r/singlemoms

no judgement pls. not ready to date but sometimes you just need it. How do you navigate being discreet etc?

In case no one asked you today (which no one did probably). How are you?

Anything good happen?

Anything bad happen? Work? Mental Health?

Lay it on me :)

To the dads who show up just enough… you are another kind of pos.

You show face.
You come by to cook dinner now and then.
You pick up from school so people know you’re around.

You’re all show.

You care more about yourself.
Your love is conditional.

You are the same kind of dad who abandons their kids— you just disguise yourself differently. You are one foot in and one foot out.

You think it’s a charity to be a father. You don’t know what it takes to give yourself to the love of your child. You think you know love, but you only know the comfort of your own world, and that world is sad and pathetic.

For every dad who thinks they are “at least” better than ‘that guy’…. you make me sick. Gth.

If you’ve seen my later posts my co parent is just so hard to deal with.

So back in December I had asked my co parent if he’d be okay with me moving to my moms 3 hrs away from him. He agreed and said it would be a better arrangement. For context he cheated on me, I was a stay at home mom and then I was a single mom with no job, and because he was with the affair partner I moved to the city not far from our home. I tried to make it work for 4 months, tried so hard to find work, but failed and ultimately decided moving would be best, having more support with my mother and family and again, I did ask him he was well aware and even offered to help me move.

However, he did ask if he could co sign a place for me and pay damage deposits and first months rent and I declined . I didn’t wanna be financially entangled with him, he also offered up his gf as child care and I also said no.

So I moved, not even a month after I moved, he got mad at me for not stopping co sleeping right away, so he removed support payments and threatened not to bring our daughter back, berated me for not having a job yet

Now, yes he does do all the travel and I recognize this as hardship. But I don’t have my license or a vehicle nor money for said vehicle yet(he was aware as we were together for 11 years) . But I’m getting there and I’m taking my N (Canada) in a week. I also have a job. I’ve been here for 5 months and slowly picking myself back up again

So he stopped support payments and now he’s demanding I move back in 90 days, I have a lawyer btw and I’m going through the process but holy hell this is awful.

He’s now trying to say I forced him to agree to the move, and me declining his original offers to co-signing was a bad faith move. But I didn’t force him at all. I asked and asked again and triple checked and every time he said yes

I’m just so done with all of this, I hate co parenting it’s the literal worst. I’ve done everything I could to be as fair as I can.

We operate on a 60/40 shared custody without an agreement (in the works) only because he works rotational work, but now he wants 50/50 as well and says the other half of his parenting time will be covered by his girlfriend.

Sorry this is actually just a giant vent post because I’m so tired of this. He expects me to just be made of money and completely financially stable after 5 months, and now expects I drop everything move back to where he is jobless, and with 0 support.

Keep in mind our daughter (almost 3) is well taken care of, she has a great daycare, lots of friends and his surrounded by family. Has a great routine a doctor the works and her dad has liberal parenting time following his work schedule

And once she’s ready to start school I’d be more than willing to work my way back to dad so that parenting time isn’t disrupted.

I’m actually just, exhausted.

Recently my 6 year old daughter informed me that her grandmother (her dad’s mom, who has been the main person I’ve trusted to watch my daughter throughout her life) used to let her “breast feed” every night she would sleep over. The conversation/s were much more lengthy and involved than that. But I did my best to ask without leading. Ask if there were clothes on. Where it happened. How often. Why. When did it stop. Everything.

What I understand is that her grandmother would expose herself to my daughter and ask her if she wanted “it.” To go to sleep? To soothe? I don’t know. It makes me feel sick, genuinely. When I asked if it was just once, my daughter responded with “No, MILLIONS! All the time. Any time I spent the night with her.”

Her 76 year old grandmother encouraged her to suck her naked breast regularly. I asked her why/when it stopped, she said one day when she was three or four (she can’t remember exactly, but she says she wasn’t a baby anymore, and she could talk) grammies said “noooo, i don’t think your mommy and daddy would like this very much.”

So she stopped when my daughter was able to articulate and communicate clearly.

I guess I’m looking for other parent’s opinions on this. Her dad refuses to see it as a big deal (it’s his mom….) He says she was only trying to be nurturing. My mom thinks I should report it.

I want to make it clear that my daughter has not been to her grandmother’s house since. And will not be left alone with her again.

