Do you feel like that sometimes? Like you should have given more of something at some point, and you feel thats the reason they left the way they did?

Sometimes (like now) I feel that I should’ve given something more, maybe different, or something. Maybe its because I never really got a real reason from her, I don’t know why I feel like this. I feel I did everything, and she says the same and that I’m perfect and there was nothing I did or didn’t do, but I have a hard time to trust that because of all the lies and not being able to communicate issues.

I would like to know more about what goes through an avoidant’s mind when they discard, detach, go cold, etc.

I’m just wondering if I’m the only one who has done this because I honestly don’t hear about it very often due to it taking a lot of self control and self strength and hard acceptence to make this whole decisionn.

After my breakup I completely disappeared fr. I blocked him everywhere, blocked his number, deleted all my social media and cut off every way he could have access to me. We were long distance in diff cities, so Ik this isn’t possible for everyone depending on their situation.

My main reasons were:

• I was constantly stalking his socials, checking his followers and seeing things he told me he never would do, which only hurt me more.

• I didn’t want him having access to me anymore or knowing what I was doing. I also wanted to stop feeding his ego.

• I needed to remove the temptation to check on him and finally accept that the relationship was over.

It’s been three weeks and I’ve never gone this long without him or social media. He was my first love for years, so I still think about the good memories, but the person he became made me realise I had enough he has no respect for me and is trying to break me down and flex his new life after hurting me. His ego is insane... but overall social media has been something ive always wanted to quit its took up most of my life and has ruined my brain.

Honestly, disappearing has helped. My FYP would constantly remind me of him and make me miss him and checking his socials just kept me stuck. I’ve even stopped listening to sad music and that has helped A LOT with ruminating music made me worse in the first part of the breakup itd make me think of the old memories. The breakup still hurts so much, its been 2 months since the actual breakup but the last time we spoke was 3 weeks ago and thats when i had enough of him. It is very lonely and one minute im okay the next im having bad urges, social media is a quick dopamine so thats why its so hard but im starting to learn and find other ways to get healthy dopamine. Tiktok was my main trigger, it was filled with bad content and made me want to text him. He made his accounts public which made my healing worse and thats when i decided this whole decision.

I’m not saying everyone needs to disappear completely but if your able to cut off access and stop checking their socials, I genuinely think it can help you heal or take away some of the pain.

Has anyone else completely disappeared after a breakup? Did it help you move on or is it helping you if you just started and what was your reasons ?

I spent dozens, maybe hundreds of days obsessing over one question: what could I ask early on to make sure I never end up with an avoidant again?

I dissected this shit from every possible angle because I refuse to turn dating into a fucking FBI interrogation just because I’m terrified of being hurt again. I wanted one brutally simple question that could expose an avoidant almost instantly.

And I found it.

The question is:

“What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?”

That’s it.

Ask it on the first few dates. No interrogation. No 50-question checklist. Just ask that one question and actually listen to the answer.

Because here’s what I’ve noticed: an avoidant will bend reality into a pretzel before admitting they contributed to the failure of a relationship.

They can talk for hours about how their ex was toxic, crazy, needy, controlling, emotionally unstable, selfish, boring, incompatible, etc.

But ask them:

“Okay, but what did YOU do wrong?”

And suddenly… nothing.

Apparently they were perfect.

It’s almost easier to imagine someone with no legs breaking Usain Bolt’s 100m record than an avoidant genuinely saying:

“I fucked up. I hurt them. I handled things badly. Here’s what I learned from it.”

And I’m not saying they are literally incapable of knowing they did something wrong.

I’m saying they seem incapable of saying it out loud without somehow turning themselves into the victim or the hero.

I tested this theory on friends I suspect are avoidant.

Not one could give me a straightforward answer.

And THAT is the interesting part.

Because the internal story they tell themselves is exactly what allows them to discard someone and move on almost instantly.

Think about it.

If you genuinely believe you were the good person in the relationship and your ex was the problem, why would you mourn the relationship?

You wouldn’t, you just escaped the villain.

That’s how they see us.

