u/Varrock_Zubat93

For simplicity, my hobby has been buying X item for $10, and altering it for 30 min, it's worth $40, and I have a bit of left over of X item.

Its simple.

But its starting to transition into more of a business than a hobby and I'm considering scaling up. I would not hire employees. But I might buy equipment that would allow me to make more product per hour. Before doing that, I'm interested in learning about what counts as a legit tax write off, whether it's worth it to incorporate for liability purposes, etc.

But j don't need advice on FINDING a profitable business model. Just resources about requirements from a legal and administrative side.

Life is... good lately.

Going well at work, with family, friends and hobbies. My endless battle with ADHD is kinda being ignored so I can have some fun and indulge in things that make me happy to get over the break up.

And I'm doing good. Wish I could share it with him.

Wish I could say, look at my side project. Isn't awesome? Look at this part. And this part. I'm happy about this this and this. I got so much done. And in the process realized how much is left to do.

It's going well and he's the first person I'd want a hug from or to tell or share updates with. I'm not mad or sad anymore. I miss the role he filled in my life - very supportive and helpful and willing to listen. He'd encourage me and ask for feedback.

Miss that. Still happy. I think I want to start seriously dating soon. I like being in a good relationship and having my person to go to. If its not him I should keep looking.

It smelled like they had gone to the bathroom and were sitting in it. The driver was obviously uncomfortable and breathing through his shirt. The smell from tue corider was so strong I'm shocked she couldn't smell it herself.

Relationship history:

• 1.5 years from meeting date to no contact date

• only 3 months dating 2 months officially together in that time

• we've been no contact for 2 months on my request after I told him he was a DA in a kindly worded but very direct letter.

• I told him I only want to hear from him if he goes to therapy.

From my perspective, the way forward is clear. Get over him. If he comes back willing to work on it, I'll have knew knowledge and less attachment and I'll know exactly what I need from him. And if he doesn't come back then working on moving on is better started sooner than later.

But today for the first time I really questioned what comes next for him.

At the time I told him he was DA, I genuinely believed he could do anything humanly possible that he put his mind to. He's smart, conscientious, independent, organized. He's a million great things. I assumed that knowledge was the problem. I assumed that he would want to fix it and recognized something was wrong, but didn't know what and that made it hard to make progress.

I considered the possibility that he might not choose me to make progress with, but that he would eventually get better even if it was with or for someone else.

I didn't consider it a possibility that knowing might make things worse. I just genuinely believed getting better was inevitable once he knew the problem.

So, putting the possibility that he gets better with me or someone else, these are his options:

• he decides he's hazardous to be in a relationship with and doesn't pursue relationships anymore because he realizes getting close to people hurts him and them. He's alone forever.

• he decides to go after short term relationships

• he goes after new people knowing that he's likely to hurt them.

But then... if i hadn't told him, he'd just unknowingly hurt everyone he's with in the future. Is it better to let someone unknowingly hurt people because they still get to experience relationships with people, or put them in a position where they're even more reluctant to see other people because they don't want to hurt people?

I'm doing better recently which is nice. When I revisit our convos I'm not being hit with nostalgia or longing. I still miss him, but I think I'd be able to see him in public and ignore him without incident. The hardest part is when I get horny haha, but I'm reaching for my vibrator noe instead of immediately grabbing for my phone to message him. Hard habit to break. I see my life going just fine without him. I'm happy. It'd be nicer to have someone who added to my happiness.

But yeah, now I guess...

I'm just wondering if I messed up his dating life forever if I overestimated his ability to overcome things.

Super amnoying, it's interfered with work and communicating with family. Normal internet pages time out while loading.

Is it just me? Is there some sort of outrage impacting speed of service?

I've tried restarting my phone, turning airplane mode on and off, using different browsers and apps.

Any tips?

I've asked this before but I don't truly understand.

Therapy has never helped me. I've been to 5 therapists.

I only have ADHD. I do not have depression or anxiety. I don't have any sort of obvious trauma or anything I'd identify as being especially negatively impactful. I didn't have a perfect life, I can identify complains of varying degrees of seriousness, but mostly I consider myself to be a happy person who struggles with organization, time management, cleaniness/hygiene, and task initiation and persistence.

Medication helps me to continue tasks I choose and that helps with everything else a little bit.

I don't know what I'm supposed to get out of therapy. It hasn't been obvious or helpful. I'm wondering if someone out there has actually been helped by therapy in the way I want to be helped.

I want to hwar from someone who:

• has adhd

• went to therapy

• learned a specific tool or practice or (fill in the blank) in therapy

• used that to improve an ADHD symptom

• and that symptom is specific to ADHD (and not anxiety or depression)

If that describes you, can you walk me through how therapy helped you? Does this exist?

Title - Lego is so expensive. Are there any alternative places to buy it cheaper in Toronto?

