u/othermegan

Anyone else sick of dealing with men who pitch these ideas that sound nice only to find out they’ve put no thought into the logistics?

My husband walked up to me this morning and said, “would you be open to driving somewhere and having a picnic today?”

I told him yes but I have some follow up questions first like what are we eating, where are we going, and is he talking lunch or dinner?

His answer? “I don’t want to spend money on sandwiches or takeout so I figured we could eat the food we have here. You know, grill up some chicken and make a salad. Then we could drive to [location an hour away], see if they have picnic tables, and have lunch.” Sir, we have spent the last 2 days out of state visiting family and friends. Not only do we have no prepared food here, we have no GROCERIES. All our chicken is frozen and we don’t have salad supplies.

So you want me, who literally just woke up, to plan a picnic meal, go shopping and/or defrost and marinade chicken, grill up said chicken, then pack up the car and a toddler to drive somewhere we don’t even know if they have tables? All in the next 2.5 hours for lunch? When I haven’t even had my coffee yet? Not to mention the fucking heatwave and you want to be in direct sun at NOON?!

“You always shoot down my ideas!”

Same lack of a full thought earlier this week. I was frustrated about having to cook dinner with our toddler demanding I take her outside to play now. He said “you never accept help! I could cook tonight but you won’t let me.” I said, “great! Here’s the meat. What are you putting on it?” He said he didn’t think about seasoning the food but he’d do teriyaki sauce. I said “that’s not gluten free and will make me sick.” He said, “oh, well that’s all I can think of so I guess you should do it.”

Like, motherfucker, I would LOVE for you to step up and help! I’m not being controlling because I like it. You just literally don’t think anything through. You don’t start cooking dinner at 5pm. It starts at 9am when you take something out to defrost or 3 days earlier when you’re at the store meal planning and buying ingredients.

I’m all for spontaneity but he clearly has no interest in taking on the full mental load. It’s total CEO energy: he’s the fun idea guy and he expects everyone else to figure it out

Daycare mornings are normally a chaotic rush of me getting up, trying to get ready for work, and trying to get our daughter packed/dresses/fed so we can get out the door without her missing cut off (100% of the time I am 5-15 minutes late to work and haven’t eaten). Thankfully I work remotely and am the earliest time zone on my team so no one notices and I just stay a little late. We always roll into daycare right at snack time which is perfect because all I am able to feed her these mornings is banana. Meanwhile, my unemployed husband (layoffs/not his fault, he’s trying to get work) sleeps in despite promising the night before that “tomorrow will be different!”

So tell me why today we all just happened to wake up significantly earlier and I had her all packed before she was awake, but yet somehow my husband was walking out the door with her later than ever and I was still 15 minutes late to work.

Seriously! At 8:30 she was sitting down for a real breakfast and I said “damn, if we hurry, she might be able to get there early today and make morning playground.” Apparently what my husband heard was “we are so ahead of schedule you can take your sweet ass time.” She completely missed snack which he wrote off as “fine since she ate breakfast.”

The only net positive is that I actually got to eat today (in peace, no less).

My husband went all out for Mother’s Day this year. To be fair, for the last 2 mother’s days, he did literally nothing for me. In 2024 I was heavily pregnant and he slept the whole day away. For my first Mother’s Day, we spent the whole day in traffic a 12 hour drive home from visiting his god daughter before her family moved to China. Neither year came with any sort of gift, card, or meal. So he felt like he “owed me,” his words, not mine.

We went all out last year for his first Father’s Day but he was displeased because he’s the type of person who wants you to ask him what he wants and then just execute it for him. A year later and he still gives me grief that I put stubble on the dad character of the custom daddy-daughter book I got him.

I asked him 6 weeks in advance what he wanted and wanted to do this year. He said, “let me think about it.” He changed his mind several times. Most recently was Friday. He sent me a Facebook event saying “I would love to do this if you’re up for it!” Then later that night he brought up a different event held on Saturday saying, “it would be nice to go to this but it’s going to be like $200 and that’s before parking.” The way he said it made me think he was shutting it down.

He sleeps the morning away yesterday and then gives me attitude because I “didn’t even try” to get us to the $200 event. I said he could still do the event he sent me on Facebook for Sunday and he said “I don’t actually care about that.”

As we’re going to bed he says his favorite bakery is advertising mini father’s day cakes. I ask if he wants one and he says yes. So this morning I’m getting dressed to go get a cake with my daughter while he sleeps in. He wakes up and asks why we’re dressed. I tell him and he says he don’t waste our money on cake. I ask if he’d like me to get him breakfast from there anyways and he says “don’t waste your time on trash like me.”