My own ex, who discarded me two months ago, gave me the perfect example.

I asked her what went wrong in her previous relationship.

Her answer:

“I wasn’t happy.”

Okay.

WHY weren’t you happy?

I kept asking for actual reasons.

The best she could come up with was things like:

“Because he left the empty milk carton in the fridge.”

Fine. Maybe she just didn’t want to criticize her ex because she still had resentment after the breakup.

So I asked the obvious question:

“What did YOU do wrong?”

Her answer:

“I made the mistake of giving too many chances.”

Read that again.

Her biggest mistake in the relationship was apparently being too good of a person.

She didn’t hurt him.

She didn’t communicate badly.

She didn’t behave selfishly.

She didn’t contribute to the relationship falling apart.

No.

Her mistake was that she was too forgiving.

I actually laughed when she said it. I had no idea what was waiting for me a year later.

I remember saying:

“So you divorced your husband of 10 years because he didn’t throw away milk cartons. Fair enough.”

Looking back, that answer should have been a fucking billboard.

From now on, I have zero tolerance for anyone over 30 who cannot clearly explain:

1. What they did wrong in their previous relationships.

2. How their behavior contributed to the breakup.

3. What they learned from it.

4. What they would do differently today.

I don't care how attractive they are.

I don't care how successful they are.

I don't care how “self-aware” they claim to be.

If their entire relationship history can be summarized as:

“All my exes wronged me."

And this is also why I think this question is such a powerful filter for emotional immaturity and certain highly dysfunctional personality patterns.

Because the common denominator in extremely toxic relationships is often ego.

An ego that absolutely cannot tolerate the sentence:

“I was wrong.”

So if someone is over 30 and genuinely cannot identify a single meaningful thing they did wrong in a previous relationship, I’m out.

Not because I expect perfection.

Quite the opposite.

I expect enough self-awareness to know that you are not the protagonist in every story.

The golden question is:

“What did you do wrong in your previous relationships?”

It applies to both FA/DA and Cluster B people also any type of a toxic immature person

Honestly, if I could patent a dating question, this would be it.

He broke up with me over the phone 5 weeks ago, told me to never contact him again. I didn’t reach out at all and still haven’t.

Last Friday it would’ve been our three year anniversary and I found flowers on my doorstep. They were absolutely from him but had no note or anything and he’s not messaged me since.

I was calm about it when it happened but the more I think the angrier I am getting and now I’m spiralling. How dare he leave flowers on a day that was for celebrating our relationship when he threw it all away so easily. Wtf would go through your head to think this is a good idea? Did he genuinely think it was a nice thing to do?????

Without even a sorry?!! Or a note. I’ve cried nearly every single day since we broke up. I keep trying to stop thinki bc about what the intention behind them were. If he wanted to speak to me, he could. Why has he not said anything. I feel sick :(

During the breakup, I was honestly much kinder and more gracious than I probably needed to be. I didn’t express my anger, or how hurt I actually was. I stayed calm and respectful and basically made the breakup very easy for him.
Now I’m wondering if that affected him at all.
Would an avoidant be more affected by someone remaining kind and composed rather than getting angry or confronting them? Part of me wonders whether seeing that I wasn’t going to fight, guilt him, or lash out made him feel the loss more or whether expressing my anger would have made a bigger emotional impact on him.
I also wonder if I protected him from seeing the consequences of how he treated me. If I had told him how angry and hurt I was, would that have hurt him more, or would it simply have made him withdraw further?
Has anyone experienced this? Did you regret being too gracious during an avoidant breakup?

I am a little over 2 months post discard. The most traumatic breakup of my life. I am still not feeling human. Yesterday I had a realization that I’m sure many will disagree with. I do not have to go no contact and not say anything out of fear that he won’t come back. If I have to shrink and hide my feelings to get him to walk through the door, I don’t want him. And that’s hard to say because oh my god I wish he would walk through the door. I will not fight, or beg, or blow up his phone, but he doesn’t get to walk away fine without knowing the hurt he caused without a peep from me. So I broke no contact yesterday. I tried to be secure, kind, and direct. I didn’t get everything I needed from talking obviously, but I did gain some insight, and I feel better afterwards for taking control of my life, after torturing myself for 2 months trying to stay quiet.

