r/adhdwomen

Discipline and self-control

How do you guys deal with yourselves? When you're in a bad environment you can't exactly leave (or don't want to), when you have to do things you don't like, hate or it's just out of your comfort zone, when you need to get up and do things even if you simply CAN'T just get up and do it. In other words... How do you guys live as adults? My only real support is my tired hubby and the medications I've stopped but will start again.

Hi everyone I wanted to come on here and get some advice about something that’s been bothering me and I just want to know whether im just overthinking things and reading too much into it.

So to start this off, I have struggled my entire life with doing the simplest day to day tasks and I have also struggled with school quite a bit. I was put down a lot by my parents saying I was stupid, lazy, using them, didn’t have any drive or discipline. Once I started college these were things I truly started to believe and I went into a very low state of depression. I barely ever got out of bed, didn’t eat much (also because my mom kept commenting on my body and still does), barely attended classes and I could never start on any homework or especially projects no matter how much I knew I needed and wanted to. I saw everyone around me doing so much better than me and I just thought I wasn’t smart enough. I have failed so many classes and and I have lost many relationships in my life.

It wasn’t until recently Ive started to consider the possibility that I might have ADHD by hearing about the experiences from a few people I have met in school. I started reading up on how this might affect women and almost everything described me to a T. Rejection sensitivity, emotional dis regulation, unable to focus or process information, head filled with thoughts and not being able to think a single one of them all the way through, moments of hyper fixation at the most inconvenient times, etc. So I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist to figure out what was going on with me. I was prescribed anxiety, depression, and bipolar medication to see if those were the causes of my inability to focus, and everything else going on. So far they have not helped and I am almost 100% certain I have ADHD.

I’ve tried telling my boyfriend about what’s been going on and a part of me thinks he doesn’t believe me. A few weeks ago we both were talking to a few friends of his and they were talking about a professor they had that was very talkative and bubbly. My boyfriend looks at me and says, “he has ACTUAL ADHD,” laughed it off and went back to the conversation. This really put me off and I didn’t know what to say or do. I tried contributing to the conversation but I was already in my head. Whenever I try to talk about something that I’m really interested in and fixated on, he kind of brushed me off and interrupts me like he doesn’t want to hear it. A few nights ago I had a very low low where I barely ate and got out of bed and I had been crying. He was busy studying but once he was done we checked up on me asking if I ate or drank anything. He was starting to get concerned about me once I talk him the only things I did that day. I told him about the obsessive negativity thought going through my head. He tried to give me advice telling me the mind is a powerful thing and basically told me to stop the negative thoughts. I tried to explain to him that its not that easy. I gave him a long explanation as to what was going on and I told him if he really wants to know, to do some research on how ADHD affects women. He told me he was doing it right then and there but by the end of the conversation he simply said, “I don’t know what else to say baby.”

He tries to be supportive but I honestly don’t think he believes me. I don’t know what to say or how to bring it up to him. Im scared of what he might say. Im really sensitive to sly comments and I’m worried I’ll start avoiding being around him and talking to him as much if the conversation doesn’t go well. I know this might all be in my head but I just need some advice from other woman struggling with ADHD.

Thank you so much for reading this far. All of this is so new to me I don’t know how to navigate through this.

I made a post here a few years ago when I was really struggling in my marriage. It was destroying my mental health. I couldn't see a way out, but so much has happened since then.

First, my husband quit drinking. Things slowly got more peaceful after that. I decided to finish college now that I was medicated, and he agreed to pay for it. I only had two semesters left, and I graduated magna cum laude in May of 2024 with a bachelor's degree in psychology. My plan was to go to grad school to be a play therapist, but I haven't gotten there quite yet.

For about a year, I was either a nanny or SAHM, and I helped my husband with his business. We fought less, and he started making more money. Things felt like they were improving.

Everything changed one night in July 2025 when I found him plastered on vodka and kratom seltzers. He became volatile enough that I asked my sister to come get the kids. He kept yelling inappropriate things, so I cajoled him into the shower to keep him away from the kids.

In the twelve minutes it took my sister to get to my house, he pulled me into the shower with him and repeatedly tried to force me to do something that I tried once years ago and have always said I would never do again. He knew I didn't want to do that thing. I went with the kids and my sister when she arrived. The kids still have no idea what really happened that night.

I knew then that the relationship was irretrievably broken, but I had a bunch of ducks to get in a row before I could get out. That September, my dad (a local divorce attorney) agreed to pay a colleague to represent me. I told my ex that I wanted a divorce, but I didn't give him a timeline because I needed a job before I could kick him out (I inherited the house from my late mother, so he's the one who had to go).

At first, I was a long-term sub at a preschool where I've worked off and on over the years. It was lovely to feel appreciated and competent again! While I was working there, my dad died suddenly in a car accident. I immediately put the divorce on pause. My sister and I had to tell our then-seventeen-year-old brother that his only real parent had died while he was a junior in high school.

