u/ithinkitsthedrugs

I (40, f) wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 35. All the signs were there my entire life. I joked about having ADHD. I’m not stupid (though I struggle to believe this on a daily basis and it’s getting worse) but my grades suggested I was. My parents had every sign but being boomers, they didn’t think to do anything about it. Instead, they told me to stop being lazy. They met with teachers and then yelled at me for not trying. They never said “hmm…WHY is she this way?” Instead they just shamed me. I apologize but if you’re still reading, this will be very long. After two weeks at their house, my entire body is radiating with nerves.

I’m married and live about 1500 miles away from my hometown where my parents and almost my entire extended family still live. I’m an only child. My mother has OCPD. This was recently diagnosed by MY therapist. My mother has never seen one but she should have. Again, as a boomer, mental health isn’t real. It’s just imagined by people who like to be “drama” as she calls it.

Her obsession with perfection is almost hard to describe. All I can do is give examples. Finger prints are evil. She puts her hand into her shirt to open the fridge because she doesn’t want to get finger prints on the handle. If you must roll down your car window (and why would you do such a thing?) you have to roll it down all the way. Otherwise there could be a water line left on it. Crumbs will get you the silent treatment. I have to vacuum the bathroom after I do my hair. And I’m fairly certain she redoes it after I leave the house. One time she said not to worry, she would do it, and then she came downstairs and lint rolled her socks in case any hair was on them. There’s a certain way to lie clothes in the washer. There’s a certain way to walk up the stairs to avoid wearing the carpet down too much in one area. These are just a few examples I’ve experienced during this trip. If you asked me to recount everything from my life of memories of this, we’d be here all night.

Needless to say, growing up in her house was tough. My dad was not naturally an anxious or particularly particular person. He’s become one out of necessity and the need for survival. He picks up crumbs on the table with his finger after he eats. He arranges things just so. He’s not the same guy he was when I was young.

All that to say…being neurodivergent with no coping skills, being terribly, horribly sensitive, and being raised by someone like my mother set me up for a bad time. My parents are also emotionally immature. That’s putting it lightly. There’s no talking to my dad. My mom can’t handle anything at all. It’s just hard. Very, very hard.

I’m leaving to head back home tomorrow and the anxiety in my body is so strong that while I love being back in my hometown for a couple weeks every summer, I get so tense that my body just needs to leave.

Now as an adult, I still have no coping skills. My rejection sensitive dysphoria is raging and I feel like a complete idiot all the time; just waiting to be told I’m doing something wrong at work. I’m struggling hard. I have a therapist I like but I feel like I’m spiraling. I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this post. Maybe just someone to say they understand.

Hi all.

I (40, f) was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood after always suspecting (knowing). I’m suspicious that I’m also on the spectrum but have not been diagnosed.

While I don’t know anyone who loves criticism, I constantly feel like I’m under attack and being judged. The smallest thing can be perceived wrong, or what’s worse…the feeling that I am deeply in trouble. It’s getting so much worse and I hate that I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong or I’m not doing anything good enough.

One of my bosses (I work full time and also have a side job that is very much related to my personal interests and in any other world it would be the coolest thing ever for me but I’m struggling because of the boss) is changing the rules every. single. day.

One day, it’s done like this. The next day, it’s done like that. Just when I think I understand, he says “well in this case no we’ll do it a secret third way!” and I’m losing my mind. I feel like others could adapt and go with the flow but I am just NOT the type of person who can have different rules every effing day. I don’t want to ruin what truly is a cool job for me, but dude. I don’t know how people can be like “yeah…he’ll just throw you to the wolves and have you figure it out yourself” and just be cool with it? Help.

I live in Houston now and I’m seeing something I never saw before in the small town I grew up in. I’ve seen so many instances of tow trucks racing to a scene of an accident or racing against each other to get to a broken down car. I thought that if you needed a tow, you just called a company and one would show up. So why are sometimes upwards of ten tow trucks literally speeding down the street and racing each other to the first one there? Looks like someone up the street from me needs a tow truck and 7 just came speeding onto the street and most just turned around to leave and speed away. Never seen that before.

Hi all. I saw a post recently that suggested when a couple gets into bed, a fun idea instead of watching tv or doom scrolling would be to pick a book and take turns reading aloud each night. I really loved this idea!

My husband won’t like anything dark. He isn’t interested in anything sad, or anything with profound personal struggle in it. I am open to anything! I think we’d most like something lighthearted, fun, funny, self-helpish is probably fine. Something that might make you see the world differently or walk away feeling good about the world. Any suggestions you have would be awesome!