I just wanted to share on here that I saw baby daddy wearing a gold ring on his left ring finger—he was visiting our son at the time. I didn't say anything; I just left the room and tried to play it off. It was strange to see him with a ring because his religion doesn't care for couples to wear them, although he has been somewhat excommunicated(?) from his church because of his cheating and us having a child while we were unmarried.

But anyway, it's been giving me bad anxiety lately, maybe also because I'm about to get my period so my hormones are all over the place. Some part of me is thinking (or maybe even relieved), "if he's married, at least it's not the girl he cheated on me with."

He's always been cautious and secretive with me about many aspects of his life—most especially his love life, and I couldn't care less nowadays honestly. He recently opened up about seeing someone else, to which I responded that I didn't care. In truth, I didn't need the update because I absolutely don't like him anymore and I've already moved on. I even told him we're not friends who talk about our personal lives—we're just co-parenting our son.

Basically, I'm not jealous of the girl/wife he's with, but it made me think about my own future and whether I will ever find someone for me as well. It just made me feel very lonely. I've thought about dating, but I just don't have the time. Heck, I don't even have time for myself, let alone to date other people—and there's always that scare factor of meeting someone and having them destroy the peace of mind I've already built for myself. But it does get really lonely. I don't get to meet up with IRL friends as much as I want to (even if I invite them) since they're busy with their own life and stuff, which adds to the loneliness.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this somewhere—letting it all out. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this, so I'm hoping this will help me process the things that are happening. This too shall pass. Thanks to whoever is reading this.

P.S. If you have been in a similar situation, do you have any words of advice or encouragement that you can share? Thanks in advance.

Any advice on being a new single mom?

Hi mamas,

I wanted to get some insight on how the mummies to toddlers do when combing hair? I have a son and he’s almost 2yo, brushing/combing is a literal battle and I’m so tired of the fighting to brush (mind you i use a gentle brush on his happy headed self first). My child is pure African, both parents born in Africa type of thing, so he has quite coarse hair, but slightly soft as well. I keep his hair short as u cannot deal with the combing aspect of longer hair, but his hair grows like crazy too. Right now, I’m trying to leave it until his 2nd bday which is in 2.5 months before cutting it again, but it’s gotten long and I’m struggling with maintaining. Any tips/advice on how to deal with combing/brushing?
TIA

Well my mom wants me and my kids out. I've been racking my brain as to what I've been doing wrong but whatever she asks me to do I do. Gave her 2k during tax time( she wanted more i said no), celebrated her bday, I cleaned, take dogs out ect.. but if I leave a bathroom light on or misplace dog leashes she wants to throw me out.

It pains me she doesng even care about my kids .. she knows I was pursuing nursing school for a whole year so I couldn't work.. even now I work part time as a pca making 13 an hour.. ahe knows this and doesn't care..

She just wants me gone and its sad. She wont even speak to me. I did nothing to this woman. She talks around me to my kids.

It is what it is.

I already called 211 and looking for housing...

Just crazy I dont know what to think of my mom. Definitely thinking of going no contact.

Child's father doesn't want to use the coparenting app we do not have anything court ordered, in our situation that would do more harm than good. I'm not really sure where to go from here he says he wants to be involved but it has to be on his terms, he uses God and that I'm in the matrix as the reason. I wanted to use our family wizard because there have been too many times when he's run late or wrote down wrong day/timelocation. I'm trying to limit confusion by having this system in place for supervised visits, but we can't even do that! We have routines and.. I have work and our child has activities, it takes quite a bit to coordinate for an absent father. A random friend outing for dinner because we have an open evening is easy, but for an absent father it just sends the wrong message entirely. He pulls the guilt card calls me all sorts of things like that warlock, devil etc., and that does nothing but make me even more on edge because what has happened to him? What side of the internet is he on? This is so frustrating and honestly scary because there's no way to work with it besides just leaving the front door unlocked so he can come and go as he pleases. During our breakup, I was a little more lenient because I thought we'd be able to sort something out amicably, but I later realized he would just like to come and go as he pleases, and that didn't work for obvious reasons. I just don't know what to do
If he wants to be involved great! But it's been 1.5yrs and he's blaming me for that time lapse when my response has been the same

