r/coparenting

Does being available give you access?

Coparent and I are in family court. I was the primary parent with 100% of her our toddlers care until this past month. Our child is 18 months old

I wanted full custody but the other parent has since stepped up and has done some semblance of a 2 2 3.

Separation anxiety in our child has increased since this started and there are not sizable safety concerns … just concerns over coercive control and behavior from the other parent which i just endure and try to create a loving and supportive routine for our child despite schemes from the other parent.

Other parent quit their job as soon as the temporary custody and support were ordered (50/50 and other parent pays $200/week.)

Childcare is $400/week and our child loves her daycare! I’ve covered the full cost of this for 5 months since I went back to work.

Court ordered the other parent to pay half.

Now other parent has decided that since they aren’t working they will take our child every day, regardless of whether or not it is my parenting day.

My issue is that control is always present from other parent. This is yet another slippery move that doesn’t benefit our child.

For a number of reasons I would like our child to continue FT at her daycare toddler room. Other parent is claiming that I have an issue with them having constant access to our child. I do

Other parent went from 0 time during pregnancy and infancy to immediate 50:50 and falls short on many things that daycare is providing.

Also if it’s the other parents day if you are available because you are home not working you can just have access to your child?

How do you handle this?

\* I am a teacher so im available all breaks and all summer. Does this mean that I would be able to have our child during all of my off time if the other parent is working?

How do you address this in court/ parenting plan

I’m not sure if this is the right sub but I really want the coparent to remove my last name.

During the divorce I just really wanted her out of my life so bad that I didn’t even think about asking that in the divorce agreement. Is it possible for me to take this to court and ask for that? I just can’t handle such a bad decision carrying my last name all over.

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here, I hope someone can maybe see a solution I’m not seeing because I’m too close to the situation.

So. My son is 12, we’ll call him O, he’s an only child. He’s never known his bio dad but when he was about a year old I met G and G has been his father figure since then.

G and I broke up about 4 years ago, it was emotionally messy but not legally messy. I stopped talking to G because he would cry in front of my child or get moody and snippy so I gave up. I’m now in a stable long term relationship, and G has dated a bit too. O still goes to his house for holidays and every second weekend.

A week ago my son came home from Gs house and told me Gs new gf has a child with autism, ADHD and anger issues. This child is 8, swears at his mother and tells her to F*** off, breaks things, yells a lot, and O just doesn’t want to be around him. O said G told him this wasn’t even that bad because he’s worse when he’s actually angry and now my son is scared of this child throwing things at him or hitting him. G also told him that at some point they would be brothers so he needed to get along with him (apparently he changed it later to ‘if you want to be brothers’).

I sent G a txt saying O doesn’t want to be around this child, and it seems like he has good reason, please keep them seperate, that sort of thing. He didn’t reply, when I went to his house a couple of days ago to pick up O we had a chat about it that very quickly turned heated and we ended up yelling at each other (something we have never done, I used to back down a lot).

His main points were 1.it’s my (op) fault because I left. 2. The child has good reason to be angry/upset/ so on. 3. What about when they move in with him? 4. He asked me not to bring my partner around for pickup/drop off and yet I did once ( my car was having an issue, we parked in the drive, it had been two years since we broke up)

My stance is that’s nice, I’m glad he’s in a good relationship, she sounds lovely, but my priority is my child. Her child can have the biggest sad story on earth (it’s now come out he maybe adopted by her?) but he isn’t my priority. My priority is that my child has a safe stable home to grow up in, and if he can’t provide that then O not coming back. I also lost it when he kept bring up our break up. I told him to grow up and get over it , which wasn’t very nice.

Now he’s txt apologising for handling it poorly, and I did too. We are going to have a coffee and talk about it like adults. I sent him a txt saying if he brought up our break up I would leave because it’s not constructive or what we are here to discuss, and it’s disrespectful to his gf, and he hasn’t replied.

I’ve asked my son if Gs gf and her son move in with G will he still go around for weekends and he said no.

I’m sure I’m doing the right thing by pushing this, but I’m also not sure. My son will loose all of his extended family on Gs side, family he’s grown up with and loves. And his dad hes had forever. Or G breaks up with his gf and O feels responsible for Gs misery. Before I knew they were moving in I offered solutions, like picking O up or him staying at a friends house when the gf brought her son over. But if they move in none of that works, obviously. Any thoughts? Thanks.

