r/CatholicWomen

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months who I thought I was going to marry. The healing process has been okay, and I’ve delved deeper into Scripture and prayer to try and understand what God wants for me and my future.

I thought me and my ex were leading each other closer towards God. We attended and served in Mass together (we met while altar serving), we were involved in coordinating the altar server ministry, we prayed together. We were planning on starting the Bible in a Year podcast together once he came back from vacation. He ended up breaking up with me while he was on vacation. Ever since then, he’s quit the coordinating we were part of, stopped altar serving as much, etc. He wants nothing to do with me. A very sudden and confusing change especially since he was so sure of our relationship before the vacation. And the reason for the breakup was very confusing as well. He suddenly couldn’t handle the “pressure” of both me and his parents (who can be very controlling at times), and suddenly decided he missed who he was before me.

Anyways, throughout our relationship and now I’ve been praying for clarity for my future. And I’m worried that marriage isn’t what God has planned for me, but that’s all that I’ve wanted since I was young. This is my second breakup within very serious relationships, and both men have cut off contact completely all of a sudden and wanted nothing to do with me. I’m finding comfort in God but it hurts that I want to be a wife so badly and the men that I’ve been with haven’t been committed to working through our problems and have given up on me. It makes me feel so unlovable, even though I know that’s not true.

To make matters even worse, today I saw my first ex in public. The only other time I’d ever seen him since the break up was Valentine’s Day this year. It’s bugging me that I’ve only run into him once on Valentine’s Day and another time very shortly after my breakup with another man. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but I’m hoping it’s just a weird coincidence. I’ve moved on but it hurts that, like every other time, today he completely avoided me.

During Mass, I find myself begging God for the right man to show interest in me, which I know I shouldn’t do. I’m just feeling so awful because I’ve wanted a marriage for so long and I can’t help but compare. My mom was already married at my age, a few of my friends are engaged, and the ones who aren’t have very loving, committed boyfriends. I try to be grateful though. The relationship I just got out of was going to be a burden for me for the rest of my life, but I did want to build that life with him. And yet it seems like nobody wants me or maybe God just doesn’t want it for me, and I’m scared that I’m not meant to get married.

I know this is long, I just had no where else to say this.

I grew up devoutly religious. Like believing wholly in God's plan. A little too much. I had aunts her were nuns and uncles who were priests. A very Catholic surrounding.

This way of thinking kept me in a poor relationship for far too long. I realize that I pushed my needs completely aside believing this is where God wanted me to be, etc. There were so many things that I felt were signs from God which kept me in the relationship. Overtime this relationship depressed me excessively.

Admittedly, I have begun to lose my faith now in my mid 30s.

What has helped you keep your faith? Anyone experience similar poor life experiences that made you lose faith overtime?

i just want to rant a little bit. my fiance and i have been together for 5 years. he proposed a year and a half ago. we live together since i only came back to the church a year ago, we’d been cohabbing for around 2 years previously.

anyways, since my reversion my fiance and i are planning on getting married in the church. (he’s not catholic btw) and let me tell you this process has been so disheartening. they changed programs half way through our process and didn’t tell us. we’d been looking for a sponsor couple for months since that’s what we’d been told previously, and right after we found one the said we didn’t need them. the entire office is impossible to reach, i want to know how much it costs to rent the parish hall, and i’ve emailed them 3 times in two weeks and tried calling but was left on hold for 10 + minutes. my parish also requires NFP to get married but i quite frankly don’t feel comfortable tracking cervical mucus or taking temperatures every day, im more likely to fall short on completing it and messing numbers up. i’m very fortunate to have a very regular cycle, tracking it should be enough. i almost don’t want to get married anymore, at least through the church. please send me your prayers because i need all of the patience i can possibly get.

I’m from a fairly conservative Asian country. I’m a woman in her mid-thirties and have been married for 2 years. I dated my husband for a year before marriage.

