r/singlemoms

I’m a 29yo single mom to an amazing 10-year-old boy, and lately, I am just feeling pretty low on hope.

It feels like every guy I date cares more about me than my child. They treat him like an afterthought or an obstacle instead of a priority. I'm so tired of people offering "leftover" energy instead of making an intentional connection with him or offering real, proactive support in our lives.

To top it off, his biological father is completely out of the picture and not in our corner at all. He actually had the nerve to tell me to just "get whoever I'm dating to help support my child."

I refuse to lower my standards, and I won’t bring anyone into our sanctuary who doesn't see my son as a priority. But man, it gets lonely pouring so much into everyone else's cup and getting nothing but empty promises in return.

Has anyone else been through this and actually found a true co-pilot who loved your child like their own?

I could really use some encouragement or advice today.

How's co-parenting going for y'all?

I was the first of three women to have a child with this man, the children are 13, 10, 2. Each time the relationship is great, we get pregnant, his whole demeanour flipped, and then around the 1-2 year mark he left the relationship and then demonizes us because we expect him to still support our child.

I was 22 when I became a single mom and have been dealing with him for a decade since the split. I have tried to be as reasonable as possible, he’s paid $500/m and never paid any child care fees, I even agreed to lower it when he was facing self proclaimed hardship… that he milked for 26 months when it was supposed to be 6-12, fought me when I told him he had to return to the $500 amount.

I didn’t choose for him to go and have 2 more children and then leave 2 more women; but any time I ask for an increase to support the cost of living increases and the fact that his income has tripled since we agreed to the amount, he claims that I will make him homeless, that that I need to be grateful for getting what I get since I don’t work for that money… tells me to stop reaching into his pockets and go get a better job if I want more money. Child care alone is more than the child support… in fact the $500 ordered in 2016 was less than the guideline amount but I was trying to work with him since he was starting a new family. In 2026 that $500 adjusted for inflation should be $658… not factoring in his current income.. which is even higher than what his taxes say because he doesn’t declare his self employment income.

I’m just ranting because I have tried so many times to work with him outside of court to come to an agreement but unless it’s exactly on his terms he won’t budge. He kept asking for one more year to get his stuff in order… and now it’s been 6 years and I’m over it. He tells me that he will involve our child in support conversations and let him know that I’m the reason why he’s angry, that I’m the reason why he’ll lose his home…. He made over $150,000 last year! I make a third of that. He has a new trailer, always upgrading his truck… just bought a house… he clearly isn’t going to be homeless.

The other two moms are in the same boat, but one of them is mad at me for considering court because then “it won’t be fair to their kid if they get less than mine”… so then they’d have to go to court but they’d get less because they’re remarried now. She knew about his responsibly to his first child before they chose to have theirs…. I’m just so frustrated.

I’m writing this because I often read the alcohol posts here but they mostly seem to be from men. I’m wondering if there are any other mums in a similar situation.
I’m a single parent to two children. Their dad passed away and I don’t have any family support. I used to drink a bottle of wine most nights, but over time that’s turned into vodka. If I start drinking early, I can get through a lot.
I tell myself I hide it from my children at first, but I know they must notice once it starts to affect me later in the evening. The shame and mum guilt were enough to make me stop for six months, but the stress and pressure of doing everything on my own eventually led me back to drinking.
I’m not looking for judgement. I just want to know if there are any other mums who have been through something similar, or who understand what this feels like. It can feel incredibly lonely, and I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who gets it.

I’m going on almost a week since I officially kicked my one year old’s father out of my house. In that time, he’s gone back and forth from making veiled suicide threats to pulling a “we need to be mature, let me see my daughter” to chastising me for asking him if we can start to either work out a specific custody or child support arrangement so we’re not flying day by day. He’s complaining about being “homeless” but had three months living here rent free since I broke up with him so he could save money and find a place, and look what happened? Didn’t save shit, so back at his mom’s. But he can’t have her there overnight because his family is not safe, and that’s somehow my fault. Idk. I hate this.

I just keep sobbing because I didn’t want this. I wanted a family with him. We sat in the hospital together, cried, committed that we would make things work when she came home. And instead, he got worse and worse. And every day I am accepting more and more that what I was experiencing, still am experiencing even as I try to distance myself from him, is abuse.

I don’t even know how to feel anymore. I just want him to be a decent human being so at least the coparenting part doesn’t seem so hard, but it’s like since the day I peed on that stick he turned evil, and he wasn’t a peach before then either. I feel like such a dumb failure some days. And I’m laying here with my daughter asleep and happy on my chest, so I can’t be too much of a failure, but this just wasn’t how any of this was supposed to go.

