Hey everyone,

Post-breakup single dad here needing some straight-talking advice or perspective from anyone who’s been through the early toddler co-parenting trenches.

My ex (32F) and I (37m) recently split up after 2.5 years (her decision). We hadn’t been getting along for a while and clearly aren't aligned. I work a high-stress, verywell-paid job as a Exec VP. There were faults on both sides, I felt resentful that I was expected to pay for everything when she did nothing but critice me working, we litteraly had a life that most would envy, money wasnt really ever an issue but it would annoy me that i would rarely get a thank you and she would on one hand moan about me working so much and on the other just took it for granted that i paid for everying.

I became emotionally distant due to work stress, burnout, and grieving the loss of a close family member. I sacrificed a lot for the family unit, gave up football, stopped seeing friends,and felt like nothing was ever enough. it didnt matter what i did.

She on the other hand was recentful that she was solo parenting for the first year whilst i was at work. the lack of flowers i bought her (only twice this year) and lack of flirting in our relationship.

I have a lot to work on in regards to how i handle conflict, she would shout whilst i would just get frustrated and shut down. I'm working with a therapist on this now - its definitely a flaw i need to address.

She isn't a monster and she's an amazing mum, and I know she loved me once, but she lost feelings. I catch myself taking 100% of the blame for being distant and wishing I could turn back the clock. She actually broke up with me twice earlier this year, the first time was right when I was in peak grief having lost a close family member and broke down about how much I was struggling. We had a minor argument the next day and she walked, only to take me back a week later. She officially ended things for good at the end of May after i thought we were on a good track. we had done couples councilling which i thought was going well. She was even pushing for another kid.

We co-lived for two months afterward,This is where thing proper went to Sh!t, we had 2 major arguments where i said some awful things to her all triggered by her making arrangment to take my son on 3-4 trips out of town without asking me. This was totally out of character for me.. i've always been a logical calm one in the relationship where as she can be quite firey! although we were still able to have nightly BBQ's and dinner together right up to the point she moved.

She moved out 2 weeks ago and now lives 1 mile away in a small top floor flat/apartment in a not so nice area. whilst i still live in my house which is a detached property with 2 acres of land.

We share a 17-month-old son and are building toward a 50/50 setup (currently I have him 2 nights a week plus another evening for dinner). I’m in therapy and trying to build a bigger, healthier life, but the emotional whiplash is crushing me.

On the surface, co-parenting is ok. We comunicate well, do joint appointments, and handle logistics smoothly. But every time I see her looking great or we share a peaceful moment, it completely short-circuits my brain. Seeing her dressed up when she drops off our son kills me, she’s very attractive, and a big part of me still only wants her.

The "quiet hope" is brutal, especially in the mornings. I constantly catch myself wishing she’d just "pick me" again so we could fix our family, even though I logically know our old dynamic wasn't healthy.

I love my son so much, he's everything to me. But i also miss the family unit so much.

A few specific questions for those who've been here:

• 1. How do you stop reading into the "good" co-parenting moments? How do you kill that quiet hope when you see them multiple times a week and still find them super attractive and miss them?
• 2. How do you navigate the transition with a 17-month-old while juggling a demanding career and pets without burning out?

Appreciate any perspective or tough love from dads who have made it to the other side.

Hey everyone (37M), looking for advice on how to handle the boundary shift over the next few weeks.

My ex (32F) ended our relationship recently, but due to logistics, we’ve been stuck co-living until she moves out next week. It’s been confusing, we still end up chilling together in the evenings, but I am definitely not fully over her yet and am still actively processing the end of our relationship.

Our break up wasnt really that messy, our relationship was mildly toxic and she is very push and Pull. We were Together 2.5 years and she has dumped me 5 times and threatened to leave me many more times if we ever argued. Its generally messed my head up and i'm now in weekly therapy.

Shes an amazing mum and comes accross to everyone else as this fun, happy person but she just doesnt seem to like me. We remain civil though and bar 2 big arguments we generally get on fine. If i come home in a good mood, she is very cold. If i come home and dont speak to her she presses me on what the issue is and acts super nice - Head F*ck!

