r/online_dating_advice

I’m 27 (f) and my ex boyfriend is 33 (m). We were in a relationship for about a year and a half and we were about to get engaged and broke up officially today. In the beginning of our relationship my ex boyfriend said to me he didn’t want a full monogamous relationship in the future (only him seeing others- he doesn’t want me seeing others). I’m a virgin waiting marriage and that really hurt me as that’s everything against I believe. I told him we either break up or you go to therapy to figure this out. He said he’ll go to therapy. We did couples therapy, he has his own therapist. He told me he’s never loved a woman this much in his entire life and he took me ring shopping etc. We recently got into a fight over the monogamy topic and said we need to end because he learned this is who he is and I need to decide now if I should I’ll join him on this life. He said he doesn’t want to break up but I have to be aligned with him on this and he’s in thousands dollars of debt he can’t spend any more time and money on this topic. This extremely hurt me not understanding how he can lose all of this just for occasional one night stands. I feel hurt from this but this topic has been on going for so long that I know exactly what I want and I’m ready to settle down. I can’t tell if it’s too soon for me to be going on new dates. This of course hurts my heart because I loved him but I feel like I’ve been processing this for a long time.

I’m in a bit of a tough spot right now and could really use some perspective on my ethical responsibilities moving forward.

​I’m a 43-year-old guy, fairly attractive, successful, own my home, and generally have my life together. About nine months ago, a year-long relationship of mine came to a sudden end. From my perspective, it was a great relationship, and I fully intended to ask her to marry me someday. Then, out of nowhere, everything fell apart when she discovered a part of my past I hadn't shared.

​

​Thanks to some obsessive snooping by her ex-husband, word got back to her that I’d had a short fling (about a month or so) with a guy I met online years ago. It happened so long ago that I hardly ever think about it, but once she found out, it was all she could focus on.

​While I don't typically broadcast it, if anyone asks, I am openly bisexual. That said, I am not actively seeking men; I haven't been with a guy since last decade. However, this breakup has left me feeling like my potential dating pool is severely damaged.

​Not bringing it up worked perfectly fine for close to a year—until it suddenly didn't.

​I'm at a loss for how to handle this in future relationships and would appreciate some advice:

​Option 1: Complete upfront honesty. Do I disclose this as soon as I get to know someone?

​Option 2: Keep it private. Do I simply not bring it up, consider it my own private history, and hope for the best?

​Option 3: Accept a smaller dating pool. Is this just a reality I have to brace myself for?

​What am I supposed to do here? I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and lonely. Any advice, insight, or outside perspective on how you would look at this situation would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT: I went into my last relationship already knowing that I was 100% clean and STD free, so I didn't feel a need to disclose a bunch of previous sexual history. I would never expose anybody to any type of harm. I would always remain monogamous and I would expect my partner to do the same.

POSSIBLY SENSITIVE SUBJECT: I have other issues that, once again, happened so long ago that I barely think about it but it's something else that whoever I'm dating has to digest. I definitely have quite the reform story, and it's probably a bit much for some women to handle. Back in 2019, my life sucked so bad, for many reasonsthat I was ready to end myself. My attempt, luckily, was unsuccessful, but to add insult to injury I got an burglary charge in the process for taking a $5 hammer from someone's garage to help me finish what I was there to do. Add to that, I'm in recovery today for alcoholism. Nearly 6 years sober, a feat that I am proud of, but not a sexy topic of conversation. None of this is.

I was dating a man for one month I’m 27F and he was 32M. We got along so well and had amazing chemistry, we slept together twice which I don’t normally do at the beginning, (2nd or 3rd date in) but I explained that it felt right in the moment because there was a connection. After the second time I said I wanted to pause having sex because I enjoyed spending time with him and I didn’t want to rush things, he said thanks for letting him know and he enjoys spending time with me too and he didn’t want to ruin it, we told each other we were both looking for long term relationships.