He broke up, I accepted and moved on. Had been in no contact for a couple of months when he sent a breadcrumb which I declined (I won't go much into detail for privacy reasons). What does usually come after that doesn't work for them? Any experiences?

For context, I believe he was a fearful avoidant.

I had a pretty intense sexual attraction with my avoidant, and I’m fairly certain the attraction was mutual. He was very physically affectionate during intimacy very touchy and affectionate but he wasn’t very good at aftercare.

After sex, he would sometimes become noticeably more distant or withdrawn. It wasn’t necessarily that he was cold during intimacy, quite the opposite. The contrast afterward was what confused me.

Is this common with avoidant attachment? Can someone genuinely feel strong sexual attraction and enjoy physical intimacy but then feel the need to create distance afterward because the emotional closeness feels overwhelming? I’m curious whether others have experienced this dynamic: intense physical/sexual connection followed by emotional withdrawal afterward?

At the start it was instant chemistry, a feeling of knowing each other already, we discussed our souls knowing each other from past lives..... and while the rest of the relationship followed what I can safely now diagnose as a classic avoidant pattern, the relationship did deepen and we did discover that we are incredibly similar and highly compatible people who get on like a house on fire, have a high attraction to each other and my body felt like it resonated at the same frequency to hers....I can't explain it but it felt like a soul or twin flame connection..it was only 3 months and tbh i am absolutely ruined from it, all of a sudden there is "not enough feelings to continue" questioning whether any of it was real.....is this just the spell these people cast on you? Does everyone who gets fucked over by them feel like this at the start too?

Do avoidants ever cry, feel pain, feel ashamed, or even depressed during the months following the breakup ?

Idk, I feel like I’m stuck in the process of recovery and of grief because if I had only one evidence this breakup has hurt him in a way, I would be more at peace with myself.

I’m not mature enough and I would lie if I told you « I don’t care wherever he suffers from the breakup or not, I only focus on me 🤗 » idccccc I want him to feel at least 5% of the pain I felt

__________________

I’m traumatized. 😀

The 2nd (and final) discard happened 6 months ago, over the phone, on Valentine’s Day. Never heard about him since then.

Not a single sign he’s alive.

Except he is posting on social media and it looks like life is going amazing for him, more money, more professional opportunities, a lot of vacations with his friends, he hard launched her girlfriend on IG and went on vacations with her (he never posted me in 2 years of relationship and broke up 1 week before our first vacations together)

I still cry like crazy to this day. Not because I love him and want him back, but because of the anger, the pain and the sadness.

Like, how can someone be so cruel and so fake and life treat them so good and they sleep so well at night ?

I know this is going to piss some people off, but I think “No Contact” gets treated with way too much moral reverence. Specifically by Avoidants.

NOTE: I am specifically referring in this post to the avoidant person who broke up and then said they needed a no contact. Not the person who was broken up with.

Obviously there are situations where NC is necessary. Abuse. Stalking. Repeated harassment. Someone who will not leave you alone after a clear breakup.

But somewhere along the way, people started acting like total disappearance is automatically the healthiest and most emotionally mature way to handle any painful relationship ending.

Sometimes it isn’t.

Sometimes it’s just a discard with better PR.

You can say:

“I need to protect my peace.”

“I need to prioritize myself.”

“This contact is dysregulating.”

“I need space to heal.”

But if the practical result is that someone you loved yesterday suddenly loses all access to you, gets no meaningful closure, no timeline, no avenue for repair, and is expected to quietly disappear while you frame any objection as another boundary violation, what exactly distinguishes that from discarding them?

The terminology?

Because your therapist listened to only your self-aggrandizing half of a story and suggested it?

There’s also a bizarre asymmetry built into a lot of NC discourse. The person initiating it is encouraged to treat distance as healing, empowering, and self-protective. The person receiving it is told that wanting clarification, reassurance, or even a final conversation means they “can’t respect boundaries” and need to work on themselves.