Just needing some support. I’m a single mum of one. Almost 40. No family or friends as continuous support. Child is neurodivergent. Am I failing ? I feel like I’m failing everyday. My best is never enough. No partner. No want for it either. How can I feel better about myself and the job I’m doing.

Tia x

Hi. New to the group, I'm 29. I became a single mom 10 months ago when I left my abusive ex, and my life has changed dramatically. I'm hanging in there. My 2.5 year old son is absolutely ​wonderful.

One thing I've noticed is how I do the most for my son but struggle to do the basics for me.

I make sure my son's room is cleaned. Dishes are done. I make sure he eats nutritious foods and all his laundry is done. I can do it if it's for him. ​

He was recently diagnosed with a neurological speech disability, too, so I've spent a ton of time and energy finding all the best resources for him and taking him to appointments. ​

Enter my bedroom? Basically a pile of trash of trash and dirty laundry. What do I eat? What he doesn't eat, or takeout at 10 pm.

It's bad. I almost feel like I don't *deserve* a clean room or a meal.

I'm type B, I have ADHD, and I've always been messy. The guilt really eats at me that I'm like this. The shame compounds and I don't feel like I can ask for help.

How do I overcome this? I know I actually DO deserve to be in a clean room, and I deserve to eat. But I struggle when it's for me and not for my child.

• *Sorry For The Rant Im just very hurt. I could feel the pain inside of me. My husband cheated on me several times and I kept him because I was about to deliver. I thought he'll change because he has a family now and he still cheated again. He left the house lived with a coworker. He's isolated on my son while he was with this woman. Making excuses and literally not taking him to the er one day because he had to go to her. Whenever he wanted to see him he would. Same thing again thought he's coming and trying to be with my son month ago and found another woman and did the same. Doesnt ask about him for weeks and then comes all of a sudden can I see him? Hasnt paid a penny for my son meanwhile spend money on other women which ive seen. Said he cant see his son on his days off because he doesnt have gas money but spending $500 on other women in one day. Hes a horrible father with a dysfunctional family and childhood. You hurt me but i'm not letting anyone hurt my son. Its paining my son has to see other fathers and his father is really trash. This man didnt even try to save his family because that would help his son. You want to say i'm his father but youre not around on youre days off or even ask what size clothes he wears now too. As a single mom who is already betrayed im paining everyday for my son. I find these men pitiful who isolate their children and dont value them and dont cherish them truly. Does anyone get how hurtful for it is for a mother to see her son getting treated bad?

Has anyone else gone through phases like this?

My whole life I’ve kind of gone through seasons. Sometimes I’d want to be out all the time, constantly with friends, making plans, never wanting to be home. Then I’d go through phases where I just wanted to be left alone.

Ever since I had my son (he’s 2 now), I feel like I’ve changed even more. I’ll still go through little phases where I want to see friends, but for the most part I just… don’t. I’d rather take my son somewhere by ourselves or spend time with my immediate family.
It’s not that I dislike my friends or don’t care about people. I just feel mentally drained being around others, especially after chasing a toddler around all day. Sometimes the thought of making plans almost feels like another thing on my to do list instead of something I’m excited about.

At the same time, I worry because I don’t want to become isolated. I want my son to have memories with friends and other families, but I also find myself preferring the peace of just doing our own thing.
Has anyone else experienced this after becoming a parent, or even just as they’ve gotten older? Did it end up being a phase, or did your social battery genuinely change?

I’m going to be a single mom in a few weeks and I cannot figure out how I’m going to get my kindergartener to school everyday.
I recently accepted a position at a daycare in the school system that starts in a few weeks (I plan on leaving the week before). My youngest (1.5yo) is enrolled at the same daycare and will come with me to work. My shifts will be 6:15-3:15
My son’s elementary school doesn’t open until 7. I won’t be living in district so he can’t catch the bus from my apartment (plus he couldn’t chill there alone until the bus comes). I have some friends in the area but none live in the right school zone to have him catch the bus from their house.
What am I missing? And why do I feel like it’s going to cost me an arm and a leg 😭

I had my son at 25, I’m now 26, and he’s 8 months old. I work in tech, in Seattle. Everyone that I knew growing up, all of my current coworkers have babies a minimum of 30+ more like 35+. My cousin and his wife had their first at 34. Everywhere I go, all of the families I see, this is not at all meant to be rude but the parents look like my parents. I feel like most people when we are out in public assume I’m the nanny. Or when I’m with my aunt, who’s 50, but looks 40-45 that she’s his mom.