I was clear about my boundaries regarding pre-marital physical intimacy. Perhaps I was a bit extreme. I did not agree to ever visit his house where he lived alone. So we never really had any truly alone time, where it was just the two of us.

My husband is also Catholic, and as a person, a much better Christian than I am. He’s kind, patient and a good person in general. He however does not subscribe to abstaining from pre-marital sex, although he’s never had sex before either. While he did not understand my belief, he respected it. I know it was frustrating for him but he never forced touch before marriage.

We had an argument a week before our wedding where he said he’d suppressed all of his desires and wasn’t sure if he’d be as keen to have sex as a healthy individual should. Somehow we glossed over this conversation and got married.

After we got married, he initiated sex a few times but I was always too afraid of penetration. Several times I pushed him away from between my legs. Or my thighs would stiffen and I’d just block him out.

I felt horrible. So disappointed and horrible. And although he didn’t voice out anything, I know it was a difficult experience for him too.

Eventually he stopped trying. I was afraid to initiate, because I was not sure I would get anxious at the time of penetration. We just… stopped.

Almost a year after we got married, I was diagnosed with vaginismus. No prior sexual abuse or anything, just the warnings about sex etc that I was taught as a child. Where I’m from, these things aren’t talked about and I’d never heard the condition before. I went to therapy and slowly started getting more comfortable with dilators my therapist prescribed. I still did clench though. I was better but not fully over the fear.

We tried again in November last year. For the first time ever, he was able to penetrate. Just a very little bit in. I still resisted a bit but it was a huge win for me.

And since then, we’ve had no sexual contact. In general post marriage, I’ve mostly been the one to initiate hugs and kisses. He hasn’t. It confused and hurt me.

We spoke about it today. He says he’s faced rejection too many times from me that he doesn’t feel like trying anymore. That the prospect of sex with me feels like a project, where he has to navigate several anxieties about my own fears and trying to calm me down. He says it doesn’t feel natural to him. And that he’s suppressed sexual needs for so long that it’s just part of life for him.

I feel so broken. I’m so lonely for touch. I tried to honour God by not engaging in pre marital relations and can’t help but feel betrayed that this is now my life. I’m envious of couples for whom sex is beautiful and natural.

To make matters worse, during a medical examination a year ago, I was told that I’m likely infertile and that if I wanted children, I’d need to have them as soon as possible.

I love my husband. And I think he still loves me too. He is not interested in couples’ therapy. I don’t know what to do.

I’m hurt and angry and ashamed and so confused.

I'm an older GenX Catholic woman married to a Catholic older GenX man. About the time I started back covering a weekly adoration hour at my parish, I started a faith journey with the question--can I be both a Catholic wife and a feminist and it so--what would that look like? I'll start with where I am and my questions for the group and put some background at the end for those who need it.

1. I read the St. Paul hit parade on marriage, St. John Paul II's writings on Theology of the Body, women and marriage as well as Catholic/Christian marriage commentators from across the spectrum. Stripping things down to how I feel as a women, St. John Paul's theology spoke to me. I like that hubby and I are equal partners but as woman and man we love each other in a wonderfully different way.

2. I love being a woman and I love my (non-toxic) masculine man. I find beauty in Ephesians 5:21+ love partnership and even 1 Corinthians 11 when I read them with a modern lens. For example, with headship, I have no issue with my husband being my man and protector and me trusting and respecting my husband more. However, the traditional head of household model is just not us.

3. Through this I've felt a call to veiling, and I wear veils to mass and adoration. To the extent that I in the image of God am the glory of my man, that's fine. He's awesome.

4. I do wish that he would take more of a leadership role in our family partnership. He is an Ephesians man, but he's also used to be being strong and I do a lot of day-to-day leading. I'm tired. I talked with him about it and he's willing but I can tell that he doesn't know where to start.

My questions: Has anyone else gone on a similar faith journey or faced similar issues?Any advice or any good resources for helping us navigate this?

