r/SingleDads

Need opinions on how divorced dads with 1 preteen daughter feel about dating a single woman, never married and no kids? I may have a crush on a man who has been divorced for a few years but I have never been married and have no kids. I am also a couple years older then him. I completely understand and am ok with his daughter being his priority (as it should be) but do I even stand a chance? Do most divorced dads prefer single moms?

I say this as I feel like earning money to give to other people is all I feel like I'm doing right now. I (40m) am renting a 2-bed house on my own, so obviously the bills are heavy. I have a nearly 17 year old boy who stays with me every other weekend, and a little boy who turned 2 yesterday, but that I've not seen now for 11 weeks because his mother has decided I can't until I take her to court. So far the fight to see him has cost me over £500, and I don't feel any closer yet. All I do is work, and sleep. I do overtime when I can to help build my income, but I feel I can rarely spend money on myself. £200 for my older child's maintenance, £350 for the younger (different mothers, I should've made that clear earlier!). My youngest's mother has made sure I'm paying every penny possible, which included lying to the child maintenance team about how often I was spending time with my son, specifically overnight. I've told them it was a lie, but they don't care, so I'm also over £2k in arrears according to them because I didn't pay what they thought I should at the start. It's also coming direct from my wages now, which adds a 20% fee.

I'm exhausted all of the time, I like the idea of doing stuff, but as soon as I get home I'm often just too tired. When I do actually do something, I normally feel guilty for spending money on unnecessary or selfish things. This week alone I've had an expensive dental appointment, and had to buy a new car battery, so that's probably my free cash gone for the month, but I still need to get gifts for my eldest's birthday.

My massive worry is, when I eventually get to see my youngest again, where will I find the money, time, or energy to actually do stuff with him?? I'll have to cut back on overtime to be able to see him anyway, so my incomings will be even lower. I'm in a reasonably well paying job, but I still feel like I'm just scraping by. I want to be a fun, adventure seeking dad that he's excited to come and spend time with, but I just don't see how I can do it. It's even harder to deal with when his mother can seemingly afford to take him away almost every weekend, and plans regular trips abroad. I couldn't even imagine being able to do that.

383 men take their own lives every single month, which is about 75% of the total number. I'm not saying I'm feeling that way, but I can see where these pressures just adding on top of each other can lead to that.

Anyone else struggling with holidays?

I know the 4th of July isn’t exactly the most sentimental holiday, but man, I’ve been 50/50 co-parenting for 8 years and this part has not gotten one bit easier. We alternate this holiday every year, and this year I don’t have my girls.

I live far from most of my friends and family so I can stay close to my kids. Most days I can manage the isolation, but holidays without them just hit different. It’s like the loneliness gets louder.

Anyone else deal with this? How do you get through it?

Hi, so my Baby Mom and I are split and we share a newborn child. Now I get the fact that as a newborn our child should be primarily with the mother. Our initial agreement was at 3 months of get every other weekend, and at 1 year we’d get 50/50. Both the problem is that my child’s mother doesn’t like the idea that some weeks I get to have the baby more than her. What do I do?

Edit:

She’s also making the point of not wanting 50/50 because she doesn’t have a license or a good job while I do. In addition, she’s already allowed me to have overnight stays for the past several weekends and she doesn’t breast feed at all.

Edit 2

I’d also like to add that mom and I live less than 10 minutes away from each other.

I've filed divorce. She will be served this week. I'm applying for full custody of my 8 year old twins and suing for child support. I honestly cannot wait to be fully divorced and doing this solo.

I've always been the front-line parent: the fun one, the disciplinarian, the scheduler, the get them to and from school, bathed and ready for bed one. In the last 3 years she has traveled for pleasure 225 days that I can immediately prove, more total. I've basically been the single parent most of the time.

Dads, my worry is about the impact on my sons. They love their mom. They will still see her and have a relationship together, but she needs to get her shit together first.

This is going to be tough. Any advice on helping my boys through the process?