EDIT: Wow. You all are so awesome. Thank you!! This might be my new favorite sub because you all actually answered with great suggestions.

I (35,f) was offered my dream job out of the blue. I didn’t apply to anything. Without giving too much personal detail, I volunteer at a business that I love and that’s completely related to my interests and now they’re opening a new location and I was offered the GM position because the owner knows me and has worked with me and knows my love of (okay fine, stand up comedy).

For my entire professional life I’ve worked in human services which is great. It’s what I always thought I wanted to do. For the last 14 I’ve been at one non-profit organization. I know my job inside and out. However I’m bored and I’ve been bored for years. I don’t enjoy it. And while helping people is great, I feel I’ve done my time and I’ve been wanting to move on for a while.

Then I get offered this. I’ve literally dreamed about getting to do this. I’ve doodled about it in journals and prayed that one day I’d get the chance to. And here it is. And I could not possibly be more sick with anxiety.

It’s a complete 180 from anything I’ve ever done professionally. The owner has faith in me otherwise he wouldn’t have offered me the opportunity. But I suffer from bad anxiety as it is and this is just killing me. I’m so nervous all the time even thinking about doing this job. There is A LOT to learn and I’ve absolutely convinced myself I’m incapable of learning any of it. It’s bothered me so bad that sometimes I consider staying at this boring job just because it’s familiar and feels safe.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? I don’t want to pass this up but I’m terrified.

I (40,f) just started 150 XL a week ago. I hadn’t noticed any side effects at all until today (maybe?). Today was the first day I felt off since starting. My anxiety was overwhelming. I had plans to do some things alone since my husband is out of town. I was going to go to a play (something I have done alone before) and couldn’t bring myself to go. This evening I was supposed to go to a show and when I saw the line was so long it was out to the sidewalk, I walked right back to my car and drove home. I was on the verge of tears most of the drive and felt really uncomfortable physically.

I do have anxiety, generalized and social, but these are things I’ve done alone before and had no issues with. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it today. I did start my period yesterday and at my age, and just period hormone fluctuations in general, I wonder if that made it worse? Just wondering if anyone else experienced heightened anxiety when they started. Thanks!

Black smoke billowing up from somewhere in the heights

I have 600 vocal stims I’ve picked up from the show over the years. One of which is from an episode with Sal as the guest. I believe they were talking about zombie apocalypse or something? Jay is pretending to be a radio dj and says “air quality is at 3%…and this is Chaka Khan “aint nobody.” Im desperate to find the episode!

My parents (mom is late sixties, dad is early seventies) have been smokers since they were teens. I tried everything as a kid to get them to stop. I hid their lighters, I made signs about the dangers of smoking and second hand smoke and hung them in the house. I begged. I pleaded. I cried. Nothing mattered. They never quit. In my twenties, I gave up.

On top of this, they never drink water. Only coffee and soda. They rarely eat fresh food. Everything is from a can or frozen and they sometimes make snide or sarcastic remarks when my husband and I respond to their “don’t you buy frozen lasagna?” questions with “no we’re not big fans of that”.

My dad has had a myriad of serious health issues related to the smoking. It never mattered. He didn’t quit. She didn’t quit. He lied to me and said he quit but I caught him. I didn’t say anything for years because I didn’t want to embarrass him. I hid my concern and anger to preserve his ego. Last year I finally told him I knew and to stop hiding it because I was tired of pretending I didn’t know. I was tired of staying in the house when he was outside because I knew he went out to smoke and I didn’t want to catch him.

Now the issues are getting worse with a diagnosis of congestive heart failure and COPD. And I know this still won’t make either of them quit and so now I get to watch them slowly disintegrate in front of my face, knowing that I will have to act as a caretaker for them both at some point, and this still isn’t enough to make them quit. At their age, it’s probably too late. But I’m really struggling with the fact that nothing has ever mattered enough to them to change or care. Not themselves. Not me. And here I am with the looming fact that it’s caught up to them and I will be the one expected to drop everything and care for them. They’ll swear up and down they never wanted that. They’ll tell me to live my life and they’ll be fine and it’s not my job to care for them but I’m an only child with no other choice. I live over 1,000 miles away. I have my own life, a career change that I’m so excited about I could puke, a home and a husband and this guilt. I’m mad. I’m annoyed. I’m sad. I don’t even know what I am.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Have any advice? Words of wisdom? Shared anger? What do we do when it’s our turn to parent our parents and it turns out they aren’t great to parent?