u/Loose_Win_1594

So I’m mostly posing this question to married women, but anyone is free to offer their opinion.
But basically I have a boyfriend of 1.5 years, we plan to get married in one year. At the start of our relationship I was still quite immature and so I made some mistakes. Without going into too many detail bcs thats not what this post is about, when we first started dating I was still friends with some guys that have previously shown they liked me/ I liked them. But at the time that we started dating those feelings were gone so I just assumed it was still okay to keep the friendships going. Back then I didnt tell my boyfriend these things because I didnt want to worsen his anxiety which he had a lot of (he kept thinking I’m going to leave him). It was very stupid and immature of me, and I have learnt a lot from those mistakes. I told him everything a couple months ago and we moved on from the situation (those friendships fizzled out by then anyway).

Now, I have also developed scrupulosity in the past 9 months. I am even going to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed for OCD.
But now I am at a point where I overthink anyyy interaction I have with any man who isn’t my boyfriend.
To be clear I never and would never do anything to jepordise our relationship, I have 0 intention of even slightly flirting with another man or anything like that.
But I started an office job (internship) 2 months ago and there are a lot of interactions with men. Anytime there is a man who is conventionally attractive I instantly go into a spiral of anxiety “Did I cheat on my boyfriend because I found that guy attractive? Do I have a crush on him?” etc
It has now gotten to a point where I have interactions with men who I don’t even find attractive that i second guess my intentions. For example, today I met a coworker who is very keen on sharing his work with me which is a great opportunity because his team is one that I would really like to move into. But I have so much anxiety/guilt around meeting him for i genuinely don’t even know what reason?

I always got along with men better than women because I grew up with my cousins who were all boys and their friends, so its also natural for me to be friends with men. But now I feel like I cant without feeling like I’m cheating.

My boyfriend has said he only cares if I flirt with other men (which again I have 0 intention of doing), and he doesnt have a problem with me being friends with men or anything like that.
I honestly dont even know what my question is, I guess just like in marriage what counts as cheating aside from the obvious?
If you’re at work and you have a slight crush on someone (I just mean you find them attractive and maybe get a rush of dopamine when they talk to you, not that you fantasize about them or act on this crush in any way) how do you deal with it?
I feel like I avoid any man who I might find attractive which then makes it into a bigger thing than it is and yeah honestly I just feel like I’m going crazy. I’m second-guessing each thought/intention i have.
Its led me to have thoughts like “I should just break up with my boyfriend he clearly deserves someone better” even though I can’t explain how much I love him and how dead inside I would be if we broke up.

So this might be a weird question but I’m learning more about modesty and I just realised us catholics never talk about who we have to cover up around and who we dont have to with.
I know that in general we should dress modestly, for me that means I try to wear things up to my knees, no big clevage, nothing too tight etc.
But what about if we are in a room full of just women? Or if we’re just around family?
Whenever my best friend comes over I dress comfortably, I dont think about covering myself up because.. we’re both women. But is that definetly okay?

For example, in Islam the rules are very clear. You know exactly who you have to be modest around and who you dont have to be modest around.
I’m struggling with the lack of clear direction.

Another question is, what about things like hamam baths where its a bunch of women who are all naked in one bath? Or things like bellydancers who only dance around women. Obviously these things are not supposed to be provocative, they’re supposed to be relaxing or fun.

My only worry with that is well what if there’s a woman who’s attracted to women and is Christian so doesn’t want to act on it.

Also again with family, do we have to dress modestly around male family members? I mean close ones like brothers, uncles even cousins.

Sorry if this is scrupulous, I feel like theres not much information on this. Are we just supposed to follow societal norms?

So I just found out that usury is still condemned by the Catholic Church. There is some debate about what usury actually is though. The annoying thing is that there really isn’t a lot of information out about this. This is crazy to me because the majority of catholics have mortages or other loans. I mean even the vatican does and Catholic Institutions. But still no one can give a clear answer as to why interest on loans is not usury anymore.

