r/adhdwomen

Okay so.. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Previously the ADD type back then) when I was around 13. I had never taken medication for it. I've always struggled with being the person that's always late to things, either having an immaculate perfect home or a complete mess of a home. Never in between. Now I am 33 and a stay at home mom of a 11 yr old, 7 month old, a 2 yr old and 3 yr old. I am a good mother and have been doing my best.. but I can hardly keep up with cleaning up the mess involved with taking care of a 6 person household. Also not to mention all the cooking..which I loathe to do but I do it for my kids and my husband.

My husband gets so frustrated with me because he just doesn't understand why cleaning up is so difficult for me when I'm at home caring for the kids. He feels like he has to remind me to do things like I'm a child. There's always just so much stimulation, so much to do.. anyways I just started taking Adderall XR yesterday, and today is my second day! Just in these 2 days I've gotten the entire house cleaned, working on these piles of laundry that needed to be folded and put away, made doctor appointments for myself that I have been putting on the Back burner.. all while caring for my little ones. I feel amazing and ready to take on tasks that would overwhelm me, but also feel like I'm cheating. Like im a fake. I always said to myself "maybe im just not the wifey type and I'll never be like those other moms who always have it all together ". Now I feel like it's possible to be more.

I don't know if or when I'm going to tell my husband though. He's kind of against stimulants because he had taken them when he was a teenager and did not have a good experience. He is ADHD as well but the hyperactive kind. His symptoms are Super obvious, yet he is still so much better at being a self starter and getting things DONE. Am I wrong for not telling him about the meds? I kind of just want him to think this is me.. and have this secret to myself. Or maybe I can give it a bit more time and then tell him, after he's seen how much better I'm doing with the medication. What do you think?

I’m so tired of dealing with my hair. I have sensory issues and can’t stand the feeling of my hair being down or in my face. I try new hairstyles and sometimes they end up so cute but it’s too time consuming. My hair is also really thick so curling it takes forever and I try to avoid heat as it is. I want to cut it shorter, but will that even make it feel like less of a responsibility? I worry that cutting it will mean I have to style it more. I also have a round face and all the cute haircuts on round faces I see have bangs. Bangs sound so overstimulating. I just need it to be easier.

I don’t know if I just need to rant or not but I feel so alone. I have adhd, but I never dealt with this so I don’t know how to help my kid and no one else seems to know what to do either. After 2 months now me and my 12yo finally figured out why he’s been refusing to go to school, we thought it was sleep but apparently it’s stress. He’s had stomach pain, brain fog, headaches, insomnia like dude this sucks.

He’s freaking brilliant. His teachers adore him. His teacher this year says he’s never seen a kid able to work out math in his head like he can(like he changes percentages to fractions in his head to get his work done because he doesn’t like percentages) and he says he’s never had a kid with a reading score as high as his. His school work is easy for him, he’s finishing his work fast and it’s always right. He’s going into middle school next year and his teacher recommended him for all the honors classes.

But still the actually work is overwhelming the heck out of him. Just sitting to get it done is hard because he can’t focus. He says he’s never can’t listen to his teacher at all and it’s always been this way, not just this year. I did end up homeschooling him from 1-3 grade because he was so dysregulated and now I’m worried I’ll have to again. I sucked at it because of my own adhd and I work from home and can barely handle my own shit.

This is so long already I’m sorry. But his regular doctor thinks it’s absolutely the time to medicate. He says we’re doing all we can on our end and he transferred us to another doctor in the clinic who can give medication. She says no! Because his grades are incredible! Never mind that he’s missed 27!!! Days this year. He’s crying to the point where he’s throwing up before school but he’s freaking smart so no meds. She thinks all he needs is sleep, exercise and good food 🤘🏻she’s sending him for an autism assessment because of his sensory differences and he already has an appt with a psychiatrist in freaking October. He’s crashing and burning and I don’t know what to do.

Me randomly sighing every 5 minutes:

Everyone: “Why are you mad?” 👁️👁️

I wish to tell them yes yes yes It happens that I forget to breathe😭☝🏻

Can you relate?

I am approaching 40 and not planning to have any more children and I would like to start a strength training/pilates routine. I used to run, bike, do sports, etc. and I know they say “do the exercise you enjoy” but since having three c-sections and not exercising beyond walks and running after kids for 5 years, I feel that I really need to get my body stronger before I can reintroduce higher impact exercise. i think it would be really good for me overall. i tried doing pelvic floor pt but i never did the exercises they assigned for homework 🤦‍♀️ Ive also done those monthly subscription exercise apps for moms but never did the classes! I don’t have the finances for a personal trainer. I wake up before everyone so theoretically I have time in the mornings (though I’ll have to trade out my alone with tea and crossword puzzle time) but this kind of slow and precise exercise is so. freaking. boring to me.