Last year me, my partner, and our baby moved into an apartment together. Since the first month, everything has been falling apart. He lost his job almost immediately and ever since then I’ve been the one paying the rent and bills by myself. Our bills are over $2,000 a month and I’ve been struggling to keep up. I literally work just to survive at this point.
A few months in, I found out he was cheating on me. I told him to leave, but his name is on the lease so he refuses. I even asked the apartment manager if I could break the lease, but they said we both have to sign off on it and he won’t cooperate. They also told me I can’t remove myself from the lease unless he finds someone to replace me.
I’ve tried to keep things peaceful and just live like roommates for the sake of my baby. Meanwhile his mom calls me telling me to “go easy on him” because he’s having a hard time finding a job. I honestly don’t even have the luxury of breaking down because I don’t have family I can rely on for help.
Now on top of everything, our apartment has a serious mold problem. I’ve reported it multiple times and begged them to move us to another unit because it’s affecting both my health and my baby’s health. My toddler now has breathing issues and I’m currently trying to seek legal advice over the situation.
The past few days have pushed me over the edge. I’ve had to physically defend myself from a man I want nothing to do with anymore, and this happened in front of my child. I reached out to my job asking about hardship programs or resources, but I haven’t heard anything back yet.
I’ve even started thinking about taking out a loan just to get me and my baby somewhere safe, but I’m scared of putting myself into even more debt when I’m already drowning financially.
I’ve run out of money, I’m exhausted, and honestly I just want to get my baby and myself somewhere safe. I don’t even know where to start anymore. Has anyone been through something similar or know what resources could actually help?

What does everyone do for work as a single mom? Did you change careers or go back to school once you became a single mom? How do you afford childcare, rent/expenses, etc? What’s the cost of living in your area?

I’m currently in a HCOL area and definitely won’t be able to afford rent after leaving baby’s father. And childcare here is about ~$2k/mo. Im wondering if I need to make a substantial career change or go back to school.

I'm so sick of never being considered. I'm sick of being friends with people who say " I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a single mom" and then move on. Have you ever tried to consider?? Have you tried to put yourself in my shoes??

I tried to vent to a friend about how it's pay to play because I have to have a babysitter for any alone time or to go anywhere. I have no co-parent. I have no family. Her response, " I understand pay to play, anytime my husband and I want to go on a date. We have to get a babysitter".... drastically different things.

Or, when my partner and I broke up last year, I lost income to be able to do anything. I'm paying for all the bills, the house, the car, everything. They say one thing, oh we will make sure we get you included and we make things work, and then promptly price me out of all activities.

Also, why are people so empty? It's like I can't find any people with depth. I left the last friend group I was in. They cared more about Taylor Swift than they did about not hitting their kids in the mouth. They enabled their spouses to be terrible to them and then defended them. And when I stood up for my friends saying they deserved better , I was told that just because I was divorced and I had a shitty (abusive) marriage, that not everyone's is like that. It's like they are happy being naive and I'm not. I never felt like I fit in, but man did I notice the difference whenever I became fully single. (Divorced 3 years, left a two-year relationship last year after the guy cheated because he was insecure) ( I was a mess. The last breakup sent me to urgent care three times. I've been working my way through mental health hell since. I needed support. I keep getting told to ask for help. I don't have the energy. And if I'm silent, everyone just says, oh I thought you were doing better....)

I'm sick of soccer moms treating me like less, basically. I've lived more of a Life than any of them. I was in military leadership, I've seen a lot of bad marriages. I've also met a lot of different people. I left after they continued to discredit my history and experiences. Not that they ever wanted to learn about me anyway. Basically just a warm body filling a seat so the girl who organized game nights would feel popular.

I'm so sick of being held responsible for every little thing and everything for my child, being criticized for not being perfect, But then no one understands how I hold it all together, people comment about how hard it must be but they never offer help. If I ask for help, no one's available.

It's not just isolating being the mom and dad, it's isolating because people don't want to consider or care about anybody besides themselves. I've always been thoughtful and loving and empathetic. I've always paid attention to my friends, if they get silent, If they seem off, I check on them. I went fully silent and my friends didn't notice, didn't even check on me. If I can be that easily ignored, then they don't deserve what I bring to the table. I felt a huge sense of relief when I decided to not participate anymore or interact with him.

I want friendships with depth. I want friends that will help me bury a body and that want to get to know me. These people didn't. Am I the only one that wants this?