How did it affect you emotionally during the first few weeks after you found out or received court papers?

Did you become more withdrawn or isolate yourself while trying to process everything?

If you were in a relationship at the time, how did you handle communication with your partner?

I’m trying to better understand what this experience can be like from a father’s perspective.

Context: Current set up is 50/50 since separation 4 years ago. 1 week per parent. Now the ex-partner (mother) wants full custody of both children. Kids are 8 and 12.

Asking for my sanity.
My ex has been taking me to out oast 4 years and we’re in a coparent Liason court thing. She’s trying to be by the book and is a narcissist. This year o get my son 4th July weekend. Big first for me. I have an inclination to invite her to the local soccer game with fireworks after. Idk why exactly I keep trying to be nice to her. Of course our 7yr old just wants us to get along “Luke we used to”.
I’ve reached out Olive branches and I’m mature to be peaceful but she is petty and still giving me hell.
I always offer to give her more time on holiday visits and she never returns anything, she wants to “win” in her mind. Usually not thinking of our sons benefit

Am I better just not inviting her?
Or do I get magical invisible points to offer her the game and she says no?
I always hope if I’m nice enough she’ll lighten up and stop all this shit.

Thanks

I’m a dad. I do all the school things. I plan the play dates. I’m involved. I put them and their happiness first. I clean and cook. I work so I can give them what they want and need.

But I have a secret and that is, I’m addicted to porn and jerking off.

Any other dudes can relate to this? It’s hard to talk about this topic.

Hi guys. This monday i found out a hard truth. Wife had an affair with some long past ex. Details don't matter here. I deeply and truely love her and our family of 2 kids. Age 4 and 6. We have been married for only 1 year. So it came very unexpected.

This saturday we will inform our kids of the breakup and guide them as good as we can. We will do this together as it should.

The advice i need: We had planned a family holiday(plane trip) that ought to begin in 3weeks and takes 2 weeks. My soon to be ex wife really wants to continue with the trip. To show our kids that we are still mom and dad and grant them this trip as last memory of our family. She claims she will stop communicating with the "other" guy and be 100% present on the trip.

I'm not sure if i'm emotionally stable enough to handle that kind of trip tbh. I'll probably know in a few weeks. I doubt we will have any fights on the trip for i no longer feel the need to fight. It might help us co exist better after the divorce.

Do you guys think this is a good or bad idea? Anyone else done this? Im getting mixed reactions from friends and family.

Hey Single dads, this is not really a rant about anything to crazy. I’m single father of 1 and he’s 3. And imma keep that way. But is it bad to spoil my only child? I do buy him a lot of shoes and clothes and sometimes whatever he wants. But his mom , has 1 younger 1 boy and soon to be born from different dads who don’t do shit or have the drive that I do . And I know she feels some type of way when my son gets and has what his brother doesn’t have. And he doesn’t share with his younger brother cause he was the only child for a couple months before she had her 2nd one and want me to cut down on spoiling him so he can learn to share. Should I stop spoiling but again this is my only child and I work hard for him to have a good life ?

I’m looking for practical wisdom from divorced/co-parenting fathers who have lived something like this.

I have 50/50 custody on paper. My daughters are 15 and 17, and they are my life! I’ve been single for years, and with Bay Area housing costs on one income, I’m currently renting a room near them instead of having a full place where they can realistically stay with me.
Not living with them breaks my heart, but I see them and do all the things on my days.

Their mom has the more established housing situation, and the girls’ school, friends, activities, and routines are rooted near her area.

The problem is that staying near them also keeps me in a place that is a terrible fit for my own work opportunities, support system, social life, dating life, mental health, and future stability.

It feels like a catch-22. Proximity to my daughters keeps me in a place where I can’t seem to build stability, but the places that might help me become stable could reduce my day-to-day proximity to them.