I don’t know, I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I have a baby, so I’m not out partying like my coworkers the same age. I’m also not 35. I like TikTok, reality tv, I’m trying to date a little bit. It’s also the solo thing. I can’t stand listening to women all the time say how horrible their husbands are. Or when they say they are solo parenting because he’s on a work trip. Um no you’re not, you’re not a solo parent, he’s eventually coming back. Just feeling like I don’t fit anywhere

Why does being a single mom always feel like a never-ending boxing match? Granted I only have my kids every other week Friday to Friday. I work full-time and I work part-time freelance. My kids are older, 13 and 15. When I’m not at work, I’m just driving them from place to place, cooking, food shopping, getting what they need for sports. I suddenly just felt like we were in a good position and flow and my landlord hits that he’s selling his place and is not renewing my lease, which is up at the end of October. Trying to find a place in this area is difficult. The cost of living just seems to keep increasing. My car just needed repairs. Now on top of trying to keep life together for them I have to find us a new place to live and figure out how to come up with extra money I don’t have for a down payment and security deposit if I do find a place. When does it let up?

(Please be nice.) So I had my 6th kid by my baby daddy. And we’re not together. My last baby is 6 months old. My ex has been giving me $200 a month. I’ve asked for more help financially but he doesn’t help. I’m still out on disability so my income is limited. I didn’t want to take him child support. But I feel like I have to now that I can’t afford anything alone. I wrote a note when I filed saying I only want $1800 so that’ll pay my rent at least. I am currently at my parent’s house. I don’t want to take him for the full amount so that it doesn’t put him out of his place, also I don’t want him to fight me for more custody.
**Any mommas with six babies and get child support? How much do you get? Did you ask the max?

I’m back, shocker. My relationship with my son’s dad is extremely hostile. We have 50/50 and I was supposed to have my son returned to me because it’s now my week (Friday to Friday) and the Fourth of July is also my holiday this year.
This is what was said:

ME: “I will be there around 430ish to get (child). Please have him up and ready. Thanks.”
Today 10:12 AM

SON FATHER: “Not happening.. we won't be there.. we have the biggest firework show in East Tennessee tomorrow and been working on it the past few weeks.. see you Sunday whore cunt.. don't choke on old limp shriveled.. o sorry please do depressed sad wack nose.. take the option your brother gave you and fuck right off”

I’m absolutely sick. I went to pick him up and of course he wasn’t there. This is how he acts constantly. I feel so fucking dumb. He is so vile to me, why can’t I leave him alone for good? I know I don’t love him and I do not want to be with him.. but then sometimes I really feel like he gets to my head and I believe “no one will ever love me like he does”
I’m just fucking heartbroken. I miss my son. It’s also my birthday Sunday. That’s when he said he would return him. I’ve been a wreck all day.
I did contact the police and my attorney***
I just really need to vent. Like why?!!! Why!!! Can’t he just coparent and act like a normal human being!!!!

My (35F) best friends went to a park near me and didn't invite my daughter and I.

I've been best friends with these ladies for over 20 years and we've gone through a lot together, including becoming mothers. Our 3 girls are around the same age and they think of each other as cousins. A few years ago my daughter and I had to move a few hours away, so meetups have to be intentional. I planned a meet up for everyone the last time my daughter and I visited the city. One friend and her daughter didn't show.

The girls are really close and talk to each other often, they play video games together online.

Today I saw on their story that they took the girls to an indoor play park near me. That really hurt. My daughter has been asking to go with her cousins. We don't live near any family or friends. And I'm hesitant to take one of her new friends in the neighborhood since we don't know the parents very well yet. I messaged them asking why we didn't get an invite and she said she was gonna say something. Smh. We were talking for hours last night and this morning. We spoke for hours a few days ago. Our group chat is always active. And this trip never came up.

I miss my friends. But at the same time, I feel like I have no friends. Being a single mom and trying to run a business takes all my time and energy. And it feels like the people I made time for couldn't make time for me.

I just need to vent to people who actually get it because I am still shaking with anger.

I was at the grocery store this morning with my four year old son. He was having a minor meltdown because I would not buy him a giant box of sugary cereal. Standard toddler stuff. I was handling it calmly, sitting on my heels to talk to him at eye level.

This older woman stops her cart right next to us, stares for a second, and then says, "You know, he wouldn't act out like that if he had a father figure in his life to teach him discipline."

I was so stunned I just stared at her. I am working two jobs, exhausted, doing absolutely everything alone, and this stranger decides to diagnose my entire life based on a toddler wanting cereal.

Before I could even think, I just stood up, looked her dead in the eye, and said, "He has plenty of discipline, he just needs you to mind your own business."

