r/SingleDads

How do you get over seeing the mother of your children with other people? I was moved in, I thought we were on the road to coming back together when she tells me she’s met someone and wants to bring him over to meet me.

I was floored. We have 3 kids together but have been off and on for 8 years. I’m recently sober but she’s still drinking, she met this fucker at the bar and now she has him living with her and my kids. It’s driving me insane. I had a violent reaction to her showing up with this fucking dude and now she won’t let me get my shit or see the kids. She feeds off drama and I think she knew how I would react to her bringing this dweeb over. I’ll be honest, I’ve seen plenty of other women while we were separated but for some reason it drives me insane to have this fucker living in her house. I feel replaced. I’m no saint in this relationship, am I just too possessive?? Can anyone relate

There’s so much context I can’t type into this box but I’m tossing and turning, unable to sleep thinking of these two together and just wanted advice on how to move on and let her go cuz rn, I am filled with hate.

Hey everyone
So my kids mom is a teacher where she is paid her salary + benefits (retirement, etc), and we live in southern California.

When court looks at child support, are they supposed to look at both salary and the benefits she would receive?

Reason why I ask is in court she submitted only her salary, but I found she potentially is getting an extra $30k in benefits which was not brought up in court. I found out through a public education website which shows their salaries through the district.

I’m 25 and a single dad, and honestly becoming a father changed me completely.

I love my daughter more than anything and I wouldn’t change having her for the world, but I’d be lying if I said being a young single dad hasn’t messed with my confidence sometimes, especially when it comes to dating and thinking about marriage in the future.

Most people my age are still figuring themselves out, going out every weekend, living pretty carefree lives, while I’m focused on work, responsibility, building stability, and trying to become a better man overall. In a lot of ways I feel older mentally than people around me.

I’m also Christian, and I want a serious relationship eventually, not hookups or games. But sometimes I feel like being a single father at 25 automatically puts me at the bottom of the dating pool before someone even gets to know me.

For the older single dads here, did things get better for you over time? Did you eventually find women who accepted your situation and respected you for being a father? And how did you stop feeling like your past permanently changed your chances at having a normal future and family life?

Just looking for honest perspectives from people who’ve lived it.

Weird situation and not sure what to do. Ex wife and I separated in October, finalized in February. I was trying to do everything for her and our daughter and suddenly everything ended, crushed me. I work in a career where dangerous things happen and I had a close call I was struggling to cope with and isolated because she never really was a support for me and that that week of isolation and depression was the catalyst for the divorce according to her. Fast forward and I've been working with a therapist and have been doing great on my own. I see my daughter nearly every day and have been much closer to my old self.

Now for the weird situation.

My family still treats her like family which I respect and expected. However, I have told them that she broke me and they are aware of the impact it all had on me. Everytime we have family things go on she gets invited and she continues to come around and act like nothing changed. We are very civil because I will not create animosity in front of our daughter but now I feel like I have to choose the family that raised me or my own happiness. Wondering if any of you guys have been in something similar. Hoping for some pointers on how you dealt with it. Thanks.

Sup doods

Been a single dad for 7 years now been dating or at least trying to during those years . Dating has been up and down like life usually is. I have dated single moms and women with no kids . Was way more successful I guess with dating women with no kids than single moms ironically. I have attempted to get back with my ex wife/baby mama since 2024 it was a rocky start but I'm starting from the ground up at a very gray area of co-parenting/childhood friend/baby daddy role with no guarantees. All I can do is be there for my daughter, everything else is not in my control. The other thing is we live like 5 minutes away from each other 💀 so that family unit pull to them is extremely strong. I hate my daughter getting used to her parents having different homes but maybe someday it won't be like this . For the dad's how was it dating women out there knowing your focus was getting back with your child's mom? I find it a waste of time to even date seriously tbh , I would just be wasting someone's time . But at the same time I know I need to just allow space and time to do its thing with my child's mom as I know I can't rush that to happen . I tried talking to her about it which didn't go well she seemed kind of flustered and emotional when we had the relationship talk and seemed defensive a bit. I told her I would not bother her . Deep down though I can't pretend I still want to bring the family together. I know that step mom/step dad thing could happen smh if it does in the future I guess I have to be prepared.