One person’s attachment distress becomes sacred.

The other person’s attachment distress becomes pathology.

And “temporary space” can become especially cruel when nobody will define temporary. A few days becomes a week. A week becomes several weeks. Every attempt to ask where things stand supposedly proves why more distance is necessary. Eventually the relationship has been starved to death, but nobody technically “killed” it because every individual withdrawal was framed as self-care.

At some point, distance stops being a treatment for the relationship.

It becomes the mechanism by which the relationship is ended. With no one to blame but the weather.

I’m not arguing that anyone owes an ex unlimited access. They don’t.

I’m arguing that No Contact is a behavior, not a moral virtue. Its morality depends on the circumstances, the proportionality, what preceded it, and how it is used.

Sometimes NC is protection.

Sometimes NC is necessary closure.

And sometimes it’s:

“I don’t want to tolerate the discomfort of resolving this, so I’m going to disappear and call the disappearance healing.”

That’s still a discard.

It just arrived carrying a therapy-speak dictionary and a complete inversion of what boundaries are supposed to be for.

Boundaries are not weapons for hurting someone while you get to keep your own personal myth about yourself. They are not insulation that lets you say whatever you want while silencing the person you claim to care about. They are not a magic exemption from reciprocity, consistency, accountability, or actually hearing the other person out.

You don’t get to say, “I understand that my repeatedly pulling away is distressing you, I understand that refusing to tolerate any perspective but my own makes you feel erased, and I understand that you’re asking me for a mature conversation instead of another withdrawal,” and then immediately follow it with, “but I’m doing it anyway, and here are six morally elevated therapy words explaining why my needs outrank yours.”

Boundaries are for situations where someone repeatedly refuses to respect you, where engaging just drags you back into them being destructive to your life with no attempt on their part to understand how they’re fucking your shit up, and you need to cut them out because no matter what you say, they won’t hear you.

There’s a strong element of personal accountability there that determines NC versus Discard.

That is NOT the same as leading someone on, accepting their restraint, preserving their emotional investment, and then the moment they ask for consistency saying, “This is why I have BOUNDARIES,” like you just played a trump card that ends the conversation. One is organic, the other can be engineered by an Avoidant to say that any contact is just far too distressing while never having engaged honestly, and essentially stringing their partner turned victim along with moving goalposts.

That isn’t healthy boundary-setting.
It’s unilateral control dressed up as emotional hygiene.

Today I read a post of someone writing about how not everybody that ends a relationship is an avoidant, and yes, I agree. But I have to say that most of us here have gone through a very similar pattern that is worth noticing and that is very damaging: intense attention, care, presence, big plans, big promises, and then, one day, without a previous degrading of the relationship due to issues or incompatibilities, gone.

In many of this stories (including mine) they just disappear, ghost, block, send breakup texts, not even a real conversation were both get to say their piece and a real goodbye. Yes, they may just woke up that day and realized that they don't really love you/like you, or they suddenly lost feelings, but first of all, how? How do you suddenly loss feelings for a person you have been with for a while, with whom you are building a life together, making plans and that you have an 80/20 or 90/10 good relationship with, etc, is that normal? If that is not just simple avoidant attachment, it's deep immaturity. Relationships are not only roses and rainbows, they have challenges; there is no perfect partner, you choose one you like enough and you are compatible with and make it work. So, if the people that end relationships like this do it because they suddenly "lost feelings", I mean, you can do it respectfully and in a human way - or maybe just don't make believe the person you are with that you are ready and serious about the relationship. I don't know if this is a trend nowadays - leaving a significant relationship so suddenly and through the most cold venue, like a text or simply leave without explanation - but it is something very damaging to the person on the receiving end and I think it has not been talked about enough.

So, yeah, maybe not all of this people are avoidants in the sense of the attachment style, or maybe they are worse than that, but the impact of such an abrupt, cold and sometimes cruel ending, it's what brought us here to have support.

Would love to hear if you were also left in a cold and cruel way - abrupt switch and erasure overnight -.

