r/online_dating_advice

I’m 34F & left a 4 yr relationship in late Dec. I was unhappy for at least a year & felt super free & relieved by March this year.

I joined Hinge for a laugh with no real intention to date until maybe later on in the year & matched with a guy I loosely know from parties when I was around 17-19 (no hookup history btw). Anyway, he was in relationship/married for about 8 years until January this year. They have 2 kids (6+8 year old). I’m childfree by choice (& have had the surgery) but I’m surprisingly tolerable with him having children. He seems like an amazing father so I find that attractive

Anyway, we matched on Hinge (I’ve had him on Instagram/facebook since I was young) & was very surprised to see he was single. We kinda had a chat & vented about our circumstances. I told him that we should catch up when things settle down (me thinking in weeks or months down the track) & he wanted to see me within a few days.

Anyway, we went to a bar & got along super well. We kinda held hands a bit & pecked goodbye & I have seen him 7 times since first week of April. We’ve done a mix of romantic getaway at Airbnb, nature walks, he’s cooked me dinner, and I always stay over at his when I’m visiting him. This is all so unexpected but I really like him. He’s so kind and sweet. We message everyday, send morning/night texts, send occasional heart emojis etc. I really like him but acknowledge we need to take things slow which he has also mentioned given he has kids etc so he said he is hesitant about PDA at this stage (we live in a small town so word would get to the ex wife quickly). He has 50/50 custody & they can apply for divorce after 1 year of separation. I suspect he is a bit worried about complicating things & not having as many rights with the children or her getting unfair and wanting to take money from his businesses when they go through the offical divorce. Plus we haven’t had an exclusive chat so I understand not wanting to show affection in public as it’s basically announcing that you’re together. The vibe between us does feel more romantic and definitely not a fwb.

Anyway, to my point, I really like him & though we should take things slow, I would feel more comfortable if we deleted the apps and didn’t see others. Do you think it’s an appropriate time now (6 weeks of seeing him 1-2 times week) to have that chat & how should I word it? Should I bring it up in person or over text?

Was dating a guy who was also my bestfriend initially. We dated, he knew my stance on sex etc that ibdont wanna increase my body count will do it only if it is serious. He promised to marry, planned the wedding. He was probably lying about his income source and to hide it he did what i am gonna write next.

He told me that his dad would divorce his mom if he gets mareied to me. And that his mom who was in favor begged him to not let the family break apart and without fighting he made his mom do the break up tjing. Infuriated i called tried reàching out, did not respond. Met next day i was broken he said he loves me and he will fix things. Then after a week he started ghosting me and the last thing he said was that his parents have gotten really sick he is also sick amd 2 days je did not receive my 400+ calls nor texted. His mother would not pick up the call either. :)

Hi!

I'm a 20y old woman and there's a guy I really like and I think he likes me too. But I'm scared he still secretly loves his ex because they still follow eachother and like eachothers posts (we aren't dating). I think it's weird because she cheated on him and personally, I wouldn't follow someone then. I just saw stuff online about the first love of a guy and maybe that's why, eventhough she hurt him so bad, he still follows her. (by the way some of their family members also follow them still). They had a rocky relationship, often breaking up but now the final breakup was like 3 years ago.

He doesn't talk about her to me though and I really don't think they ever chat. And he doesn't like all her posts btw, just some.

How can I know if he still likes her and what do you think?

I think my boyfriend’s friend that is a girl has a crush in him and is/has been plotting on him.

For context my boyfriend (18) and i(18) have been dating for over a year and have talked on and off for two-three years before dating. He met his girl best friend about a year before i ever met him.

He never mentioned her when we started talking until the last time we talked before i ghosted him for a few months. When he mentioned her she was brought up as his childhood friend and the only friend he likes to hang out with. She was also the girl he’s gone the farthest with. (Before me) which is already a very grey area. And even more background info on that is he dint even tell me it was her, i figured it out myself after we started dating. My bf use to be an addict and she is still actively an addict. That is how they bonded and became such good friends to begin with. I soon found out that she dosesnt have much friends either and the friends she does have are men. My bf had said himself that “she cant ever keep friends that are girls”. Which if you’re a girl yk exactly why.

