u/moonkissed_xoxo

He's an INTJ while I'm an ESTP,as an extrovert I like meeting new people many of them don't have morals that match mine but it's their thing and not mine so while I stay with them if our unmatched morals come then I just let them unless it's not on me and sometimes I like some reels which are just funny but not relatable but he finds these to be wrong he finds it wrong to interact with someone of no morals and liking reels even for fun. How do I handle this friendship which is in the phase of turning into a potential relationship?

My mom is hesitating a lot to go there without a man of our house so will it be fine if she alone goes there we all are bounded by school,college,work schedules.

Please don't write TLDR it's disrespectful regarding what I'm writing,just for your info thus post includes topics like sexual trauma,feeling bad about my body,pcod etc. so mind your language please in this post🙏🏻

I have been sa'ed by a family member of my own that's why though it was done when I was toddler but now too in my late teens it still haunts me it has stopped now but it's effects I can't,even if a female touches my knees or my waist sometimes to help me with my clothes I'm not kidding when I say this I litreally get sudden flashbacks as I was a child do I didnt had b\*\*bs so he touched my down area and did the deed and sadly it was my brother so he was a bit older than me so whenever I see his guy friends or men around his age(he's 20 rn)I get on alert mode and ofc our country has a lot youth so it's really difficult for me to relax like I went to a new park opened in our small city so I just couldn't relax and my nervous system it sucks there were two guys sitting opposite of me they weren't bad but still and just walking in the park or streets I can't enjoy it freely and I'm an extrovert so going out and meeting new people is smth I like but when I see young guys around me I can't fcking relax. So till now it's visible that I have both mental and physical sexual trauma which now makes me think like in future if I ever got a bf then too there are low chances of him to continue being with me cause I can't get intimate though I would like to after marrige or smth but my fcking trauma won't let me and apart from that due to genetics and pcod I have gained a lot of weight and can't find good clothes and in my size and I do am someone who likes to get dressed but leave that as well I can't even find casual clothes I'm starting to despise myself again I only have one frock u wear everywhere it's starting to get frustrating and pcod is making my weight gain going slow,my mom makes me eat only one proper meal(roti,sabzi,daal,chawal) I litreally have nothing I'm all a mess I neither am healthy sexually,got barely anything clothes to wear and can't eat and it sucks to stay in my body. I love myself but what about now idk whether I actually do to myself or not.