Also, I work in a bank, so I’m now unsure if me working there is problematic because if banks are sinful, then I wouldnt want to help them out.

So I’m not gonna lie I’m doing pretty badly. I’m not really sure what to do. Basically I have been dealing with depression and anxiety related to faith for over 6 months now. I have been calling it scrupulosity but I havent been officially diagnosed for OCD or anything.

One of my biggest issues is intrusive thoughts. Today is especially hard. It usually goes like this: I have a thought that is really bad, I am unsure if i consented to the thought or not, I debate this thought over and over in my head. It usually doesnt get solved and I usually give in and just go to confession to confess it or something like that. For the past month ive been able to ignore some of the thoughts and just move on with my day.

But yesterday I remembered a thought I had maybe a week ago? Its a really bad one that I wont even say, but I also dont remember its contents exactly since its been some time now. I dont really remember the context of the thought, how I reacted to it or anything lime that. But now I am in constant debate over if I consented to it or if it was an intrusive thought. Anytime I come to the conclusion that it was intrusive, my brain doesnt let it go and as soon as I feel peace it asks “no but what if it wasnt and you dont confess it and you go to hell for it”.

The reason this is so hard to not give into is because obviously nothing is worth hell, so I think “well even if it wasnt a thought I wanted, I’d just rather go confession anyway just in case its not like Im missing anything out”

I know I’ll get replies saying that I need therapy, which I agree with. I actually do have a therapist but shes on holiday right now and I we just keep missing each other this month. Also Ill be honest I dont feel like I’m getting anything from her sessions in the first place (been with her for about 4/5 months now).
Im thinking about looking for a different therapist as well but i just feel like it’ll be a lot of draining trial and error.
I have also been to a doctor to diagnose me for OCD, but it wasnt a psychiatrist and she really didnt know anything about religious OCD. I cant afford a proper psychiatrist either.

Finally, I also usually talk to my boyfriend about these things, but this time I’m so ashamed of these thoughts that that is out of the question. So im pretty alone in this.

I’m either really mentally unwell or a really bad person in denial and its driving me crazy

Finally: if I don’t have OCD, then whats is wrong with me?

I’m really confused about this. The exact quote is: “The wife should love to remain at home, unless compelled by necessity to go out; and she should never presume to leave home without her husband's consent.”

I know theres also different translations. My thing is, this kind of paints a picture that a woman leaving the home to go to a park, or meet up with a friend or whatnot is a sin. It troubles me that a woman would HAVE to stay indoors unless she absolutely needed to go out.

I know this isnt the current catechism, but even for those ages back then this seems really strict? My problem isnt even with the asking your husband bit, because the quote insinuates that even if you have your husbands permission, you should still only leave out of necessity. That just sounds ridiculous even children dont have such a heavy burden, at least they can go out to play.
But the husband part is a bit worrying as well, what if someone had an abusive or controlling husband who never allowed his wife to leave the home.

Personally, I get depressed if im home too much, I truly dont see anything wrong with a woman even in the 16th century leaving her home to go for a walk or see a friend. The catechism is supposed to be something we can look to for guidance from God. I just dont know how to feel about this

Edit: let me make something clear, my confusion comes specifically from the first part about how a woman should only leave the home out of necessity. Please stop focusing so much on the husband part thats not the part I have an issue with. The quote says that EVEN if your husband agrees you should still only leave the home out of necessity. That just sits wrong with me because that would mean a wife going on a walk or to see her friend maybe even for a playdate with kids would be frowned upon which seems ridiculous

I’m really confused about this. The exact quote is: “The wife should love to remain at home, unless compelled by necessity to go out; and she should never presume to leave home without her husband's consent.”

I know theres also different translations. My thing is, this kind of paints a picture that a woman leaving the home to go to a park, or meet up with a friend or whatnot is a sin. It troubles me that a woman would HAVE to stay indoors unless she absolutely needed to go out.