Sending hugs

Guys, I think I’ve just caught myself experiencing a deactivation moment for the first time, and I want to share it because it might help you understand a little better what avoidant people actually feel when they pull away from you.

I’m fearful-avoidant. Two days ago, I started talking to an old school friend again because I had really missed him. We hadn’t properly talked for almost ten years. We immediately fell into this warm, vulnerable conversation, and I really enjoyed it. I expected the conversation to continue with the same intensity the next day, but my friend apparently decided to slow things down a little and was sending me normal, warm messages instead. I got scared that I was losing the connection, so I sent him another fairly vulnerable message and went to sleep.

In the morning, I got a message from him, but it wasn’t as warm as I had expected. I felt these strange waves inside me beginning to gather and move toward the center of my chest, as if they were about to turn into a sharp burst of pain. I was already waiting for the wave of pain to hit me, but suddenly I lost all sensitivity. The pain never came. It felt almost exactly like anesthesia at the dentist when you’re having a tooth pulled: you can feel that something should hurt, but you can’t actually feel the pain. There was no fear, no pain, no obvious point where I could turn things around. Everything inside simply went numb, and my interest in the person disappeared. It literally happened in a second. I didn’t decide to leave, and I didn’t consciously choose to end the connection — I simply stopped wanting contact.

Right now, I have enough self-awareness not to immediately decide that the other person is bad. But in the past, I probably would have explained the sudden change in my feelings with something like, “Ugh, he’s awful. He’s treating me badly,” and walked away. And I wouldn’t even have been able to explain exactly why I was leaving, because there was no real reason. That wave of pain disappears too quickly, and without emotional awareness and a lot of practice, it can be incredibly difficult to catch it and understand what is actually happening. The pain disappears before you have a chance to recognize it.

I probably would have simply withdrawn and stopped maintaining contact. I just wouldn’t feel any need for the person anymore. And if my friend started trying to get even closer to me or tried to understand why I suddenly became distant, I probably would have blocked him. There is no real reason for the withdrawal. I simply perceived his response as not being warm enough, and that’s it — the process starts. And here’s the really strange part: if he suddenly became warm again right now, I probably wouldn’t experience it as warmth. I would be much more likely to perceive it as an attempt to push his way back into my space. That’s why I can understand why people often advise anxious partners not to chase an avoidant person in this state — giving them some space may allow the numbness to pass before the person makes a decision based entirely on that state.

For now, I’ve decided not to do anything with this reaction. A part of me wants to immediately end the contact and get this person out of my life, while another, smaller part of me doesn’t actually want to lose this connection. This is someone I’ve known for many years, and he has never hurt me or treated me badly. He has always been kind to me and, as far as I can remember, has always been on my side. I think that if there had been a history of him hurting me or treating me badly, the avoidant part of me would probably have won and I would have walked away. But there isn’t one. So I’m trying to hold on to the connection despite the urge to run, and I sent him a neutral message about a movie.

I don’t know how he will perceive it, because compared to our previous conversations, it is definitely much colder. But I really want to preserve this connection, and I’m trying to do it in the way that is available to me right now. Because the alternative, in this state, would be to withdraw completely and stop talking to him. And I don’t want to do that.

I hope sharing this helps people understand the mechanism from the inside a little better. Six months ago, I was dating a fearful-avoidant person and got blocked by him, so I understand, at least to some extent, what it feels like to be on both sides of this dynamic. It really isn’t easy.

I’ve noticed a lot of mixed opinions on their behavior and actions. So here’s everything you need to know about them:

Avoidants aren’t bad, cruel, mean or nasty people. This is not an avoidant trait because this is not an attachment style trait. Secure or anxious people could be mean or cruel too.

Their longing for intimacy, romance and building a loving relationship fires up simultaneously with their fear of being engulfed and losing independence resulting in the deactivation behavior. This is why a lot of you experience the push-pull dynamic loop. One follows the other.

It’s like how your nervous system learned to stay away from a hot vessel and only attend it when it is at a safe temperature. Their nervous system learned this exact thing just in terms of intimacy and attachment.