After that, we met up again and had a nice evening, but he initiated sex and we slept together. After this I said I’d like to slow things down because I like him but it was getting too intense and I end up getting emotionally attached which I wanted to slow at this stage, he said that emotional attachment is the point of dating, and that he connects better when sex is involved. After this I said we should slow things down that we should talk to other people. He said that’s okay but that he was confused, however the next day he said he’s not comfortable with seeing other people (understandably) and said he can’t get close to someone who’s talking to others and that it’s ok if I don’t want to see him anymore but also said he would never turn down seeing me again. I said that if we were to be exclusive then we would need to slow sex down because it was happening too quickly. He said he can’t compromise on this because he connects with sex, explaining that he likes spending time with me a lot and complimenting me but then said it wouldn’t work. We nearly broke up, and then I reflected and said I made a mistake about going non-exclusive and that I just freaked out about the pace of things and I’d like to try again and be physical too and let things happen naturally, he said he’d be happy to try again.

After that, he suggested meeting up and we did, we had a really nice evening where it was warm and chemistry was back and we slept together again. However after, he became a bit distant over message and he didn’t plan to make new dates or meet up and the replies were longer (after 3-4 days) I tried to ask if he was okay and he said he doesn’t want us to overanalyse every message, then after his replies (over 3-4 days) were distant I said that I’m actually not ok with having sex before commitment due to the way things were feeling one-sided in effort and that it compromises my values, I said our dating styles are different and I enjoy what we have but I’d rather be honest. He said he agrees and that he doesn’t think it will work and the distance of our location was too far (90 miles). He said we should stop dating but also said I was kind and caring and that I’ll meet someone who suits me better and we broke up.

TL;DR
I guess I’m just struggling with it all. I’m 27 and I haven’t felt like this about someone in a long time, and we both agreed on the first few days and weeks that we felt like we’d known each other for ages. The chemistry and attraction was so strong, I’m worried that I ruined things by saying I can’t have sex before commitment and by saying we should talk to other people and if that confused him. But the whole point was to relieve pressure and because I wanted to slow things down, not because I wasn’t happy with the way things were going (I explained this to him at the time). I’m not sure if anyone has experienced something similar, or know if he’s likely to change his mind in the future?

I don’t know if it’s the small age gap? But I F(24) recently in the 2nd week of June started talking to a guy m(29) and everything was running smoothly until the 2nd week he started talking sexual. He’s told me that he’s waited so long and thinks I’m the one? Mind you we haven’t met in person only FaceTime and talked on the phone. I feel like I should run? But someone said that since he’s older it makes sense that he wants to be sexual?? Idk

Ignore typo please, so basically I am doing ACCA along with my graduation and a full time job, ACCA and bcom is online and there is no female at my workplace, never had a female interaction because my high school was boys only, I have been focusing on my career a lot lately and I am having FOMO of not dating anyone, should I be dating someone or pass my learning phase and get a high paying job first or should I date someone?

I was forced to install bumble by my friends and matched with people instantly. I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, so, I deleted my account in a couple of days but did add a couple of guys on instagram since we spoke a bit. I am a very private person, I don’t usually add people this easily but I did because I thought I might just remove them later if we don’t talk.

1. Background about me: I am a 29F and I have been in long term relationships(3 to be specific) throughout my adulthood. I have mostly gotten involved with people I knew for a while, never tried dating off apps or putting myself out there for people to choose.
   I am also an intriguing introvert to some extent, but once I am comfortable, you’d probably fall in love with me instantly. I have had many friendship breakups with guys because they fell in love with me. I am not saying I am amazing, but not an instant no either because I have a great personality.

2. My date’s background:
   There is a guy that I talked on and off to, nothing solid for a week or two. We suddenly start speaking and he asked if I could meet him. I am pretty new to this, I haven’t gone out on dates with unknown people yet and I asked if we could talk first to be comfortable enough to meet. He agreed and we texted throughout the day and eventually spent 2-5 hours daily over call. We have a lot of similarities and I started bonding too because we were so comfortable discussing sensitive things.

He has dated a lot through apps in the past and also had been in 1 good adult relationship. He really wanted to meet me, and so did I, so I agreed but said that I might be awkward because this is my first time meeting someone off an app.

3. What happened on the date:
   I met him last night and he was pretty calm and comforting but I could not be present in the moment because I was constantly thinking about how confident he is and what if he’d be comparing me to other girls he has met till now.