Wish there was a way to visit all garage sales at once. The second hand market is a lot of time.

This post is for anyone who feels they can't leave.

What if the only way to get them back is to leave and let them come to you when they're ready? What if they can’t realize what they lost, and won't be motivated to chase you, until you stop chasing them?

There's no better example of that cheesy line "If you love them, set them free. If it was meant to be, they'll come back." when it comes to avoidants.

There are 4 scenarios and some notes.

• You stop chasing. They come back: moderate chance.

• You stop chasing. They don't come back: moderate chance.

• You keep chasing. They come back back: VERY LOW chance.

• You keep chasing. They don't come back. High chance.

These are reasonable expected outcomes because avoidants need space, right? These are not people with secure attachment, where the best strategy is often just being direct and present. If you try to be direct and present, you are loving them in the opposite way they need.

So... are you willing to love them in the way they need it, which probably includes so much space, you'll have to work on getting over them to provide them sufficient space?

Or are you just in love with the chase, instead of doing what's most productive for you and for them?

I can't speak for everyone, but in my situation, with my DA, here's what I think is true:

• Being consistent or inconsistent is not what he needs. He needs space to discover how he feels about me, and only then can he make a meaningful decision about whether it's worth it to try to work on things.

• Leaving him and truly trying to get over him has the following benefits:

  • If he comes back, and I have gotten over him, I'll be in a better position to advocate for what I need and want.

  • If he doesn't come back and I have gotten over him, I'll be in a good position to move on with my life

  • If he comes back and I have gotten over him, I may not even want him back, which might be for the best if he was never going to get better or work on things

  • If he was never going to come back, actively trying to get him back would have been a waste of time.

  • I've already tried being patient and available and it didn't work. Its probably not what he needs.

  • Leaving and getting over him does not decrease the chances he returns - it can only help.

I haven't seen my DA in person in about 8 weeks, and haven’t talked to him in about 6 weeks. I'm in therapy, focusing on my career and friends, trying to improve my ADHD stuff (I find therapy sucks and coaching is not covered by my insurance, open to recommendations in Toronto if you have them).

I've processed we're probably not getting back together. And now it just feels like a normal break up =) I'm still sad and I wish it ended different because he was a great guy. But I was unhappy and he wouldn't commit to improving things, so I had to leave. I have my ups anð downs, but I've gotten over worse and trust I can do it this time.

If he comes back and he's done some work on his own, good... but I'll have demands and expectations. And if he doesn't come back I'm on the path to moving on.

Barring seeing evidence of dramatic, improbable improvement, I've decided not to have him in my life anymore. 90% of the time, I'm okay with that. But every once in a while, like when I find an oversized socks of his that I won't be returning, or encounter a word that reminds me of him, like mule or bunny, I'd benefit from reminders of the things he did or didn't do that made me feel like crap.

I understand him well. But it's not about understanding anymore. It's about accepting that, despite his 2 million amazing qualities, and the fact that I think he's actually a good guy, I was unhappy with him. I was unhappy with the lack of commitment, I was confused by the mixed signally, I was embarrassed having to be dishonest to friends and family. 99% of the time I have such a positive few about us and the potential we have - but this is my space to acknowledge the negative and to accept that his numerous strengths can never compensate for his weaknesses so long as he chooses not to work on them. And ultimately, I was not enough to motivate him to improve things that are fixable. He rejected you with inaction, repeatedly.

---

Here are the things that made me unhappy.

• He never intentionally told me he loved me. The few times he did say it were accidents or he was literally unconscious. That's not okay after a year and a half.

• He only said he missed me when he had lost me or thought he was losing me.

• Of the few times he did reciprocate saying he missed me, he left out the "I"... just "miss you". I hated that. Remember how you thought that was insincere and childish that was?

• He said he wasn't a "fuck yes" about me, and was conflicted about getting together because in a decade he might move to Alberta and I might not. On his reddit history. It never sat right with me, but he said it while pouring his heart out about how much he missed me, so I let it go. But on his reddit page, about 4 years ago, he talks about "the law" of fuck yes/no. In his own words to someone - if someone's not a fuck yes about you, you should consider it a no. God I wish I had seen that sooner. It would have saved me from getting my hopes up and actually trying a relationship with him.

• He rarely actually said positive things about me. It was only ever about my appearance. He told me I was smart a few times. I struggle to think of anything else that was positive about me. I gushed over him and constantly reminded him of all the things I liked about him. It was so one sided.

• He met up with his ex regularly when we were unofficial. I genuinely don't believe he slept with her. But that made it worse. If he had slept with her, I could dismiss him as a cheater. It made me feel terrible because it felt like he preferred seeing her over me. Maybe he did. I don't know the answer to that. He never reassured me.