At this point he’s flat out told me to ignore Father’s Day. On one hand, I want to comply. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. On the other hand, I don’t want to spend the next year hearing about how I put in zero effort for Father’s Day when he went all out for Father’s Day. Especially when he’s been sitting on his ass all week while I’m 6 months pregnant, working full time, and running myself ragged keeping the house going while also dealing with regular, prolonged stints of hypoglycemia. I’m pouring myself out day in and day out. And I don’t really want to be labeled a “shitty wife” for not fawning over someone who won’t appreciate my Father’s Day efforts.

My husband made plans for us to meet up for a fire with a friend after I got out of work. I told him “I’m ordering sandwiches to eat. Do you guys want anything?” He insisted no. I placed the order online for an easy in, easy out on our way there.

As we’re pulling up to pick up my order, he hands me his phone and says, “actually, can you go in and order this for [friend]?” Annoying, but fine.

Then, as I’m about to pay, he calls me. “Hey I placed an online order for myself 2 minutes ago. Can you grab it for me on your way out?” Well they have 12 tickets hanging on the line and it looks like 3 more hanging off the printer. I ask when the app says it’ll be ready: 20 minutes, “but it should be ready now. I ordered it already.” It is THE DINNER RUSH.

You could have decided on food when I placed the order. You could have asked me to order for you when you asked me to order for our friend. You could have called while I was inside and asked me to order. Why would you place an ONLINE ORDER when I am literally right here ordering?

I guess the silver lining is I get to sit here on my phone in the AC while he is stuck in the car with the melting down toddler

My husband spent the later half of last week and all of the weekend being a giant dickhead. Like top-tier level douche taking every minor inconvenience and frustration out on me and our daughter. Then he’d feel bad, apologize, sulk in self-loathing, and inevitably repeat the cycle the next time something bothered him.

By the time his birthday rolled around yesterday, he flaked on the people he made plans with (leaving me to have to face them and explain why he’s not there when they came to see him for his birthday), took a depression nap, got up and immediately took a second one when he realized the fallout his week of tantrums left me with, and finally decided he wanted to try and enjoy the day at 4pm. But for as much fun as we could have, he kept lamenting that he was an idiot who ruined his own birthday.

I happened to have taken today off to do my gestational diabetes test. Last time, it knocked me the fuck out and I called out of work afterwards. This time I planned ahead. I figured, it saves me a sick day if I need it, and if I feel good, then I get a spontaneous me day.

The minute my husband realized I was home today he was like “oh good! A birthday do-over with my wife!” Um… no. You chose to be a total dick and ruin your own birthday. I just had 50g of straight glucose for breakfast after being up late and overnight with our daughter. Today is a sleep it off day at worst and a catch up on chores day at best. You don’t get to demand my time and dictate a day I set aside for my health and well being. Who the fuck do you think you are?

Our daughter is extremely sick right now. She had a 102 fever before bed that went down with Tylenol but at 1am it had jumped to 104.6. It took 2 hours to get her to sleep and the fever down to a lower temp. She slept in 3 extra hours today and woke with a mild 100.5 fever. She’s been very fussy and cranky since waking.

I am working from home. My husband is unemployed so he’s home taking care of her.

I was in a meeting (passive for me, camera off) when I get multiple texts and a call from him. I assume it’s an emergency about our daughter so I go on mute and answer it.

He says, “I’m sorry to bother you but this is extremely important.” He then goes on about how he just sent me a news clip about a gas station scam going around our area and if anyone ever offers to pump my fuel for me, don’t take them up on it. He then explains how the scam works.

Are you fucking kidding me? This is what you’re considering so “extremely important” that you can’t even walk the 20 feet to knock on my door? You have to call me? When I’m A) not even in the car let alone getting gas and B) perfectly capable or watching the video and reading the texts you sent. Plus, I would never let someone pump gas for me because that’s abnormal in this area.

Would you do something like this if I was working in an office?

I know he didn’t know I was in a meeting, but what in his brain makes him think this was call level urgent?

Last night, as I was putting her to bed, my daughter spent 15 minutes asking me questions and responding with “why?” to everything I said. My husband had to take over before I snapped.

It did not let up this morning. I was treated with more “why’s” over breakfast.

She’s never said the word before in her life and went 0-100 in what feels like a literal blink of an eye.