I was drowned in insecurities like what if he thinks I am not pretty/attractive, what if he’s noticing everything about me and thinking that this is not what he expected. He was wonderful, mind you he could understand that I wasn’t being me and tried calming me through the date. He joked, played games to ease me out of it, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts even when I was talking to him.
I was calmed whenever I was looking at him, but then it hit me that he might be judging me all over- physically more than anything since he knows me well otherwise after all the phone calls.

4. What I need help/advice on:
   Long story short- He was amazing, and I blew it off. I am embarrassed and he’s still trying to be polite and kept checking on me if I am doing okay.

He asked if I’d be this anxious when we meet again or my best and I DO NOT KNOW, I feel embarrassed already. We have so many similarities and could be a good thing but I will need to calm the fuck down. How do I not compare myself to people he has dated before?

I do want to give it a real shot but I also think that he’s just being polite and didn’t actually find a spark. He said that he wants to meet me again because I am smart, attractive and he likes talking to me but he also mentioned that he expected us to connect more than we did on calls.

I am just confused and disappointed. This was my first time trying this and I don’t know what to do about it. There’s no guarantee if I’d be great when we meet next and with that kind of pressure, I most likely will not be. There was always this implicit pressure of making a good impression in the first place.

How do I deal with this? I do need help.

Hello. I recently got out of a relationship because i was so fed up with him watching 🌽.
i caught him him joining multiple gcs for the videos and hiding it from me, it went on and on. I kept on finding sites and videos he was watching.

What are thoughts about guys watching 🌽 while in a relationship. Even when ur partner was uncomfortable with it.

Currently on vacation for the next two weeks and texted the guy I’m seeing (not official yet) saying hi and that I hope he is having a good week and he texted back saying hi and that he hopes I’m having a good trip and said “can’t wait to have you back” what does he mean by that?

So I recently starting talking to this guy. We’ve hung out and he responds throughout the day and tells me he’s interested, but I keep seeing his following go up. Feeling like I’m a second choice has always been an insecurity for me and I know he’s still on the apps and I think he’s adding girl after girl (from the apps) on his instagram. I’ll even see his following go up multiple times while still being on delivered on both instagram and messages.

Now I’m one of those people that can’t talk to/entertain multiple people at once. And we’re not exclusive so it’s fine if he’s talking to other girls. I want to ask him about it (hopefully he’s honest). But why say your this interested in moving forward with me if your adding so many people onto social media.

I guess I’m asking should I bring it up? How should I do it if I do? And what kind of things should I be thinking about it? Because we’re planning on seeing each other again in a few days and I don’t want to bring it up over text, but I also don’t want it to eat away at me. But he’s also not going to have service this weekend, so theres not really a point in bringing it up unless I say something tonight.

Basically, I dated a woman for a very short time (three dates), and I found out she had an fwb while dating me. I wasn't upset, as I get some people do this, but I was not interested. I don't date people who are having or looking for casual sex, as I am looking for something serious, something she said she wanted too. I told her this.

She took it well.

But a few days later, she texted me, and told me she broke things off with her fwb, and asked if we could try again. I told her I appreciate it, but I still wasn't interested. While I didn't tell her this, it was kind of a case of dama

She chewed me the fuck out. Like damn, I got like 10 texts before I blocked her.

In the past I had success with hinge and would find a partner within 3-4months and date for years. Now I’m older so of course the pool is smaller but now I’ve been single for the longest stretch in my adult life.. 1.5yrs and have tried super hard to find connection (I’m 31 now).

I don’t get many matches and the dates I’ve gone on have been just sad. It’s giving me 0 hope…I have my distance out to the max, have a 10yr age range and will date any height. Any help would be great! I fear I’ve lost my chance at love

I'm seeing this person, and it's only been three months, but they don't want to date until a year. However, I've put a lot of money into her and her kid. Even got a truck for her 15 or 16 year old kid and telling me I only doing love bombing her and that why she doesn't want to date

I am a 24 year old woman who had a long history with body dysmorphia. baggy clothes, trying to be invisible, covered mirrors in my room...etc. But eventually at 18, I went to uni, made new friends, was too worried about studies to care about how I look...and the next thing I know, I have gained some confidence? I started dressing better, smiling and laughing in public..etc 

I was even able to talk to a guy for the first time, I was myself. It felt great. Frees up a lot of mental space. I was getting approached in public, complimented by boys and girls...etc

Yet lately (this year specially) I started getting more insecure, I am not so sure what triggered it, but I went back to hunching my shoulders, slightly clenched jaws, talking very little, polite nods and smiles... I started trying to make myself smaller. 