Thank you. Here's our background for those who want it:

I have feminist leanings and was raised by awesome devout Catholic parents--an accomplished rural church lady mother with feminist leanings but believed in lipstick and big hair and a Texan dad who loved her fiercely from the day he met her to the day she died. I was lucky to find a guy like my dad when I was in my late 20s and we've been married over 25 years. We are true partners and he's not one of those guys who wants to make me small so he can be a big man. We both work and had MIL help with the kids when they were young. I have no complaints over the division of labor, etc. Over the years, I've worked on being less bossy and he has worked on taking on more planning roles. Neither of us have any desire to fuction in the rad trad lifestyle.

Hi all, just heard a friend's 4-day-old baby is in serious condition, had to be airlifted to hospital and is expected to undergo surgery imminently. Any and all prayers you can say for him and his baby would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Update: he's out of the woods for now, stable enough to avoid surgery in the short term. Thank you all so much for your prayers - his parents and grandparents all said to say thank you as well!

My fiancé and I are getting married soon and I’ll be moving to the state he is currently living in. We are facing an issue with balancing time with each other vs with friends. He has more friends in the new state since he’s been there longer and loves to have time with the guys while we’re at a party together, but I don’t have friends to hang out with there.

I don’t really fit in with the women - most of them have kids and kinda keep to themselves or talk about baby stuff. But then the men (including my fiancé) start disappearing from the co-ed group and go off to their own conversation separately. That leaves me with no one to talk to most of the time and an empty feeling, like I have to find something to keep busy while I try not to feel left out by my fiance who is just trying his best to balance his time with me vs others. It would be weird for me to go up and join the guys’ conversation, but I usually would rather do what the men are doing rather than the women.
I wish it were easier for me to join in on their conversations sometimes while still letting my fiance enjoy time with just the men on occasion. He shouldn’t have to choose between me or them, but the social situations we are in always force him to choose and then feel guilty no matter what he does. I don’t want that for him or for me.

Once I live there and have friends of my own, I’m sure it’ll get better, but I still feel weird about the men disappearing and having the good conversations I wish I could be a part of and the women being left to figure out something else to do.

He is always happy to spend time with me, but I still feel guilty for keeping him from his friends. It seems like we’ve tried everything and can’t figure this issue out. Please help us!

Marriage is mine. I’m already married. I also feel called to motherhood, but have no living children, just five miscarriages that happened years before we converted. So I’m heartbroken over that and have no idea how, if, or when I’m going to raise children.

But anyway, what are your callings? How are you fulfilling them?

This is probably a dumb question but I kind of need some help.
So when I get into something, I go all in and it’s my main focus. It’s really hard for me to priorities multiple things. Just how my brain works.

I’m currently on a fitness journey and my goal is to lose 25-30 pounds by the end of the year. I’m going to the gym 4x a week and walking every single day.

I’ve noticed lately I’ve been listening to more secular music while working out, I haven’t been praying my divine office, and I haven’t gone to mass every day (I used to go daily and lately it’s only been 2 or so times during the week)

I’m so wanting to get in shape, feel healthy, and allow the Holy Spirit to dwell in a healthy vessel. But I really do believe I’m starting to slowly put it above my faith and I don’t wanna do that, obviously.

I will say, I do at least go to church in the morning and say prayers before I go on my walks. But slowly I stopped doing that.

Any tips are appreciated

Edit: I’d like to add that I do rest. This isn’t absolutely consuming my life. Im just noticing that my focus has been shifting a bit and I’m having a difficult time balancing the 2

Hello I want to start out by saying I was a Protestant converting to Catholic. I started my journey back in January although my husband started a few years ago. I prayed a lot about it and attended my first mass back in January and felt this presence and peace it was amazing I felt at home . I started to research and pray more and continue on the journey . I signed up for OCIA class but it starts in September. Anyways in the mean time we have been attending a few different parishes and doing lots of research. My husband has a lot of hesitation and I’m struggling . He wants to go back to Protestant ( I don’t think he want to really ) but we have read a concerning amount of molesting cases in our states parishes/ dioceses and I’m really starting to get worried. I have 3 young kids. We had my son enrolled in a catholic school next year but ended up pulling him out due to a case back in 2021 they had 2 priest get fired due to it in the parish… is it that bad of a problem?! I can’t help but think satan is trying to keep up away and my husband is taking the bate but it’s a hard argument to make when it could involve my children’s safety ….HELP!?!?

