u/Creative-Repair8705

He broke up with me over the phone 5 weeks ago, told me to never contact him again. I didn’t reach out at all and still haven’t.

Last Friday it would’ve been our three year anniversary and I found flowers on my doorstep. They were absolutely from him but had no note or anything and he’s not messaged me since.

I was calm about it when it happened but the more I think the angrier I am getting and now I’m spiralling. How dare he leave flowers on a day that was for celebrating our relationship when he threw it all away so easily. Wtf would go through your head to think this is a good idea? Did he genuinely think it was a nice thing to do?????

Without even a sorry?!! Or a note. I’ve cried nearly every single day since we broke up. I keep trying to stop thinki bc about what the intention behind them were. If he wanted to speak to me, he could. Why has he not said anything. I feel sick :(

My ex told me to never contact him again and hung up on me over a silly misunderstanding the day before his birthday. Id spent money, planned a whole day for him for the next day but obviously was all waste. It’s now been a month and I didn’t reach out once, as he requested but have been absolutely heartbroken. He left flowers outside of my door on Friday, what would’ve been our three year anniversary. There was no note or anything and while I appreciate the gesture, I am a bit disheartened there’s no actual apology. It’s now 3 days later and he’s not reached out in any other way.

I’m not sure if this is just a way of him not having to face the guilt and expecting me to message saying thank you and everything go back to normal? I know communication is difficult and he probably is really embarrassed about what he did but also, I don’t even know what his intentions are.

I’m just really confused, I’ve had a month of silence questioning what on earth I did, crying everyday, I’ve lost a tonne of weight and generally felt horrendous. This week was the first week I have actually started to feel better, and now he pops up again. How can you just disappear on someone you supposedly love like that? Of course I still love him and I don’t think he’s inherently a bad person, I don’t think I can’t put myself through it again though and how would I ever trust him? I don’t know what to do.

I cannot get this right no matter how hard I try.

Currently using Cerave PM as this seems to give close to the level of hydration I need but I’m sure it’s clogging my pores and I’m going through it so quickly as I have to use so many pumps.

I’ve also recently tried Cetaphil Daily Hydrating moisturiser but this gave me blackheads and comedones on my cheeks. Lots of the products I’ve tried for oily/clog prone skin are not hydrating enough and my skin over compensates by getting super oily or it just feels really tight.

Can anyone recommend anything else for a mid-range budget?

I’m struggling with this. I don’t want to and won’t reach out BUT I can’t stop myself looking. I’m not following them anywhere anymore and have removed their number from my phone. I haven’t deleted our messages yet, this makes me feel a bit sick. 3 years and it all just gone.

I’m considering blocking but worried I’ll just unblock to look. They don’t care about me, I know they don’t. I do feel better than at the beginning but every time I see a change I spiral.

Any tips or tricks or any completely unhinged ways you stopped yourself looking? I don’t really want to deactivate.

It’s nearly been a month. Things ended so abruptly and I never saw it coming. I didn’t get any explanation, just a brutal cut off.

I thought he might come back a few days after but he never did. I expected an apology at least, even if he still didn’t want the relationship. I’ve been ok but struggling with not being able to stop thinking about how things ended. I want him to come back and tell me it was all a big mistake but I know what happened will have caused too much damage to repair.

I wont reach out, I just wish I understood. ☹️

He ended things in a really angry and abrupt way. Told me to never contact him again after a misunderstanding about plans and hung up on me. The next day was his birthday. I had planned a day he would’ve loved but I respected his wishes and didn’t even contact him. I’m regretting this now and I wish I’d just said happy birthday. I feel so guilty.

I was okay for the first 3 weeks but past this point, for the last week I just keep spiralling. I can’t stop crying. He hasn’t reached out at all and neither have I. I don’t know if he hates me, if he realises he overreacted, whether he’s ok. I know none of it matters but my brain won’t stop. I’ve had panic attacks every single day. How was everything fine and then suddenly not? How did everything just change in a split second? I know he loved me but how did it just disappear? I’m really struggling. I feel sick constantly and I’ve lost a stupid amount of weight. I feel like I’m an absolutely awful person and I can’t shake it.

We were together for 3 years. He was my first relationship since a very abusive one. When I met him he seemed kind, considerate, understanding and told me he’d gone to therapy himself. I told him all my triggers and everything that had happened in my past relationship.

About 6 months in, I noticed some shady behaviour with his phone. I mentioned it to him after observing it for a little while. It came out he was still in contact with his ex. He wasn’t upfront about it and had met her behind my back and not told me. He apologised and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

After this happened, the weird behaviour continued. I’d pick up on little lies and say that his story didn’t add up and he’d get mad. In one fight, he told me my triggers and trauma from past relationships were causing all of this, and if I didn’t arrange therapy then the relationship was over. I panicked and literally had this arranged by the next day.

I spend two years in weekly therapy, where I learnt boundaries, how to speak up for myself, how to approach conflict healthily. I realised I had suppressed so many things in life. I did EMDR and processed every bit of trauma that I could possibly remember. It was so so difficult.

But alongside this, my partner started to become more reactive to me. I started noticing his defensiveness, blame shifting and him talking me in circles when I approached things with him. I started to say no to things and he’d stonewall me because he didn’t get his own way. When he’d disappear for days on end, I wouldn’t beg him to speak to me anymore. I learnt his behaviour wasn’t about me. He was still telling me I needed more therapy and whatever I was doing wasn’t working. It was difficult because I knew what he was doing wasn’t right, but I think I was in too deep to leave. If I met him again now, I’d see it all a mile off.