She is moving into a place less than 1 mile away, and we will be sharing custody of our young son (I’ll have him 3 days / 2 nights a week).

She is adamant that she wants us to be "friends" and is terrified of us falling out. But I just don't want her to still have the benifit of our relationship when she has chosen to leave. I had my faults in the relationship too, i would always shut down in arguments instead of addressing the issue so i'm by no means trying to paint her as a villian. but yeah, i'm kind of bitter she can nuke our family and walk away so easily and down grade her and our sons life.

I’m struggling with a few specific things:

• Social Media: Should I block/unfollow/mute her? With co-parenting, I have to text her about our son anyway, but seeing her life on Instagram while living a mile down the road feels like bad news for my recovery but i know deleting her will cause tension also.
• Money Issues: I’m a very high earner, and will be paying her a large monthly lump sum for maintenance—it actually covers more than her new mortgage payment. Despite this, she’s already started asking for even more money for certain things which has led to some heated arguments.

I want to be a great, responsible dad and keep things peaceful for our son but i just don't know how to handle the situation.

any advice welcome?

Hey everyone. Posting this mostly to vent, get some perspective, and maybe hear from others who have navigated something similar.

I recently got out of a 2.5-year relationship. I’m definitely taking time off to heal and process everything, I don’t plan on dating for a few more months, but my mind is already racing about what re-entering the dating pool is going to look like.

To be completely honest, I’m worried that on paper, I am an absolute minefield of baggage.

The "Red Flag" Ledger

When I look at my life objectively through the lens of modern dating, I feel like I'm going to be judged

• Ex-Partner #1 (Ended in 2023): We were together for 8 years. We didn't have kids, but we did get two dogs together. We currently co-parent the dogs on a week-on, week-off schedule. (Yes, I realize how absurd "dog custody" sounds to anyone outside of it, but I love them). I do not see my ex in Person, drop offs and collections are done from a dog daycare. any communication we have is a single message on drop off today just confirming the dogs are healthy and no concerns... there is no bitterness between us, she is engaged to someone else now and i'm happy for her. I was the one who ended our relationship

• Ex-Partner #2 (Recent): We were together for 2.5 years and have a 16-month-old son. My absolute top priority in life is being a great dad to him. We currently co-parent, and I have him 3 days a week. - So far we get on ok but its certainly early days. She ended the relationship, we had a really rough year (New baby, I lost a close relative) i wanted to try and repair however she just doesnt love me anymore. its the first time in my life i've been dumped and man it hurts but i've accepted it.

The Positive Ledger

To balance out the chaos, I do have a lot going for me that I'm proud of, and I've worked hard to get here:

• Career & Finances: I have a great job in the UK making a six-figure income and am very financially secure.
• Property: I own my own detached house
• Lifestyle: I also own a holiday home in Italy, which is amazing for downtime and getaways.
• Physical: 5.9ft / muscular buld / facially attractive.

The Dilemma

On one hand, I feel like I have stability, emotional maturity, and a lot to offer a future partner. On the other hand, between a toddler, a weekly dog rotation, and two exes in the background to some degreee, am I just completely undateable?

I by no means want to rush into a new relationship i'm just going through a bit of a crisis thinking i might be alone forever and my dream of have a full house of Kids is dead in the water.

For those of you who date in your 30s with kids from past relationships: How much of a dealbreaker is this level of logistical baggage, and how do you even begin to introduce this stuff to someone new without scaring them off on date one?

Hi Guys

For those who have muttered these words after a devastating break up and have gone on to find someone even better, let me hear your stories.

I’m currently in the thick of it right now. My ex has left me and we share an 18 month old son.

I know we are incompatible and I didn’t even enjoy being in the relationship. It was mildly toxic from both sides..
But now it’s ended and she is moving out.. I look at her as the hottest and most perfect women alive!