Pray for me because I think my sanity is about to get the hardest test since the 4 month sleep regression

Seriously? I cannot with this man.

We thought our daughter was having a mild allergic reaction to my SIL’s dog (husband is also allergic). But then we got a call from daycare that she hadn’t peed all day and she had a mild fever. Off to the doctor we go- it’s hand, foot, and mouth 😫

My husband is unemployed but we send her to daycare for socialization and to give him time to job hunt/do chores that are harder to do when she’s around (also because we don’t want to lose our spot and end up on another 14 month waitlist when he gets a new job).

Pediatrician said, “it looks like the rash is just starting. You’ll want to keep her out until the lesions scab over.” Daycare said she can come back when she’s fever free for 24 hours and in good enough spirits to resume daily activities.

As we’re pulling into the driveway after our appointment, he tells me, “we’re paying for daycare. She’s going to daycare tomorrow. I’m not losing my off day.” Like… hello… she is clearly miserable. I was up all night with her crying. She’s complaining her mouth hurts. Sure, she doesn’t have a fever, but her rash could get worse and she’s clearly not ready to be participating in regular activities. Your child is clearly feeing unwell and needs to rest. That alone should be enough.

There’s also the fact that she’s highly contagious. She could get others sick! “I pay good money for the luxury of spreading disease.” Ok yes I get that that was a joke, but also, you don’t pay anything. I pay good money and I will be damned if I make another poor parent (one who might not have an unemployed SAHP or Flex Time off) take time off work to keep their kid home because we gave them HFMD.

How fucking self centered and obtuse can you be?!

Your first reaction to this post will probably be “your husband sucks and needs to step up.” So let me start by saying I already know that. I’m not here to make excuses, just lament.

Our apartment is a disaster. It’s shag carpeting from the 80’s that full of my shedding hair. It’s disgusting but I can’t vacuum because of the clutter everywhere. We’ve lived her for 16 months and never fully unpacked.

Toddler toys are everywhere. The kitchen table is half full of shit. So many bags and boxes of seasonal items that need to go down to storage but never make it. And mail/pperwork is strewn everywhere because my husband just piles it up on the coffee table or any surface near the couch he can and then my toddler gets to it. I tried implementing a mail system but he loaded that up with junk mail.

We need to start clearing out and making space for baby 2. In general we need to clean period. But I work full time and do most of the daily chores (cooking, groceries, cleaning up from dinner, bath and bed for the toddler). By the end of each day I’m exhausted and don’t have energy to fold laundry or clean up toys let alone vacuum and deep clean.

My husband is unemployed and the SAHP on the days my daughter is not in daycare. And yet, he barely does anything. That doesn’t stop him from bitching about how messy the house is. Thankfully he doesn’t blame me, he just doesn’t have the drive to do anything about it.

I have been telling him for months that if I had someone to occupy our toddler during the weekend, I could get so much cleaning done. But he won’t do it and he always says the house is too messy for anyone else to come over. By some miracle, I got him to agree to have my mom come over today. Everything was good to go and I was looking forward to the help.

Well guess who woke up super sick. Despite not having a fever, he insists he’s got one and is contagious so he’s not comfortable with people coming over.

So that’s it. Months of trying to get some help and the day I finally get relief, it all comes crumbling down. It’s funny to me that he always gets sick when we have set plans I’m looking forward to. But every time it’s something he wants, he manages to be healthy as a horse.

I should have learned my lesson last year when my husband procrastinated on installing our AC units and left me to get heatstroke during a 105° heatwave while he worked in an air conditioned office. But I didn’t.

So here we are, our second heatwave of the year. In my mind, it’s still too early for ACs to be installed because I want to capitalize on the cooler days to have the windows open. But after the first heatwave earlier this spring, I told my husband that we needed to get one of those standing fans for my office because it is a tiny, closet-like room with zero airflow or ceiling fan and you can feel the 5-10° difference by just walking out into the hallway. I am also historically intolerant of the heat and am currently pregnant. He said he was on board, just find one and we’ll talk about it. I looked online because I wanted one of those quiet, standing fans that oscillate (I’m on calls all day) but according to him, $50-70 is too much.

We’re in heatwave number 2 now and it’s currently 90° in my office. In a desperate attempt, I look on marketplace. Someone has a fan similar to the style I’m looking for. $25 cash, can be picked up now, 2 miles away. I go to my husband and say, “hey, this guy has a fan like the expensive ones we looked at but significantly less. Are you cool with me buying it and would you be willing to pick it up today for me since I have meetings for the rest of the afternoon?”