My bf only smokes weed now and that is what they do when they hang out. Just smoke and get high. They dont ever do anything else as far as im aware.

Now the reason why i think she wants him or is plotting on him is that she comes to him about everything. Whenever her shitty boyfriends leave her she comes running to MY bf. She talks to my bf about her sex life and what she likes and to me that shit is weird to tell your guy friend. She seeks comfort and support in him which to me feels more than just friendly comfort that shes craving. Her boyfriends usually dont let her be friends with my bf but they talk behind her boyfriends backs anyways.

I dont know if i sound jealous or paranoid but it makes me rather uncomfortable. I trust my bf because i know he loves and cares deeply for me. I’ve also never met or spoke to his girl best friend in over a year of us dating. Let me know your opinion!

Edit: If i asked him to stop being her friend he would but i wouldnt make it stop unless it turned into something weird but atp i wouldnt break up with him immediately because i do not fuck with cheaters

Hi,

I went on a first date with a girl. The date went pretty well, she enjoyed it as did I. The texting before the date was great as well (only 1 day). However long story short I was a total asshole when we texted after the date. She said she was interested to see me again, but her texts slowed down and I interpreted that as a sign she is not interested, and I got frustrated. I crossed her boundaries pretty badly. Badly enough for her to block me.

I sent an apology to her a few days later on a separate ig account, after reflecting on the situation and realising my behaviour was totally unacceptable. A few days later pass and I see that she unblocked me. Does that mean anything to anyone here?

FYI for all of you keyboard warriors, I do not expect this girl to ever see me again. I've accepted that and I will not ask her. I will leave that up to her if she wants to contact me. I will not bother her again.

I'm just interested to know if her unblocking me means anything? The stuff I said was really bad so I don't understand why she would unblock me

I am a 58 year old woman and I am totally exhausted by the dating scene right now. My biggest issue is not even the casual swiping. It is the fact that so many platforms feel like absolute ghost towns. I spend time setting up a nice profile and I match with men but nobody ever replies. It feels like most of the accounts are just abandoned or completely inactive. You send a thoughtful greeting and it just sits there unread for weeks. I just want to talk to a real human being who actually logs in and wants to have a conversation. A friend suggested I try meetmyage because it is supposed to be much more active for our demographic. Do people there actually reply and hold a conversation? I just want to know if the community is full of real everyday users who are genuinely looking to connect before I spend my time learning another platform

I am very cautious about my privacy and financial security since returning to the dating scene after eight years of being single. My career as a real estate agent taught me how to spot red flags from a mile away but the sheer number of fake profiles on free platforms is still overwhelming. I spent my life building a stable nest egg and I have no interest in letting a scammer or a bot compromise my hard work. Most platforms treat user safety as an afterthought which makes the whole experience feel like navigating a minefield. I decided to move my search to sequel because I wanted to be part of a community that values accountability. It is a subscription service but I see it as a necessary filter to ensure that everyone involved is a genuine person with honest intentions. When people are willing to pay for a membership they tend to be more serious about finding a real partner instead of just playing games or wasting time. It gives me a sense of comfort to know that the person I am messaging has gone through a proper check. I finally feel like I am connecting with adults who have similar life standards and responsibilities which builds a solid foundation for trust. It is much easier to open up when you are not constantly looking for hidden motives or signs of a scam. Paying for this level of security is a smart investment in my emotional wellbeing and my future. I would rather spend my money on a platform that respects my boundaries than take a gamble on a site that allows anyone to hide behind a fake identity

Hey yall, I need some advice. I’m currently 18. And im a male ending highschool and I need some advice on “dating” lol. I have no girlfriend and I’m scared ima end up with no one. I don’t even think I’m bad looking. I’ve been told by my friends to start and idk where to start. And making this kinda looks desperate😬 desperate times call for desperate measures I guess😂🤷 if your my age or interested into seeing what I look like, just ask. And if you’re female, don’t be shy please cuz I’m pretty easy to talk to lol.

