I'm talking about the stuffies the kids want/need to cuddle with every night in order to sleep. Do you send them back and forth? Do you have one in each home and just let your kid have an existential crisis?
My friends 10 year old son starts crying whenever he gets on the phone with his mom during dad’s parenting time. This has been going on since he was 5 years old and bio dad chalked it up to age since he was still so young and obviously misses his mom.. but is getting concerned about how strong the reaction still is at son’s current age. Son doesn’t ask to call mom, the calls happen because the mom asks. Dad is okay with the calls as he doesn’t want to hinder any communication between them, but doesn’t feel easy about how upset and dysregulated his son gets during the call and afterwards(sometimes takes a day or 2 for kid to get back to normal self.) Should the calls still happen? Any advice how to handle this? There’s nothing in the parenting plan stating a call is mandatory.
new to this life. dad and I split up before baby was born. he’s currently 4 months old and breastfed. dad moved about 40 mins away and doesn’t have a car. what is an appropriate schedule for dad to see baby? dad comes to my home after work Thursday and works from my home on Fridays to be with him and I have been taking him there to see him on weekends but it’s affecting my mental health at this point.
If your coparent offered you more parenting time and you wanted it, but you have to wait 1 year to go back and modify the parenting time schedule, what would you do?
My coparent keeps suggesting I used his girlfriend as my babysitter when one is needed for work. This ends up being for about 4 hours a day a few times a week. I’ve repeatedly told him no. This woman absolutely hates me and has since they first started dating a little over a year ago. She has said this to my face, over text, and post on social media. (Post sent to me by mutuals) I’ve honestly lost count of the amount of times she has said something awful to me or talked smack online. I honestly really don’t care that she doesn’t like me but it’s relevant to the current situation.
Any times in the last few months I’ve talked to coparent about child care changes it’s sparked a big debate between us. This is something new and he has never suggested this before or even bother to make suggestions when I tried to talk to him about it before so i eventually stopped asking for help and just started letting him know when changes happen days in advance. During the specific times a babysitter is needed both coparent and I are working and always falls under my legal parenting time. He thinks that even though it’s all under my parenting time I should let his girlfriend babysit our child while we work because she is the only person he trust to watch our child. I have declined every time telling him I’m not comfortable with that option but he can send me suggestions and I consider them as well as I will also consult him on people I think are appropriate. Then he starts going off on me saying I’m bitter, jealous, childish, and hateful for not doing it his way just because I don’t like her. I’ve explained to him multiple times it’s not that I don’t like her I just don’t feel comfortable letting anyone who has been so extremely verbal about their hate towards me being allowed unsupervised access to our child for any amount of time let alone for hours. Our child is very young and cannot advocate for themselves if something were to happen regardless of who is babysitting them.
Yes realistically it would be common sense that since she is dating coparent she wouldn’t do anything or let anything happen but something in my gut is screaming at me don’t do it . Am I really being difficult by not doing what he says and not using his girlfriend as a babysitter during the hours I need child care or am I just being firm on a boundary I have in place for anyone who hates me?
How do you handle repeated dishonesty about who’s around your child when you have no intention of trying to prove it yourself?
I’m looking for advice from people who have been through custody litigation.
One thing I genuinely struggle to understand is this: if there is nothing inappropriate about a third party being present, why continue denying it?
I’m not talking about trying to catch anyone or prove anything. In fact, I have no intention of driving by the house, conducting surveillance, following anyone, or trying to gather evidence myself. I don’t want to do anything that could make the situation worse or reflect poorly in court.
My difficulty is that what I’m told often doesn’t align with what I later experience or independently observe in the normal course of life. That disconnect makes it hard to know when I can reasonably rely on what I’m being told, especially when it involves the home where my child also lives during the other parent’s parenting time.
Part of what makes this so frustrating is that there are countless ways someone could be present without me ever knowing. They work together, so they could ride home together. Someone else could drop her off. She could be dropped off nearby and walk over. He could pick her up from another location before returning home. There are so many possibilities.