Has anyone figured out how to get yourself into a routine for boring exercise?

(English is not my first language, and I write somewhat messy sometimes so apologies beforehand)

I (25f) am in some sort of program that checks my limit as to how much I am capable to do workwise and with the help of them I got to "work" in a daycare while I get paid by them to do so. As of now I work 3 days in a row a week and has currently been there for a little bit over 2 years (it's a slow process in my case) and it's gonna step to 4 days a week in a couple of weeks. I am in this program because I don't have this "drive" to do.. anything unless I get instructed to do so and the people at this daycare were kind enough to take me in and help me.

I got diagnosed w ADD & "generalized anxiety disorder" back in 2018. I went back again to check (because I thought I had a learning disability) in 2022 and my ADD changed to ADHD + they removed the anxiety disorder and instead diagnosed me w "low level" Autism.

I wake up at 6 am and get home at around 6-7-8pm depending on how kind the travel times are to me by not having late buses. I also live with my parent atm and we live in the middle of nowhere.

I really enjoy working this "job" (which is contradictory to the title but we will get there). It's nice working with the kids but the parts I enjoy working with more is helping my coworkers with cleaning tasks while they 'handle' the kids. Idk it just brings me so much joy knowing that I can help with stuff that they don't have time for because they need to get the kids ready for the next part of the day.

The biggest part of my struggles with this isn't even the job, but the time it takes to get to and from said job. I spend roughly 4-5 hours a day getting ready, leaving for work and coming home, and within that timeframe I also walk like.. I think it's roughly 4 km back and forth from work. And that's on a good day considering that I sometimes get home at 7-8 pm now as well. I spend the rest of the week/weekend recovering from the workdays and on fridays I spend most of the day cleaning our home because I want to be at least somewhat useful.

And.. yeah. I don't think that I can do 5 days a week. I really wont know unlless I try but I just feel like I won't be doing anything else in that case. I get home, shower, eat dinner and then go sleep because I don't have the energy to do anything else which sucks.

Ive been on and off about wanting to get a drivers licence but I frustratingly cant. And it sounds so lazy and I am fully aware that it sounds lazy but I just can't do anything. My mind is only drawing a blank and I don't know how to explain it in any other way. It's like one of those invisible walls in video games.

I don't know what kind of response I am expecting sending this, I guess it's mostly for vent reasons. If anyone has advice I wouldn't mind if you shared it but I don't know what kind of advice I am looking for.

So I got my first apartment yay. For almost a month I was hyper focused on finding a place since I was done with my mum's silent treatment. I'm a woman nearing 30 btw, been living at home cause Australian housing market is a complete cesspit, paying for all the bills but doing basically no housework. Now that I've got a place I realised that yes I am a big girl now, have already looked at connecting utilites and will be connecting soon. But problem is now I have to move onto furnishing the place and my brain really does not want to do that cause it involves talking to people and having to organise movers.

My new place does not have a dishwasher so I have been doing research into getting a benchtop dishwasher and how to search for tap fittings. I know I need a dishwasher as my brain will just let the dishes pile up which the sight of the piled up dishes will send into an anxiety spiral because things are piling up, which will cause more dishes to pile on.

I only have 3 things that I know I need to have in place within the first month of moving in which is a bed, fridge and dishwasher. I can barely focus, so I don't really know what else I might need other than things related to the 3

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, I tend to have anxiety anyways and get embarrassed easy. My therapist and I been trying to find an adhd medication that works for me.. We know vyvanse does but of course my insurance is refusing to pay for it. So we are going through a bunch of others in an attempt to see if one works. Well my last medication was Adderall, which simultaneously felt like it did nothing, while also making me insanely ragey. So he also had me try an instant release of dextroamphetamine tablets. Well for the past couple weeks I've only been taking the tablets because I refused the Adderall after I used the entire bottle (at his request). So I go to the pharmacy because I was told to try Concerta. Well the pharmacist tells me he won't fill it because I still have the tablets and I have to dispose of them there first. No problem, I run home grab them and get back in line. He then calls me out of line (it's very busy) and stands there and tells me he has to see me do it himself. So I do. Then I get back in line and wait. When I get up there he questions about another medication (fast acting anxiety medication because my school I work at had a gun threat and I've been struggling with anxiety) and why I need those. Then tells me, loudly, that since he saw me throw the other medication he is "comfortable releasing" the new medication to me. I wanted to crawl in a hole.. I was mortified. Taking medication is hard for me as it is because of my OCD and anxiety.. So this was my own personal hell.