I know this isnt the current catechism, but even for those ages back then this seems really strict? My problem isnt even with the asking your husband bit, because the quote insinuates that even if you have your husbands permission, you should still only leave out of necessity. That just sounds ridiculous even children dont have such a heavy burden, at least they can go out to play.
But the husband part is a bit worrying as well, what if someone had an abusive or controlling husband who never allowed his wife to leave the home.

Personally, I get depressed if im home too much, I truly dont see anything wrong with a woman even in the 16th century leaving her home to go for a walk or see a friend. The catechism is supposed to be something we can look to for guidance from God. I just dont know how to feel about this

Before I start I want to make it very clear that I am not a socialist or communist. I am Polish and know very well how much my people suffered under communism.

But I’m a bit confused about why the Church says no one can be catholic and even a moderate socialist. “no Catholic could subscribe even to moderate socialism” (Mater et Magistra 34)
But don’t we have some socialist policies that benefit us? Take one of the most Capitalist countries: USA. It has public schools.

Personally, I really dislike a lot of things that America does, and I live in Europe. I strongly*** ***believe in the availability of free healthcare.

I mentioned I’m polish and I will use Poland as an example because I really like a lot of our policies. Poland is a capitalistic country, but it has free healthcare, free schools and even free universities. It gives benefits to those who cant find a job, or those who have children and need extra money. My mum was given money from the government to help raise me, and currently my cousin has no job and receives benefits.
At the same time Poland is a Catholic country, where state and the Church work closely together.
Its not perfect, but better than many countries.

So my question is, why are these government benefits allowed in Catholicism. And why is socialism seen as evil even in moderation. Isnt it socialism that popularised some of these benefits? At least in the UK.

I might also just be confused by the political definitions, I admit I am not as well educated on this as I should be.

Also please if you are an American and are about to comment that healthcare shouldn’t be free dont even bother commenting we will fundamentally disagree and this isnt the post to argue about that.

Also, what can we believe in when we are frustrated with how everything is going? Elon Musk is now a trillionaire, that means the average person is closer to Jeff Bezos than Jeff Bezos is to Musk. We have been fed this lie that if there is a small group of rich people getting richer, their wealth will slowly trickle down to us. I laugh at this idea, they keep getting richer and we keep getting poorer. It feels like true capitalism inevitably leads down the road of everyone thinking “how can I maximise value for shareholders” instead of “how can I help the poor”

Hey, I posted a similar question before but basically I’m wondering what are your guidelines for modesty? I’m talking about everyday wear not what you wear for mass.

For mass specifically I choose to make sure I’m covered from knees to shoulders. But for outside of mass Im okay with showing shoulders.
My biggest struggle is making sure something isn’t too tight. When it comes to shirts its the most difficult. Im dealing with scrupulosity in general so anytime I wear a shirt I really overthink if its not too tight. I have a medium sized chest so no matter what shirt I wear you can tell I have boobs. But then I think are we really supposed to go to lengths to hide them as much as possible? Or is it enough if you just dont go out of your way to make them the centre of attention.
I’m just feeling a little discouraged because I really want to dress more modestly but then I just feel like I’m never modest enough unless I wear like abayas or something.

How do you know if something is too tight or short for you? For example in hot weather what kind of shorts do you wear? Yesterday was really hot and I had to find an outfit last minute so I just wore shorts that were finger end length. But today Im looking back at pictures my mum took and Im wondering if theyre not too short. Again this is kind of my scrupulosity because I really dont think I look immodest in those pictures, just more so not ticking the “no higher than knees” rule.

I just think I need some sort of a principal to follow. A priest told me to think “does this make me look like a beautiful person or a beautiful body part” but with my scrupulosity that just kind of made me overthink more..

I’m really confused on this topic. I know that the catechism talks about some people having to work for purposes like restaurants, sports centers etc. (CCC 2187).

But I guess I’m confused on what that means exactly and where we draw the line. I just feel bad that if I go to the cinema for example, I’m pushing the demand that causes others to work on Sunday.
At the same time it feels like the catechism permits it.