In light of Ms. Swift’s upcoming nuptials at MSG of all places, I was wondering what ultra minimalist Catholic women have done for the simplest (and cheapest) possible weddings. This is all purely theoretical to me never having been married, but I always wondered if there is a Catholic equivalent of getting married at City Hall? or eloping? How did you keep it simple with a church ceremony involved? Did you serve cake and punch? Get a $50 dress off Amazon? tell me your story.

I feel like everyone I’ve heard that uses the Marquette method strongly recommends taking a class and I’m trying to understand why? The method is already very expensive and my understanding is you really just pee on a stick every morning. Is it really worth taking a class and is there anything valuable that you can’t get out of just doing some research on the method?

For c section mama's, what are we doing after being cleared for intimacy but before our cycle returns? Is the answer to abstain since we can't track? My doctor told me to wait 18 months before conceiving again due to the risk of incision opening or uterine rupture.

I just need to vent. I've been interested in converting to Catholicism for several years now and what's held me back is lack of support from my parents, especially my dad. Even though I am a full grown adult and nearly 30, I still live at home and my parents are paying for me to return to college, which I'm very grateful for, of course.

I knew I would have a hard time with my dad expressing my growing interest in Catholicism as he is a spiritual/new age person and very strongly Anti-Christian from experiences he has as a child. When I first brought my interest in converting up to him he was very upset and blamed it on my Christian friend influencing me (my friend is Protestant btw and my interest in Catholicism preceded him by a couple years and has nothing to do with him). My dad has said its just a phase, I'm only interested in the "aesthetic" of Catholicism and he brings up all his negative childhood experiences almost every time I've brought up something sympathetic to Christianity. My parents are actively new age and occult and try to steer me away from the Church any chance they get, they try to encourage me to be as I was before, which was a new age pagan, I was completely miserable, lost and confused living that lifestyle and its sad to be that my dad is so willing to be anti-Christian that he would rather steer me into sin than try to be supportive

It's sad because I feel like I have been wanting to do OCIA for years now and I keep seeing Church life and feeling left out, as if I'm being held back from my spiritual calling. I've also grown so much as a person since being Christian in my heart and I would have hoped the fruits of my evolving beliefs would show my parents that being Christian has been good for me and my life, I've never tried to convert them and I avoid discussing religion with them beyond a surface level because my dad always becomes passive aggressive and condescending when I bring it up

It also makes me wonder how my parents would be as grandparents- I wouldn't want them to be disrespectful about Christianity in front of my future children ):

I don't think God would want be to defy my parents and disrespect them, and I've decided to wait to convert until I leave home, I just feel disappointed and I wish my parents could be supportive, I feel guilty about wanting to be Catholic which feels wrong and unfair.

Please pray for me and my family!

Hi everyone,

I was confirmed this past Easter. I have been a habitual self-pleaser since I was roughly 9-11 years old. I was able to kick pornography, but the self-pleasing on its own has felt completely impossible to quit. When I was deeply depressed (before my conversion) a couple of years ago/last year I would do it for hours on end and even leave public places so I could go home and do it. I’ve definitely slowed from that but it’s still a frequent issue. This week was my record (1 full week). I’m in confession every week (often multiple times) and I have hardly ever been able to receive communion. It’s such a frustrating cycle and I feel like I cannot win. I’ll fully commit to quitting, have no desire to do it, and then something will come over me and I just cannot tolerate sitting with the urge. Yet, the guilt, shame, and disgust in the comedown is so overwhelming and I’m constantly in fear if I die I’ll go to hell. It genuinely feels like madness and I feel like I’m not ever going to be able to stop. I have a spiritual director but honestly I don’t think it’s been very helpful (I can see him once every couple of months for 20 mins and I feel like it’s the same thing every time). If anyone has any advice it would be very appreciated. I think what I find most challenging is being able to tolerate the physical feeling of horniness lack of a better term, sometimes for hours on end, and not get any relief from the feeling without self-pleasing.