So they pull away when the fear of attending a hot vessel rises and come back when it’s safe for them. Of course, this is not a healthy thing to do and not justified for their partners but they don’t know how to deal with it.

Not all of them come back though. The ones with a high degree of avoidance and least self-awareness don’t always come back. But when the avoidants come back, it means they think they can fix it this time until they repeat their deactivation cycle.

It’s not that they don’t love you. They’ve got hearts too. So when they try to stick with you even after all your venting or mean comments or remarks, they did love you as it takes a gulp of self-esteem to return to you even after all that.

Chasing, calling them out on how they treated you, everything wrong they did to you or texting them multiple times won’t make them come to you. But giving them ample space, being highly patient and being okay with them working on their own terms won’t fix your relationship either.

It’s not about your space, your patience, or your boundaries. When they’re faced with a situation to show up, be accountable and be responsible adults, your relationship will suffer.

So don’t listen to avoidants who say that a secure partner heals them or claiming that they heal within the relationship itself. That’s not true rather that’s a way to avoid working on themselves and putting in the effort and accountability stuff. They’re unhealed avoidants because guess who is to be blamed if even that relationship doesn’t work out?

Rare relationships where people have claimed to have a loving and lasting relationship with avoidants… well, their avoidants were deeply self-aware and it took a lot of mental strength and work to make the relationship successful. Not everyone will be doing it.

Not all the avoidants cheat and not all avoidants need new partners or have backups every now and then. Again, this is not a trait of attachment style. You surely must have come across people who cheat on their partners just because they can. It tells about their mindset and the environment they grew up in.

Avoidants could be deeply loyal too and I think most of them out there are.

Bottomline line is, none of what I said above excuses their behavior but it doesn’t label them as unlovable, undeserving of love too. They’re humans with a mostly disturbed and difficult childhood where they learned to handle their emotions and needs themselves when it wasn’t supposed to be so.

In most cases, you’ll find that they have at least one emotionally unavailable parent.

They’re more willing to spend time with friends and family because the bond with friends doesn’t need to make them accountable of anything. Mostly, it’s just surface level. Have them share an apartment with their friends and they’ll see a lot of stuff too.

With parents, a lot of them have had to parent their parents and of course they love their parents but they have deactivation phases with them too. And one of them is almost emotionally unavailable mostly, so not a lot of pressure.

Dynamics are mostly mechanical in friendships and with parents. That’s why you’ll see most of the avoidants won’t have photos with their friends and family. And most of their photos are resting bitch face lol though they do share some laughs with them.

And yeah, most of them will also have a resting bitch face with you. Though they could be smiling among your friends and family members with you.

Avoidants do know exactly what they’re doing. They know every bit of it but they can’t help it. And in the process, they fail to be accountable, responsible and repair the wounds of the relationship.

.
.
.
Understand that if your relationship doesn’t give you mental peace, happiness and the willingness to choose the same person every day, it’s not the relationship that’ll last long or be a happy one for the longest time.

Next Time you find yourself with any partner be it avoidant, anxious, secure or anyone… evaluate your relationship based on these factors below, and you’ll know if it’s worth it in the long run. This works even when any person returns after a break, breakup or any of that shit:

1. Emotional Safety: Feeling secure enough to be vulnerable, honest, and yourself without fear of rejection or abandonment.

2. Reliability & Consistency: Knowing you can count on each other and that words are generally followed by actions.

3. Repair After Conflict: Returning to difficult conversations, taking responsibility, and making meaningful behavioral changes.

4. Reciprocity: Both partners consistently contribute love, effort, attention, and initiative.

5. Shared Reality & Integration: Gradually building a life together that includes friends, family, routines, experiences, and future plans.

6. Emotional Responsiveness: Being genuinely present and supportive when your partner is struggling, celebrating, or needing connection.

7. Respect: Honoring each other’s boundaries, dignity, autonomy, values, and legitimate needs even during disagreements.

8. Growth Mindset: Being willing to reflect, learn, adapt, and work on yourself and the relationship over time.

In most cases, the score would be low, lesser than four, and that’s your sign to leave because if you don’t, you’ll be sabotaging yourself and change into a person who you weren’t when you met your avoidant.