She scoffed and walked away, but honestly, it ruined my whole day. Why do people think being a single mom means our lives are an open invitation for public judgment?

Please tell me I am not the only one who deals with these kinds of comments out in public.

I (30f) am looking for advice on how to build my village or community (my son is 8 and my daughter is 6). My dad is moving to Florida and my mom lives about 1.5 hours away and I have no other close family nearby either. I live in Minnesota where people are notorious for sticking to their own groups and newcomers and outsiders struggle to be added to those groups. I grew up here but moved around a bit as a kid and so I really don't have any friends from childhood or even from college due to covid. Being a single mother (for a little over 4 years now) feels very isolating at times and I just want one or two friends to hang out with once and a while who are reliable, responsive etc. I think I am a good friend, I check in with those who I consider my friends, make sure I don't always talk about my kids (even though being a mom is like my favorite thing) but almost never do they reach out to me first. Like I said, that gets to feel isolating and like I'm putting in all the work to be a good friend but don't really feel like I have friends. I considered joining the PTO at my kids school but it's difficult to make that work with sports and work schedules etc. I started going to church to see if that community would be beneficial but other than a closer spiritual connection, I haven't made any friends. I read, sew, garden and exercise 5 days a week. How can I make this experience less isolating?

Very long post, but I really need to get this off my chest.

My husband and I were together for 9 years and married for 7. From the day we met, he called us his “gingerbread cookies” because he believed we were baked for each other. He made me feel deeply loved and cared for, and I truly believed he was the love of my life.

The only issue we struggled with throughout our relationship was our sex life. He wanted to explore BDSM, but I was never comfortable with it. Over the years, sex became more routine than passionate.

We bought a flat together and decided to have children. We tried for three years and, after IVF, we were blessed with twin boys. They are now 20 months old and are the most adorable little troublemakers imaginable.

Unfortunately, after the boys were born, my husband changed. He helped around the house and bought whatever the children needed, but he wasn’t emotionally involved with them. Whenever I asked him to spend more time with them, he always said they were still too small and only needed their mommy. “My time will come later,” he would say.

At the beginning of this year, I felt him becoming more and more emotionally distant. In the middle of February we spoke about divorce for the first time. I cried, told him how much I loved him and begged him to fight for us. I suggested couples therapy, but he wasn’t interested, so we agreed to try rebuilding our relationship ourselves. Later he admitted that the main reason he didn’t leave immediately was because he didn’t want his father to tell him that he had failed yet another thing in his life. Looking back, I know that was a huge red flag, but you’ll see throughout this story just how blindly in love I was.

We continued arguing over the following weeks. One day he told me he was helping a friend who had moved to another city, but later the friend supposedly cancelled. A few weeks later, after another argument, he told me he wanted a divorce for real. He stopped all physical affection and said he wanted to focus on his personal growth.

Less than a week later, the day after our seventh wedding anniversary, he went to visit that same friend. When he came back, I told him my period was late.

Two days later I took a pregnancy test.

It was positive.

Instead of being happy, he told me that he had “just started living again” and that I had ruined his life with another pregnancy. Our naturally conceived baby—after years of infertility—was, in his words, a mistake.

After that, he spent most of his time sitting at home texting someone. Whenever I asked who it was, he laughed and said, “How could I possibly afford three children and another woman?”

He insisted he wanted to be a good father but showed no care for me anymore. If I felt sick or exhausted during pregnancy, he simply ignored it and focused only on the children.

I still wanted to save our family, so I begged him to start therapy.

Our first therapist actually ended up telling me I should find a lawyer because of how distant and cold he was. But I refused to give up.

Around that time I attended a three-day conference, and shortly afterwards my husband went away for two days because of university. During that entire week I kept checking on him and the children, but he barely replied to my messages. When he was away, he never even asked how we were doing.

The evening before our next therapy session, I went to his office because he had a small gym there. His iPad was lying on the desk.

I looked.

There was an entire WhatsApp conversation with a woman called Corina.

She was telling him she loved him.

He was telling her he wanted to have a child with her.

When I confronted him, he admitted they had slept together during his university trip. Then he confessed something even worse.

That very same day, while taking our boys for a walk, he had introduced them to her.

I was devastated. I couldn’t believe he had brought another woman into our children’s lives while I was pregnant.

I threw him out.

The next day he came back crying because he missed the boys and couldn’t bear the thought of missing their first words.

I gave him another chance.

I asked him to block her and go to therapy with me. He agreed, sent her a goodbye message, handed me his phone and let me block her.