For dads who have faced something like this, especially with older teens:
How did you think about staying close vs moving somewhere healthier?
Did proximity matter most, or did your own stability eventually matter more?
How did you stay connected to your kids while rebuilding your own life?
Were there partial solutions I may not be seeing?

Just joined the group. Looking forward to meeting others who have walked this lonely, emotionally taxing road. Single Dadding is no joke. Thank you!

It has reached a point I dont know if i leave my baby girl(PS5) To find a woman or i continue with this life because of the current stress have heard are dominant in relationships ,suggestions guys.

I’m in my mid twenties dating a guy in his mid thirties. He's honestly the best partner I've ever had. He's kind, emotionally supportive, consistent, and makes me feel genuinely loved.

The issue is that he has a child with very high support needs. His child is non-verbal, uses a wheelchair, and currently lives with their mum, but my boyfriend has them every other weekend. They're on a waitlist for long-term care home facility, but nobody knows how long that'll take.

For the first few months we dated, the child was living in another state, so he never had them on weekends. I never really experienced this side of the relationship, and I think that's why it's hitting me now. I honestly blame myself for not thinking further ahead and realizing what dating a parent would actually look like long term. I only really understood the reality once it became part of our routine.

I've been very clear with my boyfriend from the beginning that I don't think I'll ever love a child that isn't mine, and I don't want to have a parenting role or be involved in raising them. He's been completely okay with that and always emphasises that he's been doing this on his own for years and has always said he's isn't looking for someone to step in and be a parent.

In a strange way, I think the disability actually makes it easier than if the child didn't have one. In some ways yes, in other ways no as them not talking makes it even harder for me to feel any connection to the child. At least they’re not asking me to be a stepmum going to parent-teacher interviews or sports games. The care they need is very different, which somehow feels less intimidating to me.

The problem is that I only really enjoy the weekends when he doesn't have the child. On the weekends he does, Friday night and most of Sunday are off-limits, and Saturday is the only time we really get together because there's a carer for a while.

Realistically, I know that i can never be his top priority since he has a child, and I'm struggling with whether I can actually accept that having to fit my life around a child that’s not mine / i’m not ready for. He's an amazing boyfriend and makes time for me whenever he can. I'm just questioning whether I'm actually suited to dating someone with a child.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did these feelings change over time, or was it a sign that the relationship wasn't right for you?

I’m a father co-parenting a young child with my ex. We were in a long-term relationship, lived together, and share a child together. We also went through major life milestones together including pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenting while living under the same roof.
Since the breakup, things have become extremely difficult between us emotionally and practically. Our communication is now almost entirely focused on our child, scheduling, and logistics, but even that communication has become strained and inconsistent at times.
There have been periods where I’ve had limited or delayed access to my child, and we’ve had disagreements about parenting schedules and how flexible or structured arrangements should be. In some cases, changes to plans have been made last-minute or without clear communication, which has caused confusion and frustration on my end.
We have also had legal involvement and court-related processes regarding custody and parenting arrangements, which has added a significant amount of stress and tension to the situation. Because of this, even basic communication now often feels tense, guarded, or emotionally charged.
On top of the co-parenting structure, I’m personally struggling with the emotional side of the breakup. I still find myself processing the end of the relationship we had, the family life we built together, and the sudden shift into a co-parenting-only dynamic. I feel stuck between wanting to move forward emotionally, while still having to regularly communicate and coordinate with my ex because of our child.
There have also been moments where communication between us has felt confusing to me — for example, delays in responses regarding our child, changes in plans that I wasn’t fully aware of, and situations where I’ve shown up expecting one arrangement and found something different. These situations have made it harder for me to trust the consistency of communication, even though I understand co-parenting can be complicated.
At the same time, I recognize that I’m also emotionally affected and may be reacting strongly at times. I’ve sent messages in frustration and said things I probably shouldn’t have said in the heat of the moment. I’m trying to work on staying more controlled and focused on our child rather than the emotional side of the situation, but it’s difficult when communication feels inconsistent or tense.
Right now, I’m trying to figure out:
How to emotionally detach from the relationship while still co-parenting effectively
How to communicate in a way that avoids escalating conflict
How to handle situations where plans change or communication feels unclear
And how to stay focused on being the best parent I can be without getting pulled into the emotional history between us
I’m open to honest feedback — even criticism — because I know I need to improve how I handle this situation emotionally. I just want to be able to co-parent in a stable, respectful way and stop getting caught in cycles of frustration and overthinking.