On the other hand, I do admit that if you take my logic far enough it will lead into really scrupulous thinking like is watching TV even allowed since technically someone has to work to schedule all the channels. Watching football would mean youre pushing demand for footballers to work. Even using electricity or wifi technically causes someone to work. So I do know that my logic is flawed, and I guess I’m asking where that line is. Or more why is work to facilitate leisure allowed. Its technically not a necessity.

I’m asking specifically because well I was already worried about this topic, but recently my friend booked us tickets to visit some palaces on a Sunday, and I’m even more worried now that because this is going to make ticket box people work and probably security. Also we will be on holiday so I’ll definitely have to go to restaurants to eat.

Overall, I’m just confused on why this is allowed according to the catechism. Isnt it more important that someone is able to rest that for someone else to go cinema or a restaurant or whatever it may be?

And yes I know I’ll get comments saying this is scrupulosity. I dont disagree, I have been dealing with it for months

I dont know why I’m so addicted to posting all my worries on this sub but here it goes again.

I’ve been dealing with scrupulosity for about 6 months now. I’ve tried talking to priests but I just can’t trust them because each time I spoke to a priest he said something that goes against the catechism which obvi made me distrustful of anything else they said.

I’m scared scrupulosity will ruin my future. Basically, I’m 20 and in university. Im in the middle of my studies and I did this thing where you take a year off to work somewhere, and then you come back for the final year.
Well I got this really amazing job for this year, I mean so amazing that I would be able to buy a house (with a mortgage ofc) as soon as I graduate if I save all of the money I earn. Not only that, I just geniuenly enjoy working there and its overall a great opportunity.

The problem is, I lied during the application process. It wasnt a huge lie like saying I worked somewhere that I didnt, but the typical exaggeration of role title or the experiences I had in a job.
For example, I said I was team leader in a restaurant when I was actually a waitress. Or that I did a certain project that I didnt do in an internship. Stuff like that.
Back then I genuinely didnt think twice about it, if anything I thought its just something you have to do to get a job in this competitive market.
I’ve been to confession about this when I realised that lying is lying and its simply wrong.

But now Im thinking that I need to tell my job about this. Its a corporate place and I only just started working there 2 weeks ago. (I got the job months ago but start date was after I finish my year in uni).
I dont see how I wont get fired, which maybe in itself is a sign that it would be the right thing to do.

On top of this I also cheated on some exams in uni. Not most of them, just the coursework ones that I didnt have time to do. Again, it didnt even occur to me that its something I shouldn’t be doing. Again ive been to confession but I also feel like I should tell my uni. The reason is that I’m still benefiting from those grades. I’m not even worried about getting a lower grade, I’m just worried about being kicked out of uni. I already spent thousands on the years that I did go there. Mind you all of that was through loans I dont come from a rich family.

I know that consequences shouldn’t deter me from doing the right thing. But I spoke to 2 priests about this some months ago and they said I dont need to tell either my uni or the job about this, because it won’t bring any good. I’m going to speak to my priest this week in more detail and see what he says, but if this truly is unnecessary then I’d just be ruining my future for no reason.

Finally, I fell into this really weird thinking where basically I feel like if I do this, then I also need to do other things like for example tell any person if I ever gossiped about them. Before Christ I did a lot of stupid and bad things, and bad mouthing my friends was one of them. It was a long time ago and I wouldnt want jt to affect my friendships now. It wasnt anything big like spreading rumours, but more ranting in a mean way if I was mad at someone. Again my priest says I dont need to confess such things (to my friend I mean, I did confess it to a priest ofc) because theyre not affecting my friend and that it would only unnecessarily hurt them now.

I dont know what to do, I’m just riddled with guilt and anxiety and all I can do is post this on reddit and talk to my priest.

Hello! I’m wondering if its okay for my boyfriend and I to travel alone if we stay in separate accommodations.
The reason I’m asking is because I’m worried it counts as the s-n of scandal.

I know that he wants to propose to me soon and I know he wants to do it on a holiday.