Anyways, at first I was ignoring these signs, but they became a problem. I ended things with the last guy I talked to because I felt incredibly undesired and unwanted. We met at an academic event, he came over, introduced himself and we exchanged phone number under a pretext of work. Eventually we started to talk more often and discussed the possibility of a future together. But what bothered me is his underwhelming behavior about my looks. he would keep telling me "idc about looks, personality is what matters", the last straw was when he told me that I wasn't truly his type...I obviously ended things after that comment.

Now I am talking to someone new, makes effort, kind, has high morals and values, thinks about how his actions can affect me...I can clearly feel that he wants to talk to me, and wants to build a future together. Do I feel like he is attracted to me? NOT AT ALL. We met online and the first time I sent him pics of what I look like....he was just fixated on my glasses, he told me I looked nice almost as an after thought. I ignored it thinking maybe it's because he is religious, maybe he is shy? But then on 3 separate occasions he would ask for my measurements. When I answer he would say "ah I am X height/weight" and it would be less than me, after it by 1 min he would reply with "jk! I am actually Y height/weight" which would be slightly bigger/taller than me. I dont mind being with someone my own height since I am tall, but the way he talks about such stuff makes me feel...HUGE. For context I am 170cm tall and weigh 65kg. Also he Never asked for more pictures??

I genuinely can't tell anymore if someone finds me unattractive or if its just my insecurities.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

Hi everyone,
I’m a 23-year-old guy, and about 50 days ago I started talking to a girl online. We live in different countries, so everything has been long-distance.

For the first month, we talked almost every day. The conversations were natural, long, and enjoyable. We talked about our cultures, families, work, studies, movies, and everyday life. There were no arguments or drama, and we both seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to each other.

One thing she told me early on was that whenever she goes through a difficult period in life, she tends to disappear for a while, focus on herself, and come back once things get better. She described it as a “short period,” but when I asked what she meant by “short,” she couldn’t really give me a timeframe.

About two weeks ago, she suddenly stopped replying to my messages for three days. Naturally, I became worried because this had never happened before.

After those three days, she replied and told me she was okay, that she was going through a difficult time, and that she wanted to focus on work and improving her current situation. She also said she hoped everything would get better soon and that she’d come back once things were okay again.

Since then, we haven’t gone back to talking the way we used to.
Since then, the communication has mostly happened because I check in on her from time to time. Whenever I do, she replies warmly. She has reassured me that she’s okay, thanked me for encouraging her during a difficult time, said my words made her feel a little better, wished me luck with my exams, said she’d pray for me, joked with me, and said she hopes everything gets better soon and that we’ll talk again.

So when we do talk, she doesn’t seem cold or uninterested. The issue is simply that the regular communication hasn’t returned.

I’m trying to be understanding because she did warn me this could happen, but I’m also struggling with the uncertainty because I have no idea whether “a short period” means two weeks, one month, or several months.
I don’t want to put my life on hold waiting, but I also don’t want to start building something meaningful with someone else if there’s a good chance she’ll return and things will go back to how they were.

So I’d really appreciate honest opinions.
How would you interpret this situation?
Would you keep waiting?
At what point would you ask for clarity?
If you were in my position, what would you do?

I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions, even if they aren’t what I want to hear.

Getting bored......what was your weirdest dating experience ?😝.....share if you have any

Hi all.

I am 26 F, And I've been looking for a profile on Facebook dating for 29M, that I was going to swipe right on, And then the page refreshed, so I couldn't. I follow him on social media, I have for a couple years now, as he is a content creator. I've never once talked to him though. Try as I might, I have been unsuccessful to find his dating profile again. Would it be too weird if I were to DM him about the situation and hope that he would get back to me? Or should I just continue looking, hoping the algorithm will suggest him to me again one day? Thanks for the help and suggestions.