I never thought this would be the hardest part but here we are. My kids are 7 and 10, and once they are down for the night I just kind of sit there not knowing what to do with myself. During the day I am dad mode, fully locked in, helping with homework, making dinner, doing bath time, all of it. But then the house gets quiet and it hits different.

I used to have someone to decompress with at the end of the day. Talk about nothing, watch something dumb on TV together, just exist near another adult. Now it is just me and honestly some nights it is genuinely hard to shake off.

I have tried picking up hobbies, I started reading again which helps some. A buddy of mine suggested a podcast to wind down with which is decent. But I am curious what actually works for other guys in the same spot.

Not looking for anything dramatic, just realistic stuff that other single dads have actually found useful. Did you lean into solo hobbies, build out a friend group, get into fitness, something else entirely? What shifted things for you or at least made those quiet evenings feel less heavy? Appreciate any honest responses from guys who get it.

To give you a brief background, I (41M) provide for 100% of our family's needs. I do at least 80% of household chores and at takes care of our 3 yr old toddler at least 50% of the time. I work night shift aside from earning decent money from my passive side hustles.

Just last week, when my wife was shouting at me and treating me really bad for not cooking the meal on time (10 mins delayed), I snapped and shouted back at her. Our child suddenly cried,got scared and started hitting her head for the first time. My wife then immediately put the blame on me and told me that I'm traumatizing the child. Then I broke down crying because I couldn't handle the fact that I'm causing our child to be in so much pain and frustration. I cried and told my wife that I reacted that way for all the years that she has been treating me like trash. I haven't talked to my wife for the past 3 days and I tried not to do anything for her if it is not for the benefit of the child.

Then after 3 days, it dawned on me. On very rare occasions that my wife was the one setting the table for lunch or dinner, she never prepared my plate or utensils. In fact, I realized, she wasn't doing anything for me for the past several years. It was all just one sided. I always get up and fetch her water when she coughs at night. I bought her a new laptop, a new cellphone, a new monitor, shoes, etc. She doesn't even bother say thank you. When the washing cycle is complete and I forget to put my clothes in the dryer, she never initiated to put my clothes in the dryer while I do it 100% of the time for her. I bought her expensive gifts for her birthday, she totally forgets my birthday and nags me to death instead. I pick up her mess but when my things fall down to the floor she just looks and pretends that she didn't see anything. She says bad things about me all the time to her friends and her relatives. She calls me useless and a bum even though I pay for everything and I do so many chores around the house.

For years I've been trying to make her happy. Maybe if I did more cleaning, taking care of the kid more to give her more time for herself then she'll be happy. But nothing worked. All I get is nagging, complaints and snark.

She doesn't let me do anything I like and I even quit going to the gym since we got married because she doesn't like me going to the gym for some unknown reason. I'm was a gym rat for over 2 decades and I quit gym just to make her happy.

I totally want to divorce her right now after the realizations but I couldn't because I still need her help to take care of the child during the hours that I am working. My relatives live very far and it's almost impossible to find a nanny nowadays where we live.