For some reason, body insecurity I guess, since high school I tried to stay away from girls. I wasn’t ugly, in fact I had girls coming up to me but I always got nervous. Fast forward to now, I’m still a virgin and haven’t even kissed a girl yet. I used to be confident growing up and even arrogant at times but as I got older I didn’t feel valuable because of my package size. I had gained weight after HS and just now I started hitting the gym and got some confidence back and dropped 40lbs.

I got on dating apps and got some matches here and there but there’s this one girl that stood out. I never planned to go on a date, I just used it to gauge the type of women I attracted at the stage I was in. Let’s call her Sally. We’ve been talking for two weeks on hinge everyday. That’s how I know this is a little different than the rest of the matches. It’s got to the point where she’s using words like “us” and “we” to describe things. I can tell she likes the idea she has of me but I don’t think I’m that. I can maybe see what she sees in me but I don’t think she’ll like who I really am. I set a date for some reason this weekend and I wasn’t thinking it through, I wouldn’t have set it up because I’m super nervous still. Bottom line is I told myself I’m following through. For some reason though I feel like this is my only chance because she’s the only girl who actually has a real interest in getting to know men. We’ve been sending big paragraphs back in fourth, nothing compared to other matches you know, I mean it’s night and day.

Im juts looking for guidance and tips guys please. I want her to have a good time regardless if I get a second date out of it. But I’m also freaking out thinking what if it does go good. I don’t know how to make a move? I don’t know how to kiss her? She doesn’t seem the type to hook up on the first date, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I mean I’m not even sure how to do that. I know she likes me for whatever reason and I just don’t want to let her down even though I don’t even know her. Anyone have any thoughts?

I (38)F met a guy (39)M on a dating app. I had mentioned on my profile clearly that I was looking for something long-term. On the other hand. His profile mentioned long-term as well, but was open for short-term on the first date. We hit it off really well. We spent about 2 to 3 hours with endless banters, although he was clear that with me, he wanted something short, and I was okay with it. He would keep calling me endlessly, not just calls but video calls. The proximity was a very big advantage. He lived within the radius of 1.5 km. In fact, I was shifting in the building next to his in one years time. So after the first date he wanted to meet the next day as well, and we kept meeting for an entire week day after day. But, on each call he would talk kinky and tried to know less of or about me. I was wanting things to escalate physically, but that never happened. He would rile me up and never escalated beyond a kiss. The kiss also happened when he confessed that he was divorced twice and that didn’t matter to me as i was having a good time. He confessed he wanted me to know that detail before things escalated. He would make these future plans about vacations etc. He made me meet his entire extended family as well (he didn’t tell me he was doing that) . But, i would even see him getting calls from multiple women when we’d meet plus he mentioned he was in touch with his exes. Since he was not escalating things physically and kept wanting validation from me, i got pissed off and stopped entertaining him. He and his brother invited me for his brother’s wedding but he never followed up with an actual invite and didn’t hear back from him. So i didn’t try as well, the moment he realised his contact was deleted, he tried getting back in touch with calls and messages. I want to understand what does he want? I was okay to keep things physical, gave him multiple signals, he was super attracted to me as well.
He was getting what he wanted (as per our first date what he described). What the hell does he actually want ? Should I actually even answer his call now?
Really need help.

ASK QUESTIONS. BE INTERESTED IN THE PERSON YOU'RE TALKING TO.

This probably feels like an obvious thing to say, but you'd be surprised how often I hear from women that many men act like they have no interest in them as people, and only want to talk about themselves.

On top of that, when they DO engage with a woman they're interested in, a LOT of them either talk down to, or act like they know more than them - ESPECIALLY for things that they're passionate about.

"You like horses? Let me tell you everything I know about horses. Aren't I such a big freaking deal and amazing stud? DO YOU WANT TO DATE ME YET?"

Instead of that, try asking questions, and be curious about them. "How long have you been riding? I've always been interested in trying that, but I heard that it's not very newbie friendly. Would you say that's true?"

PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT STUFF THEY'RE INTERESTED IN. And talking with someone about things that they enjoy is a natural and easy way to build rapport, and to foster a natural connection. I'm saying this, not just as someone who was successful in online dating, but as a person who's talked with a lot of people for a majority of my career. PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK - even introverts, if you find the right topic.