Hi Guys

For those who have muttered these words after a devastating break up and have gone on to find someone even better, let me hear your stories.

I’m currently in the thick of it right now. My ex has left me and we share an 18 month old son.

I know we are incompatible and I didn’t even enjoy being in the relationship. It was mildly toxic from both sides..
But now it’s ended and she is moving out.. I look at her as the hottest and most perfect women alive!

Hi everyone. I honestly don't even know where to type this out, my head feels like it's tearing apart. I could really use some outside perspective.

My partner and I are splitting up, she ended things at the end of May. She has purchased a property just a few minutes down the road and is moving out very soon. We have an 18-month-old toddler, so we are going to be co-parenting closely.

Since the breakup, things have been an absolute emotional blur. We've had two major bust-ups, but generally, we've still been getting on really well, we have dinner together as a family most nights and hang out as normal. It’s a nightmare trying to fully detach, especially since there's been a lot of push-and-pull, she sends mixed signals, I still find her very attractive, and when we get on, we get on well.

I'm definitely more hurt by the breakup than she is. She gets a fresh environment, while I'm stuck staying in our house, which is going to feel completely strange and hollow once she's actually gone. On top of having a very small support network outside of family, the loneliness is crushing.

My work have been great and have suggested they send me on a 2-to-3-week work trip to Asia starting right when she moves out.

• The Pros: It feels like an escape hatch from walking into an empty house and staring at the walls while my head spins. It would force physical distance and break the immediate shockwave. Honestly, I'm worried I wouldn't be a present or functional dad if I stayed right through the rawest part of the move.
• The Cons: I'd be away from my son for a couple of weeks, and the dad guilt is massive, even though I could do daily video calls. It feels selfish to even consider leaving.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you survive the acute phase of a breakup with a toddler when your home suddenly feels empty and you've been living in this weird limbo of still hanging out? Should I take the trip to get some physical space, or will it just make things worse?

Any advice, thoughts, or hard truths are welcome. I'm just struggling hard right now.

36M - Recently separated, 15-month-old son, two dogs, demanding job. Is my future as bleak as it feels right now?

 

I'm looking for some honest perspectives because I'm struggling to see beyond the next few months.

 

My ex and I separated at the end of May after 3 years together. We're still living together for now, but she'll be moving into an apartment about 5 minutes away in August. We are on good terms and both committed to doing what's best for our 15-month-old son.

 

We've agreed a short-term transition plan where I'll have him 2 nights a week plus an additional visit during the week, so I'll still be seeing him regularly.

 

I also have two dogs (aged 5 and 6) that I co-parent with a previous ex. We were together for 7 years and have a week-on/week-off arrangement with them. I absolutely adore the dogs, but they are also a lot of responsibility!

 

On top of that, I have a very good job (six-figure salary – GBP ) but it's demanding and involves occasional travel, usually about a week every couple of months.

 

I'm completely heartbroken, but I know deep down that the breakup was probably the right decision. My head knows that, but my heart hasn't caught up yet.

I still find my ex Super attractive which is weird as I didn’t when we were together – I’m hoping this fades over time!

A few weeks ago I went through what I can only describe as two weeks of sheer terror and anxiety. I was asking myself:

How am I going to cope with a toddler?

How am I going to manage the dogs?

How am I going to balance everything with work?

How am I going to handle being alone?

I’ve failed my son!

I’m never going to have the family I always wanted!

Nobody will ever date me again / I will be alone forever!

I'm a bit more level-headed now, but it's still a daily battle. Some days I'm okay, other days I take a massive dip and end up talking to a crisis counsellor. I’m blessed that I have private health cover so I can call a councillor 24 hours a day and I have a face to face therapist I see each week.

the smallest thing can trigger me, yesterday he did something cute in the morning and instead of me enjoying the moment. my mind just tripped to - next month

Its peak of summer in the UK now and every morning I cross my fingers hoping for grey clouds so I can justify going to bed early.