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I don’t know how to explain this without sounding dramatic, but the noise in my living space is making my brain feel like it has 47 tabs open and every single one is playing audio.Traffic, hallway sounds, people talking outside, building creaks, random thumps from neighbors — it’s not always loud, but it’s constant. And once I notice it, I can’t un-notice it. I’ll sit down to work, hear one sound, and suddenly my focus is gone. Then I get angry because I’m behind, then I get tired because I’m angry, and the whole day falls apart.I’ve tried noise-canceling headphones, soft music, white noise, and changing where I work. Sometimes it helps, but sleep headphones get uncomfortable after a while, especially when I’m already overstimulated. I’m wondering if smaller focus earbuds, calming audio earbuds, or noise-canceling earbuds would be easier to use throughout the day without feeling like I’m wearing “gear” all the time.For other ADHD women or noise-sensitive people, what actually helps when you’re stuck in a noisy home and can’t move right away? I don’t need a perfect setup. I just need something that gives my brain enough quiet to function.

I’ve had anorexia since I was twelve. I’m a lot older now and I had mostly managed to pull myself together. I started eating more several years ago, because I was tired of being physically sick, but eating disorders are a mental illness and I never felt better emotionally. I changed ADHD meds to vyvanse and adderall two months ago. Previously I only stayed on meds for a few weeks at a time due to side effects. The new meds I’ve done really well on though.
All of a sudden I can eat now? I don’t think ED thoughts all day and don’t get overwhelmed by my feelings. I struggled a lot with emotional regulation and I feel things in a really intense way and wouldn’t eat to control that. ADHD meds are supposed to suppress your appetite, but I don’t experience that.
My medical Dr isn’t a fan of the Vyvanse because people with eating disorders aren’t supposed to take it. Does anyone have a similar experience to me? I want to hear from other people. I’m really scared I’ll relapse again like all the other times, but I’m trying to remain hopeful.

Hello everyone,

With PMDD starting I'm back to being chronically online, unable to do anything useful, hyperfixating on reddit and such. I havent started medication yet (waiting for next dr appointment). Attention is completely dysregulated and it's difficult to get out of home. Maladaptative daydreaming takes up lots of time too. Coffee doesnt do much.

Y'all have anything to help me get off the screen and actually do something?

I am currently reading Dr. Barkley's Taking Charge of Adult ADHD and at the very end of the book, he has a section that discusses the Official Diagnostic Criteria for ADHD according to the DSM-5.

I cannot begin to explain how angry and frustrated I feel reading the diagnostic criteria. It comes as no surprise to me whatsoever as to why ADHD is treated like a joke, especially in mainstream media, because none of symptoms listed in the DSM, actually conveys the severity of this disease or how debilitating it is.

First, according to the DSM-5, the symptoms for ADHD are are divided into two sections:

1. Inattention
2. Hyperactivity/Impulsivity

Nine (9) symptoms are listed for inattention and nine (9) for hyperactivity/impulsivity.

Those 9 symptoms included nuggets like being "talkative", being "forgetful", being "fidgety".

Some of my favorites are:

• Often unable to play or engage in leisure activities quietly;
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly;
• Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is inappropriate.

If you're thinking that this criteria is something you'd use to diagnose a child, you'd be right. Because the criteria was developed to diagnose children, not adults.

I don't understand this. From Dr. Barkley's work, we understand that ADHD is actually a disorder of self-regulation. He outlined the 7 executive functions in aid of describing the particular deficits that people with ADHD do have:

• Self-Awareness & Metacognition
• Emotional Regulation
• Time Management (due to Time Blindness)
• Inhibition/Self-Restraint (due to Impulsivity and Poor Impulse Control)
• Working Memory
• Self-Motivation
• Organization, Planning & Problem Solving

In fact, in 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD, he reminds parents of children with ADHD to remember that their child has an invisible disability and that they should keep the perspective that ADHD is a disability. He's a strong advocate for people with ADHD getting the accommodations they need.

But instead, as an example, in the DSM-5, instead of describing a symptom of ADHD as not being able to motivate oneself, it says:

• "Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities (e.g ., has difficulty remaining focused during lectures, conversations, or lengthy reading)"; OR
• "Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (e.g., schoolwork or homework; for older adolescents and adults, preparing records, completing forms, reviewing lengthy papers)."