• I wasn't allowed to schedule things with him. If I gave him too much notice, he'd hate waiting to have the conversation about planning. If I saved it for the last minute, it was too little notice. If I

• He seemed pretty cheap with you. Remember that time he motioned for me to use a separate kiosk at ikea? IKEA? What was that about? He earns 4x more. What on earth was that about? He wanted you to get your nails done, but didn't want to pay for it. Remember all the money you spent on ubers making sure you weren't late? Remember the dozens of times I stayed over at his place and worked the day after, and he gave 0 consideration to what I'd bring to work for food, and I'd have to spend $40-50 on delivery because there's not even a gas station nearby?

• And that's what hurt a lot. Thinking of love languages. Yes, we had "physical touch" down to a science. But what about everything else? Verbal affirmation? Definitely not. Quality time? Inconsistent! He was alarmed when I tried to schedule things with him. Acts of service... I mean, yes, he was very good at this when he tried, but he tried inconsistently. If he was overwhelmed, he wouldn't help me with tech support requests that were easy for him. I tried for months to get him to help me with my calendar, and going to the gym. It was so contingent on his mood - he was unreliable. And then what, he couldn't even buy me swedish meat balls at ikea? What did I have with him? What did I get out of our involvement? I got decent sex, a coffee mug, a soda stream, at least 2 dozen nights crying to myself about how I didn't have the will power to walk away, 3 torrented movies, amateur knowledge of attachment theory after obsessing on the internet for a few weeks, and a handful of cool dates he said he wanted to take me on but never followed through. That's like, the sum total of us. If someone threatened to rewind the last year and a half, and I'd lose everything I gained from our relationship unless I paid a ransom... I can't justify paying any dollar amount.

• And then there was marriage. He didn't want to marry. He was against it. The thing about being anti marriage, is that people are against things all the time and still do it for their partner, so to refuse to do something your partner wants to do means you must REALLY not want to do it. "Why get the government involved?" is not a strong enough reason for someone who believes in the role of government and government regulation in all other aspects of life - he wasn't some paranoid libertarian who objected to fluoride in the water supply. I think he was against marriage to make it easier to leave (it was a manifestation of avoidance, to not feel trapped or engulfed and to maintain independence on paper... guess "it's just a piece of paper" only works one way). But also, I think... he was cheap. I think he cared about himself far more than he has the capacity to care about anyone else, and money facilitates independence. He probably suspects, deep down, that he would walk away from a marriage, even a good marriage, to feel emotionally safe, and doesn't want that to come with the burden of spousal support or giving someone his money. This can be taken the wrong way if someone wants to take it that way - but I want someone who is capable of the closeness to genuinely mean, "what we each have belongs to each other because we're doing life together. Maybe that looks like me getting a $60,000 car instead of a $120,000 car, that way you can get a $60,000 car instead of riding the bus 10 hours every week. That's an extra 400 hours we get to spend together per year. Well worth it. It's our life - you're not just visiting."

• From Gilmore Girls - I want a middle with you. The main character goes on a rant to her fiance about how she wants to start their life together. They're middle aged, and she doesn't want to get married when they're 70 and miss having a "middle" together. I want a middle. When he took me on some really good dates, I'd come home thinking, "God, I want a million more nights just like that". And then I realized... it can never be a million. We're in our 30s. Suppose things go perfectly and we get the next 50 years together. At best, that's 18,000 nights together. And how many would he throw away, and not spend them with me, because his wiring to feel triggered by intimacy? Do I want someone not capable of having a middle with me? No. I don't. I want a middle.

I offered to work on things. I offered patience. I understand that his reluctance exists in his nervous system. He's not a bad guy. It's a capacity issue. But if he's not willing to work on his capacity, I can't tolerate this forever. Eventually you reach a point where it feels more cruel to try. I alarmed him. My presence, our intimacy, frightened him the same way a mouse fears a fox. That's not kind to either of us. The only way to give him peace is to stop trying and leave him alone. He's put me in the position where that's the nicest thing I can do for him. It's not abandoning him to recognize that. It's acknowledging that we hurt each other, and he's the only one with the power to change that. And he's chosen not to with me. I'd love nothing more than to have him try, to go to therapy, to work on things, to involve me and say, yes, I need to work on these things and I want you to work on them with me. I love you and I want there to be an us, I want him to want to get married to me, to feel joy and relief that there's a way to keep me forever if he asks for it.

But he chose not to try. It upsets me that he probably feels abandoned by my absence - like he's alone and can't count on anyone. He pushed me away - it's not my fault for accepting his answer and believing that's what he wanted.

Also he smelled after going to the gym. Wear deodorant dammit!

I was stressing though. It took 3 days of cleaning over 12 hours a day. Lots of things just went into boxes. But my floors are clean, I can open all my doors, I did all my laundry, and got rid of 3 pieces of furniture that were taking up space. I still have 3 boxes that need to be unpacked. But for now I'm happy that I've undone half a year of neglecting staying tidy.