 

A big source of anxiety is my son. He absolutely adores his mum. They co-sleep every night and he's a terrible sleeper who wakes every couple of hours. His mum has only spent 3 nights away from him since he was born so I have limited solo night time experience (this was not by choice)

I feel like I’m a burden on him taking him away from her so I can see him. Like I feel so selfish!

 I'm 36, in good shape and exercise regularly, but I honestly worry that loneliness is going to be my biggest challenge.

 The reality is that outside work I don't have much of a local support network. I have one close friend nearby who has been brilliant throughout all this. Most of my other close friends now live in Australia, the USA, Dubai, or elsewhere overseas.

I have a small family and 2 M sibling of similar age to me. My mum is amazing and currently already looks after my son 2 days a week. I do have colleagues but being in a senior position I generally have to keep a bit of distance.

2 of my freinds who live overseas are meeting in Asia in November, they have invited me and i know if will be an amazing trip but i'm hesitant to go - i just think it will be weird being so far away from my son knowing he's not in my house!

Part of the issue is my ex has a massive social circle of friends and family so obviously I have been cut off from this which has been a big part of my life for the last 3 years.

 

What scares me is the thought of:

• Parenting alone when I have my son (I have no idea why as Its not an alien experience)
• Sitting alone in an empty house when I don't have him.
• Travelling for work and feeling like there's nobody waiting for me at home.
• Trying to build a social life again in my mid-30s.
• Trying to look after 2 dogs and a toddler at the same time.

 I know people survive situations far worse than this every day, but right now it genuinely feels like my entire life has been turned upside down.

For those who have been through separation with a young child:

 

Did things get easier?

Did you eventually stop feeling so overwhelmed and lonely?

And does my situation sound as bad from the outside as it feels from the inside right now?

Should i go on holiday and forget the dad guilt?

Am I crazy to even be partly considering giving up my dogs?

Am I crazy to be considering taking a demotion at work?

36M - Recently separated, 15-month-old son, two dogs, demanding job. Is my future as bleak as it feels right now?

 

I'm looking for some honest perspectives because I'm struggling to see beyond the next few months.

 

My ex and I separated at the end of May after 3 years together. We're still living together for now, but she'll be moving into an apartment about 5 minutes away in August. We are on good terms and both committed to doing what's best for our 15-month-old son.

 

We've agreed a short-term transition plan where I'll have him 2 nights a week plus an additional visit during the week, so I'll still be seeing him regularly.

 

I also have two dogs (aged 5 and 6) that I co-parent with a previous ex. We were together for 7 years and have a week-on/week-off arrangement with them. I absolutely adore the dogs, but they are also a lot of responsibility!

 

On top of that, I have a very good job (six-figure salary – GBP ) but it's demanding and involves occasional travel, usually about a week every couple of months.

 

I'm completely heartbroken, but I know deep down that the breakup was probably the right decision. My head knows that, but my heart hasn't caught up yet.

I still find my ex Super attractive which is weird as I didn’t when we were together – I’m hoping this fades over time!

A few weeks ago I went through what I can only describe as two weeks of sheer terror and anxiety. I was asking myself:

How am I going to cope with a toddler?

How am I going to manage the dogs?

How am I going to balance everything with work?

How am I going to handle being alone?

I’ve failed my son!

I’m never going to have the family I always wanted!

Nobody will ever date me again / I will be alone forever!

I'm a bit more level-headed now, but it's still a daily battle. Some days I'm okay, other days I take a massive dip and end up talking to a crisis counsellor. I’m blessed that I have private health cover so I can call a councillor 24 hours a day and I have a face to face therapist I see each week.

the smallest thing can trigger me, yesterday he did something cute in the morning and instead of me enjoying the moment. my mind just tripped to - next month

Its peak of summer in the UK now and every morning I cross my fingers hoping for grey clouds so I can justify going to bed early.

 

A big source of anxiety is my son. He absolutely adores his mum. They co-sleep every night and he's a terrible sleeper who wakes every couple of hours. His mum has only spent 3 nights away from him since he was born so I have limited solo night time experience (this was not by choice)

I feel like I’m a burden on him taking him away from her so I can see him. Like I feel so selfish!