I thought it was over.

A week later, before our first session with a new therapist, he admitted more of the truth.

They had actually met on Reddit (thanks, Reddit 😅).

He told me she had “saved his life” because they had both struggled emotionally. He admitted that the first time they met was actually the day after our wedding anniversary. While I was away at my conference, she stayed overnight in our flat. I couldn’t believe he had brought her into our home while I was away and introduced her to our children while I was pregnant. Then they even travelled to another country together.

I was crushed.

Still, I wanted to save our marriage.

He said he would try—for the children’s sake.

During therapy he admitted that what he had always wanted most was BDSM, inflicting pain, and trying unsafe practices, including using medical equipment. Those were things I was never comfortable with because I didn’t feel they were safe. According to him, she gave him everything he wanted without hesitation.

Believing their relationship was over, I even agreed to try some things I had never wanted before.

It was awful.

I felt like a mistress trying to earn my husband’s love instead of his wife.

For the next two weeks he kept disappearing to his office for hours. Whenever I asked where he had been, there was always another excuse.

One Saturday he said he was watching football with friends.

After midnight he still wasn’t home.

He claimed he had taken one of his friends to see his office.

The next evening he disappeared again.

Then one day I found parking tickets from different places around the city, even though he had told his father he couldn’t work because our toddler had accidentally kicked him in the groin and he was supposedly in too much pain to leave the house.

At that point I knew something wasn’t right.

Eventually I discovered he had never blocked her at all.

He had been secretly seeing her the entire time while we were attending couples therapy and while I was begging him to save our family.

I tried calling her repeatedly.

She never answered.

Instead, she sent me a long message explaining that she hadn’t destroyed my family, that their love was real, and that they planned a future together.

I asked her to speak to me.

She refused.

I sent one final message asking her to leave my family alone and then blocked her.

During therapy he continued telling me they were over.

He lied.

One night, after another argument, I checked his phone again.

I found messages where he called her his soulmate, told her he loved her, and wrote beautiful messages that sounded almost identical to the ones he had once written to me when we first started dating.

I also discovered that he had been asking ChatGPT how to flirt with her before he had even told me he wanted a divorce.

Then I found a hidden Discord account where they had been talking all along.

There were nude photos, cruel things written about me, and detailed plans for a future together.

But one thing completely broke me.

I found a message he had written pretending to be me. He had copied my writing style—even using the three dots I always use. In that fake message, he claimed that I had deliberately “forced” him to have sex with me so that he would leave her, and that if I couldn’t have him, then neither could she. That was completely false. The truth was exactly the opposite. I only agreed to have sex because I believed he had already ended the affair and I desperately hoped we could reconnect. Reading that message made me realize he had created a completely false version of me for her, making me look manipulative and cruel so that she would sympathize with him.

Eventually I learned that she is 45 years old (my husband is 35), has a 25-year-old son, and is planning to move to our city so they can start a business together—a business that would require my husband to take out a 400,000 loan, despite us already having a mortgage and a third baby on the way. My husband has never finished any education he started and has always depended financially on his father, who even employs him in his company. Yet suddenly he was ready to risk everything.

That was the moment I finally asked him to leave.

His mother was horrified when she found out everything.

Now he still comes to the flat to help with the children, but every time I see him, all I can think about is the lies.

The man I thought I knew disappeared.

I’m left with overwhelming anger, heartbreak, and fear for my unborn baby because I know how much stress I’m carrying.

I don’t really need advice.

I just desperately needed someone to hear my story.

WHYYYYYY is it so normalized for dads to be dead beats???? Dads are just as much of a parent to a child or children as moms are. They BOTH created that child. Just because the mother made and carried that child doesn’t mean that she should be taking on all of the responsibility alone. Why do they get away with doing less than the bare minimum?? And no it’s not all dads, there are some great dads out there. But the majority of men who are fathers don’t do nearly as much as mothers. My son’s dad is barely around, barely calls our son, doesn’t do appointments or school registration or activities or regular day to day care never has to cook meals. It’s just something I cannot accept and maybe I need to so it doesn’t continue making me so angry, but it’s literally 2026. The stigma that moms are the ones who do everything while dads do whatever they want needs to end. Best believe I put my son’s dad on child support as soon as I saw that he wasn’t physically supporting our child. He has an income withholding order but if it weren’t for that, he wouldn’t pay. It’s absolute bare minimum per month. He also has great insurance through his job but refuses to put our son on it. I just don’t get it and it makes me so mad. I couldn’t imagine going weeks without seeing my child and not knowing what and how he’s doing every day and not being involved with raising him. How are they not guilty??