r/AvoidantBreakUps

Four years together and his final message was “I will see you in my prayers.” SIR, WHAT?! 💀🙏🏻

I was recently discarded after FOUR YEARS, and this man’s final message to me was:

" will see you in my prayers.”

EXCUSE ME?! 😭💀

For context, he was a very devout Catholic man. Church every Sunday, strong faith, the whole package. And honestly, his faith was one of the things I genuinely liked about him, especially because I’m Catholic too.

But apparently, after four years together, I got the spiritual equivalent of a corporate layoff email. No real closure, just a one-way ticket to the prayer department. 🙏🏻😂

I already know avoidant discard is brutal, but adding God into the breakup like you’re handing someone a complimentary Bible verse with their emotional damage is WILD.

Like, sir, are we breaking up or are you assigning me a novena? Am I your ex or a prayer intention? Should I light a candle, or should I just accept that I’ve been transferred to the Lord’s department? 😭

And that’s what gets me. You can be a devout Catholic and still be human, still hurt people, and still handle relationships badly. Faith doesn’t automatically make someone emotionally mature. But acting all holy while leaving someone devastated, with a religious-sounding goodbye instead of an honest conversation? That hits differently.

Has anyone else dated a SUPER religious avoidant? Because I swear, getting emotionally discarded is already a mindfuck, but getting spiritually ghosted on top of it feels like a whole new level of Catholic trauma. 💀😂

Please tell me I’m not the only one. What is the most unhinged, holier-than-thou, or spiritually confusing thing your religious avoidant ex ever said to you? I need stories. 🍿

You're a selfish asshole, you cut me out of your life and start doing all this shit with your "friend" "oh theres nobody else" rightttttttttt. You're just a shitty person who took advantage of someone who was willing to do anything for you, I hope that sticks in your fucking brain, maybe it wont cause you just dont care. You never made time for me but as soon as im gone you start doing ALL THIS EXTRA SHIT WITH THIS DUDE FUCK YOU

If a partner chases after them, is obsessed with them, and takes them back without consequences, are they more likely to lose respect and leave again? We are talking about people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style—who therefore have an anxious side and a negative self-view—so do they not feel reassured by this, or would they feel guilty about leaving again?

Like the title, how do they tell their friends about the break ups? Do they tell the same reasons or excuse as to us, or do they come with another untold story/truth to friends and families?

Is it not responding at all / leaving them on read? Responding but not entertaining the idea of rekindling anything? Honesty without opening the door again?

Mine hasn’t reached back out and probably never will, I’m just curious.

It's not worth it, even if that's the opposite of what you want to hear. The comeback isn't the satisfaction and relief you think it is, it's a short lasting breathe of fresh air that brings nothing but more anxiety than what you've already had in the first place. The cycle will not stop, and honest healing only can only begin if YOU'RE the one to recognize the cycle and break it.

ask yourself, what are you waiting for? is it really them, or is it the memories that fuel your anxiety. did they really love you? or did they just love the intimacy you brought to them.

please, love yourself enough to recognize that they don't deserve you. have some respect to the person who cried and panicked for days after they broke up with you, that version of YOU deserves the healing that only you're capable of bringing.

Do you ever feel like you're drowning in water while you smile and talk, wearing your mask? Because whenever you talk about your pain, people don't understand.

I've never carried such a heavy weight of pain until he hurt me. It's a weight in my chest that I carry every day. I can't reach out to him and tell him how I'm feeling, so I'm stuck dealing with this agony by myself.

Most days, I'm fine. I carry its weight and make it through. But some days, I feel like I'm suffocating, gasping for air. The healing process is so painful.

The heart can endure so much, but sometimes it really just needs a break, a rest from constantly carrying a weight that was given to it by someone else.

I just have rough patches. This week is one of them..

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I was discarded. Every morning I wake up and my heart races for at least 30 minutes and I have to calm myself down. I hate this so much.

Any thoughts or experiences?

5 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of around 3 years. I felt numb and basically scared of the commitment that she wanted. I said that I wasn’t enough for her right now and she deserved better etc etc. I didn’t realize I was an avoidant attachment type until recently after doing a lot of research about it. I have a trend of doing this and through therapy and frustration of the most recent time, I was seeking answers.

Everything I’ve read about avoidant resonates with me. The detachment and pull away that I experienced in the relationship, feeling like I lost attraction, and not being able to express my feelings when I needed to most.

My reason for posting here is because I feel like I was distracted for a while after the breakup but now am experiencing the grief full on. It’s been weeks of non-stop missing and thinking about her. I know this is the common timeline for avoidants and that’s why I am convinced that it is my attachment style. Its almost like my breakup has followed exactly the common avoidant breakup timeline that I’ve seen here and other places online.

I’ve gone to therapy and done lots of research on attachment types and I feel like I have a good grip on what went wrong and what I need to work on. (I know this takes lots of time as well) Is there any hope or possibility of getting back together? I really want to avoid hurting her any more and while I am afraid of my avoidant feelings coming back, with my level of understanding now I feel like I have more confidence in utilizing strategies to help mitigate and fix these tendencies both within the relationship and within myself. (I know I need much more time but the grief is killing me)

Most of the information I see online is slandering avoidants due to many of the posts being of people who were discarded when they had loving relationships.(rightfully so) I’ve been trying to find resources for people who identify as avoidant and how to heal. But a lot of things kind of insinuate that there is no hope for avoidants and leave off just saying to avoid them at all costs and that they are spawns of satan.

Am I doomed forever? Is there any possibility for my previous relationship to work out? Or do most avoidants simply ignore these feelings forever and rarely actually heal? I’m curious if anyone has any input on this. I am open to criticisms about my avoidant tendencies but I genuinely am so tired of it and this is the most self-aware I’ve ever been about my attachment style. I had something so good with my last relationship and am feeling so much regret, but also know how much there is a risk of hurting her even more so if that’s the only option I know I need to let it go.

has anyone had their avoidant ex come back?

my husband left without note or warning in march, a week before my birthday. i can't describe the pain i went through the following months, i'm not even sure i even remember it. it was the closest i've ever been to pure agony and i've been thru a lot, enough to write a book.

coming up on 7 months post-discard now and i am really proud that i'm still alive, still pushing through. in my darkest moments i was unsure if i'd even be around to see the leaves change color this year.

if i had to say one thing to him now, it would be thank you. thank you for letting me go sooner rather than 10 years down the line, thank you for releasing me from you, thank you for reminding me i deserve better and thank you for forcing me to take a long, uncomfortable look at the gaping abandonment wounds inside me.

i've been abandoned all my life. by my mother, father and anyone who was supposed to take care of me. i "slipped thru the cracks" in every regard so to speak. i could never imagine putting someone thru this knowing they've experienced this same pain all their life, it's barbaric.

but at the end of every day, i am reminded of my strength. some days are harder than others, but still i (and all of us here) persevere. if you are in the pits just know it will turn around. the lovers always win. ❤️

For people with avoidant attachment, what type of partner makes a relationship feel safe and sustainable for you?

I’m particularly curious about the role of emotional honesty and vulnerability. Could you genuinely build a deep relationship with someone who is also avoidant and therefore doesn’t naturally push for emotional openness, vulnerability or difficult conversations?

Or does a relationship between two avoidants eventually become emotionally distant because neither person is willing to be fully vulnerable or ask the other to be?

Do you think avoidants actually need a secure partner to create emotional depth, or can two avoidants develop that kind of intimacy with each other?

For example, if the avoidant feels they're growing attached, while their partner doesn't do anything in particular or anything different...