Hi sisters.
Ive been trying to dress more modestly and summer has officially started. What are your opinions on shorts? I was thinking to just get longer ones like mid-thigh. The ones that go all the way to your knees just arent my style and I’d rather just not wear shorts at all. For context I’m 20.
What do you think? :)

Im going on holiday and my friend booked us tickets to visit some palaces on Sunday. I’m kind of worried now because I’m unsure if this is breaking the 3rd commandments only due to the fact its making other people work- ticket people etc.

In general I’m wondering are Catholics allowed to go to things like amusement parks, museums, cinema etc since it makes other people work? Its not really something you can compare to necessary work like policemen, firefighters etc

I hope this sub is okay to ask this.

Btw: the place is in Portugal so I assume most people will be baptised Catholics, if that makes any difference

Hello sisters. I have a question for the stay at home moms and wives.

Basically I’m 20 years old and plan to get married to my boyfriend in 2 years. Ive wanted to be a stay at home mom once i have kids for the longest time. I genuinely like the idea of it. I know its a very difficult job im not trying to knock that at all, I just think for me it makes more sense than having to be a mom AND work full time on top of that.

But the only thing that brings me worry is that im scared itll feel lonely. I know a lot of it depends on what kind of husband you have, and I’m not worried about that either my boyfriend is truly the best man I know and he will be a great father and husband.

Im more worried because I’m an extroverted person. I find that if im home for too long I tend to get depressed. Only when I am back at school or at work Im back in my usual spirits.

I just started a job in corporate and I thought I would hate it but I’m actually enjoying it. I enjoy being around people and having a routine and being busy.
But I still want to be a SAHM when the time comes, I just wonder is there any way to be extroverted when not working? How do you make sure you stay happy if youre an extroverted person?

So I know that Pope Leo spoke about AI multiple times and it seems like the opinion on AI is that it is just a tool, and can be used for good or bad. Its not inherently immoral but it depends how it is used.

Thats all fine and good and I agree, but I also cant help feeling like everytime I use AI, I’m perpetuating something that has proven to produce more evil than good. I truly wish we never developed AI and if I could delete it from the world completely I would. I hate that people replace creating art with AI slop. I hate that as AI develops humans end up working more and more in warehouses and AI “gets to” create art. Maybe im being a tad too cynical, but just look at some research and you’ll find out that those who use AI have shown to have lower brain activity.

Not to mention the cases where AI encouraged people to unalive themselves. Or how the CEOs of these companies talk about “seeing a future where they sell intelligence”. I mean has everyone gone blind, cant anyone see that nothing in life is free and we are majorly losing out as AI grows.

Nonetheless the title says AI dilemma for a reason. As much as I would love to never use AI, my job requires it. I work in banking and we are constantly being pushed to use AI. Its not like you can get an exemption from using AI either, like some people suggest. Imagine working in a tech company that builds AI models and asking for a religious exemption to not use AI. It just doesnt work. And all of these companies including banks truly believe its not a matter of “can we use AI” but that we have to use it, theres no choice anymore and all we can do is learn how to use it.

So I’m not sure what to do. Im obviously not just gonna quit my job. I guess what I’m asking for is a deeper explanation on the morality of AI, not just “its a tool”, because my problem isnt with the tool in itself, but how it is being used. And my worry is that if I use it even only for good, then Im still making the tool “better” and helping others use it for evil- which they are. Does this make sense?

Im not sure how to word the title. Basically I recently realised that we should not do chores on Sundays. Specifically avoidable chores. The thing is my mum usually does laundry on Sundays, and Im not sure what to do here.
I would tell her not to do it, but the thing is Ive been dealing with scrupulosity and shes just going to say I’m being scrupulous.

For context, my mum hasnt been very religious all her life, and I only started being religious myself about 2 years ago. Since then weve been going to church every Sunday, and shes been growing in the faith more and more.

However, shes still kind of on the fence on many things. My mums faith has always been confusing to me, and she doesnt really talk about when her opinion changes.
But when it comes to Church teachings theres many of them she has expressed her disagreement about.
For example, teachings on contraception.

