u/Distinct_Desk1840

I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember. There’s always this guilt in the back of my head that I’m doing something wrong or that I should be doing better.

It can be about anything. Masturbation, drinking, keeping old nude pics from my ex wife or exes, relationships, wasting time, whatever.

But it goes deeper than that. I question whether I’m being a good enough father. Whether I’m leading my family the way I should. Whether I’m disciplined enough. Working hard enough. Making the right decisions. Being the man I’m supposed to be.

The list never really ends.

And I’m not looking for someone to tell me everything I do is okay. Some shit probably does need to change. My problem is that I can’t tell the difference between legitimate guilt telling me to get my shit together and constantly beating myself up because I’ll never meet whatever standard I have in my head.

Any other guys deal with this? Like no matter what you do, there’s always this feeling that you should be doing better?

I am truly sorry for hurting you. I want you to know that I did love you, my intentions and what I felt for you was real.

You are a beautiful, smart, and incredibly kind person with an amazing heart. You will always have a special place in mine.

Letting go has been painful, but I didn’t think it was fair to keep going when I had doubts about our future. I know this message may open wounds, and I’m sorry if it does. I just didn’t want you to ever believe that what we had wasn’t real or that you didn’t mean something deeply to me.

I truly hope life brings you happiness and everything you deserve.

Update… I sent the message.

I’m a 34 year old divorced father of two. My 16 year old son lives with me full time by his own choice, and I have my 8 year old daughter 50% of the time.

About a year ago I met a 31 year old woman at church. I thought she was attractive, but assumed she was still in a relationship. Unknown to me, she had already been separated for about three months. She added me on Facebook, we started talking, and eventually started dating.

She has three daughters. A 12 year old from her first long term relationship and a 2 year old and 3 year old from her second. Two different fathers, but both were serious long term relationships.

She honestly treated me better than anyone I’ve ever dated. She was affectionate, supportive, caring, and I truly thought she might be the woman I’d marry.

As our relationship progressed, our families became involved. My daughter became close with her oldest daughter, and her 3 year old became attached to me. Every time she saw me she’d run over and hug me. Losing that bond has been incredibly hard.

Over time, I started having concerns I couldn’t ignore. The biggest was blending our families. I wasn’t just dating her. I was potentially stepping into a home with three additional children, including toddlers. My 16 year old chose to live with me after my divorce, and I couldn’t picture him being happy in that environment.

I also struggled with feeling like I was stepping into a life that had already become very complicated. I know this may sound unfair, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d be taking on responsibilities that came from choices made before I was ever in the picture.

Financially, I paid for almost everything. It wasn’t about the money. I just wanted to feel more like we were building something together.

I also realized my divorce had left me with trust issues. We became intimate on our third date, and although she never gave me any reason to think she was unfaithful, I never completely got over the fear that she moved on quickly. Looking back, that’s probably more on me than her.

Eventually I realized that although I loved her, I couldn’t honestly commit to the life that came with the relationship.

So I ended it.

She was heartbroken, and honestly, so was I. The breakup was respectful, and we wished each other well.

The hardest part is that she wasn’t a bad partner. She was probably the best partner I’ve ever had. I still miss her, and I even miss her little 3 year old.

I felt the selfish thing would have been staying while hoping my concerns would eventually disappear. She deserved someone who could fully embrace her and her daughters, and I realized I wasn’t that person.