Don’t lose yourself for a person. Know when to leave, easier said than done, but the long term rewards are multifold.

If your avoidant doesn’t put in the work and keeps you hanging for long because of the push-pull cycle, ask yourself if you’d want to have kids and build a family with them. Ask what will the bond look like between you and your parents, her parents, her etc. include all the combinations and you’ll have your answer.

The purpose of this post was to understand a bit about them at once and not demonize them based on behaviors you assume are avoindant-traits.

I genuinely used to think that people broke up with you because you didn’t treat them well or the love disappeared because one or both of them stopped trying to keep the relationship alive

Being left BECAUSE you love them is excruciating pain I never thought possible

It leaves you feeling defective and not good enough

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone

I recently broke up with my scared dismissive avoidant partner since her stonewalling, shutting down, and pulling away drives me crazy.

However, we both know that we love each other and that our feelings are genuine.

However, I want her to meet me halfway, in a way that I could respect her boundaries when she needs space or take some time alone, but she doesn't want to communicate with me like a proper and normal adult.

I don't know, I guess I am still attached and clinging on to the potential or hope that she will change for the better and regret that I left her.

I just want to go back to the way it was when things were so good.

I really miss her.

If you want to do it with me, comment Day 1 and then whenever you get the urge to check come back to this post and tell us what day your on instead. We can all keep each other accountable and encourage each other when the urge gets bad. I made this bold writing because its the main point of the post, i hope we all healll lets do this!❤️

Does anyone else keep checking their ex’s socials even though you know you’ll feel worse afterwards but now wants to quit and srsly start their healing journey?

I’ve realised I’m genuinely addicted to checking my ex’s socials and I need to put an end to it because it’s hurting me SO SO badly. I can go a week without checking and then the urge gets so bad that I find a way to look, and every single time I regret it. Seeing him posting, flexing and living his new life adding women like nothing happened makes me feel sick and I end up crying and overthinking everything all over again. Hes doing everything he said he wouldnt do and his ego cost us our relationship... to see him fill the voids this way has made me never want to go back.

So I’m making a decision for at least 30 days then 40 and onwards. No fake accounts, no looking through friends accounts, no searching their name, nothing. I don’t care if I get the urge, I’m not doing it its killed me off.

For 30 days:

• No checking their profile
• No checking their stories
• No checking followers/following
• No fake accounts to check.
• keeping them blocked or muted.

If your in a similar situation and your also struggling with checking your ex’s socials, please join me. We can hold each other accountable and come back here when we get the urge instead of checking. I dont want to be alone in this :( i srsly want to heal im sick of this. Knowing each day hes posting is hurting ive deleted social medias and blocked him EVERYWHERE and made the fake acc and checked and its set me back, never again.

Even if you’ve relapsed 100 times, start again today. I’m starting todayy.

Did anyone else get this response from their ex when you asked to get your emotional needs met and complained about how they treated you? That that is just who they are, and that by being "unable to accept" it, you're just proving that you don't like them as a person?

I still can't wrap my head around this logic several months after the breakup. I genuinely loved, admired, and respected the person she intrinsically is. My complaints were never directed at who she was but at her way of interacting with other people. I didn't ask for perfection, just an acknowledgment of what she was doing and a promise to try to do better. I was 1000% willing to work on her patterns together.

Like for many of you, my ex started out extremely loving and affectionate, and did things for me that the person she became never even would have dreamed of. So I know that she's theoretically capable of being a good partner.

I don't understand (I do from a psychological perspective, but not emotionally) how you can just 1) turn those emotions off, and 2) apparently CHOOSE to continue treating people poorly if you're made aware that you've been hurting someone.

I kept thinking that those behaviors weren't who she truly was and that they could be worked on, because she was so wonderful in so many other respects, and deciding to continue treating people badly if you have the option to do otherwise goes against everything I stand for. I can't believe someone would do this.