By January, it became clear that I couldn't heal from any of this with my ex in my house. He found a rental about 45 minutes from my house and the kids' school, and he moved out the last day of February. He has the kids every Friday and every other Saturday/Sunday. He pays child support. Our divorce should be final in January. I kept the house and my inheritance from my dad. He kept the vehicles. We didn't have investments or 401k's or anything. When it came down to it, there wasn't that much to fight over.

Around that time, I got a job as a permanent sub at the charter school my kids attended, and I loved it. I realized that I need to be with other adults working together toward a common purpose, and education fits that bill. Unfortunately, the school ended up closing at the end of the year for financial reasons. I worked over the summer as a nanny, and the money from my dad helped us get by.

Last month, I was offered a job as a para in the special education department at a district school near my house, and they let my kids transfer schools to be with me. It's not perfect, but I LOVE my job! Between my paycheck and the child support, we are just making it now, and I'm so thankful every day that I get to live this beautiful new life with my amazing kids. They're still adjusting, and it's been hard at times, but they're also thriving in their new schools. I miss my dad, but I know he'd be happy to know that his money helped me get out of that marriage.

It literally took 10 minutes. I chose another repayment plan for my student loans. It was simple. It's done. Someone give me a pat on my back?

2-3 months ago a friend texted and said she and her partner booked an Air bnb in my area for a long weekend and I assumed she meant we would hang out and I could finally show her around and I’ve been so excited, she lives a few states over and only see each other every few years. I stayed home today while by chance my partner and kids and my fun part of my extended family were at separate events in a tourist town about 90 miles away and told them I couldn’t go because friends from out of town, yada yada. Anyway like you can guess my visiting friends never called. I saw them in town and I texted them and got a very blunt answer with no follow up. So I spent a very rare Saturday off in limbo by myself doubting everything and missing my family. I feel like I’m way too old for this and just feeling embarrassed and sad.

It takes me about two hours every morning to get out of bed and start my day. I wake up and immediately feel so overwhelmed and stressed and I need that time to gather myself and convince my brain I can face the day. There’s a never ending to do list that I can never get through and I’m so tired of always feeling like I’m falling behind and failing to do simple life things. I honestly feel like a child that needs a baby sitter. I’m 28 and just want to feel like an adult.

If you’ve struggled with getting out of bed, do you have any advice to overcome this?

Idk about yall but my ADHD has me becoming a hoe of all hobbies. I have so many supplies and materials but sometimes my interest just… disappears. Or when life gets overwhelming, I lose all capacity to innovate or create.

What do yall do with your plethora of supplies without being wasteful?

I look at what I’ve amassed and I just get overwhelmed.

I need some fitness girlies to see this and help. I have wanted to lose weight (about 20-30 lbs) and gain muscle for years, and I think I have tried a consistent routine maybe 7-8 (possibly more) times over the course of a decade. Here's the crazy part! I will stop after a month EVEN IF I SEE PROGRESS IN THE MIRROR!!! 😭 this spring I was at it for probably a month and could see a little bit of definition on my abs and had way less bloating, plus more dexterity.

I just get so so bored while working out. I don't even mind the physical exertion, it's fine. I just get so bored out of my mind it's insane! I was talking to my bf about it and he said music/podcasts/audiobooks were enough to keep him stimulated. And I'm like how. I follow youtube workouts on my phone in the gym and get SO fkn bored. Maybe it's that the videos don't have music I would normally listen to? I also need to have something to look at besides myself in the mirror or a trainer on screen. I used to go running in a more rural area with beautiful scenery and I moved into an apartment where that's further away.

If you have ADHD and are a fitness enthusiast, I need to know your secrets. I'm so tired of exercising, dropping it, exercising, dropping it. Maybe I need to pick a more exciting workout, I've thought about group classes but money is tight right now. There's a tai Kwon do(?) Studio down the street thats offering two weeks free.

Please help 😭 thanks divas

UPDATE - I emailed them and they took my bid down. I guess I have to start going to church because I was making some big promises in praying for this 😅 Thanks to everyone who commented. Just seeing yalls perspectives and stories helped me remember that I struggle with symptoms, but am not an evil person. Thanks everyone 🧡

Title says it. This morning sipping coffee, I impulsively bid $200 for a custom painting of my pet to support a local charity in my area. I thought “I’ll probably get outbid but it would be cute!”

It’s been a few hours and only a couple of hours until the bidding closes and no one has outbid me and now I’m having terrible anxiety. Why did I do this? Technically I won’t be in financial disaster if I end up having to pay, but it won’t be a fun hit.

I’ve tried emailing, Facebook messaging, and calling the organization to beg them to cancel my bid.

Any hope for me?

BIG ASK, hello people, specifically German people.

Ich brauche einen Nachteilsausgleich für meine Ausbildung.

I have realllyyyy bad grades and i just got a psychiatrist to help me, and even though im diagnosed with adhd since age 17.

I’m now 21, 20 days short on being 22. and i was diagnosed with autism (Asperger’s ew (ew to the fact my diagnosis is named after a nazi)) literally last Friday, 3. day ago.