Hey dads… so I was married to ex wife/childs mother for 9 years, we divorce 6 years ago and just recently got out of long term relationships and figured why not see if the other person worked on themselves the past 6 years…. I 100% have and was 80% of the reason for divorce. I just wasent a nice/positive guy…
No infidelity etc, just didn’t match well…

So fast forward to 2 months ago, I myself got out of a 4 year relationship and she got out of a 3 year long term.. one day we were simply talking about sport practice for our child and I mentioned my house is quiet again and she says “ really? My as well…”

It started out with me being allowed full access to my child again (was a part time 50/50 for pass 6 years) and we seemed to really really get along well…

What are yalls thoughts??? Let it ride and see what happens? Thanks all

My ex had my daughter failed to disclose my daughter, has refused to meditate or communicate, just ask for child support. I ignored her child support request. I retained a lawyer the lawyer has been MIA. So I decided to take matters in my own hands. Today I had court, the judge deemed I haven’t showed enough interest in seeing or being a dad. So she denied my guardianship order, parenting time & contact order. I explained that how can I have contact with someone clearly ignoring me, it’s been almost a year and my kid would be turning 1 in August 2026. I did all the right steps but respond to the mom’s request for children support resolution.

At what age should dads draw the line on showering with their sons? At what age should sons start being a bit more private about nudity?

I (22M) have been with my ex (20F) for about 7 years and we have two kids together, relationship was kinda messy but it had its moments you know, anyways about 7 months ago she stepped out of our relationship and was seeing this guy (20M) who as any person looking outside of this situation would say, isn’t a standup citizen. But she ended our relationship a month later and left to be with him and since then it has been pretty messy. Her new man threatened me off the first interaction 2 months ago trying to square up trying to assert that he’s here now and I need to know my place, in front of my kids as they were getting picked up by my babymom. At the same point in time she also got knocked up by him and since then she has been trying to ask me for money. Initially I would usually just have items delivered to her house like diapers or wipes or sometimes even clothes and I’d have some stuff at my place for the kids when I had them over which I never had a problem with but I just feel like I shouldn’t be funding both of their “extra decisions”. Last month her new man tried threatening me again to my face trying to square up again as I was dropping the kids off trying to demand me to give them money. I told him “f no I’m not funding your extra choices and he shouldn’t be doing this infront of the kids.” I left the situation so I can still see my kids and visiting since then has been pretty consistent without too many issues.
Last week I tried asking to have the kids for Father’s Day and she tried saying I can have them 9-5 because she has a cousins birthday party to get to, which I had a problem with, I didn’t try and interfere with her spending the day with them for Mother’s Day. I couldn’t even have the kids for my brother’s birthday or my great grandfather who’s probably not gonna be around much longer so despite arguing with a literal brick wall I decided I’ll take it where I could get it and go from there.
Yesterday I was served at my job child support papers and it was calculated $264 I’m not sure if it’s that per week or per month but either way I’m freshly new to this. My mom told me to fight it any way I can. Document that her new partner lives there so that they have to take his income into account along with getting receipts and records in place which I’m in the process of doing. I don’t know if I should get an attorney just for good measure or would I be wasting money at that point? Either way I’m already struggling as a single dad with two kids and this ontop only makes things harder so I’m open to hearing advice from anyone who’s been through it so I know what to do and what to expect.

My wife and I separated in June 2025 after nearly eight years together, married for almost four. We have a daughter who just turned seven and a son who turns three next month. When things ended, we both promised we'd stay friends and do right by our kids. I genuinely believed that. I'm still trying to hold onto it.

The divorce isn't finalized yet. There's still a lot to figure out. We're doing 50/50 week on week off. I'm keeping the house and absorbing all the marital debt from our marriage. She's not pursuing child support — and honestly, if anything, the math would favor me — but I would never do that to her because it only hurts my kids in the end. I'm barely making it work financially, but I am making it work because I have to.

She started dating pretty quickly after we separated. I won't pretend that was easy for me — I had real feelings about it. But I recognized that was my issue to work through, not hers. She waited before introducing anyone to the kids, which I genuinely respect — it's the bare minimum, but she did it.

Here's where it gets harder.

She's now pregnant with her boyfriend's child. They've been living together with my kids for around 4-5 months. They've been dating close to a year. I have never once met this man. When I told her how disrespected that made me feel, she responded that he "doesn't feel comfortable meeting her legal husband." He's comfortable enough to get her pregnant and live under the same roof as my children every other week, but sitting down with me for twenty minutes is too much. I've thought about going around her and introducing myself directly, but I haven't. On top of that, until the divorce is finalized,s he has no legal obligation to give me their address. So I don't know what street my kids sleep on when they're not with me. I don't know where they live. That's a hard thing to sit with.

My daughter just turned seven. Her mom took her to Volcano Bay for her birthday — about a four to five-hour drive from where we live in Savannah, Georgia. None of my daughter's family was there. Just the boyfriend's family. I was told about the trip roughly two weeks before. She says she told me months in advance and has proof, but the only other time I can recall it coming up was a vague mention of maybe doing a cruise or something big for her birthday someday. I could have gone. Financially, I'm stretched thin right now covering everything, but I could have made it work. I chose not to under those circumstances. They didn't get home until 8 p.m. that night. I was a mess all day. I have never missed one of my daughter's birthdays. Not one. And whether it was technically my choice or not, I didn't get to see her on her seventh birthday, and that gutted me. When I brought it up today, my ex said it was my fault. I'm not sure I fully accept that.