Here’s where he went from being annoyingly frugal to rage-inducing cheap. First he asks, “you really want this?” I remind him I’ve been talking about getting a fan for weeks. Then he asks, “and you want me to pick it up for you?” Well yeah… I’m dying in here and have back to back meetings for the rest of the day. “So this is the one you want to get?” Well it’s the only one available at a price you’re willing to pay. And it’s local. But I’d rather buy a new one. And the questions start to repeat themselves over and over with the only break in the repetition is him saying “I don’t see why you can’t just use one of the box fans from the garage.”

Eventually I just stormed out saying no I don’t want the fan and I don’t want him to get it so just forget I even brought it up. But, of course, that was met with a “what? I was just asking!”

For someone who hasn’t worked for the last 7 months and is dragging his feet on actually submitting for his unemployment payments, he has some pretty big opinions when it comes to me wanting to spend a small bit of the money I bring in on my own comfort.

I have been gluten free for the last 3 years for medical reasons. Our wedding was gluten free, my baby shower was gluten free, every holiday we have with his family they make something gluten free. This is not news to anyone. I have also had a severe shellfish allergy since I was 10. So, again… not new news.

There was a funeral yesterday and his aunt held a luncheon after at her house. I didn’t have time to eat before because the whole thing was right in the middle of nap time and my husband was reading. So I spent what would have been “lunch time” unsuccessfully fighting to try and get a toddler down early.

We decided we were going to skip the luncheon after because she didn’t nap. I’m still so confused as to what happened but somehow we ended up there anyways. Appetizers come out and there’s salad, fried broccoli bite things, cocktail shrimp, and chicken wings marinated in beer.

The main courses come out and there’s chicken in a sauce thickened by flour, battered and fried fish, and shrimp & rice.

As I’m looking over the entree options, his aunt and mom say “oh you can’t eat the chicken or fish but you can eat rice, right?” I said, “yeah I can eat rice but I’m allergic to shellfish.”

His aunt rolls his eyes and says “so what CAN you eat?” At which point his cousin pipes up and says, “you can have some of the chicken nuggets we’re making for the kids.”

Like, I would happily eat the chicken if you used cornstarch instead of flour. Or the fish if you didn’t fry it. Or the wings if you just grilled them like a normal human instead of marinating them in beer.

But no, I get snarky comments about being a picky eater and to chase around an overtired toddler for 6 hours on nothing but salad mix and blueberries. Also, who holds a 6 HOUR post-funeral lunch- especially when there are going to be multiple toddlers and babies there?!?

When we had our first, we had no idea what we were doing and didn’t start the daycare process until she was 5 months old (my husband had 2 months left on leave). We ended up on a daycare waitlist that was 12 months long.

Fast forward and we are pregnant with number 2. I’m 4 months along. We are planning on splitting our leaves again to have 7 months at home with the baby. We officially put our daycare request in for baby number 2. I figure if I have another 5 months until term and then we have 7 months of leave, we should be good, right?

NOPE. Our new spot isn’t open until 2028. Our baby will be a toddler by the time they start. Which means I need to figure out a plan for 9 months of childcare. With our oldest, we used my in laws, but family situations have changed and they have their hands full with our niece and my SIL’s dogs so that’s not an option.

At this point, if we decide to have a third, I’m just going to reserve a spot once we start trying. If I wasn’t the breadwinner, I’d quit today and be a SAHM because I’m left with no other option.

As I sit here with my toddler screaming and crying because I cannot humanly pour milk into her cereal fast enough and there’s a piece of her dinner she didn’t want within her eyesight, I have to wonder…

Did Mary deal with this stuff? Did toddler Jesus go through picky phases where everything you offered Him was met with “no!”? Was He inconsolable until you deciphered his baby gibberish? Did she live that season of life where it feels like you’re always trying to play catchup because every time she tried to get a chore done, He’d get into something He wasn’t supposed to? Was there a time in life she had to share every single food on her plate to get Him to eat? I know for toddlers it’s not misbehaving. It’s just trying to understand the world around them. Was Jesus the same way?

Did Mary get to enjoy the backwards lap sits? The delight of hearing her toddler toddler singing songs to Himself? What did it sound like to hear that little voice say “I love you?”

I know Jesus is fully God, but He is also fully human. And I can’t help but wonder if He was the perfect unicorn child or your average 2 year old.