OnlyDad
A few days ago, I joined this subreddit, hoping to find others who might be going through or feeling similar things to what I'm experiencing.
I found several, but none of them truly felt like mine.
Specifically, today is Children's Day in my country. I'm a single father, 39 years old. My daughter's mother abandoned her six years ago. My daughter is now seven, and I not only feel an emptiness the size of the universe itself, but I also have to make a huge effort not to give up. As a man, I have so many doubts about my daughter, since I have no idea how to handle her first period, and I'm currently unemployed and can't even provide the bare minimum for my daughters. I'm forced to go to places I don't want to be and be with people I don't want to be around, just because I don't have money.
I have another older daughter, who is 17, who also spends two or three weeks a month with me, because her mother isn't very present either (she never was).
I've done a lot of inner work and managed to reach a much better place within myself, and I'm happy about that, but the emptiness doesn't go away, because I still want to have my own life again, and that feels so far away that reality is quite overwhelming and it's hard to ignore all those thoughts. I let them be, I don't go along with them, but that doesn't mean they aren't there, and I have to constantly force myself to avoid playing along.
i read all your posts and I'm with you , keep going, that probably at some point, after so much walking, the path will appear.
I just wanted to get a few words out because they were burning me up inside.
Much love to all
(didn't feel like writing in English and used the translator without checking)