I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I'm capable of juggling all the pieces in my life while taking care of our child by myself. What should I do? Help

I 28M and my now ex fiancé 25F stay at home mom are splitting up after approx 3 years. We have a 15 month old. I have suffered with PTSD( Covid worker/watched family members die in front of me/been physically abused) , depression,anxiety , and my ex has depression/post partum . There is NO verbal or physical abuse or cheating in this relationship . She came to me last week and stated she could not do this anymore and ZERO reconciliation can happen now. She states she only wants to talk about our child/movingon. No couples therapy, no counseling, no break a part. I developed a SEVERE gambling addiction 9 months ago and it took a huge toll ( lies, debt,etc.) and she stated that as long as I was getting help she would work on things. I have been going to GA, therapy, not gambling, and pouring more into our family but now she states that it’s too late. She states she feels drained. She doesn’t have the energy for us anymore. This destroyed me because I love her, and I love our son. Ultimately I respect her choice, even though I’d do anything to get my family back.

She still wishes to nest co- parent in the same house until she can get a job, I’ve been working INSANE 12 hour night shifts for like 8 days in a row trying to get out of debt. I bought us a house, bought her her own car and still pay for everything. She does not cook or clean or pour into working on herself. I bought her a gym membership and told her that i want us to get mentally well and that i don’t want to pressure her, but i need a plan and deadlines for when she can leave.

I am destroyed. I told her i take accountability for not being the partner/spouse and Dad i should be. I came clean about everything when this happened months ago. She’s states she doesn’t want court involvement but wants to leave and take our son and have him primarily sleep with her. And i visit whenever I can. She has mentioned “ i don’t know what God has planned” whenever I talk about working on us but she states she can’t do it now.

Question;
how do i keep my sanity, cure and rebuild myself, and also be fair towards her and helping all of us?

How can i make sure i have a good relationship with my son?

And i feel hopeless, how do you deal with this level of doom and grief ?

Is there anyway that if i can get my shit together and man up, that i can have my family back?

And if not does this ever get better?

My ex cant communicate about our child for absolute jack to save anyones life, but i recently got a pet (to help with anxiety and depression) and they suddenly have the most impeccable communication in the world.

I dont understand if this is a narcissistic female ego or if this is just a need for control. I have been nothing but communicative, and i dont get the respect as the father to even know what's going on in my kid's life.

What the absolute fuck is wrong with some women?

I know it’s probably a crazy thought for some of the single dads/divorced dads in this feed but… how often do you find yourself thinking about how things used to be, and if you could have ever salvaged your relationship or marriage?

For perspective, I got divorced about 8 months ago. Found a great gal who lives about 2.5 hours away and that I get to spend every other weekend with. She’s great with my kids and we talk every night almost.

My ex-wife isn’t a bad person. I was not close to being a walk in the park to deal with as a husband. Work stress, personal stress, and a trigger-happy temper over little things were my downfall… it pushed her away and she did the ol’ deed with another man. I couldn’t get over that and we ultimately split up.

I often find myself looking back on the good years at times, and think about how we were happy for a long time, had two great boys together, leaned on each other during times of loss and times of joy, and did a lot of fun things together for many years. I don’t know; I just find myself wishing for that again some times.

Am I crazy?

Im 32. Ive had full custody of my 8(boy)(ADHD) and 7 (girl) year olds for 18 momths now after I left 2 years ago. I've tried to include her in their lives but she doesnt care I dont think. Never calls to try speak to them i have to get in touch every 2-4weeks so they can see her during the day for a few hours because they wamt to see their mum. I work a demanding managment job that luckily is hybrid so can do school runs but between dancing (girl), soccer (girl) and football (boy) thats 3 nights a week training or something. Then saturdays full cause I play senior soccer too. Im lucky to have bought a 3500m2 lot with an older but bigger place on it 20 mins from a regional hub and 5 mims from a small town where school and sport is. But with everything i feel like im drowning. Id never give up but I feel like I'll never be able to be me or happy again. I have mates i never see, can never do anything social and when I can get someone to watch the kids i just bender thinking im catching up for lost time. I wouldnt change a thing I own a house have two great kids am active fit healthy and have a 6 figure hybrid job but between making lunches at 6am then at 7.30pm when kids in bed washing floors and dishes and wiping cupboards to replying to emails and answering calls all the time i dont know if ill ever get a break or if its the rigjt thing actually for the kids