Don't even get me started on the relationship side of things. I'm at the point, where human interaction takes so much of a toll, that I don't think it's worth it anymore. I'm not trying anymore for myself. I'm trying to grow a community so my kids have more than just me.

So I am a single mum of a 6 year old. Definitely gets better and easier as he gets older.

People say "it does not get easier, it just gets different" and I cannot agree and find that saying irritating. Personally, I find it way harder constantly running after a toddler, being constantly "on", etc. compared to this stage right now.

Right now we had a rough month with lots of sickness and little sleep. So during these times I am wondering when does it really get better.

Can single mums of older children (age 12 to 18) chime in? I am specifically interested how daily life with a teenager is when you are a single mum. What are the pros and cons?

Do you have your own life and hobbies again? Or does your life still revolve around your child just differently?

Thank you!

I matched with this guy on tinder in September. We talked for a month and then it fizzled out. I ran into him in January while I was at work. In person he told me that we should hang out so we started texting again. He mentioned hanging out twice over text but never followed through. I didn’t hear from him again until March and we texted for one week. Then 2 weeks ago I ran into him at a gas station and he apologized for not texting anymore. I didn’t ask, he brought it up. The last time that I heard from him was 2 days ago on Sunday. He stated that he wanted to hang out next week to go to the movies. I agreed and he hasn’t responded to confirm day/time/plans or anything else.

I thought it would be best for me to not say anything unless he reaches out first considering I already agreed so the ball is in his court. If he reaches out what should I do? Should I confront him? Or should I just ghost?

So far I’ve been really friendly and nice. I have started a few conversations and made an effort to carry the conversations when we talk.

I became a single mom overnight and my husband just said he's not sexually attracted to me anymore and then i found out he was cheating on me. My son is 5 months old and I'm terrified. My family lives in another country and I have no support as he isolated me from my friends. This happened just two days ago. I'm scared,lonely and think I'll never trust a man or have kids,but on the other hand I'm 26 and I'd like to have a partner,but how when my priority is my son and his wellbeing. What's it like,what do I do? I'm still in shock.

For context, my daughter’s father was an abusive, narcissistic asshole. Was with him for three years (left him about 4 years ago) and my family finally pulled me out of it because he started throwing around my 60lb dog (he’s fine and healthy now).

I love my step mom to death, but she keeps updating me on him though-I don’t care. She told me the other day he got married. I was sad, but because I was jealous, or because I wanted him back, but because he got something I wanted so bad and much more.

But then the thought dawned on me….the only reason that mf got married is because he’s undocumented and ICE 100% would have came after him. I was no longer sad, I was laughing my ass off and the relief I felt was immaculate….hope who he married is okay because me and A LOT of his exes all experienced the same abuse.

At the end of that pity party I picked myself right back and reminded myself I’m still a bad bitch, and continued being the mom my daughter deserves💅.

I need to tell my step mom to stop though because every time she updates me, I kind of spiral because I’m still moving on.

Newly single mom, with a 13 yr old son. I used to plan all the weekend outings and family activities. Now I'm grieving my marriage and dealing with some health problems - I don't feel fun anymore. I don't really plan anything for my son and I to do together. He is busy with his friends, books, video games. So family outings of 2 don't seem like much fun. Whenever I ask him if he wants to do X or Y, he says no.

For the first time in my life, I am not lonely or sad to be single. I am not alone, lacking, or missing anything, and I feel it confidently in my heart.

My life is peaceful and free. I always would crave a love and feel so sad about not having a partner. But I have been so disgusted and repulsed by mens' behavior and attitudes that for the first time in my life, I am not craving romance. I've been turned off to it completely. I am fulfilled, satisfied, and free living this single life. I have my daughter, so it's not like I need to go searching for a man to have a family with. I got mine. My daughter and me. All the love I ever needed.

My girl friends have given me more love, validation, and respect than any man ever has. And my vibrator has given me more orgasms that any man ever has.

My bills are paid. Though I can't necessarily afford extravagant trips and things, we can still go out to breakfast on the weekends and go on local adventures. My home is a little messy, but it's comfortable and it's mine, ours, my daughter's and my own sanctuary. I work very hard, employed full-time and managing my home with my own two hands, but it's all me and my own stuff so I can't complain. I'm proud of it.

My life is fabulous. And I get to spend this wonderful quality time with this lovely precious girl, my daughter 💖