered an uncontrollable response of withdrawal. And the introverted Dan quickly took the place of extraverted Dan.
Obviously, for Dan, the issue of rejection plays a huge role. If Dan were someone that issue rolled off easier, he would simply ignore the interaction and move on. But it became debilitating, essentially blocking all other inputs and interactions for hours, sometimes days. The combination of the rejection trigger then snowballs when withdrawal reminds him that being introverted is “bad”, driving thoughts of rejection deeper, and creating more withdrawal.
It’s difficult to avoid the trigger - those can happen through forces beyond your control. But how to deal with the response, and maybe shorten recovery is crucial. In Dan’s case, a short walk as a soon as possible while reminding himself that “he’s ok” seemed to help. It’s literally like Dan’s system went into a survival mode where many people can just blow it off and forget the original interaction ever happened.
Does the dread of being labeled an introvert actually make the triggers worse, sometimes without even consciously knowing? If so, does naming that issue help?