(Trigger warning rape)

I am 20 and 30 weeks pregnant with a baby conceived from rape. It's been a rough ride obviously. I had to move back in with my parents and pretty much all I do is work and sleep.

I want to start by saying I've always wanted a family and to find a traditional husband. I did a complete 180 now. This pregnancy has been HORRIBLE, I'm having issues on top of issues. I don't ever want to be pregnant ever again so I'm not even thinking about getting married anymore.

I've been very open and have been planning to raise baby myself. I think it's so important to keep babies with mothers if possible (breastmilk is so important too). But I'm having a hard time with that now and I'm thinking of not keeping baby.

First I have absolutely no connection at all. In fact seeing babies now feels me with disgust. Every maternal urge I had before is completely gone and I can't even imagine holding my child. It freaks and icks me out. I want to rip out of my own body when I feel the kicks and I keep crying to just be left alone. I daydream of baby or me dying so I don't have to do this. (Not like I want to kill myself or baby just that it would naturally happen) horrible I'm aware but I feel no end to my suffering.

Second. I'm in a terrible environment to raise a child. My parents are hoarders and it's not like TLC Hoarders show bad but there is stuff piled up everywhere and they also take on too many projects and work to keep up with anything. I can't just throw out their stuff and I've said before we need to clean the house and take stuff off our plate or I'm leaving. They don't care. We have a little farm and the work is too much for them but they won't lighten the load. Another thing, my stepdad is mentally declining. I won't let this man near me let alone my child. He can't even remember simple training for our house dog and is ruining his previous training. He's super disrespectful and has been abusive to me in the past. He is one of those trad Catholic men who thinks being "head of the household" means you get to be a dictator. It's only getting worse with the mental decline of early dementia and im scared of the future. Both my mom and I have been advised from a priest to redirect him to better habits and conversations without disrespecting his authority... it's not going well. I'm depressed and miserable here to the point I've been in the ER for panic attacks.

Third. I live with them because I can't afford anything on my own and I also can't do this alone. I don't have any mom friends to get me through this. Living alone is too expensive and I would need to also pay for childcare then. I make enough money that I don't qualify for government assistance but I make little enough money I need help. I've been told about unwed mother homes and honestly that sounds so awful. I'm already in misery, I want to be somewhere nice which beggars can't be choosers but I want dignity in this. There seems to be very little resources in my area and I live over an hour from the nearest city. I don't even have a Walmart in my town.

Forth. I've tried dating since I got pregnant. I still feel like a want/need a husband. I don't want to be pregnant again but I know the circumstances could be making this experience so much worse. I just want to be held and comforted. I wish I had a dad I could run to or a husband. I really don't even have friends. Nobody even checks up on me. God definitely designed this system for a married couple to have children, it's so hard to do alone and I cry for my husband although one doesn't exist in my life.

I've been thinking about adoption but I also don't want to give baby to some random people? (It's very contradictory to wanting to flee my own skin I know)
But it's basically like I feel I want/could to do this if I had the proper support and help. But it's not there so I'm drowning. I don't know what to do at all. I want to give baby the best life, breastfeeding, baptism, knowing that baby will be loved. But I'm not even able to feel love currently and my household is not place for love either.
I cry in pain everyday and I just want to lay down and have it all go away.
Anyway sorry for the long post there is more I'd want to say but this is the important stuff.
God bless. Deus vult❤️

Any female MDs who got married in the church? Mr and Dr or Mr and Mrs? Ty!