My 6 year old daughter has bangs. They were getting a little long, and I was going to take her for a trim this week because picture day is in few days. Instead, she came back from her dad’s today with wayyyy thicker, very short bangs that start at basically one ear and go to the next, when she had just a light wispy bang before with face framing. She said her step mom did it. I am so upset. Am I over reacting? I feel like this will take forever to grow back out:( she has been in her life for almost 3 years but there has been consistent over stepping, so I can’t tell if I’m more upset by the pattern or this action.

Backstory: My ex/kids' mom gets our kids every 4th of July and Halloween per our parenting plan. A mistake of mine in mediation, I know. It's painful for me to never get to spend those holidays with them, particularly now that I'm remarried and step-parent two kids who I live with full-time while only having my biological kids 50% of the time. Spending these holidays with my step-kids but never my biological kids always hurts.

So this year, I asked if I could have my kids for Halloween. Their mom agreed. My wife has since decided that she and her 2 kids/my step-kids are going go out of town to visit their grandma. When my ex heard that my step-kids were going to be out of town, she asked for Halloween back. When I said the reason I had asked for Halloween was primarily so that I could have the holiday with the kids and not miss every Halloween in their childhoods, she replied:

"Thank you for clarifying your reason for asking about Halloween. My intention behind agreeing was for the kids to share a Halloween with their step-siblings while they were still small. That has changed.

However, if we continually differ to the kids preferences, I am okay with wherever we end up.

I will let the kids know they have some options even though their step-mom is out of town with the younger kids. I will also let them know if they want to continue traditions here, we will be trick or treating around my house and their friends are welcome to join us.

Let me know what they share with you."

I know that in the grand scheme of things this is a little thing. And honestly, it shouldn't surprise me that she doesn't care about my relationship with my kids at all. But it still surprised me. I thought her willingness to give me the holiday this year was a step towards both of us being reasonable/understanding toward each other. Guess I'll just go back to assuming the worst.

Am I wrong for feeling like my attorney isn't handling my case well? I filed in June, he was served in July and his mandatory financial affidavits were supposed to be due over a month ago. He has not responded to the case nor has he hired his own attorney yet. It's not October and we still don't have his financial info and my attorney still has not filed a motion for it to be in default. If him & I could agree to settle things outside of court, she told me in August she would draft a settlement offer but didn't sent it until over a month later when I had to keep following up on it. The parenting plan she sent was rushed and didn't have anything in it that we previously spoke on. She told me she would reach out to him for his financial documents, when I followed up weeks later she said "I didn't contact him yet but I did see his contract online" ... I have asked her if he still has not provided any financial info can she contact his job directly to receive them and she has not. They were due over a month ago, am I wrong for wanting her to do what she can to get the information?

I need financial support, we have twins and I feel like my case isn't being handled with urgency. Also on top of my retainer fee, I am paying $750 a month for each month the case is pending. So since she is taking so much time to get back to me or file necessary documents this is causing a huge strain on me financially.

At this point would it be worth it to try to hire a new attorney?

I apologize in advance for the formatting of this!