My son turns three on June 8th. We had verbally agreed she'd have the kids that day since it fell on a Monday,y and I had work. But it's my week. I decided to take PTO so I can actually spend his birthday with him — I didn't get to see my daughter on he, rs and I'm not doing that again. My ex wasn't happy about it. I offered a compromise: she keeps them until 1:30 since she'd have them Sunday night anyway from the swap. I'm still waiting for a response.

I also wanted to plan a birthday party for him the following weekend and thought about inviting her family — her parents, her brothers and sisters, her nieces and nephews. I still call them that. I love those people. Honestly, I think I miss that family more than I miss anything about the marriage itself. She told me I'm not on good terms with them right now because I got a lawyer to make sure our divorce documents were in order — she had drafted them herself, and they weren't right. So I now feel guilty inviting my own son's family to his birthday party. And I have a feeling everything her family knows about me is filtered entirely through her version of events. The boyfriend, too. He's never met me. The only lens he's ever seen me through is hers.

Here's the thing, though. I've made peace with a lot of this. At the beginning of this process, I blamed myself for everything. I've come to realize I played a part, but it wasn't all me. More importantly, her boyfriend is going to be in my kids' lives forever. He's going to be the father of their little brother. My kids love him, and I'm genuinely glad they do. Having more loving people around them is what matters. I'm okay with all of it because I love my kids that much.

What I'm not okay with is the framing. She consistently reinforces the idea that we are not a family anymore and makes decisions through the lens of not wanting to remind the kids of what they used to have. I understand where that comes from emotionally. But I believe my kids still have a family — it just looks different now. I want them to see both their parents showing up for them at the same time, being peaceful, so they know the two people who love them most can coexist. She shuts that down every time.

We both said we'd do right by our kids. Her idea of what that means and mine are clearly very different things.

I just want amicable love for my kids. Am I being unreasonable?

I am a dad who has decided that I am going to be ending my relationship with my fiancé this year after 6 years do to ongoing mental abuse that’s pushed me past my limits. We have a 2 year old and a 9 month old together who I love more than anything in this world, the best part of my day is coming home and seeing the two of them waiting for me.

Ideally I’d love to be able to have these kids 50/50 and see them as much as I possibly can but with my current job I don’t think I can make that happen ( taking a week off) I would be willing to get another job for their sake but I feel like my only options are some sort of camp job that’s one week on one week off something like that. Is there any other options? What schedules could you recommend?

Also any dads in a similar situation, how did you best handle the first few weeks without the kids there every day? I feel like I would unfortunately fall into a dark place and that scares me.

Afternoon Gents,

Summer is upon us. School vacay, memorial day, independence day, labor day...

Any easy vacation ideas?

This could be a good thread for all ages, but specifically, i have a 2 year old girl. Im hoping to do a 4 day weekend sort of thing.

I live in Michigan. Ive done Pictured Rocks with her last labor day. That was a bit difficult bc its far from where im at in Metro Detroit, but, maybe west Michigan like Sleeping Bear Dunes? Or Traverse City? Or Frankenmuth?

Open to ideas and also travel tips. Im left brained, so, I'll plan this out meticulously. I find everything is easy with kids if there is an itinerary to follow, logistics are handled, etc. When you have a toddler and youre freeballing it never ends well.

So, lets hear some ideas. Please and thank you.

EDIT:

I ended up going big lmao after all that talk about an easy vacation. I bought 2 first class tickets to DC. My mom is meeting us there as some help. But we are doing 4th of July in DC for the 250th Independence Day.

Side note, I financed the entire divorce on my credit card, would do balance transfers to a 0% interest card, then paid it all off when I got the cash from the sale of the house, but I ended up with a LOT of miles from my credit card. I was able to package the flight, hotel, and rental car as one and basically half of it is paid for in rewards miles.

So my ex and I have been separated for almost 3 years now. We share a son he is 5, and mostly with me. He sees her every other weekend and he is a very happy little boy. She has never been a great parent or stable at all. She suffers from BPD, depression, all sorts of shit. This past year, she met some guy and got her into taking Ecstasy, she tells me her life story every time we speak.

I learned she literally takes a some just to go do basic shit like go to the park with our kid or go out to dinner. She has admitted in person to making bad sexual choices due to drugs, and I just brush it off bc it's not my life, I couldn't care less what she does at this point.

Anyways to my point, I was talking to some friends about this and they all said it could get bad and that I should start thinking about protecting my son. Anyone experience Ecstasy usage or any things that come from it? I have never touched drugs in my life, so no clue.