Basically, its not like shes a super devout catholic that will appreciate if I tell her something is better not doing.
Im worried that if I tell her that we need to keep Sunday as chore-free as possible itll just push her away from faith.

Moving forward I told myself Ill just do extra chores throughout the week so that she doesnt even need to do any on Sunday, but these past 2 days were very busy and I didnt realise how much laundry stacked up.

So im not sure what to do, do I say something?

So I read this https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/some-clarity-on-praying-with-non-catholics article by Trent Horn and it makes sense to me, but I’m still confused by something he didnt touch on.

The apostolic canon 10 specifically states: "If any one shall pray, even in a private house, with an excommunicated person, let him also be excommunicated."

But Vatican II declared that we can pray with non-catholics to bring us closer to unity.

I’ve been dealing with scrupulosity for a couple of months now, and each day i feel further and further away from God.
However, before I just felt spiritual dryness, but in the past week or more I feel dread and anxiety when I think about God or when its time to pray etc.
I dont know if its because deep down I’m mad at God for not showing me a way out of this. Or if theres some other reason.
But im just stuck in this loop. I get obsessed about rules, I worry that I’m in mortal s-n, I think about hell, I get depressed, I end up doomscrolling on tiktok or bedrotting in general because im too depressed to do anything else, I pull away from spiritual practices. My prayer life used to be better and better and now its gone into saying Our Father, a Hail Mary, a guardian angel prayer, some quick personal words to God and I just want to finish as soon as possible, because I am anxious to be in God’s presence. And reading the Bible or any other spiritual book isnt even on my mind. Im just so annoyed at myself and in general mad because I never felt like this before, I always approached God as a child that trusts their Father. But now I approach him like an employee that has a daily meeting with the boss.

This post may be confusing, and thats only a reflection of how confused I feel.

It feels like hundreds of years ago when society was more religious rules were more clear. Shops on sundays were closed, dating had to be done in a very proper way, contraception didnt exist etc etc.

Now its all more confusing. Im 20 years old, I have a boyfriend who I plan to marry in 2 years. I’m in university. I am constantly worried if something Im doing is a s-n. Im confused about boundaries in dating, about what reasons constitute “just” reasons to use NFP in marriage, about working as a woman. Im confused about the everyday stuff as well, what you are/aren’t allowed to do on Sundays, what dressing modestly means etc.

I mean nowadays when you go to the beach its normal to wear a bikini, and modesty is understood to be dependant on the situation. Im not arguing that these things are wrong, im saying i feel confused about if they are or aren’t.

Furthermore, I’m supposed to trust my priest with these questions, but it also just feels like priests are just making their best guess.

Can someone please help me understand

Edit: I just want to add, I’m not saying it was *better* back then, I’m saying it was easier to follow rules that were more clear. It feels like now there is a bunch of guesswork I have to do, which puts me in a position where I’m never sure if I’m s-ninng or not.

For context im only 20 so this is more a hypothetical question, but I’m wondering because im thinking about how I would want to raise my children in the future.

My question is, how old do your children have to be for you to allow them to date, and what boundaries do you place on them dating.
Im asking because I believe dating should only be about discerning marriage, but at the same time its totally normal for a 14 year old to have a crush on someone.

I started dating my boyfriend at 19 and we always had a clear plan towards marriage, but most teenagers arent ready to marry. But that doesnt mean they dont feel love, and strongly hahha.

I cant imagine telling my son/daughter they cant date the person they caught feelings for because of a rule I set that they have to be a certain age. At the same time, I wouldnt want them to date aimlessly.

Futhermore, I’d have different boundaries for a 14 year old and a 17 year old. For the younger id probably not allow them to be alone in a private space, id invite their person to hang out with us as a family, or let them go on dates in public. But a 17 year old nearing adulthood if they invite their boyfriend/girlfriend id allow them to chill in their room together.

Im asking this subreddit because I personally didnt grow up in a very religious household. My mum was a single mum and she always trusted me and left these things up to my own discernment.