IT IS NOT THE SAME THING.

The DSM certainly doesn't convey how difficult the grit of everyday life is for people with this disease. Is it any wonder then why so many of us aren't diagnosed until adulthood?

My question is Why? Why is the Diagnostic Criteria so lacking? If they need to keep the criteria to diagnose children, why isn't there a separate diagnostic criteria for adults?

It doesn't end there however, because of course not.

After I read the excerpt from Dr. Barkley's book, I consulted the DSM myself, I wanted additional information to see if the disparity was as I bad as I felt it was and it turns out it's worse.

There is a section in the DSM-5 that says: "ADHD is more frequent in males than in females in the general population, with a ratio of approximately 2:1 in children and 1.6:1 in adults. Females are more likely than males to present primarily with inattentive features."

According to DSM, ADHD is 2x more frequent in boys than in girls. Do I believe this? Fuck no. Do you I think that girls and woman are likely to be dismissed or misdiagnosed due to medical misogyny? ABSOLUTELY!!!

Which takes to me the problem of working with psychiatrists. The DSM-5 is the the text that psychiatrists are expected to consult during their differential diagnosis. I have often found that unless you're working with a psychiatrist that has specialized in ADHD and/or other neurodevelopmental disorders, they don't actually have a good understanding of what the disease actually is or how it affects people.

I mean, how many of us was actually diagnosed with a depression or anxiety disorder when it's actually ADHD? I practically consider it a right of passage. How many of us have had to actually relate a very real aspect of ADHD to our doctors because they seemed totally unaware of it?

The problem is that the Diagnostic Criteria of ADHD in the DSM-5 is inadequate and since this provides the general foundation for understanding what ADHD is to most doctors and also the general public, it's an explanation for why the general knowledge for this disease is largely misinformed.

It is why we need more doctors, psychiatrists and mental health professionals to advocate for the DSM to be updated to reflect current information about ADHD because they certainly aren't going to listen to us. (Ironic huh?)

But what do you think? Let me know your thoughts. Is anyone else frustrated by this? Because I have been stewing about it for the past few days and I can't seem to let it go.

I was inspired to make this post as it's something I think of a lot. It's really easy to fall into the "clean eating" (with all its toxic diet culture implications) self-shaming, and I don't think it's constructive at all. Especially given how those of us with ADHD can struggle with food preparation and eating.

I figured out that if I make a green smoothie with just spinach leaves, soy milk and hot chocolate powder or banana flavoured drink powder, I'm far more likely to actually make and drink it than if I try to make something more "nutritionally perfect."

Sure, it's more sugary than is ideal. But I'm getting greens.

So if you need box mac and cheese (I get a vegan one), instant ramen or frozen pizza as a vehicle to add more vegetables to rather than make stuff from scratch, that's better than getting no vitamins. Chocolate cake mix with pureed veggies hidden in? That works.

I was diagnosed with ADHD for a year and have been on Vyvanse since. With that I’ve noticed how I stopped caring about people’s opinions and don’t try to blend in with the public. I started to enjoy everything again that was frowned upon in my childhood years, but there are also some negative side effects. I don’t have a filter when I talk and tend to go on long tangents that I’m passionate about. I have weird body language and social manners, I’m constantly forgetting how to normally walk talk and make facial expressions. I’ve always been told that adhd was fake growing up so this is all very new to me and I’m trying my best to figure myself out. I still plan on taking medication because it genuinely flipped my life upside down but the more time passes, the more I notice some negative traits. Does anyone else relate or have any tips?🥲

Still fuming over this one. First (and last!) time seeing new psych earlier in the year - was giving them my intro spiel about my life, etc, and saying I'm going down the path of getting adhd diagnosis this year as my previous psych *striongly* recommended I do so, at some point I happened to mention my current focus was reading books and I'd already read 10...

Without asking why my previous psych thought I had adhd, without offering a test themselves, without asking what I struggled with day to day, without knowing a single goddam thing about me - they straight up said "I don't think you could posdibly have adhd if you've read that many books already"

How utterly devalidating.

I'm sorry, what?? So if you have adhd you can't fucking read now?

The fact that I think many of us DID read lots growing up (cos real life was boring?) escaping into a fantasy world and forgetting all else, not hearing the teacher or those around us, forgetting to eat or pee cos we're in too deep, staying up waaaay past bedtime cos 'just one more chapter'... getting literally nothing else done...

Where are my book girlies at?? 😅 I need some solidarity!