That. We have 50/50 agreement and she just took 2 weeks off without giving me proper notice to sort my work schedule. Dropped the kids 2 days before (they usually get here on Thursday and now they got here on Tuesday) and I’ll have them here for 12 days (we have them every other week).

Don’t get me wrong, I love to have them here for as long as needed but I need to leave work every day at 3pm to get to school (I work 8-5). I’m the operations manager so I need to be at work and this is not working for me.

I agreed with my boss to do overtime the days I am not with the girls to compensate for the days I need to leave early but is going to get uncomfortable being 2 weeks working less hours.

Just venting…

The last year or so talking with my dad has gotten less and less. He is busy a lot of times and I feel like I don't have much in common with him. I would like some advice on how to go about talking with him more. I am looking for someone to talk to about it

OMG GUESS WHAT!!?? MY EX WIFE IS LETTING ME START TO HAVE OUR DAUGHTER OVERNIGHT!! STARTING TODAY!!! OK THAT IS ALL. HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Male 21 y/o and female 20 y/o. We definitely had an arguably rough relationship with plenty of issues affecting it. I can admit I was poorly handling the relationship and not being there enough before our daughter was born. Once our daughter there was almost this spark again between us, but it ultimately fizzled out due to her holding the past against me. I’ve struggled with an addiction early on (no harm to the partner or drug/alcohol abuse), I since started therapy after she was born and all has been fairly well, but it’s rather hard when your partner holds it against you.

Anyways, eventually one day we had a fight and we split. That’s been maybe 5 or so weeks now. I still see my daughter every 2 weeks, which is great, but I fear if I don’t stay on my baby momma’s good side she will strip my custody. I’m trying to avoid going to court since it always gets messy (maybe I should to protect myself). She is currently on fairly heavy antidepressants and diagnosed with a few other mental things which makes things hard. She flips every day, it’s like she loves me, another day she’s telling me about some guy that she isn’t serious with, but gets drunk w him and they make out. She texts good morning and goodnight every single day which is extremely confusing, we text basically the whole day. She wants to be platonic friends, but I still haven’t lost any feelings.

I guess i’m coming to you guys to figure out how to get over her and still protect myself and my kid. I have a busy work schedule so it’s hard w full custody, but weekends are doable. My daughter is my top priority by far. It’s why I’ve been pushing aside my mental challenges i’m dealing with, involved with her mother, to understand this. Any advice to help myself forget this relationship and move on and accept just co-parenting and friendship for my daughter? Or any other type of experiences or options?

Thanks guys!

Hello gents just looking for advice here. I’m 26. Me and my ex broke up in April and as she’s been looking for an apartment to move into (I’m on the lease and pay all the bills. She’s not on the lease) she finds out she’s pregnant and an ultra sound said she’s at 12 weeks. We broke up cause of some stuff that came up from the past also combined with her being insanely lazy and her life never being put together. I’m just trying to get advice on how being a single dad can be. Do I try to work it out with the mom? I feel like it’ll always be in the back of my mind that I’m only with her for the baby and romantically the feelings won’t be there. She also told me last night that she wants to get married before the baby gets here or she doesn’t want me involved. I don’t want to get married to her but I want to be involved with my child. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I (18F) have always loved hanging out with my dad but recently I've started to do it more than usual because of my parents getting divorced. It's honestly affecting him more than me since I've always had an iffy relationship with my mom... and that's probably why I've started to hang out with him more because it can be just us alone without her there.

The problem is, I can tell he thinks I'm sometimes doing it out of pity instead of me just enjoying it. 😞 Especially when it's like a Friday or Saturday night and I rather hang out with him than go out with my friends

Long story short, me and 1 YO's son's mom didn't work out. We tried, failed, tried again and again and again, failed. Each time, she kept me away from my son. I still continued to send over 1000 a month to help (her other 2 kids dad's dont help at all) despite all the disrespectful texts from her.

This recent time (a month ago), she gave me an ultimatum that if I dont move back in TODAY, it's over. I refused, she kept him away. I finally got to see him yesterday after asking every week.. and of course, he tripped and scraped his finger on the concrete while we were waiting for her to come. That turned into a whole mess, with her sending a final text at midnight "We're going to be taking a break from you for a while..." and her list of things I've done wrong.

I was avoiding court because when things WERE good, she told me outright that she would've flipped if I had done that. I've seen the things she's done when she flips and I've been trying to avoid that. But this time.. when she took him from my car, he was looking back at me and we had this connection with him smiling and waving goodbye.. that single moment felt so different and I'm even tearing up as I'm writing this. That's what got me to this breaking point.

Would love any advice, thoughts or feedback