 I'm 36, in good shape and exercise regularly, but I honestly worry that loneliness is going to be my biggest challenge.

 The reality is that outside work I don't have much of a local support network. I have one close friend nearby who has been brilliant throughout all this. Most of my other close friends now live in Australia, the USA, Dubai, or elsewhere overseas.

I have a small family and 2 M sibling of similar age to me. My mum is amazing and currently already looks after my son 2 days a week. I do have colleagues but being in a senior position I generally have to keep a bit of distance.

2 of my freinds who live overseas are meeting in Asia in November, they have invited me and i know if will be an amazing trip but i'm hesitant to go - i just think it will be weird being so far away from my son knowing he's not in my house!

Part of the issue is my ex has a massive social circle of friends and family so obviously I have been cut off from this which has been a big part of my life for the last 3 years.

 

What scares me is the thought of:

• Parenting alone when I have my son (I have no idea why as Its not an alien experience)
• Sitting alone in an empty house when I don't have him.
• Travelling for work and feeling like there's nobody waiting for me at home.
• Trying to build a social life again in my mid-30s.
• Trying to look after 2 dogs and a toddler at the same time.

 I know people survive situations far worse than this every day, but right now it genuinely feels like my entire life has been turned upside down.

For those who have been through separation with a young child:

 

Did things get easier?

Did you eventually stop feeling so overwhelmed and lonely?

And does my situation sound as bad from the outside as it feels from the inside right now?

Should i go on holiday and forget the dad guilt?

Am I crazy to even be partly considering giving up my dogs?

Am I crazy to be considering taking a demotion at work?

Hi everyone, looking for some perspective because my brain is completely fried and I’m dealing with intense emotional whiplash.

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and we have a 1-year-old son together and live in the south of England. She is great most of the time, but when things get rough or stressful, her immediate coping mechanism is to threaten to leave or actually end it with me.

I'm not completely innocent in all of this. I lost someone really close to me last year, which put me into a bit of a spiral and I shut down for a couple of months. I know I should have been more there for her, especially since she was only 6 months post-partum at the time.

Six weeks ago, things were amazing. we seemed to put the passed behind us and were getting excited about the future. Two weeks later, after one argument, she ended it with me and said we should just co-parent under one roof until she saved up enough money to buy her own place. While it wasn't what I wanted to hear, it gave me comfort knowing my little boy would be under my roof full-time for at least another 6 months. the next day she is acting like nothing happened, no intamecy but everything else stayed the same.

We were actually getting along great for about two weeks after that, but then we had a massive argument where shots were fired on both sides. We both said some really nasty stuff to each other.

This is now the 3rd time this year she has ended it with me. When things aren't going well, she just pulls the plug. Once we get back together, it’s like going through the honeymoon phase again, until I drop my guard or we hit a short another rough patch. Our son is only a year old, and I'm more than aware it's a high-pressure environment right now, but she doesn't seem to see it that way.

The day after our big argument, she went out and put an offer in on an apartment. She still has some mortgage and legal hurdles to jump through, but her mind seems completely set on it.

Despite this, we are continuing to get on great under the same roof. We spend most weekends and evening together with our son doing family stuff—going to parks, visiting family, hosting BBQs, and chilling in the garden. She says she wants us to remain "close friends" for the sake of our son and is moving to an apartment within walking distance.

I tried pulling back a bit this week to protect myself emotionally, and she got quite angry with me, accusing me of making things uncomfortable.

My head is absolutely spinning with how to address this.

• Has anyone experienced a partner who uses extreme avoidance/moving out as a coping mechanism for the pressure of a relationship?
• Am I wrong for wanting to set a hard boundary that if she moves out, the "family days" and "best friend" status end, and we become strictly co-parents?

Thanks in advance. Just trying to be the best dad I can be through the chaos but i am also deperate to win my partnerback without chasing her.