The point is I truly have no idea, and I’m not trying to figure it out. I’m not interested in investigating anyone’s personal life.
What I’m trying to understand is this:
If someone is repeatedly dishonest about a third party being present, how does that ever come to light if you’re not trying to catch them?
Has anyone had the truth come out through discovery, witnesses, admissions, or the legal process rather than personal investigation?
How do courts generally view a pattern of dishonesty if it becomes relevant?
From a psychological standpoint, if someone feels the need to continue denying something, what is usually driving that? Privacy? Avoiding conflict? Fear of legal consequences? Something else?
I’m not trying to control who my co-parent dates. My concern is transparency and trust when it comes to the adults who may be regularly around my child. I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who’s navigated a similar situation and chose to let the legal process—not personal investigation—handle it.
Given he has denied this exact third party involvement since Jan and finally admitted what he previously denied in May. Therefore, my trust was so broken. I have since tried to rebuild until he breaks it again himself.
Do you guys have specifics on your child’s birthday in your parenting plan?
My ex the last 3 years has left our sons birthday party up to me and didn’t even acknowledge his 2nd & 3rd birthday day of. He sent our son some gifts last year which was better than complete silence but I’ve been organizing and doing his parties. I’m also the only one who has anything to do with schooling and extracurriculars so I’m the only one who knows our son’s friends. I planned our sons birthday party on a Sunday as that’s the day he comes home from his dad parenting time, i told my ex of this when i sent invites out to confirm my son would just be picked up a bit early so he could make his party. This gave my ex the entire weekend to plan something.
It’s now a week before the party and he’s telling me he wants to take our son to an indoor waterpark for the entire weekend and keep him until Monday. I objected and reminded him of the party, and how i told him a month in advance. He’s now guilting me and telling me I’m denying my son fun experiences to be petty, and that our son would much prefer a theme park over a party.
I planned the party on a Sunday to specifically avoid possible issues, our son originally comes home at 2 according to our parenting plan, party is set for 3pm and we only live 10 minutes from eachother. I do allow us to deviate from the parenting plan occasionally, if our son wants to stay for dinner at his dad’s i usually let him. He’s threatening to go back to court over this. I’m tempted to just let him. But my concern now is i send my son for his weekend and he takes him to the amusement park and my son misses his party
I know there has been discussion about the pros and cons of week on/week off schedule. Our 3 kids are currently 12,10, and 8 and it's something we wonder might be the preferred schedule as they get older. Emotional, they will be fine. They do great with long stretches with either parent. My main concern is staying connected with their school work and social life during those pivotal years. We also have 2 very different co-parents. So I imagine habits and rules at home will be very different. To me, it feels like a lot can happen in a week. Would love to hear thoughts on managing this schedule from this perspective.
Have something you want to talk about that you don't want to make a whole post for? It can go here. Need to get something off your chest? Venting in this post is OK.
My neighbor who has 2 children close in age to mine drops her kids off for "play dates" which last for 5-8 hours a few times a month. I am not taking any payment for this and my husband thinks I'm being taken advantage of and that it's a liability in case something were to happen while they are in my care . My daughter is an only child and really likes playing with her kids so I don't mind watching them. She works long hours and is a single mom so I feel I'm just helping a neighbor out . My husband wants me to stop and thinks the children's father should be stepping up not me . Am I wrong?
I found out that my ex has been bringing a new person around our son without my knowledge, for maybe months at this point. This isn’t in our parenting plan, but it’s sort of an unwritten rule that we communicate with each other about new potential partners meeting our son. I was initially upset, but cooled myself off and eventually texted him to say that if this person is important enough that he’s bringing her around our son then I’d love to meet her.