I look back at the beginning of the relationship, and yes I am sure I did become overly paranoid about little things, but his behaviour was wrong and I can see some of the things he said to me and blamed on me, were just him gaslighting and deflecting. The ‘you need therapy’ ultimatum, was him blame shifting. His behaviour was shady and I had every right to bring it up, I just had no trust in myself. But thank goodness I listened and went.

I do think the change in myself contributed to the ending of the relationship. We did have good times, and he was lovely, my brain still struggles to separate the good from the bad, it was like two different people. But he couldn’t handle being held accountable for anything and I wasn’t afraid to tell him his behaviour was unacceptable. He got nastier and nastier towards the end and when he realised he couldn’t shift the blame anymore, he’d just walk out or hang up on me. I honestly feel sorry for him.

It’s been 3 weeks since he discarded me in the heat of the moment and I’ve not heard anything from him since. How he did it was brutal, usually he will reach out after a few days but this time nothing.

After 3 years together, I’m so angry that he had that little respect for me to end things the way he did but at the same time I miss him so much, it’s making me feel sick.

I’ve really felt ok up until now, I’ve been trying to remember my self worth and just knowing I can never go back. But today I feel sad, I can’t decide if I’m absolutely fuming and want to tell him how much he hurt me, or tell him that I miss him and just want him back. I’m trying to sit with the feeling and do nothing but it’s so hard. I deserve better than this.

It’s been 10 days since he brutally told me to never contact him again. After being discarded 7 (this is embarrassing) times before, each time it’s gotten easier not hearing from him. The first day or so, I felt distraught because the way he spoke to me was harsher than ever before and he went from being lovely to this monster in the space of 30 minutes. It felt different to all the other times so maybe he really did mean it.

BUT, the ‘never contact me again’, has set a boundary that I will not overstep. I will respect this and I won’t contact him. And I think this has made it easier in a way. He hasn’t tried to contact me, but removing him from everywhere visible has removed the ache whenever I see his name and no new messages. The majority of the days have been peaceful. I’m not worrying about saying the wrong thing, reacting in the wrong way, being blown up at, having to listen to him ranting about how awful his life is. I checked his social media once, and that was a mistake but I’ve felt fine again since.

I don’t know what the point in this post is, I guess I didn’t expect to feel this ok so soon? I am sure there’ll still be ups and downs, but to anyone else also in the same position, it will be ok and we deserve so much better.

It’s been 10 days since he brutally told me to never contact him again. After being discarded 7 (this is embarrassing) times before, each time it’s gotten easier not hearing from him. The first day or so, I felt distraught because the way he spoke to me was harsher than ever before and he went from being lovely to this monster in the space of 30 minutes. It felt different to all the other times so maybe he really did mean it.

BUT, the ‘never contact me again’, has set a boundary that I will not overstep. I will respect this and I won’t contact him. And I think this has made it easier in a way. He hasn’t tried to contact me, but removing him from everywhere visible has removed the ache whenever I see his name and no new messages. The majority of the days have been peaceful. I’m not worrying about saying the wrong thing, reacting in the wrong way, being blown up at, having to listen to him ranting about how awful his life is. I checked his social media once, and that was a mistake but I’ve felt fine again since.

I don’t know what the point in this post is, I guess I didn’t expect to feel this ok so soon? I am sure there’ll still be ups and downs, but to anyone else also in the same position, it will be ok and we deserve so much better.

I truly believe my ex has BPD. I thought he was just avoidant but I think there’s more to it. I know putting a label on his behaviour doesn’t make a difference, it’s still wrong, but reading through posts here have helped me understand things won’t ever change.

I feel like a shell of myself. For the last 3 years, I’ve continually put his needs in front of my own, supported him and got nothing in return. He’s lied to me, disrespected me and been downright cruel so many times. He cut me off in anger one night and I haven’t heard from him since. The lack of respect has cut deepest but I shouldn’t have expected any different.

He cut me off multiple times and came back like nothing happened. He apologised but it never felt real. Every time I bought up an issue or just asked him to acknowledge my feelings, he blame shifted, told me I was too sensitive or just exploded at me and became a totally different person. Eventually he would end up walking out on me or kicking me out to shut down a conversation, or if we were on the phone he would just hang up. Then didn’t understand why I told him I didn’t feel safe to live with him, and would just blame me and say that I was making excuses or purposely sabotaging.

He would tell me he didn’t love me and that I was ruining his life. The support I gave him was never returned and if I was ever poorly/unhappy I was treated like an inconvenience. If I wasn’t my happiest self, he wouldn’t want to be around me because I made him ‘uncomfortable’, even if I wasn’t asking for anything. Again, he would walk out or kick me out depending where we were. Everything was about him and he wouldn’t even consider my point of view. He’d also constantly assume the worst intent in every single thing I did. I’d try and reassure him and explain that wasn’t what I’d meant, sometimes he’d say he understood but then he’d just bring it up again the next time we had a fight and use it against me, and it’d hurt even more that again, he’d probably just agreed to shut me up.

He’d tell me in his past relationships no one had ever made him this angry and I constantly made him anxious. I told him if I was making him anxious in any way at all, he needed to tell me but his response was always ‘I shouldn’t feel like this in the first place’. He’d never discuss it and again, it was always used against me in fights. He would constantly talk at me about how bad his life was and how he was such a victim of every single situation. I’d try and help or give advice and there was always a reason why not.

It hasn’t even been two weeks, I stupidly looked at his social media and he’s already following a tonne of new girls. I’ve removed him now but there was a small hope inside me that he might come back again although I know it’s for the best he doesn’t.