If you're uncomfortable sending the first message on an app, you can even open with a question about something they mention on their profile, and it's ALMOST ALWAYS a good way to get a response, and learn more about the person you're looking to woo.

Bonus points if your profile mentions multiple things that *you're* interested in as well, and you put some effort into giving people a chance to learn about you. Your goal is to create as many opportunities to talk about something as possible - so the more specific content you have on your profile, the better chance someone will have to get to know you, and there will be more things for people to start a conversation with you - in case they reach out first.

As a bit of personal advice, I recommend against going for low-effort profiles (or if you do, don't expect conversations to go far). You can try and match with everyone you come across, but it's nearly impossible to find the person who's right for you when your search pool is gigantic. Be intentional in your outreach, and try to focus on people that seem engaged and give you something to work with in their profiles, beyond a picture.

Assuming you know what your goals are, try to focus on quality over quantity, whenever you can, and your experience will be better.

I'm married now, and well past online dating, but I *did* have pretty good results when I was using the apps. I'm not a model and am probably closer to being slightly above average in terms of looks (I'm certainly not the best looking guy out there), but truthfully the vast majority of people are better looking than they give themselves credit for. Of all the things people (men, women, and other) underestimate about themselves - people often are especially hard on their own looks.

Basic conversation skills and genuine interest go a loooooong way toward building a connection online.

**If any of this is useful, I might make another post about profile quality, getting better matches, and what I learned to look for.

I said those things cus you cheated on me! You stopped answering my phone calls out of nowhere and I thought to myself yeah you’re cheating cus of why I seen and heard. Plus the missing phone calls. I want you back! Come back!!! Please!!! I can’t live without you!!! And after i said those mean things i told you say things like that cus you did something really bad but i never mean any of that stuff. My actions show you that my words don’t mean anything. I love you!! Please come back!!!

Every app I've used for online dating is 99% offering some type of service for money. Are there any other men having this issue. What do other men expect from these women. What's going on. You can't even have a basic conversation with out a woman asking for money. I may just have to start bothering with women in real life. Suck a drag. Online dating use to be fish in a barrel. Only fans ruined dating for men .

So I went on a first date with this guy yesterday
He picked the restaurant, ordered cocktails, kept saying stuff like “I got you” all night… cool

Then the bill comes
This man looks at me dead serious and goes:

“Should we split it?”

I’m not even mad about the money. It’s the fact he acted like a whole gentleman for 2 hours just to hit me with a roommate move at the end 😭

And now I genuinely wanna know:
Do men still believe first dates should be 50/50 or was this a bad sign?

I am a 30f. I have been in a few relationships but Kobe of them worked out. I have been on dating app now and receive messages from guys but how do you decide as to who to date. Reading all of people experiences i am scared to trust anyone to even text

[supprimé]

Possibly Ghosted Help

Last Sunday i matched with a girl, she messaged first and we had a good couple of hours of back and forth messages and i had the courage to ask her if she wanted to join a call and she said yes.

The call went well and was about two hours long, in that call i expressed my interest to go on a date with her and she said she was interested and said she did want to continue talking to me. Unfortunately i was busy the next week so i said to her it would have to be the week after.

The next day i messaged her and she didnt respond for about a day but then she did and she said she was busy and a couple of messages were sent including that the date would be a dinner and how she would get to the city i live near. The restaurant hadnt been completely selected and i was a bit shy in arranging it and said this and she said “dont stress you are doing fine” and then once i said we will arrange closer to that week cause she wasnt sure what day yet in that week we would meet she said sounds like a plan.

This conversation happened early Wednesday and i have since sent two messages just asking about interest in gaming cause i remembered stuff she said in the call and then another message the next day i asked if she wanted to go on another call cause she said she liked it. But no response

Its now Saturday and i have heard nothing, have i been ghosted? I really hope not as i really liked speaking to her.

And we only have been intimate 3 times. There has been some other foreplay, but intercourse only 3. I asked him if that was enough for him he said no. That he has been under stress, he lost his job and was depressed when he wasn’t working. He even said all these excuses and I honestly don’t know. He is consistent, we see each other almost everyday. Have future plans, concerts, going away but I can’t help feel there is something else.

What do you guys think?