So i have really bad grades at my school (5) over tests, but my internship grades are much better (3/2)

Like i struggle for example to really give the information that is asked of me.

So now, i have my big exam in a year, and i am asking for accommodation.

Thing is, i have a really bad sense of my needs. Like i wont see why i am struggling, heck i wont remember it further then several days.doesnt Mean it will go away :(

So i am looking for advice what i should look out for, and what you guys are experience is.

Alsoooooo i was given an attest for attexis, anyone experience? I’m going today to my insurance for the code

Guys im struggling to find a planning system that works with my ADHD. Between work, personal tasks, meals, weekly planning and all the random things in my head, everything gets overwhelming pretty quickly.
I’d love to see how you actually organise yours?

I was able to sit down and read 100 pages for school in one setting... Waow.

In the comments of a post from a different sub I had seen a comment that it’s really common for people with ADHD to rely on work crushes in order to get through the drudgery of work by dopamine rushes. It was almost like a revelation for me because it is something I’ve been doing my whole life and have met multiple girlfriends and flings through work (I’m a lesbian lol). I always have a work crush at which ever job I’m at and yes it does help give me motivation to keep going because at least I get to look at them or talk to them or show off for them lol is this a relatable thing for people with ADHD or pretty off?

My bf (adhd) and I (AuDHD) have a 2 year old daughter (so far, shockingly neurotypical lol). Both of us struggle with keeping up with everything cleaning-wise, which is made worse by the fact that we both suffer from chronic pain 🫠 For the last few weeks, we’ve had a fruit fly problem that will. Not. Go. Away. Fruit flies will find the ONE hidden smushed strawberry underneath the rug and multiply like CRAZY. This means that we have to be EXTREMELY clean and tidy. Trash needs to be collected and tossed every day. Dishes need to be done asap, so no leaving them in the sink for even one night. Leftovers need to be stored the second they’re done cooking. And I am SO tired.

No matter what, without fail, we miss ONE thing every day. Just one. One day, it was a smushed tomato at the bottom of a bag. Another day it was an UNOPENED box of donut holes. Not joking, we had never even opened it!! We cannot keep bread out whatsoever, because they dig THROUGH THE BAG to get to it. Like we’ve tossed 3-4 loafs of UNOPENED bread. And we’re POOR. So it especially sucks.

My toddler LOVES fruit. She’s a fruit queen. She would eat 3 bananas a day if we let her. She also loves fresh veggies. So this means that when she wants an apple, I have to take it out of the fridge (cause it obviously can’t be left out), peel the apple, cut the apple, toss the peel and core in a sealed ziplock bag, rinse the peeler, the cutting board, and the knife, give it to her, and then pick up the disgusting half-eaten pieces the SECOND she’s done with them. It is EXHAUSTING!!

Even on my BEST day, I have roughly 1/3 of the amount of energy a “normal” healthy person my age has. I’m 25, and my memory is that of a 70 year old. Not just from the adhd, but the brain fog from chronic pain seriously messes with my ability to remember anything. On top of that, I HATE getting any part of my body or clothing wet when it’s not “supposed to be.” Like if I’m getting in the pool, that’s fine, but if I’m washing dishes and a spoon slashes some water on my shirt? Game over. I am just so tired of all of this!!! My bf is wonderful and helps a ton, and he honestly does way more than 50% of the childcare, but he’s unmedicated, so we’re both forgetting stuff all over the house, and we’re both in a pain flare right now! Ughhhh

18F I was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Vyvanse for my attention and motivation. I love it, no complaints. However, I find it doesn’t help this problem I have had for a few years now. I am stuck in a cycle of 4 different sources of dopamine.

1. Food
2. Masturbation
3. Weed
4. Vaping

Food - Luckily Vyvanse is also a BED medication so it has helped with the bingeing for sure. (I don’t have BED) But this is the worst one. Without Vyvanse I am constantly snacking, even when i’m not hungry, just bored.

Masturbation - I have been masturbating at least 5 times a week since i was 12. I came across porn at a VERY early age and haven’t been able to turn back from it (that’s a story for another day). If I do not own a vape then there is no way for me to get a quick dopamine hit (besides food), so I will masturbate whenever I need dopamine. I can no longer orgasm without porn, so that is affecting me, especially when I masturbate 10 times a day.

Weed - This isn’t really a problem for me anymore, but during my first year of university I was always bored in my room, and took an edible almost every night for three months straight. I wasn’t doing well in school and it was winter so I didn’t really leave my room. I also quit vaping at the time, i needed to feel something.

Vaping - I discovered vaping by accident the first week of my first years at uni. My friends and I had found someone’s vape on the ground at a party and i took it home with me and haven’t really stopped since. I have “quit” probably 8 times for a month or two at a time, the longest being 3.5 months, but I always found my way back.

I think my mental health and ADHD “status” is at its best when i have a vape. I don’t watch as much porn/masturbate, i don’t do weed, i tend to eat better.

I obviously know that vaping isn’t good for a person, but if it cancels out all the other things then i see this as my best option. Idk what else to do. I need some advice.