Our 2 1/2 year old daughter became sick this past Thursday evening and Friday morning I took her to the doctor. She was going to be with her Dad this weekend so I wanted to make sure we knew what was going on before she left. She has a viral infection and a double ear infection and was prescribed two meds, one being antibiotics and the other being allergy meds.
-Her father wanted to pick her up early and I’ve never said no to that, I asked him if he could pick up her medications from the pharmacy on the way into town, he lives three hours away, he accepts. He tells me he has a coupon for them and that his buddy works at that exact pharmacy, whatever, I think, just get the meds lol.
-We meet and she gets picked up, she’s still clearly very sick but I’m relieved we know why and that she’s got her prescribed medication.
-The first Friday night went by decently.
-That next day he texts me complaining that she won’t eat and she’s irritable. I say well of course, she’s sick. Her throat is probably irritated and she’s scared she’ll choke on her food while coughing, since she’s two and this is her first “real sickness”. I repeat the importance of hydration.
-he continued to text me, demanding I give him ideas on how to feed and deal with her. In my head I’m annoyed because Google is free; but of course I’m going to help him brainstorm, I say cold things like yogurts and popsicles and pickles. He says he’s going to take her to Walmart for socks because she wants them, I say that’s crazy since she’s sick, and to stay home. He insists it’s going to be quick and I push back, he agrees to keep her home.
-Saturday night he said she’s all bundled up and ready for bed, and that he thinks she’ll sleep way better that night.
-Sunday morning he says he didn’t get any sleep because she woke him up constantly coughing and wanting water and that she barely slept too. I said well she’s sick.
-He claims he wants to take her to the ER even though she has no fever, I say if he thinks she needs it then by all means please go!
-they say she’s mildly dehydrated but she’s okay.
-he drops her off hours early saying he has to leave or he’ll be fired and that he’s exhausted and will fall asleep on his long drive out of town for work if he didn’t leave then. I push back a little but ultimately take her because why argue when he’s made his point clear?
-I unpack her bag and find Walgreens brand 6-11year old allergy meds, I text him and ask what meds he’s been giving her. He explicitly says it was only the two prescribed meds and Tylenol. I ask why that’s in there and he says the pharmacist said it was okay, and that the doctors at the ER told him the same thing.
-I tell him I’m going to call the ER myself and ask, all of a sudden he’s sending a long paragraph about how people were in and out of the ER and there was “so much going on” that he can’t remember everything.
-ER disputes his claim and says they would NEVER tell him that was okay to do, that they would’ve prescribed her an appropriate allergy medication.
-I call him out and he says I’m just wanting to argue and that he doesn’t have the energy to fight with me, and that he’s worked more this week than I have in my entire life, which is random and irrelevant and just not true lmao.
-now his story is that the pharmacist consulted with him about it and said it was okay, so I’m waiting to hear back from the pharmacy on the validity of that story.

-I’ve been worried in the past about him putting her to sleep very early so he can get drunk with his buddies since he’s off work those weekends too. I had no proof other than mothers intuition, but with the wording from Saturday evening about how he thought it was going to go, I can’t help but think he gave her that so she’d be knocked out Saturday while he drank, then it had the adverse affect and caused her to be awake and irritated, hence why they’re both tired and she seemingly got worse after her doctors visit for a common viral illness.

Im super weirded out by what’s happened and so upset that all he needed to do was give her the prescribed meds. I find it alarming that he never mentioned buying the other meds, consulting the pharmacist, and then lied about the ER situation. Especially considering he hounded me about what food to give her, acting like he was super concerned she wasn’t eating, but never told me she was taking more meds other than what’s prescribed. Let alone meds for an older and way bigger child. Am I doing too much and if not/so what advice would others have for me? Has anyone else dealt with this or something similar? TIA

Children 10 and 7

Children left home alone after school for two hours until parent arrives home from work.

Children left home while parent attends exercise classes

Children left home in the evening while parent is out to dinner with friends.

The parent is very aware of what is legal and illegal in the state and claims they are doing nothing wrong which by the letter of the law is correct.

Unfortunately, the two children have said multiple times they are uncomfortable being left alone. They do not want to be left alone. The climax of the issue was them being left home alone at 8 PM and their iPad which they use in an emergency was not working. They frantically looked for a way to contact the parent who was supposed to be taking care of them and were unable to get a hold of them. Thankfully, a neighbor stopped by realized the children were in distress and allowed them to use their phone to contact the other parent who was then able to get a hold of the parent who was supposed to be taking care of them..

Aside from having yet another conversation with the parent about the children being uncomfortable being left alone and being told that it won’t happen again What does the other parent do?

I have a coparenting relationship that I am less than fond of. I’m at the point where when we see each other, I can’t even muster a word for her.

I’m torn because I wish we could have a productive relationship. I’d rather have a cooperative coparent than a fiery foe.

I’m about to get married. The kids will be there. Do I allow the kids to tell her, or do I give her a heads up?

(if you can't be kind or helpful pls just scroll on)

I don't want our 12yo daughter attending sleepovers if men or older brothers will be present. I know women can groom too so I'm not a fan of any kinda of sleepovers unless I know the person very very well. And even then.

I shut down when I try to message him about it. What useful things can I say when he's not interested in listening to me, and mostly seems to want to either make me feel bad or get his way, or both.

I know apparently it's "not all men" but it's every woman. Every woman I know, including me, has a story of abuse or assault, many of which were CSA.