Next day, we had planned a camping trip for the 4th of July. He had suggested it and in the past (at the best of times) we have been able to take trips like this together without there being any problems. I wanted to leave at 4, at 6 he still wasn’t here and was suppose to pick our son up from summer camp and meet at my place. He arrived with our son and then tells me “I’ll be right back, _____ is in the car and needs a ride.”
This is the first time I’ve heard her name. And the puzzle pieces started clicking together. I realized this was someone who when we were still together, and when my son was less than 6 months old, she was constantly asking my ex for “rides” and he would leave me when I needed him, and our baby, for hours to give her “rides”. I’ll stray away from talking gossip without facts here…but factually, she also has an extensive criminal background. At the time he was using and cheating on me a lot as well.
Car ride up I’m very upset and telling him that this was not okay. I don’t know this person, everything I know about this person isn’t good, and there’s no reason for her to be around our son. We got into a bit of an argument, I’ll spare the details for post length sake. I eventually asked him if we could not bring the subject up for the rest of the trip in order to give the kids a good camping trip.
On the way home the argument started again. In this argument, I stated that I do not want this person around our son until he can learn how to communicate with me about it. (Not saying she absolutely can’t be around him forever, but not for awhile and not without change). He argued that this was completely unfair and I was taking away his freedom and being controlling. (Side note: our current custody arrangement is he has our son every other Saturday evening, Sunday, Monday (before and after school/summer camp), and Tuesday morning. So he doesn’t have him all that often). I told him I would be submitting documentation to the court to have something about introducing our son to new people. He took this as a threat.
Am I coming from a place of jealousy or safety asking for these boundaries? I try to keep my hurt from our relationship out of our coparenting as much as possible. I want to say that these boundaries are reasonable, but want to proceed with confidence in that.
are there any other EOW parents in here who are struggling with “parenting“?
my kid has been really testing limits for the last 2 years. I know I cannot control the other parent and their rules and their household but it’s so tough.
my kid is lying, stealing, and learning to manipulate.
I just found out from another parent that my kid got into a fight after school. apparently she screamed and cussed at another girl, making her cry.
I don’t know what to do. other parent doesn’t care at all. they think our kid “can do no wrong”
How long can this realistically last? The break up isn’t abusive or anything, just really hurtful after 6 years.
My daughter went to stay with her dad this weekend. This is the first time he has spent time with her this year. I was hesitant about it but her older sister is visiting so I agreed. I did not hear any confirmation she was picked up from camp yesterday. I checked on her location and they were about 45 minutes away from home. Fine. I then realized this seem like the address of the woman he cheated with and recently had a baby.
Backstory: Before we separated he was cheating on me with a girl. A few months after I left a baby came out of it. We still own a house together that I’m currently getting a lawyer to do a force to sell.
I reached out he didn’t respond for 2 hours then told me to get a grip. That I don’t make her talk to him when she’s with me. (Mind you he just text her) she’s 7. Pick up a phone to call. Ask to see her.
In all of this I’ve had mixed feelings about this. Should he mention to me he’s bringing her around this new lady and baby? Especially since he hasn’t seen her in months? Or is this okay? Do I need to just heal and move forward let it be? I am trying to work through all these feelings I have been feeling.
My sons are 9 year old (twins). They have been dealing with bed bug bites for the last two months at dad’s house. I wash their clothes immediately when they return and am terrified of them spreading to our home. He did have an inspection, but sent me a message at the time it was supposed to start and said it was all clear so I’m not sure they did a thorough search.
He has repeatedly given our son antibiotics prescribed for dad and has said so on text. However he lies about it and I have to ask multiple times, sometimes over several days, to get an honest answer. This terrifies me as I would have no way to know this if I have to take them to a doctor which is also an issue that has come up recently.
I want to call cps and just document this. I don’t think they would disallow visits, but I do want a paper trail as his reasoning is he can calculate dosages and they end up okay so it’s fine.
