u/1dundermuffin

Si is the process related to fine detail, memorization, and topic mastery. I've read it was dead last in the cognitive stack for INTJs....

I've never been good at rote memorization. As a kid I remember being frustrated that other's could memorize book quotes and get candy. I could memorize the short ones, but the longer ones were too difficult for me to recite completely. In high school I could only recite half the Shakespeare sonnet and therefore didn't get the full extra credit points. Even as an adult, I still cannot commit random facts or numbers to long term memory without underlying context or an elaborate memory game. It's not for lack of effort! But precision has always been difficult.

I don't have a problem memorizing facts and numbers when there's context. I map it into the spiderweb connections in my brain and it's there for life. It's so much easier to remember historic dates if I know more about the event or why it was important. And if I understand a concept, there's nothing to memorize. It's already downloaded.

Obviously there's techniques to help you recall information (chunking, elaborative interrogation, spaced repetition, etc...), but with Si being the INTJs least developed cognitive function, I was wondering if rote memorization really is the least developed for all of us? Do you have to jump through mental hoops to memorize a phone number or a long quote? Do you watch a TED talk and try to explain it to someone but, even though you understand the whole thing, you can't recall the words they actually used? Or you watched a movie and gawk at your friends who can recite a billion quotes from it without effort? Do you explain a concept to someone using an approximate word because the best word to use just isn't coming to you even though you know it exists? And if so, how do you work to get better at this?? What's been your best technique? For me, the only way to remember exactly what someone said is to write it down immediately and reference it a few times after. I still don't have a good method to remember important numbers (such the equipment dimensions, trigger levels, form numbers, etc...). I have to reference them every single time.

TLDR; INTJs love deep connection with humans. Do you have or want a meaningful connection with your pet?

I lost my 14 yr old cat this year, and I'm surprised by how deeply I feel this loss. She was more than a pet, more than a companion,... She was a friend. We interacted with each other. Played off each other's moods and energy. We understood each other. When I played with her, she'd stop to make biscuits with her paws and purr, as if to let me know how happy she was we were playing. We had games. I would chase her around the house, and when she was done , she'd jump on the window seat to let me scratch her long fur in every direction as quickly as possible. She'd hide from the kids - she hated it when they chased her - but always come out at 6 pm for an hour of snuggles, even with the kids. When I was pregnant, she was always sleeping ontop of me. She greeted me at the door when I came home from work. She'd meet me in the bathroom every morning more a quick pick-up and purr in my ear. She'd come when I called to her.... I miss her.

But at a friend's house, I found his 3 cats to be annoying. They reminded me of annoying extroverted humans who push into your bubble and pester your alone time. They make everything about them. They are not very receptive or attuned with how you treat them.

So naturally I started analyzing, like a typical INTJ.

I've Never had a blanket love for all animals. I don't rush in to pet other's dogs and cats. I've always been just as picky with animals as I am with humans. INTJs love deep connections, and perhaps that extends to our pets?

Do you enjoy being with all animals? Do you have a meaningful connection with your pets? Do you tend to process interactions with pets in a similar or oversimplified framework of how you process interactions with other people? What repels you from a pet? What draws you in and keeps you there?

EDIT: I'm curious about this from an MBTI perspective. For example, many dogs tend to be very energetic and demanding of attention. As an introvert, I find it drains my energy (even if they are cute). As a Ni type, I'm more interested in learning about the animal and how we interact. As opposed to Se types, who I imagine are energized by petting and playing with energetic dogs.

INTJs value independence, intelligence, competence, a deep understanding of things, etc... Are these important to you when it comes to pets?

INTJs have a tendency to be picky in love... We find it hard to connect with other humans already, but finding someone to love is even harder.

Most dates I've gone on and relationships I've been in, there was always some source of internal friction. Sometimes it was obvious, like their lack of curiosity or emotional intelligence. Other times it was less obvious, like mannerisms that I seen before in others and catalogued, or my intuition saying they aren't for me and I don't know why.

All my relationships, long and short, had some source of friction that I ignored or overcame, and in the end they weren't right for me. There was one, however, where there was no resistance. Where everything felt easy and right. I had no reservations whatsoever. It was right for me. That feeling was instant and never left.

Ultimately it wasn't what he wanted, and now that I'm single and wondering about that one time connecting with a lover was effortless. Is that the signal I should be looking for when I try to date someone?

So to any INTJs who have that deep connection with your lover, I want to know if you experienced any of this? Did you feel that the connection was effortless? Did over overcome any second guessing to end up happily together with that deep, loving connection? Did you trust your intuition? Or maybe you avoided someone because of it?

How has trusting your gut worked out for you?

INTJ has such a bad stereotype for emotions. How many of you have come to terms with your emotional capacity and leveled up? How many of you have fallen in love and had your world expanded? How many of you have felt your emotional range grow from teaspoon to Gawd Damn!? How many of you have embraced the joy and the pain and felt it deeply? How many of you identify with INFJs but still make logical decisions? Tell me your experience!

I'm recently single and that relationship shook me to my core. I've felt things I've never felt before. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And as an INTJ, I'm analyzing the crap out of it! Tell me more about how you process emotions with your big analytical brain.

EDIT: I've been very vague. The truth is I was ghosted by an INFP mid fall. He was falling. I was falling. It scared the crap out of him and he disappeared. He admitted his cowardice and insecurities via text only to disappear again. The whole adventure, though only 3 months long, was intoxicating and worth every minute. The ending was nauseating and beyond pain. I felt things I didn't know I could feel, both good and bad.. I did the work and I feel healed, but I'm occasionally still triggered. It's 5 months later, and I'm second guessing myself as I try dating again. I'm scared to trust my feelings, and I'm scared I'm going to hurt someone. I'm curious how other INTJs navigate this kind of emotional space... how INTJs trust their feelings... some of my closest friends are INFJs and they understand the emotional aspects of this very well, but it's almost like we INTJs have an extra later of armor. Has anyone experienced anything like this?