I do want to add he will use the fact I gave them hot sauce as punishment over a year ago against me. I have no problem clearing the air immediately and telling cps I did so, but I am terrified that would lead to the kids being removed from my care altogether. It was a very brief thing, against my best judgment, done out of desperation after the escalating behaviors. I don’t spank them or anything like that, but he has made it known if I say anything about the medication he will bring it up. I know it was wrong and I would never even consider doing it again.
We’re in a southern state… does anyone know what would come of it if I did bring cps into this?
My ex and I have a custody order, but I haven’t really been following it. Instead of taking my alternating weekends, I’ve mostly just been seeing my son for the one overnight during the school week.
He’s about to start a new school, and now I’d have to fight rush-hour traffic to pick him up after school (big city) and then take him back the next morning before work. I’m realizing I don’t really want to spend hours every week sitting on the freeway. It’s not what is best for my child.
I’m thinking about asking to switch to Friday nights instead, or just go back to alternating weekends only.
My ex is not flexible and says follow the judge’s order. I can’t do this commute for me or my kid.
Would I be the jerk for asking to change it because I don’t want to spend hours driving every week? Or is that just being realistic?
In our parenting plan we both get 3 or 4 weeks vacation with our son per year. I am wanting to take my son on a vacation at the end of December which would land on his weekend. So he says no, he won’t let me take him. I have offered to trade my weekend the week beforehand but he refuses to have a discussion or even talk about it. He says I should plan the vacation so my son misses school. I don’t agree that he should miss school unless he is sick.
I feel like taking him weekend days vs weekdays on our scheduled days shouldn’t matter. He has taken him on two trips in the last year and I haven’t taken any.
So I have said if I can’t take him on my days, you can’t take him on mine. Which he only has a 3 day stretch at the longest. Right now I am feeling like I will have to settle this in court and I feel like it’s absolutely ridiculous.
My co-parent has been taking the kids on her partners boat. Which is absolutely fine. However she posts a ton pictures and videos and they never ever have life jackets on the kids. Even when the boat is moving at high speed. I’ve googled and life jackets are legally required for kids under 13.
We have very little communication other than strictly scheduling coordination. If I bring it up to her she will make it a big deal that I’m causing issues, controlling her parenting and stalking her social media, which I’m not, we still follow each other on Facebook so I’m going to see it anyway. I’ve thought about just buying life jackets for them and having them bring them next time they go but that won’t end well either. So I guess I’m at a loss, and just hope for the best? I don’t know.
The festival is called Pachena Bay music festival. It is advertised as being kid friendly and all thw dads friends are convincing my Son it will be a good time.
The Dad has taken my Son to many races since he was little and my Son has very bad anxiety about being left in the tent whilst his dad parties till sunrise. I told my ex how my son feels and that he told me he doesn't want to go but my ex told me that it was untrue. He plans on taking him and said there is nothing I can do.
My Son was in tears tonight not wanting to go.
He goes to his dads every other weekend now, it used to be week on week off but my son told him he didn't want to stay over as much because he doesnt feel comfortable at his dads. His dad has him sleeping on rhe couch and there isn't much privacy.
I dont know what I can do about this festival.
My kids are 8 and 10, their Dad and I have been divorced since 2021. The first couple years were the most difficult but we do get along pretty well. We've always done birthday parties together, we do some smaller trips together (like an overnight to a water park). We even do many holidays together. I stay at his house sometimes even though I have my own place. The lines get blurry because we do have some intimacy in the last couple of years. Neither of us have really moved on or had other partners. We communicate well, it's obviously not all easy, he can be stubborn. I get along well with his parents, his mom and I are pretty close. When they do vacations with him (this week they are 6 hours away camping with friends) I struggle. I'm at home, I'm sad to not be with them. It's like instant depression and sadness. I'm not bedridden with depression, I do stuff, but my heart aches and my whole demeanor changes. I don't know how to get over or through these things. Does anyone have suggestions or has anyone had a divorce and coparenting anything like this. So many people say we are the oddest divorced couple they know.